How To Discipline A Strong-Willed Child
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- čas přidán 6. 05. 2020
- It may sound difficult for parents to discipline a strong-willed child, but it really isn't. It's only a matter of patience and investing time in them. If you're having trouble doing so, stay tuned because I'm going to share with you some tips on how to discipline your child. I know this because I am strong-willed too! Watch on to learn more about it!
Watch and Enjoy!
Nicholeen Peck
Teaching Self-Government
Key Moments in this Episode
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01:32 When I was 14 years old...
04:50 Does she want something?
06:15 It was just a step
07:52 Manipulation
09:20 They need people to invest in them
10:48 Consistency
12:04 Rule of Three
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About Nicholeen Peck
========================
Despite your best efforts at raising children, is your family dysfunctional? Do your children set the rules and have control of your home instead of you? Are you looking for parenting skills that will help you create a united, happy family?
Then meet Nicholeen Peck, one of the world’s most effective parenting experts. Whether you want to fix child behavioral issues, create more unity in the home, or simply strengthen your family relationships, her proven system - Teaching Self-Government - can help you turn chaos into calm.
"People are starving for help to save their families," says Nicholeen.
Since 1999, her seminars, workshops, one-on-one training sessions, parenting videos and books have helped thousands of families worldwide regain peace, be happy and maintain unity in their home. The secret? Learning how to use effective family systems based on parenting that’s deliberate and pro-active (instead of reactive). It all starts with the principles of self-government. If you’re a family of faith, you’ll especially love how your faith and values can be woven into her parenting system.
In 2009, Nicholeen and her husband starred in the BBC reality TV show, “The World’s Strictest Parents” (watch here: bit.do/StrictestParents). She became an overnight sensation by turning around two out-of-control teenagers from England after just one week - without shouting, threats or manipulation. Her amazing success comes from the positive parenting techniques of using calmness, effective communication and principles of self-government.
Nicholeen Peck’s Accomplishments
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* Author of “Parenting: A House United,” “Popular Parenting Methods: Are They Really Working?,” “Roles: The Secret to Family, Business, and Social Success” and many other books and magazine articles.
* President of The Worldwide Organization for Women (WOW).
* Nicholeen regularly speaks at the United Nations and other congresses around the world as an advocate for strengthening families and motherhood.
* In 2009 her family was featured on the BBC reality show, “The World’s Strictest Parents.
* Trained as a foster parent for Utah Youth Village.
* Has parented many troubled foster children.
* Successfully raised (and raising) four children of her own.
Testimonials
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“Her loving parenting techniques work with ALL children.”
Kristi, www.thankfulme.blogspot.com
“Thank you for your insights and solutions. They have helped my family so much.”
Michelle
“My husband and I have started implementing some of your techniques, and our house has been so different!”
Julianne
“I feel that my children respect me more. I will be eternally grateful for what I have learned from Nicholeen Peck.”
Michelle Baker
“If you want to forge the strongest family bonds possible, to repair damaged relationships, and redeem a child that seems completely lost, then this program IS for you.”
Sandra
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Video by Nate Woodbury
BeTheHeroStudios.com
/ natewoodbury
#TeachingSelfGovernment
#Homeschool
#Family
I see that I'm 2 years late to this video but MY GOODNESS. One of the most helpful videos I've ever seen. You are so thorough and clear in your explaining. Lots of thanks and love to you! I have a strong-willed 4 yo daughter and 13 yo son.
Wow, thank you! I'm so glad it was helpful. Better late than never!
I'm watching this with tears in my eyes because you are my daughter, she's 16 and visibly strong-willed since birth (wouldn't even let you hold her in a cradle position, head had to be up at all times). I always said her strong will was an amazing adult trait to have but was just difficult to parent in a child. It's been 16yrs (some years better than others) and you've just given me hope. I wish someone would tell her the "Say OK & be OK" mantra your friend's mom told you, Lord knows it can't come from me or her dad or she just won't. Thanks so much for sharing! Love & gratitude from Okinawa 🙏🏽💗🌺.
There are lots of people in situations similar to yours. There's hope! You've got this!
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
Just had an “ Ah ha moment!” Thank you so much! And yes it’s so true my strong will child is very freaking smart! He challenges my parenting skills. Thank you! I’m so glad I found you.
am a strong willed child and i am here to teach my mom how to control me
😂😂😂
🤣😂😅👍🏼
Hope you pass on helpful strategies and become an effective leader
😂🤣😂
Same. My mom lets me tell her what she should do and I get to do anything. It’s quite boring and unstable so I’m trying to fix it if she won’t.
OMG you are amazing! I'm at a loss with my 5-year-old...But...I understand now. Thank you thank you thank you!
I've been listening to Dr. Paul for a while now and I love his content, and I just discovered your channel. Hallelujah!! I've been so bound because of my inability to be calm and my inability to receive truth!
Seriously, these videos and your toolkit course is an answer to my prayers! Thank you!
That's wonderful! I'm so glad my videos are helpful!
Struggling with my 9 year old son. This summarizes both him and I. I’m strong willed too! Thank you for sharing your knowledge!
You're welcome! I'm glad you found some useful information.
Who are youuuu?!?!?! I need to watch every video from you. My daughter has ADHD and we BOTH are really strong willed. Im the queen of "because I said so" so I really needed to hear this video. I get so mad and angry because she's not giving the respect I'm demanding and its just oil on the fire. I cant wait to learn more from you.
That's so sweet! :) If you'd like to learn as much as possible, check out my website. There's so much more there!
teachingselfgovernment.com/
I hope that helps!
I love this channel! I'm a mom of strong willed teen.
What a blessing! For real, though. Once you have a strong-willed person on the right path, they rarely stray from it.
So grateful for this woman...
These videos are extremely helpful. Thank you!
You're very welcome!
Thank you for this knowledge. :) really happy that I’ve found your channel
You're welcome! I'm glad you found me!
Great video!
I did a video last week about your book, parenting a house united. I really, really like your parenting style, self governing! 💕
Thank you! That's so cool!
I am trying. I had 3 of my own children. All are grown and have children of their own. I have guardianship of one of my grandson. He is 14. He is ODD and I’m not used to this. He has learned a lot from his narcissistic father and much disrespect for women. I cannot control him at all. I appreciate your videos.
I used your technique as I listing to your video my daughter refused to let me do her hair I asked hey how many steps does it take to go get your hair brush and cream she got excited ran and got them let me do her hair. I spent an hour chasing her telling her it time to do your hair it was a nightmare..within seconds making it a challenge got her to cooperate. Thank you ❤️ strong will is forsure leaders very important to train great leaders for the world wow this information blows me away!!!!
Thank you for all your videos!
My pleasure!
I think this is good for the strong willed adults in your life. Just gives you insight on where they're coming from. Good stuff!
Agreed! The skills are important for anyone in any phase of life. Great job analyzing and applying the information!
I find when my daughter is screaming to be heard I tell her come back and talk to me when you choose not to speak that way and then if she tries again with the same tone, I repeat it and then she eventyally changes the way she approaches. It takes sooo much energy that sometimes im just exhausted and in a fit of tears wondering how to get through to her as a single mother. I myself am also strong willed. Thanks so much for this video!
Great analysis! And you're welcome!
Thanks for your sharing
I have a smart 3years old girl she is a supper strong willed little one. It’s hard to rise her. But very rewarding.
Yes! Consider it a blessing! When strong-willed children are shown the right way to go and they accept it, there is much less of a chance that they will depart from it.
My nine year old girl is strong willed. My other children are not this way. I see the beautiful value in her personality despite it being very difficult at times! We are a homeschooling family. I really like the suggestion to pre plan what disciplinary steps will be used for disrespect. I admit that reminding her that "I am mama and that's why" doesn't work lols! My poor sweety ... i do understand how she feels alone and misunderstood as you explained in this video! She tells me and gets so angry and yells out and sometimes has such violent fits of crying 😢! I will try to preplan our day today the best I can as I can't afford your other products at this time. Hopefully, i can place an order sometime soon as working through this with her is very important to me ❤. I appreciate your video, thank you!
Great video!
I have 2 boys, 7&8 and they literally gang up on me and know when I'm tired! Its hard not to get angry when they are defiant consistently😔
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this! That can definitely be hard. It's really important to be consistent in your corrections and teach them the skills they need. But, it sounds like there might be a slight misunderstanding of roles in your household as well. I have a book all about that titled "Roles." If you'd like to learn a bit more about it, you can find it on my website here: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/roles-hardcover/
I wish you the best!
I have a 2 year old who is going to be extremely strong willed. I’m so glad I came across your video.
Ordering the book now!
It looks like you are extremely active in replying. I also have a 6 year old who is extremely sweet and kind hearted but very easily distracted so I wanted to know if you may have a resource that would help. Thanks again. I truly believe you saved me years of heartache and headache.
Well good things come to those that help themself.
czcams.com/video/RNciLiTtZTY/video.htmlsi=evDmarY1_66AAyeQ
Great question! It looks like you found one of my other videos that can help to answer that question. Love the initiative! The Four Basic Skills and consistency in applying and correcting them really helps with distraction issues. Also, breaking tasks down into smaller tasks is useful and effective.
I hope that helps!
This is fantastic video 💋❣️💜💖💯💕💕💕💕
What were those 4 children book name?? I didn't see it in the drop down unless I am missing it!! This I awesome and with in 6 hours I have already seen a change in both me and my 2 strong willed children!! So Thank you!!
You're welcome! Here's a link to the children's books on my website: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/childrens-books-package/
Londyn Larae Says "Okay!"
Porter Earns A Quarter
Big Win for Quin
Paije Takes the Stage
Thank you for the video! I just wanted to ask if this book is suitable for toddler's discipline?
Thank you. Jesus sent you to me at a perfect time. Struggling with my twin 5 year old girls. My level: fruits of the spirit. Just going on to the rest of your toolkit. I'm interested to know the references for the books you showed in this vid??
wow! Okie I understand the rule of three much better! Thank you. Also, I really want to purchase your book, however, the shipping cost is the same as the book which together is a lot.... Whats the reason for the large S&H costs? Much appreciated :D
Sorry for the high shipping and handling! It really depends on where you live and where you're ordering the book from. If it's something that just can't be figured out, I do have an audio version of my book on Audible that you can purchase and not have to worry about shipping and handling.
I hope that helps!
I need major help. I had my kids both being respectful, but then my daughter hit her teens and my ex blamed me whenever she was defiant… so it’s come to a point where I no longer discipline … and when I do, she shuts down on me for weeks. She is also going through a depression. I can’t afford counseling. I feel like I’ve lost her and don’t know how to get her back. She is now 15, and she seems to need me but refuses to allow me to have much of a relationship with her. I can’t say anything or do anything she may not like or the ice queen returns. At best she is a slushy queen… she is never warm and is very demanding. I don’t know how it got this way. Being a single mom with an undermining Disney dad ex who wants to be the favorite is the worst. I am at a loss as to how to get back on track. What you say makes sense, and it’s very similar to what I used to expect, but the train is off the rails, and for my own sake, I need it back on track.
As a strong willed individual I can honestly say you can’t control or force anything with them. Especially they hit their teenage years.
She is her own person, and is starting to step into viewing herself as an adult. That means when you make demands or just say no it comes across as you being controlling.
Try imagining going to a friends house and when you walk in the door they demand you to do the dishes and take out the trash or you will be punished. That’s not a friend you would want to spend time with to say the very least.
Then that friend finds out you were planning on going to the movies with some other friends from work and they say absolutely not and lock you in their house.
That’s how parenting is coming across to her. And let’s be clear as an adult if you had a friend that treated you that way you would cut them from your life. If you were forced to interact with them, you would hate them.
I do have some recommendations for what you can do that would help. This will allow you to rebuild trust, and your relationship. Once you cross that bridge then you can start working on her cooperation.
Step one, sit down with her and say that you want a better relationship with her and are willing to work on yourself to make that happen. You need to let her understand you care about her and you want her to be as happy as possible and you don’t want to be part of the problems she deals with from day to day.
Step two, ask her to write out everything you are doing wrong and why it’s a problem (the why is the most important insight you will receive). You can’t fix what’s broken if you don’t know what’s causing the problems. If at all possible have her write possible solutions to the problem as well. The key here is give her plenty of time (days or weeks occasionally asking how it’s coming as a reminder) don’t just put her on the spot and expect answers. Also have her place the finished list in a place when she is done so there’s no fear of retaliation.
Step three, this will be the hardest for most everyone… but it’s very important with building trust if you do want to see the relationship improve. When you receive the list thank them for their efforts towards your self improvement and don’t get mad at them for anything they wrote.
When I say don’t get mad I don’t just mean don’t lash out at them, I mean don’t hold any of it against them and don’t get defensive. This is one of those say ok and be ok moments.
Step four, evaluate and take everything the write down seriously. There’s may be a couple trivial/unreasonable things but these are all things they have been feeling and holding against you so they need to be addressed and understanding needs to be reached. There might be some very unpleasant truths or realizations about the way you have been coming off.
Step five. Take action, develop your plan on how to improve these issues. You may not be able to tackle it all at once but the key is to take control of your actions and emotions and fix what is within your control.
Step six, remember results take time. She is not going to change overnight just because you have. It may even take months of consistency on your part for her to take this effort seriously and see it as a lasting change in circumstance.
Step seven, reassure her that you love her and are working towards being better for her regularly. Don’t just use words but constantly prove it to her with your actions.
This should help mend things with time…
The next thing you want to look at is her depression. Once you have the relationship and trust back she will feel comfortable talking with you about things and if her depression is situational you can try to help.
Health and activity levels are a big part in this puzzle for many people. Eating healthy and working out will fix this in a lot of people. You can’t just demand they change their lifestyle they have to want to. The way I’d approach this is once you have built your relationship with her ask her to help you get back in shape, by going for walks with you and doing other activities outdoors. And show appreciation for her help when she does. You will be doing it to help her and she will be doing it to help you it’s a very sweet circumstance.
That is quite the situation! The full response to your comment is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your questions on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
You can also look into my online TSG Parenting Course, which guides you through creating a foundation for a self-governing family and teaching skills and principles to promote logical thinking and calm, happy interactions.
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope this helps!
Is the book appropriate for dealing with a very defiant and argumentative 16 yr old? If I pulled out those books, my daughter will laugh in my face and walk away…they look like books for elementary aged children so there is no way she would take it seriously. Do you recommend me showing this you tube video to her to explain the issues? Any help is much appreciated!!
Oh my God...ur talking abt my 5 year old child...everythg ur saying is my daughter..wow
There are so many strong willed children these days. When they all learn to channel it, they will be a very powerful generation!
My strong will seems to be my Achilles's heel. More like a curse than anything else
A strong will can be such a strength! I'm a strong-willed person, as are a couple of my children. It's helped them be amazing adults! It's a matter of pointing that strong will in the right direction and giving it positive and truth-powered support. You've got this!
God bless! you are gifted just so beautiful and kind helping us complecated life make it every thing will be alright
My sister, mother and father are strong willed people. My sister is now the VP of the company she works for.
My issue I now have a strong willed granddaughter who is amazing. Not sure how to deal with her when she has her moments
I love strong-willed people! They remind me of me. :) I have a daughter who is incredibly strong-willed, but I helped her use what could have been a problem and turn it into one of her greatest strengths. Her strong will helps her stay true to her values and virtues and dig deeper to find truth. She's also very bold, which stems from her strong will. I would say the best thing would be to help your granddaughter recognize that what is currently seen as a hinderance can be the thing that serves her the best.
k,,Do with a ok attitude. Depends on the situation..this Don't always work for kids
Should we watch together I love the mounds of knowledge you gave me
Me too I'm strong willed child too
And that's okay! Strong-willed people have the blessing of finding things that are right, good, and true and never going away from them. I love it!
In my era, flying sandals got things done quick without soooo much psychology and goodie sweet jargon! If psychology is so good, why are our prisons today so full of people? 🤦🏻♂️
Ahh... la chancla! 😊...😅
Yeah, i agree. I dont have time to study all this out
maybe because we taught those ppl that violence trumps than caring.
Some parents, like me have tried this with strong willed children, yet they are still defiant. Evern more so when I start spanking again. It doesn't work for some children
Highly doubtful that the majority of people in prison came from a result of gentle, authoritative parenting. No that is a result of one or more of: lower socioeconomic status, physical and or mental abuse, addictions, lack of supportive family structure, etc.
Do you have books geared to a 9 year old
My daughter says she cant concentrate on studies..since 2019 is happening..before that she is good in studies..she says she dont like to study..she play games on phone.all time.. if I snatch phone or do strict action it can be more problematic..what to do.we r not that well settled that we can fulfill her wish but she dont understand what to do..
You need to teach her how to follow instructions and keep your roles in the right places. My parenting course would really help. teachingselfgovernment.com/store/
What if the teenager does not follow any of the rule of three ? What if they run away outside ? What if nothing works in all of this ?
Some people try to solve their problems by running when they get to back brain, or when they are power struggling. But, there is a way to pre-teach the child that encourages them to stay for the calmness exercise more often. And, even if they run, the teaching after they are calmed down is the most important part.
Can anyone tell me where to find her resources for 3 and under?
Sorry for the super late response! I don't have too many specific resources for ages 3 and under, because the skills and principles can be applied to children that age in pretty much the same way that they can be applied to older children. However, I do have some videos for toddlers and such that I'll share with you:
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I hope these help!
I am strong willed and I do not attempt to manipulate people. To me, that seems like a pretty generalised (and dark) statement to make.
Refuse school ?
I feel like going crazy with my child..
Hang in there. Start working on calmness and self-government skills for you and for them.
How to Calm Down a Temper Tantrum - czcams.com/video/Q7xtdQ0ikdc/video.html
How to get my 7 yr old how to stop talking back to both parents
One of the biggest things is to lower your tolerances and be consistent with corrections.
I have a strong willed 4 year old daughter who thinks she owns the world
There are lots of people in situations similar to yours. There's hope! You've got this!
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
This doesnt seem applicable for a 4yr old...🤔
Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth (Romans 10:4 KJV) but in the old testament law you can see how God deals with a "strong-willed" child. (By the way that word is NEVER in scripture. There is no such thing as a "strong-willed person". They are stubborn and rebellious and if the person does not submit their will to the LORD's will they will suffer in eternity for it. I Peter 5:5 KJV Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.)
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 KJV ¶ If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: 19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; 20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. 21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
Our answer to our children should never be, "because I said so" but is should be because the LORD God commands it!
Ephesians 6:2 KJV Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with these scriptures!
@@TeachingSelfGovernment You're welcome. I have been thinking and meditating on this since last night. I was wondering what you mean by strong willed. The scripture doesn't mention being strong willed because we are supposed to submit our will to the Lord's will (James 4:7 KJV).
Being strong in your own self will is described in scripture as being disobedient (see verse below), proud, stubborn, and rebellious. Yet when we submit our will unto the Lord's that is when we are courageous, strong, and overcomers of the world through Jesus.
I John 4:4 KJV Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.
Ephesians 2:1-2 KJV AND you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins; 2 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: