Green Beret/Deputy Sheriff speaks on the effects of PTSD
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- čas přidán 27. 08. 2024
- After spending 13 years in the Army (10 in Special Forces), I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I spent the past 11 years rebuilding myself into a better person.
#ptsd #trauma #specialforces #greenberet #depression #selfcare #selfdevelopment #selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfmotivation #selfconfidence
I realize that I was suffering from PTSD the first Fourth of July post deployment.
I had been home since 10 May 06. The afternoon seemed to go really well until the sun started to set and that’s when all hell began. The fireworks and the loud cannon explosions the sound of small arms fire.
My mind was racing and it felt like a was in an ambush. I didn’t want to bring attention to myself and show a sign of weakness so I
started drinking beer after beer. A family friend who was a Vietnam veteran noticed right away that something was wrong.
He got my attention and we went to his house and hung out in the basement watching old movies. The following Monday I got some help. Unfortunately I was scheduled for another deployment in nine months. My battalion was going back to Ramadi. After returning to Iraq I noticed a different vibe in my battalion. Nobody was excited and tension was in the air. Everyone seemed to be moody. With an exception of the first timers in a combat zone. Fighting was breaking out between our troops in the FOB. Foul language was the only words used. It was a melting pot of anger and frustration. I couldn’t see myself living in those conditions for 12 months. Three months into my deployment I was shot in the leg and the bullet hit my femoral artery.
I had to have emergency surgery and returned home once I was stable. After my recovery I was sent back to Iraq for a third deployment. But this deployment was in tikrit and I was in supply. Never fired my weapon again. In a combat situation anyway. And I was on a six month deployment with an Army reserve unit out of Kentucky. There were Army national guard units there and I was bored but not in any danger. Came back home and got some treatment for my PTSD and plenty of pills that I never took. I joined a yoga class and went to counseling. I’m doing so much better now and looking forward to the Fourth of July.
You take good care of yourself and your loved ones. You were called to be a soldier and a protector of our freedom! Be of sound mind and be strong physically, psychologically, emotionally, and mentally! Thank you for your service! God bless!
First off, thank you for your service. Second, I’m glad you’re better and sought treatment. I know that Ramadi was a hot zone so I know you’ve been put through the ringer. I had some buddies that got hooked on the pills after they were shot and that shit can easily ruin your life. I’ve also seen soldiers start to act out with back to back deployments. We did 1 year each deployment, with 5 months in between. Takes a toll for sure. Stay strong and know that you’re never alone
Former captain here. Yours is a powerful story. I waited nearly twenty years before I found help. Glad you got it sooner. You are never alone.
Keep talking about this stuff man. I'm still in training but dealing with past trauma that I don't even want to accept as trauma. Shit takes a toll on my social life, my trust and mood with people i care about.
I stay away from alcohol, shitty food, or nicotine, trying to quit caffeine as well.
same! trying to quit weed myself, already stopped caff
Bruh, that’s awesome to hear that you were able to quit all those things. Our past traumas will always be there but it’s on us how much they will continue to impact our lives. Staying clean makes it so much easier. Stay strong!
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rb still clean from weed since the last comment 🫡👌💪
Been there with alcohol before, just running from things ya know. Glad to say I almost never drink anymore and I do feel alot better. I think it's really awesome you're sharing this stuff man. Keep it up. You're probably helping alot of people through this channel.
Hello there officer and thank you for your service that’s a great video I’m a former green beret served my own country Greece Hellenic special forces amphibian unit I do suffer from ptsd the biggest problem for me is loud noises and crowded areas especially if someone yelling in my face or if someone threatening me I’m doing my best to hold on god bless you and your family stay safe
USMC 68-71 VMO-6 MAG 36 Quan Tri - and a retired detective - Quit drinking eight years ago. This was after drinking for fifty years with the last thirty-five years drinking excessively every day. For some reason, I never showed symptoms of PTSD. It wasn't until I was in my early/ mid sixties and in early sobriety PTSD started to negatively effect my life. The typical bad dreams, night sweats and anxiety. I eventually saw a VA Psychologicaligist once a week for a year which definitely helped. I learned that by talking about adversity it won't necessarily solve it, but it definitely makes it easier to cope with.
Love hearing this and glad you sought help and that it helped. I’ve learned that alcohol suppresses most of the issues and the issues are going to come out, one way or another. Might as well be on our terms and that’s talking it through.
You got this brother. Amazing work so far, it takes a lot to get to that point of self realization.
Thanks, brother! I appreciate it and all the hard work is worth it as I’m finally starting to see positive results
Feeling so proud right now❤️🙌🏼
I left law enforcement after 17 years. I miss it, but the very issues you speak of, I experienced too. I was diagnosed with PTSD and got help. The job didn't care one bit. Since I left, I deal with depression and a longing to go back to it. I know I would be going back to those issues. Thanks for speaking up on this.
It wasn’t too long ago that I was speaking to another deputy that said the same stuff. He’s been in for about 23 years, left at one point, then came back. We’ll always be chasing the best days on the job but probably rarely see them again. Maybe it’s time to find a new passion? Glad to hear you got help. Not enough people do.
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rb I became a pastor and I also work with others with mental health in crisis. I’ve become ok with the fact that it’s over for me. Just when I think I miss it, I turn on the news and I’m like, nope lol
New to the channel. Happy I found it. You’ve got this brother. As a veteran too, I understand the substance dependence. Alongside the PTSD. We all have this goal to get better, and we will. Keep up the good work. One day at a time. Semper Fi!
Glad you found and liked the channel, brother. Thank you for the support and I hope the best for you. Marines were always the best to have on your side during a gunfight haha. De Oppresso Liber
It's very exciting to see law enforcement with your level of emotional intelligence. Gives me a lot of hope for our society
Thank you and there’s many more that think this way. I’m just voicing it.
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rb very true. We need more like you voicing it.
Thank you for the video man 🤙
Glad you liked it.
Good for you man! Proud of you and can relate. I too gave up the booze crutch and emdr (along with traditional therapy) changed my life. Careful with the stigma and work, they’ll try to burry you if you’re involved with a critical incident.
EMDR Therapy is great. It is a lot, and emotional, you have to be ready to grab that bull by the horns for sure. It is life-changing. I am glad you did it, you are courageous.
@@chloethein
Thank you. All the credit goes to my therapist- doc/friend and better 3/4 who’s also a therapist (forensic psychologist). It’s been a lot mentally but healing my body too, definitely a marathon. 🙏
@2K9s I’ve heard a little about EMDR, very interesting stuff. Thanks for the feedback. And yes, everyone at work trusts me and my decisions, which is why I feel comfortable about speaking on these subjects. Biggest reason why I’m talking about this stuff is because not enough people are and I’ve been able to heal along the way. I just hope others see the benefits to all this.
Beautifull. Thank you for this video
Thank you for supporting!
Carpenter from Kentucky here, I am finally a number of years clean off of a 20+ year opiate addiction. What you say transcends the substance and can help anyone struggling with anything trying to kill them slowly… just thank you for having the bravery to put yourself out there and show so many others that they are not alone… helping others has been the greatest source of recovery I have found…
Thank you, brother! I’m glad you liked the video and I’m happy that you were able to kick the addiction. It takes an incredibly strong person to do so. Be proud of that! I to gain so much strength and happiness helping others what I’ve gone through and healed from. Keep up the good work.
God bless you, sir. I'll have 3 years clean off of hard drugs next month. I also quit weed in September of last year. Last time I drank was a small glass of beer (not even a pint) that sushi chef poured for me for free back in October. Before that, last time I had a drink was in August.
After spending most of my life on drugs, being sober is like a new kind of high. I enjoy it a lot more. It helps that I'm dating a beautiful and awesome woman too.
Thank so awesome, brother. I love hearing these kinds of stories as I’m sure they’re very helpful to others. To up the hard work and it’ll continue to pay off
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rb Thanks, brother!
PTSD ain’t a weakness, yes you can carry a gun and still have ptsd.
Also, with sharpening skills of what happened to you and your comrades in martial or civil service you can be a sharp witted and wise person to stay sharp and ready, also depending on where you live and where ya plan on going, I believe that every respectable and responsible should carry a means of protection, for self and others in the face of evil
💯 truth! Just because you have a diagnosis doesn’t mean it’s crippling. You have to work hard and apply skills to overcome them but it will make you a stronger person. Thank you for the comment
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rbthankyou for your Military and Civil service.
Well said. Talking about your demons helps. As a EMT/911 dispatcher, i saw alot of stuff happen in front of me. If you cant talk to others writing it in a journal helped me.
Totally, one of the worst experiences I have ever had was with intrusive thoughts about violence. To clarify, I did not WANT to do violence like zero urge whatsoever, but I frequently found myself aware of how easily I could harm someone - it was driving me crazy because I felt like I couldn't tell anyone. When I finally did talk about it, with tears in my eyes, my mom told me "it's okay, don't worry" and after that those thoughts never troubled me again. Talking about the thing I didn't want to talk about was the cure.
@flpete yes, EMTs see so much, and dispatchers put up with so much more than people think. Thank you for your service. Demons are going to come out, one way or another. Might as well be taking it through than the other ways.
@ohokcool let me tell you, you’re not alone. So many people struggle with intrusive thoughts but the worst thing to do is ignore and suppress them. Talking about it ALWAYS helps. I recommend finding a therapist and starting there. There’s a stigma that seeing a therapist means you’re weak but that’s not true. They can see things from an objective view. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rb Appreciate it Josh. I remember taking time for myself after i left EMT stuff. It helped me the shit i saw, makes sense. Have a good one
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rb don’t worry, I’m much better now, it was a long time ago when I was younger but I appreciate the kind gesture friend, hope your comment will help others going through the same thing
Thank you for this video, Josh. I started suffering from panic attacks after witnessing a suicide and didn't know what was wrong with me. Therapy helped me recognize that I had PTSD and was a key part of my healing process. Now, I am about to graduate college and hope to pursue a career as an LEO so I can help others.
Congratulations on your Sobriety being sober, Youve missed a life of sickness and disease. My dad died too young at 58 from alcoholism. Thank you for your service. Much respect from Ohio.
Thank you and I’m sorry to hear that. It, too, has been a problem in my family, much like many others. It’s definitely a sickness and disease that has plagued so many families. Thanks for the support!
I am always interested to hear about combat veterans experiences. I am glad you found something that worked. Although, I hope you would address the physical responses your body has had to combat. Trauma effects the endocrine system, and unless you do things to reset that (diet, supplements, and some other holistic treatments) the fight or flight response will always be there.
It is difficult to intellectualize an emotional wound. I have always had a hard time understanding why men have such difficulty talking about their emotions or even articulating them. I know so many of you guys are more type A personalities. I remember listening to Tom Spooners interview once about his experiences coming home from so many deployments over seas while he was in the special forces. He said, “I don’t feel anything.” He described it as almost like being bi-polar. He was either on top of the world or down in the dumps, there was no in-between. I think as civilians, we could do a better job at empathizing with our nations warriors. I never was a partier so I have never seen the appeal of alcohol, drugs, and meaningless relationships. I suppose I always was an old woman in a young woman’s body😊. But I have never seen combat, I can see how a lot of y’all might use it as a coping mechanism.
czcams.com/video/fNH8lgBSO18/video.htmlsi=s2_uexDacReUeBkS
Josh, have you ever heard of this organization?
Thank you, sir for sharing your experiences and wisdom in this subject!
Absolutely! Thank you for supporting this channel.
I enlisted into the army 11b I ship January 23rd I want to be a ranger I do know it's hard mentally and physically and hearing you speak I still want to do it but it is an eye opener on what I could experience when I get out or while I'm in
Don’t let it stop you. I only want to bring awareness to the mental health aspect of all this. That way, if someone were to ever question what’s going on mentally they’d have a better understanding.
I moved out at 17 and my family abandoned me at like 20 or 21 for marrying another man (I forget now) and by 22 I was drinking a bottle of whiskey and some beers every day. Somehow he tolerated me (probably because he was also an alcoholic) and over the past almost decade I went from a bottle every day to 2x a week. There was a lot of failures on that road and I still fail sometimes but the key was making sure I did better every month even if it was just 1 shot less every month. Even if I messed up and got hammered when I wasn't supposed to for a week straight, as long as I went back to trying to slowly reduce my intake it gradually worked over time. The key is never giving up and not beating yourself up over failures to the point you hate yourself even more and it causes you to drink again.
Thank you for sharing your story as I’m sure it could help someone else going through the struggles of quitting alcohol. I’m sorry to hear there was so much pain but that shit only makes us stronger and wiser. Keep your head up and don’t be afraid to lean on people for support.
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rb Thanks man. I only shared it because everyone else was doing it and I found it helpful. Just paying it forward.
Hey brother, I've been out of the big army for about two years, did a deployment to Syria/Iraq as a 11b, thanks for putting this out. I am also struggling with adapting, currently, as well as learning how to talk to others about what's going on up top. I am trying to get into LE myself. I am glad to see that you've been successful in your endeavors and learning to deal with this shit. Thanks for putting this out.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. Feel free to reach out if you need anything. My email is joshuabarker111185@gmail.com. From one veteran to another, I love helping with this shit. Stay strong, brother.
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rb thanks brother, that’s much appreciated
Keep in the FIGHT Sir, its folks like you willing to speak out about PTS is what will get the word out, regardless of those that dont want to hear it. I am a "politically"
retired Chief of Police and know what happens first hand when you are willing to go first and will never regret that choice. Stay in the fight, dont let the naysayers get you down and stay on the path of healing for you, your family and your veteran and blue families.
Thank you and thank you for your service! I appreciate the support and I agree, not enough people are talking about these issues.
@jamestaylor5341 Actually, no
Hit home with that one! God Bless you brother. HOOAH
Thank you, brother and glad it helped.
We are considered quite professionals. We compartmentalize stuff because there is no one to do it. I have been dealing with it for decades. Who's going to serve on the tactical teams or swat. There isn't a large pool of folks to pull from. I've flown commercial airlines and have had no issues. It's sad that folks would seek to violate or take away from us folks that served to preserve your rights. First in Asia!
Yes, quiet professionals. Compartmentalizing is good when on deployments and need to complete the missions but we need to learn to open up once we get home, otherwise issues will fester. 1st grouper, huh?! What Bn?
PTSD is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with bro. It's been 17 years since my first deployment and it still sucks ass. Honestly, meeting my wife and having children is what kept me alive and convinced me to start dealing with it years ago but it's one of those things that will never go away. It's learning how to deal with it and not allow it to deal with me. I still fail, I still get angry easily but it's a hell of a lot easier to turn it off now. It's the worst for me when I am alone, not like in my vehicle and shit but if my family goes out of town for a few days and I have to stay and work. After a day or so of being stuck with my own thoughts it starts to take a toll on me. The anxiety that comes with it makes it exponentially harder to deal with but hey, We're still here and we owe it to our brothers we lost overseas and the ones that lost the battle after returning home to live our lives the best we can and to not fail and NEVER give up.
Love this comment. Glad to hear you found something to hold on to and to give you strength. Yes, the best way we can honor those we lost is to live the best life possible. By you having a loving family is definitely doing just that. And yes, our traumas will never go away, our triggers may never go away but they can get better with time. Thanks brother
They call it ...sucking it up!!
Sometimes it's also words people say or don't say...
True story but we also need to know when to take a break.
I know this might sound like a stretch, but a carnivore diet has worked really well for others in alleviating PTSD/anxiety/depression. Worth looking up peoples' anecdotes on the internet, at least- you'll easily find some amazing stories. Just trying to help and thank you for your service. Wish you the best.
I’ve been reading up on the lately. Very interesting stuff. Thank you
Thank you for making this video…
Absolutely! Glad you liked it.
You should reach out to Shawn Ryan. You'd get a much bigger platform to explain your own personal experience
Amen
Great advice
❤️🩹🫡🇺🇸🙏🏼
Recently saw his content. Great stuff!
Keep up the good health!
Thank you
Very good i have ptsd also service connected from the va i gave up all alcohal i also fell great. I went full on to Jesus Christ so i never want to go back to the drinking it really is drug . i understand it multimillion or billion dollar industry I always remember every alcolic started with that first drink so true God bless i hope your life gets better and better i think you are on the right path
Thank you for your service. Yes, alcohol is absolutely a drug and causes nothing but pain, especially when abused. I’m glad you found Jesus. He can give you so much strength, even in the toughest of times. Stay on the path, brother!
Fear of open spaces is called Agoraphobia, usually happens after panic attacks. Took me about 3 yrs to get over it.
Thank you for your response. Most days I'm good, but every once in a while, it creeps up on me.
Lord all mighty ❤
Thank you for your service! If you don’t mind me asking what group?
Thank you and 1st group/ Ft. Lewis, WA
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rbthank you for answering my question!
I have been in several car accidents and have been unarmed during two breaking and entering its a scary thing to have no control and its even scarier when your memories manifest into nightmares its like a personal slice of hell just for you that no one else will understand. I have always minimized my trauma, always compared myself to operators and cops because they make up about 80% of trauma victims. Always told myself “aww no i dont need therepy” or “ im fine just shake it off and try not to think about it” thats easily the worst thing ive ever heard as far as advice goes. Its a strange thing to know more dead folks than live ones makes a man feel like a walking graveyard
Sorry to hear you’ve gone through all that. What I’ve learned is that everyone’s traumas are different and suppressing them only makes them worse. Therapy was something I had to go through to heal.
Here's a different reason... Wine with meal, is about cleansing one's palate.
Not wrong
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rb ...blinking is similar ...to the concept
The Lord just gave me victory over my worst memory.
The memory popped up last week, so I prayed for the people who made the sheets, mattress, radio, transistors, the people who mined the minerals, sheetrock, roof, paint, lumber, nails, engineers, architects, concrete workers, et al.
Every single thing in that memory that was made by people, or people had anything to do with, I prayed for them, that Je'sus Christ would break every work of darkness in their hearts and their families, Amen.
It felt as though talons were extracted from my head.
Happend 8 days ago.
Now I'm free from the memory.
I Thank you and I am extremely proud of you. Jesus died for you so that you don't have to die in your sin. Trust in Him my brother when your mind won't let you rest. I have the same diagnosis as you. My relationship with Christ has healed my life and continues to daily. It's work.
Thank you for your response. True words that I’m often needed to be reminded of. We could all use a better relationship with Him. I wish you luck on your journey of being healed.
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rb ❤❤❤❤
Congrats on your battle with alcohol.
6 years sober for me, now. Keep real chocolate 70-80% (without chocolate liquor) and some Tupelo honey with you.
Saying I was alcoholic didn't work. I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and then the Lord gave me the victory.
Revelation 1:18 (KJV) I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.
Je'sus Christ
Thank you for your support and for sharing your story and congrats to your battle on alcohol. It’s not easy but it’s worth it.
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rb Much respect to you, and blessings in Christ, Amen.
any dude with ptsd should not be a cop i thought they have to pass psyc exams?
The type of leo exams are personality assessments and general disposition, not a modulation.
What about cops that develop PTSD over time on the job? That would pretty much mean majority of them.
Anyone who has PTSD and carries a firearm is a huge liability. To many mistakes can happen I would not want you around me period. You cannot be emotionally weak and react to a threat you need a clear head. People get killed. Personally I think everyone should carry because you have no idea how fast your life can change just going about your day and people are unpredictable and you have no idea who you are going to cross paths with. That’s just me
Calling PTSD emotional weakness is wild
It’s is emotional weakness because as men you are expected to have the upper hand. Only women can’t control their emotions
Ohhh Macdaddy, how you contradict yourself. Do you have any idea how many people have PTSD? So to say that everyone should carry sounds a little reckless based on your beliefs. I know plenty of people that have PTSD and are perfectly fine to carry a firearm. Just sayin.
Sorry, no one suffering from PTSD should be carrying a gun. One little thing could trigger PTSD and someone could be killed. Nothing personal but you should not be a cop. And THANK-YOU for your service.
I appreciate your comment and watching the video. I actually just recently made a video about this. check it out and let me know what you think. I actually am doing this because I've come a long way with my PTSD and I'm wanting to help others with similar issues. That there is a way out from all the pain. But one more thing I'd like to add to my response is that if we took away all the guns from anyone that has PTSD, that would leave almost all veterans, first responders, and law enforcement officers without guns and an unprotected society. If you've spent any amount of time in this line of work, you'll almost undoubtedly have PTSD. There's no way around that. But... people with PTSD can get better, and that's where my focus is at.
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rbvery respectful answer Sir🫡
Suppressing
@@JoshuaBarker-uf4rbthank you for speaking on this, officer Barker. Too many people want to deal with this by not dealing with it and just letting it destroy them and those around them. To have SF guys being open about these issues and encouraging others to speak up is a godsend. Thank you.
Sorry your entitled to your own opinion. And sorry guns don't hurt people. Remember guns don't rack their own slides and pull their own triggers.
Thats simply not how ptsd works. I understand your ignorance because because i didn't understand ptsd until i was diagnosed with. I have guns and would never use it on another person or animal unless my life is in immediate danger and i simply have no choice but to use it. I have panic attacks and nightmares and usually freeze in high strees situations. I would strongly encourage you to educate yourself respectfully.
And you became a cop, man you need new profession,
Nope. Here to protect and serve.