How to Deal With Bullies
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- čas přidán 23. 10. 2022
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I learned how to handle bullies when I was 10. I used to spend summers w my grandparents, since I was 5. Anytime I was out in the yard this kid would come by, take my toy, push me, I’d go running in the house. One day my grandfather was home early from work. This kid came walking in the yard, I went running to the door, and my grandfather closed it on me. Wouldn’t let me in. I was petrified. The kid walked right up to me and shoved me. Then, something snapped in me. I jumped on him and beat the living shit out of him. Screaming and punching him on the ground. My grandfather came out and pulled me off of him. The kid went home crying. My grandfather looked at me and said you don’t know it, but I just saved you a lifetime of living in fear. And he was right. I never looked for trouble, but I never backed down and never have. That kid and I became the best of friends for life. He passed away a few years ago. Don’t baby your kids. Teach them to be peaceful but teach them to defend themselves and stick up for themselves. Up until that point of my fight at 10, I was a meek little kid who let everyone push him around. That fight changed everything. At 18 I joined the military. Became an army Ranger for 8 years. I was a member of the us army welterweight boxing team. If it weren’t for what my grandfather did that day, I never would have had the guts to do any of it. That’s my point. Even if I had lost and the kid had beaten me up, it was still better than cowering in fear all my life. Sometimes it takes tough love with those we love the most. I’m 72 now, and I haven’t lived in fear one day since
That's a beautiful story, thank you for sharing it. What your grandfather did - while it may seem harsh to some - was one of the most loving things he could have done for you. He didn't rob you of the opportunity to discover your courage and capability to protect yourself. This is something so many people have failed to realize in the West & we're paying dearly for it.
@@DPham1 agreed. Thank you
Very true. My father bullied me and my mother coddled me. Terrible combination. I lived a lot of my life in fear and got bullied mercilessly as a result. It took a long time and a lot of work, but I managed to toughen myself up over the years. Its never too late to change for the better but sooner is better than later to make a change.
@@arman6576 fight him! No matter how big someone is has nothing to do with it. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. Once you start letting bullies of any size take advantage of you, that’s it. Believe me, it’s better to at least fight, than back away, or you’ll be fearful your whole life. I’ve stood up to many big guys taller and outweighed me. Even if you get beaten, believe me, you’ll feel way more confident and better of yourself. I know, it sounds crazy. But believe me, you will
@@daverage4729 good for you. People have more in themselves than they realize. Fear is in your mind. It takes over you. Break that cycle and you’ll never regret it 👍
“People should know within three seconds of interacting with you that harassing you would be a seriously bad idea.” I need to let that sink in for a while.
I agree, I’ve never been bullied, and I’ve often protected the bullied. I’m intimidated by no one! I’m in charge, I’m in control!
I once told a bully, "Yeah, you're bigger than me, and if we fight, you might win. But remember this old saying: never pick a fight with a smaller man, because he has no choice but to k*ll you." He left me alone after that.
@@silverhammer7779 Nicely done brother.
My Dad always said "you may not win but make sure the other guy knows he was in a fight". That has served me well.
Great saying
That's just bravado.
@@Thagomizer Not if you can back it up, it ain't.
@@silverhammer7779 But not everyone can. And even if you CAN back it up, fighting back doesn't make bullies respect you, since they'll lie to preserve their own egos. It just escalates the conflict instead.
@@Thagomizer So what are you supposed to do? You have two options - take it like a little bitch, or beat the guy to dogsh*t so he knows not to mess with you in the future. I prefer the second one. It's obvious which one you prefer...
Just remember, bullies only understand one language. They're speaking it. Make sure you stand your ground and speak back.
This verse refers to revenge. It doesn’t negate survival. Self defense is fine and the law guarantees it as a right. The says don’t defend yourself when preaching, not be a doormat all day.
The problem is that, if you are being bullied by a bunch of people, it is much harder to stand up.
That's right well said dogs are fearless in packs and more often than not they play games rarely fighting without the whole herd behind them this kick their arse like van damm stuff doesn't work it usually makes it worse as a lifelong victim of bullies it's very naive advice
One at a time. Start by the beggining. Find the way to make it.
That's the case if you are a teenager that has the capability to stand for himself.
If it's about children, parents should be responsible enough to stop it. If they are not, children should find someone who is. They just need the support to be listened and understood.
Violence must be used intelligently.
Just throw random punches if they're crossing their limit. often bullies are cowards disguised as jerks
@@meowwwww6350 *always
"Tyrants will push until you push back." Yep, this is why bullies love to target passive victims. Only way to get the bullying to stop is if you respond counter offensively. And kids don't like hearing that because they think it'll escalate the bullying, but it's a necessary evil to remediate the problem.
Hey Canadians, it's time for you to push back against YOUR bully. Fuck Trudeau!!!
It isn't the kids who don't like hearing that, it's the parents who demand their kids to ignore them because they don't want to deal with the inevitable, and much needed, fight.
it escalated my bullying experience. its not a belief its a fact... depending on the circumstances fighting back just leads to more fights. when a bully gets beat down by the bullied, the bully becomes the bullied by his buddies until they can save face and get back at the bullied.
I had a grown man bully me for years in the union job I had, I tried ignoring him, being nice to him, back to ignoring him, he always pushed harder, being 19 while a 45 year old fucks with you isn't manageable and he's friends with your dad
I had the idea that bullying might be ingrained in the human psyche, seeing as its observed in all different cultures from across the world, it doesnt seem a learned behavior to me. Perhaps a survival mechanism of the group, of targeting the weak member pushing them perhaps to defend themselves, and maybe they are better prepared for a real struggle later. I was at both sides of bullying growing up and it always stopped when the bullied started pushing back.
I was bullied as a child, but wished I would have fought back more often, even if it meant being suspended or kicked off the basketball team. I wouldn’t have struggled with such a lack of confidence and held myself to a higher standard when it came to a career or relationships.
Because some kid know they would suspended them from school they scared to fight stand for themselves
A courageous person dies once, a coward dies a thousand times.
A dog dies once, a cat dies 9 times, but a dog named Courage never dies 👀
As long as the bully dies, I don’t care how it’s done 🥰
If a cowards dies one thousand deaths, do they perhaps not emerge a hero?
Alot of courage is required to die one thousand times.
@@py_a_thon yeah it sounds like the coward and the courageous person are being mixed up in this analogy to me
@@EveryLittleBitCounts The idea of the original quote is a coward will metaphorically die everytime they refuse to face a fear. The solider who hides in a foxhole will die 1000 times. The hero will either not die, or only die once.
The comment I made is realizing that people are impermanent. Who or what someone is today is not who they are tommorrow. Human beings adapt and grow with time.
Perhaps the coward who hid in a foxhole for a battle, lives to fight the next day and changes the course of history.
The thing is: we do not glorify cowardice. We glorify heroics. As we should.
Bullies are naturally drawn to submissive people. Conquering your fear is how you deal with bullies. The way you conquer fear and anxiety is always the same. You must face it. It is never pleasant. You always want to run away and not deal with it. The only way to deal with a bully is to stop being fearful. Standing up to them one time but still being fearful won't work. It's your fear they attack, not you as a person. They use personal attacks, but that's just an excuse. We evolved this behavior to make sure our tribe was strong and not weak. In order to not be weak, you must face your fears.
We didn’t evolve
So you don't pay taxes then?
But who is my tribe? I feel lonely after I stand up for myself.
@@NoobMaster-or2jf Being intelligent means you are a minority. Priority 1: Protect yourself from the scumbags. Remember, you only need one or two friends, so you don't need a 'tribe'. Also, don't throw your pearls before swine, don't try to explain things to dumb people, they will only resent you.
What he says about getting through six arguments to get to the actual conversation that you needed to have,. I felt that
And then the emotional outbreak afterwards... It doesn't always goes like that though. If someone feels welcome and safe enough it would take less arguing and will most likely end up with tears.
But yeah getting trough the core of someone's or even your own problem is a heck of a ride ...
The worst part is that bullies are often or have been bullied themselves. Not an excuse - kick a bullies ass and you've done the world a service.
No it's not an excuse at all.
I've been making this argument for years: you stand up to bullies and evil in order to protect people who can't or won't protect themselves. When you do not or will not stand up against them, you empower them.
I really wish I had known this as a child. Throughout my life, I have been the compliant one letting others run over me, using me, treating me like crap and bullying me. It was how women were supposed to be. Women who stood their ground and didn’t let others run over them were viewed as obnoxious and called names. It took some major upheavals in my life for me to recognize that I was worth something and didn’t have to put up with this bad treatment. Now I am a force to be recorded with.
@@madcyril4135 great story! So inspiring for me, I’m a girl who also got cheated on brutally. I’d love to keep in touch with you, if you don’t mind, if you have any type of social media or even email.
That's a misquote...
"For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief."
Proverbs:24:16. KJV
"Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Romans:12:19. KJV
My life changed when I faced a bully in 9th Grade. There was a guy in 10th grade who liked a girl who liked me. He had a massive body-building friend also in 10th who was not very smart, but was like a puppy to this guy. The body builder was convinced to pick a fight with me. He hit me first and the fight was on. I did my best but he was clearly stronger, and all the kids were cheering him on as they tend to do. But I just refused to give up. He'd knock me down and I'd get back up and charge back in. Over and over getting my own licks in while taking all that punishment. The kids stopped cheering him on and started pleading for me to give up, but I wouldn't. I just kept getting up and coming back at him. They started jeering at the body builder and finally someone got the PE Teacher who stopped the fight. I did not win, BUT I did not lose! No one ever messed with me after that in school. I've never lost a fight in all the years since.
For a woman who's always wished to understand what it feels like to be a man, your anecdote is fascinating.
You're brave man.
Bravo
My guy is living in an anime
You only have to punch them out ONCE. Never again will they bother you. Learned that in elementary. And yes, bullies have a traumatic background all the time, BUT you have to stand up for yourself, no matter what!
When I started in high school, I was bullied from being very tall at school, I stood out so much being age 12 and 6'7. It was daunting. I was taunted with words, like lanky etc.
I was pulled into an unattended classroom and slapped by someone and tried to escape, and I was rushed.
When I think back from 12 and now I am 31, NO ONE will touch me now.
Bullies are jealous because you have something they don't have, they are angry at their life and they want others to feel angry and hurt as much as they do.
I was bullied in 6th grade by a highly manipulative girl. My teachers at the time didn't take it serious and if I would have engaged in physical conflict they would have seen me as the bully.
Relatable af. I had some troubles with bullies all long time of school, when I first(and it was the last time I ever asked help for bullies) asked a teacher for a help stupid bitch didn't give a fk, but every time I fought back teachers suddenly appeared from nowhere and yelled at me, same did my parents. So I have learned that nobody will help you, only you.
@@romariorosso9502 Sorry to hear it man. It is a big problem that not many people talk about.
@@void0094 Oh, you are first ever eng man who replied to me in yt)) If you dont mind we can exchange with mails, I think we got smth common to discuss
Physical confrontation is always ALWAYS bottom decider till this day, you could have caught her outside school and teach her a lesson but you didnt. Bullies are never physically strong no matter how physically imposing they look, every single time they will loose all their courage on first attack you make on them because it crush them that person they thought was weak thought of attacking back
you didn t get the point ....he s talking about standing up to the state(a nation go corrupt a sins at a time or in my kingdom you got to run to stay to the same place (living in newyork))...what did you do to keep that from happening ,now it is maybe a too big dragon to change ,and you are a slave to a system that probly don t reflect you... so you are scared they ll come to you so U NEED GUNS to keep the dragon in check while you could have said no in the first stage
I fought my much larger bully at my first day at a new grade school. I was reprimanded for it as equally as he was. He continued to bully me, my sister and several others for the next three years before I moved away. That right there told me that I couldn't trust the institution.
Years later I ran into him. He was genuinely afraid of me because I was tough as nails and had just gotten off a Bering Sea fishing vessel. We ended up smoking a bowl together and he apologized for doing what he did.
Bygones be Bygones. Turns out, he had a brutal childhood. I'm profoundly happy with myself for not exacting some sort of silly revenge. He had it rough too.
Life is hard, terrifying, brutal... and it's the most beautiful thing we can imagine. I forgave him completely.
Happiness is a choice. I sincerely hope you the reader can understand this simple yet amazing concept.
He was confronted with suffering and decided to take it out on others who didn't deserve it. Sure, maybe you're the forgiving sort. But he was the malevolent sort who took advantage of the corruption and negligence of others to make someone else's life miserable. And then he was terrified, as he should've been, that someone would demonstrate the depravity of his actions. He was afraid that what he had coming would finally find him. You were merciful, and there's merit in that. But it's hard to say they shouldn't get what's coming to them.
@@RockLegend2A Thank you for your thoughts.
In retrospect, he was a child and deserves absolute forgiveness for an honest solemn apology.
As a believer in the law of cause and effect (karma), and reincarnation, I'm convinced that everyone gets exactly what they deserve. Simply put, I had a karmic debt to be paid through this person. In the end, we slowed down the cycle of harming each other. We _changed_ our karma... My thoughts on the matter. I appreciate your "ear" and helping me put into words my experience. Have a kick ass day.
You sound like a stand up guy. I always think that the pain of getting hurt pales in comparison to what you lose: trust in our fellow man. Peace
Had pretty much the same experience. Was bullied, went fishing for a year, came home big and strong. But I went for my bullies and made them all my bitches..
Amazing what a year of hard work can do to an insecure kid though.
Maybe, if he finished off by destroying your career, you would feel differently.
There was an old film called "The Bells of St. Mary's" where this little boy was being bullied by another. The nun in the school found out, and taught the boy how to box so next time, he was able to punch the bully and knock him down. That's old school method of handling bullies and it worked. I also dealt with a bully who was constantly harassing my sister, and surprised him by giving him a good punch in the face when he started picking on her (oblivious to the fact that I was hiding in the back of the bus, waiting for him to start it). He never bothered her again.
where did you learn to punch
@@warlord1207God taught us all
In grade 3 I understood that most of the bullies did nothing, but install fear into others and that's how they got away with it. Mind you I grew up in Turkey and in a very rough neighborhood. I had to beat up a lot of bullies myself who tried to mess with me or my friends. They never messed with anyone from my class up to the end of 5th grade.
This kinda reminds me of The Dark Knight, when Jim Gordon at the ends says, "..A watchful Protector.."
Bad ass man
@@juangal7569 is it a book or a movie?
@@TurcoAmericana A movie, if you haven't watched it's a really Great movie, Highly recommend
@@juangal7569 thank you sir. I'll see if I can find it online.
I was bullied from I was 10. At age 16 I got a job on a fishing boat where I worked for a year. On the boat I grew big and strong, and my self-confidence grew as well.
After my year as fisherman was over, I went back to my hometown and sought out every bully that's been after me. I went for them one by one and made them all my bitches.
I do not recommend doing it this way, but man did it feel good.
@StevenTheElder
Get help for what? My life have been pretty ok after I dealt with my fears (the bullies). Though I never been on the Riviera, I've spent lots of time on beaches with good drinks and beautiful women.
@Death Of Time
Why should I care what you think? Trying to bully me? Suck it!
How does beeing on a fishing boat make you strong sir?
@@Dispensationalism In small fishing boats you do everything by hand. You can grow good upper body strength that way.
But even more important is that such work will psychologically strengthen you, once you master the big bully of sea, the two legged bullies will seem less intimidating.
@@floatingchimney that is really interesting man
This experience scarred me up untill this day, parents protect your kids, when they confide in you don't take it lightly... good people turn evil because of these kind of issues in our society.
Define "turning evil" please, because I disagree. Good people get frustrated because of these issues. There's a huge difference. Speaking in absolutes will lead to far worse problems
@@EveryLittleBitCounts
School shootings😐..
@@EveryLittleBitCounts Yes, evil people needs to ***
@@EveryLittleBitCounts Self isolation, low self of steam, development of unhealthy addictions and depression etc..
You could go on and on about all the ways someone just being ignored and bullied could serously f*ck with a child's mental and moral development.
I mean if i was a happy little kid and then all of sudden I'm getting attacked by seemingly everyone in my life constantly for years with no end to all that pent up aggression and need for revenge. I'd want the world to burn aswell.
It would make me evil.. right?
I wish I had ignored my dad and fought the kids that bullied me.
I did. Or, more specifically, I fought the people who bullied others. I remember a kid trying to punch me for taking back another kids’ hat he’d stolen, and I just ducked and kicked his legs out from under him two or three times till he ran away. He thought I was the coolest person in existence after that, but the feeling was not mutual. It really helps to know how to defend ones self.
@@mansfieldfamily5389 i did that once. once. stepped in front of my buddy and the bully said, "mind your own goddamn business" and walked away. i asked my buddy was it was all about and he said, "he's mad because i stole his girlfriend." lol lesson learned.
you didn t get the point ....he s talking about standing up to the state(a nation go corrupt a sins at a time or in my kingdom you got to run to stay to the same place (living in newyork))...what did you do to keep that from happening ,now it is maybe a too big dragon to change ,and you are a slave to a system that probly don t reflect you... so you are scared they ll come to you so U NEED GUNS to keep the dragon in check while you could have said no in the first stage
@@jessicalacasse6205 what’s my middle name?
I was a lone wolf in school much due to my autism. People started giving me a hard time but you know what they say about the quiet kid. Telling the teachers didn't help, telling the principle didn't help, telling my parents didn't help, trying to ignore it and be the "bigger" man didn't help, no one was trying to help me... So I took matters into my own hands, challenged to a fight behind school at lunch break and made sure to not be bothered again. One didn't get the memo at kept at after school, so one day when I was walking home with my 10 year old little sister at the time he cuts us off and started talking shit and saying things I didn't liked my sister hearing and saw this very thorny bush behind him so I punched him in the face, he stumbled backwards and fell into that bush, grabbed her hand and ran home and never had issues with him again. That guy also had the worst type of prick with him too, a loud mouth. Someone so at disadvantage physically he stands behinds you like his shield and yells, but as soon as he's vulnerable he books it, when he see you no longer chansing he stops, turns back around and starts yelling and mocking you again. Never saw him again after seeing his best friend and protection in a bush assaulted by thorns flailing to get up. It's funny how I wanted to be left alone yet never was afraid to stand up for myself, plus pain didn't scare me, like the more hurt I got the more I wanted to hurt back and hurt more. I was crazy in fights back then.
Hi, I am also on the spectrum and have been bullied most of my (compulsory) school life. It always puzzled me that there were people having a "sadistic pleasure" to harm others for no reasons. It was easy, I could go home and be quiet. But at some point, it wasn't enough. I got an abusive stepfather, who would insult me (and hit me) every day. Plus the bullying at school. So one day, I came to school so irritated that I hit the thug in the face. He was on the floor but for me, it was not enough. I kept hitting him, till teachers physically stopped me and put me into another room. The only thing the school said to my mom was that I was a "potential serial killer". I was in middle school.
Later, I changed school and graduated. I am known as the sweet introverted nice guy by most people, even today. But still, at people's astonishment, I have a potential to enter in big feats of rage if I feel that someone is stepping over my limits.
I have a very high IQ, a very academic person who can hold debates like a lawyer on academic settings. But still acts like a kid when I sense double-standards or a bullying situation, like I am losing my words... When people get to know those two sides, I am looked like a freak.
What i have learnt is typical bullies(not the psychopathic type who will actually try kill you or try maim you in some terrible way if you stand your ground) will back off if you push back.
Also sometimes but not always bullying happens because you dont push back or stand your ground when someone tries to size you up and you in a way empower them to keep pushing you around.
Sometimes the fear of potential physical altercations makes us fail to stand our ground which is why i think taking things like boxing classes can help boost your confidence to engage in a verbal face off when someone is trying to bully you, not because of course you plan to beat them up
I never had issues with bullies in school or when I was a kid. I knew how to stand my ground and most kids doing bullying actually liked me and wanted to be friends with me. I tried very hard to push them off.
however, bullies got to me in my twenties. in university and more so in office spaces. where physicality isn't an option. Women are especially good at this. I'm still learning how to deal with it. They push your boundaries, and if you object then you're an enemy. they wait to see you fall, they wait to see those same boundaries being broken again, without realizing that I'm breaking the boundaries for a friend. They like to pick on you for your talents, or maybe work ethic, whatever Ii is.
now I know how to deal with women in a relationships, but office isn't one. you can't ignore them there, you can't leave, and you can't make them leave. it's like they force you to create a hostile environment. or be a punching bag for their jokes. so every time this happens I make a joke back and get viewed as a bad guy. No matter what I do, I'm still at fault. This burned many bridges in my career. I will not take bullying from anyone and it seems like if you don't, then you'll never have a job or any chance at promotion
Women will often test to see if you are really as tough as you portray yourself when they are interested in you.
@@sturlahansson6182 I highly doubt married women in workplace are interested in me. They're just marking their territories and trying to use people.
I mean they act instinctively or unconsciously. Being attracted to people is not over when ur married.
A phone on 'record' is a great way to catch people bullying you at the workplace. you're just trying to do your job, and someone is harassing you. regardless of gender, that shit ain't good. so record it, even audio would be fine. then take it to HR.
also: doing something, over nothing, is better. even if some people believe HR doesnt work. HR may, MAY, not always work. but, like Jordan says, if you don't push back at tyrannical behavior in your life, big or small, you'll be a slave, and learn to keep being a slave.
These old school lectures are still the best. Every so often, we will revisit these for wisdom. Thanks Dr Peterson
If you enjoy challenging ideas and if mastery and masculinity are subjects that interest you, I invite you to explore the videos I share on the Mastery Order Channel.
Challenge yourself with some ideas about manhood, explore your masculine potential to the maximum and become the kind of man you would admire.
We can only better ourselves together, as men among men, so I invite you to use what I share and, of course, share your own opinions so that others can benefit from them as well.
Looking forward to your points of view.
All the best to you!
My older brother is a gentle giant. He’s 2 years older than I (a girl) am and he’s 6’10”. He was always picked on because he was so gentle. Then in high school it turned into bullying: pushing, horrible outright verbal abuse, etc. One day I guess he figured he’d had enough - he grabbed the guy by the front of his shirt and threw him into the metal lockers. No one messed with my brother again and he went on being peaceful. The school’s Principal suspended him. BUT, when our mother went in to pick him up and meet with the principal about the incident, he told my mother that anything physical is an automatic suspension, it was out of his hands - and that he was happy to see my brother finally defend himself. Mom took my brother your to eat (which was a rarity!). My brother’s 45 now and he’s figured out that he’s just smarter than everyone else, so he “scares” the bullies by letting them know that he will always make the joke. It’s a thing of beauty to see!
I wish I had the courage to kick the crap out of bullies who are cowards by nature when I was at school. As an adult I still get bullied and the law is on the side of the bullies if I were and indeed long to kick the crap out of adult bullies. Sometimes violence is a solution but the world is corrupt and twists law and justice to make victims suffer.
@@jessicaras4540 Now do Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.
"Fight back. Sometimes it's physical, but that's not necessarily for the best. Maybe it's through articulation." This is how I dealt with my bully. Older kid in my study hall. Real cheeky type. He started by starting a normal pleasant conversation with me. From there, he went to showing me an explicit picture of an old woman. When I expressed discomfort, the next couple of weeks, he went to trying to tickle me and call me gay for not being into old women. Silence was a rule of the study hall, so the last time he tried to tickle me I loudly said, "Look. I don't like you, and it's obvious you don't like me. So would you please be so kind as to fuck off?" The little worm shriveled into his seat and asked if I was going to hit him. When I simply said I was considering it, the teacher intervened. I accepted the lecture about swearing in class and enjoyed a peaceful study hall the rest of the semester.
And then everyone in class stood up and started clapping.
Brave and smart, good for you
I'm not for the "I'm considering it" at all. If anything I'd choose: "Only if you hit me, or someone else, first".
@@CONEHEADDK He wasn't that kind of bully. He was more of an emotional/reputational bully. That response would have given him fuel to ridicule me later. I had .2 seconds to think of a response that wasn't yes/no, that didn't give him rules to just keep playing his harassment games, that communicated an escalation to violence would be on my terms not his, that also solidified my new position on the hierarchy. "I'm considering it" did everything it needed to do.
Your lucky it was one on one and not a public humiliation. It feels quite different when it's a crowd watching in amusement and ready to back their friend.
This reminds me of what happened in my childhood. A close friend of mine confided in me that he was being bullied. I asked him how long had it been going on, and he said for a very long time. I asked him what he was going to do about it, and he said he was just going to leave it be and maybe the bully will eventually lose interest and leave him alone. He didn't, predictably.
The 2nd time my friend came to me. I said I was going to take care of it. I gathered a couple of other friends and beat the hell out of the bully that next day. Probably the greatest feeling I had ever had up to that point of my life. They say violence doesn't solve anything, but sometimes the world demands justice.
That's not how you solve it man. Childish and weak. Violence is the easiest way out. You have to face the bully on your own.
If your friend was no longer bullied, I guess you got what you wanted. However, the only thing I'll say is, that's not justice. Especially if you described ganging up on someone as "the greatest feeling," that's kinda scary to be honest.
if u think that bullies have something going on with them, infancy problems and unresolved emotions. Congrats, you just beat the hell shit out of someone that crearly needed help...
Counting 3 bully apologizers!
@@jasonlaiym sir, im not excusing the actions of a bully, they still be held responsible for their actions, that doesnt mean that they dont need therapy and be a better person than its past self.
U sir have a problem.
Absolutely brilliant! Such an intelligent and wonderful person he is…
luckily i never had to deal with bullying after school, besides a couple of friends that were used to a little bit of excessive jokes at times. but in school i learned too late that the only way to be left alone is to get pissed off and start swinging. my parents never taught me this, and instead told me to stay put, ignore the bully so that he will get bored and leave me alone eventually. never happened of course. by not reacting i showed them i was weak. it didn't help that i wasn't strong enough to physically react and didn't have any friends that were willing to help me out. so i went with it and endured all of this throughout my school life.
meanwhile, years later, my friends were talking one night about how they dealt with bullies while we were in middle school. predictably they grew some balls, punched them in the face and all were left alone. one of them was a bully himself, but instead of bullying weak kids, he bullied the bullies.
so yeah, fighting back is the thing you need to do, or face years of misery
Great teaching! Amazing gentleman!!! Thanks for another phenomenal lesson!
I have been learning so so much through you Mr J. You are helping me truly see the light and dark of coping... thank you thank you thank you
If we’re talking about schoolyard bullying it is not quite as sophisticated as adult bullying. You need to face up to the school/physical bully. Tell them to F off should do it. They will then hit you, and there is a reason why they chose to bully you, they thought they would win, and they’re probably right. They will kick your ass. This is where it gets interesting. The next day you wait until they bully you again and you repeat the performance. You don’t give in, but you get your ass kicked. The next day and the next day you keep on fighting them. You will lose the fight again and again, but after a few times the bully gets to know something important about you: they can fight you and win physically every single day but you will never give in mentally. You cannot defeat someone who keeps turning up to get his ass kicked. I don’t know what it is about this performance, but bullies will very quickly come to respect you. They will even try to be your friend. Hope this helps, peace.
Sorry... but the worst advice ever.
@@Maria-oz3rm can you tell me why you think so? Have you done it? Worked for me, and many others. It is a method that has been talked about for decades, and my gut tells me probably centuries. After all, people haven’t changed.
@@Maria-oz3rm Agreed, the bully could get irritated that you are not succumbing to his sadism and hurt you permanently physically. You're likely being picked on because you are of a weaker stature, and you're seen as a target. Just "showing up" and getting your ass kicked is not enough.
Take this guy's advice and you could end up with some broken bones or permanent damage. You have to fight back like a crazy person, yell at them, and every time you see that person stare daggers back.
Anyone who has been in prison will let you know that the people who get left alone are the quiet guys who will go ape$&(@.
@@alst4817 I kind of don't like being kicked ass.. just not my type of socializing. It can escalate very quickly and uncontrolled.
@@alst4817 I agree with you for the most part. Bullies have a predator mentality and in the wild, predators only prey on those they deem as an "easy kill." You don't even need to beat your bully, but you have to put up enough of a fight that you're so "annoying" that it's not worth the trouble. Fight crazy: strike the groin, go for the neck, poke the eyes, bite. No predator wants to incur permanent damage.
Most of the people saying "what if this happens, what if it escalates." Guess what, you being bullied is already escalation. Take a lesson from World War 2, "appeasement" doesn't work and only emboldens the bully.
I read a good book on communication. We either go to violence or silence. We need to stick to the facts and make it safe to have a dialogue. Better to deal with a situation then let it fester. From what I’ve learned you become vulnerable and one needs to know their audience. This talk was helpful and necessary in my current situation and it helps me grow in my life’s journey.
I know you have heard so many people thank you already but a huge thank you for the work you have put into the world. I am a female and taught myself to be externally very agreeable but I'm actually fairly disagreeable. It became a big factor in anxiety and depression. I started to work on that and my relationships are much better now. There were some very difficult conversations had. Also, I have had and do have some wonderful men and in my life, thank you for standing up for them.
Profoundly wise and deeply fascinating. I was bullied as a kid through junior and high school, being more academic and not a rugby player in a football-mad country town. I was always taught to turn the other cheek... and so on it went until one day as a scared 16yo, I hit back, breaking all the rules of my engagement up until then. Never happened again. I still hold some sentiment to turning the other cheek but wonder how else I could have dealt with the problem as an insecure and diminuitive little boy. Perhaps I can impart a wiser approach to my own children if they face - God forbid - any such adversarial forces. Many thanks Mr P and regards from Sydney - David
There is a following interpretation of the turning an another cheek:
During that time Jews were under Roman Empire and the soldiers treated the Jews as inferior. During the time it was common that the left hand was used for cleaning ones arse. The slapping ones cheek was used as an insult by the Roman soldiers and so by saying to turn the other cheek Jesus meant to strike me as a man, with the main stronger hand, the righ t hand. To force them to treat them as equal.
Love your videos sir. I took the root of standing my ground at a young age. No matter who or when. Not always with anger or violence. By confidence in myself.
Have the confidence to tell them how you feel abou them and their behaviour, and walk away proud is what I say to those going through it now, bullying will cause you to hate yourself and this is the problem, you have to be strong
This was informative up to a point. In the workplace when you come up against a bully that utilizes passive aggressiveness and more subversive means AND happens to be "protected" by upper management who they have a personal relationship (friendship, relative) there is a power dynamic element that either means you need to leave or quietly create difficulties for them that result in their or their ally's dismissal/discipline that cannot be linked to you (which takes a lot of skill, patience and cleverness). Usually, you may just need to leave and in your exit interview report it so others will have a better go of it.
Yeah, Peterson knows little about the real world adult interactions of work, I've noticed that. I also suspect most of the tall tales posted here are pure bollox.
I remember what my old man said to me at school. Hit him on the nose as hard as you can. No matter whether you're at school or work or in a pub, 99% of the time that's the end of it.
I got bashed at school every other day from 2 truely wicked girls. I ran into them when I was working in the prison system - they came in on charges and each had a long rap sheet of convicted crimes. They never changed and actually served to strengthen me, so I feel I owe them a depth of gratitude for making me as strong as I am today. Cruelty has its worth although it never feels like it at the time
In the majority of situations bullies are simply people trying to take back power that was taken from them at somepoint through a perceived weaker target. You deal with this in almost every occurrence through the only language they understand - by assertively standing up for yourself or if needs be physical violence (especially the latter in a school setting).
My son was bullied in the elementary school all the time. He was a very gentle child, he just couldn’t hurt people and the boys took advantage of that. His sister who is two years older had to protect him all the time. So me and my husband we thought it would help him if he took karate lessons and so we sent him to a karate school. But even there he couldn’t be aggressive, he just learned how to defend himself. When he was 20 years old he grew up to be a big boy, 6’2. One day a guy was bullying him on the street and he wouldn’t let go of him. So he turns around and punches him real hard on the face with his foot using his karate skills. The guy falls down and my son kicks him away. The guy and his companions were horrified and ran away. I think they did not expect him to have karate skills and thought he was a weakling since he was not responding to their bullies.
Now he is 46 years old. He’s still gentle in nature, he just doesn’t like hurting people in any way, but at least he knows how to defend himself well.
How I dealt with my bullies, I made sure they knew that this illusion of a social contract we live in is just that, an illusion. You tell them that nothing is off bounds once they start pushing your boundaries, their familiy, their kids, their property, their bodies, all of it. Tell them that you do not reciprocate, you will do to them 100 times what they do to you, you do not fear jail time or any repercussions, your only goal from then on is to make that person a living hell and achieving that will be your life's goal. That's how you do it. Make them know you are more dangerous than they are, an actual psychopath.
"Repeats in shower" 🤓
Such a gift this man.
I find your videos super, super helpful!
I used to be bullied. Then I punched the biggest kid in the face and broke his nose. Then I was friends with them and joined thier football team. We were mates for 15 or so years after that.
Over those 15 years we probably punched each other 100s of times too.
I never worked out how to deal with female bullies, its not physical like it is with boys. It's on a psychological level that uses the perspective of others to thier agenda.
reputation damage
I can tell he went through it and wish I could talk to someone who did. It's annoying to knock down so many scarecrows without being able to address whatever is held against you when you know there is no basis, so you can neither own nor refute the accusation that somehow provides any basis for the judgement one recieve regardless of their own life and choices. That should be a telling sign; when one cannot get access to the accusations against them with ppl to whom they've offered open communication. Those purporting themselves as supportive are the only ppl positioned to hurt you repeatedly.
you're tolerating it... object, and object definitively... they don't know what you did, doesn't mean you didn't do, you don't exactly realise ow much the the conflict is costing you, because you're hiding it... talk, journal, think through, yes, but you need to act: and act by providing a solution to what you see, and open to hear what you don't want to see... but be honest and truthful, and have a goal, that way you have something to measure yourself by
Thanks doc
Thanks doctor
I was being bullied in my adventure ed class when I was a junior. Every day this bully would say things to me and threaten me. After class 1 day he said something to me that caught me off guard, and I pushed him against the wall. He fell down, started crying and ran away I never saw him in that class ever again 😆
This bloody amazing!!!!! God bless him!
JP your wisdom and knowledge never cease to amaze me and light up my Neural correlates! The title simply does not do this lecture/video justice! Thank you sir 🙏
I was told I couldn't defend myself no matter what. "Just walk away. Just tell them to stop. Don't fight." Imagine you can't defend yourself and no one wants to protect you either. I wish I hadn't listened but I was a child. How was I supposed to know?
As an adult I've asked my parents why they gave me this useless advice and they didn't know what I was talking about.
Walking away does ultimately work, but only if you have immense perseverence - usually beyond most kids
Its okay. Just take your lessons now. They were incorrect.
Before taking this advise...
*Get training in how to conduct yourself in a physical fight*
Times have changed,his advise might work but nowadays if you confront someone even with words it is likely to end in a physical confrontation.
People cannot accept anymore the possibility that they are wrong and will attack you for pointing it out.
Talk will never stop a bully you have to fight them and hurt them and humiliate them in front of everyone
Deliver one punch to the face and many bullies shrink away. I learned to fight early one and confronted a number of bullies, and when challenged physically and strong-enough most of them withdrew immediately and became. When two true alpha males go at it and neither will back-down, serious physical confrontations often ensue, same goes for dogs.
In my school, we treated each others as human-beings
Never heard of bully things
We were never mean about each others looks and belongings… I’m telling for my classmates,…with whom I studied for 7 years in row…thanks God 🙏🏻 💗
there is a thing called banter. it is not the same as bullying, but can be perceived as such. so, there's a philosophical question - are attempts to stamp out banter in and of themselves a form of bullying.
@@rvrmn2682
Agree
The worst that could happen is probably not as bad as the worst YOU THINK could happen.
So good!
growing up i would fight my older brothers bullies. lost most times yet i wouldn’t surrender
Bullies are a natural part of life and always have been. This attempt by society to completely do away with bullies has not redounded to our benefit. There is character growth in being bullied, learning to stand up to a bully and being stood up to as the bully. These are, in my view, necessary parts of human development. I would not be the resilient person I am today without the bullying of my younger years. I also learned fairly early that it's better to take a buttkicking than to get continuously bullied. And that bullies will not continue to bully you if they have to beat you up (including getting punched in the face at least once) every time they try. These are valuable lessons that are overlooked in today's society and, I believe, to our detriment.
I think there is a difference between your everyday overt bully vs pathological individuals. I the modern world, we also have knife culture and gun culture.
It's a little different for kids now.
@@RhetoricalMuse I don't understand the purpose of your comment, to be honest. In my above comment I'm referring to bullying, not murder, attempted murder or assault with a deadly weapon. I would assume the average person reading my comment would not confuse these things. Not sure what you mean by "knife culture" or "Gun culture" either, or what they have to do with bullying. I'm also confused as to why you would assume that, to what extent they actually exist, they didn't exist when I was a kid. I had guns and knives. All of my friends had guns and carried knives. I carried a knife to school almost every day of my school career. Many seniors at my school had rifles in a gun rack in the back windows of their pickups. But I digress. None of this has anything to do with my original comment to which you replied.
With respect, I disagree. Bullying is not good. It’s not necessary.
I do agree that we can make good out of a bad situation, and being bullied can make you stronger, if you chose to use it as your weights.
But evil and bullying is never, ever a good thing. Normal in this world, yes. Necessary, no.
@@katemiller5990 I wouldn't go so far as to say it's necessary or that we should prescribe it. However, it seems pretty clear to me that all of our efforts to eradicate bullying have not made anything better but has, on the contrary, served to produce less resilient (and perhaps even less socially developed) young adults. I'm no expert by any means and can only speak for my own experience and what I see in my own family members and society at large.
The red queen quote really hit me. "In my kingdom, you have to run as fast as you can in order to stay in the same place." I feel like that is my life. I can never get ahead and all is futile.
Amazing, so so good
Thanks.
But if people believe after 3 seconds of dealing with you that they should not mess with you then people generally just don't like you.
I was being bullied when I was like 11/12 years.
I figured I was tired of it and upon seeing the dude while walking down our apartment stairs I just had a thought to grab him and throw him down the stairs and I did that. Without hesitation.
Luckily he was not badly hurt. It felt good to be the one on the giving end of the pain for once.
We became friends after that because our mums forced us to play video games together.
I would’ve been in prison if that was me tbh
That’s not what Peterson is advocating!
He could’ve broken his neck.
@@SpiralMystic 😄 I know! I was not articulate enough to talk it out.
@@SpiralMystic On the other hand, he is also could seriously hurt by the bully at any time. People die from unlucky punches all the time on a global scale. Maybe throwing him down on a stair was a little overkill, but I wouldn't say he should feel bad about it...
well said!
Thanks
Everybody gangsta til JP opens up his soda can
Having worked for a bully for the past year while I finish my degree, I have watched this play out with meeker fellow employees that he targets.
As someone who is inherently outgoing and possessed of a strong personality, I shut it down early but this superintendent specifically targets those who don't have the temperament to fight back. I grates my nerves and is an ugly, twisted shadow of authority.
Good advise
Thank you Jordan Peterson
A swift kick in the nuts normally sort out the bullies.
I'm struggling with the issue of bullying. I still think that they're the Devil and deserve unlimited punishment, but even so much as standing up to them will make me look like the bully in other eyes. Who is the bully, who is the victim? Either way, I seem to lose, and I have no idea in Hell how to deal with these evil people. Authorities are in cahoots with them!
you didn t get the point ....he s talking about standing up to the state(a nation go corrupt a sins at a time or in my kingdom you got to run to stay to the same place (living in newyork))...what did you do to keep that from happening ,now it is maybe a too big dragon to change ,and you are a slave to a system that probly don t reflect you... so you are scared they ll come to you so U NEED GUNS to keep the dragon in check while you could have said no in the first stage
In high school, I came to the realization that if people were gonna disrespect me, I would give them the same disrespect back to them 10 fold. I basically became a mirror of their actions being a bigger asshole to them than they were to me. I can't say it was the best way of handling things, but I can at least say I survived high school with some dignity, and sanity intact. I learned that I didn't need to impress anyone. You can stand up for yourself without even needing to lift a finger, and you have every right to stand up for yourself. If someone doesn't like it, that's their problem. They don't have to live in your skin. They don't have to suffer your pain. You do. Sometimes, you need to remember that you have to live for yourself because you have to live with yourself.
I wish I could give you an exact solution to your problem. I suppose at some point, we each have to find our own way of dealing with these matters. I hope in your case you'll be able to find yours, and it'll be a better solution than mine was. If nothing else, just know that some random guy on the internet thought enough to offer you some words of encouragement. Stand strong, and stand proud.
@@SaviorGabriel I appreciate it. Really.
At my school the teachers _permitted_ any and all bullying, right in front of them, *unless* the victim stood up for himself and fought back, verbally or physically. Then they would punish both. I can only imagine their reasoning was _something_ like, 'if it becomes a conflict, we'll intervene.' Meaning as long as the kid doesn't stand up for himself, it's not 'conflict,' because it's one-sided. I think the policy was, 'permit anything short of violence; and if violence occurs, punish everyone involved.'
Thank you for perfect advice.
Mirror the same energy back at them. Bullies are punk and nothing without their audience. Or you catch them alone and mess them up you'll see how that toughness flees when their entourage isn't there🙂
“Fat, ugly and in divorce court”
*cracks open a coke*
Thank you!
Wow
Bt God the first 3 minutes into this clip mention the things that I see lacking in humanity on daily basis. I am amazed how easily he is even talking about this let alone recognising it.
It's easy to say that you have to be sharp, eloquent and smart enough to quickly decompose complicated problems. How do we learn this? I'm usually coming up with great responses only after we're done talking.
He thinks everyone can win arguments like him but if that was the case he wouldn't have won every debate he has ever been in.
No one is alike, he might be among 99 percentile in verbal intelligence but he doesn't even stand among the 20 percentile performance IQ. He can't make a rocket similarly a scientist doesn't necessarily will be articulate as JP.
@@spacewalker7520 Yep, spot on
When all passive strategies fail, you can always do like peterson once said: "hit the other kid with a truck in the head no more than it is absolutely necessary"
Very well put through 2:25
JP is absolutely amazing
The last 3mins are absolute gold
Some people really are so self loathing they're just looking for a fight. When I look back at the times I turned the other cheek, I actually regret it. Now I'm just concerned that if someone opens their mouth the wrong way, I might kill them.
Olivia Wilde has probably never watched old videos like this to see who exactly JP really is. He's not some emerged A. Tate-like social leader seeking attention, he's a man of the science. A true academic that has instructed diverse classes of every demographic that has filled the seats in his classrooms. No partial agenda, no misogynist rhetoric. Pure psychology and social science. Ironically, most of his classes for all his teaching decades were filled with Olivia Wilde type people. She superficially judged him based on a soundbite here or there in his recent interviews, with no real knowledge of who he is or where he comes from or what he's done. I hope she realizes this one day. I hope she's humble enough to apologize for the Wilde conclusion she jumped to.
Confront your bullies and set boundaries. Never get afraid to get your hands dirty, bullies aren’t playing by the same rules.
I had a bully in I think 7th grade. I was a year younger than most students not sure if that was a factor or not, but this kid in home economics class had it out for me. He would do things like spray me with cleaner, or push me around, etc... I had a really good relationship with my 7th grade counselor. We would talk and I liked spending my lunches with the guy. After a week or more of being bullied I went to the counselors office and asked him if I could come to his office for my home ec. period. He straight up refused, and said that I had to deal with the problem myself. I also talked to my mother about the issue and I suggested violence, but she warned me against that because bullies do have friends and they could gang up on me. That was all the wisdom, and help I got: but ya know It was actually great for me. One day it reached a point and I was done. I didn't hit the guy, but I yelled at him in front of the class and told him to knock it off, It wasn't funny, no one was laughing, and honestly I can't remember all I said, but he quit after that. Life is strange and sometimes difficult, and if you never stand up for yourself, you'll never learn who can be.
Im not saying it never happens, but I have literally never in my life seen a black kid get bullied by people who aren't black.
Somewhere in Africa...
Always looking for the racial
I asked a bunch of, lets say, kids of color if bullying and teasing would stop if there weren't any white kids in school anymore. They seemed shocked by their own realization that it would not. We concluded ALL kids suck.
Never I'm my life have I seen a white kid get bullied by people who aren't white.
Sometimes you can't afford to NOT be a slave, from a realistic point of view, as a Trainee you gotta put up with a lot of shit.
Or with the government and the pandemic crap, I mean you could become a terrorist but would also result in a negative outcome
Brilliant
At my age 60, We use to stand up to a bully and even beat their ass if we had to. After that the bully never messed with us again
Co-worker over defends themselves animatedly over non issues creating lots of drama over some time they become a lazy tyrant ,dictating to their peers yet picking and choosing tasks they would prefer for themselves when not sitting on their backside .
😇
the analagy of kids in swimming pools was perfect! caring parents as myself know the importance of boundries, rules and discipline but personally I've found hard to put words to why when friends of my daughters comes to mentioned who have nearly unlimited "freedom" which is easily envyed. (care not for my grammar, english isnt my language)
I truly believe that Jordan is SO GOOD at what he does, he purposely held on to that can of soda, and in turn, held on to our attention. I could actually "taste" that soda... but more importantly, I could "taste" his subject matter. Brilliant!
I would love to hear more on the idea that ‘people should know within 3 seconds that harassing you won’t be a good idea’. What does that look like?
Especially for conscientious & gentler types.
That is just victim blaming in order to make victims of bullying feel that it is their fault. It is really quite disgraceful and cowardly.
@@josephvanname3377 I think you’ve put your response under the wrong comment.
@@SpiralMystic No I did not. Telling people that the reason they are getting bullied is because they do not somehow intimidate people in a first impression is itself bullying. Peter Jordanson is a university professor, and universities are full of the most immoral anti-intellectual people we have ever seen, so this is not a surprise.
@@josephvanname3377 Um, I didn’t say any of that. I asked a question. Please find some inner peace.
@@SpiralMystic I do have inner peace unlike Jordan Peterson.