Where Life Meets Death: Dying at Home Under Hospice Care
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- čas přidán 29. 05. 2018
- Kari Northey, a funeral director, had a heart warm conversation with a local hospice nurse. Donna answers many questions about entering hospice, hospice care, and the heart of a nurse!
Hospice is a wonderful thing. They saw both of my parents to the end of their lives. Hats off to all those people working in Hospice.
I think Nurses are God sent. My mom has been a nurse over 40+ years. Worked with the elderly,the sick,the dying and right now at the age of 69 she works in a special needs school for children as a school nurse. God plays a big part of hospice. Faith and Spirituality also goes along with hospice. As does it go with Nursing in general. Thank you Kari for having this interview people that are terminally Ill need to know there not alone. And what comfort is available to them.
Destiny Equality swws.
I was a hospice nurse for 15 years then started my own home care so my clients could pass at home. Most rewarding job ever. Its such an honor to help people pass over with dignity and being able to meet all their wants needs and desires.
marla parslow I am sure the families you care for are incredibly blessed by you!!
My Nana had hospice care for ten weeks from the time she was diagnosed to the time she passed. Her nurse was fabulous and my nana absolutely adored her. After she died we had private family time at the funeral home before they closed the casket for the public. We brought her nurse, Megan back with us so she could see my Nana because we knew it would be important for both my Nana and Megan. I honestly don’t know how we would have gotten through that ten weeks without Megan, and without hospice. God bless each and every hospice worker, because I couldn’t imagine doing what they do
My deepest sympathies on the passing of your Nana.
This is so ironic, as my wife went on hospice literally a brief time after this video was made, and she passed in July 2018. I testify to you that hospice services are great! They were a godsend; and what a help to me and my daughter, and daughter in law who stayed with us toward the end to help. I am ever thankful and grateful for the help that we received in the most difficult days of our lives. A hospice nurse was there trying to help my wife when she did pass.
Thank you for sharing!
My grandmother died at home on hospice care and it was a beautiful experience. My mom is a RN and lived with my grandmother, but wasn't able to provide all of the care my grandmother needed. One night around 10, we heard my grandmother breathing very strangely. It sounded very fish out of water and terrified me. My mom and I decided to call our on call hospice nurse to ask for help like suction or something. A nurse we had never met before brought over a suction machine and showed us how to use it. We suctioned her and it helped a little. As the nurse was leaving she took my mother and I aside and told us to be prepared because this was likely the beginning of the end. After the nurse left, my mother and I couldn't believe what the nurse had said to us! We interpreted it as cold considering neither of us truly believed that my grandmother was going to actually die. She was such a strong woman and had bounced back after so many close calls. She died within two hours of our hospice nurse telling us that. Our nurse wasn't being indifferent, or uncaring at all....she was actually being the exact opposite! She saw what my mother and I were too blinded by grief to see. She tried to help and prepare us, but sadly, nothing really can.
Alison Self unfortunately, when my husband was gurgling, I called the hospice nurse to ask about suctioning, she said they didn’t come out for that, and my son and I were busy wiping the fluid with paper towels and tissues. Our neighbor, an RN, came to our house and turned my husbands head to the side that helped a little, but it was only a few minutes more and his spirit left his body. We weren’t told that this would happen or what we could do. Apparently it doesn’t cause the patient any discomfort but for the family it was most disconcerting.
My Mom just began hospice for ESRD. She is able to be comfortable in her assisted living facility. My Dad can be with her and the care between hospice and senior living has been great. Having medication ready in a moment is a Godsend. I am first time hospice user for a loved one. Calvary in NY is wonderful. Appreciation to hospice nurse Kelly. Thank you
Hospice nurses are a blessing❤️
Kari, I am a hospice aide/certified nursing assistant. I agree with what Donna spoke about. Hospice does not mean that someone is going to die soon, it means that we will make the journey towards death more comfortable. I have only been doing hospice work for 8 months now, but I really enjoy it. I enjoy getting to know my patients and they get to know me. I have patients that cannot do anything and are closer to death than others. Other patients can still walk, talk, do most for themselves. I have never been more comfortable with my job than working with hospice. My coworkers and I have a tight knit bond and are there to help each other with anything including personal issues. But I also can't wait to be a funeral director and embalmer and see the other side of death.
God bless the medical community, including hospice, when my sister spent her last 3 years of life, at The assisted living facility, The Residence, in DarienCT. She suffered with Lewy Body Dementia, for 7 years. She passed away peacefully in her sleep on Jan 27th, 2021. God bless the medical staff, including care givers and hospice. I salute u all!
Thank you for sharing!
Wonderful video. I am a hospice volunteer and I can say hospice is a wonderful thing.
Thank you Kari.
Nice video Kari. And, it is comforting knowing there are people out there who will help you and your loved one during this time. I think of it as an, "invisible blanket." There is both comfort and security.
My parents and my husband were all in Hospice care. They were magnificent! My husband’s hospice nurse was extraordinary in that she was my “counselor” of sorts and helped me with the grieving process and was available to talk after he passed away. She was likely a much bigger help for me than for him, though he absolutely adored her. The entire staff of both of the Hospice institutions were wonderful. I would ALWAYS recommend that someone take advantage of Hospice care when it becomes necessary, and I also recommend that they sign on as soon as a doctor recommends it. It is a huge relief for the family in that they help with decisions, keep them informed of what is happening with their loved one, and provide for them in multiple ways. Both Hospice units even offered assistance with housekeeping though I didn’t take them up on it when my husband was in Hospice care just because my adult children helped in that way. I also believe that because Hospice care helps with quality of life, it very possibly extends life because of that care.
Thank you so much for sharing something so personal. I'm happy that you've always found Hospice to be helpful. Appreciate you watching.
My loving husband of 36 years passed away at home with hospice. I really appreciated all that they done.
Seven of my family members had hospice, six were dying of cancer. Where my parents are from, there is a hospice house that two of my grandparents were at. My mom toured it after my grandma passed, and she said it was lovely. My uncle was also at one near Grand Rapids. The facilities are definitely a godsend when a family just cannot manage home care anymore, but do not feel that hospital care is appropriate for a dying loved one. I think all of their experiences were very positive, and it did help the caregivers immensely.
Kari Northey Faith Hospice at Trillium Woods. I actually had no idea, living 10 hours away, but luckily it was included in his obituary.
Dad was in hospice care for three days and passed on the forth. It was quick, I’m grateful he didn’t suffer long and know he’s in a better place.
My mom passed while in hospice. She had advanced Alzheimers.. Her first hospice company kept constantly dropping her from their care because "she wasn't declining." Once the nurse, who I liked and trusted, dropped my mom from care and neglected to tell me. She said she forgot to notify me. I was livid. After my mom was dropped for the 4th time from this particular hospice, after me having been told she "just wasn't declining enough to keep her on," she received another hospice company, recommended by her care facility, who was with her about 6 weeks until my mom passed. I understand Medicare dictates hospice care and does determine if someone is declining, it really didn't leave me with a very positive experience.
Thanks for this hospice message, the care and comfort they provide not only for the patient but the family also.
My mother had Hospice angels. I did volunteer work for a while. Such a blessing.
They do great work!
Hospice nurses are angels! Something one of my mom's nurses at the hospice center mom was in said something I find so beautiful. Right after mom took her last breath, the nurse said while giving me a hug, the second a person dies an angel is born. I will never forget that..
Kari Northey sure is
Blessed are the families that are fortunate enough to find themselves
with caregivers as loving, compassionate and spiritually aware as these
two incredible woman. I thank Abba for those that serve the end of life
needs of so many. "You will receive in the spirit what you have done for
others in this life." I see many Crowns for Kari and this lady and others
like them in the Heavenly Kingdom! Abba bless them and keep them...
When our loved ones pass over, it's always good to know
that they are being treated with dignity and respect. Your
caring heart is appreciated. Blessings to you & yours...
My son was 6 years old when my husband died and hospice did so much to care for us after my husband died. It was amazing, especially being a hospice nurse myself. It's much different when it's you and your family going through it. They didn't hold back anything because I was an RN. Wonderful and I would recommend it to anyone for end of life care.
Thank you for sharing this!
Nurses are so kind and considerate very interesting interview Thank you Kari
What a wonderful opportunity to be able to comfort someone who is in that situation, especially being able to pray with them. God bless the Hospice nurses. They really do carry out a special duty in the lives of the sick and dying.
Great Segment, I've had to utilize Hospice a few times, They have always been a Blessing to all involved!
What a beautiful person she seems to be. How wonderful that she can help people in their final journeys to ease their suffering and make it positive. Very heartwarming x
Kari, I just love your videos and thank you so much for taking the time to educate all of us!!!
Such an amazing, thorough description of hospice care. As someone who has gone through it as a hospice family member and as a hospice caregiver for my job... Thank you for this video!!! Awareness of what hospice is really about is so important because too many people go through unnecessary suffering because they are scared of hospice. So sad..
My husband spent his last 5 days in a hospice facility. I really did not know what to expect and it's a big shock going there from the hustle and bustle of a hospital. He was so well taken care of...meds for pain, anxiety and fever...and the personal care was top notch. They always had him spiffed up which I loved. The Hospice nurses are one of a kind. One nurse came in late 1 night, read from the bible and sang a hymn. It was so special, so much so that we asked her to sing at the Memorial Service.
Thank you for this video. It made me feel much more at ease with my Father's passing.
Hospice took care of both my paternal grand parents and my aunt Sandy . They are amazing my grandma drowned on her own fluids and we all were there and the nurse was sucking fluid from my grandma with a machine and she cried when my grandma died . My grandma did not feel pain and they were amazing !!
My grandma had this for her death wish. The Hospice was wonderful to my family. They never sugar coated nothing, which I needed to hear. Ty for your service.
Love this video, great info for the family and patient.
My one experience with hospice was overall a really wonderful experience. There was one snafu that was really just a misunderstanding that was quickly resolved. It was when my grandmother died. This was not a blood relation, but her daughter and I are best friends and we are just family. So, we knew my grandmother was actively dying and did not want to leave her. She was at that point comatose. My friend ‘s husband had to leave for a short time and the nurse came while he was gone, but I was there with Kay. Even though we had made the nurse completely aware that there was nothing that couldn’t be said in the presence of my grandmother, she refused to discuss her care with us in the room. So we walked out into the hall. The nurse could have explained the pain medication in a little better way, but told us that it could prolong the dying process. We most certainly did not want that to happen. Now, I’m the type of person that , we’ll, I don’t have an issue being assertive when I need to be. We all just were not communicating well at that point. The nurse was talking about keeping my grandmother comfortable and that’s why she needed Morphine but it could make things take longer. In trying to explain we did not want that I finally asked the nurse if she was wanting my grandmother to feel more comfortable or if it was to make her feel more comfortable. And that was indeed what the situation was. At that point that entire relationship changed and was really great after that. The entire process, which was really very short , was less than 24 hours. For us it felt like an eternity obviously. But, before the hospice nurses got there, I walked outside because I was overwhelmed and crying. Not because she was dying. Just the whole situation is difficult. But a sweet lady walked up to me and place her arm across my shoulders and asked if she could do anything to help. (This wasn’t the nurse I was speaking of earlier.) I explained that my grandmother was dying and I was just overwhelmed. She asked me her name because she wanted to pray for her and our family. When I told her, she looked at me and told me that my grandmother was who she was there to see. She was her hospice nurse. I knew at that very moment God was very much in charge of the situation. We walked back in together and shared what had just happened with everyone else and it cemented the relationship at that time as wonderful, though very brief. I love hospice. I’m also a very big supporter of the right to die or death with dignity way. So hospice is a wonderful alternative out there. Most certainly in the absence of any laws that recognize an individual’s right to die with dignity.
Morphine does not prolong the process. Would you prefer your relative die in pain? You have no idea, nor does anyone else if they are feeling pain. Morphine isn't given just for pain either. It helps their breathing when their breathing becomes labored. If anything, Morphine relaxes them and makes their exit easier. In 28 years of hospice nursing, never have I told a family that it prolongs their life. On a number of occasions I have been able to call a family in prior to the next dose because I was sure it would be the last, and 9 times out of 10 it was. I don't even want to imagine what it feels like to be in such pain and hunger for air at the end of life, but if I can make them comfortable and it happens to prolongs things, which it won't, so be it.
@@irisheyesofbelfast I agree with you. I would rather for my relative or whomever to be extremely comfortable vs being in excruciating pain. Rather that prolong their life then so be it. It's ridiculous for me to think about someone I love to suffer because of what someone else thinks will prolong their life. Being comfortable will forever be my stance.
Hi Kari! I have some info on perinatal hospice, I was first a patient who couldn’t find support and then found a way to provide structured support for others going through the same journey. There are a few well established perinatal hospices around the country but it’s still a pretty new concept.
Thank you for all of your wonderful videos and the support you provide for so many of us out here watching!
I think Hospice is fantastic. Whether hospital based or choose to be at home. I did some agency work on Hospice Care. Rewarding.
Incredible video...Very educational.
Im so glad, touched on issues.
I know people that have had bad experiences...Sadly it wasn't Hospice per se but just a bad nurse. Thats bad and hope that its was taken care of. Personally Hospice is incredible and helps the process of a death with dignity and helping educate the family tremendously with the dying and death process...Recommend it totally.
At first I didn't realise that the picture frame there was digital, the first time I noticed the picture change I thought I was losing my mind 😂
Me Too!
My mom had hospice care at home after being given 2 weeks. Diabetes and CHF affecting kidneys where dialysis was not working. She was given 2 weeks and we almost lost her that first weekend but she rallied thru and lived for 7 months. Good care by a loving family and amazing hospice team. I loved and appreciated her team of nurses and CNAs, social worker. Even tho it wasn’t protocol when the time was very near it was the CNA that came to do her bath that her time was imminent of course she was not able to really say anything but in her own way pulled us aside to tell us it could be any time so we were prepared. I am thankful for that. Being a caregiver can be very stressful and I appreciated the team so much plus we had good family support. The care my mom got made me want to volunteer somehow to help patients or their families, plus I understood how much a break was needed for a quick store run or just a breather and good walk outside.
My dad had “palliative” care years later and Idk if it was because I was alone to deal that time or not accepting everything the care was not the same.
I really like what hospice does. Great and educational video interview Kari.I had a family member that stayed at the Hospice Poppon House here in Muskegon and they really took great care of her in her final days. Very nice people there.
Beautiful and touching
Thank you so much for all the help you provide! This is great info!
Debra Maultsby if that's you in the pic you are beautiful!!!!!!☺
Patricia Pritchard, thank you so much! It is me in the picture! Three years out from breast cancer and three years of hair growth! Jesus, gave me some curly hair!
Beautiful video, Kari!
TY for this...great information!
I highly recommend Hospice. They came along side our family when my dad was at the end of his life. My parents lived in s very rural area, so the constant visits and communication with Hospice was invaluable. I believe so much in what they do, and HOW they do it, that I became a volunteer at a Hospice house. Loved every minute of it.
I was blessed to have hospice with my Mom. I truly don't know what I would have done during her last 2mo.
The nurse was so wonderful with Mother and my right hand.
God Bless them all.
My grandmother was on hospice for about a year. She outlasted the term by just over 12 additional months, but my mom and she kept in touch with the chaplain, the social worker and the nurse. When Grandma passed in Feb 2002, they came to the wake and memorial service - also received flowers from the Hospice group.
*Kari Northey* ... I thought so, too. It was great that they were willing to go beyond what is traditionally in their job description.
Hospice is awesome.They took care of my dad in his last days and they were wonderful with him and gave us great support. God bless Hospice😇😇😇😇😇😇😇
Hospice was a blessing for our family after my precious mama had her stroke. She had a nurse who was as wonderful as the lady you interviewed. I will always be grateful that we were able to keep mama at home with round the clock caregivers and hospice. The nurse and her CNA stayed with us until mama passed and got her ready for the funeral home to pick up.
Wonderful to hear
Great interview Kari!
I’m a hospice nurse, it’s my favorite area of nursing. I’m also an atheist so I have a different perspective from most hospice workers.
Oh as someone who is a caregiver to a disabled child the ability to just be a mom and not a care giver would be so amazing. I don’t always feel like her mom because you focus so hard on the care. That really hit home. Good for them for helping
I'm loving this one my wife father was in hospice and the care was great
Hospice is wonderful. Both my mother and my mother-in-law had Hospice and cannot recommend them enough. Both were very positive experiences.
my mother was under hosparus care here in kentucky for about 6 months or so... she passed away 3/21/2018 at age 57..they were fantastic people and still call to check up on us ... they counseled her and the chaplins came in to talk to her weekly.. and i think at the end she had finally accepted that she was not going to get better..thankfully she was medicated and in a peaceful sleep when she passed... i prayed for that ... the people that do this work are amazing people and i am so grateful they took care of her until the day before she passed ... they explained everything to me fully and helped me make the right decision for my mom .. her kidney disease had progressed to the point of needing dialysis however they all agreed that doing the treatment would only prolong the inevitable .. my mother was coherent enough after the meeting to understand and said i had made the right choice for her... i find comfort in knowing she knew i didn't want her to suffer anymore than what she had already... i do enjoy your videos and i've learned so much over the past few months... thank you!
thanks for the reply! yes she was... long story short....she was about 48 in 2009 ...had a brain aneurysm of which her own father had passed from...when they went in to fix it..she had a massive stroke and in a coma for several months... after about a year mentally she was back to her old self but physically no... bound to a wheelchair mostly... over the years she developed kidney problems, bladder problems, CHF and had a heart attack actually her heart stopped and she was revived ..the last year of her life it was discovered she had liver cirrhosis and possibly liver cancer but they didn't want to biopsy because it was too risky with her health decline ... diabetes was a huge part also..but the doctors said it was mostly the renal failure... so that's why she went so young..
Great video & what a lovely woman.
You are so kind
Great video Kari:) those people are angels on earth:) that lady gets it:)
I know I have watched this before, but I don’t know if I commented or not. This is exactly kind of nurse that I would imagine would be the best if I were entering Hospice care. She very much reminds me of my friend’s Mom, who is a retired nurse, though not involved with Hospice.
Hospice nurses are angels. I don't know how they do it.
Caroline Marty I totally agree with you. My mom passed in March and hospice was amazing! Two of the nurses from the hospice center came to mom's memorial service. They truly are angels. Mom had to be in patient at the hospice center because of the horrendous pain she was in. They placed in a drug induced coma which was a blessing. She died on her 8th day there.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Caroline Marty thank you hon
Thank you for sharing Kari. I am so appreciative of your videos, they are informative while showing your sensitivity and respect for those that have passed. One curiosity I have regarding hospice care is where they draw the line between curative and palliative care (hopefully I'm using the right words). I understand the concept, but if a terminal cancer patient develops pneumonia, is the pneumonia treated with medications to cure it or to minimize the effects of it?
I have personally dealt with Hospice twice...once for my wife's mother and once for my mother. My mother-in-law died within 3 days due to complications of a brain biopsy due to a glioblastoma. So, it was a limited interaction, but my wife and her sister thought the care was great (we kept her in the hospital in a private room). My mother had dementia/Alzheimers and died as a complication (Dysphagia). She vomited and aspirated while eating which lead to cardio-pulmonary arrest. I distinctly remember sitting in the waiting room (at the wrong hospital) and seeing the lead hospice nurse come in and she sat with me. When we found out that she went to a different hospital (that my father had not requested), we both drove to the right hospital. She sat with me along with the hospice chaplain until my brother and Dad got there. They were amazingly supporting and helpful when we decided that she was beyond help.
Thanks' this really explains a lot to be!:)
What a compassionate lady! I wish she had been my mom's nurse. The nurse my mom had kept trying to keep us out of the room saying " the cat was telling her Mom was trying to die and we were drawing her back by being in there". Of corse we still never left our moms side and she died even with us in her room . I would have sent her on her way but it was my stepdads call and he was just as bad. The whole week he never came into Mom's room saying they had already said their good byes. However my father in law had a wonder nurse. Thank you she answered a lot of questions.
Very odd. this was said to us at a family meeting with her.My siblings other family members (all except my ex step father ) did all send letters regarding our experience to the Hospice she worked for. I did at that time inform this nurse that God not the cat would determin when my mother took her last breath. And also that I would be staying in the room with my mom as long as I had her. Both her and my mom's husband were not happy with me after that. But I was not going to allow my mom to die in a isolated room alone
Kari, thanks for the reply. Have been very busy at my cousins funeral home. We had six first calls just this week so will be
burning the midnight candle to get things done and out the door. When it rains it pours........................LOL. Hope you and your family are doing well.....................................J
First comment thanks for the upload Kari!!!!!!
I work in a long term care facility...i love hospice
i am a 4 time graduate of hospice care...i can say very proudly! i had care in crossville tennessee in 2001 thru 2003. each time given less than 2 weeks. but i had the best CNA who would come to the house and not do anything! i needed a shower she would tell me to get up and crawl to the shower she wasnt getting paid for that...or i was hungry she would sit in the chair and say to fix her something to...this got to me i fired her but she came back and said IM THE ONLY CNA SO YOU CANT FIRE ME! each time i graduated i said thank god shes gone. but when i went back in she would come to the door and say whelp here we go again...the final time she sat me down and stated the reason she was so hard on me is because she didnt see death in my eyes..i started crying i said it would of saved a lot of stuff if she would of told me that in the start of it all. then she told me to think about it..to this day i still keep in contact with her..and i am now a hospice chaplain! i tell my patients that story and it gives them all chills!!!
Thank you for your work!
My experience with hospice with my Dad was not pleasant. They told my Mom they wanted him on hospice to help them get his meds without a doctor for every prescription. Then once she agreed and the papers were signed, they totally removed all meds from him such as blood pressure, diabetes meds, etc. They then started around the clock Oxydose, which kept him looped out. He would fight them and tell them he didnt want it, especially if he had visitors and they would basically force him to take it. He only lived one day shy of a month after hospice was called in. I feel like he died sooner because of how they handled his care. I still have horrible memories of him trying to refuse the Oxydose.
Kari Thank you so very much for doing this video. I'm hoping we don't need hospice care anytime soon but my mom has Small cell lung cancer and is already seriously weak and fragile. We start Radiation 5days per week and Chemo 3 days a week starting next week. We are not sure how she will be come the 2nd week. This is a something i need to know about.
Please give me an update on Daniel/Victor. Is he still comfortable and here on earth or has he passed on to be with Jesus? Such a Courageous man, I think of him often.
We had 2 experiences with 2 different hospice agencies. The first one (dad's hospice) was good but there were things they could have done different towards the end of his hospice. I really didn't like that they told my aunt my dad was ok, although hospice pretty much told you everything. I would have preferred them saying the truth. My grandpa's hospice was even better. The only negative thing I have about that agency was that the nurse "freaked" out when she went to certify my grandpa died. She called 911! To get the coroner's office number! Really!! We had gotten him into hospice to avoid the whole police, ambulance, fire dept commotion... And we still got it... Figured she had to know that since it was not the first time she worked for these agencies.. I would definitely recommend this service to anyone going through this.. hospice helps out tremendously
Thank you for sharing!
Just speaking from experience but hospice in Monterey Tennessee sucks, I will forever have a bad taste in my mouth for the amount of my pain my sister suffered until the end of her life... 😈😭
I know in the US we have nurses’ week and all, but I think we need at least a hospice nurses’ day. Or even hospice workers’ day or week. Though their role is no more or less important than any other nurse, hospice workers do work in a different way. Maybe that’s something I should start talking to some folks about. See if we could get something like that going.
My mom on Hospice in the home and my dad was on Hospice in nursing home my dad said once Hospice steps in you are pretty bad sometimes you will get better but not always
Thank you
My first experience with hospice was awful. The one that we used for my mom when she got sick was horrible and took her off all her meds because they thought she couldn't swallow, which was wrong. and let her suffer...a few days before she passed the had a seizure (due to lack of her anti seizure meds) and let her siexe for 45 minutes before they even called an ambulance. When my dad's health deteriorated , the nursing home started talking about hospice. My aunt (his sister) and my other aunt(moms sister) did a conference call with me and i told them i do not want what happened to my mom to happen to him. Luckily the hospice that was chosen this time was absolutely amazing. Good Shepherd hospice did an amazing with my dad until the day he passed.
Any update on Victor?
Do you have any opinions on the death with dignity act?
Kari Northey I agree. I believe it’s not my place to say what someone else does under medical supervision and I personally would likely consider it if god forbid I became terminally ill. There is a really beautiful documentary on Netflix called how to die in Oregon. If you haven’t seen it already I highly recommend it. Thanks Kari! Keep up the great content!
My dad had end stage COPD. He was brought in to the hospital by ambulance and admitted fro respiratory failure. He was there for the last month of his life. Had palliative care docs come in his room daily and my mindset was "no, he'll get better and we'll be out of here"(with COPD, you are in and out of the hospital as it progresses). He refused his BIPAP at night when we weren't there and his CO2 levels skyrocketed. Got a call that he was in respiratory failure(I was like, duh. That's why hes there). Had to get some stuff buttoned up at home and headed up there. Walked into the room and he had fought off 6 nurses and was trying to run away. Called hospice that minute and signed the DNR. Hardest thing I've ever had to do. By the time his funeral came, I was physically and emotionally exhausted and numb. That was 3 years ago and it still hasn't left my mind.
Kari Northey yes, absolutely. It was better than the alternative.
Dean Cerny may God give you the peace you need,and the courage to say you did the right thing by your father ✝🌹
50 years ago my Mother was in an acute terminal illness at home and we couldn't care for her. It was a nightmare. Our idiot family physician was no help. Hospice would have been a Godsend. She was finally admitted to the hospital before she died. medicine and hospice have come a long way!
my dad and mom were both on hospice. Both times the nurses and aides were very helpful. People thought I was nuts having hospice for them and told me your going to kill them , I told them no its going to help make the death easy. My moms doctor didnt want her to have hospice and I Knew she was getting close to death and so I asked my doctor to come look at her and he did and told me she would only be around 7 more days cause she wasnt eating anything at that point. My dads doctor I asked him how long does he have and he told me 3 weeks to 3 months but with COPD and CHF his attacks were coming closer . So I asked to get him into hospice and the doctor said not yet and so I asked the social worker to help talk with the doctor cause I knew he was getting sicker and sicker with every attack, with my dad he had 27 runs to the hospital that year and it was almost every other week. My dad had such a pretty nurse and a caring nurse my dad enjoyed seeing her.
I am reviewing this infi. for my best friend who was diagnosed with lung, now widespread cancer about 2 years ago. He did his 20 years in the Army and doesn't want to leave his wife with lots of bills but he is deeply "self sufficient" and I know that even though he's spent his life taking care of people, he has told me secretly that he will shoot himself before asking anybody, especially his family for help. He has routed through the VA and isn't a candidate for treatment. I am trying to tell him that there are other options for him. I will do anything to help him with this. I am the only person who he is talking to directly about this. Is there anything that you (or anyone else) offer me any suggestions? He's so weirded out by being seen as "weak" in anyone's eyes which is crazy. His entire family has tried to approach him about all kinds of things and he does the "hell raiser drill sergeant" shutdown on them. I personally scooped up the brains of my grandfather with my own hands after he was shot in the head and I don't think that my friend wants to leave that kind of mess for his family but I have to have some better options to give him. Thank you in advance for any help you can give me.
Kari Northey, he doesn't want to go through ANY phase. He wouldn't allow his wife or adult children ask the doctorsthe "how long does he have" question. He said that he doesn't want anyone to call 911 if he begins to have trouble breathing or becomes incapacitated. He hasn't been willing to participate in the chemotherapy because the doctor at the VA said it could buy him time but he says that it will just kill him. He hasn't even told his family that the last time he was at VA that he got nasty with his doctor and refused chemotherapy again so his doctor released him from his care. The doctor gave him a phone number to call which he threw away. My friend can't remember if it was palliative care or hospice, he says he can't remember.
Do you think that I should continue to try to get him help or just give up?
Please do your research before you choose a hospice, especially if your loved one can't do hospice at home and has to go into a hospice facility, because I regret not doing it since my husband passed a couple of months ago. He went into the hospital for the last time as he had end stage Congestive Heart Failure. By this time he was on a I.V. that was continuously pumping a medicine into his veins that literally was keeping his blood up, because his heart had become so weakened that it could no longer do it naturally. Anyway hubby while in the hospital went into multiple organ failure and his doctor told us he was going to die and asked us what we wanted to do given this grave news. I wanted him home of course, but given the serious nature of my own health issues that wasn't an option unfortunately. I knew I wanted him out of the hospital, because of the Pandemic he was only allowed one visitor and my daughter and I wanted to both be with him, as we were his only family. So the hospital told us about a local Hospice facility here in town, so we agreed on that being the best option for him.....WRONG!!!!!
I was told that he would be removed from his I.V. which I understood was because Hospice care requires the patient not be on anything that was considered " Life Sustaining Measures " that was hard but yeah OK got it. What I didn't see coming and felt like I was completely blindsided was when they told me that he would also be removed from his oxygen! I was completely outraged by by this as he already was struggling with breathing as he was by this time literally drowning in his own fluid! It was horrifying watching him struggling for air after removing his oxygen. I still have nightmares over this and the guilt I feel is overwhelming on a good day. I pray to God everyday to be reunited with my wonderful man who I was blessed to have been married to for 40 precious years! Thank God he passed less than 24 hours after arriving there as it was hard watching him look so frightened and confused and watch him suffocating like that! Now I have since done some homework and have been fortunate enough to talk with other Hospice care givers who agree that oxygen is not considered to fall under what they consider to be life sustaining measures as it will not prevent the dying process from taking place. It is viewed to be nothing other than a means to keep the patient more comfortable as they are going thru the process. I thought it to be incredibly inhumane to put my hubby thru this when it was so unnecessary. The final kill shot for me was when they proudly offered to give him morphine in order to relax his breathing and to calm him down. My husband was not having pain, in fact in the several years that he suffered with heart disease he felt blessed to suffer from very little pain he always said. I watched and waited to see if that shot was going to help him at all and trust me when I say it didn't help him not one little bit! Now I understand that anger and wanting to lay blame somewhere is a very common stage that ppl go thru when they are grieving, I get that but this has nothing to do with that and I am in no way implying anything so sinister as they caused his death, his illness caused that. No what I'm upset at is how easily I was duped into thinking this experience was going to easier on him as he always said he hoped he wouldn't have to die in a hospital. How wrong I was! Please understand that I still believe Hospice to be a wonderful option for families, I'm just cautioning ppl to check out their local hospice agencies thoroughly as not all Hospices have the same policies and procedures and it's so important that you and whoever you choose have the same ideas and share your philosophies when it comes to the what you know your loved one would want for themselves during this life into death transition. I know from experience that trying to make those kinds of decisions right after being told that the person who you have loved for a lifetime is going to leave you forever is absolutely the very worst time to be faced with these kinds of decisions! It can be devastating and I fear my decisions will forever haunt me. The final chapter of this harrowing experience was when
I received a copy of a letter they must send out to the patient's loved ones after death and when I read this letter I became a little annoyed by the hypocrisy that I felt like the letter contained. Here's an excerpt from this letter. " DEAR FAMILY, WE ARE SO GRATEFUL THAT YOU CHOSE US TO BE A PART OF [INSERT PATIENTS NAME HERE] JOURNEY AS WE KNOW HOW DIFFICULT THIS CAN BE FOR THE FAMILIES TO GO THROUGH THIS ALONE. PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL US IF YOU NEED ANYTHING IN THE FUTURE.... UGH!!!! NOPE I'M GOOD CUZ THE ONE AND ONLY THING I ASKED OF YOU PPL IS THAT YOU GIVE MY HUSBAND AIR TO BREATHE AND YOU COULDN'T DO THAT BECAUSE IT WAS AGAINST YOUR POLICY, SO THANKS FOR MAKING MY HUSBAND'S LAST HOURS ON THIS EARTH SO EFFING WONDERFUL. MY DAUGHTER AND I WILL TREASURE THE MEMORIES OF GETTING TO WATCH MY HUSBAND AND HER FATHER GASPING FOR BREATH!!! NOT!!!!!!!!
PLEASE KNOW IF MY STORY HELPS EVEN ONE PERSON THAN I CAN FIND SOME COMFORT IN KNOWING THAT MY HUSBAND'S SUFFERING WAS NOT IN VAIN.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND TAKE CARE
Thank you for sharing about your experience
She did not mention the role of the hospice volunteer.
No we were just talking about her role for the most part
Kari, I was hoping you would’ve asked her how hospice gets along with the funeral director or removal team. Specifically, how can we can improve or things that she wishes that we understood better. Sometimes I feel like I have inadvertently irritated the hospice nurse and I wish I had an insight into this. For example, most of them want an ETA but on many occasions I have multiple families at the same time and the nurse leaves before I arrive. However, I do bring a rose for either the next of kin or the nurse on every removal. I wish that hospice nurses could give me three pieces of information; the full middle name not just the initial, religion as this is sometimes important and veteran status.
Kari Northey, unfortunately not. I’m the night embalmer and only interact with them when they are really wanting to go home or the next family that needs them. Since I’m not the director I always feel that it’s not my place. Thanks for the idea though.
I try not thinking about death but I'm glad there are hospice out there if I need it. I want to know what kind of financial help is out there or Insurance companies that help with expensive? I know my mom saves every penny she can so that when her time comes it won't be a burden on her children. I know this has nothing to do with the video but how does she wrap that scarf around her neck, I want to do mine like hers!! Do you know?
Has any one in hospice brought their dog? To be honest that’s all I have for family. I have faith but, my dog gives me comfort. Has anyone heard of “Pets Peace of mind”. Oh, whoops, I just saw this is for dying at home.
Do people ever come out of hospice and get better?. I never want to think about death (it scares me) My wish is to die in my home with no suffering
It is not often or for long but sometimes they do transition out.
I was a hospice nurse and I’m an atheist. I would have liked to have seen a different point of view regarding non-belief in the afterlife. I don’t believe in the afterlife, neither have many of my patients. They have been at peace with that and I have not experienced them having more anxiety.
I wish these people would talk more about the behind the scenes and the things that a lay person wouldn't know. Are you able to lead any of these people to the Lord.if There are many "religions", but only 1 way to Heaven .The blood of Jesus, according to His word . How comforting to know that God is the only way to His son Jesus Christ,and He said WHOSOEVER will.may come, and He promises He will forgive them and save them
What people?
so the be accepted into this program you have to agree to stop trying to get better thats sad/horrible like if you have a sickness that at the time doesn't have a cure and while your in this program a cure becomes available you have to say no cause of the agreement you signed?
You can opt out at any time if a miracle cure for your condition suddenly becomes available. Generally, those referred to hospice have a terminal illness and limited time to live. The program is designed to make them comfortable. If you are still seeking treatment, hospice isn't right for you.
hope your health improves daniel
No, no, no....you can opt in and out. If say, the patient breaks their arm, you temporarily opt out, get the arm fixed, and opt back in. Same if a cure were to become available, the patient would opt out, try the medication/trial/cure, and if needed could opt back in, if said medication/trial/cure where to fail. It’s not set in stone.
Now, if the patient has a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate), then yes....the nurses and all medical personnel are very limited in what they can legally do. Such as in my particular case, my elderly father recently suffered a heart attack, he had a DNR and an Advanced Directive already on file with his GP. The hospital’s hands were pretty well tied in what they could and couldn’t do to treat my father. Now, he is at home, on Hospice, his heart function is at less than 15% (the worst his Hospice nurse has ever seen anyone sent home with). The best we can do is keep him comfortable and wait for the inevitable.
Kari Northey.... That isn’t true. You can opt in and out of the program.
It's about the $$$, Lexus or Mercedes,hmm, Loving is a Front .
Who pays for hospice care?
Hospice killed my dad they gave him way to much morphine
I will never trust them
That is hard to know if they did or not
Whoever loves Hospice is sick in the head
Why are they sick just because you had a bad experience probably.