Ep. 122 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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- čas přidán 27. 02. 2022
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This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer opens with what it's like visiting Austin, and how much he loves playing games with Tom Segura's kids. Also, Tom's kids give Bert a new nick name: Fat Sticks. The bears talk about standup comedy all over the world, they try to figure out the perfect outfit for Bert's next special, and we go down the female golfer rabbit hole. We check out other cool hobbies women can get into, watch some cool debt/stuck related "videos," and check out what kind of videos the rest of America is into.
tomsegura.com/tour
www.bertbertbert.com/bertyboy...
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/ yourmomshousepodcast - Komedie
Yo brent kerscher still out here dressing like a Pokémon trainer and Tom looking dapper as fuck
He's trying to catch all the liver cancer
@@andrestein6022 😂😂😂
When I was 23 years old, I got involved with Team Rocket. Here's how it happened.
@@rayparibello WHAT'S THAT? SLOWPOKE TAIL? *FIENDISH*! I WON'T EAT IT...!
Ash Drankem
Every Ellis story is incredible. I could listen to Tom tell stories about him all day.
The voice gets me
If he isn’t making them up then holy fuck Ellis is gonna suck when he gets older lol
@@millardfilmore1403 or he’ll be one of the next great stand ups of his generation
You’ll love his new special he is working on then. It’s sooo fucking funny!
@@FrostyJokerr exactly. His closer about ellis inthe shower is perfect 🤣
"Are you walking me into a battle that you're going to watch me lose?" We just witnessed the moment Bart has become sentient, ladies and gentlemen.
That ASMR JOI segment was the longest Barts kept quiet in the history of Bears podcast.. 10 seconds!!
You know what would go with Tom's jacket???... THE GLOVE!
Ouuu Saucy Tommy buns 🤔👀 that’s smoove as fvck
U talking about oj's? Lmao
NES Powerglove?
It didn’t fit come on now
Mike Jackson's sequins glove glove.
Fat sticks has to be Bart’s next special
Fore shure
A hunndreedd percent
54:30 Bert not realizing his daughter has the Mickey Mantle gene😂
I love how wholesome Brent and the kids interactions are. Fat sticks just hits different from kids.
Listening to Tom talk about his kids is always hilarious. There's always SOMETHIN goin on with those dudes
That is always how it is when you have 2 kids
Think Tom is losing his BF to Ellis lol
Luilull love l
@@impossiblegems 1000% my 5 and 2 year old are hilarious
"Teacher said there's no school today"
"What? Should I call her?"
"Don't do that"
i love tom’s 5 year old kid with a 45 year old man’s voice
Literally the funniest thing on the face of the earth
And the dead expression every time
Same
That’s his impression of Bert. His child is bert
Haha I love it when he does the impersonations of his son. So deadpan, funny as. "Uh okay".
Tom: “Would you do a gold chain on your shirtless body?”
Bert: “I have a gold chain”
Tom: “I know. I’m saying like a..”
Bert: “Like a golder chain?”
Imagine Bert talking about the machine story with a gigantic Russian mob type gold chain on in bedazzled leather hot pants & pointy toe snake skin cowboy boots with silver tips & spurs. 🤣
@@66Sixxy imagine laughing at the machine in 2022
@@66Sixxy I imagined the leather pants shirtless chain and shoeless with a bottle of vodka next to him 😂
Bert has been doing really well with his drinking. He drank all day yesterday, is drinking now and will drink tomorrow but he turned down 1 drink. 🤣🤣
Bert goes from “oh he’s looking better” to “Jesus this dude is gonna die soon” on a week to week basis
Nah, it's pre-recorded..the past 3 months he's looked like the paragon of alcoholism.
@@megyskermike Dionysus the greek god of wine would say "Dude, slow the fuck down"
Bacchus Chrysler
He said he had a churchill day the day before this was shot the fact he is even there is amazing
He's really turning into the fake Bert from Tom's dancing video.
“It’s so easy to play with kids that aren’t yours.” - Brent
Jared Fogel from Subway
@Manny don't even get me started on that numbskull
Transkodak? Idk why but that made me laugh more than it should’ve
Lol it’s very true
Better come correct if you gunna step to Jared bro, he'll fuck u up no 🧢
Fifteen minutes into this episode.
My Wife: Was Leanne a teacher?
Me: I think she manages Bert's schedule but used to manage apartment complexes.
My Wife: She should run a Special Ed school. She'd be really good at it.
Hahahahaha! 💀☠💀
🤣🤣
14 minutes in and my 5 year old wakes up to Bert talking like " Why is that man all red?" lol
Snowboarding
The segura household has got to be hilarious. You need a reality show. Fat sticks is too funny
Don't fix it if it ain't broke.
@@noneyabidniss4763 I like that!
Don’t ruin toms family with reality tv lol
@@noneyabidniss4763 definitely not the right saying looool
@@Henofmayhem it's if it ain't broke don't fix it😭😂
Good morning bear family!
Talking to Bert is like having 16 conversations at the same time.
I love how Tom only addresses the wild things Bert says with silly faces to the camera as he rambles on
I would love to hear his son talk bc the voice Tom does is hilarious
I hope Burff heard Tom’s thoughts on “Margaritaville Lifestyle”
Yes!!! That ,Your Mom's House episode was fucking hilarious. Tom and Christina tore up the whole Margaritaville/Jimmy Buffett/Bert's drinking 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The blue suit with those blue eyes and loud shoes- bam! Magic!
The best special I’ve seen lately is hands down Shane Gillis, non stop jokes I was dying the whole way through
The young bull! Nobody can hang with the East coast stand-ups
Meh
Normand is fucking great too
“Fat sticks” from a child would be terrifying and funny as fuck at the same time omfg! I laughed so hard at that story
so fucking funny 🤣
Last summer my cousin and her 2-3 yr old son and 5 yr old daughter from Houston came up to visit for a month. The boy had been speaking for a while, didnt know too many words yet, and constantly called me butthole. Then would laugh his ass off. I can't wait to hear what he says this coming summer when they visit.
Also once I was swimming with the kids while my cousin and sister were shopping or something. Eventually the boy gets out of the pool onto the deck, dropped his trunks and started peeing in the pool like it was a giant toilet, laughing the whole time. He's a savage
@@ext93 ❤️😂
Terrifying?😒
@@kristiskinner8542 yeah do ya know what that means
Bert drunk playing hide n seek with Toms boys
I miss my drunk uncle
Rest easy uncle Dan
Even when it feels like my life is in the toilet, there's still something to look forward on Mondays. 👏🏿 Thanks guys.
I dunno if I'd bother getting out of bed on Mondays if Burr, Joey Diaz, and Two Bears didn't all drop on Mondays.
Let's play a game, "swim with weights" 😂 what the f?! Is he preparing them to join the Navy Seals 😂😂😂
Bert is so funny, I love him
When bert says "lately" he means the past few hours.. 😅😅😅
Yes on the suit w tom’s eyes
“Even trimmed hair pubic daily” Todd trying to keep a straight face reading that ad made me howl.
Every once in a while we get the Bart perv episode and Tim being on board is amazing ❤️
once in awhile? bert says pervy things every episode lol
I love how Tom just sits there and lets Bert talk incessantly for minutes on end
In another universe Bert is the greatest middle school pe teacher that ever lived.
In 1980 when they didn’t have to actually do anything
He'd be a legend because of the rumors that he's piss drunk by 5th period but nobody knows for sure
Bert: I've been good about my drinking lately
Tom: You were probably 3 bottles of wine in
The voice Tom does for his kids is amazing. I die.
HOLY FUCK the look of panic on Bert's face when he mistakenly thought PornHub released everyone's individual searches each year 😆😆😆🤣🤣
Like when Chris found out you can save Snapchat
@@Phil.Anthropy uh hundred percent
@@Phil.Anthropy imagine if snap chat released everyone's history to the public. Chris would be in Jail and Bert would be forced to come out as bisexual
Lmao if you Google Bert Kreischer the first question people asked is "Is Bert Kreischer Chunk from the Goonies?"
Hahahahaha
Wait. He isn't?!
No way. I laughed so freaking hard at this that it hurt.
Who thinks this. Goddamn this pool dumber than I thought
Chunk from the Goonies could act.
Toms voice for his boys is perfect as he will never have to change it
1:03 Bert sounds like Will Ferrell with brain damage after he broke out of the hospital in The Office
Fantastic reference 😂
@@soiboisteve515 lmao thank you bro I’m glad you understood my reference
I do a 3-12 shift every Monday. And when I knock off I go home, smoke, snack and watch the new episode. It’s the perfect knock offs. I can just sit stoned and zone out with the boys. cheers and love from australia to you both and all the crew. appreciate everyone.✌🏼❤️
Just knockin off eh mate
From Aus too, I get a 4pk of Turkey's and smash them with the boys. Nothing better
How much is weed there
I’m doing that same thing right now. But in the U.S
@@2pacfan56 hey bud. Have a good shift ✌🏼
Bert DOES sleep with things in his mouth. He already admitted that he slept with chunks of onions in his mouth to fix his teeth. What a cool guy!
Oh my god that’s gross.. poor Leeanne
But he also wears duct tape in his mouth to be quiet 🤣🤣
@Yaldabaoth as aaKSOIaa@@£
@Yaldabaoth you made me laugh so hard brown came to town
Compulsive liar
8:04 did Bert really just say “it’s so easy to play with kids that aren’t yours”?? 😂
I read your comment at 1:03:49 and wish I hadn’t
Beautiful. I think this may be the most perfect podcast episode possible
Anyone else super into Tom’s kid’s stories. Already a fan.
You will love his next special then. Unless you have already seen his "I'm coming everywhere" set you know what I'm talking about. So funny.
@@jeremydelaney1112 nice plug, Jeremy 👍 I'll give it a watch
Love the shoutout to Gillis. Gotta get the big DAWG on the pod
Turns out there's a pussy convention in town! Hopefully he won't miss any of that top shelf primo snatch
37:44 Bernt being friends with Scott Stapp from Creed is the most florida thing ever
I love it when they show Tom watching Bert for his reaction 🤣🤣🤣
When I was 22 I got involved with the Russian invasion of Ukraine...
That Hunter Thompson itinerary sounds like a great day!
Bert acting like women would be attracted to him as a instagram model 😂😂
Jesters were probably the original stand ups I’d say
The funniest memory I have of my kid being scared, kid was standing on the bed watching tv. Just learned what zombies are. I walk in the room near the bed, as soon as I have eye contact I throw my leg under the bed like something grabbed me. The tremble that went up this kids body and the shriek that I heard, I laughed so hard that I was crying and my stomach muscles hurt. After that it was on. Everyday was a mission on how to scare me back. Funniest shit ever.
Sounds traumatizing 🤣
@@josef2012 ya there was this show called face off. They used to take people and make them up into monsters. I had to use that to make sure I didn’t instill a fear. It’s been years now, kid is 16, and my kids movies of choice…. Horror movies.
It was so freakin funny tho. I can still clearly picture the whole thing. The tremble from toes to head. Hilarious. I felt bad but it was so funny I couldn’t stop laughing. I didn’t ever do it again. Not that scary anyway. The things I wish I had recorded.
@@usmc72409 my ex husband used to love scaring me and our kids for fun, but he was an abused child himself so he was probably working stuff out subconsciously
You are a terrible person.. and that's hilarious keep up the good work lol
So 6 places for snapbacks and Brut placed the USSR one right up in there 😂.
To be fair, they recorded this awhile ago.
@@ryant390 stop being fair against Burt bro 🤭😂
If this pod was a football game, Bert would absolutely dominate time of possession.
Really enjoyed watching Tom struggle his way through a map of the US
Yay its "Tom and the Tard"
Tom’s been lookin like he either hasn’t been sleeping or decided to straight evolve into 50 mili tommy.
tom's reactions to almost everything Bert says mean the word to me
Tim watching Brett get all silent and bricked up to a JOI vid made me laugh harder than it should. He was stunned.
How long till Bart takes down the USSR machine hat?
Having friends who have kids to play with must be great. Hell to having my own, thats a daily torture
One of the best one yet 😂😂😂 Bert’s laugh kills me everytime
Bart just said "I Googled it on Porn Hub" LMAO 😹😹
Tom owes charo 500 dollars!!
Shane Gillis live in Austin is such a good special I have watched it a dozen times now
Bert's facial expression watching the JOI video, was priceless. 😄
High praise from the bears for Shane. Loved that special ❤️
Man Bert's getting close to crossing the Steve Segal jet black beard. Please don't let Bert go down that path.
Why am I picturing Jack Torrence going through the Overlook maze yelling “FATSTICKS!!!!!”
It all started with a story about Bert daughter golfing 🤣😭🤣😭 what the actual fu** 🤣🤣🤣
Never thought I'd have a half chub watching 2 bears one cave 😧
Gonna need that FatSticks merch drop asap
This podcast has taught me the difference between Tom thinking Brent has a genuinely good idea and when Tom just wants to enable him LOL
Brent?
Last 20 minutes gets wild. What an episode.
"Gucci are you watching" - Almost covered my laptop with coffee 🤣
At 1 hour and 8 minutes Bret Krystals reveals how he will "accidentally" depart this plain.
saw tom in DC last night… his new hour was incredible. He absolutely killed it, if you have an opportunity to see him live for his current tour do yourself a favor and go. my favorite live comedy show i’ve ever been to.
He’s in DC??! I missed it 😢😩
I saw him in Albany and he fucking killed it.
This was one of the best pods ever. I felt like my buddies and I were searching things cause it is exactly what we would search so funny!
lovely way to start my week! thank you 2Bears and crew
Tom and bert together are phenomenal untouchable love theo love Joey love Chris love all you guys, hats off to Joe and Bill, but 2 bears is king of kings for me
i'll literally kill myself if i have to hear bert dissect how stand up comedy works again
But it's an art bro. Modern day Socrateez and stuff
The Ellis voice is everything
I cannot WAIT to see what they finally end up wearing for their specials!!
Brent Chrysler can't be too happy about his timing on doing a movie that takes place in Russia.
Technically it's Serbia and I think Russians are the bad guys?
@@supafun33 Yes to the Serbia, and the US already bombed them, but Americans won't know the difference.
@@supafun33 I believe Serbia is where it is filmed, not where it is supposed to take place in the movie.
No better way to start a week than listening to the ramblings of a career alcoholic who refuses to admit he has a problem! Please never change Brent!
Who tf is brent
@@caleblee9119 ??? Literally one of the hosts. Tom Segura and Brock Chrismus
Bert trying to outsmart two children is the best thing for my mental state today 😂🤣🤷🏻♂️👍
The last 20mins was gold😂
Toms special should be called “hot sauce is the best” or “hey, Tom” cuz Ellis calls him Tom.
upvote on "Hey Tom"
That Russian Navy 'Machine' hat behind Burnt is going to age like milk, methinks...
The Russian government is awful. Don't blame the citizens. There are many Russians deserting the military and civilian protests.
watching Bert discover JOI was both hilarious and traumatic, i could see into his soul
Barts film about him and Russia is really going to do well now , hahahaha
Tom needs to do a Tuxedo for the next special. "Tuxedo Tom" needs to happen.
Tommy is dressed exceptionally well this episode, Bret still looks like a homeless person that won the lottery.
Hats off to Enny for the camera work during the JO instruction segment
That British comedian talking about his dad is 1000% Jack Whitehall
Looks like we won’t get to see Bert’s movie for a while 😂 Talk about bad timing..
What?
@@giantturd5157 Bart has a story about a piece of machinery that he saw in Russia. His movie is about the machine. Russia has attacked Ukraine using similar machines, so it probably won't get released because it could implicate Bart in the invasion.
@@chadchadchadchadchad it ain't that deep
@@StoicDivinity I'm pretty sure he's joking lol
@@chadchadchadchadchad 😂😂😂
Are we gonna address the fact that Tom is dressed like Dr Evil today?
"Hey Tom". I have to hear ellis's voice 🤣🤣🤣
Toms reactions are the best