The Healing Words Daddyless Daughters Need to Embrace | Oprah's Lifeclass | Oprah Winfrey Network

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  • čas přidán 20. 07. 2013
  • Relationship expert Iyanla Vanzant says that in order to move on from the pain of not having a father, women need to acknowledge one simple phrase: "Daddy gone." From there, Iyanla says, women need to give up the story they've been telling themselves about the past and take responsibility for the next chapter of their lives. Find out how to do this-and forgive in the process. For more on #lifeclass, visit bit.ly/1nPCfuF
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Komentáře • 344

  • @zionadore5397
    @zionadore5397 Před 7 lety +258

    It's natural for humans or every child to long for something that is missing in their lives. But sometimes the absence of these men can be a blessing in disguise because of abuse and hovac they can cause.

    • @AskNieRe
      @AskNieRe Před 3 lety +5

      That's exactly how I perceive it. I didn't like it but I'm glad I didn't have to continue to experience certain things that he was bringing to the home dynamic.

    • @SARASARA-jh6jo
      @SARASARA-jh6jo Před 3 lety +1

      True

    • @millier.206
      @millier.206 Před 2 lety +1

      That’s what I keep telling myself

    • @imdavid4875
      @imdavid4875 Před 2 lety

      it's havoc not hovac and lol im laughing.,. sounds like something else.,.

  • @khadijafulan8308
    @khadijafulan8308 Před 5 lety +142

    Please, don’t forget about us who actually had a present father in our lives but are still struggling with Daddy issues. Due to the many incapabilities our fathers had in order to actually be a father. Some of us only had a flesh as a father, and never recieved any humanity or love from them.

    • @Deenique16
      @Deenique16 Před 3 lety +4

      This video still applies to us

    • @mysticempress5879
      @mysticempress5879 Před rokem

      Your experience is soooo what I have experienced this should be spoken about more

    • @kulera
      @kulera Před rokem

      You had a father but not a dad.

    • @Themsbeatlesrock
      @Themsbeatlesrock Před rokem

      Yep, lotta married single mothers out there. It’s tough for a daughter to see their parents in that situation. Lotta anger especially cuz your father is right in front of u and u wanna scream at him to stop being a deadbeat but he doesn’t respect his daughters or his wife so he just laughs it away. A lot of the times the mother in this situation also grew up fatherless and doesn’t know any better and will side with the father instead of daughters. It’s sad

    • @MandisaVXuba
      @MandisaVXuba Před 4 měsíci

      @@kulera 😭😭😭😭 SOOOO ACURATE!!

  • @AlanaGurl
    @AlanaGurl Před 6 lety +635

    It easier said than done. I can say "Daddy gone", but my heart still says "why didn't he want me?". It's a sad thing. No humor in it for me.

    • @debbiewilder5664
      @debbiewilder5664 Před 6 lety +50

      Ang Jo I'm sure it had nothing to do with you never does the child is innocent he was probably just selfish wanted to have no responsibilities and have fun that's the norm

    • @TheGlejjd
      @TheGlejjd Před 6 lety +30

      Same. But we got to be stronger, sister!

    • @Star-hk6gc
      @Star-hk6gc Před 6 lety +11

      :( I’m sorry

    • @Tabaitha_Elle
      @Tabaitha_Elle Před 6 lety +56

      Had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

    • @drichmondperrykellyiverson2210
      @drichmondperrykellyiverson2210 Před 6 lety +2

      It's Tabaitha , 🗣"EXACTLY!!"
      MY DAD was a 'WELL KNOWN' SINGER/MUSICIAN, BACK in THE DAY, (that even had '18' GIRLFRIENDS at ONE TIME), 🙄😲😵😵😵😵, SO, THERE 'WOULD HAVE' BEEN
      👉 '15' OF US KIDS, (THAT WE KNOW ABOUT), THAT IS, 🙄
      👉BY '14' DIFFERENT WOMEN, (INSTEAD OF '12' of us 👉BY '12' DIFFERENT WOMEN)! BTW, LOOK UP MY DAD'S COUSIN, (THE RENOWNED: DANCER/ACTRESS/SINGER/MODEL,
      #PAULA #KELLY), MY DAD'S COUSIN! ;-) HIS BROTHER is THE 'LATE' BISHOP KELLY!
      LET ME HUSH, (CUZ I LIKE being 'IN-COG-NEGRO', #FREE #TO #COMMENT FREELY, WITHOUT MY FAMILY 'SNOOPIN', THAT IS!' 😉😏 LMBBO!! 😹😹😹😹

  • @strethy
    @strethy Před 6 lety +283

    I am a daddyless daughter, even though my dad was in physically in the home, he was emotionally aggressive towards our mother, volatile and used his masculinity for intimidation, and so i could never form any kind of emotional connection to him

    • @thecelestialauntie
      @thecelestialauntie Před 6 lety +53

      strethy Mine TOO......he was physically there but, he was too engulfed in his own mess that made him useless. So sometimes a father being present is just as toxic.

    • @Kelstar77
      @Kelstar77 Před 6 lety +28

      So true if a father doesn’t meet the emotional needs and be present in what’s is happening in your life it’s just as Damaging as not having one at all and all you do is constantly seek validation

    • @preciousbaptiste
      @preciousbaptiste Před 5 lety +1

      Share the same sentiments
      ..

    • @diniciaweekes2096
      @diniciaweekes2096 Před 5 lety +1

      Penny same here

    • @user-qs9qt8mo3c
      @user-qs9qt8mo3c Před 4 lety +1

      @@thecelestialauntie yes

  • @megane617
    @megane617 Před 4 lety +106

    When you had your dad around physically, but emotionally, he neglected and abandoned you.

  • @queenmaz7nomusa411
    @queenmaz7nomusa411 Před 4 lety +66

    1:20 "Somebody's mother didn't check her son to go handle his business"
    PERIODT

  • @takiaab3
    @takiaab3 Před 9 lety +232

    Daddy gone...and to say that still hurts. My father has tried to reconnect, but it's difficult for me, because he is not the father I wished I had or even the daddy I remember.

    • @aminasunshyne3042
      @aminasunshyne3042 Před 6 lety +5

      "Overcoming Dad issues" is a support group on Facebook where you can share your story and meet others who share a similar story. If your on Facebook feel free to join!

    • @suras8984
      @suras8984 Před 5 lety +9

      Even if you reconnect and think youve forgiven him... it doesn't heal you deep enough. At least for me; I still attract men who leave me or emotionally unavailable.

    • @itsyagirlniv3093
      @itsyagirlniv3093 Před 5 lety +2

      If your father is still living, please connect with him. My father is dead and he’s not coming back so I will never be able to fill that void! I hurt in my marriage And socially.

    • @mumiyumi7554
      @mumiyumi7554 Před 5 lety +1

      I’m living with the same feeling and it’s hard to change those feelings. When I saw your comment it rang so true for me.

    • @komphortampadu9985
      @komphortampadu9985 Před 4 lety +3

      He tried to reconnect ryt.. Give him the chance

  • @peace4all928
    @peace4all928 Před 9 lety +29

    Daddy Gone forever. He died 10 years ago. I never had the relationship that I hoped and wished for with him. I released all the hurt and pain because at the end of the day.....Daddy Gone. R.I.P. Daddy. without you there would be no me and for that I am thankful

  • @SuperTruthful
    @SuperTruthful Před 10 lety +45

    check your sons! Is so right!

  • @audfosutv2500
    @audfosutv2500 Před 6 lety +30

    Daddy gone....a stark, but a very real truth for so many of us. Time to continue the journey of healing✨🙏 and not repeat the patterns of dysfunction within our own families.

  • @juliarobinson3350
    @juliarobinson3350 Před 5 lety +36

    Daddy gone. Absent father. It is what it is.

    • @NovatheDawn
      @NovatheDawn Před 4 lety +1

      Julia Robinson I really felt that. you are me. I am you.

  • @flowerpink33
    @flowerpink33 Před 9 lety +61

    More women and men need to watch this

  • @MsBlackscorpion1
    @MsBlackscorpion1 Před 10 lety +56

    DADDY GONE SO I'M GONNA MOVE ON

    • @PriyankaGupta-ew1li
      @PriyankaGupta-ew1li Před 3 lety +1

      😑😝

    • @newme572
      @newme572 Před 3 lety

      Mannn I wish my mom did with me when I was little and my father went to jail instead of crying myself to sleep!! Baby daddy Gone!

  • @aneikapinto2000
    @aneikapinto2000 Před 4 lety +10

    I have no earthly father. But let me tell u I tell myself that I have a father in heaven an I am a daughter of a king. God is my father

  • @totallyrave53
    @totallyrave53 Před 5 lety +28

    I am a daddyless daughter I knew my father but he was in and out of my life and I never was able to develop a relationship with him I didn’t grow up knowing how a man was suppose to treat me because I didn’t have my father there to show me and guide me daddy gone but it’s ok because I am teaching healing guiding and loving myself at 27 years old letting go of past hurts and moving on with my life to have an amazing future 🙌🏽

  • @OliviaMmmm
    @OliviaMmmm Před 6 lety +66

    1:22 blaming women for not doing enough.
    Men aren't ever made to feel guilty as a gender for not teaching their daughters enough about how to be better mothers, because our mothers and/or fellow women do this by passing the knowledge and wisdom on. Mother's shouldn't be made to feel guilty for not teaching boys how to be good fathers, men are responsible for passing this knowledge and wisdom down to each other. We need to stop placing blame on women for not doing enough of men's work. Society needs men and women to step up more now and be better role models, to share the wisdom and knowledge we have gained through from our roles in life.

    • @victoriamd9078
      @victoriamd9078 Před 2 lety +1

      I highly agree

    • @cieragadson1430
      @cieragadson1430 Před 2 lety

      Exactly.

    • @millier.206
      @millier.206 Před 2 lety +3

      My dad was one of many children raised by two great parents. Sometimes the blame and responsibility is on the actual absent parent. The other children did not abandon their children, just my father.

    • @minathemystic
      @minathemystic Před 2 lety

      I highly agree with this as well.

  • @1951kvk
    @1951kvk Před 9 lety +52

    My father didn't want children so he was there physically when he wasn't drinking and sleeping around. I feel my brother and I would have been better off without him, period.

  • @RodneyDodson
    @RodneyDodson Před 3 lety +8

    It's true that especially right now it's much tougher to have a good upbringing without two parents, having a lot to do with The Cost of Living. But I liked Jody Fosters response to "did it effect your life in anyway, not having a father?" She said, I didn't know another way, and so it didn't effect me. She learned other languages, went to Harvard, became extremely wealthy and successful. Because she didn't take something like that to a Dark Place. I think often times, when society tells us that we should feel terrible about a circumstance in our life, we tend to make it terrible.

  • @SaturnPhase
    @SaturnPhase Před 4 lety +10

    Oprah, hush! Always trying to correct someone's grammar like they're illiterate XD. But on a serious note, I told myself Daddy gone when I was a child, and It's helped me avoid a lot of pitfalls and negative experiences in my life.

  • @nerocentric
    @nerocentric Před 11 lety +67

    @1:22 puts the blame back on women. Men also need to check their sons; but, first they need to set the example.

    • @OliviaMmmm
      @OliviaMmmm Před 6 lety

      nerocentric right on.

    • @Kelstar77
      @Kelstar77 Před 6 lety +1

      Yes because they end up angry men and women just like their bitter mothers as well as hurt by not have a present father

    • @Audridittlenumba2
      @Audridittlenumba2 Před 4 lety

      Yes baby yes

  • @simoneymone89
    @simoneymone89 Před 11 lety +6

    I think forgiving yourself is key. Often times we allow ppl to hurt us daddies, boyfriends, moms, brothers and we do not deal with the unresolved pain so we act out in ugly dirty ways. Forgive yourself for what their offense did to you and how you believed it to be true. Love yourself.

  • @jerseymasilo1008
    @jerseymasilo1008 Před 5 lety +6

    My cousin told me this the day we buried my dad. The words still haunt me. It was a truth I just wasn't ready to digest. I still cry today, remembering his words, to me it felt like he was killing him all over again. He said " daddy is no more, daddy is gone"

  • @Thewondersofgreatnes
    @Thewondersofgreatnes Před 10 lety +46

    My father left over 10 years ago. i do not know where he is or if he is even alive, I do not carry his name and have lost my entire half of my family. AT 17 this affects me every single day of my life and causes me great pain that i hope to heal from each day. EVERY girl needs a daddy!

    • @peaceandlove544
      @peaceandlove544 Před 7 lety

      Tania Talks I am so sorry for that, I hope your well, all my love and peace to you and to your father that in such inner conflict he left without keeping in touch and doing his present job

    • @cubalakeland
      @cubalakeland Před 7 lety

      You are my sister from a different mother. Hope to speak to you soon , Maria

    • @aminasunshyne3042
      @aminasunshyne3042 Před 6 lety

      "Overcoming Dad issues" is a support group on Facebook where you can share your story and meet others who share a similar story. If your on Facebook feel free to join!

  • @kristinadaubney2068
    @kristinadaubney2068 Před 5 lety +10

    Daddy Gone 😃 Plain and Simple I like it! My Daddyless story is so long I like this so much better.

  • @livefreeallways
    @livefreeallways Před 5 lety +9

    A lot of us without fathers. It's about their ability or inability to give love. They can only love at the level they are at. In other words the way your father treated you has everything to do with him.

  • @CherylMuir
    @CherylMuir Před 3 lety +4

    Iyanla is brilliant. Injecting humour into it, and making it succinct. She's right! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • @AshleyMintz
    @AshleyMintz Před 7 lety +62

    "Daddy Gone" lol... :(

  • @PyoreBliss
    @PyoreBliss Před 10 lety +25

    I am a fatherless daughter, but I can't say "Daddy Gone". My father didn't leave, he was pushed away and never told about me or that I might be his. How do I move on and heal? My father never got a chance to be a Daddy to me (not to mention I'm still not positive who my BioDad is). Following these steps, I can get my story down to a few words, but to say Daddy Gone, for me, would be a lie.
    This was a great lesson though.

    • @japrox1
      @japrox1 Před 9 lety +9

      No, it wouldn't be a lie because your daddy WAS gone for most of your life. You're still living the fantasy of thinking that if your father knew about you he would come back. You can heal by owning your truth, that your father is gone and he may never come back. Then you can start forgiving yourself and live your life the way you want to live it. Don't forget forgiving means letting go of what could have been with your daddy if only he wasn't pushed away or the fantasy.

    • @legaleagle7427
      @legaleagle7427 Před 6 lety +3

      My mother laid down with a married man. She set me up to be a fatherless daughter before I was even born. Daddy gone and my Momma's a ho. Now what?

    • @drichmondperrykellyiverson2210
      @drichmondperrykellyiverson2210 Před 6 lety +1

      Legal Eagle , *UPDATE, 2-3-19, MY DAD, (a singing MUSICIAN, that had HIS OWN SINGING group), made HISTORY IN ILLINOIS, 'HOWEVER', HE PUT MUSIC in FRONT of me, AND HIS OTHER SLEW of KIDS 🗣️(SO, I HAVEN'T SEEN him since I WAS 8 years OLD), 👉🏾45 YEARS ago, 🗣️AND SOME of MY SIBLINGS I HAVE YET to MEET, (INCLUDING MY BROTHER that JUST PASSED AWAY about 4 MONTHS ago)‼️😩😩 🗣️ MY DAD 'FINALLY' GOT SAVED, (AND I DON'T see 👉🏾THE ARROGANCE, 👉🏾AND NARCISSISM that USED TO PLAGUE him, PRIOR TO THAT)! 🤔😎🤗
      🗣️SO, NOW I BELIEVE that IT'S SAFE to SAY that I (HAVE) 'TRULY' FORGIVEN him, (ONCE, AND FOR ALL)!
      I MEAN, 🗣️MY dad had 👉🏾'18' GIRLFRIENDS (@ ONE TIME), AND HE 'USED' TO LAUGH ABOUT HOW 'SNEAKY' he 'WAS', 🗣️"HAVING '6' GIRLFRIENDS ON THE SAME STREET ‼️ SO, I WAS LIKE, "UGGGHHH, 🗣️ IT I 'CAN'T' TRUST my OWN DAD, THAT 'SIRED' ME, 👉🏾THEN
      (I 'CAN'T' trust ANY OTHER man)!"
      NOW I'm A LITTLE MORE trusting! 😉🤣🤣
      "ULTIMATELY, MY DAD 'WAS' MARRIED 'about' 8 TIMES ‼️😱😱😬 I CALLED HIM "THE MALE Elizabeth TAYLOR"‼️🤣🤣🤣
      SO, 'KNOWING' HOW HE 'WAS', MY TRUST level WAS "SLIM 👉🏾 TO NONE, (BECAUSE of 'KNOWING' of HIS 'SNEAKY' WAYS, THAT HE TOLD me ABOUT, BACK in THE DAY) ‼️‼️"
      EVEN when it came to 👉🏾 MY DAD, I BARELY trusted ANY MAN, AND often WONDERED, OK, 🗣️"WHEN WILL
      👉🏾 YOU MESS UP, AND ACT a FOOL?!?!"
      🗣️ NOW, MY HEART 'IS' MORE RECEPTIVE, 👉🏾(SINCE I 'CAN' SEE THE CHANCE in HIM), THAT IS! HE EVEN APOLOGIZED to MY MOTHER for BEING "a 'BAAAD' FATHER, 'AND' HUSBAND‼️" THE OLD person THAT HE 'WAS', 🗣️(HORRIBLE), 🤣🤣 would have NEVERRR done THAT ‼️‼️ 😉
      🗣️ SO, (NOW) I 'CAN' SEND him 'HEARTFELT' FATHER'S DAY CARDS, 👉🏾(INSTEAD of ALWAYS 'WITTY' ONES, JOKING about HOW 'OLD' HE IS)! 🤣🤣🤣😉
      🗣️"AND, HONESTLY, IT 'FEELS' GOOD to 'FINALLY' have THAT WEIGHT, (&/OR BURDEN) 'OFF' my SHOULDERS, (CUZ THAT HURT 👉🏾'NO ONE 'CAN', AND/OR 'SHOULD' have TO 'CARRY'), CUZ #STRESS #HURTS, ( #AND #CAN #KILL #you)‼️"
      🗣️"AND #UNFORGIVENESS #is #LIKE #CANCER ‼️"😬😬😬
      🗣️"JESUS SAID FORGIVE OTHERS if you 'EXPECT' to BE FORGIVEN of GOD, OUR FATHER ‼️" *PARAPHRASING* 😉
      I'm sorry to READ THAT! 'HOWEVER', I 'SEE' that 'ALL' of THE BLAME is DIRECTED toward
      👉 YOUR MOM!
      2 QUESTIONS: #1). Did your daddy SEDUCE your MOTHER, OR, 2), Did YOUR MOTHER 'KNOW' that HE WAS A 'MARRIED' MAN when THEY 'FIRST' MET)?? 🤔 Cuz 'SOME' married men
      'WILL', (& OFTENTIMES, 'DO' LIE about their MARITAL STATUS), YA KNOW...JS.
      "WHATEVER the 'REASON', DEAR HEART, 👉YOU 'HAVE' to 'FIND' a WAY to FORGIVE the BOTH of them, BECAUSE 👉YOU, (THE INNOCENT PARTY in ALL of this), ARE 'CARRYING' a (HEAVY) 'LOAD' that (SHOULD HAVE) 'NEVER' become 👉YOURS!
      And, I, (for ONE), 'AM' SORRY to 'HEAR' that!
      GBU, (& I HOPE, & PRAY),
      🙇🙏 that, 👉BY NOW, you HAVE, 👉(&/OR 'WILL')
      " #GIVE #IT
      👉#TO #JESUS, #AND #FORGIVE #them, #HEAL, #AND #FIND #JOY #in #YOUR ' #NEW' #LIFE!"
      "TAKE CARE!" 🙋🚶🚶🚶
      SIGNED: "MENDING FENCES with MY DADDY, 'HOWEVER', 🗣( #THE #LORD #HAS #ALWAYS #been #MY #FATHER)!!"
      🙌😄😄😎🗣"I 'AM' #VICTORIOUS 👉( #THRU #CHRIST, #JESUS)!!" 🙆😄😄🗣SO, " #YOU, #TOO
      ' #CAN' #OVERCOME, TRUST ME!!" 😄 GBU!!🙇🙏

    • @innerpowerup
      @innerpowerup Před 5 lety +1

      This is a major component of why a lot of children are fatherless but it's hardly addressed.

    • @jg0037
      @jg0037 Před 4 lety

      @N Mil
      U hit it right on the nail.

  • @anoopgopalakrishnan7823
    @anoopgopalakrishnan7823 Před 2 lety +4

    I am a man I had the male version of this pain! Thank God that I've healed myself from all this trauma!

  • @rosenchrige78
    @rosenchrige78 Před 7 lety +125

    Lol "daddy gone.."..daddy was never there, just bread crumbs thrown here and there and a little girl grasping for each and every one,lol.

    • @ShadowsMasquerade
      @ShadowsMasquerade Před 7 lety +9

      I feel you. My dad is here, physically here. But he's not HERE, ya know? Not emotionally. There's nothing there.

    • @TheGlejjd
      @TheGlejjd Před 6 lety

      Same

    • @vfree4579
      @vfree4579 Před 6 lety +3

      rosenchrige tipsie I understand crumbs I'm 55 years old and I have accepting crumbs all my life I forgive myself and crumbs is the exact thing that I have accepted being without a father daddy gone

    • @kyleyakich3800
      @kyleyakich3800 Před 4 lety

      Yes

    • @StarSurvivor1585
      @StarSurvivor1585 Před 3 lety

      GURLLLL YESSSS

  • @Lwhit1231
    @Lwhit1231 Před 10 lety +23

    I am a daddyless daughter!!! Daddy gone

    • @ahumanjustbeing2466
      @ahumanjustbeing2466 Před 6 lety +4

      La Out Loud
      I have a 4 yr old step gr.dgtr and she doesn't have a dad...she told us she wanted one...so I became "Dad" instead of my previous title of "Pops"... so one day she just started calling me Dad(btw...I don't have nor ever wanted kids)....but u know what
      there's no way I would ever stop or "correct" her...her self esteem is too important to me to do that to her...just wanted to share that with u

    • @vfree4579
      @vfree4579 Před 6 lety

      a Human just Being that's a beautiful story God bless you man of God

  • @konmari7511
    @konmari7511 Před 8 lety +42

    daddy gone. i told the story at least he didn't do wrong by abusing me, like my mother.
    i compensated and have hidden it to work hard, act strong, hide all my feelings (the sad ones, and the happy ones), till i was very depressed. I feel lonely, desperate/unsupported and a distrust to all man (i know that's unfair).
    the truth is DADDY GONE.

    • @TheGlejjd
      @TheGlejjd Před 6 lety +1

      Konmari you are not alone!

    • @terryhazelett2105
      @terryhazelett2105 Před 6 lety +1

      You are not alone and I hope you have a lot of strong females in your life. My female friends have always held me together in bad times.

    • @tgrant2273
      @tgrant2273 Před 5 lety

      I hope that you are doing better now..

  • @hoodpriestessphilosophy7669

    Daddy gone. He passed away twenty years ago and I only forgave him this past year. ♥

  • @kellyupshaw6598
    @kellyupshaw6598 Před 5 lety +41

    Daddy wasn't $h*t and STILL isn't!. Cut him off. No contact!

  • @NeoNeoza
    @NeoNeoza Před 7 lety +6

    daddy gone. RIP daddy

  • @JENNY_OCEAN
    @JENNY_OCEAN Před 4 lety +3

    She's absolutely brilliant and charming and HIGHLY effective.

  • @favoredfabulousone
    @favoredfabulousone Před 10 lety +12

    Works all-day Daddy GONE!!!

  • @user-yc9wi4jg7z
    @user-yc9wi4jg7z Před 5 lety +21

    Daddy gone sounds deep within. Daddy is gone may be correct but doesnt have the same emotion. Lol. Many people needed to hear the message and thats what is important. Love how these two women interact great minds.

  • @mercyluka614
    @mercyluka614 Před 3 lety +3

    19 years I've heard everything but i still have a hole in my heart. I came here for comfort so this is not funny for me.

  • @PaolaHuezo
    @PaolaHuezo Před 4 lety +5

    My dad left my mom when she was pregnant, but I live with a peace of mind without a father. I never had a father figure and a very toxic relationship with my mother that I still work on healing that pain with no other family involvement. Many years of pain, but I honestly am so happy I grew up without a father. Wouldn’t be who I am today and I couldn’t love myself who I fought so hard to be.

  • @CoffeeTalkJazzRadio
    @CoffeeTalkJazzRadio Před 7 lety +2

    This show was everything I needed it! What a revelation Daddy Gone!!! Get your Life!!!!!

  • @rembeadgc
    @rembeadgc Před 3 lety

    So powerful is the injured and unguided mind which leaves a wake of damage in it's path. But even more powerful is the renewed and spirit guided mind, bringing life and grace to all it encounters.

  • @vic21ld
    @vic21ld Před 4 lety +6

    The fact that I'm not alone and it's actually a pretty common problem makes me sad. Damn... They are so irresponsible :/

  • @queenmaz7nomusa411
    @queenmaz7nomusa411 Před 4 lety +5

    I hate him. I honestly truly hate him.
    I hate him because I love him, but that wasn't enough to ever make him love me back
    And it kills me

  • @slimsxyblkwoman
    @slimsxyblkwoman Před 11 lety +3

    I love this subject matter and its time we deal and heal. Thank you Oprah and Iyanla. By the way, I love both Iyanla's and Oprah's hair. Its good to see more black women wearing their natural hair.

  • @carababe284
    @carababe284 Před 7 lety +20

    I just started dating in almost 10 years and the man said to be why are you paranoid. I was angry and decided to listen to iyanla: my truth is "daddy gone" and I have abandonment issues so I am looking at him leaving. I always leave before the guys do, stayed away for 10 years because am scared of heartbreak. How do I deal with this because I am in love with this one and don't want to lose him.

    • @AuthorJanaeMarie
      @AuthorJanaeMarie Před 7 lety +9

      Patience Ikas Haha! I'm kind of the opposite. I kind of cling to guys. Aw especially the bad ones. I'm a work in progress.

    • @carababe284
      @carababe284 Před 7 lety +6

      @Janae Marie, I pray for strength for you. Just know that we are our sisters keeper. You need to vent, send a message, I will respond

    • @NeoNeoza
      @NeoNeoza Před 7 lety +8

      I am the combination of you two if the guy is attentive i become detached , dont want to be too attached. if the guy is detached i latch on and become clingy.

    • @CallmeQuayZ
      @CallmeQuayZ Před 7 lety +2

      +Neo Neoza I can relate

    • @aminasunshyne3042
      @aminasunshyne3042 Před 6 lety +2

      I too face abandonment issues and fear dating due to those issues. I started a facebook support group... "Overcoming Dad issues" is a support group on Facebook where you can share your story and meet others who share a similar story. If your on Facebook feel free to join!

  • @leilasabita6283
    @leilasabita6283 Před 6 lety +10

    I love Oprah and Iyanla, and I greatly appreciate the work that they do. But a problem that I see with a lot of these kinds of videos is that there is too much focus on women needing to change..as if there's always something wrong with a female's perspective or behavior. Let's put some attention on why some men do hurtful
    things..even to people that they love. The focus shouldn't always be the "victims" but also the "abuser/abandoner".

    • @kmc1994
      @kmc1994 Před 4 lety +1

      I agree. This comment should have more likes. The message I hear is "they're going to do what they're going to do, leave them be, forgive them and forgive yourself" but we need to focus on men's behavior more and hold them accountable so this STOPS and we don't have to keep pin balling back and forth between getting hurt and healing ourselves (and somehow it's always, we asked for that hurt or should have seen it coming). Damn! Women are supposed to be and do all things huh? Wtf are men here for? What does forgiveness look like for them and what kinds of ways do they heal from trauma so it doesnt affect the next person and/or women negatively???
      Cause from what I see they can do anything they want and not even have to apologize for it....

    • @suras8984
      @suras8984 Před 4 lety +1

      @Leila Sabita....the thing is we actually want something different for ourselves for our future kids. As "victims" we are willing to change what we need to to get better outcomes for our lives. Most dead beats do not care to change until their kids are grown; then they want forgiveness.

    • @KeishaCharmaine
      @KeishaCharmaine Před rokem

      This is just a 5min clip but you can never put too much focus on us needing to change our perspectives because that’s the ONLY thing we can control. We can’t control anyone else. Since we’re talking about healing, nobody else can heal us. We have to heal ourselves. The only way is by changing our own perspectives.

  • @taureanspiritualgoddess4449

    Thank you God for this message I needed to hear this

  • @BeccaL2016
    @BeccaL2016 Před 5 lety +2

    To me it’s the expectations and comparisons. When I had so many expectations of my father, I had much more disappointments. Now I have zero expectations, I feel released! It doesn’t sound normal in the heathy family. But it’s a good thing to do in such abnormal settings.. and never compare yourself with others who have nice family. We are not victims, because of it, we become stronger than any others. We need to turn negetive into the positives. Our parents mess it up, but it doesn’t mean our life has to be messy!!!

    • @PrettyINCs
      @PrettyINCs Před 3 lety

      Our negatives are just negatives. We don’t need to turn it into a positive, and it doesn’t make us stronger, it just gives extra steps to overcome. Sugar coating it is no better than wallowing in the negativity. I like the idea of no expectations. That is simply accepting things as they are and as they come. Acknowledging the good and the bad. We just need strategies for coping with the bad.

  • @AuthorJanaeMarie
    @AuthorJanaeMarie Před 7 lety +30

    My father committed suicide when I was 8 months old. So I never knew him.

    • @AshleyMintz
      @AshleyMintz Před 7 lety +12

      So sorry to hear that :(

    • @AuthorJanaeMarie
      @AuthorJanaeMarie Před 7 lety +12

      Ashley Mintz Thanks. It's ok. It still hurts although I'm an adult. But hey. I survive. Have a nice day sweetie!

    • @drichmondperrykellyiverson2210
      @drichmondperrykellyiverson2210 Před 6 lety

      Author Janae Marie , "Sorry TO HEAR that, (AND, YES, YOU 'SURE' DID)!!"😄😄 #THANK #GOD!! 🙌😄😎

    • @pamelawilliams2470
      @pamelawilliams2470 Před 6 lety +2

      Author Janae Marie I don't know you but you have a hug

    • @aliciashafer2257
      @aliciashafer2257 Před 5 lety +1

      My father committed suicide as well and I never got to meet him. I don’t even have a picture.

  • @anoopg7006
    @anoopg7006 Před 3 lety +1

    To clarify
    1. Notice where in your body you feel the sensation of pain or discomfort. And tell how that feels. Give that feeling a sound.. Utter it.. Let that feeling have a sound.
    2. While continuing to notice, tell the truth of what you feel.
    3. Focus on the energy or the emotion of the story. Not the story itself. When you find yourself getting carried away by the pain of the story, shift your attention to the "energy"/"feeling" "underneath" the story. What you wanna work with is the intense feelings/energy of emotions "underneath" the story not the story itself.
    Healing is not about changing the story. Healing is working with the energy underneath the story and "transforming" that energy by feeling, accepting and compassionately loving that energy. In doing so, the energy naturally transforms and you are freed from the suffering.
    Also, remember- Your pain is in your body not in your mind. Work with the body. Work with energy beneath story not the story itself.

  • @ytnoni01
    @ytnoni01 Před 2 lety

    Daddy gone; however, Daddy was here in my whole life. Daddy died at 81 and I miss him. He was not perfect but he left me some gems.

  • @denisesmith4986
    @denisesmith4986 Před 11 lety +2

    Amazing show. I told the story, and owned my part now lets move on cuz daddy gone

  • @hedgealarme8085
    @hedgealarme8085 Před 10 lety +2

    Wow..this time I can agree with Oprah...she helped clarify step 1 from Iyana said....but I think step2 before 1 is just as good as long as both are done

  • @Julienna
    @Julienna Před 4 lety +1

    What if the daddy was there physically but not mentally? When he saw my mother abusing me and did not do anything to protect me? He took me on trips, we did sports, travelled a lot but he never cared about my inner feelings, he never intervened when my mother was saying / doing ugly things to me. He just left, went to his room, closed the door and put the music louder. Than after the toxic mother-speech was over and I was crying, sad, depressed, sometimes he came to me and suggest to play some card games for children. But he had never spoken to me about what was happening and he still does not want to talk about it. Please, no feelings. We just play a card game or go biking or swimming... I grew up thinking I am worthless, for mum and for the dad as well. Im almost 40 and I have almost none relationship with my father. I dont want to have a formal relationship, Im not interested anymore. My mother abused my sister as well, on the other hand she also had always shown much love to her as well, so my sis is not so damaged like I am. She does not feel my pain. My mom use to tell me Im ugly cause I look very much like my dad and his mom. Im not ugly actually. But I believed it for many years. I thought nobody would love me, so I spent 2 years in abusive relationship saying to myself I should be grateful for this man for loving me. I disconnected from my mom for a few years which helped me to realize how worth I am and now Im in really loving relationship with my man for 3,5 years already. But there are still times I cry and re-live my toxic childhood asking, was I really that worthless?

  • @christianmwabukusi8132
    @christianmwabukusi8132 Před 4 měsíci

    Human nature is not made out of baseless words! Honour God, Obey His Word and live fruitful

  • @Cleanwhitebeige95
    @Cleanwhitebeige95 Před 4 lety +1

    My dad has passed away and I can never d er get over it !!! I literally try to find men who look like him !! Ughhh this is my life

  • @karaledwaba817
    @karaledwaba817 Před 10 lety +10

    DADDY GONE!

  • @jum4ngie
    @jum4ngie Před 3 lety +1

    Oprah asking to put a verb in there is why Oprah is Oprah 🤣

  • @adriennetynes4064
    @adriennetynes4064 Před 2 lety

    Daddy Gone is excellent. What truly is correct grammer. Nothing but something 🤔 so.eone created. Understand the process of what she's teaching. Shes very intelligent but real and that is what people relate to.💖 peace & love to all.

  • @zeynand4039
    @zeynand4039 Před 6 lety +2

    I used to compensate for my father not being here. Being a substitute parent to my siblings. My mum slapped ne straight about this when I was 15 and i feel like i started my life at 15 because of it.

  • @RoalDeePR
    @RoalDeePR Před 11 lety +7

    I feel really sad and discounted that this topic totally disregarded those Mommyless daughters, even the mothers who are alive or in the their daughters lifes. Those mothers who abuses, abused, are emotional unattached, sexually abuse their daughters. Those girls who when they don't have their fathers, neither have their Nurtures!

    • @aminahlashe
      @aminahlashe Před 3 lety +2

      This seminar was about fatherless daughters. That’s what it is. That doesn’t dismiss motherless daughters. This specific seminar was for this specific topic.

  • @GSP__
    @GSP__ Před 5 lety +1

    I see my own dad like an object

  • @Star-hk6gc
    @Star-hk6gc Před 6 lety +1

    I am raising my granddaughter. She’s been with me 5 years. Her dad voluntarily gave up his rights 3 years ago. She is 11. She lives the daddy fantasy. Makes pictures with him in them, talks about when she still lived with him. I don’t say anything negative. I know this is her way of coping. But I worry and wonder if I should be saying certain things to help her deal with this now while she is young.

    • @suras8984
      @suras8984 Před 5 lety

      yes you should...and maybe ask a professional how you can help her process this so that she doesnt internalize the abandonment. And maybe push her dad to see her no matter how much of a deusche bag he is.

    • @kmc1994
      @kmc1994 Před 4 lety

      Your son?

  • @LilyB793
    @LilyB793 Před 11 lety

    I wish I could watch the Oprah episodes repeatedly.

  • @avacaza7851
    @avacaza7851 Před 5 lety

    Here as a PARENTLESS woman. 💔 in was abused everyday of my first 19 years of life. Nearly 2 decades.

  • @fraziersworld3701
    @fraziersworld3701 Před 5 lety +8

    This breaks my heart because my daughter and sons dad is not in there life worry how it's going to affect them in the future.

    • @suras8984
      @suras8984 Před 4 lety

      It affects everyone differently. I have been unable to form any committed relationships. Usually end up with someone who has no time for me and it doesnt last. My brother ended up having a child with his longtime girlfriend and who upon breaking up has done everything in her power to keep him away from his child. So he essentially subconciously recreated the childhood he had for his own daughter.Now his daughter doesnt get to see her father. He has fought heaven and earth to see her.

  • @acumenstand
    @acumenstand Před 3 lety

    And we are guilty of what we told ourselves.. yes

  • @cegee77cg
    @cegee77cg Před 10 lety

    PREACHING IN NYC...
    Some how I don't buy the people that always need a crutch in life, & R always needing to blame someone for everything they do wrong...The brother said it plain, "What does that have to do with yr life now? :-) Thanks for seeking to help, & may God continue to richly bless you...Minister CG.

  • @Queenin365
    @Queenin365 Před 7 lety +12

    Daddy gone.

  • @iamravenclinique
    @iamravenclinique Před rokem

    i need to see this entire episode

  • @sedecim
    @sedecim Před 4 lety

    I didn't find it problematic growing up with out a father. But I did find the freedom to shape myself as my own man. own

  • @hertherapy
    @hertherapy Před 3 lety

    Daddy is is gone because he's not feeling good.
    Prayerfully daddy shows up.🙏

  • @-uniqueamari
    @-uniqueamari Před 2 lety

    Thank you🙏🏿

  • @katedaley8974
    @katedaley8974 Před 2 lety

    I’d give anything to have my dad back but he died of a terminal illness when I was a child. We would both love to be with each other but it was beyond both our control.

  • @aminahlashe
    @aminahlashe Před 3 lety

    That part about mother’s enabling their sons

  • @QueenAusetHeru
    @QueenAusetHeru Před 7 měsíci

    Brilliant! Daddy gone! ❤

  • @victoriamd9078
    @victoriamd9078 Před 2 lety +1

    Victim blaming? Never
    Healing absolutely

  • @yagirlnebs
    @yagirlnebs Před rokem

    Where can we watch the full video of this?

  • @highlyfavored4595
    @highlyfavored4595 Před 4 lety

    That man is RIGHT...moms check your sons! One of my sons have 2 daughters that was adopted out by their mom, because our son would not come back to her, so she was able to tell the courts that he was not their dad, just someone who was helping her and they went on with the adoption process. He found out this after it was all said and done. He was hurt by it and felt betrayed that she would do something like that. He said it was the last thing that he thought she would ever thought about doing! We have been trying for years to find them, and let the courts know that this was all done without his knowledge! His dad and I told him that if he had been what he was suppose to have been from the beginning, he would not be in this situation, and we would have our grandchildren! I pray everyday that the older girl would search for us and find us. We have been in our same location, they can find us, but we can't find them! GOD SEND THEM TO US; USE SOCIAL MEDIA IF YOU HAVE TO. IN JESUS' NAME, I PRAY; AMEN!

  • @ghendry7925
    @ghendry7925 Před 5 lety

    Amazing

  • @peterlovington8952
    @peterlovington8952 Před 2 lety

    Let's also talk to the fatherless sons

  • @gabrielaxmful
    @gabrielaxmful Před 11 lety +1

    Daddy gone, I was so inspired until Daddy Gone, cant stop laughing...

  • @titilopeatteh7006
    @titilopeatteh7006 Před 2 lety

    Well, Daddy gone.
    He back now though
    I wish he wasn't, he brought all the pain back with him and he's not better
    He still jumping in n out, reopening healed wounds.

  • @BeastinOnLife
    @BeastinOnLife Před 9 lety +5

    Daddy gone and life was great because he was here.

  • @CherylMuir
    @CherylMuir Před 3 lety +1

    "Daddy gone. So what? Now what?" 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • @aarmenar2358
    @aarmenar2358 Před rokem

    Amen. Wow.

  • @amichelleist
    @amichelleist Před 8 lety

    I really did not make up any stories about my farther. I thought he was selfish and mean. I can be selfish and mean so I felt like I inherited his traits. I have since forgiven him and I hope he will change his heart toward me. I hope my farther will eventually rekindle our daddy/daughtership.

  • @nathalieduverna6963
    @nathalieduverna6963 Před rokem

    Own your 🕊️ peace

  • @hairrus7278
    @hairrus7278 Před 4 lety +2

    Truth is, a lot of those daddy's were already married to someone else. That's why you have so many daddyless daughters and sons. Tell the real truth Iyanla.

  • @hopewasham2326
    @hopewasham2326 Před 3 lety

    Wow!

  • @npraoxx
    @npraoxx Před 4 lety +1

    My dad is gone because he didn’t care about his health enough to think about how his death would affect my whole family’s lives forever

  • @sabrina.natalie
    @sabrina.natalie Před 3 lety

    Side Note: at 2:30 when Geoffrey Canada started speaking, I realized he looks a lot like Michael Johnson. (The American Olympic Sprinter with the gold shoes! ✨)

  • @Beezy421
    @Beezy421 Před 6 lety +1

    Simply saying daddy gone is not enough. Yea he’s gone but it doesn’t stop you from wanting him there. Or having a void. Is anyone giving any of this advice “daddyless”?

  • @YUNGLALA132
    @YUNGLALA132 Před 7 lety

    I ain't gonna say "Daddy gone" but my father wasn't even around almost 5 years ago however a year ago I just seen him at my sister's wedding but it just that I didn't communicate with him like I used to but I know he ain't forgot about me but what it's stops me is my little sister (with a different mom) and my parents are not together that causes me have anger and rage and I hate that feeling .

  • @curtistinemiller1560
    @curtistinemiller1560 Před 5 lety +6

    What is a Daddy?.Who He?

  • @sweetie5870
    @sweetie5870 Před 7 lety

    I want to tell my story about my experience as an "outside child." No one talks about it. I am willing.

  • @_simply_beeh_
    @_simply_beeh_ Před 3 lety

    I am a daddyless daughter and really hey daddy gone 🥺

  • @mz.brittney934
    @mz.brittney934 Před 2 lety

    I remember this when I had to admit my father into rehab for the 3rd time after I lost my 3rd job chasing behind him.

  • @erikacoria5836
    @erikacoria5836 Před 3 lety

    Daddy gone. This part belongs to me now.