Narcissistic Mortification: FACTS, not YouTube NONSENSE
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- čas přidán 8. 09. 2024
- Full text here: samvak.tripod.c...
Narcissistic mortification, is, therefore, a sudden sense of defeat and loss of control over internal or external objects or realities, caused by an aggressing person or a compulsive trait or behavior. It produces disorientation and terror (distinct from anticipatory fear).
The entire personality is overwhelmed by impotent ineluctability and a lack of alternatives (inability to force objects to conform or to rely on their goodwill). Mortification reflects the activity of infantile strategies of coping with frustration or repression (such as grandiosity) and their attendant psychological defense mechanisms (for example, splitting, denial, or magical thinking).
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You can hear the frustration within the first breath. The sheer amount of misinformation streaming about... For every video the Professor does, there are ten more of crap and nonsense. Thank you Professor Vaknin for continuing the good fight with the correct information. People are listening.
True, and it doesn't help that the powers that be have listed every dark trait, split them into named categories and assign them to children in public school. All victims carry shards so, in my opinion, they're confusing the landscape while normalizing feeling sorry for predators.
If you’ve lived it, you’re an expert. I know exactly who is to be trusted and knows what they’re talking about, within moments.
@@dontbeadogsbody3564 Right on! :-)
Before the good professor corrects you with likely the correct number along with an algorithm to determine their growth (I'm being facetious) I will say it must be more like tens of thousands of hours of misinformation for every 10 minutes or so of the brilliance he chooses to share with us.
It's an ironic concept because narcs always steal ideas from victims and spin the ideas as their own. Sam is the real deal for sure. :-)
What a great description. I can't get over how absolutely masterfully you describe something so complex in the layers of this construct and its demise.
I agree! I am listening to it again.
The narc siblings in my family were always protected by making me the whipping boy. They weren't abused but rather allowed unchecked to be predatory, as learned behavior from role models.
Thanks, Sam, for acknowledging that we don't all (as targets of NPD abuse) enjoy or agree to participate in the fantasy. The love bombing of my ex (Diagnosed as NPD, antisocial, histrionic, ADD, adoption after months of institutional care, auditory processing delay + suspected Asperger?) was always very off-putting to me. But he could be a lot of fun in the courting phase and, at 20 yo, I naively put everything down to general immaturity which "everyone grows out of" and to insecurity which "would be resolved by making the relationship permanent (marriage) and proving myself to be a reliable source of safety and support." So, so wrong.
Every time I see a new video posted, I think "there can't possibly be something useful Vaknin hasn't already covered." Again: so, so wrong. More insanely articulate descriptions >>> more understanding >>> more compassion >>> more forgiveness >>> more freedom. Many thanks! Hang in there, Sam! Neh 6:3 You're a treasure.
This video has helped open my eyes to my own narcissism that until recently, I wasn't even aware existed. Thank you for this great content and please keep up the amazing work!
This is new stuff. Very interesting indeed.
49:59 All humans have right to feel needed. And everyone deserves to be loved and appreciated. This need it’s very important and we shouldn’t deceive ourselves by rejecting it. This is mostly visible in a home care settings when people struggling the most because most of the times no one loves them and needs them anymore.
Good bless to all wounded people ❤
To clarify old people are generally not needed the way younger aged people are but they are usually still loved
Not if they don't have any friends or family members
Excellent discrimination between fear and terror.
I also agree with the hair on point comment. Though irrelevant, true.
thank you for telling the brutal truth professor.
The shackles of the taskmaster. The false self... The chance to escape. I think that is courageous realism to try to heal under the weight of one's false self. It's sad, but courageous to know and fate oneself like that. Yes?
Having a borderline abusive parent, I want to escape but I cant, I am suffering
Talking from personal experience, you're going to need help from others. A good therapist that can help you with you're own boundaries and recognise when you are hurting not only yourself but others by allowing your mother's narrative into yourself.
It's been wonderful to feel my own self take over when I hear my mum's voice coming out of my mouth and then I can listen to what the person in front of me is actually saying. It's freeing from what I was stuck in. The fear of others is gone. A good therapist that helps you learn to trust your own self and ignore the inner critical parent that has been installed in you will probably help relax you to trust yourself.
But this is just my own experience going no contact and giving myself space and allowing myself to hear myself again. They often do not like it when you are assertive and set boundaries.
@@tally551 Yep healing starts when you moved away- I cant move away. Even the therapist says therapy isnt fully effective if I remain in the toxic environment
@@gwnbw yes I have to agree with that. I ended up under a care team for years and one of the first things they did was move me out of my parents home. Then years of therapy later I could finally go no contact. It's not easy because of how controlling they are. Mine was covert. She uses other people. I still love her. But I don't want her abusive love anymore. At least with my dad we can agree to disagree because he knows I will walk away. It's difficult when you live in each other's space because the parents might not allow you to become an adult in your own right. And I moved back into their space after moving out for university and working as well. But I also had a lot of support in that time to get through that semi adult phase. Then I was put back in that weird unhealthy dynamic. Not healthy or helpful for healing. You need a space you can call your own and make into your own. Your own retreat to heal in basically.
What is the reason you cannot leave?
Me too.
Wow! I really enjoyed this video Mr. Vaknin. I learned a lot from this one.
Love your descriptives.
After getting new job and new home. Mortification was the first thing i searched for. The result was hilarious. My sister is taking very powerfull antidepressant now 😂😂😂. I no longer have attachement so do not be surprised by my reaction.
Narcissistic Mortification is like sunlight to a vampire. same thing happens
I love that analogy!!
My ex-narc had one of his adult temper tantrums when working on someone's house and his nephew told him to back up away from the house, so what did he do, he was going to floor it and instead he ran right into the house totalling his vehicle . He broke his leg and was confronted with his temper and mortified I think because he had a breakdown and acted weird for over a year and my daughter said he cried all the time for months. When with me 27 years ago with me in the vehicle someone was driving too slow for him and he said watch this and he purposely ran into the back of the person's vehicle on purpose and told me to shut up when the lady told him to follow her to the police station. I wonder if he is worse than a narcissist.
Oh dear, I shudder to think how many of us reading this can relate here. I know I sure can. I liked the, "watch this"....before plowing into the woman who wasn´t going fast enough.
What a tool. Definitely he had an ego problem. Hopefully you got away!! He sounds like a covert narc. Some people claim they are worse than a narcissist. But if you’ve ever tried to live with or near a psychopath….. 😂. No comparison.
The intimate partner, in their relationship with the narcissist takes on many narcissistic traits themselves. I believe I have heard you say as much. Does the discard with the accompanying pain, self recriminations and shame, also qualify as mortification but of the intimate partner? If so it presents itself as a portal back to the self and a life with reality testing, so maybe it's positive.
Only narcissists can be mortified.
Narcissists don't appear to like mortification as far as I can tell. If they're mortified, they collapse. If they collapse, they might commit suicide, or at least become profoundly depressed.
I don't agree at all. Besides, they can, and often do, become violent.
Now that I have decided to end this nightmare, I know that this horrible man knows that this time is for real!!!! I suffer very much, but this decision will give me the chance to start a real mental and physical recovery for me.
But I can tell, that I was the perfect victim of this horrendous man, and he abused so much of my lack of love that I feel...
It's really really sad, how abusive he was with me.
But no more!!
Gracias Sam, I am just next to all your marvelous talks and lectures.
From Mexico City.
I'm going through recovery, would you like me to share some things that worked for me?
I could have written your exact words. It’s a complete nightmare that we must wake up from and get out of to save our soul.
I would appreciate some pointers from your recovery journey. @@camelotenglishtuition6394
Sam I've noticed you don't have your Dr title on your amazon bio like other authors in the space.
Worth updating! Those letters give customers confidence.
All there is needed to confide in this man, is his evident, remarkably and superlative intelligence! One has only to listen to his words to see how trusworthy Sam is!
I love this perspective
❤I know so much through your videos . I absolutely love your content of truth and learning.
Thank you 🙏
merci !!!!
Awesome 👏🏼 thanks
It's kind of fun (and easy to do). All you have to do is say something true at just the right time and their entire system shuts down, even if just for a few minutes. As fast as they can lie, at that moment they have no idea what do say.
Could you please speak in your future videos about women who stalk other women.
Why would a heterosexual woman stalk another heterosexual woman?
How common is this type of stalking?
How to protect your self from a woman who stalks,uses false accusations,public humiliation,smear campaign and serial mobbing from every work place all done by proxy.
How does a woman who is a dark tetrad behave?
How would a woman behave if she is a dark pentagram personality?
Thank you, Professor!
You are very good!
Impresionante, un huracán de conocimiento, muchas gracias
Wow! This is amazing, complicated and has me questioning my self concept.My family is narcissistic. They do not have the ability to empathize. I am the scapegoat but I think I have or (had)some narcissistic traits. After a happy and successful marriage. I’m widowed and after nine years I became instantly attracted to someone inappropriate but he made it clear immediately he was not attracted to me at all. I need to process this with a therapist. I am doing better but still somewhat obsessed and I don’t want to be.
Hello Sam
Im curious. I am convinced I was married to a narcissist and that I mortified him. He has never been diagnosed but all his actions tell me he is. 1st, the uncanny valley feeling people get from him, me included (but I made the HUGE mistake of ignoring when we met), the triabgulation, projection, cheating ( all of it). I caught him cheating with a married woman he works with. I thru him out, filed for divorce and told him I was going to tell everyone what a loser he was. At this point, I rejected 3 hoovers. First thing he did was stalk me. Showed up at my house, driving by at all hours. I blocked him on everything and told him all communication was to go thru attorneys. Now to the mortification (I think): he called our daughter 1st. He told her he had been awake for days ( could not sleep), was trembling uncontrollably, sweating, racing mind, no focus, depressed. My daughter called me and asked me to call him (she thought he was suicidal), so I called him. He told me everyone at work was looking at him funny and talking about him, mocking him. He said my family thinks he is a loser. He was crying non stop. He said he was breaking down and he believes it had something to do with his childhood. He started to talk about being a young child and a male neighbor coming over and giving him a beer (at this point I stopped him and told him to call a proffesionsl), he had incestous sex acts with his sister, etc, etc. I was compassionate and supportive toward him in the conversation. The next day, I get an email blaming me for all of the problems. He was literally trying to manufacture anything to make me responsible. Totally raging. I did not accept the charges and countered his email with the truthful story and pointed out to him every defect he has. The other woman ended the relationship when this all happened.
He started to work non stop and I believe thats how he got his supply. Since this all happened, he has pulled it back together and he has been in 3 relationships in 9 months. Newest being a younger woman with 4 kids. Moving in together after 3 months of dating. In this video, you say once a mortification happens, the narcissist may introspect and use this to get help, because once it happens, he knows somethings wrong. I don't see this. It may have made him wiser, sneakier, more deceptive, but not trying to resolve the core problem he has. He is 55 and to this day tries to cast me as the bad guy (from my kids). Do you believe the need to get mortified is a cycle that never ends? Does the whole process of lovebomb, Devalue, discard cycle faster?
Great video.
I know this wasn't for me, but these people will never heal. Sadly. There is no hope for them.
His sharing may constitute an act of intimacy for which he feels ashamed and guilty by default, leading him to later disown it. The sex acts shouldn't be attributed to narcissism or frowned upon, as the opprobrium tied to them is a culturally bound societal artefact. Sam has many videos on this.
@@Lepsaeus
Umm, if your in a committed marital relationship and both parties believe it is a monogamous situation, it does matter. Society approves of multiple partner promiscuity, as long as everyone is playing by the same rules. Cheating is a situation where there are 3 people in a game, but one person does not know they are playing. A classic narcissitic ploy.
@@jeanmaloney7818 I assumed the thing with his sis happened before you got into a relationship. Cheating is, by definition, unfair, so I concur.
@@Lepsaeusyes, his sister and him messed around when they were younger. But she was 7 years older, so very destructive.
I wonder if there is a correlation between narcissism and autoimmune disorders, systemic cancers/medical disorders due to the pent up energy and self hatred?
Search my main channel.
Can't integrate the shadow.
Dr. Vaknin, would psychotropic drugs minimize or decrease symptoms of mortification/narc collapse. Or medication will only help stabilize mood but still will go into mortification/collapse?
Search the therapies playlist on my main channel.
I pointed out to A Narcissist i know, that the only reason he gets so many Women is because of what he's got on offer. As in a materialistic item he has to give these women who are quing up for him. (Read between the lines)
I think my honest observation wounded his very essence of what he thinks he is and why.
He hasn't spoke to me or answered my texts messages since i said this flippant , yet perspective comment of why he has the ability/goods to lure these women in.
Two weeks now not heard a thing 🤣 so true this video.
Why are there so many in the world? Walking among us.
Did you cut your nails today? Love them.
The depth of my consciousness causes me to suffer! is it a blessing or is it a curse to feel everything so very deeply?
What do YOU think..?
Is setting boundaries a mortification?
no
NOT. PAYING. ATTENTION. 24/7. IS😂
@@loyoladeleon6115 isn't it to set a boundary when you are "not paying attention" or @moonliightbae say "no" to his demands?
@@ShaareiZoharDaas rather, I think they do not understand boundaries. They really do not see you, they only see their fantasy of you so they decide how you are, and their fantasy obviously has no boundaries. This is probably the reason why they cannot respect. They just simply do not understand or hear what you say.
@@yeshetsogyalling neither tbh, mortification is more extreme than this, things like humiliation in public, cheating, discarding without them expecting it first - these are things that induce mortification
What is your advise for people that cant escape the cycle of abuse and have to deal with it, maybe still for 3 years or longer? Since I can't get a place of my own, my parent is very limiting and controling, she is pushing and pulling, I already have plans to prioritize meditation and live as simple as possible, as the smallest things are really difficult for me- feeling low energy and high anxiety levels.
Get out, by any means. These people will steal your soul and dance on your grave. God saved me from the situation you were in(thankfully less than 3 years), prayer helps massively. God bless you. Reminder: you're a wonderful person, worthy of love and respect. Get ... out
Don’t share yourself with them, nothing ..separate yourself from them as much as possible in the house and in your mind. Don’t give them any access to your inner world. Ever.
@@tanyaanderson144 and pray, these things are demonic
Similar situation mine puls out the worst in me like she wants me to go in rage and than she is in control.Every attempt to set bounderys is mindefeald.For now work is my escape time and trying to make plan to exit for good.Its all so stressful and it's hard to carry all that heavy emotions all the time.Good luck to you I hope we get out and have better life than this becouse this is nightmare.Btw I was manipulated to help to buy apartment and now Im usles .So thay only think about thamselfs it's time we do the same.
@@chiliart8056 I feel really sorry for you. I know what it's like to be in the house with these things. It sounds odd, but get yourself a bible, read. Fill yourself with positivity and pray. It's my real belief that these people are demons under the surface.
I'm really curious about disordered (narcissists, psychopaths) men from Cuba. They seem like a special kind of narcissist (or psychopath). Are they also traumitized by the Castro regime? This would be in addition to their communist family. For the person I'm curious about, his father ranked highly in the military. They were well off financially.
Not all of it is trauma. Some people are born this way, however scary/unjust that may be.
You look younger. Don’t see as much gray.i need your youth serum.
Video old 👍👍
Dear mr Vaknin, here u say with retraumatasation and mortification there is a chance of healing. Most of the time u reference that narcissm isnt healeble. How does these statements fit togerher?
Watch the cold therapy playlist.
@@nothingnessnonarcissism i andersrand the approach and know the Videos but imagine me as an more autistic one. So i have Statements of healeble and absolutly non healeble. This is hard contradicting.
Nice hair ;)
Salvadore Dale's mind😂
Are they inclined to be suicidal due to their disposition ?
Search my main channel.
where is the father?
Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist on my main channel.
Interesting. So it was mortification I felt