I am a non-binary black asexual who is also thinking of taking T as apart of my transition. But I have a few anxieties about it. So finding someone with so many identities that match up with my own is extremely comforting for me. So just thanks for existing and putting your life out there for others to experience. Also also I love sphynx cats!
I like these in depth videos about changes on T because I’ve considered hrt as part of my transition. This is very interesting and helpful. Edit: I’ve been asked if I was a boy or girl twice and I wish I would get asked that more often. I just want more ppl to be confused
glad to help! thanks for watching. :) i also wish that people would be more honest about being confused instead of feeling forced to gender a person one way or another even when they're not sure.
Hey! Happy New Year. I cannot stress enough, how much your videos along with a few others, have really helped me as an enby. I'm not on T, as I'm closeted and still a teenager, however just hearing you speak about your journey calms me. It's like I can sorta relate and learn more about both myself and others. It's really helped me through the year when dysphoria started hitting hard and I didn't feel valid. Idk if that sounds weird, but yeah lol. You amongst a few others really just helped me feel comfortable in my lame skin. And here's a thanks to that :) (Idk how to spell your cat's name, but he's beautiful ❤)
happy new year! and thank you so much for watching and for the kind words. i'm glad to be able to help in any way that i can-- but the feeling [un]comfortable in your own 'lame' skin... i can very much relate to that and it means a lot to know that i'm able to help someone else with that. :) thanks again and all the best to you in 2019! Calcifer also thanks you for the kind words.;)
A number of years ago, I lost about 55 pounds and experienced the “deflation” of the chest as well. And monthly hell effects that-lots of dysphoria. I’ve found doing some weights and building up the muscles in my chest help feel feel broader overall. That helps a bit during monthly hell. Hopefully you can find something to help you feel more comfortable too. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable.
Gender euphoria re: people not knowing what gender you were assigned at birth and transition goals being that you want to confuse people, I'm crying, I feel so seen!!! I kind of want to sit down and do a video about moments of gender euphoria like this, it's so affirming to hear you talk about this ♡
Thanks for sharing, I'm transitioning at 57yrs. I already pass as male and haven't even started T yet, in 1 weeek I will start. I am appreciating your words! Thanks!
This is very insightful, I've been seeking out the experiences of other black non-binary people because recently I've decided that I wanted to go on T in the future. I've kind of been struggling with feeling like my reasoning for going on T is valid and what I want from it is okay. I don't really want facial hair either, but at first I was judging myself for this because of online comments like "you need to want all the changes of T or you don't want T" from others. But I'm not a man either. So I've been trying to seek out experiences of people like me. It's been very comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has had these thoughts about T and that it doesn't mean I shouldn't be on T. I'm slowly feeling more confident in what I want and how I want to be. I feel like this comment has kinda gotten away from me so I'll stop now :) Edit: yeah just remembered what I wanted to say. Seeing non-binary people who are already * on * T and feel more like themselves gives me hope and a better sense of what my future could be
im so glad you made and shared this and that i found it because im questioning if i should stop being on hrt and any info on hrt from other enbies seems rare and very valuable. thanks a ton!
I am ACE and I will start TRT. I am a tall, masculine, muscular man, but my T levels were extremely low. I am taking TRT for increased energy, better focus, and body fat reduction. HOWEVER, as a heteroromantic ACE, I hope that my physical attraction for women changes to sexual attraction to them. If it happens great; if it does not, great too. But this second puberty I am facing will certainly be a wild ride!
So great to see you back and you totally don't need to explain yourself if you change dosage etc with T either way! It's more or less how I plan to do things, I know I want some level of T and might want surgery but don't feel like I actually know how long I'll go on it. So it's a relief when I see other people able to reassess what they need to feel comfortable about themselves. Of course I'm biased because this video was closer to what I want to do, but I'd feel the same about someone who finds the opposite of me. Like someone else in the comments I use sports to change my body shape to an extent, 8hrs a week is no joke, but that's also dependent on energy levels(and since this is martial arts I also question how long I can go without being put off by injuries). I hope that you're doing well and am still only halfway through xD your videos are always insightful and reassuring to me, I hope making them isn't too stressful.
Happy new year! Thanks for your update and stories. I was looking forward to it. Great to hear you are feeling better dysphoria-wise. Gotta say the chest thing, yes it does happen. My chest definitely changes according to the t dosage. Funny you should mention coming around slightly to the thought of having facial hair. I gotta say that it's kind of similar for me. Even though I didn't want ANY exterior markers of a specific gender to begin with it now seems less terrifying somehow. Say does staying on t for you have anything to do with body outline (in the sense of shoulder to hip ratio?), strength or stamina? I feel like that means so much to me. As for finding affirmation in people speculating on your gender, I get that. But also I hate that, because it's been a reaction I get (to some degree) for years before T. Yes it has a lot to do with middle eastern perceptions of gender (I'm Israeli). But I gotta say I have yet to experience anyone being that level of cool about it. People are usually a pain in the butt about it.
happy new year to you as well. thanks for watching and commenting. it's interesting to know that we share some of the same experiences-- especially feelings about facial hair. re: body outline, the only thing that has changed for me body outline wise is the fat redistribution from my thighs/butt to my mid-section, which i can't stand, honestly. that said, i wish the fat would just fuck off already, but alas. i have to burn it off somehow?! my shoulder:hip ratio hasn't changed at all, but i feel like, judging by your videos, you've always had rather wide shoulders compared to your hips...? but maybe you've experienced fat redistribution from your hips that i simply haven't noticed, which makes a difference to you. re: strength and stamina, stamina most definitely. for me, that ties into not being anemic anymore and words cannot convey how nice that has been for me. i also experience increased strength, but don't really care one way or another about that personally. also, i can totally see how confusing people in regards to your gender can backfire or just generally make one's life more difficult rather than being a good thing. the old lady on the phone from the visa office that i spoke to is totally an example of that and i've had other experiences when younger that also tell me that that is definitely a thing that can suck. gender confusion is a double-edged sword, for sure...
Thanks for this update Vesper. It's good to see you again and to see what your updates have been. I hope 2019 is a good year for you. The TMI info about the chest was actually something I was really curious about in regards to T so I'm glad you discussed it. I relate a lot to what you said about making it more difficult for people to make a conclusion about your gender or to confuse what your gender is. And it's really interesting what you said about gender differing between cultures. I think in Japan it's a little bit more fluid in terms of masculine presentation, as in masculine people here can have "manbags" and are generally more fashion conscious and what we would call "metrosexual" in America but after a while of being here it feels pretty normal and natural although there are other areas of Japan that are so heavily gendered to where men and women are expected to do certain roles.
thanks! wishing you a great year to come as well. :) i generally try to steer clear of describing masculinity in Japan from what feels like (to me; not trying to suggest that you have done anything wrong here) a Western-centric POV, but i understand what you mean. i'm sure that this is a Western-centric POV in and of itself, but rather than describing Japanese masculinity as being more "metrosexual", i find it more accurate to say that American/Western notions of masculinity are *hyper*masculine to the point of being especially toxic, whereas Japan suffers a similar problem with hyperfemininity and toxic femininity..... but that's just my humble opinion and a topic for another time. Japan definitely does suffer from serious heteronormativity, amatonormativity and gender roles, though, for sure. ugh.
Thanks for sharing all of this with us ! It’s really helped me.I would love to hear a video on how the cultural difference in how ppl gender you in Japan and America (what you were talking about towards the end of the video)...I’m really interested to what you have to say,only if you want to share of course
The confusion experiences that I've had are becoming less and less frequent, because the city I live in is becoming more aware of the gender spectrum, and businesses are making more accomodations for those of us who are outside of the binary system. (safe restrooms and using gender neutral language) In general, I correct folks when they mis-gender me. Some people just say "oh sorry!", but for some people, they want more information on what's going on. When there is confusion about my sex, it's usually because people assume that I was assigned male at birth. My flat chest, and the fact that I wear skirts, dresses, etc. makes them assume I'm male-to-female, and even one confused person thought hormones have raised my voice to sound more "female". These assumptions don't actually give me euphoria because I know how enraged and violent certain segments of U.S. society get when they think someone is a trans woman, and it's even more so if the person is black, so I feel a bit nervous about having those conversations with people.
1) Where do you get your binders in Japan?? 2) Is there anyway to express the nuance of, "Well, I'm not a man, so.... (come to your own conclusions)." 3) What is this Japanese book on non-binary folks? I think I might like to get it for a coworker... 4) Calcifer is adorbs.
long time no see/chat! 1) gc2b (www.gc2b.co), a popular and affordable binder brand made by and for trans/non-binary people ships to Japan. i also have these Japanese brand nabeshirts (www.nabeshirt.com), which i highly recommend but are more costly and require Japanese to get. 2) まあ、男子でもないし… / maa, danshi demo nai shi... / well, i'm not [even] a man, so... 3) bearing in mind that the book i mentioned is an academic book and probably not the best book to recommend to someone as a casual read / 101 book, i can send you the title if you're still interested. i hesitate to share it here only because i'm not sure that its author would want her identity in any way connected to this video. as a more casual introductory book on what it means to be trans and/or non-binary, i recommend the Japanese translation of Ash Hardell's ABC's of LGBT+ (amzn.asia/d/aIAjmF0). if academic text isn't a problem, there's also 「Xジェンダーって何?」 by Label X (amzn.asia/d/aUn4NjI), but i'm also more than happy to share my friend's book in private to anyone who is interested. 4)
Honestly I didn't find out I was non binary till my third year of hrt and I don't plan on stopping hrt cause it makes me happy for the most part (minus the body hair). So I say do what makes you feel happy
Hopefully I don't repeat myself in this comment, I'm still far away from HRT but hoping for the possibility of an on-off and/or low dose T combined with DHT-blockers to hopefully reduce bottom growth and facial hair growth, would that be a possibility for you in Japan?
DHT blockers with T to reduce bottom growth/facial hair growth...? hmm... unfortunately Japan doesn't believe in blockers, refusing to even prescribe them to trans women or other AMAB people on estrogen (which is really fkin dangerous, btw, but that is a rant for another time), so i'm afraid that that isn't an option, unfortunately. thanks for the thought, though.
![‘The point [of Project 2025] is to erase the idea that trans people are real’](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/J8mj042GW64/mqdefault.jpg)
I am a non-binary black asexual who is also thinking of taking T as apart of my transition. But I have a few anxieties about it. So finding someone with so many identities that match up with my own is extremely comforting for me. So just thanks for existing and putting your life out there for others to experience.
Also also I love sphynx cats!
I like these in depth videos about changes on T because I’ve considered hrt as part of my transition. This is very interesting and helpful.
Edit: I’ve been asked if I was a boy or girl twice and I wish I would get asked that more often. I just want more ppl to be confused
glad to help! thanks for watching. :)
i also wish that people would be more honest about being confused instead of feeling forced to gender a person one way or another even when they're not sure.
Hey! Happy New Year.
I cannot stress enough, how much your videos along with a few others, have really helped me as an enby. I'm not on T, as I'm closeted and still a teenager, however just hearing you speak about your journey calms me. It's like I can sorta relate and learn more about both myself and others. It's really helped me through the year when dysphoria started hitting hard and I didn't feel valid. Idk if that sounds weird, but yeah lol.
You amongst a few others really just helped me feel comfortable in my lame skin. And here's a thanks to that :)
(Idk how to spell your cat's name, but he's beautiful ❤)
happy new year! and thank you so much for watching and for the kind words. i'm glad to be able to help in any way that i can-- but the feeling [un]comfortable in your own 'lame' skin... i can very much relate to that and it means a lot to know that i'm able to help someone else with that. :)
thanks again and all the best to you in 2019! Calcifer also thanks you for the kind words.;)
💜! I hope everything starts to improve for you especially with the dysphoria. It truly sucks and you deserve the best ✌
Calcifer is very welcome :)
A number of years ago, I lost about 55 pounds and experienced the “deflation” of the chest as well. And monthly hell effects that-lots of dysphoria. I’ve found doing some weights and building up the muscles in my chest help feel feel broader overall. That helps a bit during monthly hell. Hopefully you can find something to help you feel more comfortable too.
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable.
thank you for sharing and for the kind words of solidarity. best wishes to you as well.
Gender euphoria re: people not knowing what gender you were assigned at birth and transition goals being that you want to confuse people, I'm crying, I feel so seen!!! I kind of want to sit down and do a video about moments of gender euphoria like this, it's so affirming to hear you talk about this ♡
Thanks for sharing, I'm transitioning at 57yrs. I already pass as male and haven't even started T yet, in 1 weeek I will start. I am appreciating your words! Thanks!
This is very insightful, I've been seeking out the experiences of other black non-binary people because recently I've decided that I wanted to go on T in the future. I've kind of been struggling with feeling like my reasoning for going on T is valid and what I want from it is okay. I don't really want facial hair either, but at first I was judging myself for this because of online comments like "you need to want all the changes of T or you don't want T" from others. But I'm not a man either. So I've been trying to seek out experiences of people like me. It's been very comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has had these thoughts about T and that it doesn't mean I shouldn't be on T. I'm slowly feeling more confident in what I want and how I want to be. I feel like this comment has kinda gotten away from me so I'll stop now :)
Edit: yeah just remembered what I wanted to say. Seeing non-binary people who are already * on * T and feel more like themselves gives me hope and a better sense of what my future could be
im so glad you made and shared this and that i found it because im questioning if i should stop being on hrt and any info on hrt from other enbies seems rare and very valuable. thanks a ton!
Interesting video. I appreciate the stories on how people react to you socially
happy to share. thanks for watching. :)
Totally missed your presence.
thank you for your continual viewership and comments. much appreciated.
I am ACE and I will start TRT. I am a tall, masculine, muscular man, but my T levels were extremely low.
I am taking TRT for increased energy, better focus, and body fat reduction.
HOWEVER, as a heteroromantic ACE, I hope that my physical attraction for women changes to sexual attraction to them. If it happens great; if it does not, great too. But this second puberty I am facing will certainly be a wild ride!
So great to see you back and you totally don't need to explain yourself if you change dosage etc with T either way! It's more or less how I plan to do things, I know I want some level of T and might want surgery but don't feel like I actually know how long I'll go on it. So it's a relief when I see other people able to reassess what they need to feel comfortable about themselves.
Of course I'm biased because this video was closer to what I want to do, but I'd feel the same about someone who finds the opposite of me. Like someone else in the comments I use sports to change my body shape to an extent, 8hrs a week is no joke, but that's also dependent on energy levels(and since this is martial arts I also question how long I can go without being put off by injuries). I hope that you're doing well and am still only halfway through xD your videos are always insightful and reassuring to me, I hope making them isn't too stressful.
Calcifer is so cool by the way!
Happy new year! Thanks for your update and stories. I was looking forward to it. Great to hear you are feeling better dysphoria-wise.
Gotta say the chest thing, yes it does happen. My chest definitely changes according to the t dosage.
Funny you should mention coming around slightly to the thought of having facial hair. I gotta say that it's kind of similar for me. Even though I didn't want ANY exterior markers of a specific gender to begin with it now seems less terrifying somehow.
Say does staying on t for you have anything to do with body outline (in the sense of shoulder to hip ratio?), strength or stamina? I feel like that means so much to me.
As for finding affirmation in people speculating on your gender, I get that. But also I hate that, because it's been a reaction I get (to some degree) for years before T. Yes it has a lot to do with middle eastern perceptions of gender (I'm Israeli). But I gotta say I have yet to experience anyone being that level of cool about it. People are usually a pain in the butt about it.
happy new year to you as well. thanks for watching and commenting. it's interesting to know that we share some of the same experiences-- especially feelings about facial hair.
re: body outline, the only thing that has changed for me body outline wise is the fat redistribution from my thighs/butt to my mid-section, which i can't stand, honestly. that said, i wish the fat would just fuck off already, but alas. i have to burn it off somehow?! my shoulder:hip ratio hasn't changed at all, but i feel like, judging by your videos, you've always had rather wide shoulders compared to your hips...? but maybe you've experienced fat redistribution from your hips that i simply haven't noticed, which makes a difference to you.
re: strength and stamina, stamina most definitely. for me, that ties into not being anemic anymore and words cannot convey how nice that has been for me. i also experience increased strength, but don't really care one way or another about that personally.
also, i can totally see how confusing people in regards to your gender can backfire or just generally make one's life more difficult rather than being a good thing. the old lady on the phone from the visa office that i spoke to is totally an example of that and i've had other experiences when younger that also tell me that that is definitely a thing that can suck. gender confusion is a double-edged sword, for sure...
Congrats on 1 year! This was all super interesting and helpful so thank you so much for sharing!
thanks for watching and commenting. best wishes in 2019~! :)
@@QueerAsCat you too!🌟
Thanks for sharing your stories of gender euphoria!
thank you for watching! :)
Thanks for this update Vesper. It's good to see you again and to see what your updates have been. I hope 2019 is a good year for you. The TMI info about the chest was actually something I was really curious about in regards to T so I'm glad you discussed it. I relate a lot to what you said about making it more difficult for people to make a conclusion about your gender or to confuse what your gender is. And it's really interesting what you said about gender differing between cultures. I think in Japan it's a little bit more fluid in terms of masculine presentation, as in masculine people here can have "manbags" and are generally more fashion conscious and what we would call "metrosexual" in America but after a while of being here it feels pretty normal and natural although there are other areas of Japan that are so heavily gendered to where men and women are expected to do certain roles.
thanks! wishing you a great year to come as well. :)
i generally try to steer clear of describing masculinity in Japan from what feels like (to me; not trying to suggest that you have done anything wrong here) a Western-centric POV, but i understand what you mean. i'm sure that this is a Western-centric POV in and of itself, but rather than describing Japanese masculinity as being more "metrosexual", i find it more accurate to say that American/Western notions of masculinity are *hyper*masculine to the point of being especially toxic, whereas Japan suffers a similar problem with hyperfemininity and toxic femininity..... but that's just my humble opinion and a topic for another time. Japan definitely does suffer from serious heteronormativity, amatonormativity and gender roles, though, for sure. ugh.
Really interesting thoughts as always ! I'm looking forward to watching the videos you mentioned you might do in the future :) (no pressure though)
will do my best...! ( appreciate the no pressure, though. D; )
Thanks for sharing all of this with us ! It’s really helped me.I would love to hear a video on how the cultural difference in how ppl gender you in Japan and America (what you were talking about towards the end of the video)...I’m really interested to what you have to say,only if you want to share of course
The confusion experiences that I've had are becoming less and less frequent, because the city I live in is becoming more aware of the gender spectrum, and businesses are making more accomodations for those of us who are outside of the binary system. (safe restrooms and using gender neutral language) In general, I correct folks when they mis-gender me. Some people just say "oh sorry!", but for some people, they want more information on what's going on. When there is confusion about my sex, it's usually because people assume that I was assigned male at birth. My flat chest, and the fact that I wear skirts, dresses, etc. makes them assume I'm male-to-female, and even one confused person thought hormones have raised my voice to sound more "female". These assumptions don't actually give me euphoria because I know how enraged and violent certain segments of U.S. society get when they think someone is a trans woman, and it's even more so if the person is black, so I feel a bit nervous about having those conversations with people.
I love your cat
he is, indeed, awesome. :)
Thanks for sharing with us
thank you for watching. :)
1) Where do you get your binders in Japan??
2) Is there anyway to express the nuance of, "Well, I'm not a man, so.... (come to your own conclusions)."
3) What is this Japanese book on non-binary folks? I think I might like to get it for a coworker...
4) Calcifer is adorbs.
long time no see/chat!
1) gc2b (www.gc2b.co), a popular and affordable binder brand made by and for trans/non-binary people ships to Japan. i also have these Japanese brand nabeshirts (www.nabeshirt.com), which i highly recommend but are more costly and require Japanese to get.
2) まあ、男子でもないし… / maa, danshi demo nai shi... / well, i'm not [even] a man, so...
3) bearing in mind that the book i mentioned is an academic book and probably not the best book to recommend to someone as a casual read / 101 book, i can send you the title if you're still interested. i hesitate to share it here only because i'm not sure that its author would want her identity in any way connected to this video.
as a more casual introductory book on what it means to be trans and/or non-binary, i recommend the Japanese translation of Ash Hardell's ABC's of LGBT+ (amzn.asia/d/aIAjmF0). if academic text isn't a problem, there's also 「Xジェンダーって何?」 by Label X (amzn.asia/d/aUn4NjI), but i'm also more than happy to share my friend's book in private to anyone who is interested.
4)
Honestly I didn't find out I was non binary till my third year of hrt and I don't plan on stopping hrt cause it makes me happy for the most part (minus the body hair). So I say do what makes you feel happy
Nurx is 15$ to 20$ a month for BC. If you wanna try it.
OMG MY CATS NAME IS CALCIFER TOO AND I ALSO CALL HIM CALCIFEE :O
im 32 and am 2 months on t aye
Hopefully I don't repeat myself in this comment, I'm still far away from HRT but hoping for the possibility of an on-off and/or low dose T combined with DHT-blockers to hopefully reduce bottom growth and facial hair growth, would that be a possibility for you in Japan?
And thanks for the part about confusion in public, that was really helpful and empowering.
DHT blockers with T to reduce bottom growth/facial hair growth...? hmm...
unfortunately Japan doesn't believe in blockers, refusing to even prescribe them to trans women or other AMAB people on estrogen (which is really fkin dangerous, btw, but that is a rant for another time), so i'm afraid that that isn't an option, unfortunately. thanks for the thought, though.