I Spent 5 Years Mastering This Technique - The Art Of The 1:1 Meeting
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 3. 08. 2024
- 1:1s are a critical part of growing as an engineer.
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Hi! Iâm Rahul, a software engineer and founder with a passion for teaching.
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References:
†Mark Rabkinâs article âThe Art of the Awkward 1:1â: / the-art-of-the-awkward...
†Creativity while walking: pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articl...
†Credit for the enhanced lighting goes to my friend Andrew: / @kylapom
Timestamps:
0:00 - Intro
1:29 - Pursue awkward 1:1s
3:53 - Go beyond status updates
5:56 - Write down takeaways
#TechCareerGrowth
After working as a Software engineer in one of the FAANG companies as a fresher, one thing I wish I knew earlier was: "You are not as dumb as you think, and people around you are not as smart as you think". After working on a few minor projects, I got to know that senior engineers are senior not exactly because they are wayy more intelligent, its because they have the historical context with them, they have seen things being built from scratch which you are told to work on now and they have a very clear way of explaining things. The way they talk and break their problems down, i feel its very underrated in the software field. That is why when you feel that asking a question will make you feel dumb, dont hesitate. Ask questions. The only thing is to research before asking questions. That will engage the seniors as well.
lol almost all senior devs's iq fall in the range of 110 to 130 which is higher than the junior devs.
In my experience one of the biggest challenges with doing awkward 1:1s is the fear that exposing vulnerabilities or misgivings might expose you to increased scrutiny over said things instead of kicking off an earnest conversation about them. Compound that with the fact that a lot of people in tech are from non-white communities where there's sometimes far less cultural receptiveness towards admitting weakness or criticizing superiors -- the perpetual anxiety over getting the "oh you're swamped? Why don't you just quit then" response
Yes 1:1s can blow up in your face if your not careful. Like any other meeting you should agree on a reason for meeting otherwise one or both of you will be lost.
This dude is a genius, struggled to learn various concepts in android until i bumped into his CZcams Channel. Apart from his amazing demos, he explains everything very CLEARLY. Please continue the good work Rahul, i'm expecting more and more videos and lessons from you man. Thanks for your amazing work and dedication.
Ahh thanks James!!
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Love this video! As a mid level engineer in the Bay Area, I see how the small things make a big difference. Having a good 1:1 where everyone comes away happy but you come away with some important steps for the next few months is huge. I will definitely start keeping notes on our meetings and focus on being more vulnerable when the situation calls for it. I agree with everything said here and will work that into my weekly routine
I love this! My 1:1s have been so hard for me, Iâve hated the feeling of being uncomfortable in them. This is a big help and so actionable thanks so much!
your explanations are concise, relatable, and so easy to follow! thank you for the help youâre giving an early-career software engineer!
I'm a manager. I creating safe space, truly listen with my heart to allow people to open up to me. You gonna understand that people are different. They have life admin to deal with. Amazing thing always happen to my team because there is zero fear in my team. We talk, laugh, sometimes argue. The difference between a manager and a leader to me is that human touch.
Pershing awkward 1:1s is a great point. Very unique perspective. Iâve read/watch numerous pieces on improving 1:1s and never encountered this point before. Great video
Senior engineer: *pursues the awkward 1:1*
10x engineer: *pursues the awkward standup*
wow, thank you for this video, its was well put. And i will try to include these in my 1 on 1's
This has been on my mind for so long. Thank you so very much! Also, your videos are soo helpful
100% agree with your points. When I meet 1x1 with people for the first time, if we aren't saying something that makes us feel vulnerable it's a waste of time. I like to tell them to think about it like Vegas (what happens there?) so that people know I'm serious and want to handle sensitive topics. It builds instant report and genuinely meaningful relationships to discuss real life with.
Bingo! On Point. Thanks.
Rahul, these are exactly the kind of videos I was looking for and I am glad you have come up with them. Please keep these amazing videos coming!
thanks Pratish!
So insightful thanks Rahul!
Great video. Ideas are well thought out & articulated
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Thank you. The point about maintaining a shared Google doc hit home with me. I never really thought about that while doing my 1-on-1's. Much appreciated.
Wonderful video, thanks Rahul!
Our live session is over, but you can find more high quality info about meetings + 1:1s in the Taro app: joinTaro.com
Thanks to my friend Andrew for improving my lighting :) czcams.com/channels/hJsnCUzoh4zVQ2etRKjC6g.html
Thanks for the information, Rahul. Junior SDE here. My 1-on-1s have always been about status updates. Career growth was never discussed. And now I haven't had one since Dec of last year. I assumed my manager was just too busy, but I see him having 1-on-1s with other members of the team. Not sure what should be done here. But it's a red flag for sure.
@@Finn-jp6pn I think that is a red flag. I'd ask you manager when their plans are re: a regular career conversation
Always an informative video, Thank you.
This could be one of the best videos Iâve seen for my career, thanks, Rahul. I appreciate how you have made it a point to embrace awkwardness
Thanks Sujay
I wish I could have seen this video earlier. Great content. Thanks.
I hate 1:1's. There's nothing that justifies these worthless meetings. I want to sit down, do my work and as long as I get it done, I want my manager to leave me the fuck alone.
Exactly! It is just a colossal waste of time. Managers usually do not care about employees at all
I am currently an intern and all the points you talked about having meaningful 1X1s are actually already been used by the current company(startup).
Now I really understand why they insist to write notes after every 1X1 in slack private channel with the manager, and why my manager focuses on having open conversations which creates awkward 1X1s.
Wow.
Loving your content man đ
thanks Utkarsh!
This was AMAZING ! Thank you so much for such great ideas
thank you đ„°
@@RahulPandeyrkp I just tried your ideas in my 1:1 meeting with my manager. He loved them !
I thought I was the only one who had awkward 1:1s, it's comforting to hear it's normal
at least initially, I think it's totally normal
Great information brother
The best video for 1:1 topic. I like it
This is really good advice
Very useful video. Thanks!
my pleasure!
This channel deserves millions of subscribers
The vast majority of managers in tech lack the maturity to have positive awkward conversations. This video has a fairly idealistic tenor.
Man, his content is not only useful for independent developers, entrepreneurs, but it is also definitely useful for large company workers. Awesome stuff.
how is this useful for independent developers?
Thank you!
welcome :)
First! And, can you please make a video on how to grow/get promoted quickly as a new grad at a company like Meta?
we have some promotion content available in the Tech Career Growth mobile app!
I like the background , great going
thank you! credit to my friend Andrew who came over to help me with this
this assumes the relationship and communication is balanced, rational, and healthy. generally, most managers are not looking to take on additional 'actions' and such an exchange benefits them little. your position, roles, and ranking are typically determined when you are hired into a position. no amount of work will change the managers mind. A rule of thumb in an earlier technology company said that if you wanted to advance, you either had to know 'Bill' or 'Steve'. This is the real world we live in.
Right, there's an assumption here that the manager actually cares about you + your career growth
Thanks
Great video. Well articulated.
I am reading "how to win friends and influence people". This is a great book to improve conversations of any kind and get the best out of people. I already started looking at 1:1 as an opportunity while reading this book.
I've heard great things about that book
Thanks so much
Thanks Jatin!
Wow I was doing it completely wrong! And it went into some bad things which I could recognize much sooner. Thanks again for the amazing piece of knowledge and sharing your experience, this is improving me as a developer!
That is my ultimate goal - create better developers đŻđŻ
Hello Rahul,
This video was extremely informative and I learn so much from your videos.
I wanted to ask you if you have any tips as to how to become better at communicating one's ideas to people. It is something I really struggle with a lot. Is it just practice or are there key things to note when articulating ideas?
I mean this in the general sense, not just with tech ideas.
Once again, great video and information.
thanks Alexis, yes we have some content in Taro and plan on publishing more about that!
Hey Rahul, love your content, great insights. Quick question, i heard the best time to switch a team is when the team needs you the most(Or correct me if this assumption is completely wrong.), but on the contrary it sounds opposite. It becomes a catch 22 situation. So whats your take on the best time to switch a team in early phase of carrier?
If you want leverage for a negotiation, you have that most when the team needs you. But if you're just switching teams, I'd work closely with your manager to understand the timeline and what you're interested in.
Great insights, thanks, appreciate all the info! Minor - NBD - Is slide on 2:27 had a typo for disengaged?
ugh you're right, thank you for pointing it out! I'm embarrassed now, hard to fix at this point đ
Thanks.
Great information, thank you!
Question: is there a specific way to modify 1:1's when you have employees scattered or embedded in remote offices? You are not all under one roof...
I was looking for this videi
Some managers see only speed of delivery as trust regardless of quality of code and scalability of design! How do you earn trust in such cases ?
Sounds like a bad manager! Can you switch teams?
@@RahulPandeyrkp Now you are talking! You have to address these issues in your videos, the underbelly of the industry.
Wow đ€Ż
Thank you! This is really helpful. Could you please make a video on how to organize/structure your learnings for different projects?
will add it to the queue. BTW, for informal discussions, would recommend you join one of the live sessions for Tech Career Growth where we take questions.
Great video! Thanks for sharing! My question is whether the effect of the advice is still as good if your manager is not a good manager.
Good question. There is an underlying assumption of trust with your manager -- if you don't have that, I'd feel nervous about over-sharing with them. (so it depends on what you mean by "not good")
@@RahulPandeyrkp Sorry for my vague term "not good manager" :) Let me rephrase: managers that have not understood your three advice themselves.
Any signs from which we can tell: oh, I can discuss awkward topics with this manager, etc. Thanks!
Hey Rahul good content. I wanted just to add something. One on ones are not meant to be awkward. The role of the manager is to build the required trust so that the direct feels that they are heard and open up for that "awkward" conversation. If those conversation still feel awkward after lets say 6 months of weekly one on ones, you should reconsider your way of doing things.
Good point, at some point hopefully you develop a rapport with your manager
I have been shying away from 1:1 for some time. Last 1:1 with my manager was done by my manager. I changed my approach and did really good. Now I am gonna ask for more 1:1 with my manager, in previous company doing 1:1 with my lead led to good results. Thank you for this and I think 1:1 should be used, should be uncomfortable.
I have a difficult time being vulnerable and sharing openly about things because in my previous job, my manager took what I said the wrong way and she felt insecure after I told her what I felt was the truth about what was going on with the team (which I only shared because she wanted my âhonestâ opinion). I believe she then started to act passive aggressively towards me and even spoke behind my back, which Iâve caught her gossip about other people in the team with another coworker. Deep inside, I believe people donât want to have awkward conversations and they honestly canât handle honest feedback. My current manager seems different but I donât know how much to share, and I only keep it at the work level.
I feel like it's about the incentive structure and how much power your manager has. If their role is truly to support your career, and they're not worried about looking stupid to their boss, they shouldn't have ego around getting honest feedback
Have you considered just doing you job? You know, which you are paid for. Then share with your wife or husband or boyfriend or girfriend or dad or mom or friend?
@@devstuff2576 whatâs your point?
you are wise to be cautious.
Well I wish I had a manager like you
there are few managers that would respond to this technique positively, in the real world.
Great information.
I have downloaded the app (iOS) but unable to navigate to the aforementioned session. Is the link created or will be coming up later ?
The session about effective 1:1s hasn't happened yet! It will be in about 2 weeks, and after that we'll cut it up and put it in the app
Hi Rahul, great video, are these tips for junior devs as well?
definitely
@@RahulPandeyrkp thanks
Great video, thank you!
I have found this video just in time.
I have a question: I am joining a job next week and have a 1:1 meeting on my day 1 to orient me to my job role.
The meeting with this person has always been hurried during interviews and in our prevous 4-5 interactions they switched on their video only once.
How to handle this situation and engage them a bit little longer, they are always busy
can you share an agenda with them ahead of time, and include a rough breakdown of how long you anticipate spending on each item?
@@RahulPandeyrkp thank you for the reply.
I am not seeing any possibility right now of sharing an agenda ahead of time. Cannot write much here, but I am taking the other tips in your video, for example the shared Google doc idea. I usually note down on paper nd email the minutes of meeting, shared Google doc is a far better way to do it. Looking at the productivity section on the TCG app too, some really great tips there, you are doing great work! :)
The walking 1:1 is really a great idea
I love walking and talking/thinking!
I don't like 1:1 meetings...I miss the old days where I didn't talk to my manager
Can you link the Google 1:1 docs? Thanks
For new grads with average internship experiences and offers from Google and Meta, where would you personally recommend going?
I'd recommend Meta (Facebook). The stock is undervalued right now and growth is much faster for new grads
đŻ
Some of the engineers that report to me do not prefer to walk because in a growing culture of open workplaces, a closed room private discussion allows them to express more freely without the burden of saying something awkward in public.
That's a great point, FB was nice since we'd typically do walking 1:1s outdoors
Awesome video! Damn, I have 1:1 every 3 months... I guess that's the practice around here. Also, isn't weekly 1:1 too frequently?
weekly is the default for all the companies I've been at! If your manager has a lot of reports, I think biweekly is fine, but IMO every 3 months is way too infrequent.
Every 3 months, I thought, it was mostly 1:1 meeting with manager of the manager. Atleast in my company
@@Pulkit__7 yeah that sounds right. Usually skip level 1:1s (with bosses boss) are less frequent like every 3 months. My previous job was like that where my manager was checked out mentally since he was close to retirement and we would have one on ones like once every 4 months. I agree though that is way too infrequent.
Rahul how to join Tech Career Growth. Is there a group or something? How to get any updates?
yes we're on Slack -- check the description of the video :)
Hey Rahul i am very insecure about my english. How can i improve my grammar, writing skills and vocabulary?
any resources or tips will be helpful
just practice as much as possible with others
Do you think sending a fixed agenda beforehand might be useful?
i think that's a great idea. I would frame it less as a "fixed agenda" and more as a few discussion points to guide the conversation
what is 1:1 ?
If manager has no time for 1-1 for any one , just team meetings / section meetings?
why doesn't your manager have time for a 1:1?
How can I talk to you Rahul Pandey and what is your charge for consultation?
hi Annie, that's why I made Taro :) jointaro.com/membership
can we ask for good salary hike in meetings?
You can (should) discuss compensation, but only after some rapport has been built
These are good in theory, but I've run into too many software devs who would prefer staying in their own space and not open up about anything. On the other side of the 1:1 too many managers simply want to check the box that they had their 1:1's with their reports. I'm shocked on the frequency you had / have these. The most frequent 1:1 schedule I ever had was monthly and that is rarely kept.
That's surprising to me. At almost every company I'm familiar with (I'm in the Bay Area), 1:1s are weekly, or at least bi-weekly.
Iâm in NYC and have mostly worked in the financial sector. Iâm also more senior. These are probably key contributors to the differing experiences.
my experience as well, over a long career. it's a box checking exercise for the managers, and they try to limit any substantive interaction.
Wow i know someone named Sauraph Pandey and he looks like you
ooh I know a Saurabh Pandey too đ
can we have you as our prime minister!!â€
haha that sounds like a stressful job
@@RahulPandeyrkp đwe will turn india into a futuristic computer science country đ„șđ
Disagree. These tips can only be used when you've a good manager and a good company. Keeping a written record of your gripes for HR to look at is terrible advice, at some companies.
A bit too idealistic this time.
Are you reading something from the screen? Haha
kind of :P at what point is it obvious?
@@RahulPandeyrkp ive noticed it in your other vids before too. But it seems like you are not looking at the camera directly but just right above it in most of the time
I really hate these stuff. Leave therapy to therapy. All I want from my manager is "do x, you did x, here is your money". Not all of us need our companies to act like our families...we have families (which are functional and supportive). Jeez.
It's not about being a family. I view as more quickly getting to the impactful conversation
@@RahulPandeyrkp I kind of agree...1:1s on paper sound awesome...but if your manager is toxic..it's another Avenue for workplace bullying
@@citydweller99 Most managers are toxic! That is in the job description!
Lol I have 1:1 in 2 hours
timely :)
Your 1on1's sounds a bit gay...
Just saying ))
That wannabe American accent đđ
Thanks so much
thanks for your support Jatin
Thanks