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Tara ill be honest with you, im suspicious 🤔 of this so called "cow" who edits your videos, you fail to produce said cow 🐄 🤔 therefore until I actually see this cow sitting on a desk editing your video than I will not believe it.
You are nothing more than a self entitled cow, if someone hates children it's fine. It is always better to look at EVERYTHING, analyse how you REALLY feel and don't ignore things that are a red flag for you when thinking about having children. Like how noisy, whiny, messy, expensive, time consuming, germ spreading and self entitled they are not to mention how they add to the cost of living going up and how they damage the environment. They will also come with their own issues and you have enough of your own without having to deal with someone else's issues, that and the tax payer having to pay out for a child they didn't create is nothing more than taking the piss. It also encourages people to have them simply for the benefit money and so they don't contribute anything to society, which also leaves them open to neglect among other things.
same, I recommended my mom to check out some of the creator that I really like videos and she said well I don't really think that I need that information... I gave up
I’m child free, and children being little people is actually one of the biggest reasons why I’m child free. I know that I don’t have the capacity to take care of a child and I would never want to give someone less than they need. I know what that’s like myself, and it would absolutely break my heart to continue that cycle on someone else.
Yep. My sensory issues and my trauma wont make a good parent. And itd be highly unfair to subject a child to my... Uh less than stellar days. Which is most if not all of them. I dont like kids. I hate how loud they are. But I will forever fight against people who harm or push for the abse of children
As an early childhood educator, I have mad respect for people with your perspective. If someone doesn't want kids or doesn't like interacting with them, not having children is absolutely the best decision!
ugh as a childcare professional I see so, so many people who don't have the skills to raise little people so it's refreshing to see someone self aware enough to realize it. parenting really isn't for everyone, but society pushes people so hard towards it that they just go along with it regardless if they actually really want to
One thing I wanna add is that EVERY experience is, to a child, completely new. When a child scrapes their knee, it is quite literally the worst pain they've experienced in their life. Most times they're never over reacting. To them, a hill looks like a mountain because they've never seen one before.
That's not exactly true. Some kids have scraped their knee many times BUT I totally agree with the idea of respecting the kid's feelings. It's absolutely ridiculous and toxic to say things like "he just wants attention" or "she's overdramatic" Even kids who are overacting to get attention are simply doing it to get a psychological need met. It means they aren't being heard (usually by parents or caretakers) until they take it to an extreme. The only way to handle that kind of situation is to hear the kid and respect their feelings, not ignore them or dismiss them Kids in that situation will usually respond by deescalating their emotions over time, as they learn as they learn they will be heard
@@MaxOakland my point here is saying "if a kid has never EVER been hurt before, a scraped knee is literally the worst pain they've ever experienced, because they haven't felt pain before" but otherwise, you're completely right
I can hate kids if I want to. It doesn’t mean I want to kill them or hurt them. I just don’t want to hear your kid scream and see you smother them in kisses while they misbehave. Have your kid learn how to act in many spaces then bring them. Take them to places appropriate for them like a play park or a kiddy restaurant. Don’t bring your unremarkable lump to an expensive restaurant. Have respect for adults and stop putting the most useless members of society on a pedestal. Kids aren’t special and having one is even less special.
I was out at the library with my 5 year old nanny kid. She’s working on “inside voices” and regulating her volume. We were in the kids’ section. She said one thing slightly too loud, because she was excited. She quickly remembered, and said, quietly, “oh! Inside voice!” And repeated her sentence quieter. A woman in maybe her late twenties left the adjoining mystery section, came over to us, looked directly at her, and said “you need to behave better in public, or you’re not going to have any friends”. Then she looked at me, and said, “this is why I hate kids. Why would you bring her somewhere you know she’s going to be a nuisance?” My NK might not understand exactly what “nuisance” means, but she sure understands “I hate kids” and the tone of voice. She was subdued and quiet for the next few hours, not like herself at all. It was heartbreaking. I don’t care if you don’t like kids very much, or don’t want kids. Just please, don’t be a dick to kids. They’re learning how to be people! They’ll get it eventually!
And she’s going to remember that moment for the rest of her life, I guarantee it. “You’re never going to have any friends” is going to replay in her head in every social interaction, even if she’s not fully aware of it. I would have had a hard time resisting the urge to deck that lady on the spot lol.
Although I don’t have much experience with kids ( I was the younger one until my cousin was born a few years ago) and sometimes I find them annoying, I never blame them for certain behaviours. My cousin, for example, acts out and treats people who take care of her as servants. But that comes entirely from her family. She has her good moments and can show care and love, but was raised spoiled and got all the attention she needed by screaming and hitting. I am actually sorry for her, she might even have an attention disorder or something. But as exhausting as it can be, she deserves love and understanding
I'm so sorry you had this experience. A 5- year old should be allowed inside a library. Some kids love books. I can't believe someone would be that irritated just because she said one sentence loud. I'm childfree but love kids (not all but definitely the well behaved ones) especially little girls who often remind me of my childhood.
The “kids are resilient” and “they won’t remember” responses to mistreatment of children really riles me up. I’ve been in trauma therapy for years to address things that the adults around me didn’t think were a big deal for a small child to experience. And that trauma has affected my adult friendships, my work life, and my dating life. If people would like the adults in their life to be healthy, stable people, then they need to treat children (who grow up to be adults!) with respect and care.
This. Absolutely. I'm currently in therapy and it's shocking how many "habits" I learned because I was emotionally neglected as a child (still am now as a 28 year old haha). I've always thought I'm the problem since my parents were over all taking care of me and saying they love me because they wanted children so bad, but just wanting them is not enough. Most people I know simply go for it because it's a natural step to have children since society tells us that, but they don't question whether they are ready or even build for it.
I don’t remember much of my childhood but what I do remember mostly was the bad stuff. Primary school was awful to me and I remember all those little comments and looks from the teachers as well.
a lot of things we find “annoying” we have to keep in mind are also just *developmentally regular* and our feelings wont make that change. kids are just still getting a handle on existing and managing their emotions and its also unpleasant for them
But why is my boyfriend's nephew trying to actively harm his baby sister? Why!? I have witnessed him grab her by the head and try to throw her off the couch. If someone does not give him direct attention, he will actively attack the person getting the attention and I was one of them. Explain this!!!
@@FeralFelineFriend those are questions to ask a child psychologist because it really sounds like he needs one ASAP. That sort of violent behavior can be a sign of a serious mental illness and needs to be brought to the attention of a professional.
Yes. Especially when it’s a remark about kids being rowdy, staring at people, saying things with no filter, crying loudly, etc...Because it’s a natural part of development. Kids aren’t born knowing the rules of society, and they have to be the right age before they can even understand the concept of social rules. Little kids express feelings in the rawest form, and how we treat them during that time dictates how they learn to cope with their emotions. And bombarding them with insults and anger only teaches them to bottle everything up inside. They need someone kind and patient to show them healthy ways of coping with strong emotions
The saying "They won't remember what you did but they'll remember how you made them feel" applies double to children. Can I name every instance where an adult figure has made me feel bad or unsafe? No. But I do know the adults I knew it was safe to go to when I needed help and conscious or not, I remembered traits that made me worry about being near the ones I didn’t.
I'm paraphrasing here but I recall in a podcast that "child abuse" wasn't really considered a thing until the 70's because the idea was "they don't remember anything"
My father started being neglectful and abusive when I was a literal infant. When I was growing up it only became worse, I don't remember him being a 'good dad'. I of course can't remember when I was 3 years old and due to the trauma I experienced when I was older, I can't remember much of that time either. I do remember how I felt tho. Constant fear, panic and anxiety that's with me till my adulthood. The fact that we don't remember what our parents did to us doesn't mean we should be treated that way in the first place. I don't want children for multiple reasons but being afraid of turning into my father if I have children is definitely one of them. I just don't want to hurt another innocent human being that will live with the trauma till their last days
I recently talked to my mom about how my dad made me feel when I was younger, which was nothing, since I had no real connection to him. I was surprised that she didn't think I noticed. I'm going to get better now that we do have a connection tho
In the same vein, I just find the treatment of anyone pregnant by both sides of the child stance just gross “I hate kids” folks tend to view them with disgust or reduce their intelligence to “breeder”, while traditionalists reduce them to incubators Both objectify and dehumanise
There's a pregnant girl at my work and all the comments about her make me feel uncomfortable. It's all about her pregnancy. I'm one of the only people there who doesn't have a kid and it is weird sometimes
Then there is people in the middle who tell you to your face that you are a smug, emotional and scared hormonal person, making comments about your body etc "as a joke". When you are just vibing.
Thank you... Speaking from experience, both tend to think they have a right to touch you when pregnant, too. Incubator enthusiasts get all gropey to 'feel the baby'; very gross. Breeder haters are just plain abusive at times. Also very gross, and much ouch. 0/10 would not recommend.
As someone who hates most kids, I do hate the idea of pregnancy, even the word is gross and I find people who are **that**, gross but I think it's because of a phobia.
Child development is something that should be taught. It can really help people grow a lot of empathy for children who aren't "behaving" as they'd like. I'm unlearning a LOT of stuff as I'm raising my son to be an emotionally intelligent person.
as a full time babysitter in manhattan, it always floors me how most adults, and especially the children’s parents, do not see or respect the personhood of their children. they only seem to enjoy children when they are behaving in ways that align with their adult sensibilities, which is a lot to ask of a child who has barely begun to navigate the world. when kids act out, adults don’t ask themselves why the child may feel this way, or try to work with the child to find an amenable solution - they just get frustrated and act like the child’s desires and emotions are wholly unreasonable and purposefully obstructive. I’ve actually had to go down to part-time recently because full-time babysitting was just breaking my heart. kids would often say things to me like “you’re the only person who listens to me” or would have breakdowns right after their parent came home because all of those expectations and the behavioral strictness that they didn’t have to perform throughout the day come crashing back onto them. parents would complain to me that their children would be having more outbursts when i’m not there, and I’ve had to bite my tongue as to not say that the kids rarely have outbursts with me, and they probably have more outbursts with the parents because they now know what being fully respected feels like, and the parents do not afford them that respect in the slightest. kids are just little people learning to navigate the world, and it hurts to see exactly the ways in which they are being broken starting at such young ages. and i’m not able to say much of anything to the adults in their life about it, because parents will accuse me of telling them how to parent. and honestly, I am telling them how to parent to a certain extent, but most parents don’t like to hear that they’re doing a bad job, or even that there are areas in which they could improve. all I can do is make the time I have with the children be as kind and accepting and validating as possible, so that when they are sent back into the harsher world they at least know what it feels like to be loved, respected, and understood - and eventually maybe they’ll be able to ask for those things from the adults in their lives that don’t give it to them.
Wow, you encapsulated my thoughts exactly. I may not be the one awwing and pulling out my phone to take pictures, but when a child is in my care, I want to show them kindness, respect, and affection in the hopes that it would be one of many positive formative experiences that will offer them some cushion and sense of security as they grow up and navigate adulthood. I'm not a proponent of bringing more children into a very broken world, but I believe we should care for and love the ones that are already here. It's unfair how often adults choose to have children for their own sake (ego, vanity, security, purpose), but fail to offer that child healthy guidance because they themselves are wholly unprepared to be this child's everything.
children are precious. the fact that parents can believe their 2 yr old is manipulative and NOT think it would have anything to do with them, the hypocrisy
This is one of the most clear and concise and important things I've read on the internet this month, at least. I think it even got some new perspective on things that happened when I was growing up. Thank you for writing, and thank you so much for caring. You and the kids you take care of deserve better.
This was me in high school. I was a neglected child and had a bunch of younger siblings so I became very aware of how possessive and dismissive parenting can effect little kids, and I’ve just always been very gentle and patient with them. I babysat a ton in high school bc my mom wouldn’t even buy soap or groceries for us once we were old enough to have jobs and bc my family had a lot of work friends who were surgeons who needed A LOT of last minute child care. I’d sit down and let these kids pick out what they wanted to watch or what music they wanted to listen to, I’d play games with them and play with their toys or just play pretend, I’d let them pick what food they wanted to eat within reason and help me prepare it, I’d ask them about school and their friends and what things they liked, I’d let them pick out books and decide if they wanted me to read it to them or just help them with words…. Basically, I treated them like little people and gave them autonomy and attention and let them control the things about their lives that weren’t absolutely critical to their safety and well-being, and they wound up loving it so much I’d get invited to birthday parties bc the kids considered me a friend and asked to come over and just play with the kids while their parents were home but busy. It was both really sweet and really sad to see kids try to cling to me when their actual parents showed up instead of being glad they’re back. IDK, people try to act like kids are possessions or like they should be held to the same standards as adults and it’s like…. But they’re not tho, and acting that way from the point of view of an adult, a parent, is messed up bc you should know better and have power in the situation but you’re using it to crush someone without the capacity to really understand why.
i definitely had a lightbulb moment when i realized that my discomfort around children stemmed from my sensory issues. Yes, i think they're loud and smelly and sticky a lot of the time, which is very overwhelming to me. But i'm an adult now. I get to set boundaries, find healthy coping mechanisms and remove myself from uncomfortable situations. I can take my needs seriously and still show children the respect and warmth that i wish i got as a kid. One of my fave interactions with a kid was when i pretended not to know what minecraft is and asked him to explain it to me. He was so excited that an adult cared about what he liked!
@@yoursnotmine1996 same, also the reason why I can't be around dogs (and some other animals, but mostly dogs since they are everywhere) for long even though I'm a huge animal lover. I get so much hate for this but they are extremely overwhelming to me, I can't help it.
True. Sensory issues mixed with social anxiety. When I interact with children, I feel judged. First, by the child and second, by all the adults around me, first front the parents, of course, who will decide how good and capable a person I am based on how well I can handle the interaction with the child. It stresses me out enourmosly. It actually goes back to when I was a child myself and was left alone with a baby or a toddler (of my parents friends, since I don't have younger siblings). And of course they would start crying and the mother would rush back and comfort them and I felt ashamed and guilty as if I did something wrong or failed a task when maybe the grown ups shouldn't have left me with a small child that couldn't even speak yet in the first place. So yes, the interaction with children and the expectation to act the right way around them gives me stress and sometimes anxiety, but I would never conclude that I hate children. How can you hate someone for having a certain age?
Same here. I hate the fact that a lot of things are loud because my ears can't take the punishment and, sadly, kids tend to be loud. What I normally do is not give two cents of a fuck and cover my ears. If someone asks, I'll just tell them loud noises overwhelm me.
I've always said I disliked children because I disliked the idea of me becoming a parent. I'm wayyyy too impatient, careless, and selfish to care for a child, but I would NEVER be mean or bully a child. I understand that they are people, children who are just trying to grow and learn. In fact, I wish more parents and people treated children like people who have their own feelings and emotions; they're no just robots that do what you want.
Sameeee, I have a lot of little cousins and, even though I don't like being around them, they always follow me around and one of my aunts told me is because I treat them the same way I treat everyone else, so I don't babytalk to them, I just talk normally with them about whatever they wanna talk about
@@abrilmerino6654 Yeah, same here. I generally have a vague dislike towards children, but it doesn't really manifest physically at all, even if my sensorial issues are flaring all the way up (yay neurodivergence). They're tiny humans with personalities of their own and deserve to be treated equally with respect. I listen to their (seemingly) nonsensical ramblings and reply with simple but intriguing questions in return. Besides, I'm someone with considerate hyperactivity and love to run and play with them. They seem to love me for that and it's pretty neat, just like being accepted by the neighborhood street cats. It's kind of a honor to be elected as a "favorite person" by a kid, even if I don't really have a naturally extreme fondness towards them. They deserve the best, because everything they will feel and become generally depends on how well they are going to be treated at this age.
Yeah, same. Im not really suit it become a parent. Im too childish. Irresposible. And yes, i View children as a Person like and still really support their boundaries.
Fundamentally, hating other human beings for existing and/or hating them for having physical, mental, and emotional qualities they have no control over, is wrong. Simple as that.
I dislike all humans, just for kinds of behaviour most of us are predisposed to. I am just asocial. Even in social species there are few asocial individuals. Most of human behaviour is very annoying to me. I prefer to spend 99.9% of time alone. I don't see how that makes me bad or wrong. After all, I also feel those feelings innately, and cannot stop them
@@KateeAngel this comment was about hatred, and you said you just dislike people, that's a bit different. though I guess if you're not an asshole no one can stop you if you truly dislike everyone.... doesn't seem very healthy though.
Ehhh it’s not wrong to hate mentally ill abusers though. They might be doing their best, but they’re still abusive. For kids, certain things are developmentally appropriate, for adults though… we could use programs to teach people how to behave appropriately with other human beings that’s separate from how people are raised (I know it’s unrealistic, just a wish to get adults full matured and emotionally intelligent before they go make other peoples’ lives miserable)
@@ritaantosik6659 why bring mental illness into it? I'm severely mentally ill (mostly because of the abuse ironically) and have been abused by other mentally ill people, but it wasn't the illness that caused it, they still made conscious decisions to be abusive.... it's not like being mentally ill suddenly turns on some sort of switch in your brain that makes you do horrible things, thinking it is is not only ableist but gives abusers an "excuse" for their actions....
Not just adults, but other children as well. As an adult you don't have control of how other adults treat you, but you can always leave the situation. Even a bad job can be walked away from. But as a child I had no option to get away from the toxic job (school) I was at. I didn't matter how much my colleagues (other students) abused me, my bosses (teachers) would do nothing about it and I wasn't allowed to quit.
@@LikeTheProphet believe it or not John Green is actual,y one of my favorite authors. And Anthropocene review is a good book for a person with too much thoughts.
I had a 'I hate kids phase' in my teens and I think it's similar to the pick-me phase in that you think something is expected of you as a woman so you harshly assert that you hate them because you are scared of the expectation of becoming a mother. It doesn't help that the mothers around us often are very stressed and overworked because they still do the majority of the parenting/household while ALSO having a job. Now I absolutely love kids, although I don't want kids of my own.
This- for the longest time I thought I hated kids because no other way of telling people I do not wish to become a mother worked, they always just went "oh you will grow out of it". And I did grow out of projecting my feelings onto kids. I thankfully became aware that I can both like children and do not want to have my own ever.
This is so relatable. I thought I hated children until I started teaching them private music lessons. Children are actually so interesting and smart! They’re capable of having deeper conversations, and a lot of the time, are more open to those conversations because they haven’t been socialized to think it’s weird to just say whatever’s on their mind yet. I still don’t want my own, but I do love working with and talking to children!
I think most women that don’t wanna be moms has experienced this because like you said, societal expectations that are put on you and not the boys in your family and always the ‘you’ll grow out of it talk’, but I think that liking kids and not wanting your own aren’t mutually exclusive, unfortunate that most people don’t see it that way in both the ‘I hate kids crowd’ and ‘how dare you not have kids’ crowd
This is so true, I had the exact same phase in my teens. It wasn't helped by all of the adults around me saying "just wait, when you're older your maternal instinct will kick in"... etc. I'm 25 now and I like kids, I think they're so funny, but there's still no sign of the "maternal instinct" for me!
And when you’re a “good/easy/quiet” kid, you’re ignored. I intend to be child-free the rest of my life and don’t particularly love kids, but whenever I encounter them I try to be a sweet/attentive/encouraging as possible because I remember being their age desperate for anyone to actually acknowledge my needs. It took such a toll on my mental and physical health before even the age of 10 :((
I had the same experience as a kid all the way through adolescence with just being ignored because I was too quiet, which turned into a social anxiety problem, thinking that no one wanted to listen or talk to me because I was annoying, and a self-worth problem because it felt I wasn't good enough to pay attention to. I'm 27 and still dealing with these things. Though I intend the opposite of you. My partner and I can't have biological children, so we're going to adopt and I want to be able to give the parenting to them I didn't get. Same with my desire to be a teacher, since a lot of the being ignored happened in school.
This is exactly how I feel seeing my boyfriend's younger cousins act at their family's house. Both girls tried so hard to not be picked apart by their new mom that they became so quiet and invisible to everyone around them. Everyone praises how good and easy they are, but it never sits well with me because they clearly have asked multiple times for psychological help and no one ever listens. My heart goes for these girls, they deserve so much better.
Gosh, reading these comments makes me want to cry. Idk, maybe there’s just some comfort in knowing that I’m not alone and there are people that went through the same stuff as I did. I’m still tackling issues with social anxiety. I just quit my grocery store job because it was overwhelming and my parents got angry at me for wanting to work in a space with less people/less noise. “How can you expect to not work with people? You’re never going to find a job” “You have to learn to deal with it” I’m planning to speak to my university therapists about this. It’s time I finally seek proper help.
@@parkchimmin7913 There's plenty of jobs that are less socially intensive than retail, like programming, it's the first that comes to mind. You'll still have meetings and perhaps do teamwork, but you don't fully depend on social interactions. I'm a librarian and work in a document center but, when I first got my job, my focus was solemnly on classifying and cataloguing, while my coworkers did all the reference service. They all knew I'm extremely shy and, since it's my first job, knew I needed to build enough confidence before fully committing to the social side of librarianship, so they helped me in this process. In the information era, specially at this point in tech advances, the amount of social interactions needed can be pretty flexible. You can do this, don't let your parents put you down
It's so strange to me the concept of "They won't remember it" they're like specifically the group that will remember everything you do even if subconciously. Children are learning machines. They know so little and as such the brain is always taking in everything to learn and rationalize. It's why they don't have good emotional regulation. It's just crazy.
The only things I agree children wont remember are the lavish birthday parties that some parents throw while you know they havent paid back the debt they owe you! 😂😂😂😂😂
I used to hate kids. I eventually learned that I was actually extremely jealous of them for getting to be kids. I was abused throughout my entire childhood and was deprived of every simple joy and pleasure that those years could have brought me as a wide eyed, innocent girl. Through inner child work and catering to all of the things my little self would have wanted and craved, I see kids as myself, a human being deserving of love and kindness.
I love that for you :) I am wanting to work on that too, but I'm not sure now. I so much want to pursue my interests through the eyes of my inner child.
I've come to understand I'm in the limbo, I know why I dislike being around kids so much, and I know how much my attitude can impact them. But I still can't bring myself to change that, I can't stand even my own nephew. All I can do is try and stay away, and tell him to not bother with me, that I can go get food myself, I can get my own plate in the table, don't need anything. I don't want him to think I don't care. I wish he hadn't been on the brink of diabetes. Wish he was shown the fun of exercise so he would grow as much as he can. That people would have the patience of finding and understanding the way he learns stuff. But, I, just can't. I used to say I hate children, but, it is just an easy way to not show the vulnerability that pushes the narrative. The feeling of envy, the craving that resurfaces. I speak the most about helping and understanding children, even though I myself can't do it, because I know what happens when you don't. I am still trying to overcome this emotion of being just, a placeholder, an anchor to stop my mother from suicide. Not everyone can deal with children, and that is fine. But we should all address the reasons why some people genuinely can't stand them, because if not, our own story of hatred will keep going. And I don't wish these emotions on anyone else, not even the people who've wronged me. I'd just have them become aware, and try and remedy even a bit of what they've done, for others.
@@notatheory4488 the choice is on the hands of the people involved and no one else. You may discuss the ethics of it, but if you're not even gonna feed the child, guarantee them a safe place to grow, then there's nothing you have to do. I wouldn't have the irresponsibility of bringing a child, knowing I don't have the means nor skills to properly raise them, and if it came to be about me, I wouldn't stop my partner from choosing abortion. There's enough orphan children, abandoned children, around the globe, that need even more support. It is fine to say that the fetus deserves to live, because it is true, what has the fetus done wrong? Nothing. What have those abandoned children done wrong to deserve being forgotten in pursue of gaining genetic property? Nothing. Choices have consequences.
we’re only a few generations away from a time when children were expected to obey, stop crying, be seen and not heard. it’s not hard to see where this attitude originates from
And it would be nice to be somewhere in between. When kids are fine about hitting their teachers, we've got some thinking to do about how we parent. Teaching a kid to wait her turn (& no arcades are not somewhere kids routinely go. At least not in the UK) is not adultifying her.
@@annabizaro-doo-dah Yeah, I don't think the women in the video responded well, but you can't just ignore the fact the little girl was being very rude and disrespectful either. If she is old enough that her parents are letting her run around alone, she is absolutely old enough to understand the concept of waiting your turn. And I think the people posing "where are her parents?" Are completely reasonable. Arcades aren't as frequented by child where I live now, but also arcades here suck, like, 90% of the machines are broken, so I think that is a big factor.
@@annabizaro-doo-dah But that wasn’t the point being made about the adultification, so this is an absolute misunderstanding of the point being made by the TikToker. And frankly that’s very irritating to me as a Black woman. Black girls are called aggressive, angry, manipulative, and disruptive rather than loud, distracted, or overwhelmed. She may have been rude and inpatient in the video but that is a CHILD and it is her parents responsibility to teach her to have manners. To consider her “agressive” is clearly an example of adultification because she’s a child half the size of the grown woman claiming the kid was going to attack her. Like let’s put our thinking caps on. Be for real.
@@alicine-sims8988Yes but there’s also no scenario where calling a literal child a “leech” is kind. So frankly, the adults in the video didn’t have many manners either.
I had a kid hating phase in my mid-teens but quickly realized it wasn't that I hated kids, I hated the expecation placed upon me in my culture (as a latin american woman) and resentment at essentially being treated as free childcare to my ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY the moment I started high school.
Exactly! I was raised mormon and I’ve never disliked kids, but the constant expectation for you to be ready and willing to care for other people’s children just because you’re a girl is so fucked.
For me it was seeing my own childishness that I still had. I don't think I ever claimed to 'hate' children - but I certainly found them very irritating, even when I was a child. Now I give them more slack, even if they are sometimes annoying. I don't give the same slack to adults who should know better.
I identify with this!! And I found myself telling people I hated kids because it was the only way they world take me seriously that I didn’t want any of my own. I ended up having a daughter unintentionally and I love her so much it’s indescribable. I think also my disdain for kids was more misplaced from disliking their parents!! Shitty parents are everywhere and you can usually tell based on their kids behavior.
I think a big problem with these people is that they don’t remember what it was like to be a kid. I have a very good memory and so I remember a LOT about my childhood. But as an adult now I find that most of my friends don’t remember as much as I do. I guess it’s hard to understand why children are acting a certain why when you can’t even remember what being a child is like.
Boy do I remember what it was like being a child. NEVER, EVER. Want to relieve that I felt deeply helpless a lot of the time, and like I wasn't able to do anything to keep my family from sinking deeper into poverty But do my friends remember? Not really. All they do is reminisce about high school and the first time they drank But like... I remember high school being the worst times 😆
You said it all, I see the same thing. People my age complaining about the youngest when they did the exact same thing. It annoys me all the time, people tend to forget when it's not beneficial to them. Hypocrites... I remember the good and the bad parts of growing up.. and the age I'm now I'm supposed to have kids, I don't know if I want to have them, though. And a very interesting part: I also remember the entitled kids and their entitled parents, but I also remember the nice kids and the nice parents...
No. We hate kids because we don't want to be encouraged to be a parent. Society constantly pressures us to become parents and raise kids, but some people don't want to have kids. I don't want kids. I want to spend my time and money on what I want. I have dreams to accomplish. I don't want to give that up to rise a kid.
@@desensitizedanalyser5624then why don’t you give all that hatred to the society that pressures you rather than to children who didn’t even ask to be here not wanting to have kids doesn’t give anyone a right to hate children or make it their personality traits because children aren’t the one forcing you that logic is flawed
funniest shit is the grown ass adults who obsess over CHILDREN'S cartoons and then get mad when the fandom is full of kids. ma'am. what did you think was going to happen....
I wouldn't say I'm obssessed but, I like the show Bluey. It's cute, and I love to watch it when I really just want to turn off my brain, also they have humor that lands with adults. I would never get upset that CHILDERN dominate the fandom. In the same vein I find it REALLY gross when adults into children's cartoons create 18+ fan content of that show i.e fan art, fanfic, etc.
i was a compliant kid, and learned very quickly to make space for others and prioratize their needs above mine. Im still unlearning this in therapy to this day! yay!
Same here. In my 20s im finally learning how to set boundaries, say no, and do what's right for me and makes me comfortable. Im finally allowed to take up space.
@@bufomyguy same. Like, exactly the same. My father used to treat me as a prop - "look how well behaved she is! She comes with me wherever I go" (he literally didn't allow me out of his eyesight until age 12) - and props don't cry. They don't misbehave. They just stand there and smile
facts to the point where I eat myself alive every time I do something as trivial as say “no” to somebody because I was a pushover and was scared to break the rules. It’s hard to break out of that mentality.
i used to be called a crybaby, whiny, too sensitive, etc. and now ive been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, that manifested itself as early as five years old. even if i dont consciously remember any trauma that happened to me back then, it has still affected me greatly during adult life and now im mentally ill .-. please be careful when you talk to kids, their body will keep the score
same, no one ever took me seriously and always told me I was overly sensitive as a child, so I learned to mask my emotions instead of processing them. It wasn't until I was 19/20 that I began to learn how to process my emotions in a helpful, healthy way. Still dealing with anxiety, though rip
As someone who "hated" kids as a teen and now works with children; It's actually the parents I hate. I also hate how most people expect women/girls to just be good with kids and liking the interaction with kids. The amount of times I was left in charge of small children at parties or social gatherings when I myself was a kid is astonishing.
This always happened to me, I was even in charge, at some point, when I reach my teens, to look and control the behaviour of my cousins, who are three years older than me, just bc I'm a girl and girls "mature early" (that and bc every adult in my life labeled me as a child "very mature for her age"), and even, like you, with kids that were'nt even part of my family, It was so frustating as a child, I never coulld relax fully at gatherins bc I had to take care of the rest, prevent fithgs or stopped them. No just my family, even teachers and in school, I had always to be the adult in every situation.
I've found that trying to understand a child goes a long way. My family is the "beat them until they behave" type, every single fucking one of them. They don't see children as people, they see children as property. I have a niece, she is the sweetest little girl who has similar issues that I did growing up, and I'm 100% certain it's because nobody has broken the cycle of generational abuse that's been in our family for so long. I love her so much, it makes me want to fist fight everyone in my family because I know I can't go no-contact until she's at least 16, because if I do, they'll feed her lies about me, just like my mother does everyone else she dislikes.
Oh my godddd, I'm kind going through through same situation, if I stand up for myself my "mom" threatens to kick me out with my two "sisters" where 18 and 16 and hate my guts for stand up against my "mom" and whenever she had fights my "mom" would and "sisters" would spread lies like I'm bad, and I'm giving my mom grey hair, and that I'm going to love outside. And my mom wouldn't my little siblings come around me or talk to me they'd get in trouble, and so I said sorry to my mom for everything for standing up to her and she "forgave me". Bruuhhhhhh I'm leaving to college asap bc I can't deal with this. So i definitely relate to your situation. It's my older sisters situation who only talk to my mom so that she can talk to the younger siblings too... no bc as soon as i can support myself, if my little siblings want to live with me they are comming with me. I wish you the best.🧡🧡🧡🧡
@@essencetreasuregoddes That is so messed up. I hope you never, not even for a second, feel any guilt for defending yourself. Your mother's behavior is NOT RIGHT. And you are completely justified in removing yourself from such toxicity. I wish you two the best 🥺😭
I had a fight with my parents over this on New Year’s Day it was a disaster they also believe babies and small children manipulate adults by crying??? LIKE WHO HURT YALL💀
Honestly the crucial difference between these “children haters” and people who simply dislike children is that the latter know that it’s not the kids’ fault and they make an effort to treat them well, even if they wouldn’t be around them by choice, which is fine
In my culture, a baby’s first laugh is celebrated because it is the baby declaring their love for their family and deciding to stay in our world. Before a baby’s first laugh, it is said that they are between two worlds, and we believe that babies and children are gifts and closer to divinity. I can’t imagine someone being upset with that, and I’m sorry that some cruel woman made you feel that way.
“Why does everyone ogle when they learn to walk, it’s a normal thing” BECAUSE ITS HEALTHY DEVELOPMENT AND A MILESTONE FOR YOUR BABY AND BECAUSE ITS CUTE. Im sorry that made me a little mad, like, THEY HAD TO LEARN THAT. Their parents had to help them, imgaine being a parent happily getting to see your kid have their first experiences. (Not every child will go through every “milestone” and that’s okay! Parents should still celebrate the ones they do have. It teaches the child to be proud of what they accomplish from a young age)
Yeah and neglecting your child and not giving them attention is like 101 on how to give them mental illness and disorders... Its not oogleing its recognition and acceptance...
Also they can easily hurt themselves when learning to walk! It's almost like the responsible adults in the room would want to do what they could to prevent a vulnerable child from becoming injured......
Adding on to your statement: BECAUSE POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT IS BENEFICIAL AND ARGUABLY CRUCIAL TO MEETING IMPORTANT PHYSICAL AND MENTAL MILESTONES AND HAVING A HAPPY CHILDHOOD
Exactly, it's just like when we're older, and we graduate from high school or college in want that to be celebrated. It's normal for milestones in our lives to be celebrated. It really blew my mind that that person said that. It's like of course it's celebrated, it a life milestone...
@@monarch3495 yep you put it perfectly! I mean positive reinforcement works for adults, why wouldn't it work for kiddos! I feel like this should be common sense... Even to an abhorrent person who actually hates kids.
I think, usually, when people say, "I hate children," they mean they hate something else. I used to say, "I hate kids" when I was younger, but I've realized now that I really meant, "I hate the expectation that, as a female presenting person, I am expected to love kids and want to take care of them, even though I'd much rather do something else." As a teenager in particular, my parents' friends with younger children would expect me to look after their kids while they socialized with my parents, and I refused. They would try to manipulate me into doing it, and I felt that I had to say something strong, like "I hate kids," before they'd take no for an answer. Maybe there was a better, different way to get the point across, but this was first thing that worked for me, so I stuck with it. People said a lot of shitty things about me because of that, which just made me double down, because I felt, again, like it was a manipulation to make me feel like a bad person and capitulate to their expectations. In reality, I like some kids, but not all. I also like some adults, but not all. It's still pretty frustrating when people assume liking all children is my "nature," but that's not something I want to take out on children.
That was something that struck me with the post Tara read about hating kids. Large sections of it were about the expectations not about kids at all. Their fear of pregnancy, and their frustration at being expected to interact with and care for other people kids were the majority of it
This. Very much this. I've gotten very good at figuring out how to block my instinct to say, "oh no!', when someone tells me that they're pregnant, because that really is just plain MEAN, but the number of times that people have, subtly or brazenly, expected me or tried to push me into wanting to be around or have kids is uncountable. This is probably a good part of why some people over respond with an I-hate-kids mentality. It's not that I think that I-hate-kids is a helpful, reasonable, or kind response, but it IS a response that gets people to leave you tf alone. Having said all that, there are kids I really truly do enjoy, and, unsurprisingly, those kids are often the ones whose parents are engaged in a loving way. They give me a smidge of hope for the world. Go on, little children, do your thing! Your Auntie will be here, cheering you on from a safe distance.
Yeah, when I was younger, I was adamant about hating babies and small children, and what I mainly hated in retrospect was loud noises, bodily fluids, erratic behavior, and the social expectation that I should love children to the point of wanting to birth them and/or babysit them at every opportunity. Getting some distance from childhood itself allowed me to gain a genuine appreciation and sense of compassion for kids, and I can now say with confidence that I really like and admire children as a general class of people.
Yes this! This is what I came to realise about myself (plus pregnancy seems like an awful time all around and I’ve never ever wanted to do it) But I don’t hate kids, I’m actually quite good with them and have worked making animation content for them; but I needed the distance of time and age to help me realise what the root of me saying that phrase in the past actually meant.
i feel like for some people, especially women who bear the brunt of society’s expectations to have children, saying “i hate children” is a way to subvert the expectations for women to always love and care for children. admitting you like children can feel like you’re falling into a frustrating stereotype and giving people another reason to tell you to bear children. still, i do agree that it is a messed up perspective to have. obviously, children of all people aren’t to blame for society’s ridiculous expectations, so we really shouldn’t be taking out our frustrations on them.
I understand that urge to resist stereotypes, but I feel one can proclaim that they care about children or are detached from them as a concept without hating them while emphasising that one doesn't ever want to have children. Personally I would like to care for a child and help them grow, but I recognise that I am far from being in a position where it would be possible for me, and also I'm in a position where it just would be unwise for me to be looking after one at this point in time, not just for my own good but for the child's best interests too.
I get that but imagine being a child & overhearing adults talk about how much they hate you just for existing. It’s not like this is being said privately lol any of us would’ve internalized this at that age. There’s really no way to not look like an asshole in this situation.
@@longlivebeans Maybe I have been leading a sheltered life, but I haven't ever encountered an adult who told a child they hated them for no reason. If I encounter a child and they act bratty and obnoxious, I will ask them nicely to cut it out, then I will approach the parents, and if the behavior still continues, don't expect me to be nice. Parents need to figure out how to deal with/discipline/raise their children! It's understandable that kids throw tantrums, get overwhelmed, etc, but it is a parent's responsibility to teach them how to process their emotions.
When I say I don't like children, I don't "secretly like them and am hiding it". I genuinely don't like children. Specifically, I hate being forced by parents to exist in spaces around them and to have to babysit their kids for free. Ex. I go to Christmas and I have to be the one to corall and entertain toddlers while their parents are eating.
I'm half black. When I was 10 I told my 4th grade teacher I had watched terminator with my parents. I was excited to share so I said "asta la vista, baby" and made a little finger-g*n. She immediately started berating me, calling what I did violent and inappropriate. She then sent me to the principal's office for threats of violence. I felt horrible about this for years, as my parents were so embarrassed about it. It was one of many times I was seen as "threatening" and "adultified" when I was a child
News flash it isn’t always about race 😮 crazy right. Any fake guns, finger guns or anything was not allowed in my elementary school, they didn’t care if you were a white kid or a black kid or any other race… if you used any sort of guns you’d get in trouble.
@Foxy_roxy it is about race sometimes. Tara specifically addressed that. Of course anyone in elementary school got in trouble for that, but not at the level I did. Just like Tara said, a full grown woman should not be feeling so incredibly threatened by a young black girl. Simple
@@karynalovesyou4615 did I say it’s never about race? No, learn to read. The teacher herself wasn’t threatened by you but when you’re in a class with other children around the teacher has to keep them in mind as well, it’s not all about you in a classroom it’s about everyone so she had to make sure nobody would get offended or retraumatized/triggered cuz you don’t know what kind of households your classmates were living in. Simple :)
@Foxy_roxy For the record we were standing outside of the classroom alone because school hadn't started yet. In fact she wasn't even my teacher and I just shared it with her just because I really liked her. Stop pretending you understand the situation when you weren't even there. And did you watch the video? Tara addresses specific situations where POC kids are put in a position to be ridiculed and seen as threatening. I brought up this experience of mine because what Tara said resonated with me. You coming in, disregarding the purpose, and saying nOt eVeRyThiNg iS aBoUt rAce was incredibly rude.
I actually feel weird sometimes because im a girl who is very into fandom/internet culture, but i... like kids. And want to be a mom... but in the spaces i socialize with, "hating kids" is the norm. And when i say "yeah i want to get married and have kids someday" my online friends treat me like im naive and that im boggled down by "social expectations" because i live in a developing country lol what... my mom is a careerwoman and managed to raise 2 kids that turned out fine. Just remember that having kids isnt a "gift/blessing/whatever", its a responsibility.
Honestly those aren't friends worth having because they sound very cynical and toxic. The ironic part of this is they accuse you of just confirming to social expectations when by being so vocally against kids and judgemental of people who want to have them, THEY are actually the ones who are conforming to social expectations as what the "cool e girl" is meant to what.
@user-tk4cy1gk8o oh no no they are nice most of the time. I think maybe just ignorant somewhat. They arent super against me having those wants/opinions . I had to do some explaining to them. But yeah i don't understand extreme opinions from both sides, just let people do what they wanna do mannn
I honestly second the original reply, your friends need to be more respectful of what you want to do. Just because you live in a developing country doesn't mean what you want is somehow no longer valid because it's not what they want to do. Also most of fandom culture is involved with children's shows (Owl House, She-Ra, Adventure Time, Kipo, AT;LA Voltron, etc). How are they gonna hate kids and then watch media made with them in mind?
This is something I am trying to get out of, because I realize that people deserve to be able to make choices and have healthy and happy marriages. I think some of my past hatred and contempt for it came down to my own fear of never having a happy marriage coupled with resentment towards what I saw as a normal life, a life I definitely didn't get to have. You do you. Yeah, marriage is hard and stuff, kids suck, but there's also a lot of fun in those things. And most importantly, it's what you want. It's a perfectly valid thing to want.
i remember being a little kid with Very Big Feelings and just. having such a hard time trying to understand why adults were so dismissive of my feelings, because, like, weren't they kids too? they should know how it feels! so i have a promise to myself to always try to understand where kids are coming from.
I’m so sorry you had that. I did too, my parents have healed so much and our relationship is great, but I promised myself to never invalidate my children. They are encouraged to feel their feelings, we don’t allow harmful behaviors (hurting self or others) and I ask them if they want to cool off with me // or if they need space when they’re older, but while I hate that they experience negative things, I love that I can tell them “I hear you. That is frustrating. What can we do to solve it/fix it?” Or “I know you don’t want to do xyz. I don’t either. Let’s get a smoothie first!” Smoothie just as a random selection of what we use as incentives (adults use them too!) just since I don’t use food as a reward, and incentives aren’t dependent on whether a child “behaved” or acted the way you desired them to during said event, instead it reassures them and gives them (and me) a nice boost and the ability to talk about what we don’t like about the activity or event incoming and what we can do to make it easier. Children are meant to be protected.
YES! kids experience the exact same level of emotion as adults but have no experience or tools to processs + address/express them!! and then they get yelled at/punished/ignored/denied bc theyre "just kids its not that serious" like it is to THEM !! genuinely pisses me the hell off bc like, kids are people. thats a person. thats a person looking you dead in the eye and telling you that something that only THEY know (how they feel/how important something is) and you're just disregarding them! I know there are lots of situations when adults know that the kid is being irrational but just saying that to the kid wont actually HELP them or the situation! they'll still feel whatever they feel, plus now they feel upset/angry that you've ignored or snapped at them.
I was also a kid with A Lot of Very Big Feelings and I got shamed constantly for being anxious and crying. I love children and I want to have them, but I’m also putting in the groundwork to be the best parent I can be and to be there for any of my future kids with big feelings.
This, OMG, the amount of invalidation of children’s feelings that I’ve seen happen and experienced myself as a child is crazy, cos apparently children simply don’t have those feelings? Like my parents were telling me I was “too young to be stressed” up until the age of 17, meanwhile you have children as young as 12 having suicidal thoughts
I genuinely don't like being around children, doesn't mean I hate or even dislike them though. I have chronic migraines and sensory issues and it's just so so overwhelming, I can't handle it. But I can't IMAGINE being rude or cruel to a child.
You’re completely fine. There’s a difference between not being able to be around children because of the things they naturally do and choosing to hate children because of who they naturally are.
@PhoenixRising93 It’s wrong because like it or not, children can’t fully help how they act. Also, no they’re not. They can be if they’re not taught to be caring and respectful.
The child is alone and lost in an arcade going up to strangers. My first thought is help her find her guardian ASAP. Not to film her, try to teach her a lesson as if I’m her mommy, insult her, roast her, whatever they were trying to do there. Some people are soulless.
If the kid is comfortable, feeling safe and their guardian is also okay with it, I think it should be okay for kids to go around. It takes a village to raise a human being. So I would cue into the kid's body language, take a look around and see if there's a guardian somewhere, and maybe ask the kid if their guardian knows where they are. But mostly I would be concerned about keeping an eye on the kid.
@@herminaghenu4831 if you’re a good guardian you don’t allow your kid to harass strangers. It’s dangerous to even let them go up to strangers alone. In the video the parents are nowhere in sight.
@@love-ip7sz yeah I honestly don’t understand where that type of behavior comes from. Well like it stems from something but… they’re grown enough that they need to take accountability and learn better
@@winter333 when I watched the video the first time I thought the kid was like 10. Now I see the kid is probably like 6. I agree the guardian probably should've been keeping a better eye. But also people should just like not be assholes? Controversial opinion it seems 😂
I hated how much teachers would try to gaslight us as kids. I straight up had a teacher yell in my face that I was wrong once, while I was explaining an actual truth about my life. Kids are people. Just be respectful. It's not hard.
When I was younger I kind of used to make out I hated children because people were like ‘you’ll change your mind when you’re older’ even though I have very specific reasons as to why I don’t want children other than just not wanting children (that is a perfectly valid reason on its own though). It made me mad and I didn’t know what to say back to those people so I defaulted to ‘hating kids’ so people would leave me alone.
Yeah, I've seen this with some of my friends, many of whom want to remain childless/childfree and try too hard to "prove" to everyone why that's actually the right choice for them (interestingly most who fall into this way of thinking are women, it seems to me that they feel this pressure much more strongly so the overcompensate more than their male peers). I'm glad I never fell into this trap though. Some kids can be obnoxious a lot of the time, sure, but they deserve understanding and respect, it's vital for them to thrive in this world after all.
I think this can be true, especially with younger people, but the vast, vast majority of the people I know who actually, legitimately hate children had parents who were emotionally manipulative or neglectful, especially the type of emotional manipulation that involved playing favourites among the sibling group.
Just like how nurses shouldn't be ranting about their patients' private situations on tiktok just because they are frustrated Doesn't mean you can hate an unprotected group of people Go take your frustrations on the adults, not someone helpless
The worst is when people hate kids/don’t think through what raising children is like but have them anyways because of social pressure. So many parents either only like babies who are too young to have their own opinions or act as if their children should be grateful for abusive and neglectful parenting.
I have seen written accounts of people practically bragging about dealing with their children's faeces. "When my son was about to have explosive diarrhoea, I helped him out of his trousers, and I dealt with it when he sat down on the toilet right next to me, aren't I great? I really deserved that big "THANK YOU" my son gave me!" And I sit there, thinking how about of course you'll have to deal with your child's faeces and urine and blood and drool and snot and vomit and all that as soon as you have one. Same goes for many pets you can have. What poor children must there be who at five years old probably have to deal with their own vomit that they just woke up in while practically vomiting in their sleep.
Yup, I think that's really the worst thing of all of this. Doing anything out of feelings of obligation is literally the worst thing u can do to yourself and the fastest way to create a strained family dynamic.
Children are literally treated as property, and objects. It's rather creepy. Hating children isn't just harmful to children either. I'm an autistic man, there are parts of my brain that are developed to someone half my age, as a kids would be, and for any way I am considered 'underdeveloped' I either have to mask it, or face people treating me like a child frequently, every single week, and not in a respectful way, but in a "you sound like your a kid, and that's a bad thing because you should just grow up, and your feelings don't matter because you're not a full human." kind of way. I have chosen to no longer mask consciously despite this because it is exhausting and lead to other health issues that became a matter of life or death, but treating people of different developments as if they are less full people, when children are still full people, just at a different stage of existence, is not helpful, it is actively perpetuating biases against children, and also adult people deemed "childish".
Sometimes I just want to be allowed to like things. Idk why that's apparently such a problem for people sometimes. And if I like something I want to like it A LOT.
Yeah. I’m neurodivergent, and have often been infantilized and condescended to by people around me. Even as a child I hated it. Adding to that, even people who claim to love children 99% of the time still treat them like property, no matter if it’s their child, or someone else’s.
I never plan on being a parent, but those gentle parenting videos have honestly helped me begin reparenting myself and just learning how to productively manage my emotions in regards to some of my more challenging relationships. I highly recommend anyone watch them, regardless of how they feel about being a parent.
Yes! Emotional intelligence was something not prioritized in raising kids for the longest time! It wasn’t very many years ago that the acceptable norm was to spank your kids in public. Which shows them nothing in how we should handle ourselves when we have no more patience to deal with something. Even now there are plenty of grown adults who practically salivate at the idea of a kid getting a “lesson beaten into them”, saying dumb shit like “that kid needs a whooping.” Even about little kids! All it does is show them that when their feelings get too overwhelming, it’s acceptable to lash out and explode rather than introspect and rationalize our feelings based on the circumstances. Gentle parents FTW!
As a disabled woman who has had to deal with being a child and the constant "extension" of "childhood" via infantilization--we need to treat kids better. One doesn't have to love or even really like kids to not outwardly be hostile towards them. They are people with feelings, just like anyone else.
Unsolicited PSA for narcissistic adoptive mothers: telling your adopted daughter, "I love you, I just don't like you" -- does not count as telling a child they are loved.
Interesting thought.... my mother (im not adopted) used to tell me at times she loved me but at that particular moment she didn't like me (or rather perhaps my actions?) Now as an adult I sometimes feel that exact way about her HOWEVER... as a child ... not yet developed... you really internalize the negative and you remember the "I don't like you" not the I love you..... so being adopted and told this. Damn. That's completely heartbreaking 💔
@@Hooperjz78 precisely. It really stung when it was being said about me, in front of me; usually due to someone complimenting* my manners. She'd laugh a certain laugh & deliver a modified, "I do love her for that, I just don't like her!" Sometimes, I wonder whether she understood her actions or was just parroting a saying learned from movies or television.
The way she says that makes the word “love” seem like an obligation instead of a term of affection. And you never tell a child you’re doubting your love/like for them. Keep that shit in and cope with the stress, frustration, or whatever it is some other way. Words mean more than they think, especially to a kid.
this video is so extremely eye opening to me. I don’t outwardly proclaim that I hate kids/hate on kids constantly, but i am indeed child free. some of this strange … writing paragraphs and paragraphs of hating children and the things they do… it’s just so strange. kids are kids. they don’t know any better. and most of the time, their bad habits are because of their parents. I don’t want kids, but i do think they’re cute, i love seeing them play, and i acknowledge as an aunt my younger neices truly just want to be around the “cool older kid.” I mean, think about it, if you ever had an older sibling- you probably wanted to be just like them as a kid. i think people just need to be more empathetic to these poor children.
That's really the gist of it for me too. I'm child free and plan to forever remain so but the obsession with posting about hateing kids and the existence of subreddits and discord servers for it is a symptom of some greater problem.
Some of us just dislike being around kids and dislike their behaviour. Yet we have no opportunity to avoid all interaction with them. So that is why some people write about it. I dislike kids and don't write much about it, because I live my life in a way that I can avoid interacting with them almost all of the time. The people who can't, just pour their frustration on the internet. It is probably the only way they can channel their frustration
I used to think I hate kids, but the more I interacted with them for the sake of my job, the more I realised that children aren't worth the hate they get. Parents are!
Yes, and most of the bad behaviors that children develop as they grow up come from entitled parents, they aren't born that way, they have to learn them.
@@mfitzburger5137 the person said: children aren’t worth the hate they get. Parents are! My point is there is no point in hating someone who is doing their best with the tools they have. Yes there are parents who don’t try but they are a very rare occurence. As someone else said, children rearing isnt supposed to be done by only 2 individuals which is what happens most times in our individualistic societies where parents are either too far away from family to be able to be supported in their roles as a parent or not close enough with their family to be comfortable asking for help. This whole: « children only have negative behaviours because of their parents »mentality is diminutive of parents’ efforts and separated from reality. We are in a society where raising a child is extremely difficult. I would ask people to be more empathetic towards that reality.
I'm guilty of saying I hate kids pretty often in the past, when what I actually meant was I don't like the responsibility of working with kids. I don't like the thought of being the grown up from Tara's memory of being looked down on for laughing with her family. I don't want kids, I don't want to give them my physical and mental maladies and I don't want to pass on bad parenting from one generation to the next. I don't hate kids...I think I'm just afraid of them.
I don't like kids and don't want kids, but damn I feel like I treat them with more dignity and respect than a large amount of people who DO have them. And I think that's the bigger, far more common issue than the childfree people on reddit. So many children are not given any kind of autonomy or treated like a human with feeling by the adults in their lives. And this kind of attitude toward children and treatment of children is normalized, all from people who say they like kids.
Yes, exactly! I respect children as human beings and their human rights which is more than most parents. I just dont wanna raise them or be around them if I dont have to because I find it overwhelming. Nothing wrong with how they exist they are being kids, but i cant handle it and i recognise that so I avoid them. Which is the mature and compassionate thing to do as opposed to parents who have kids then talk about how much they hate them. Thats truely awful.
I have a sister who really doesn't like dogs, and I can't imagine her having any positive feelings about horses. However, she always was fully capable of understanding and acknowledging that it's animal abuse to not let a housebroken dog outside to relieve itself, and I am sure she'd be against horseback riding (no idea how she feels about it) if she knew what kind of pain many horses that are being ridden have to suffer. You can have a lot of indifference and quite a strong dislike for other beings and still recognise what is bad for them and that those things that are bad for them need to be minimized as much as possible. But there are "dog lovers" who don't let them pee for 14 hours straight each night, and who talk about how their dog can "endure" not being able to relieve itself.
Second, third, fourth this! It really bothers me that parents or people who really want children often have/see them as an extension of themselves and their ego.
Yes agreed! I tend to say I hate children but mostly just in response to the idea that I should go out of my way to care for them when I have no reason to (and also because I think it's funny, being legally a child myself), but like I work at a sleep away camp and have worked mostly with the youngest groups. Kids are so much easier to deal with when you treat them like people and I hate it when I see people not do that. If you listen to them they're much more likely to listen to you and I don't see how so many people can't grasp that concept
“There is nothing eggy or quirky about hating a vulnerable group of people” This is so true, just imagine this in another context: I just hate mentally disabled people, it’s nothing personal, I just don’t want to interact with them. You know I just dislike how they are not functioning like me. Also they are so used to the attention all the time, I’m not supporting this. -- see how wrong this sounds?
I think the stupid thing is that people hate neurodivergent people but then they act like allies. They don't hang out with them or want anything to do with them socially, but then they call them "cute" and all that BS. Like they're a pet or something
What’s more disgusting is that (at lease from what I’ve seen on Reddit) they get all the pity points in the world and the kids are demonized thinking they’re gonna grow up to hurt animals and people. I’m just sitting here thinking “what about the kids who have NO control over their disabilities/illnesses? They get to grow up as if they’re a waste of life for something they never had a choice in.” The woe is me parents brought it all to themselves why are these grown adults who should’ve been more responsible and should know better the UwU victims of every ND person as if they’re all out to get them and NTs are perfect little angels who can’t do no wrong? I get that parenting is hard, to which that is exactly why I despise them even more cause they brought children into this world thinking they’re gonna be all perfect non disabled kids that they’ll benefit from cause they’re that selfish.
someone told me im good with kids because i treat them like people and it made me realize how common and accepted it is for adults to just completely mistreat them
Same here. Everyone always tells me that I’m so good with kids that I should be a teacher. All I do is treat them the way I would have wanted to be treated as a child. They deserve respect and understanding like anyone else.
I personally am choosing to be child free, but I actually really like kids (in small doses) and am looking forward to being everyone’s favorite “auntie” to my friends’ kids. I can understand having a dislike for children, because they are exhausting and annoying at times, but don’t let the kids know that. They don’t deserve to be put down for just being a kid.
"child free" is not good term. Am I "cat free" because there isn't any cat living with me? Are people "wife free" because they are single? This -free makes it look like parents are not free people, or even more, it seems like "child" is some kind of Illness.
I have a couple of memories of people saying mean things to me as a child. Once my own uncle said to me he hated me and i was the most annoying child on earth... I was 7 years old. I am 35 and I still hate that man so much for what he said to me as a child. People saying "they will forget" are so wrong, so so wrong.
I wasn´t told this stuff directly but I do remember adults in my life retelling my early childhood, mostly during my teens, saying that I was a very annoying and difficult child even to the point where I was hard to be liked as a person or that my mom was brave for tolerating me, and other times they would ask me why I wasn´t as outgoing as I was as a kid but their insistence on the latter made me want to grow fast and avoid being seen as 'the annoying kid', I just kind of resorted to silence which to their eyes made me boring. God I hate adults.
Thats why I try so hard to be kind to my baby sister, shes loud and outgoing which can be hard for my sensory issues. But she is a little girl and impressionable, and I want her to feel loved so if shes overwhelming me I just leave the room
I remember one time I was five and my brother was in his terrible twos, we were on the train and my dad had brought along a Noddy book to read to us to keep us entertained. One of the other adult passengers complained it was annoying to have to listen to this children's story (what, would you rather hear a bored two-year-old?) but another adult spoke up disagreeing, saying he wanted to hear what happened next in the story. No idea if he meant it or was just being nice, standing up for us as children, but it really reassured five-year-old me that we weren't being a bother. That's the type of adult I try to be now.
Well intentioned but. Disliking them isn't acceptable and is immoral. If you dislike black people, you're racist. If you dislike gay people, you're homophobic. Them being children harms no one. Them existing isn't a problem. If something they do bothers you, you can ask them to stop. And a lot of people just have ridiculous, idiotic expectations for how a child should act. For all the whiners who say children are spoiled and unregulated, they sure show more resilience and regulation than countless whingy,weak-minded adults eho can't bear thorugh one minute of a baby crying that they already think they're the victim of some crime. For those people,zero sympathy. Get a grip. Enough said.
I honestly love when they stare at me. I'm wearing alt fashion at it always feels like a compliment when it interests them. I just smile at them and they smile at me happily and it's all cool
im a trans man. i barely even like using the word "pregnancy" because i have an aversion to the mere concept, verging on phobia (the fear-based phobia, not the bigotry-based kind lol). all that to say, i would literally never voice the unkind kneejerk reactions i have to that stuff, certainly never to an actual pregnant person. if you have trauma/any kind of psychological aversion to/in association with something NORMAL, it is YOUR responsibility to cope with that and not push it on other people. deal with it and dont bother others. it's literally not hard lmao
On the other hand ppl lack awareness that it's not unnatural to NOT like children and stuff. And I refuse to pretend like I do just bc it's "nOrmAl". We could also just be mature and just accept the fact that some ppl like that kind of stuff and some don't. And most I would say think they like it bc that's what they're expected to and find out too late that maybe it's not as great as they thought
@@molchmolchmolchmolch I don't know about that... I mean, it's okay to not get along well with kids and be a bit uncomfortable around them, but disliking a human for existing is always wrong to me. Would you think it's okay to not like black people, trans people, or people with Downs Syndrome for just being the way they are? If you're not actively mean to them, whatever, but maybe you should look at therapy, because there's a good chance there's something underlying that causes problems. (To be clear, I don't want to have kids, and am myself not super comfortable with them. Doesn't mean I don't treat them with kindness and compassion when they exist around me.)
I'm a trans woman, and while I'm very glad I never have to deal with that situation I don't give grief to anyone who wants it (especially those who want it but can't have it). It was really tough with one of my exes who repeatedly told me how she wants kids, since I didn't want to state the obvious on the matter.
one thing i hate is when people talk about kids in front of them, as if they cant understand them "oh its just a stupid child they wont understand when i say how hard theyve made my life." like idk man i still remember a lot of things they said about me when i was a kid
Fr it sooooo annoying like do they even know you usually start remember more things from like 2-4 like kids are vulnerable but they are not stupid they can hear you or see your facial features or their parents can fill them in on that. Sorry if I have bad grammar or if I’m ranting 😅💜💜💜
I don’t hate children, but what I might mean by saying “I hate children”, is that I hate the way society pressures women into having and loving children. I don’t want to be a mother, and I don’t like interacting with children; that’s a me issue, not the fault of the child. The thing I hate is when people begrudge me my disinterest in children and becoming pregnant. I think this might be the case for many people who, instead of describing such specific feelings, just say: “I hate children.” Saying that, I would never be mean to a child, and I do respect all children as people. I do show interest in children I meet and I know to be polite. I just don’t want them for myself. People who are mean to children are just horrible people.
A lot of time it's easier to just say "I hate children" then go into what you really mean. Especially if the person you're talking to isn't really listening to you anyway. I say "I hate children" for the exact same reason. Like I don't really HATE them. But it's like when you say you're starving when you miss breakfast or something.
And being kind and respectful towards children sucks sometimes (not because of the kids) but because people always come out with "you're going to be such a good mother." "Oh don't be like that! You'll change your mind, just look how good you are with kids!" "You would deprive your future children of such an amazing mother?" Etc. I'm not even doing anything amazing, I'm just not being a dick to my nephew, please leave me alone.
@Drea literally lmao. I believe we have a term for this and it's child free LMAO. Can't be saying inflammatory shit like "I HATE children" and then playing the victim. - a child free woman
@@EveCat2343 then don’t say it Jesus Christ, why do children get to be the group who gets cruel terms because it’s “easier to say”? Sounds like an excuse you can easily change imo I have heard the same sh*t thrown at disabled people. “I hate disabled people” is something I heard a sibling say because they were hard to deal with. Sounds f up to me.
I have to be honest, I'm not at all keen on kids, they just kinda annoy me. I also smoke and swear and have no inclination to censor myself. But when I recently joined a child free FB group I very quickly realised it wasn't the place for me. It was just so.... venomous. Not just towards kids but also towards women who have them. I'm child free, but not, y'know, THAT child free!!
I don’t really want, nor like much kids, I’m not even good with a baby doll to raise the real thing. I might have one, for the Gilmore Girls thing of it, but literally just one. But this one girl in my class terrifies me with her brutality with kids. Saying that she wants to throw them off buildings and kill them. Sometimes I believe we take it too far, it’s okay to not like children, but it’s not okay to wish death upon another human, especially when that human won’t be a minor forever
@@CTHRTTTCK Yeah if she brings it up again, I would definitely tell her to chill the hell out. Not to mention, assuming you're middle or highschoolers.... you're also still considered kids.
I always say "I love kids! I want exactly zero of them though." Because kids are funny and great and sweet but I don't want to be a parent. People that make hating children their whole personality are weird
LOL, that's what my Tia says! Although I wish she meant it. She said she didn't have children because she has us, her nieces. She loves us, but she loved that she could give us back even more. 🤣 It's funny though, because as I can tell she just hated children. Tbh it's really good that she didn't have children. She's definitely neurotic, A type personality. I remember her getting angry at me, because I was chewing too loud in a movie theater slapping my hands...like wtf lol 😅 I'm twenty-seven now, and that happened to me when I was like seven or eight ...& I still remember it.
@@luthientinuviel3883 yes!!!! i love the idea of being the cool auntie who takes the kids out and like lets them stay up past their bedtime watching movies or something
People that constantly feel the need to preach their dislike for children you will find deep down really and truely want them but for whatever reason can’t have them… same goes for people that constantly preach how people without children are selfish and cold…
This video brought a memory to mind. I'm a cashier and we keep stickers around to offer to kids that come in the store. A little girl that's obviously been there before and knows we have stickers asked if she could have one. Before I could respond, her guardian goes "no, you have to wait for them to offer you one, now you don't get one." Now I might not know what the "correct" way to parent is, but as someone with god awful parents I definitely know what the wrong ways are. And that was it. What kind of person teachers their kid to not ask for things? I imagine she says stuff like that all the time to her kid, she had that vibe. Does she want her to grow up to be entitled and always expecting people to do things for her without her asking first? Does she expect everyone to be a mind reader and know what her kid wants at all times? Does she want her kid to grow up to be a push-over that doesn't even know how to ask for things anymore? I genuinely have no idea what this lady was trying to accomplish by telling her kid to not communicate her wants and needs. Edit: And I didn't even remember the stickers either so I literally wouldn't have offered if she hadn't reminded me. And the kid asked politely too! She wasn't being rude or annoying like the lady was trying to tell her she was. God that lady pissed me off. I hope that kid turns out okay. Cuz it would be one thing to say she had to wait for me to offer it, but it's another to punish her for asking politely for something by not letting her have the thing. And over a fuckin' sticker of all things.
I also work at a grocery store that gives out stickers, and I love to have conversations with the kids because I feel that kids are too often ignored out in "society". So I always ask if they'd like stickers instead of just giving them, if they say no I dont push it, i ask them how many they want etc. And I vividly remember two kids who excitedly said "yes!" when I offered and then their mom said "oh no, they'll just waste them." and the kids' smiles just dropped. I still don't understand how a kid can waste stickers, you just use stickers. It felt weirdly cruel, and I had no idea how to respond.
I still remember when I was very little, like, not in school yet I think, and my dad chastised me for asking my friend if she would share some of her candy with me. He also told me that I have to wait until people offer, asking for things is rude. It has become a core memory for me and it would play in my mind every time I was a guest somewhere. Glad to say though that I mostly overcame that and with my friends we have a policy of always asking for things we want or need, so we don't have to play politeness games with each other. I get the lesson he wanted to teach me is that by asking strangers for something, I'm basically forcing them to comply with me, because saying no would be rude. So I should leave it up to them to offer me what they are actually willing to share. BUT that was not the situation, she was my friend, and friends should be able to communicate directly and honestly and be comfortable enough to say no. He also didn't explain his reasoning so it was a bad lesson overall.
My issue with children is they very often don’t respect boundaries, but I feel uncomfortable enforcing those boundaries because I don’t want to upset their parents. When I was a child myself, all my experiences with children younger than me weren’t great. They’d lie to me or their parents, throw tantrums, pull my hair, shove me, hit me… but the adults in my life expected me to respond like an adult yet didn’t trust me like one (so I’d be getting in trouble). That, or they thought the hair pulling and hitting was cute. Now that I’m an adult, I realize my child issue is actually a “bad parent” one. I don’t like children because I have no idea what kind of parent they have. If their parent is responsible and active, I can interact comfortably with kids and I do enjoy spending time with them.
Just reminded me....I grew up in a cult and(luckily) none of the other kids were my age, either younger or older, and oddly the younger kids were the ones to pick on me. I think explaining this to my mother helped keep me from having to engage in culty activities with them. So I guess the little brats did me a favor by treating me like crap? They're not the reason I hąte kids though, they're just generally awful and annoying little people.
Boundaries (how to set them and how to respect others) is something that kids don't automatically understand, they need to be taught. If a child has consistent issues with setting or respecting boundaries then something has gone wrong, and it's likely that the parents are not doing a good job teaching their child.
This!!! If a kid is making someone uncomfortable, it's most likely the parent's fault for letting it happen. So often parents just don't pay any attention to their kids, and when someone else brings up issues with them, they either get offended or don't care.
honestly didn’t know kids staring creeped people out, i always think back to what i would stare at when i was that little and it was usually something or someone i thought was cool/interesting. When a kid stares at me I try to either smile and tiny wave or make it easier for them to see whatever I may be doing bc they’re just curious. Observation is how we learn like 90% of the time so I just let them observe, plus it boosts my self confidence thinking this way lol
Agreed! I work in a restaurant and kids stare because they’re curious, they just do, but honestly it makes their day for them to be personally acknowledged. Smile at them, wave at them, let them know you see them-it will not only make them feel GOOD but it often makes them stop staring too.
I have sensory processing disorder. I’ve been accused of hating children because I can’t stand to be around a daycare. Really, it’s just that the sound of anyone screaming makes me physically agitated, even if they’re kids playing. I have no problem being around children when they’re just talking or laughing.
Loud sounds are an attack to my nervous system so any place where a lot of kids get together is a no for me. Now, I don't ever want kids to feel unwanted or rejected so when I know I'm in no place to get sensory overload, I just don't hang out with my friends who have kids. Cause it's not the kid's fault I can't look happy around their animated state of mind. So yeah I nope out of situations with kids a lot because I want them to feel good around me and I can't always provide that.
I get this. And I do think that this is what makes at least some people think they hate kids. Being aware that I have sensory sensitivities has made me more patient with others.
Personally i love kids for the exact same reasons people hate them. I love their freedom and joy and unrestricted emotions. As a kid who was bullied into quietness and compliance, talking to kids makes my inner child heal and learn from them. That is to say, i HATED kids when i was a teen because instead of accepting that I've been abused and it's not okay to expect children act like adults I've preferred thinking that nothing is wrong and hating those who don't fit into my perception of "normal". I imagine that a lot of people hate kids for the same reasons
Finally, say it louder for the people in the back! I can't stand people who are so adamant that they hate children. It almost feels dehumanising, like damn, they're human beings like everyone else. They deserve respect too. Also, about the staring thing: babies and toddlers stare at thing that they find interesting and stimulating. Take it as a compliment, they think you're cool.
A lot of children stare at me because I use a wheelchair, but I am glad that they have an opportunity to understand that disabled people exist at a young age. Especially the four year-old who asked me if I can change my shoes! 😂
You should see all the kids in the damn trailer park where I live. They are friggin horrible. They destroy property, throw shit at people's homes and run into street while people are turning. One of my cats was rescued from a group of children kicking her and chasing her toward a friggin pit bull!!! They are still from the same trailer park I live in! No one is teaching them any better and they do not give a crap about anyone or anything. I don't have to like kids. I would prefer my niece and my direct neighbor's kids over these lil tyrants.
@@khazermashkes2316 Oh gosh, I remember the first time I came across a disabled person when I was a toddler. It was a lady with an iron prosthetic leg who did trekking with my dad. I remember she was really nice to me, explaining to me what a prothesis was, and would laugh at my _flabbergasted_ face. maybe I too asked questions about socks lol
Okay, on the calling babies ugly thing, I think that in the case of newborns, they do sometimes come out looking really weird. Like, the birthing process does kinda do a number on them. They grow out of it (usually) though
I think newborns are ugly potatoes, but it isn't their fault. Besides, cleaning off birth gunk and drying out to be less wrinkly, they become cute potatoes!
I think that’s part of it. But also, we’re not all bombshell models. So when the only acceptable things to say about any child is they are a beautiful perfect angel miracle, it feels awkward when that’s not the case. You can’t call a spade a spade.
I feel this one. I _really_ dislike giving people disingenuous compliments, and not only are newborn babies scrunched up bubblegum potatoes, but even after they start getting older, some of the just aren't cute _to me._ That's not the fault of the child, it's not anyone's fault. Sometimes people just don't like what others look like, and I don't care enough about a parent's need for validation to lie to their face and say their baby is cute, if I don't actually think so. I don't like that I am expected to 1) say anything at all and 2) lie if my opinion is anything less than "The baby is amazing and cute!".
@@Zeverinsen If someone wants you to comment on their baby and you don't think its aesthetically appealing, just say something like "they look so healthy" or focus on a particular feature like "look at all that hair" or "such cute little hands" etc. It doesn't necessarily have to be about the baby itself, it could be a funny hat or cute onesie they're wearing. New parents, mothers especially, are flooded with hormones that make them feel like they're literally in love with their babies, they are the most beautiful and incredible thing in the world to them, so they can get carried away when it comes to interacting with others that don't have the same intense feelings. Its not a big deal tho, nobody actually cares what anyone says about a baby so long as its not mean. They're just gushing about something they love like anyone who is super wrapped up in something does. It generally isn't about 'validation' so much as they're just overwhelmed with the biological processes taking place inside of them, as well as being just really happy and excited.
@@SaVanityVan Luckily for me, I don't have friends who would pressure me into saying anything about their baby. And all their babies are actually cute. It just annoys me when someone's baby is _clearly_ not very cute, and maybe doesn't even look that healthy, and they're trying to pressure other people into saying their baby is cute to satisfy their own need for self validation. Fuck your hormones, leave me TF alone! I've lived with my pregnant mother, I know how loopy you can get, but it's not acceptable to blame your hormones for selfish and/or rude behaviour. I don't particularly like or dislike kids, but I think we can all agree that the worst part about them is their parents.
when i see those gentle parenting videos i die inside realizing more and more how fucked up my childhood was. and i don't understand the actual hate for kids either, likr i think some people need to be more self aware where their feelings are coming from.
Thats where all these spoiled, entitled, spineless, precious, delicate, gossamer snowflakes are coming from! What's not to understand about hating kids?? Its not complicated. Just like people hate roaches and rats, certain colors, flavors, music, movies, etc. Why is kid hatred so bothersome and uncomfortable to some?? As long as we're not doing anything, who the fu@k cares?! Get over it.
Sadly self reflection isn't that common. And I mean true self reflection,being bravelt critical or your beliefs and actions,seeinf how you think you are vs how you really are fit together and being ready to change your actions , your beliefs if they are illogical, immoral ,factually incorrect or incoherent. What is far more common is just rationalization. Self justifying delusions and excuses for why "UHm, AcTuAlly Im RITe and I DoNt NeEd To ChANge At All"
I've always found the childfree subreddit to be very toxic. I remember one post where someone was complaining about pregnant women in the work force and they were saying how pregnant women are so selfish and lazy and it just made me really uncomfortable. It was like they had this hatred for pregnant women and it was just weird.
I left that sub due to a post and a couple hundred comments discussing how “disgusting”, “alien”, “grotesque”, and “unnatural” pregnant bodies are. When I pointed out that this was really vile body shaming I was chewed up and spit out. These days I refuse to engage with people who say they want respect and then flex their bizarre fixation for shaming and degrading other human beings as if it’s funny.
Yeah I follow that subreddit and my usual gut reaction is “oh it isn’t that bad!” But then I remember I skip over a lot of posts. I get unnerved by pregnant bodies but that is entirely a me problem.
I have tokophobia, which is a fear of pregnancy and birth, so my wish to be child free is very much attached to maintaining my mental health. However, I love kids. I'm a teacher, and the reason I chose to be one is because kids are just far superior to adults. I also just want to be a role model and inspire kids to be creative and curious. I'm a huge advocate for kids and seeing them and treating them like humans with their own personalities and desires separate from their parents. I want to respect kids' developmental stages while also treating them with as much "grown up" human dignity as possible.
I realized by this that I also fear birthing and pregnancy, pertaining to myself! I wouldn't consider it a phobia for myself, though. I think part of it is I enjoy the concept of raising something in my own body and experiencing what that might be like, but I am also completely terrified. Not only just by how it might feel in a body and how careful you need to be, but also how much of a health risk it is, for both you and your child. That is terrifying. It is terrifying to face the possibility of dying during birth or having a miscarriage against many other possibilities. I think this also applies to everything beyond that. Taking care of a child means being responsible for someone's life and mind, every single second up until they move out, but even then it'll still be an amount of responsibility to help them. And during all of that, also being responsible for yours. That is so overwhelming.
It took me forever to accept that I didn’t want to have a child. Even though apparently I had been saying it since I was a child myself. I have been writing that I didn’t want kids in my journals since I was a teenager. I kept being told I would want one eventually….when I met the right person….when I turned 30….when I became financially stable….when I realized I was getting to old to have them etc etc. I am 42 now and nope, none of that was true. Turns out I always knew I didn’t want one, I was just made to feel I wasn’t allowed not to want one. If you are younger and reading this, please trust yourself!
I’ve never understood hating children. Everyone was once a child, everyone was once a little annoying crying baby and a toddler throwing a tantrum. Children are innocent little beings, being formed into people still. No reason to hate them. Let them live, let them learn, and let them enjoy their childhood. Lovely video as always Tara! Hope we see the cow next video 🥺
I mean, I was once half a sperm cell and I don't have to like them, lol. I don't think "you were a kid once" is a very strong argument. Kids are vulnerable and underprotected is far stronger.
I personally didn't enjoy my childhood. I always wanted to grow up as fast as possible because being under the care of other adults made me weak and vulnerable. It was hard having to take care of myself as a child, it was harder doing so with toxic parents and other toxic adults around me. I started viewing kids as vulnerable and weak creatures who are probably all being abused. And most likely a lot are. I started hating children because when I looked at them, I saw my younger self, how I had to fight to exist, how horrible it was for me. When I looked at kids, I saw a pitiful creature who will suffer. It's bizarre to imagine this, but this is a reason for disliking kids. Sometimes it's hard to realize that you're more effed up than you'd like to admit
@@sin3358 this reminds me of "the abused becomes the abuser". Kudos to the people who recognise their own trauma and take action to heal, but to those who don't I want to say that taking it out on kids isn't really dealing with it. You don't have to like them, but please don't treat them like shit. (One can be indifferent to them and still be a good human being and help a lost kid when they come across it once in a blue moon, just don't berate them for existing).
As a neurodivergent adult who grew up out of touch with my own feelings and needs to an extent I'm only now beginning to understand, it breaks my heart to see how often people ignore, scold, or contradict children when they try to express themselves. I've watched kids say "my stomach hurts" only for their loving, lefty parents to respond, "no, it doesn't." To me, having unclouded access to your feelings at all, let alone the ability to convey them to someone, is such a rare and precious thing, a lofty goal for me now - it's absolutely tragic to watch that instinct being beaten out of a kid in real time. I think it teaches them not to trust themselves and that there's nowhere they'll ever be able to go for true psychological safety. It throws away the opportunity to nurture a sense of healthy introspection that would have built their emotional skills, self-advocacy, and empathy. I'm incredibly privileged and I experienced little to none of what the culture at large would recognize as abuse, but I still turned out traumatized, probably because I was surrounded by behaviorist conditioning cues that teach us to understand and evaluate ourselves from the outside in.
This is a legit thing. I had a dad who always validated my feelings and damn it I'm gunna pass on my skills to any and all little and big ones I can 🥺💖 it was crazy as a kid to go to school or my mums or nannas and be told "no it doesn't"
@@3_m_1_7Nothing is apolitical, certainly not childrearing - but to be clear I'm a leftist myself and I only referenced lefty parents to say that I think this is a problem in most families, including many of the "good" ones.
I find them overwhelming… sensory stuff, draining, anxious. It’s not like it’s a phobia of kids. It’s an aversion to their energy. I just can’t. Mentally, I’ve got no capacity. It’s bad enough coping in busy environments with adults.
Same here. I have 2 friends left - one who has kids of her own & another who is CF - all because they try to push their agenda of child engagement or ask you to provide services for them because they chose to continue their genetic line.
@@FigmentForever "Continue their genetic line" lol If the internet wasn't a hate generator, you could also consider it "creating the service workers that sustain your DINK lifestyle".
I'm child free by choice, but I'm an aunt to 5, and I love those kids so much. Even cutting out family relationships, you know how much joy I get from being the one to tell kids that skeletons are real? So much! Literally treat them like they are just small adults and you're usually good. You can also establish pretty early on that you don't want to hang around them. They pick the ones they want to play with because those are the ones who will usually play with them. They're not idiots, they understand that going to the person who ignores them won't get them anywhere. Besides, amusing kids is easy. I kept mispronouncing soda names to my niece and "Pepis" made her laugh every time. Her idea of a joke was "Oklahoma". Easy.
Wwll intentioned but. A) they're not little adults. Treatinf them like they are is part of why these whiny actual adults find(irrationally) so unreasonable that they cry or that they smell sometimes or don't regulate their emotions the same way. B) It's not fine to dislike them. "I dislike women, just can't stand them. I never say it tonthrm but don't like them." Not so benign now, is it. Golden rule. Simple as. Treat others as yiu wish to be treated. Don't like being hated for just being who you are? Then do not do it to other people. Simple as.
@@Nai-qk4vp Sorry, I don't know where you got that I think it's fine if you dislike children? I said it was fine if you didn't want to play with them. And I stand by "Treat them like small adults" but by this I mean that you shouldn't baby-talk them treat them like they are unintelligent. Keep your topics age appropriate obviously, but kids are whole human beings who you should treat with respect. Hope that clears up my comment.
Honestly I think I'll always dislike most kids. I still try to get on their level when talking to them, and protect them from emotional and physical harm. However, I personally can't enjoy being around them. I had to take care of kids constantly growing up, and it made me aware of all the downsides that come with being basically anywhere near them.
It's just like you should treat people in general, but I think a lot of people don't realize that children are people. You just gotta deal with them the way you would an adult (as in getting on their level and other things people subconsciously do with adults).
Same, a lot of it is the noise for me. I really hate screaming and crying from babies and toddlers in public. But older kids like 8 or so are easier to ask about their interests or what theyre doing. Will i play pretend with them? No. I did a lot of that when i was a kid with my nieces (8y younger than me). But i can ask them questions or give them suggestions they can actually do something with. Babies and toddlers i cant even relate to. Personally im never having kids and will never take care of someone elses kids. But once theyre older i wont mind having them around for like museums, cosi, etc.
I was in the custody of a child hating adult, as a young child myself. It was really rough. Being told by someone that they hate kids, when you yourself are a small child really messes your head up. At least it messed mine up. She didn’t end up adopting me or anything, thank god…but she did torment me for a couple years.
As someone who works with kids (middle school teacher) and doesn't want them, it always hurts to see people who hate children. Kids are endlessly creative and present such exciting perspectives, even when theyre being goofy. With the age range I teach tho I notice they are also so hyperaware of disdain from others, especially from the adults in their lives. I think its selfish and unempathetic to be so brazen about disliking children, especially to children, when at the end of the day they are literally just people who are learning how to be people.
I love this comment! I've been saying similar stuff in this comments section as well (a little embarrassing, perhaps, that I'm scrolling to read comments, but oh well, lol). I think it's fine to not specifically enjoy kids, or even to be annoyed by them - they can be annoying! - but as someone who wants to work with kids in my eventual career (I'm still in school), I similarly find them so spectacular. They're learning and growing, and like you say, they pick up on judgement from others way more than people think they do. I wish people would be more careful and respectful. (PS: the age range I want to work with is 3-5, so a very different group from your students, but I feel the same way about them even at that young age, which goes to show that even "toddlers"/kindergarteners are more interesting that people give them credit for and should be respected more than people do right now!!)
It's wild to me that people can be so defensive about their supposed right to hate our literal future. Like those kids are going to grow into adults that make decisions. How have we become so detached from caring about that? We put a lot of emphasis on kids only being their parents responsibility but that is actively denying the realty that they interact with the whole world
But this people are not being brazen about disliking children to children they are venting on reddit in a subreddit made for that, there are some people who have really wild opinions but just disliking them is fine, you can dislike things and still respect it.
@@riribeasley4741 Because we are odten forced to care about them and forced to sacrifice things for them even when they are not ours, and you are assuming I care about the future of humanity, I don't. Also, most people who dislike children go out of their way to not have to interact with them and be part of their lives, so I don't see why it would be their responsability.
Very big agree. People see a few kids have a temper tantrum and assume there all like that and that they have no value or redeeming qualities as such. If you actually spend some time around different children you’ll realize they are well… human. Some are quiet and polite, others are rowdy and energetic, but many of them can actually be not as annoying as you would expect. Yes some kids are hellish, but some grown adults are to. Many things adults accuse children of acting like I had never done as a child, not many other kids I knew.
I'm a little late to the party but the whole downplaying or frowning upon childrens' joy is soooo real like I remember always being told to "lower my voice" "be quiet" my dad actually said to me "could you just not laugh right now?" which.... anyways. And now, fifteen years after that they're all "oh but you used to be so funny ans talkative as a kid, what happened?". I do feel uncomfy around most kids because I don't want to say or do anything that might make them feel rejection and I just don't know how to engage with them but I appreciate their laughter and their lack of filter so much after everything that's happened
To me it feels like a huge flag when people say they hate children. I had one person I was hanging out with when they laughed at a child getting hurt, saying they deserved it. Haven't been able to look at them or hangout with them since.
as a lesbian that came to term with my desire to have a child after years of battling internalised lesbophobia and of saying i didn't like kids to escape heteronormativity (when i've actually always loved them!) this video means so much to me ! there's really something to be said about how present that "children suck" mentality is in some parts of the queer community... for anyone that's interested in that subject, i'd recommend reading the third part of Maggie Nelson's On freedom, "Riding the blinds".
I think the "where are her parents" comments on the arcade tik tok are important! This little girl is seemingly alone and went to two teens/adults who berated her instead of.... asking about her parents. Arcades are a hotspot and leaving a child alone is dangerous
For a few years, I used to think I hated kids. But after some insightful posts (a few of which came from the childfree subreddit) I realised that I didn't actually hate kids, I just dislike loud/sudden noises like children screaming and crying but the same goes for adults or teens who scream or cry. I'm just mostly annoyed now at parents/caretakers who let their kids cry for ages without trying to find a good solution to make the kid stop crying. I also tend to feel uncomfortable when kids get close to me, but that's because they're more unpredictable than adults in what they say and what kind of answer they want and I realised that again, the same can happen with other older people. So thats how I realised I don't hate kids, but they tend to more often do things that I dislike or make me uncomfortable, which is why I am childfree.
I'm sure some of this comes from getting tired of being asked when you plan to get married and have kids and wanting to make sure no one ever asks you that again, but it's...a bit much
I feel like a lot of the scorn and frustration towards kids is because they demand the patience, love, attentiveness, and care that we’re uncomfortable recognizing that we needed/still need. But either way, it can be a both-and. Children deserve respect and adults who aren’t interested in parenting deserve respect as well.
But this isn't really about adults who aren't interested in parenting. This is about weirdos who are actively cruel/mean for no valid reason to them, going out of their way to make posts and comments ranting and raving about how much they hate kids. Children have literally zero ability to control their emotions or how the react to different situations. If someone doesn't like kids, avoid them, disengage, wear headphones, SOMETHING. Just don't be gross by hating them them for what they cannot control all over the internet and in real life. Plus, natural dislike and/or jealousy is valid. Extreme hatred, not so much imo.
@@SpineyAsteroid I hear you. I think there’s going to be a lot of “wellll people are hateful to those who don’t want to have kids too!” so I was trying to cover that side rather than excuse blatant cruelty.
@@SpineyAsteroid I don't like kids, but I'm forced to be around them every family gathering. Hell, they'll let their toddlers run loose unless I'm the one who has to get up and corall and/or entertain them while they eat. There is no option for people who don't like children to just get away from them. That's why I've started telling people, "I hate kids." Otherwise if I say, "I don't like them." They say, "Well, you'll like this one!" Or "You'll love them when they're your own." Telling people that you hate kids is the only way to get them to stop pushing children onto you.
@@EC-jd9ej It seems to me that having and enforcing boundaries about how you’ll spend your time at family gatherings would be a lot more healthy and productive?
While I had a "I hate kids" phase as a teenager, that was solely because EVERY SINGLE ADULT was trying to make me pop one out. Whenever an adult would ask me "do you have a boyfriend?" all I could hear was "whose baby are you having?" Didn't help that I lived in a place where teen pregnancy was very common. I actually like children when they are born. It's the pregnancy part that grosses me out. Although I can tolerate it when it's someone else who is pregnant, it's simply the thought of being pregnant myself that is gross (and other women being pregnant reminds me that I could be, which is unpleasant). Since I was diagnosed, I've also known that it's better for me to avoid nonverbal children: but that isn't a hate thing. It would just not be very responsible to interact frequently with a child who couldn't tell me what they want in words.
Can someone explain to me what the point of this argument is? Do I have to like everything I was in the past? I'm pretty sure most people are happy they grew past their teenage self for example
So? I'm sure I wouldn't have liked myself if I could have met myself then. Actually I don't, from what I know from videos and stuff. What's your point? Do you think it's a big revelation to ppl who hate children that oh wow they once were children themselves? I specifically don't want children bc I saw first hand what a mess it is and how most parents are really stressed out by their children. And bc I'm just not interested in children. I prefer to engage with ppl who aren't dependent on me for their everything
I’m so glad someone is talking about this. It’s honestly disturbing. So many videos of newborns and toddlers with comments about their looks and how they “HATE” random children.
I have a stuttering (since the age of 10, I'm now 37) that only goes away when I talk to children and animals. I had a very traumatic childhood and I learned early on to be wary of adults. I remember thinking every time I met a new adult " is this person safe? Can I trust them or should I avoid them?" I remember thinking this way already at the age of 4-5. Because of my experiences I don't understand this weird intentese dislike of children at all. Yeah, some of them can be loud and/or annoying but all my traumas were caused by adults when I was very young.
That video of the little boy was so heart breaking to me because I remember being in that same situation so many times and how horrible I felt. It’s really sad to see how many adults treat their and other peoples children like they aren’t people
We don't really have the full context here, but, from the tone of the mom's voice, I lean towards giving the parents the benefit of the doubt. It sounds like this is the 100th time they've asked their kid to clean their room and that the kid has protested. He is more than old enough to know that he's responsible for keeping his room neat. There doesn't need to be a mature conversation about it every time it has to happen. I used to be a brat every time it was time for bed. I knew damn well I needed to go to bed at a certain time. I would still complain about it and give my parents a hard time every night. What are they supposed to do? Explain to and convince me that it's time for bed and why I need to go to bed. Are we supposed to have a conversation about my feelings and concerns every night about a necessary, routine task? No, of course not. At a certain point, kids know the expectations and responsibilities around routine tasks in their lives. If they refuse to do them, then firmness and consequences are not a remotely unreasonable response. The TikToker's comparison to doing the same thing to an adult is a false equivalency. Adults generally don't roll around on the floor and refuse to do tasks in an effort to get someone else to do it for them or not do them all together. I think it's pretty unlikely that this kid is truly just overwhelmed by this task. I think he probably just doesn't want to do it and is hoping he can make his parents cave by getting them to either do it for him or not make him do it. That was certainly my thinking when I was his age.
Sometimes it's just easier to say "I hate kids" to stop some people from being annoying and rude. I sometimes say I hate kids but really what I mean is that I just really dislike interacting with them - talking, playing, taking care of them. And some people don't buy that. They need to put their nose into your business. I dont really have a reason for not liking/wanting to have children nor do I wish to come up with excuses for other people. So with certain people it's sometimes easier to say that I despise kids to stop the discourse. What I really hate is the societal expectation what I should love kids and always be ready to take care of other people's children just because I'm a grown woman. It's stupid and offensive. But no, I don't really hate kids just for existing, I'm not a misanthrope. They are just the same as most grown ups. Don't hate them but don't love them either.
As a grown woman, maybe learn to redirect your anger towards other grown folks It doesn't matter if you don't actually hate kids or not. At the end of the day, a scary amount of adults do not think kids deserve basic human rights So maybe for a few individuals it will scare them off to leave you alone about having children. But in the long run it adds to this mindset that kids don't deserve protection or human decency
The reason I 'hate' kids (it's the feelings i get being around them that I hate,not the individuals who are just trying to grow and learn in a massive world that is naturally hostile towards them) is due to the whole cocktail of smells, sounds, textures, feelings and sights that overwhelm me. My autism manifests in extreme sensory sensitivity and being around children specifically when they're acting as healthy kids usually do (playing, exploring and interacting exc.) is physically painful. However, I never in a million years would let a child even sense that the discomfort I'm feeling is due to them (masking skills help with that even if they're exhausting). They've done nothing to deserve vitriol even if I don't deserve the pain they indirectly cause either. Treat people with kindness no matter what you're going through, it's always going to be worth it!
right on the same boat. i actually kinda wish that i hadn't that physical reaction towards them because i like their personalities. but i can't stand to be around them for too long. i also don't want to have kids but that's more of a social thing rather than anything else.
Kudos to you honestly, you (unlike most of these people) have an ACTUAL reason to 'hate' kids but recognize they are still people. I think many of these people could learn a thing or two from you. 👏
Me too, I have super bad sensory issues! I don't hate kids, but I also don't really want to be around them! They're way too hyper for me, and their voices can get way too loud. BUT that's not a reason for genuine vitriol against a kid who's just excited about something. There's a HUGE difference between general aversion and actual hatred!
Very glad to see this comment. While I agree with A LOT of this video I get why people have a hard time being around kids and I think they have all the right to express that as long as they are not hurting anyone. Kids are tricky. They don’t act like adults do and can be diffucult to comunicate with but we are still expected to accept this and know how to handle them. Which I honestly think is unfair. I love kids but just like within all age groups, there are some that get’s on your nerves and I think what annoyes some even more is that children got an excuse for bad behavior and parentes don’t think others should express opinions on their parenting.
I'm autistic and I feel very bad about it, but children make me very annoyed. It hurts my heart when I get irrationally angry when a child makes loud noises, but I genuinely can't help it. Plus I don't trust myself to hold a conversation with a kid because I'm awkward and my sense of humor is NOT kid-friendly. I would obviously never intentionally hurt a kid and try to stay out of audibly overstimulating situations. Also I'm honestly APPALLED by adults who have literally no reason to be cruel to kids for merely existing.
THIS! I really wish Tara had used her platform to highlight the neurodivergent side of 'hating' kids (for me I definitely hate, but its the being around kids not the individuals themselves). It feels slightly invalidating that we get lumped in with actual bullies and those who are actively hostile when we just wanna be not subjected to the overwhelming sensory nightmare of children.
@@tinkabouthat8856 I also get overstimulated by children, although not as often as other things and I don't think you're being lumped, mostly because your issue with children is more about the overstimulation than the children themselves. Tara's specifically talking about people who specifically hate children. Being overstimulated by children is just like being overstimulated by anything else and is part of a larger group of everything that causes overstimulation for that person. Plus, not wanting to be around children because the activity of it all distresses you is different than hating children for existing and mock/degrade children and anyone who dares to have them or want them. There's a difference in thought pattern, and reasoning, and expression.
@@tinkabouthat8856 I'm neurodivergent as well and feel all of this, but I would never go to say that I hate children. So I would argue that neurodivergent people should be left out of this argument entirely because they have actual valid reasons for having discomfort around children. What she's talking about seems to be a separate issue. I feel like including that would have just muddied the waters when she has a clear thesis she's trying to present
@@tinkabouthat8856 The way I see it, you don't hate kids.. you hate being overstimulated and kids cause you to be overstimulated. I love large social events, even though they leave me overstimulated and I hate being overstimulated.
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Tara ill be honest with you, im suspicious 🤔 of this so called "cow" who edits your videos, you fail to produce said cow 🐄 🤔 therefore until I actually see this cow sitting on a desk editing your video than I will not believe it.
There are literally parents that hate or dislike children, it's pretty annoying. (All about love : new visions) by bell hooks
Hey girl, hit me up if you need caps! 👍
You are nothing more than a self entitled cow, if someone hates children it's fine.
It is always better to look at EVERYTHING, analyse how you REALLY feel and don't ignore things that are a red flag for you when thinking about having children.
Like how noisy, whiny, messy, expensive, time consuming, germ spreading and self entitled they are not to mention how they add to the cost of living going up and how they damage the environment.
They will also come with their own issues and you have enough of your own without having to deal with someone else's issues, that and the tax payer having to pay out for a child they didn't create is nothing more than taking the piss.
It also encourages people to have them simply for the benefit money and so they don't contribute anything to society, which also leaves them open to neglect among other things.
god, those gentle parenting accounts always make me tear up 😭 every kid deserves to be treated with basic respect and kindness
I SOB when I see them. Literally WAIL
I tear up too. This is the childhood i wished to have.
same, I recommended my mom to check out some of the creator that I really like videos and she said well I don't really think that I need that information... I gave up
I thought I was overreacting to those bur SAME 😭😭😭
@@mikuenjoyerXD gurl I'm so sorry, you must've been heart broken
I’m child free, and children being little people is actually one of the biggest reasons why I’m child free. I know that I don’t have the capacity to take care of a child and I would never want to give someone less than they need. I know what that’s like myself, and it would absolutely break my heart to continue that cycle on someone else.
Yep. My sensory issues and my trauma wont make a good parent. And itd be highly unfair to subject a child to my... Uh less than stellar days. Which is most if not all of them.
I dont like kids. I hate how loud they are.
But I will forever fight against people who harm or push for the abse of children
As an early childhood educator, I have mad respect for people with your perspective. If someone doesn't want kids or doesn't like interacting with them, not having children is absolutely the best decision!
ugh as a childcare professional I see so, so many people who don't have the skills to raise little people so it's refreshing to see someone self aware enough to realize it. parenting really isn't for everyone, but society pushes people so hard towards it that they just go along with it regardless if they actually really want to
That’s exactly why I remained child free. 🎯
I wanted to say something but I couldn’t word it nicely. Lmao
One thing I wanna add is that EVERY experience is, to a child, completely new. When a child scrapes their knee, it is quite literally the worst pain they've experienced in their life. Most times they're never over reacting. To them, a hill looks like a mountain because they've never seen one before.
Thank you for saying this
That's not exactly true. Some kids have scraped their knee many times
BUT I totally agree with the idea of respecting the kid's feelings. It's absolutely ridiculous and toxic to say things like "he just wants attention" or "she's overdramatic"
Even kids who are overacting to get attention are simply doing it to get a psychological need met. It means they aren't being heard (usually by parents or caretakers) until they take it to an extreme. The only way to handle that kind of situation is to hear the kid and respect their feelings, not ignore them or dismiss them
Kids in that situation will usually respond by deescalating their emotions over time, as they learn as they learn they will be heard
@@MaxOakland my point here is saying "if a kid has never EVER been hurt before, a scraped knee is literally the worst pain they've ever experienced, because they haven't felt pain before" but otherwise, you're completely right
@@mothhuuny Oh I understand now, you're right too!
I can hate kids if I want to. It doesn’t mean I want to kill them or hurt them. I just don’t want to hear your kid scream and see you smother them in kisses while they misbehave. Have your kid learn how to act in many spaces then bring them. Take them to places appropriate for them like a play park or a kiddy restaurant. Don’t bring your unremarkable lump to an expensive restaurant. Have respect for adults and stop putting the most useless members of society on a pedestal. Kids aren’t special and having one is even less special.
I was out at the library with my 5 year old nanny kid. She’s working on “inside voices” and regulating her volume. We were in the kids’ section. She said one thing slightly too loud, because she was excited. She quickly remembered, and said, quietly, “oh! Inside voice!” And repeated her sentence quieter. A woman in maybe her late twenties left the adjoining mystery section, came over to us, looked directly at her, and said “you need to behave better in public, or you’re not going to have any friends”. Then she looked at me, and said, “this is why I hate kids. Why would you bring her somewhere you know she’s going to be a nuisance?” My NK might not understand exactly what “nuisance” means, but she sure understands “I hate kids” and the tone of voice. She was subdued and quiet for the next few hours, not like herself at all. It was heartbreaking.
I don’t care if you don’t like kids very much, or don’t want kids. Just please, don’t be a dick to kids. They’re learning how to be people! They’ll get it eventually!
What a miserable POS. I feel so bad for that kid
And she’s going to remember that moment for the rest of her life, I guarantee it. “You’re never going to have any friends” is going to replay in her head in every social interaction, even if she’s not fully aware of it. I would have had a hard time resisting the urge to deck that lady on the spot lol.
Although I don’t have much experience with kids ( I was the younger one until my cousin was born a few years ago) and sometimes I find them annoying, I never blame them for certain behaviours. My cousin, for example, acts out and treats people who take care of her as servants. But that comes entirely from her family. She has her good moments and can show care and love, but was raised spoiled and got all the attention she needed by screaming and hitting. I am actually sorry for her, she might even have an attention disorder or something. But as exhausting as it can be, she deserves love and understanding
Ohhhhhh God, if it were me I would have no longer been allowed to nanny that kid after the words she would have heard me say to that POS she-devil
I'm so sorry you had this experience. A 5- year old should be allowed inside a library. Some kids love books. I can't believe someone would be that irritated just because she said one sentence loud. I'm childfree but love kids (not all but definitely the well behaved ones) especially little girls who often remind me of my childhood.
The “kids are resilient” and “they won’t remember” responses to mistreatment of children really riles me up. I’ve been in trauma therapy for years to address things that the adults around me didn’t think were a big deal for a small child to experience. And that trauma has affected my adult friendships, my work life, and my dating life. If people would like the adults in their life to be healthy, stable people, then they need to treat children (who grow up to be adults!) with respect and care.
There's also a lot of recent studies showing that even if they're too young to remember (>1) it will still have an effect on them.
you don't have to remember trauma to be physically and mentally affected by it. I'm not just saying this, there is proof.
This. Absolutely. I'm currently in therapy and it's shocking how many "habits" I learned because I was emotionally neglected as a child (still am now as a 28 year old haha). I've always thought I'm the problem since my parents were over all taking care of me and saying they love me because they wanted children so bad, but just wanting them is not enough. Most people I know simply go for it because it's a natural step to have children since society tells us that, but they don't question whether they are ready or even build for it.
I don’t remember much of my childhood but what I do remember mostly was the bad stuff. Primary school was awful to me and I remember all those little comments and looks from the teachers as well.
It's even worse that "they won't remember" cus they'll still be fucked up but not remember why.
a lot of things we find “annoying” we have to keep in mind are also just *developmentally regular* and our feelings wont make that change. kids are just still getting a handle on existing and managing their emotions and its also unpleasant for them
But why is my boyfriend's nephew trying to actively harm his baby sister? Why!? I have witnessed him grab her by the head and try to throw her off the couch. If someone does not give him direct attention, he will actively attack the person getting the attention and I was one of them. Explain this!!!
truth, the kids have a good excuse for it.
@@FeralFelineFriend those are questions to ask a child psychologist because it really sounds like he needs one ASAP. That sort of violent behavior can be a sign of a serious mental illness and needs to be brought to the attention of a professional.
@DemonHaku42 woaaahh! Take that nephew to a professional asap. That is extremely dangerous. It is a sign something is wrong with him.
Yes. Especially when it’s a remark about kids being rowdy, staring at people, saying things with no filter, crying loudly, etc...Because it’s a natural part of development. Kids aren’t born knowing the rules of society, and they have to be the right age before they can even understand the concept of social rules. Little kids express feelings in the rawest form, and how we treat them during that time dictates how they learn to cope with their emotions. And bombarding them with insults and anger only teaches them to bottle everything up inside. They need someone kind and patient to show them healthy ways of coping with strong emotions
The saying "They won't remember what you did but they'll remember how you made them feel" applies double to children. Can I name every instance where an adult figure has made me feel bad or unsafe? No. But I do know the adults I knew it was safe to go to when I needed help and conscious or not, I remembered traits that made me worry about being near the ones I didn’t.
I have trust issues from shitty things done to me by adults
I'm paraphrasing here but I recall in a podcast that "child abuse" wasn't really considered a thing until the 70's because the idea was "they don't remember anything"
My father started being neglectful and abusive when I was a literal infant. When I was growing up it only became worse, I don't remember him being a 'good dad'. I of course can't remember when I was 3 years old and due to the trauma I experienced when I was older, I can't remember much of that time either. I do remember how I felt tho. Constant fear, panic and anxiety that's with me till my adulthood. The fact that we don't remember what our parents did to us doesn't mean we should be treated that way in the first place. I don't want children for multiple reasons but being afraid of turning into my father if I have children is definitely one of them. I just don't want to hurt another innocent human being that will live with the trauma till their last days
bruh i remember how my dad made me feel
I recently talked to my mom about how my dad made me feel when I was younger, which was nothing, since I had no real connection to him. I was surprised that she didn't think I noticed. I'm going to get better now that we do have a connection tho
In the same vein, I just find the treatment of anyone pregnant by both sides of the child stance just gross
“I hate kids” folks tend to view them with disgust or reduce their intelligence to “breeder”, while traditionalists reduce them to incubators
Both objectify and dehumanise
There's a pregnant girl at my work and all the comments about her make me feel uncomfortable. It's all about her pregnancy. I'm one of the only people there who doesn't have a kid and it is weird sometimes
Then there is people in the middle who tell you to your face that you are a smug, emotional and scared hormonal person, making comments about your body etc "as a joke". When you are just vibing.
I dont get it
Thank you... Speaking from experience, both tend to think they have a right to touch you when pregnant, too. Incubator enthusiasts get all gropey to 'feel the baby'; very gross. Breeder haters are just plain abusive at times. Also very gross, and much ouch. 0/10 would not recommend.
As someone who hates most kids, I do hate the idea of pregnancy, even the word is gross and I find people who are **that**, gross but I think it's because of a phobia.
Child development is something that should be taught. It can really help people grow a lot of empathy for children who aren't "behaving" as they'd like. I'm unlearning a LOT of stuff as I'm raising my son to be an emotionally intelligent person.
honestly it's important to have patience with kids in many cases.
I feel like child development isn't something that's taught more the teaching causes the child to develop Although I could just be overthinking this
@@nictrident4392 I think they mean that the stages of child development should be taught, to non children.
@@nictrident4392 I meant that adults should learn the stages of child development.
@@iheartmusic41 i c
as a full time babysitter in manhattan, it always floors me how most adults, and especially the children’s parents, do not see or respect the personhood of their children. they only seem to enjoy children when they are behaving in ways that align with their adult sensibilities, which is a lot to ask of a child who has barely begun to navigate the world. when kids act out, adults don’t ask themselves why the child may feel this way, or try to work with the child to find an amenable solution - they just get frustrated and act like the child’s desires and emotions are wholly unreasonable and purposefully obstructive.
I’ve actually had to go down to part-time recently because full-time babysitting was just breaking my heart. kids would often say things to me like “you’re the only person who listens to me” or would have breakdowns right after their parent came home because all of those expectations and the behavioral strictness that they didn’t have to perform throughout the day come crashing back onto them. parents would complain to me that their children would be having more outbursts when i’m not there, and I’ve had to bite my tongue as to not say that the kids rarely have outbursts with me, and they probably have more outbursts with the parents because they now know what being fully respected feels like, and the parents do not afford them that respect in the slightest.
kids are just little people learning to navigate the world, and it hurts to see exactly the ways in which they are being broken starting at such young ages. and i’m not able to say much of anything to the adults in their life about it, because parents will accuse me of telling them how to parent. and honestly, I am telling them how to parent to a certain extent, but most parents don’t like to hear that they’re doing a bad job, or even that there are areas in which they could improve.
all I can do is make the time I have with the children be as kind and accepting and validating as possible, so that when they are sent back into the harsher world they at least know what it feels like to be loved, respected, and understood - and eventually maybe they’ll be able to ask for those things from the adults in their lives that don’t give it to them.
God this is so important... that's why I think not everyone should have kids, it just creates more trauma in these little ppl :(
Wow, you encapsulated my thoughts exactly. I may not be the one awwing and pulling out my phone to take pictures, but when a child is in my care, I want to show them kindness, respect, and affection in the hopes that it would be one of many positive formative experiences that will offer them some cushion and sense of security as they grow up and navigate adulthood. I'm not a proponent of bringing more children into a very broken world, but I believe we should care for and love the ones that are already here. It's unfair how often adults choose to have children for their own sake (ego, vanity, security, purpose), but fail to offer that child healthy guidance because they themselves are wholly unprepared to be this child's everything.
children are precious. the fact that parents can believe their 2 yr old is manipulative and NOT think it would have anything to do with them, the hypocrisy
This is one of the most clear and concise and important things I've read on the internet this month, at least.
I think it even got some new perspective on things that happened when I was growing up.
Thank you for writing, and thank you so much for caring. You and the kids you take care of deserve better.
This was me in high school. I was a neglected child and had a bunch of younger siblings so I became very aware of how possessive and dismissive parenting can effect little kids, and I’ve just always been very gentle and patient with them.
I babysat a ton in high school bc my mom wouldn’t even buy soap or groceries for us once we were old enough to have jobs and bc my family had a lot of work friends who were surgeons who needed A LOT of last minute child care.
I’d sit down and let these kids pick out what they wanted to watch or what music they wanted to listen to, I’d play games with them and play with their toys or just play pretend, I’d let them pick what food they wanted to eat within reason and help me prepare it, I’d ask them about school and their friends and what things they liked, I’d let them pick out books and decide if they wanted me to read it to them or just help them with words…. Basically, I treated them like little people and gave them autonomy and attention and let them control the things about their lives that weren’t absolutely critical to their safety and well-being, and they wound up loving it so much I’d get invited to birthday parties bc the kids considered me a friend and asked to come over and just play with the kids while their parents were home but busy. It was both really sweet and really sad to see kids try to cling to me when their actual parents showed up instead of being glad they’re back.
IDK, people try to act like kids are possessions or like they should be held to the same standards as adults and it’s like…. But they’re not tho, and acting that way from the point of view of an adult, a parent, is messed up bc you should know better and have power in the situation but you’re using it to crush someone without the capacity to really understand why.
i definitely had a lightbulb moment when i realized that my discomfort around children stemmed from my sensory issues. Yes, i think they're loud and smelly and sticky a lot of the time, which is very overwhelming to me. But i'm an adult now. I get to set boundaries, find healthy coping mechanisms and remove myself from uncomfortable situations. I can take my needs seriously and still show children the respect and warmth that i wish i got as a kid.
One of my fave interactions with a kid was when i pretended not to know what minecraft is and asked him to explain it to me. He was so excited that an adult cared about what he liked!
It's the sensory issues for me too.
@@yoursnotmine1996 same, also the reason why I can't be around dogs (and some other animals, but mostly dogs since they are everywhere) for long even though I'm a huge animal lover. I get so much hate for this but they are extremely overwhelming to me, I can't help it.
True. Sensory issues mixed with social anxiety. When I interact with children, I feel judged. First, by the child and second, by all the adults around me, first front the parents, of course, who will decide how good and capable a person I am based on how well I can handle the interaction with the child. It stresses me out enourmosly. It actually goes back to when I was a child myself and was left alone with a baby or a toddler (of my parents friends, since I don't have younger siblings). And of course they would start crying and the mother would rush back and comfort them and I felt ashamed and guilty as if I did something wrong or failed a task when maybe the grown ups shouldn't have left me with a small child that couldn't even speak yet in the first place. So yes, the interaction with children and the expectation to act the right way around them gives me stress and sometimes anxiety, but I would never conclude that I hate children. How can you hate someone for having a certain age?
This is so kind! Great comment!
Same here. I hate the fact that a lot of things are loud because my ears can't take the punishment and, sadly, kids tend to be loud.
What I normally do is not give two cents of a fuck and cover my ears. If someone asks, I'll just tell them loud noises overwhelm me.
”There’s nothing edgy or quirky about hating a vulnerable group of people.” 👏👏👏
What're they gonna do about it, cry?
Oh wait-
@@Ray-dar lmao 💀 fr
Children are vulnerable? Those little critters are straight up dangerous
@@ganymede8257 bruh
Thats like it if people hated other living vulnerable things. I hate animals lol especially those annoying dogs and cats. Oh wait-
I've always said I disliked children because I disliked the idea of me becoming a parent. I'm wayyyy too impatient, careless, and selfish to care for a child, but I would NEVER be mean or bully a child. I understand that they are people, children who are just trying to grow and learn. In fact, I wish more parents and people treated children like people who have their own feelings and emotions; they're no just robots that do what you want.
Sameeee, I have a lot of little cousins and, even though I don't like being around them, they always follow me around and one of my aunts told me is because I treat them the same way I treat everyone else, so I don't babytalk to them, I just talk normally with them about whatever they wanna talk about
@@abrilmerino6654 Your family is right. Kids are drawn to people who don't other them.
A lot of people view their children almost as living possessions. It's...upsetting to witness, to say the least.
@@abrilmerino6654 Yeah, same here. I generally have a vague dislike towards children, but it doesn't really manifest physically at all, even if my sensorial issues are flaring all the way up (yay neurodivergence). They're tiny humans with personalities of their own and deserve to be treated equally with respect. I listen to their (seemingly) nonsensical ramblings and reply with simple but intriguing questions in return. Besides, I'm someone with considerate hyperactivity and love to run and play with them. They seem to love me for that and it's pretty neat, just like being accepted by the neighborhood street cats. It's kind of a honor to be elected as a "favorite person" by a kid, even if I don't really have a naturally extreme fondness towards them. They deserve the best, because everything they will feel and become generally depends on how well they are going to be treated at this age.
Yeah, same. Im not really suit it become a parent. Im too childish. Irresposible. And yes, i View children as a Person like and still really support their boundaries.
Fundamentally, hating other human beings for existing and/or hating them for having physical, mental, and emotional qualities they have no control over, is wrong. Simple as that.
Very well said!
I dislike all humans, just for kinds of behaviour most of us are predisposed to. I am just asocial. Even in social species there are few asocial individuals. Most of human behaviour is very annoying to me. I prefer to spend 99.9% of time alone.
I don't see how that makes me bad or wrong. After all, I also feel those feelings innately, and cannot stop them
@@KateeAngel this comment was about hatred, and you said you just dislike people, that's a bit different. though I guess if you're not an asshole no one can stop you if you truly dislike everyone.... doesn't seem very healthy though.
Ehhh it’s not wrong to hate mentally ill abusers though. They might be doing their best, but they’re still abusive. For kids, certain things are developmentally appropriate, for adults though… we could use programs to teach people how to behave appropriately with other human beings that’s separate from how people are raised (I know it’s unrealistic, just a wish to get adults full matured and emotionally intelligent before they go make other peoples’ lives miserable)
@@ritaantosik6659 why bring mental illness into it? I'm severely mentally ill (mostly because of the abuse ironically) and have been abused by other mentally ill people, but it wasn't the illness that caused it, they still made conscious decisions to be abusive.... it's not like being mentally ill suddenly turns on some sort of switch in your brain that makes you do horrible things, thinking it is is not only ableist but gives abusers an "excuse" for their actions....
“… how bone deep terrifying it is to be a child and know that you cannot decide what adults do to you”-John Greene (The Anthropocene review p.189)
Wow this hits different
Not just adults, but other children as well.
As an adult you don't have control of how other adults treat you, but you can always leave the situation. Even a bad job can be walked away from. But as a child I had no option to get away from the toxic job (school) I was at. I didn't matter how much my colleagues (other students) abused me, my bosses (teachers) would do nothing about it and I wasn't allowed to quit.
*John Green
Apparently, threaten them with violence like the kid in the tik tok and get in a strangers way that is just having their turn in an arcade.
@@LikeTheProphet believe it or not John Green is actual,y one of my favorite authors. And Anthropocene review is a good book for a person with too much thoughts.
"I need to heal my inner child 🥺" and then they proceed to be grown adults verbally abusing and threatening children for existing
ikr
that whole thing of "healing my inner child" is so corny and dumb lfaooo they're always the most priviledged and gross mfs on earth ever too
@@achuparpichulamaracoql FR
Well they r mostly projecting some issues from the past i guest
Easier said than done.
I had a 'I hate kids phase' in my teens and I think it's similar to the pick-me phase in that you think something is expected of you as a woman so you harshly assert that you hate them because you are scared of the expectation of becoming a mother. It doesn't help that the mothers around us often are very stressed and overworked because they still do the majority of the parenting/household while ALSO having a job.
Now I absolutely love kids, although I don't want kids of my own.
Sameeeeee ugh 😂
This- for the longest time I thought I hated kids because no other way of telling people I do not wish to become a mother worked, they always just went "oh you will grow out of it".
And I did grow out of projecting my feelings onto kids. I thankfully became aware that I can both like children and do not want to have my own ever.
This is so relatable. I thought I hated children until I started teaching them private music lessons. Children are actually so interesting and smart! They’re capable of having deeper conversations, and a lot of the time, are more open to those conversations because they haven’t been socialized to think it’s weird to just say whatever’s on their mind yet. I still don’t want my own, but I do love working with and talking to children!
I think most women that don’t wanna be moms has experienced this because like you said, societal expectations that are put on you and not the boys in your family and always the ‘you’ll grow out of it talk’, but I think that liking kids and not wanting your own aren’t mutually exclusive, unfortunate that most people don’t see it that way in both the ‘I hate kids crowd’ and ‘how dare you not have kids’ crowd
This is so true, I had the exact same phase in my teens. It wasn't helped by all of the adults around me saying "just wait, when you're older your maternal instinct will kick in"... etc. I'm 25 now and I like kids, I think they're so funny, but there's still no sign of the "maternal instinct" for me!
And when you’re a “good/easy/quiet” kid, you’re ignored. I intend to be child-free the rest of my life and don’t particularly love kids, but whenever I encounter them I try to be a sweet/attentive/encouraging as possible because I remember being their age desperate for anyone to actually acknowledge my needs. It took such a toll on my mental and physical health before even the age of 10 :((
I had the same experience as a kid all the way through adolescence with just being ignored because I was too quiet, which turned into a social anxiety problem, thinking that no one wanted to listen or talk to me because I was annoying, and a self-worth problem because it felt I wasn't good enough to pay attention to. I'm 27 and still dealing with these things. Though I intend the opposite of you. My partner and I can't have biological children, so we're going to adopt and I want to be able to give the parenting to them I didn't get. Same with my desire to be a teacher, since a lot of the being ignored happened in school.
This is exactly how I feel seeing my boyfriend's younger cousins act at their family's house. Both girls tried so hard to not be picked apart by their new mom that they became so quiet and invisible to everyone around them. Everyone praises how good and easy they are, but it never sits well with me because they clearly have asked multiple times for psychological help and no one ever listens. My heart goes for these girls, they deserve so much better.
Gosh, reading these comments makes me want to cry. Idk, maybe there’s just some comfort in knowing that I’m not alone and there are people that went through the same stuff as I did. I’m still tackling issues with social anxiety. I just quit my grocery store job because it was overwhelming and my parents got angry at me for wanting to work in a space with less people/less noise. “How can you expect to not work with people? You’re never going to find a job” “You have to learn to deal with it” I’m planning to speak to my university therapists about this. It’s time I finally seek proper help.
@@parkchimmin7913 There's plenty of jobs that are less socially intensive than retail, like programming, it's the first that comes to mind. You'll still have meetings and perhaps do teamwork, but you don't fully depend on social interactions. I'm a librarian and work in a document center but, when I first got my job, my focus was solemnly on classifying and cataloguing, while my coworkers did all the reference service. They all knew I'm extremely shy and, since it's my first job, knew I needed to build enough confidence before fully committing to the social side of librarianship, so they helped me in this process. In the information era, specially at this point in tech advances, the amount of social interactions needed can be pretty flexible. You can do this, don't let your parents put you down
@@anceptus Thank you 😭
It's so strange to me the concept of "They won't remember it" they're like specifically the group that will remember everything you do even if subconciously. Children are learning machines. They know so little and as such the brain is always taking in everything to learn and rationalize. It's why they don't have good emotional regulation. It's just crazy.
Children have an insanely good memory too and a lot of people underestimate that.
The only things I agree children wont remember are the lavish birthday parties that some parents throw while you know they havent paid back the debt they owe you! 😂😂😂😂😂
@@AllTheArtsy As someone who never had parties because of neglect, I remember a lot of my friend's nice parties.
I’ve never heard someone say that about a kid over 3. I swear around babies but not older kids.
@@aviendha1154 I've definitely heard people say it about kids.
I used to hate kids. I eventually learned that I was actually extremely jealous of them for getting to be kids. I was abused throughout my entire childhood and was deprived of every simple joy and pleasure that those years could have brought me as a wide eyed, innocent girl. Through inner child work and catering to all of the things my little self would have wanted and craved, I see kids as myself, a human being deserving of love and kindness.
I really admire you for being able to get to the root of how you felt 🥹❤️
I love that for you :) I am wanting to work on that too, but I'm not sure now. I so much want to pursue my interests through the eyes of my inner child.
Have you revisited pro choice movements yet. They deserve the same love and protection in the womb too
I've come to understand I'm in the limbo, I know why I dislike being around kids so much, and I know how much my attitude can impact them. But I still can't bring myself to change that, I can't stand even my own nephew. All I can do is try and stay away, and tell him to not bother with me, that I can go get food myself, I can get my own plate in the table, don't need anything.
I don't want him to think I don't care. I wish he hadn't been on the brink of diabetes. Wish he was shown the fun of exercise so he would grow as much as he can. That people would have the patience of finding and understanding the way he learns stuff. But, I, just can't.
I used to say I hate children, but, it is just an easy way to not show the vulnerability that pushes the narrative. The feeling of envy, the craving that resurfaces. I speak the most about helping and understanding children, even though I myself can't do it, because I know what happens when you don't. I am still trying to overcome this emotion of being just, a placeholder, an anchor to stop my mother from suicide.
Not everyone can deal with children, and that is fine. But we should all address the reasons why some people genuinely can't stand them, because if not, our own story of hatred will keep going. And I don't wish these emotions on anyone else, not even the people who've wronged me. I'd just have them become aware, and try and remedy even a bit of what they've done, for others.
@@notatheory4488 the choice is on the hands of the people involved and no one else. You may discuss the ethics of it, but if you're not even gonna feed the child, guarantee them a safe place to grow, then there's nothing you have to do. I wouldn't have the irresponsibility of bringing a child, knowing I don't have the means nor skills to properly raise them, and if it came to be about me, I wouldn't stop my partner from choosing abortion.
There's enough orphan children, abandoned children, around the globe, that need even more support. It is fine to say that the fetus deserves to live, because it is true, what has the fetus done wrong? Nothing. What have those abandoned children done wrong to deserve being forgotten in pursue of gaining genetic property? Nothing.
Choices have consequences.
we’re only a few generations away from a time when children were expected to obey, stop crying, be seen and not heard. it’s not hard to see where this attitude originates from
And it would be nice to be somewhere in between. When kids are fine about hitting their teachers, we've got some thinking to do about how we parent. Teaching a kid to wait her turn (& no arcades are not somewhere kids routinely go. At least not in the UK) is not adultifying her.
@@annabizaro-doo-dah Yeah, I don't think the women in the video responded well, but you can't just ignore the fact the little girl was being very rude and disrespectful either. If she is old enough that her parents are letting her run around alone, she is absolutely old enough to understand the concept of waiting your turn. And I think the people posing "where are her parents?" Are completely reasonable.
Arcades aren't as frequented by child where I live now, but also arcades here suck, like, 90% of the machines are broken, so I think that is a big factor.
@@annabizaro-doo-dah But that wasn’t the point being made about the adultification, so this is an absolute misunderstanding of the point being made by the TikToker. And frankly that’s very irritating to me as a Black woman. Black girls are called aggressive, angry, manipulative, and disruptive rather than loud, distracted, or overwhelmed. She may have been rude and inpatient in the video but that is a CHILD and it is her parents responsibility to teach her to have manners. To consider her “agressive” is clearly an example of adultification because she’s a child half the size of the grown woman claiming the kid was going to attack her. Like let’s put our thinking caps on. Be for real.
@@alicine-sims8988Yes but there’s also no scenario where calling a literal child a “leech” is kind. So frankly, the adults in the video didn’t have many manners either.
@@steff6146 Like I said at the beginning, the women did not respond well.
I had a kid hating phase in my mid-teens but quickly realized it wasn't that I hated kids, I hated the expecation placed upon me in my culture (as a latin american woman) and resentment at essentially being treated as free childcare to my ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY the moment I started high school.
Exactly! I was raised mormon and I’ve never disliked kids, but the constant expectation for you to be ready and willing to care for other people’s children just because you’re a girl is so fucked.
Right! I’ve been forced into parenting other people’s children since the age of 10. I’d like a break.
For me it was seeing my own childishness that I still had. I don't think I ever claimed to 'hate' children - but I certainly found them very irritating, even when I was a child. Now I give them more slack, even if they are sometimes annoying. I don't give the same slack to adults who should know better.
Omg, THIS!! It's not children but the expectations constantly put upon us.
I identify with this!! And I found myself telling people I hated kids because it was the only way they world take me seriously that I didn’t want any of my own. I ended up having a daughter unintentionally and I love her so much it’s indescribable. I think also my disdain for kids was more misplaced from disliking their parents!! Shitty parents are everywhere and you can usually tell based on their kids behavior.
Kids are so senstive and people treat them like sh*t. It's the reason we have so many terrible adults.
FACTS
It's a cycle that people keep continuing
I think a big problem with these people is that they don’t remember what it was like to be a kid. I have a very good memory and so I remember a LOT about my childhood. But as an adult now I find that most of my friends don’t remember as much as I do. I guess it’s hard to understand why children are acting a certain why when you can’t even remember what being a child is like.
Boy do I remember what it was like being a child. NEVER, EVER. Want to relieve that
I felt deeply helpless a lot of the time, and like I wasn't able to do anything to keep my family from sinking deeper into poverty
But do my friends remember? Not really. All they do is reminisce about high school and the first time they drank
But like...
I remember high school being the worst times 😆
You said it all, I see the same thing. People my age complaining about the youngest when they did the exact same thing. It annoys me all the time, people tend to forget when it's not beneficial to them. Hypocrites... I remember the good and the bad parts of growing up.. and the age I'm now I'm supposed to have kids, I don't know if I want to have them, though. And a very interesting part: I also remember the entitled kids and their entitled parents, but I also remember the nice kids and the nice parents...
No. We hate kids because we don't want to be encouraged to be a parent. Society constantly pressures us to become parents and raise kids, but some people don't want to have kids. I don't want kids. I want to spend my time and money on what I want. I have dreams to accomplish. I don't want to give that up to rise a kid.
@@desensitizedanalyser5624then why don’t you give all that hatred to the society that pressures you rather than to children who didn’t even ask to be here not wanting to have kids doesn’t give anyone a right to hate children or make it their personality traits because children aren’t the one forcing you that logic is flawed
@Angel-fu5xk because they would all beat me down RUTHLESSLY! I'd have no choice but to join their beliefs, in order to escape.
funniest shit is the grown ass adults who obsess over CHILDREN'S cartoons and then get mad when the fandom is full of kids. ma'am. what did you think was going to happen....
[My Little Pony fandom has entered the chat]
Pokemon fans acting like the new games are too easy (they are 35) (the originals were just as piss easy as the new ones)
I wouldn't say I'm obssessed but, I like the show Bluey. It's cute, and I love to watch it when I really just want to turn off my brain, also they have humor that lands with adults. I would never get upset that CHILDERN dominate the fandom. In the same vein I find it REALLY gross when adults into children's cartoons create 18+ fan content of that show i.e fan art, fanfic, etc.
It's the same when they go to parks.
owl house and amphibia... 🤧🤧
i was a compliant kid, and learned very quickly to make space for others and prioratize their needs above mine. Im still unlearning this in therapy to this day! yay!
Same here. In my 20s im finally learning how to set boundaries, say no, and do what's right for me and makes me comfortable. Im finally allowed to take up space.
I was a very emotional but ultimately obedient kid. I did everything I was told and it’s taken decades to start untangling that :(
@@bufomyguy same. Like, exactly the same. My father used to treat me as a prop - "look how well behaved she is! She comes with me wherever I go" (he literally didn't allow me out of his eyesight until age 12) - and props don't cry. They don't misbehave. They just stand there and smile
facts
to the point where I eat myself alive every time I do something as trivial as say “no” to somebody because I was a pushover and was scared to break the rules. It’s hard to break out of that mentality.
Same. It’s so exhausting. I’m finally unlearning this now myself.
i used to be called a crybaby, whiny, too sensitive, etc. and now ive been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, that manifested itself as early as five years old. even if i dont consciously remember any trauma that happened to me back then, it has still affected me greatly during adult life and now im mentally ill .-.
please be careful when you talk to kids, their body will keep the score
Exact same issue🤝
same. i'm only now starting to get better myself. : (
Damn... :( I hope you get well soon!! it's so damn sad
same, no one ever took me seriously and always told me I was overly sensitive as a child, so I learned to mask my emotions instead of processing them. It wasn't until I was 19/20 that I began to learn how to process my emotions in a helpful, healthy way. Still dealing with anxiety, though rip
As someone who "hated" kids as a teen and now works with children; It's actually the parents I hate. I also hate how most people expect women/girls to just be good with kids and liking the interaction with kids. The amount of times I was left in charge of small children at parties or social gatherings when I myself was a kid is astonishing.
This always happened to me, I was even in charge, at some point, when I reach my teens, to look and control the behaviour of my cousins, who are three years older than me, just bc I'm a girl and girls "mature early" (that and bc every adult in my life labeled me as a child "very mature for her age"), and even, like you, with kids that were'nt even part of my family, It was so frustating as a child, I never coulld relax fully at gatherins bc I had to take care of the rest, prevent fithgs or stopped them. No just my family, even teachers and in school, I had always to be the adult in every situation.
I've found that trying to understand a child goes a long way. My family is the "beat them until they behave" type, every single fucking one of them. They don't see children as people, they see children as property. I have a niece, she is the sweetest little girl who has similar issues that I did growing up, and I'm 100% certain it's because nobody has broken the cycle of generational abuse that's been in our family for so long. I love her so much, it makes me want to fist fight everyone in my family because I know I can't go no-contact until she's at least 16, because if I do, they'll feed her lies about me, just like my mother does everyone else she dislikes.
i hate that "philosophy". it creates only more broken adults
Oh my godddd, I'm kind going through through same situation, if I stand up for myself my "mom" threatens to kick me out with my two "sisters" where 18 and 16 and hate my guts for stand up against my "mom" and whenever she had fights my "mom" would and "sisters" would spread lies like I'm bad, and I'm giving my mom grey hair, and that I'm going to love outside. And my mom wouldn't my little siblings come around me or talk to me they'd get in trouble, and so I said sorry to my mom for everything for standing up to her and she "forgave me". Bruuhhhhhh I'm leaving to college asap bc I can't deal with this. So i definitely relate to your situation. It's my older sisters situation who only talk to my mom so that she can talk to the younger siblings too... no bc as soon as i can support myself, if my little siblings want to live with me they are comming with me. I wish you the best.🧡🧡🧡🧡
@@essencetreasuregoddes That is so messed up. I hope you never, not even for a second, feel any guilt for defending yourself. Your mother's behavior is NOT RIGHT. And you are completely justified in removing yourself from such toxicity. I wish you two the best 🥺😭
I had a fight with my parents over this on New Year’s Day it was a disaster they also believe babies and small children manipulate adults by crying??? LIKE WHO HURT YALL💀
@@Isabel-sr8ep ikr like excuse me. If YOU want something bad AF enough you'll cry about it too. Like wtf.
Honestly the crucial difference between these “children haters” and people who simply dislike children is that the latter know that it’s not the kids’ fault and they make an effort to treat them well, even if they wouldn’t be around them by choice, which is fine
In my culture, a baby’s first laugh is celebrated because it is the baby declaring their love for their family and deciding to stay in our world. Before a baby’s first laugh, it is said that they are between two worlds, and we believe that babies and children are gifts and closer to divinity. I can’t imagine someone being upset with that, and I’m sorry that some cruel woman made you feel that way.
That's beautiful!! May I ask what culture that's from, I'd love to learn more.
@@kooliusmobile1945 Navajo :)
@@brainrot5267 thank you,a
that is incredibly beautiful and makes me want to cry
That is so sweet, thank you for sharing about your culture :)
“Why does everyone ogle when they learn to walk, it’s a normal thing” BECAUSE ITS HEALTHY DEVELOPMENT AND A MILESTONE FOR YOUR BABY AND BECAUSE ITS CUTE. Im sorry that made me a little mad, like, THEY HAD TO LEARN THAT. Their parents had to help them, imgaine being a parent happily getting to see your kid have their first experiences. (Not every child will go through every “milestone” and that’s okay! Parents should still celebrate the ones they do have. It teaches the child to be proud of what they accomplish from a young age)
Yeah and neglecting your child and not giving them attention is like 101 on how to give them mental illness and disorders... Its not oogleing its recognition and acceptance...
Also they can easily hurt themselves when learning to walk! It's almost like the responsible adults in the room would want to do what they could to prevent a vulnerable child from becoming injured......
Adding on to your statement: BECAUSE POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT IS BENEFICIAL AND ARGUABLY CRUCIAL TO MEETING IMPORTANT PHYSICAL AND MENTAL MILESTONES AND HAVING A HAPPY CHILDHOOD
Exactly, it's just like when we're older, and we graduate from high school or college in want that to be celebrated. It's normal for milestones in our lives to be celebrated. It really blew my mind that that person said that. It's like of course it's celebrated, it a life milestone...
@@monarch3495 yep you put it perfectly! I mean positive reinforcement works for adults, why wouldn't it work for kiddos! I feel like this should be common sense... Even to an abhorrent person who actually hates kids.
I think, usually, when people say, "I hate children," they mean they hate something else. I used to say, "I hate kids" when I was younger, but I've realized now that I really meant, "I hate the expectation that, as a female presenting person, I am expected to love kids and want to take care of them, even though I'd much rather do something else." As a teenager in particular, my parents' friends with younger children would expect me to look after their kids while they socialized with my parents, and I refused. They would try to manipulate me into doing it, and I felt that I had to say something strong, like "I hate kids," before they'd take no for an answer. Maybe there was a better, different way to get the point across, but this was first thing that worked for me, so I stuck with it. People said a lot of shitty things about me because of that, which just made me double down, because I felt, again, like it was a manipulation to make me feel like a bad person and capitulate to their expectations. In reality, I like some kids, but not all. I also like some adults, but not all. It's still pretty frustrating when people assume liking all children is my "nature," but that's not something I want to take out on children.
Rlly true... A lot of ppl feel this way becuz of society expectations for women/NB ppl with uteruses to like and take care of kids.
That was something that struck me with the post Tara read about hating kids. Large sections of it were about the expectations not about kids at all. Their fear of pregnancy, and their frustration at being expected to interact with and care for other people kids were the majority of it
This. Very much this. I've gotten very good at figuring out how to block my instinct to say, "oh no!', when someone tells me that they're pregnant, because that really is just plain MEAN, but the number of times that people have, subtly or brazenly, expected me or tried to push me into wanting to be around or have kids is uncountable. This is probably a good part of why some people over respond with an I-hate-kids mentality. It's not that I think that I-hate-kids is a helpful, reasonable, or kind response, but it IS a response that gets people to leave you tf alone. Having said all that, there are kids I really truly do enjoy, and, unsurprisingly, those kids are often the ones whose parents are engaged in a loving way. They give me a smidge of hope for the world. Go on, little children, do your thing! Your Auntie will be here, cheering you on from a safe distance.
Yeah, when I was younger, I was adamant about hating babies and small children, and what I mainly hated in retrospect was loud noises, bodily fluids, erratic behavior, and the social expectation that I should love children to the point of wanting to birth them and/or babysit them at every opportunity.
Getting some distance from childhood itself allowed me to gain a genuine appreciation and sense of compassion for kids, and I can now say with confidence that I really like and admire children as a general class of people.
Yes this! This is what I came to realise about myself (plus pregnancy seems like an awful time all around and I’ve never ever wanted to do it) But I don’t hate kids, I’m actually quite good with them and have worked making animation content for them; but I needed the distance of time and age to help me realise what the root of me saying that phrase in the past actually meant.
i feel like for some people, especially women who bear the brunt of society’s expectations to have children, saying “i hate children” is a way to subvert the expectations for women to always love and care for children. admitting you like children can feel like you’re falling into a frustrating stereotype and giving people another reason to tell you to bear children.
still, i do agree that it is a messed up perspective to have. obviously, children of all people aren’t to blame for society’s ridiculous expectations, so we really shouldn’t be taking out our frustrations on them.
I understand that urge to resist stereotypes, but I feel one can proclaim that they care about children or are detached from them as a concept without hating them while emphasising that one doesn't ever want to have children.
Personally I would like to care for a child and help them grow, but I recognise that I am far from being in a position where it would be possible for me, and also I'm in a position where it just would be unwise for me to be looking after one at this point in time, not just for my own good but for the child's best interests too.
Some kids are obnoxious and bratty and their parents let them get away with shitty behavior. And they grow up to be shitty adults!
I get that but imagine being a child & overhearing adults talk about how much they hate you just for existing. It’s not like this is being said privately lol any of us would’ve internalized this at that age. There’s really no way to not look like an asshole in this situation.
@@longlivebeans Maybe I have been leading a sheltered life, but I haven't ever encountered an adult who told a child they hated them for no reason. If I encounter a child and they act bratty and obnoxious, I will ask them nicely to cut it out, then I will approach the parents, and if the behavior still continues, don't expect me to be nice. Parents need to figure out how to deal with/discipline/raise their children! It's understandable that kids throw tantrums, get overwhelmed, etc, but it is a parent's responsibility to teach them how to process their emotions.
When I say I don't like children, I don't "secretly like them and am hiding it". I genuinely don't like children. Specifically, I hate being forced by parents to exist in spaces around them and to have to babysit their kids for free. Ex. I go to Christmas and I have to be the one to corall and entertain toddlers while their parents are eating.
I'm half black. When I was 10 I told my 4th grade teacher I had watched terminator with my parents. I was excited to share so I said "asta la vista, baby" and made a little finger-g*n. She immediately started berating me, calling what I did violent and inappropriate. She then sent me to the principal's office for threats of violence. I felt horrible about this for years, as my parents were so embarrassed about it. It was one of many times I was seen as "threatening" and "adultified" when I was a child
News flash it isn’t always about race 😮 crazy right. Any fake guns, finger guns or anything was not allowed in my elementary school, they didn’t care if you were a white kid or a black kid or any other race… if you used any sort of guns you’d get in trouble.
@Foxy_roxy it is about race sometimes. Tara specifically addressed that. Of course anyone in elementary school got in trouble for that, but not at the level I did. Just like Tara said, a full grown woman should not be feeling so incredibly threatened by a young black girl. Simple
@@karynalovesyou4615 did I say it’s never about race? No, learn to read. The teacher herself wasn’t threatened by you but when you’re in a class with other children around the teacher has to keep them in mind as well, it’s not all about you in a classroom it’s about everyone so she had to make sure nobody would get offended or retraumatized/triggered cuz you don’t know what kind of households your classmates were living in. Simple :)
@Foxy_roxy For the record we were standing outside of the classroom alone because school hadn't started yet. In fact she wasn't even my teacher and I just shared it with her just because I really liked her. Stop pretending you understand the situation when you weren't even there. And did you watch the video? Tara addresses specific situations where POC kids are put in a position to be ridiculed and seen as threatening. I brought up this experience of mine because what Tara said resonated with me. You coming in, disregarding the purpose, and saying nOt eVeRyThiNg iS aBoUt rAce was incredibly rude.
@Foxy_roxy Once again being very rude. Continue this trolling and I will block you.
I actually feel weird sometimes because im a girl who is very into fandom/internet culture, but i... like kids. And want to be a mom... but in the spaces i socialize with, "hating kids" is the norm. And when i say "yeah i want to get married and have kids someday" my online friends treat me like im naive and that im boggled down by "social expectations" because i live in a developing country lol what... my mom is a careerwoman and managed to raise 2 kids that turned out fine. Just remember that having kids isnt a "gift/blessing/whatever", its a responsibility.
Honestly those aren't friends worth having because they sound very cynical and toxic. The ironic part of this is they accuse you of just confirming to social expectations when by being so vocally against kids and judgemental of people who want to have them, THEY are actually the ones who are conforming to social expectations as what the "cool e girl" is meant to what.
@user-tk4cy1gk8o oh no no they are nice most of the time. I think maybe just ignorant somewhat. They arent super against me having those wants/opinions . I had to do some explaining to them. But yeah i don't understand extreme opinions from both sides, just let people do what they wanna do mannn
I honestly second the original reply, your friends need to be more respectful of what you want to do. Just because you live in a developing country doesn't mean what you want is somehow no longer valid because it's not what they want to do.
Also most of fandom culture is involved with children's shows (Owl House, She-Ra, Adventure Time, Kipo, AT;LA Voltron, etc). How are they gonna hate kids and then watch media made with them in mind?
This is something I am trying to get out of, because I realize that people deserve to be able to make choices and have healthy and happy marriages.
I think some of my past hatred and contempt for it came down to my own fear of never having a happy marriage coupled with resentment towards what I saw as a normal life, a life I definitely didn't get to have.
You do you. Yeah, marriage is hard and stuff, kids suck, but there's also a lot of fun in those things. And most importantly, it's what you want. It's a perfectly valid thing to want.
@@love-ip7sz I was just about to say this. True friends will support you in your wishes.
i remember being a little kid with Very Big Feelings and just. having such a hard time trying to understand why adults were so dismissive of my feelings, because, like, weren't they kids too? they should know how it feels! so i have a promise to myself to always try to understand where kids are coming from.
This comment is very healing
I’m so sorry you had that. I did too, my parents have healed so much and our relationship is great, but I promised myself to never invalidate my children. They are encouraged to feel their feelings, we don’t allow harmful behaviors (hurting self or others) and I ask them if they want to cool off with me // or if they need space when they’re older, but while I hate that they experience negative things, I love that I can tell them “I hear you. That is frustrating. What can we do to solve it/fix it?” Or “I know you don’t want to do xyz. I don’t either. Let’s get a smoothie first!” Smoothie just as a random selection of what we use as incentives (adults use them too!) just since I don’t use food as a reward, and incentives aren’t dependent on whether a child “behaved” or acted the way you desired them to during said event, instead it reassures them and gives them (and me) a nice boost and the ability to talk about what we don’t like about the activity or event incoming and what we can do to make it easier. Children are meant to be protected.
YES! kids experience the exact same level of emotion as adults but have no experience or tools to processs + address/express them!! and then they get yelled at/punished/ignored/denied bc theyre "just kids its not that serious" like it is to THEM !!
genuinely pisses me the hell off bc like, kids are people. thats a person. thats a person looking you dead in the eye and telling you that something that only THEY know (how they feel/how important something is) and you're just disregarding them! I know there are lots of situations when adults know that the kid is being irrational but just saying that to the kid wont actually HELP them or the situation! they'll still feel whatever they feel, plus now they feel upset/angry that you've ignored or snapped at them.
I was also a kid with A Lot of Very Big Feelings and I got shamed constantly for being anxious and crying. I love children and I want to have them, but I’m also putting in the groundwork to be the best parent I can be and to be there for any of my future kids with big feelings.
This, OMG, the amount of invalidation of children’s feelings that I’ve seen happen and experienced myself as a child is crazy, cos apparently children simply don’t have those feelings? Like my parents were telling me I was “too young to be stressed” up until the age of 17, meanwhile you have children as young as 12 having suicidal thoughts
I genuinely don't like being around children, doesn't mean I hate or even dislike them though. I have chronic migraines and sensory issues and it's just so so overwhelming, I can't handle it. But I can't IMAGINE being rude or cruel to a child.
You’re completely fine. There’s a difference between not being able to be around children because of the things they naturally do and choosing to hate children because of who they naturally are.
me too! my autism makes it so hard for me to be around loud people and a lot of children are naturally loud which isnt their fault obviously
@PhoenixRising93 It’s wrong because like it or not, children can’t fully help how they act. Also, no they’re not. They can be if they’re not taught to be caring and respectful.
@PhoenixRising93 Do you have any studies, because that’s not how narcissism works? Lol.
The child is alone and lost in an arcade going up to strangers. My first thought is help her find her guardian ASAP. Not to film her, try to teach her a lesson as if I’m her mommy, insult her, roast her, whatever they were trying to do there. Some people are soulless.
If the kid is comfortable, feeling safe and their guardian is also okay with it, I think it should be okay for kids to go around. It takes a village to raise a human being. So I would cue into the kid's body language, take a look around and see if there's a guardian somewhere, and maybe ask the kid if their guardian knows where they are. But mostly I would be concerned about keeping an eye on the kid.
@@herminaghenu4831 if you’re a good guardian you don’t allow your kid to harass strangers. It’s dangerous to even let them go up to strangers alone. In the video the parents are nowhere in sight.
She went into a place meant for CHILDREN and recorded a child and talked to her through her negative adult lense. So weird...
@@love-ip7sz yeah I honestly don’t understand where that type of behavior comes from. Well like it stems from something but… they’re grown enough that they need to take accountability and learn better
@@winter333 when I watched the video the first time I thought the kid was like 10. Now I see the kid is probably like 6. I agree the guardian probably should've been keeping a better eye. But also people should just like not be assholes? Controversial opinion it seems 😂
I hated how much teachers would try to gaslight us as kids. I straight up had a teacher yell in my face that I was wrong once, while I was explaining an actual truth about my life. Kids are people. Just be respectful. It's not hard.
Ikr.
But society is not gonna cope. Look, we're gonna be outnumbered by an entirely new species in every way in like the next century.
I think the "I hate kids" thing is just an over correction of the everyone must have kids paradigm
When I was younger I kind of used to make out I hated children because people were like ‘you’ll change your mind when you’re older’ even though I have very specific reasons as to why I don’t want children other than just not wanting children (that is a perfectly valid reason on its own though). It made me mad and I didn’t know what to say back to those people so I defaulted to ‘hating kids’ so people would leave me alone.
Yeah, I've seen this with some of my friends, many of whom want to remain childless/childfree and try too hard to "prove" to everyone why that's actually the right choice for them (interestingly most who fall into this way of thinking are women, it seems to me that they feel this pressure much more strongly so the overcompensate more than their male peers). I'm glad I never fell into this trap though. Some kids can be obnoxious a lot of the time, sure, but they deserve understanding and respect, it's vital for them to thrive in this world after all.
I think this can be true, especially with younger people, but the vast, vast majority of the people I know who actually, legitimately hate children had parents who were emotionally manipulative or neglectful, especially the type of emotional manipulation that involved playing favourites among the sibling group.
Just like how nurses shouldn't be ranting about their patients' private situations on tiktok just because they are frustrated
Doesn't mean you can hate an unprotected group of people
Go take your frustrations on the adults, not someone helpless
True words!
The worst is when people hate kids/don’t think through what raising children is like but have them anyways because of social pressure. So many parents either only like babies who are too young to have their own opinions or act as if their children should be grateful for abusive and neglectful parenting.
I have seen written accounts of people practically bragging about dealing with their children's faeces. "When my son was about to have explosive diarrhoea, I helped him out of his trousers, and I dealt with it when he sat down on the toilet right next to me, aren't I great? I really deserved that big "THANK YOU" my son gave me!" And I sit there, thinking how about of course you'll have to deal with your child's faeces and urine and blood and drool and snot and vomit and all that as soon as you have one. Same goes for many pets you can have. What poor children must there be who at five years old probably have to deal with their own vomit that they just woke up in while practically vomiting in their sleep.
Yup, I think that's really the worst thing of all of this. Doing anything out of feelings of obligation is literally the worst thing u can do to yourself and the fastest way to create a strained family dynamic.
My mom is like that, and only boys. I'm intersex and was always treated differently than my brother by her.
@Camelopardalis when you're runnin down the guttah with a piece of bread n buttah. Diarrhea.
Children are literally treated as property, and objects. It's rather creepy.
Hating children isn't just harmful to children either. I'm an autistic man, there are parts of my brain that are developed to someone half my age, as a kids would be, and for any way I am considered 'underdeveloped' I either have to mask it, or face people treating me like a child frequently, every single week, and not in a respectful way, but in a "you sound like your a kid, and that's a bad thing because you should just grow up, and your feelings don't matter because you're not a full human." kind of way. I have chosen to no longer mask consciously despite this because it is exhausting and lead to other health issues that became a matter of life or death, but treating people of different developments as if they are less full people, when children are still full people, just at a different stage of existence, is not helpful, it is actively perpetuating biases against children, and also adult people deemed "childish".
Bro I feel ya, I’m an autistic man myself and a lot of the time I feel infantilized by people for fairly simple things. It often feels demeaning.
I was waiting for someone to add this aspect. You explained it perfectly.
Totally agree! All people are humans. ❤
Sometimes I just want to be allowed to like things. Idk why that's apparently such a problem for people sometimes. And if I like something I want to like it A LOT.
Yeah. I’m neurodivergent, and have often been infantilized and condescended to by people around me. Even as a child I hated it. Adding to that, even people who claim to love children 99% of the time still treat them like property, no matter if it’s their child, or someone else’s.
I never plan on being a parent, but those gentle parenting videos have honestly helped me begin reparenting myself and just learning how to productively manage my emotions in regards to some of my more challenging relationships. I highly recommend anyone watch them, regardless of how they feel about being a parent.
Yes! Emotional intelligence was something not prioritized in raising kids for the longest time! It wasn’t very many years ago that the acceptable norm was to spank your kids in public. Which shows them nothing in how we should handle ourselves when we have no more patience to deal with something. Even now there are plenty of grown adults who practically salivate at the idea of a kid getting a “lesson beaten into them”, saying dumb shit like “that kid needs a whooping.” Even about little kids! All it does is show them that when their feelings get too overwhelming, it’s acceptable to lash out and explode rather than introspect and rationalize our feelings based on the circumstances.
Gentle parents FTW!
As a disabled woman who has had to deal with being a child and the constant "extension" of "childhood" via infantilization--we need to treat kids better. One doesn't have to love or even really like kids to not outwardly be hostile towards them.
They are people with feelings, just like anyone else.
Let me add, they are learning how to people for the first time. ❤
Unsolicited PSA for narcissistic adoptive mothers: telling your adopted daughter, "I love you, I just don't like you" -- does not count as telling a child they are loved.
Interesting thought.... my mother (im not adopted) used to tell me at times she loved me but at that particular moment she didn't like me (or rather perhaps my actions?) Now as an adult I sometimes feel that exact way about her HOWEVER... as a child ... not yet developed... you really internalize the negative and you remember the "I don't like you" not the I love you..... so being adopted and told this. Damn. That's completely heartbreaking 💔
DO5 moment
@@Hooperjz78 precisely. It really stung when it was being said about me, in front of me; usually due to someone complimenting* my manners. She'd laugh a certain laugh & deliver a modified, "I do love her for that, I just don't like her!"
Sometimes, I wonder whether she understood her actions or was just parroting a saying learned from movies or television.
The way she says that makes the word “love” seem like an obligation instead of a term of affection. And you never tell a child you’re doubting your love/like for them. Keep that shit in and cope with the stress, frustration, or whatever it is some other way. Words mean more than they think, especially to a kid.
Narcissistic? Just say abusive.
this video is so extremely eye opening to me. I don’t outwardly proclaim that I hate kids/hate on kids constantly, but i am indeed child free. some of this strange … writing paragraphs and paragraphs of hating children and the things they do… it’s just so strange. kids are kids. they don’t know any better. and most of the time, their bad habits are because of their parents. I don’t want kids, but i do think they’re cute, i love seeing them play, and i acknowledge as an aunt my younger neices truly just want to be around the “cool older kid.” I mean, think about it, if you ever had an older sibling- you probably wanted to be just like them as a kid. i think people just need to be more empathetic to these poor children.
Honestly, being the cool aunt has to be one of my life aspirations
As a weird uncle married to a cool aunt i give it 10/10, would recommend.
That's really the gist of it for me too. I'm child free and plan to forever remain so but the obsession with posting about hateing kids and the existence of subreddits and discord servers for it is a symptom of some greater problem.
Some of us just dislike being around kids and dislike their behaviour. Yet we have no opportunity to avoid all interaction with them. So that is why some people write about it. I dislike kids and don't write much about it, because I live my life in a way that I can avoid interacting with them almost all of the time. The people who can't, just pour their frustration on the internet. It is probably the only way they can channel their frustration
@@KateeAngel thats fine but it crosses a line when people start wishing violence on kids while typing out those frustrations.
I used to think I hate kids, but the more I interacted with them for the sake of my job, the more I realised that children aren't worth the hate they get. Parents are!
The vast majority of parents are doing the best they can with the resources they have
Yes, and most of the bad behaviors that children develop as they grow up come from entitled parents, they aren't born that way, they have to learn them.
@@alexterieur8813 ...and? You can try and still fail.
Ending up interacting with my now step kid made me realize I do like kids. The idea of giving birth still was no (I'm trans man)
@@mfitzburger5137 the person said: children aren’t worth the hate they get. Parents are! My point is there is no point in hating someone who is doing their best with the tools they have. Yes there are parents who don’t try but they are a very rare occurence. As someone else said, children rearing isnt supposed to be done by only 2 individuals which is what happens most times in our individualistic societies where parents are either too far away from family to be able to be supported in their roles as a parent or not close enough with their family to be comfortable asking for help. This whole: « children only have negative behaviours because of their parents »mentality is diminutive of parents’ efforts and separated from reality. We are in a society where raising a child is extremely difficult. I would ask people to be more empathetic towards that reality.
I'm guilty of saying I hate kids pretty often in the past, when what I actually meant was I don't like the responsibility of working with kids. I don't like the thought of being the grown up from Tara's memory of being looked down on for laughing with her family. I don't want kids, I don't want to give them my physical and mental maladies and I don't want to pass on bad parenting from one generation to the next. I don't hate kids...I think I'm just afraid of them.
I don't like kids and don't want kids, but damn I feel like I treat them with more dignity and respect than a large amount of people who DO have them. And I think that's the bigger, far more common issue than the childfree people on reddit. So many children are not given any kind of autonomy or treated like a human with feeling by the adults in their lives. And this kind of attitude toward children and treatment of children is normalized, all from people who say they like kids.
Yes, exactly! I respect children as human beings and their human rights which is more than most parents. I just dont wanna raise them or be around them if I dont have to because I find it overwhelming. Nothing wrong with how they exist they are being kids, but i cant handle it and i recognise that so I avoid them. Which is the mature and compassionate thing to do as opposed to parents who have kids then talk about how much they hate them. Thats truely awful.
I have a sister who really doesn't like dogs, and I can't imagine her having any positive feelings about horses. However, she always was fully capable of understanding and acknowledging that it's animal abuse to not let a housebroken dog outside to relieve itself, and I am sure she'd be against horseback riding (no idea how she feels about it) if she knew what kind of pain many horses that are being ridden have to suffer.
You can have a lot of indifference and quite a strong dislike for other beings and still recognise what is bad for them and that those things that are bad for them need to be minimized as much as possible. But there are "dog lovers" who don't let them pee for 14 hours straight each night, and who talk about how their dog can "endure" not being able to relieve itself.
Second, third, fourth this! It really bothers me that parents or people who really want children often have/see them as an extension of themselves and their ego.
Yes agreed! I tend to say I hate children but mostly just in response to the idea that I should go out of my way to care for them when I have no reason to (and also because I think it's funny, being legally a child myself), but like I work at a sleep away camp and have worked mostly with the youngest groups. Kids are so much easier to deal with when you treat them like people and I hate it when I see people not do that. If you listen to them they're much more likely to listen to you and I don't see how so many people can't grasp that concept
Exactly! Being a child is inherently confusing and stressful and you can easily mitigate that by treating them like actual people.
“There is nothing eggy or quirky about hating a vulnerable group of people”
This is so true, just imagine this in another context:
I just hate mentally disabled people, it’s nothing personal, I just don’t want to interact with them. You know I just dislike how they are not functioning like me. Also they are so used to the attention all the time, I’m not supporting this.
-- see how wrong this sounds?
I think the stupid thing is that people hate neurodivergent people but then they act like allies. They don't hang out with them or want anything to do with them socially, but then they call them "cute" and all that BS. Like they're a pet or something
Both are BASED tho
People actually have said that about mentally disabled people, it's so fucking gross.
@@AbuBased731 what's even the point of your existence, you're just useless at this point
What’s more disgusting is that (at lease from what I’ve seen on Reddit) they get all the pity points in the world and the kids are demonized thinking they’re gonna grow up to hurt animals and people. I’m just sitting here thinking “what about the kids who have NO control over their disabilities/illnesses? They get to grow up as if they’re a waste of life for something they never had a choice in.” The woe is me parents brought it all to themselves why are these grown adults who should’ve been more responsible and should know better the UwU victims of every ND person as if they’re all out to get them and NTs are perfect little angels who can’t do no wrong? I get that parenting is hard, to which that is exactly why I despise them even more cause they brought children into this world thinking they’re gonna be all perfect non disabled kids that they’ll benefit from cause they’re that selfish.
someone told me im good with kids because i treat them like people and it made me realize how common and accepted it is for adults to just completely mistreat them
Same here. It's a heartbreaking realization
Same here. Everyone always tells me that I’m so good with kids that I should be a teacher. All I do is treat them the way I would have wanted to be treated as a child. They deserve respect and understanding like anyone else.
It’s really sad
Yeah. Sometimes, I fucking hate adults for this.
Heartbreaking
I personally am choosing to be child free, but I actually really like kids (in small doses) and am looking forward to being everyone’s favorite “auntie” to my friends’ kids. I can understand having a dislike for children, because they are exhausting and annoying at times, but don’t let the kids know that. They don’t deserve to be put down for just being a kid.
"child free" is not good term. Am I "cat free" because there isn't any cat living with me? Are people "wife free" because they are single?
This -free makes it look like parents are not free people, or even more, it seems like "child" is some kind of Illness.
As a triplet, I can’t wait to be the aunt to my sibling’s kids, too 🙂
Agreed dude. And I have 4 siblings and will have 2 in law siblings too so somebody is bound to have some kids I can be the fun auntie for!! 😂
Exactly where I stand (except I'd be an uncle)
I have a couple of memories of people saying mean things to me as a child. Once my own uncle said to me he hated me and i was the most annoying child on earth... I was 7 years old. I am 35 and I still hate that man so much for what he said to me as a child. People saying "they will forget" are so wrong, so so wrong.
I wasn´t told this stuff directly but I do remember adults in my life retelling my early childhood, mostly during my teens, saying that I was a very annoying and difficult child even to the point where I was hard to be liked as a person or that my mom was brave for tolerating me, and other times they would ask me why I wasn´t as outgoing as I was as a kid but their insistence on the latter made me want to grow fast and avoid being seen as 'the annoying kid', I just kind of resorted to silence which to their eyes made me boring. God I hate adults.
Thats why I try so hard to be kind to my baby sister, shes loud and outgoing which can be hard for my sensory issues. But she is a little girl and impressionable, and I want her to feel loved so if shes overwhelming me I just leave the room
I remember one time I was five and my brother was in his terrible twos, we were on the train and my dad had brought along a Noddy book to read to us to keep us entertained. One of the other adult passengers complained it was annoying to have to listen to this children's story (what, would you rather hear a bored two-year-old?) but another adult spoke up disagreeing, saying he wanted to hear what happened next in the story. No idea if he meant it or was just being nice, standing up for us as children, but it really reassured five-year-old me that we weren't being a bother. That's the type of adult I try to be now.
been saying this forever, you don't have to like children you don't have to want children but you have to respect them.
Because they're people!!!!
@@willyeeton4390 exactly, we have already 9 billion of them :D
Well intentioned but.
Disliking them isn't acceptable and is immoral. If you dislike black people, you're racist. If you dislike gay people, you're homophobic.
Them being children harms no one. Them existing isn't a problem. If something they do bothers you, you can ask them to stop.
And a lot of people just have ridiculous, idiotic expectations for how a child should act. For all the whiners who say children are spoiled and unregulated, they sure show more resilience and regulation than countless whingy,weak-minded adults eho can't bear thorugh one minute of a baby crying that they already think they're the victim of some crime.
For those people,zero sympathy. Get a grip.
Enough said.
Child staring is easily deflected when you smile at them or make funny face. They either smile back or stop staring
I honestly love when they stare at me. I'm wearing alt fashion at it always feels like a compliment when it interests them. I just smile at them and they smile at me happily and it's all cool
Exactly. They're just curious and learning how to read people.
Not always
Yeah they're just taking in the world to learn about it
Or they start crying
im a trans man. i barely even like using the word "pregnancy" because i have an aversion to the mere concept, verging on phobia (the fear-based phobia, not the bigotry-based kind lol). all that to say, i would literally never voice the unkind kneejerk reactions i have to that stuff, certainly never to an actual pregnant person. if you have trauma/any kind of psychological aversion to/in association with something NORMAL, it is YOUR responsibility to cope with that and not push it on other people. deal with it and dont bother others. it's literally not hard lmao
pretty unrelated but damn is it nice to finally see another trans man in these comments I feel so isolated sometimes in these kinds of conversations
@@daanthedoctor trans man solidarity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!💙💗🤍
On the other hand ppl lack awareness that it's not unnatural to NOT like children and stuff. And I refuse to pretend like I do just bc it's "nOrmAl". We could also just be mature and just accept the fact that some ppl like that kind of stuff and some don't. And most I would say think they like it bc that's what they're expected to and find out too late that maybe it's not as great as they thought
@@molchmolchmolchmolch I don't know about that... I mean, it's okay to not get along well with kids and be a bit uncomfortable around them, but disliking a human for existing is always wrong to me. Would you think it's okay to not like black people, trans people, or people with Downs Syndrome for just being the way they are? If you're not actively mean to them, whatever, but maybe you should look at therapy, because there's a good chance there's something underlying that causes problems. (To be clear, I don't want to have kids, and am myself not super comfortable with them. Doesn't mean I don't treat them with kindness and compassion when they exist around me.)
I'm a trans woman, and while I'm very glad I never have to deal with that situation I don't give grief to anyone who wants it (especially those who want it but can't have it). It was really tough with one of my exes who repeatedly told me how she wants kids, since I didn't want to state the obvious on the matter.
one thing i hate is when people talk about kids in front of them, as if they cant understand them "oh its just a stupid child they wont understand when i say how hard theyve made my life."
like idk man i still remember a lot of things they said about me when i was a kid
Fr it sooooo annoying like do they even know you usually start remember more things from like 2-4 like kids are vulnerable but they are not stupid they can hear you or see your facial features or their parents can fill them in on that.
Sorry if I have bad grammar or if I’m ranting 😅💜💜💜
I don’t hate children, but what I might mean by saying “I hate children”, is that I hate the way society pressures women into having and loving children. I don’t want to be a mother, and I don’t like interacting with children; that’s a me issue, not the fault of the child. The thing I hate is when people begrudge me my disinterest in children and becoming pregnant. I think this might be the case for many people who, instead of describing such specific feelings, just say: “I hate children.”
Saying that, I would never be mean to a child, and I do respect all children as people. I do show interest in children I meet and I know to be polite. I just don’t want them for myself. People who are mean to children are just horrible people.
A lot of time it's easier to just say "I hate children" then go into what you really mean. Especially if the person you're talking to isn't really listening to you anyway.
I say "I hate children" for the exact same reason. Like I don't really HATE them. But it's like when you say you're starving when you miss breakfast or something.
And being kind and respectful towards children sucks sometimes (not because of the kids) but because people always come out with "you're going to be such a good mother." "Oh don't be like that! You'll change your mind, just look how good you are with kids!" "You would deprive your future children of such an amazing mother?" Etc.
I'm not even doing anything amazing, I'm just not being a dick to my nephew, please leave me alone.
Then maybe be clearer about that instead of claiming your hatred is towards kids? 😭
@Drea literally lmao. I believe we have a term for this and it's child free LMAO. Can't be saying inflammatory shit like "I HATE children" and then playing the victim.
- a child free woman
@@EveCat2343 then don’t say it
Jesus Christ, why do children get to be the group who gets cruel terms because it’s “easier to say”?
Sounds like an excuse you can easily change imo
I have heard the same sh*t thrown at disabled people. “I hate disabled people” is something I heard a sibling say because they were hard to deal with. Sounds f up to me.
I have to be honest, I'm not at all keen on kids, they just kinda annoy me. I also smoke and swear and have no inclination to censor myself. But when I recently joined a child free FB group I very quickly realised it wasn't the place for me. It was just so.... venomous. Not just towards kids but also towards women who have them. I'm child free, but not, y'know, THAT child free!!
I don’t really want, nor like much kids, I’m not even good with a baby doll to raise the real thing. I might have one, for the Gilmore Girls thing of it, but literally just one. But this one girl in my class terrifies me with her brutality with kids. Saying that she wants to throw them off buildings and kill them. Sometimes I believe we take it too far, it’s okay to not like children, but it’s not okay to wish death upon another human, especially when that human won’t be a minor forever
@@CTHRTTTCK yeah, Jesus, that's.... excessive to say the least!😕
@@mezzb definitely sounds like a good strategy!
@@CTHRTTTCK Yeah if she brings it up again, I would definitely tell her to chill the hell out. Not to mention, assuming you're middle or highschoolers.... you're also still considered kids.
I always say "I love kids! I want exactly zero of them though." Because kids are funny and great and sweet but I don't want to be a parent. People that make hating children their whole personality are weird
i love the "exactly zero" haha! Kind of implies you could have a 1/5 of a kid LOL
LOL, that's what my Tia says! Although I wish she meant it. She said she didn't have children because she has us, her nieces. She loves us, but she loved that she could give us back even more. 🤣 It's funny though, because as I can tell she just hated children. Tbh it's really good that she didn't have children. She's definitely neurotic, A type personality. I remember her getting angry at me, because I was chewing too loud in a movie theater slapping my hands...like wtf lol 😅 I'm twenty-seven now, and that happened to me when I was like seven or eight
...& I still remember it.
I don't want kids, I want to be an auntie and take my nieces and nephews on day trips and buy them plushies
@@luthientinuviel3883 yes!!!! i love the idea of being the cool auntie who takes the kids out and like lets them stay up past their bedtime watching movies or something
People that constantly feel the need to preach their dislike for children you will find deep down really and truely want them but for whatever reason can’t have them… same goes for people that constantly preach how people without children are selfish and cold…
This video brought a memory to mind. I'm a cashier and we keep stickers around to offer to kids that come in the store. A little girl that's obviously been there before and knows we have stickers asked if she could have one. Before I could respond, her guardian goes "no, you have to wait for them to offer you one, now you don't get one." Now I might not know what the "correct" way to parent is, but as someone with god awful parents I definitely know what the wrong ways are. And that was it. What kind of person teachers their kid to not ask for things? I imagine she says stuff like that all the time to her kid, she had that vibe. Does she want her to grow up to be entitled and always expecting people to do things for her without her asking first? Does she expect everyone to be a mind reader and know what her kid wants at all times? Does she want her kid to grow up to be a push-over that doesn't even know how to ask for things anymore? I genuinely have no idea what this lady was trying to accomplish by telling her kid to not communicate her wants and needs.
Edit: And I didn't even remember the stickers either so I literally wouldn't have offered if she hadn't reminded me. And the kid asked politely too! She wasn't being rude or annoying like the lady was trying to tell her she was. God that lady pissed me off. I hope that kid turns out okay.
Cuz it would be one thing to say she had to wait for me to offer it, but it's another to punish her for asking politely for something by not letting her have the thing. And over a fuckin' sticker of all things.
I also work at a grocery store that gives out stickers, and I love to have conversations with the kids because I feel that kids are too often ignored out in "society". So I always ask if they'd like stickers instead of just giving them, if they say no I dont push it, i ask them how many they want etc. And I vividly remember two kids who excitedly said "yes!" when I offered and then their mom said "oh no, they'll just waste them." and the kids' smiles just dropped.
I still don't understand how a kid can waste stickers, you just use stickers. It felt weirdly cruel, and I had no idea how to respond.
I still remember when I was very little, like, not in school yet I think, and my dad chastised me for asking my friend if she would share some of her candy with me. He also told me that I have to wait until people offer, asking for things is rude. It has become a core memory for me and it would play in my mind every time I was a guest somewhere. Glad to say though that I mostly overcame that and with my friends we have a policy of always asking for things we want or need, so we don't have to play politeness games with each other.
I get the lesson he wanted to teach me is that by asking strangers for something, I'm basically forcing them to comply with me, because saying no would be rude. So I should leave it up to them to offer me what they are actually willing to share. BUT that was not the situation, she was my friend, and friends should be able to communicate directly and honestly and be comfortable enough to say no. He also didn't explain his reasoning so it was a bad lesson overall.
this is a weirdly good example of an ask vs guess mindset
My issue with children is they very often don’t respect boundaries, but I feel uncomfortable enforcing those boundaries because I don’t want to upset their parents. When I was a child myself, all my experiences with children younger than me weren’t great. They’d lie to me or their parents, throw tantrums, pull my hair, shove me, hit me… but the adults in my life expected me to respond like an adult yet didn’t trust me like one (so I’d be getting in trouble). That, or they thought the hair pulling and hitting was cute. Now that I’m an adult, I realize my child issue is actually a “bad parent” one. I don’t like children because I have no idea what kind of parent they have. If their parent is responsible and active, I can interact comfortably with kids and I do enjoy spending time with them.
Just reminded me....I grew up in a cult and(luckily) none of the other kids were my age, either younger or older, and oddly the younger kids were the ones to pick on me. I think explaining this to my mother helped keep me from having to engage in culty activities with them. So I guess the little brats did me a favor by treating me like crap? They're not the reason I hąte kids though, they're just generally awful and annoying little people.
@@luna-p what? Kids are kids dude. The last sentence you wrote is insane.
@@blorblin Kids are insane
Boundaries (how to set them and how to respect others) is something that kids don't automatically understand, they need to be taught. If a child has consistent issues with setting or respecting boundaries then something has gone wrong, and it's likely that the parents are not doing a good job teaching their child.
This!!! If a kid is making someone uncomfortable, it's most likely the parent's fault for letting it happen. So often parents just don't pay any attention to their kids, and when someone else brings up issues with them, they either get offended or don't care.
honestly didn’t know kids staring creeped people out, i always think back to what i would stare at when i was that little and it was usually something or someone i thought was cool/interesting. When a kid stares at me I try to either smile and tiny wave or make it easier for them to see whatever I may be doing bc they’re just curious. Observation is how we learn like 90% of the time so I just let them observe, plus it boosts my self confidence thinking this way lol
Ok now yall are being weird I personally don’t mind when kids stare but I can see how some may be creeped out by it.
@@itzmetee3459 ok and i didn’t know that, FOH with your attitude
@@cb.on.yt22 lol lame
Agreed! I work in a restaurant and kids stare because they’re curious, they just do, but honestly it makes their day for them to be personally acknowledged. Smile at them, wave at them, let them know you see them-it will not only make them feel GOOD but it often makes them stop staring too.
@@laceyisnotreading exactly!!! you a server too?
I have sensory processing disorder. I’ve been accused of hating children because I can’t stand to be around a daycare. Really, it’s just that the sound of anyone screaming makes me physically agitated, even if they’re kids playing. I have no problem being around children when they’re just talking or laughing.
I'm a mom and a teacher, and I get that way sometimes. It's okay! You're okay. ❤️ Just the way you are
Same. I spend most of my time in silence and love it. Noisy children, especially babies drive me insane. It's physically painful to be around them.
Loud sounds are an attack to my nervous system so any place where a lot of kids get together is a no for me. Now, I don't ever want kids to feel unwanted or rejected so when I know I'm in no place to get sensory overload, I just don't hang out with my friends who have kids. Cause it's not the kid's fault I can't look happy around their animated state of mind. So yeah I nope out of situations with kids a lot because I want them to feel good around me and I can't always provide that.
This is so relatable, whenever children are really loud or stare at me I feel so uncomfortable, but I have nothing against them.
I get this. And I do think that this is what makes at least some people think they hate kids. Being aware that I have sensory sensitivities has made me more patient with others.
Personally i love kids for the exact same reasons people hate them. I love their freedom and joy and unrestricted emotions. As a kid who was bullied into quietness and compliance, talking to kids makes my inner child heal and learn from them.
That is to say, i HATED kids when i was a teen because instead of accepting that I've been abused and it's not okay to expect children act like adults I've preferred thinking that nothing is wrong and hating those who don't fit into my perception of "normal".
I imagine that a lot of people hate kids for the same reasons
Finally, say it louder for the people in the back! I can't stand people who are so adamant that they hate children. It almost feels dehumanising, like damn, they're human beings like everyone else. They deserve respect too.
Also, about the staring thing: babies and toddlers stare at thing that they find interesting and stimulating. Take it as a compliment, they think you're cool.
A lot of children stare at me because I use a wheelchair, but I am glad that they have an opportunity to understand that disabled people exist at a young age. Especially the four year-old who asked me if I can change my shoes! 😂
No, I don't think I will. I don't like it and I don't have to
I tell people if a baby stays at you and doesn't care they think you're beautiful. Be happy and take it as a confident boost.
You should see all the kids in the damn trailer park where I live. They are friggin horrible. They destroy property, throw shit at people's homes and run into street while people are turning.
One of my cats was rescued from a group of children kicking her and chasing her toward a friggin pit bull!!! They are still from the same trailer park I live in! No one is teaching them any better and they do not give a crap about anyone or anything.
I don't have to like kids. I would prefer my niece and my direct neighbor's kids over these lil tyrants.
@@khazermashkes2316 Oh gosh, I remember the first time I came across a disabled person when I was a toddler. It was a lady with an iron prosthetic leg who did trekking with my dad. I remember she was really nice to me, explaining to me what a prothesis was, and would laugh at my _flabbergasted_ face. maybe I too asked questions about socks lol
i sorta feel like “i hate children” is the new “i hate my wife”
It's the millennial/zoomer version of that joke
This is exactly how I feel about it
Def
Deadass
Honestly yeah
Okay, on the calling babies ugly thing, I think that in the case of newborns, they do sometimes come out looking really weird. Like, the birthing process does kinda do a number on them. They grow out of it (usually) though
I think newborns are ugly potatoes, but it isn't their fault. Besides, cleaning off birth gunk and drying out to be less wrinkly, they become cute potatoes!
I think that’s part of it. But also, we’re not all bombshell models. So when the only acceptable things to say about any child is they are a beautiful perfect angel miracle, it feels awkward when that’s not the case. You can’t call a spade a spade.
I feel this one. I _really_ dislike giving people disingenuous compliments, and not only are newborn babies scrunched up bubblegum potatoes, but even after they start getting older, some of the just aren't cute _to me._
That's not the fault of the child, it's not anyone's fault. Sometimes people just don't like what others look like, and I don't care enough about a parent's need for validation to lie to their face and say their baby is cute, if I don't actually think so.
I don't like that I am expected to 1) say anything at all and 2) lie if my opinion is anything less than "The baby is amazing and cute!".
@@Zeverinsen If someone wants you to comment on their baby and you don't think its aesthetically appealing, just say something like "they look so healthy" or focus on a particular feature like "look at all that hair" or "such cute little hands" etc. It doesn't necessarily have to be about the baby itself, it could be a funny hat or cute onesie they're wearing.
New parents, mothers especially, are flooded with hormones that make them feel like they're literally in love with their babies, they are the most beautiful and incredible thing in the world to them, so they can get carried away when it comes to interacting with others that don't have the same intense feelings. Its not a big deal tho, nobody actually cares what anyone says about a baby so long as its not mean. They're just gushing about something they love like anyone who is super wrapped up in something does. It generally isn't about 'validation' so much as they're just overwhelmed with the biological processes taking place inside of them, as well as being just really happy and excited.
@@SaVanityVan Luckily for me, I don't have friends who would pressure me into saying anything about their baby.
And all their babies are actually cute.
It just annoys me when someone's baby is _clearly_ not very cute, and maybe doesn't even look that healthy, and they're trying to pressure other people into saying their baby is cute to satisfy their own need for self validation. Fuck your hormones, leave me TF alone! I've lived with my pregnant mother, I know how loopy you can get, but it's not acceptable to blame your hormones for selfish and/or rude behaviour.
I don't particularly like or dislike kids, but I think we can all agree that the worst part about them is their parents.
when i see those gentle parenting videos i die inside realizing more and more how fucked up my childhood was.
and i don't understand the actual hate for kids either, likr i think some people need to be more self aware where their feelings are coming from.
Thats where all these spoiled, entitled, spineless, precious, delicate, gossamer snowflakes are coming from!
What's not to understand about hating kids?? Its not complicated. Just like people hate roaches and rats, certain colors, flavors, music, movies, etc. Why is kid hatred so bothersome and uncomfortable to some?? As long as we're not doing anything, who the fu@k cares?! Get over it.
Sadly self reflection isn't that common. And I mean true self reflection,being bravelt critical or your beliefs and actions,seeinf how you think you are vs how you really are fit together and being ready to change your actions , your beliefs if they are illogical, immoral ,factually incorrect or incoherent.
What is far more common is just rationalization. Self justifying delusions and excuses for why "UHm, AcTuAlly Im RITe and I DoNt NeEd To ChANge At All"
I've always found the childfree subreddit to be very toxic. I remember one post where someone was complaining about pregnant women in the work force and they were saying how pregnant women are so selfish and lazy and it just made me really uncomfortable. It was like they had this hatred for pregnant women and it was just weird.
Alot of hatred for mothers and kids boils down to misogyny, and in a lot of cases racism.
I left that sub due to a post and a couple hundred comments discussing how “disgusting”, “alien”, “grotesque”, and “unnatural” pregnant bodies are. When I pointed out that this was really vile body shaming I was chewed up and spit out. These days I refuse to engage with people who say they want respect and then flex their bizarre fixation for shaming and degrading other human beings as if it’s funny.
Yeah I follow that subreddit and my usual gut reaction is “oh it isn’t that bad!” But then I remember I skip over a lot of posts. I get unnerved by pregnant bodies but that is entirely a me problem.
Yeah, I miss the days when getting pregnant = getting fired
@@Beetlejam837 I think people in the subreddit who describe pregnancy that way have tokophobia. I don't think they mean to body shame.
I have tokophobia, which is a fear of pregnancy and birth, so my wish to be child free is very much attached to maintaining my mental health.
However, I love kids. I'm a teacher, and the reason I chose to be one is because kids are just far superior to adults. I also just want to be a role model and inspire kids to be creative and curious.
I'm a huge advocate for kids and seeing them and treating them like humans with their own personalities and desires separate from their parents. I want to respect kids' developmental stages while also treating them with as much "grown up" human dignity as possible.
I realized by this that I also fear birthing and pregnancy, pertaining to myself! I wouldn't consider it a phobia for myself, though. I think part of it is I enjoy the concept of raising something in my own body and experiencing what that might be like, but I am also completely terrified. Not only just by how it might feel in a body and how careful you need to be, but also how much of a health risk it is, for both you and your child. That is terrifying. It is terrifying to face the possibility of dying during birth or having a miscarriage against many other possibilities. I think this also applies to everything beyond that. Taking care of a child means being responsible for someone's life and mind, every single second up until they move out, but even then it'll still be an amount of responsibility to help them. And during all of that, also being responsible for yours. That is so overwhelming.
You sound like an awesome person
Yeah, I want kids, but no way in HELL am I ever getting pregnant. Adoption for me!
It took me forever to accept that I didn’t want to have a child. Even though apparently I had been saying it since I was a child myself. I have been writing that I didn’t want kids in my journals since I was a teenager.
I kept being told I would want one eventually….when I met the right person….when I turned 30….when I became financially stable….when I realized I was getting to old to have them etc etc.
I am 42 now and nope, none of that was true. Turns out I always knew I didn’t want one, I was just made to feel I wasn’t allowed not to want one.
If you are younger and reading this, please trust yourself!
Im 21 and I do trust myself... thank you so much!! :)
@@NightNekomata Love that!
@@TheBookofBeasts :)
I’ve never understood hating children. Everyone was once a child, everyone was once a little annoying crying baby and a toddler throwing a tantrum. Children are innocent little beings, being formed into people still. No reason to hate them. Let them live, let them learn, and let them enjoy their childhood. Lovely video as always Tara! Hope we see the cow next video 🥺
I mean, I was once half a sperm cell and I don't have to like them, lol. I don't think "you were a kid once" is a very strong argument. Kids are vulnerable and underprotected is far stronger.
I personally didn't enjoy my childhood. I always wanted to grow up as fast as possible because being under the care of other adults made me weak and vulnerable. It was hard having to take care of myself as a child, it was harder doing so with toxic parents and other toxic adults around me. I started viewing kids as vulnerable and weak creatures who are probably all being abused. And most likely a lot are. I started hating children because when I looked at them, I saw my younger self, how I had to fight to exist, how horrible it was for me. When I looked at kids, I saw a pitiful creature who will suffer. It's bizarre to imagine this, but this is a reason for disliking kids. Sometimes it's hard to realize that you're more effed up than you'd like to admit
@@sin3358 this reminds me of "the abused becomes the abuser". Kudos to the people who recognise their own trauma and take action to heal, but to those who don't I want to say that taking it out on kids isn't really dealing with it. You don't have to like them, but please don't treat them like shit. (One can be indifferent to them and still be a good human being and help a lost kid when they come across it once in a blue moon, just don't berate them for existing).
Hate them
I have no problem with letting them learn, and being kids. I just don’t want to be anywhere near most of them.
As a neurodivergent adult who grew up out of touch with my own feelings and needs to an extent I'm only now beginning to understand, it breaks my heart to see how often people ignore, scold, or contradict children when they try to express themselves. I've watched kids say "my stomach hurts" only for their loving, lefty parents to respond, "no, it doesn't." To me, having unclouded access to your feelings at all, let alone the ability to convey them to someone, is such a rare and precious thing, a lofty goal for me now - it's absolutely tragic to watch that instinct being beaten out of a kid in real time. I think it teaches them not to trust themselves and that there's nowhere they'll ever be able to go for true psychological safety. It throws away the opportunity to nurture a sense of healthy introspection that would have built their emotional skills, self-advocacy, and empathy. I'm incredibly privileged and I experienced little to none of what the culture at large would recognize as abuse, but I still turned out traumatized, probably because I was surrounded by behaviorist conditioning cues that teach us to understand and evaluate ourselves from the outside in.
Real smooth way of injecting your political righteousness into matters completely apolitical.
the fuck does someone being a "lefty" have to do with them being a bad parent
This is a legit thing. I had a dad who always validated my feelings and damn it I'm gunna pass on my skills to any and all little and big ones I can 🥺💖 it was crazy as a kid to go to school or my mums or nannas and be told "no it doesn't"
@@3_m_1_7Nothing is apolitical, certainly not childrearing - but to be clear I'm a leftist myself and I only referenced lefty parents to say that I think this is a problem in most families, including many of the "good" ones.
@@XatxiFly If your parents are gaslighting you, that's just not political.
I find them overwhelming… sensory stuff, draining, anxious. It’s not like it’s a phobia of kids. It’s an aversion to their energy. I just can’t. Mentally, I’ve got no capacity. It’s bad enough coping in busy environments with adults.
Same
Not all kids are loud and rambunctious. The ones you notice probably are.
@@private2809 groups of kinds tend to be that way though, and kids are usually either only with their parents or in a groups.
My (ex)friends with kids were totally fine with my child free lifestyle until I wouldn't be free childcare. Respect really needs to flow both ways.
Same here. I have 2 friends left - one who has kids of her own & another who is CF - all because they try to push their agenda of child engagement or ask you to provide services for them because they chose to continue their genetic line.
@@FigmentForever "Continue their genetic line" lol
If the internet wasn't a hate generator, you could also consider it "creating the service workers that sustain your DINK lifestyle".
I'm child free by choice, but I'm an aunt to 5, and I love those kids so much. Even cutting out family relationships, you know how much joy I get from being the one to tell kids that skeletons are real? So much! Literally treat them like they are just small adults and you're usually good. You can also establish pretty early on that you don't want to hang around them. They pick the ones they want to play with because those are the ones who will usually play with them. They're not idiots, they understand that going to the person who ignores them won't get them anywhere. Besides, amusing kids is easy. I kept mispronouncing soda names to my niece and "Pepis" made her laugh every time. Her idea of a joke was "Oklahoma". Easy.
Wwll intentioned but. A) they're not little adults. Treatinf them like they are is part of why these whiny actual adults find(irrationally) so unreasonable that they cry or that they smell sometimes or don't regulate their emotions the same way.
B) It's not fine to dislike them.
"I dislike women, just can't stand them. I never say it tonthrm but don't like them."
Not so benign now, is it.
Golden rule. Simple as. Treat others as yiu wish to be treated. Don't like being hated for just being who you are? Then do not do it to other people.
Simple as.
@@Nai-qk4vp Sorry, I don't know where you got that I think it's fine if you dislike children? I said it was fine if you didn't want to play with them. And I stand by "Treat them like small adults" but by this I mean that you shouldn't baby-talk them treat them like they are unintelligent. Keep your topics age appropriate obviously, but kids are whole human beings who you should treat with respect. Hope that clears up my comment.
Honestly I think I'll always dislike most kids. I still try to get on their level when talking to them, and protect them from emotional and physical harm. However, I personally can't enjoy being around them. I had to take care of kids constantly growing up, and it made me aware of all the downsides that come with being basically anywhere near them.
It's just like you should treat people in general, but I think a lot of people don't realize that children are people. You just gotta deal with them the way you would an adult (as in getting on their level and other things people subconsciously do with adults).
Same, a lot of it is the noise for me. I really hate screaming and crying from babies and toddlers in public. But older kids like 8 or so are easier to ask about their interests or what theyre doing. Will i play pretend with them? No. I did a lot of that when i was a kid with my nieces (8y younger than me). But i can ask them questions or give them suggestions they can actually do something with. Babies and toddlers i cant even relate to.
Personally im never having kids and will never take care of someone elses kids. But once theyre older i wont mind having them around for like museums, cosi, etc.
I was in the custody of a child hating adult, as a young child myself. It was really rough. Being told by someone that they hate kids, when you yourself are a small child really messes your head up. At least it messed mine up. She didn’t end up adopting me or anything, thank god…but she did torment me for a couple years.
As someone who works with kids (middle school teacher) and doesn't want them, it always hurts to see people who hate children. Kids are endlessly creative and present such exciting perspectives, even when theyre being goofy. With the age range I teach tho I notice they are also so hyperaware of disdain from others, especially from the adults in their lives. I think its selfish and unempathetic to be so brazen about disliking children, especially to children, when at the end of the day they are literally just people who are learning how to be people.
I love this comment! I've been saying similar stuff in this comments section as well (a little embarrassing, perhaps, that I'm scrolling to read comments, but oh well, lol). I think it's fine to not specifically enjoy kids, or even to be annoyed by them - they can be annoying! - but as someone who wants to work with kids in my eventual career (I'm still in school), I similarly find them so spectacular. They're learning and growing, and like you say, they pick up on judgement from others way more than people think they do. I wish people would be more careful and respectful.
(PS: the age range I want to work with is 3-5, so a very different group from your students, but I feel the same way about them even at that young age, which goes to show that even "toddlers"/kindergarteners are more interesting that people give them credit for and should be respected more than people do right now!!)
It's wild to me that people can be so defensive about their supposed right to hate our literal future. Like those kids are going to grow into adults that make decisions. How have we become so detached from caring about that? We put a lot of emphasis on kids only being their parents responsibility but that is actively denying the realty that they interact with the whole world
But this people are not being brazen about disliking children to children they are venting on reddit in a subreddit made for that, there are some people who have really wild opinions but just disliking them is fine, you can dislike things and still respect it.
@@riribeasley4741 Because we are odten forced to care about them and forced to sacrifice things for them even when they are not ours, and you are assuming I care about the future of humanity, I don't.
Also, most people who dislike children go out of their way to not have to interact with them and be part of their lives, so I don't see why it would be their responsability.
Very big agree. People see a few kids have a temper tantrum and assume there all like that and that they have no value or redeeming qualities as such. If you actually spend some time around different children you’ll realize they are well… human. Some are quiet and polite, others are rowdy and energetic, but many of them can actually be not as annoying as you would expect. Yes some kids are hellish, but some grown adults are to. Many things adults accuse children of acting like I had never done as a child, not many other kids I knew.
I'm a little late to the party but the whole downplaying or frowning upon childrens' joy is soooo real like I remember always being told to "lower my voice" "be quiet" my dad actually said to me "could you just not laugh right now?" which.... anyways. And now, fifteen years after that they're all "oh but you used to be so funny ans talkative as a kid, what happened?".
I do feel uncomfy around most kids because I don't want to say or do anything that might make them feel rejection and I just don't know how to engage with them but I appreciate their laughter and their lack of filter so much after everything that's happened
To me it feels like a huge flag when people say they hate children. I had one person I was hanging out with when they laughed at a child getting hurt, saying they deserved it. Haven't been able to look at them or hangout with them since.
it just genuinely hurts to be a kid and knowing that the moment you get emotional, you'll be laughed at and made fun of by those older than you.
as a lesbian that came to term with my desire to have a child after years of battling internalised lesbophobia and of saying i didn't like kids to escape heteronormativity (when i've actually always loved them!) this video means so much to me ! there's really something to be said about how present that "children suck" mentality is in some parts of the queer community... for anyone that's interested in that subject, i'd recommend reading the third part of Maggie Nelson's On freedom, "Riding the blinds".
Same! Thank you
lesbian here! thank you for the recommendation posted!
@PhoenixRising93 So are you
@PhoenixRising93 The proof is in front of you
Whats lesbophobia?
“hating children isn’t a personality trait”
the sims:
I think the "where are her parents" comments on the arcade tik tok are important! This little girl is seemingly alone and went to two teens/adults who berated her instead of.... asking about her parents. Arcades are a hotspot and leaving a child alone is dangerous
For a few years, I used to think I hated kids. But after some insightful posts (a few of which came from the childfree subreddit) I realised that I didn't actually hate kids, I just dislike loud/sudden noises like children screaming and crying but the same goes for adults or teens who scream or cry. I'm just mostly annoyed now at parents/caretakers who let their kids cry for ages without trying to find a good solution to make the kid stop crying.
I also tend to feel uncomfortable when kids get close to me, but that's because they're more unpredictable than adults in what they say and what kind of answer they want and I realised that again, the same can happen with other older people. So thats how I realised I don't hate kids, but they tend to more often do things that I dislike or make me uncomfortable, which is why I am childfree.
I second this. Thank u for sharing.
I'm sure some of this comes from getting tired of being asked when you plan to get married and have kids and wanting to make sure no one ever asks you that again, but it's...a bit much
It still seems like misplaced anger, ya know? The children aren’t the ones placing or enforcing that expectation. It’s other adults doing that!
I feel like a lot of the scorn and frustration towards kids is because they demand the patience, love, attentiveness, and care that we’re uncomfortable recognizing that we needed/still need. But either way, it can be a both-and. Children deserve respect and adults who aren’t interested in parenting deserve respect as well.
But this isn't really about adults who aren't interested in parenting. This is about weirdos who are actively cruel/mean for no valid reason to them, going out of their way to make posts and comments ranting and raving about how much they hate kids. Children have literally zero ability to control their emotions or how the react to different situations. If someone doesn't like kids, avoid them, disengage, wear headphones, SOMETHING. Just don't be gross by hating them them for what they cannot control all over the internet and in real life. Plus, natural dislike and/or jealousy is valid. Extreme hatred, not so much imo.
@@SpineyAsteroid I hear you. I think there’s going to be a lot of “wellll people are hateful to those who don’t want to have kids too!” so I was trying to cover that side rather than excuse blatant cruelty.
@@SpineyAsteroid I don't like kids, but I'm forced to be around them every family gathering. Hell, they'll let their toddlers run loose unless I'm the one who has to get up and corall and/or entertain them while they eat. There is no option for people who don't like children to just get away from them. That's why I've started telling people, "I hate kids." Otherwise if I say, "I don't like them." They say, "Well, you'll like this one!" Or "You'll love them when they're your own." Telling people that you hate kids is the only way to get them to stop pushing children onto you.
@@EC-jd9ej Then dont go to family gatherings if you dont like children so much
@@EC-jd9ej It seems to me that having and enforcing boundaries about how you’ll spend your time at family gatherings would be a lot more healthy and productive?
While I had a "I hate kids" phase as a teenager, that was solely because EVERY SINGLE ADULT was trying to make me pop one out. Whenever an adult would ask me "do you have a boyfriend?" all I could hear was "whose baby are you having?" Didn't help that I lived in a place where teen pregnancy was very common. I actually like children when they are born. It's the pregnancy part that grosses me out. Although I can tolerate it when it's someone else who is pregnant, it's simply the thought of being pregnant myself that is gross (and other women being pregnant reminds me that I could be, which is unpleasant). Since I was diagnosed, I've also known that it's better for me to avoid nonverbal children: but that isn't a hate thing. It would just not be very responsible to interact frequently with a child who couldn't tell me what they want in words.
People out here criticizing children as if they weren't once a child themselves
People channeling Miss Trunchbull. "They're all mistakes, children! Filthy, nasty things. Glad I never was one." LUL
RIGHT that's what confuses me, do they think they should've been treated the same way when they were a kid?
Yeah, you can't tell me they weren't little heathens and never grew out of it, so they STILL target the original people they bullied: 5-10 year olds.
Can someone explain to me what the point of this argument is? Do I have to like everything I was in the past? I'm pretty sure most people are happy they grew past their teenage self for example
So? I'm sure I wouldn't have liked myself if I could have met myself then. Actually I don't, from what I know from videos and stuff. What's your point? Do you think it's a big revelation to ppl who hate children that oh wow they once were children themselves? I specifically don't want children bc I saw first hand what a mess it is and how most parents are really stressed out by their children. And bc I'm just not interested in children. I prefer to engage with ppl who aren't dependent on me for their everything
Children can really get under my nerves sometimes but then I remember how much of an anamoly I was as a child and everything gets fine😭
I’m so glad someone is talking about this. It’s honestly disturbing. So many videos of newborns and toddlers with comments about their looks and how they “HATE” random children.
I hate the child in the clip at the beginning since they don't have any respect for turn taking
ik that that isn't their fault and is most likely due to them not having good parents but that doesn't invalidate my statement
@@nictrident4392 how about you learn to read the room
@@starryeyes999 idc what you think
@@starryeyes999 I'm gonna speak my mind
I have a stuttering (since the age of 10, I'm now 37) that only goes away when I talk to children and animals. I had a very traumatic childhood and I learned early on to be wary of adults. I remember thinking every time I met a new adult " is this person safe? Can I trust them or should I avoid them?" I remember thinking this way already at the age of 4-5.
Because of my experiences I don't understand this weird intentese dislike of children at all. Yeah, some of them can be loud and/or annoying but all my traumas were caused by adults when I was very young.
That video of the little boy was so heart breaking to me because I remember being in that same situation so many times and how horrible I felt. It’s really sad to see how many adults treat their and other peoples children like they aren’t people
Same. Why is it always with cleaning your room ?????
We don't really have the full context here, but, from the tone of the mom's voice, I lean towards giving the parents the benefit of the doubt. It sounds like this is the 100th time they've asked their kid to clean their room and that the kid has protested. He is more than old enough to know that he's responsible for keeping his room neat. There doesn't need to be a mature conversation about it every time it has to happen.
I used to be a brat every time it was time for bed. I knew damn well I needed to go to bed at a certain time. I would still complain about it and give my parents a hard time every night. What are they supposed to do? Explain to and convince me that it's time for bed and why I need to go to bed. Are we supposed to have a conversation about my feelings and concerns every night about a necessary, routine task? No, of course not.
At a certain point, kids know the expectations and responsibilities around routine tasks in their lives. If they refuse to do them, then firmness and consequences are not a remotely unreasonable response.
The TikToker's comparison to doing the same thing to an adult is a false equivalency. Adults generally don't roll around on the floor and refuse to do tasks in an effort to get someone else to do it for them or not do them all together. I think it's pretty unlikely that this kid is truly just overwhelmed by this task. I think he probably just doesn't want to do it and is hoping he can make his parents cave by getting them to either do it for him or not make him do it. That was certainly my thinking when I was his age.
Sometimes it's just easier to say "I hate kids" to stop some people from being annoying and rude. I sometimes say I hate kids but really what I mean is that I just really dislike interacting with them - talking, playing, taking care of them. And some people don't buy that. They need to put their nose into your business. I dont really have a reason for not liking/wanting to have children nor do I wish to come up with excuses for other people. So with certain people it's sometimes easier to say that I despise kids to stop the discourse. What I really hate is the societal expectation what I should love kids and always be ready to take care of other people's children just because I'm a grown woman. It's stupid and offensive.
But no, I don't really hate kids just for existing, I'm not a misanthrope. They are just the same as most grown ups. Don't hate them but don't love them either.
This comment is a work of art, and so accurately describes *exactly* how I feel.
As a grown woman, maybe learn to redirect your anger towards other grown folks
It doesn't matter if you don't actually hate kids or not. At the end of the day, a scary amount of adults do not think kids deserve basic human rights
So maybe for a few individuals it will scare them off to leave you alone about having children. But in the long run it adds to this mindset that kids don't deserve protection or human decency
@@whoknows9085 tell me you didn't read what she actually said without telling me...
@@thiccctomtoms
Tell me how you guys want children to feel they are a burden for everyone
@@whoknows9085no one here wants kids to feel that way, youre projecting... get help
The reason I 'hate' kids (it's the feelings i get being around them that I hate,not the individuals who are just trying to grow and learn in a massive world that is naturally hostile towards them) is due to the whole cocktail of smells, sounds, textures, feelings and sights that overwhelm me. My autism manifests in extreme sensory sensitivity and being around children specifically when they're acting as healthy kids usually do (playing, exploring and interacting exc.) is physically painful.
However, I never in a million years would let a child even sense that the discomfort I'm feeling is due to them (masking skills help with that even if they're exhausting). They've done nothing to deserve vitriol even if I don't deserve the pain they indirectly cause either. Treat people with kindness no matter what you're going through, it's always going to be worth it!
I feel this.
right on the same boat. i actually kinda wish that i hadn't that physical reaction towards them because i like their personalities. but i can't stand to be around them for too long. i also don't want to have kids but that's more of a social thing rather than anything else.
Kudos to you honestly, you (unlike most of these people) have an ACTUAL reason to 'hate' kids but recognize they are still people. I think
many of these people could learn a thing or two from you. 👏
Me too, I have super bad sensory issues! I don't hate kids, but I also don't really want to be around them! They're way too hyper for me, and their voices can get way too loud. BUT that's not a reason for genuine vitriol against a kid who's just excited about something. There's a HUGE difference between general aversion and actual hatred!
Very glad to see this comment. While I agree with A LOT of this video I get why people have a hard time being around kids and I think they have all the right to express that as long as they are not hurting anyone. Kids are tricky. They don’t act like adults do and can be diffucult to comunicate with but we are still expected to accept this and know how to handle them. Which I honestly think is unfair. I love kids but just like within all age groups, there are some that get’s on your nerves and I think what annoyes some even more is that children got an excuse for bad behavior and parentes don’t think others should express opinions on their parenting.
I'm autistic and I feel very bad about it, but children make me very annoyed. It hurts my heart when I get irrationally angry when a child makes loud noises, but I genuinely can't help it. Plus I don't trust myself to hold a conversation with a kid because I'm awkward and my sense of humor is NOT kid-friendly. I would obviously never intentionally hurt a kid and try to stay out of audibly overstimulating situations.
Also I'm honestly APPALLED by adults who have literally no reason to be cruel to kids for merely existing.
I'm also neurodivergent and I feel the overstimulation bit.
THIS! I really wish Tara had used her platform to highlight the neurodivergent side of 'hating' kids (for me I definitely hate, but its the being around kids not the individuals themselves). It feels slightly invalidating that we get lumped in with actual bullies and those who are actively hostile when we just wanna be not subjected to the overwhelming sensory nightmare of children.
@@tinkabouthat8856 I also get overstimulated by children, although not as often as other things and I don't think you're being lumped, mostly because your issue with children is more about the overstimulation than the children themselves. Tara's specifically talking about people who specifically hate children. Being overstimulated by children is just like being overstimulated by anything else and is part of a larger group of everything that causes overstimulation for that person. Plus, not wanting to be around children because the activity of it all distresses you is different than hating children for existing and mock/degrade children and anyone who dares to have them or want them. There's a difference in thought pattern, and reasoning, and expression.
@@tinkabouthat8856 I'm neurodivergent as well and feel all of this, but I would never go to say that I hate children. So I would argue that neurodivergent people should be left out of this argument entirely because they have actual valid reasons for having discomfort around children. What she's talking about seems to be a separate issue. I feel like including that would have just muddied the waters when she has a clear thesis she's trying to present
@@tinkabouthat8856 The way I see it, you don't hate kids.. you hate being overstimulated and kids cause you to be overstimulated. I love large social events, even though they leave me overstimulated and I hate being overstimulated.