DBT Skills: Radical Acceptance And Distress Tolerance
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- čas přidán 8. 07. 2024
- In this video I discuss radical acceptance, explain what it is, when to use it and how to practice it. Radical acceptance is a distress tolerance skill and comes form the school of psychotherapy called dialectical behaviour therapy or DBT. Radical acceptance means accepting this moment or situation exactly how it is. For example. Ben has osteoarthritis and has to rely on a walking stick. He can't walk very far and needs regular breaks. Rather than getting angry about his position he radically accepts "this is my life, I am in pain, I can't walk very far but my life is worth living". Ben accepts his situation but this doesn't mean he has given up or approves of his situation. Ben recognises his situation exists and he accepts the facts about his condition. If Ben didn't accept his health issue he might not take such good care of himself, maybe not taking breaks or not taking his medication which could lead to more suffering down the line.
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🔵 CHAPTERS
0:00 What is radical acceptance?
2:43 When to use radical acceptance
4:06 How to practice radical acceptance
I want to stress that radical acceptance does not mean you approve of your situation. It certainly doesn't mean you have to approve of being ill or approve of being in an abusive relationship. Radical acceptance is not passivity or giving up.
There are there types of situation when radical acceptance is useful.
1, you experience trauma or pain. For example, you may have a traumatic past. Accepting the the facts of a traumatic past can be very painful and complete acceptance may take some time, months or even years. But you cannot change what has already happened, fighting with the past only blinds you to the present moment. You cannot control the past as it has already happened but you can chose to accept your past so you can make changes in your future.
2, You are in distress but not a crisis. For example, you are in a traffic jam and are going to be late for an important job interview. Getting angry will not change your situation. It would be more helpful to accept you are going to be late, call the office, explain what has happened and see if you can rearrange the interview. Accepting the present moment situation enables you to problem solve.
3. Problem solving isn't working. For example, you have caught COVID and your daughters wedding is in two days and you have been planning the wedding for two years. This is a good time to accept the reality that you are sick and should stay at home to recover. There is nothing you can do to change this situation other than accept it. The outcome is not what you want but there is nothing you can do to make this any different.
It's not always easy to practice radical acceptance. It's something is painful a natural response if to push it away or try to block it. And it's not always as simple as saying 'yes, I accept this situation'. The more painful the situation the longer it can taker for you to fully accept it. Sometimes the the process of acceptance is a choice you make every day, sometimes several times a day. For example, accepting that a parent has died is not something many people just accept and this may take some time, months or even years. You may observe there are times when you accept and times when you don't accept. When you don't accept you may notice thoughts such as 'why me' or feelings of anger or bitterness.
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Teresa Lewis is the founder and Director of Lewis Psychology and a Senior Accredited psychotherapist with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (MBACP Snr. Accred). Qualified in 1995, Teresa has been providing counselling and psychotherapy treatment for nearly 30 years. Teresa holds a masters degree in counselling and psychotherapy and is a qualified EMDR Practitioner having completed training accredited with EMDR Europe. Teresa is also a qualified adult educator and an accredited Mindfulness teacher As a recognised expert in her field Teresa is frequently asked to conduct editorial reviews and endorse counselling and psychotherapy books for international publishing houses.
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Very insightful and appropriate in my situation as someone living with CFS/ME. Thank you
Thanks for your comment Jane. I’m pleased to hear you found this video insightful. It certain,y does sound like it’s very appropriate for your situation. Take care.
I was wondering what the state of acceptance actually looks like and I concluded that it is when I stop generating negative feelings, thoughts, and behaviors concerning my problem. No more avoiding the problem, just look at reality and see the truth. No more anger, fear, shame, worry, guilt, sadness, etc.
That’s spot on. Very well said. Best wishes, Teresa.
As someone living with borderline personality, I find this is the hardest skill to try and get right because I feel pain so intensely.
Same for me
Stay away from people.
No, stay away from people who do you down, or tell you to stay away from people. Fight for good relationships and put boundaries in with people who overstep their mark.
If you release your resistace to what is,, and accept the imperfections of current
reality, you will suffer much less🎉
You can’t radically accept if you are in the intense emotions, you have to get out of your emotional mind first then you can practice radical acceptance
Thank you for your clear, efficient, and useful explanation of Radical Acceptance!
Glad it was helpful! Best wishes, Teresa.
I have shared this video to a Facebook group that I have started. It was well accepted and I appreciate your clarity and knowledge.
I've got fibromyalgia I have radically accepted it
Excellent!… thank you for such clear, well - organized -and presented- videos
This made a lot of sense to me.
That’s great to hear. Best wishes, Teresa.
Thank you for this video. I've been working through a lot of past trauma alongside a recent autism diagnosis (age 29) and radical acceptance has been something I have struggled to utilise. The affirmation that radical acceptance isn't giving up or an approval of my situation has made it easier to understand and I hope, alongside the willing hands, it'll become a useful tool in my growing arsenal of DBT techniques.
Wishing you all the best on your journey, best wishes, Teresa.
Wonderfully explained! Thank you!
Glad it was helpful! Best wishes, Teresa.
Thanks
What a great explanation!
Thank you so much. Best wishes, Teresa.
Concept explained in a simple and practical way
Thanks for your kind comment.
❤Excellent
One I like your videos,, thank you. Two I accept :) radical acceptance as the ... hmm .. how to say it "ground zero" from here find solutions, not hopes. I would like to learn more about Radical Acceptance, strategies, hacks .. just anything that helps living it
As a carpenter I have always had to accept reality. You have to shim a crooked slab: level it or the 2nd floor is crooked too.
Walls out of plumb need to be fixed. They don’t her you…
🤗
Thank you very much that was helpful 🙏🏻💙💙
That's great to hear, thanks Rania. Best wishes, Teresa.
After decades of #$-*@! something in my brain just went "Nope. This way of living HAS to change and its up to me to change it!". Its like a lightbulb went off! Im 57 and this happens. Isnt it unusual that my brain just chose instantly that the chaos has go stop? (Although i have been in counseling for several years and working hard.)
Only problem now is i feel like my personality has changed a bit, somewhat melancholy, and im not sure at this age what/how to change.
Oh boy......😮❤
I just turned 59. Seems insurmountable.
Excellent video, thanks ❤
Glad it was helpful! Best wishes, Teresa.
The title of Radical Acceptance initially may fuel thought patterns that we are accepting that there is no hope. It can be confusing & off-putting, resulting in some of us wanting to avoid the thearpy. I do acknowledge it helps but I wonder if there could be a better title...
I get that. In case it helps - fighting reality hurts a lot more because we don’t have the power to change from being in a space of denial.
Accepting reality is actually within our control and can lead to making more empowering and reality based choices thereby possibly leading to gaining some control. 🙏🏽
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves”
Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
Resistance is not helpful. Acceptance clears a way to improvements.
I am working on acceptance and focusing on the present moment. However I don't know the difference within myself between "pushing away or bottling up" and "accepting". I try to adopt a "well, this is how things are -shrug-" attitude, but I don't know if that is actually happening or if I am just bottling everything up.
It can be difficult at first but do keep practicing. It may be helpful to work with a psychological therapist. Best wishes, Teresa.
@@LewisPsychology I've been in therapy for 20+ years. I get mixed messages from the world: some say to work on acceptance, others say that we should not settle. No one has the answer(s), it seems. But I am working on accepting life the way it is instead of always wanting something different. I'm not going to have a different life, so I need to stop wishing for it, which causes me stress. Also working on lowering my expectations in the hopes that I will be less disappointed. Sometimes it's difficult to determine what is a reasonable expectation and what is a too-high expectation. Again, no one has the answer(s). -shrug-
@@LewisPsychology how about an answer to his question?
Would this be appropriate for real event ocd ?
Yes. Best wishes, Teresa.
Thanks
Basically I made a really bad mistake 6 years ago. Haunts me everyday and I’m stuck in this battle of trying to reason why I did it ? Made me suicidal and I’ve had 9 trips to A and E this year. If only we could turn back time 😢
I'm not sure if me hating my life is a case for radical acceptance or problem solving. I am not happy with the situation I'm in. Radical acceptance or problem solving.
You can do both. Accept what you can't change but but come up with a solution to the problem if you can. Just know there are no perfect outcomes.