Chatterbox 11 - Modelling and Mental Health
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- čas přidán 8. 04. 2024
- Chatterbox is a new format for me in which I do just that - chat! There will be mini reviews and things of use, comment on new stuff, and probably old, reactions to comments on the videos etc etc.
In this instalment I chat about the recent lack of updates on the channel and the reasons why.
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I agree with your comments fully Jen. I went through a “combined phase” of loosing my dad to cancer, then trying to look after my mum who sadly went with the same thing 3 yrs back now. All that while working from home full time. Shortly after loosing mum my company (worked for them for just short of 43 yrs) bullied me out of my job by trying to move my location from home based Swindon to birmingham. All this on my isn as i am single and lived at home all my life with my folks.
Some days are easier than others but its basically only my cats that keep me having a reason to get up in the morning.
That is why i struggle with my modelling which i had planned to get 100% once i retired, but forced retirement has curtailed any interests i have, for me its “i’ll do it tomorrow” but tomorrow comes and goes.
I really feel for you and wish you well Jen.
IMC have announced a new group build so i am going to do my best to join in with that.
Take care of yourself.
Tony
Hello Tony
I can fully relate to your situation, and the only advice and experience i can offer is, that time works for, and with you, and that makes you a little stronger day by day, even if i know it does not fell like that. I hope you will find a little spark of modeling passion and join IMC group build.
Happy to hear that your cats keeps you going, cats are some of the best friends.
Take care of yourself and the cats
Lars
That sucks Tony. Thanks for telling us your tale, it's good to talk!
Much love, thought, support, empathy, understanding, but above all, the very best wishes for your speedy return to hail and hearty, Jen. You are *SUCH* an inspiration and provide oh so much information, entertainment, a wealth of your vast knowledge and consummate experience to us all, interspersed with no small measure of your hugely endearing self-deprecating great humour and indomitable spirit and enthusiasm for all matters modelling related. In the words of a lovely and highly accomplished lady … “look after YOURSELF”, Jen. And please do not be putting any pressure on yourself to be continuing with builds or putting out your HUGELY appreciated videos when you don’t feel up to it. We’re not going anywhere and will all still be here hanging on your every posting - whenever and however frequently (or otherwise) that may be. Much love, and please be sure to keep looking after THE number one !!! You are … “Simply The Best’ ❤️❤️
I started modelling again in 2023. In that year I completed one model and started another, the first 3 months of this year again I did none.
I had a simple day surgery in 2022 which then proceeded to do its best to kill me.
In theatre they gave me a massive MRSA infection which turned to septic arthritis and then necrotising fasciitis and destroyed my knee joint.
It took 4 weeks in isolation, (my wife is disabled and could only get here every 3-4 days) in hospital with oral antibiotics and 5 Iv antibiotic drips a day. The veins in my hands and elbows were destroyed so I had a line from my upper arm directly to my heart and this stayed in for another 3 weeks at home. Additionally they recommended a epidural so I went with that and the stupid buggers caught my spinal cord. I have little sensation in the sole of my right foot which is spreading up my leg and the left foot is slowly following suit. Great stuff.
Since then I’ve had 3 further surgeries preparing me for a full knee replacement. I live downstairs and hardly go out, I can’t walk far and use morphine lots of morphine to reduce the pain it never goes away.
When I was in hospital in isolation I began to notice I was waking up from drug induced dozing and talking to the shadows on the wal, my room had no tv and bandwidth was so poor I couldn’t stream a video.
It was my wife noting my depression suggested I have the dining room and table for my modelling and the utility room for spraying.
My modelling is limited by the pain of sitting usually An hour a day max. None of the pain is really high.
Even with that small amount it’s really helped me with my sanity as it gives me a purpose rather than lying on a hospital bed in our living room.
My knee replacement was supposed to be yesterday but after all the admission tests and blood taken to cross match, they cancelled my surgery as they hadn’t got the results of my pre op tests.
This hit me particularly hard as for the last 6 months I have lived with the knowledge that my new knee may not get much use. The surgery is dangerous and the trauma of the surgery has a strong chance of bringing out the infection and killing me.
I’d psyched myself up for this for the last few months and then to be hit with the news that 30 minutes before my surgery was due to start, it got cancelled.was a massive blow yesterday. I’ve never felt so low as now.
I hope to spray primer today on my current kit which I started last September but did nothing from Christmas to March
The long and the short of it is that modelling for me is a great boost, and until the pain rises I can actually forget it’s there for a blissful short time.m
I understand modelling is not for all but it has helped my sanity greatly, and as I’ll likely never work again, will continue to do so.
Even writing this has helped me up from the deep deep low of yesterday. I’ve got a new date 6 weeks away, so am going to have to psyche myself up again and I get to see and play with one of my grandchildren next week.
I hope you Jen find a way to help and also every one else with mental health issues.
It takes courage to own up to this but for many it helps to talk, if it can’t be family the the relative anonymity of social media helps as well.
Sorry it’s a long post but I feel a bit lighter I’m my heart and need to climb back up for May 21.
Bless you , always helps to share .
No need to apologise Mark, and thankyou for sharing. I think all of us can take something from posts like this. It does help to talk, and I think it should help to see the posts in this thread - we are not alone!
Totally agree.
The worst thing you can do is distract yourself with model making if you have issues.
Problems need to be confronted with therapy and your support group.
Short term pain for long term happiness.
Then the model making becomes far more enjoyable and not some crutch.
Stay safe, well and strong Jen, your calm and measured approach is an inspiration.
I have depression. I've gone through hell in the last few years. But things have improved. Stay strong and well.
And to you
You hit the nail on the head, Jen. I’ve been in those places and experienced the same loss of spark. For me the answer is to go with the flow, do whatever I think I may need to in the moment - do nothing if needs be. No point adding more stress to an already stressful moment. Eventually, the spark to model returns. I look at that as my ship righting itself and coming back on course. Be well, Jen. 😅
Completely agree with your sentiments Ron, and Jen's current situation. I'm in the middle of a four month lack of the" right state of mind" to build anything. Patiently waiting for the Tide to turn. 👍
@@deanmaguire6701 may things get better for you soon. Hang in there Dean. 🍀
I like that, I might steal it lol
Nice to see you back, I’ve suffered with depression most of my life on and off, you are right it never really leaves you. My modelling certainly helps me with my mental health, but it’s true if my mood is really bad I cannot do it. I hope you feel better soon.
Great to see you back Jen. All the best and stay strong.
I started writing a long load of waffle, but I hope it's enough to say best wishes, and to put your sign-off back to you.
Thank you so much for sharing this Jen.
I have been struggling with crippling anxiety and depression on and off for years now (ever since a bout of PTSD) and the cost has been enormous.
Building models is fun in principal and I start a lot of them, do a lot of mental builds, planning, dry fitting, a little fettling, ( I love ordering the aftermarket bits) and occasionally dive right in. But I start to get so focused on the tiniest of errors that actually finishing a kit can be agony. So I read, I work out, I cook, anything to avoid finishing.
Geez eh?
I really don't have much advice for any fellow sufferers; maintain a basic routine, eat a healthy diet, make your bed, shower etc. And talk to your friends, a therapist whatever gets you through. Enjoy the small things, and for me, I try to switch my thinking from "must do" to "like to".
All my best, thanks so much for sharing,
Gord from Canada
All good advice, and thankyou for sharing. I know that one, getting bogged down in minutiae, it's a difficult one to get past as well...
When I seperated from my wife of 15 years I was so depressed that I stopped modelling for six months. It was hard to get back into it.
Jen I cant begin to tell you how much that resonates with me. Hope your safe and getting the support you need.
We are happy to see you back - take your time and take care. We will be here when you are ready to give us the benefit of your expertise!
Bless you Jen , hope you are OK ? Yes things do leave a mark . My wife had the same problem , anti depressants are good - but not if you are trying to hold down a job as well .Modelling is like Zen , it's creating your vision of the world , that you are in control of .( Particularly our model rail chums , who have understood this for years .)
Jen, very brave of your to let us know what you are going through. Keep on your therapy path and it's a good thing that you are talking about what your are going through. It takes the power out of your pain to a certain extent. What causes much of anxiety is fear. Therapy helps you get in touch with the personal fear that you are going through. For years I was fearful of what might happen in the future, or worried that something bad is going to happen. Before I got into therapy, I didn't even know that my anxiety was driven by fear and I wasn't even touch with that. Therapy helped me get in touch with this. I learned that I have no control over what happens now or in the future and I live a day at a time and make a gratitude list of the gifts I have received in life. I don't worry about bad things happening to me because more than likely, I'll be fine. If something bad happens, I will just deal with it.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Clearly it resonates with others, including me.
Good to see you back, and I hope that the good days start to outnumber the not-so-good days soon.
Not built a kit in 14 months, can't focus on a model atm, 62 this year and feeling my age, I hope you can get back to the bench when your ready to do so, not forcing it is the best way.
Take care of what's important to you Jen, we all need some down time.
Hope your OK Jen. Keep your chin up and keep up your excellent work and channel. Best wishes. Lee.
Hi Jen, sorry to hear youve been feeling blah. Dont forget M4H are always here for you.
Good to hear from you again hang in there there have been times I can relate build models because you what to not because you have to I very much look forward to anything you release do things on your time frame I sincerely hope things continue to get better for you😊
Everyone is different, and everyone needs to be allowed to have their own way of handling times like this. You come first, and we'll be here when you're ready.
Hi Jen. I was only thinking about you a couple of days ago, wondering how you were etc. It’s good to see you back. In regard to your narrative in this video all I’ll say is “ditto, me too”.😉 You look after yourself Jen, you’re never alone. Not suggesting you are by the way, but… well, ya know. 👊🏻😉
Just a hug.
Back in the saddle💪🏼💪🏼
I hit a wall too. I’ve tried to finish my one model a month goal but it’s turned into multiple DNFs. I have a closet full of model kits and I can’t muster the desire to finish or even start them. Well at least I’ll save$😀
It's not something with a one size fits all solution. And for that reason it's near impossible to get good help.
Over time we find out what "tools" work for us individually. Its never easy. But things wont beat us 💪🥇
good on you jen for delivering an honest and intelligent astute and open video. well done. i hope everything gets better and better for you.
Hear Hear
Hang in there Gal, wer'e with you!
I hope you find your way back to the joy soon Jen.
I thought it was just me, but I can sit at my modelling table and nothing registers and just can't be bothered.
Thanks for sharing with us, I feel for you. In a phrase from NewZealand Kia Kaha {Be Strong) and look after number one
Cheers Philip
Kia Kaha, thankyou
Hi chick, i am with you on this. After 4 major breakdows, i fmhave been ready to go for suicid as an altenative. I had a bad thing happen in my life not of me fault. And it it caused me to lose the spark to do it. You may haf giver me a reaso to start again. I hope so. Keep well and keep going. Love your content and your persona
Bless you, and thankyou for the lovely comment
Gaming takes me away and isn't as demanding as building models when the energy and motivation isn't really there. I play first person shooters for the most part. And also, truck simulation and flight simulation. Take care ❤
You wanna find peace? Find a small body of water grab a fishing pole, regardless if you catch anything just sit there and let the day take you another place,it works for me, and breaking our the kits and paint works too!!!!!
Do not force anything... (Although that Swordfish was a darn good subject for a build review.)
And please don't buy more kits. 🙂
You'll end up having a stash like mine. I.e. unfeasibly large...
Good to hear from you!
please take care of yourself first. thats the most important part.
Ahh well I thought I hadn't seen anything from you for a while, I was going to ask if you where okay in comments, wish I had now. hope things get better
I know wot you mean Jen haven't touch a kit in 3 months not even got the motivation to do anything even go a ride out on the motorbike I suffer with really bad health related anxiety and panic attacks got diagnosed with ptsd now am suffering with lack off motivation and bad depression so know we're your coming from some times it's hard to get through the day at times
Keep going HT, it'll work itself out eventually!
Yea slowly getting there hell of alot better than I used to be did you say you got a motorbike if your ever in the Midlands give me a shout
What happened to G-IRTY?
G-IRTY is a very long term project, I'll only be posting videos infrequently, but they will come