@@user-xt7pp5yy9w done like what? so you think Africa is full of abusive parents who just don't know what they're doing? The kids that come up the worst are always the ones that have never been disciplined. They think them and parents are equal and so they treat society around them that way. There is a difference!
*This is hilarious!! People could never understand why my children always behaved so well in the store. I explained to them that going to the store with mommy was a PRIVILEGE and NOT a birthright!! If ANY of them tried to throw a fit or misbehaved while in the store, I did NOT care how badly I needed something or how full my cart 🛒 was, or how much I was inconvenienced having to go back to the store later, we left IMMEDIATELY!!! It only takes a couple of times for them to learn this lesson, but it was WORTH it!!! Children throw fits because their parents give into them rather than deal with the situation!! Say what you mean and MEAN what you say EVERY single time and NOT just when it is more convenient for you!! You MUST start this early. A child that understands that their tantrums do NOT make you give in, learns to understand the boundaries. DISCIPLINE is NOT punishment!!! It is teaching your child boundaries and acceptable behavior, so that you do NOT have to punish them!!! Children also learn by example. If you are setting a poor example of behavior, NO amount of discipline or punishment will EVER be effective for your child!!! Imho*
Omg! This is exactly how I feel! My greatest accomplishment in life is not my many awards or careers or degrees….my greatest accomplishment is being a good parent who raised a good, strong, moral, young man. Once we become a parent we have to always be aware that this little person is watching every move we make, and will copy us. I’ve had many of my son’s teachers tell me that the child matches the parent…no matter what the parent says, lol.
Gentleness is fruit of the spirit. As a Christian that's important. As is self-control. The thing is I don't think this isn't gentle (minus the cursing or slightly threatening feel LOL) ...this is teaching respect and boundaries. Vs "gentle" parenting that is really just LAZY and NEGLIGENT. As with most things today, the left ruins the definitions that make sense.
I’m a black Latina and growing up my mom NEVER tolerated a temper tantrum. I worked as a nanny for a while and met several families who used gentle parenting. Some of these children became intolerable and they ruled the house. There’s one whose mom hired a therapist who diagnosed them with autism and said all the temper tantrums are due to do that. This kid calls all the shots at their house. Let me tell you, when that kid was with me there was no “autism tantrums”.
Oh wow! Te entiendo perfectamente. Asi es con mis sobrinos. Los amo con todo mi corazón pero cuando están conmigo, se comportan tan diferentes que cuando están con sus abuelitos (my parents) o con sus papás (my brother and his wife) Cuando vienen a mi casa yo no los dejo gritar, correr, pelear, hacer berrinches o contestarme de mal forma. Una vez el más chico me contesto “NO” and I was like WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?! I didn’t even yell. It was my tone. And that was it. That was the moment that little boy never disrespected me again.
you’re actually confirming that the child, in fact, did have autism. autistic children excel with strict routines/schedules and tend to do exceptionally well when they’re with adults with clear and concise directions
I call it “tool kit parenting.” In my tool belt I’ve got a few gentle parenting tools, and when the situation requires, I’ve got some authoritative ones too. But now listen, if kiddo ain’t being so receptive to any of them, then that’s when the big, bad “authoritarian” tool gets used. Not often needed, but there just in case.
These are such good advice. Ty! But if I may ask, what’s the reasoning behind the second advice? I’m just curious. I know it’s impolite to say shut up but why not use that when you’re scolding them? Sometimes they try to interrupt me and I’ll tell them to shut up . I try to choose my words wisely but I can feel frustrated sometimes that it slips out. I don’t ever use curse words. Ever. But I will say shut up. 😢
@@marycelalopez it kinda feels wrong for your mother to tell you to shut up, it sounds immature I guess? My mum would tell us to "be quiet', she would never say "shut up" I guess it builds a different level, her being our Mum and not a friend.
So true! My daughter is on the spectrum, and I am tough on her because I know she is meant for amazing things. And she is turning into an affectionate and independent young lady
Good for you! I have family members who are on the spectrum....their parents make excuses for them regarding everything. Some things are the autism, some things the kids in my family are running the house. I LOVE that you hold your daughter accountable. Thank you!
There's a line between not letting your child throw a needless temper tantrum and teaching them not to have feelings because someone else has total control over you. It's a fine line.
I had 4 children all with strong characters and not ONE of them would have ever DARED throw a public tantrum. Teaching them self-possession has served them extremely well in life.
That reminds me of the line in the original Harriet the Spy. Where her dad goes “if you make me move you- I will move you.” Harriet submitted right away lol
You are an amazing mother! You understand how the world operates and you actually care about your children's health, wealth, and ability to function successfully in the world! Parents need to be parents.
Yes they do! But wait until they become teenagers! Don’t care how well you raised them all they need is that one friend to change them. Also, controlling Candace’s children will rebel. Guaranteed
When my daughter had a tantrum I mimicked her. I got down on the floor and kicked and screamed which made her stop immediately to say, "I don't look like that!" That was her last time doing it. I say "Use your words" so she learns to communicate better.
As a single mom of a son and daughter I didn't take crap. I told them it was my job to raise decent citizens who would contributed to society. They are both grown now with their own children. My grandchildren are the most amazing, hardworking and disciplined young adults you could meet. Disciplining your child and teaching them respect is a life-long gift you give them.
Sometimes there is NO TIME for feelings. If kids think that every damn feeling they have is relevant and valid, they will grow up to be whiney, entitled adults that everyone hates.
I was criticized by many parents that were soft on their children that I was a little loud a little too aggressive a little overbearing and had two great of expectations. I'm not trying to be pompous here or two my own horn but when my son tells me repeatedly, thank God you were straightforward dead because these kids are losers, they're depressed. They're cutting theirselves. They're suicidal. They're soft. All they care about is the digital world. What I used to tell him to get off his ass clean his room. Have respect, go outside and exercise. Go fishing right a four-wheeler when his other friends come over. They're amazed at how I won't allow him to just sit on his ass.
@@timothymckinney9259 I'm not a screamer, and I rarely raised my voice to my children. I did try to be sensitive to their needs and I was gentle when needed. However, when my youngest would throw a fit if I said "no", I didn't indulge him. I didn't use "gentle parenting". I never hit my children but I never gave in to their every feeling. Sometimes children will test you as well. My boys know that whining and entitlement will not be tolerated. You EARN your way through life. You EARN respect. That's it. Nobody cares about your feelings so you better have a thick skin.
The thing is I don’t need to yell at my kids because they already know better at this point, they behave 95% of the time but when they don’t the threat of me putting them in time out etc is enough to get them to stop whatever they’re doing immediately, I’ve never once had to deal with a temper tantrum in public, some kids are left to run wild and yes I absolutely do judge the parents 👀 me and my friend were out with our babies last week and she had to tell off someone else’s children, they were about 12 years old and they were in the baby area which children over the age of 2 aren’t allowed in anyway and they were being violent with each other, kicking things and running around crazy near all the babies, she’s Nigerian and lived there most of her life so she had no issue putting them in their place whereas I’ve noticed a lot of British parents are scared to say ANYTHING to someone else’s children, I don’t care 🤷🏼♀️ if you aren’t going to put your child in their place then someone has to, when we were eating lunch those same children were shouting things like “fatty” at grown adults who were trying to eat their food and the parents sat there the whole time doing NOTHING
Yeah it's quite terrifying the complete lack of accountability for anyone these days. But especially for parents. Raise your children as a parent, NOT pretend you are friends. Kids need discipline. They need to be taught how to navigate this world successfully. That means without it chewing them up and spitting them back out again. Telling a child NO when necessary and not always allowing them what they WANT, is being a good parent. Most the time if you do it right there isn't a need to have to do more than time out. I've been able to use time out without issue quite successful for the most part. My kid is only 7 but she is respectful and has always known how to behave out in public but also just in general. Her teacher often sends me emails to give her a little extra praise at school for being the single kid to stand against the mob mentality that's been happening lately where they're getting a bit over excited and kind of crazy and out of hand and the teacher tells them settle down and clean up for example and they full on refuse. 3 times now she's told me after school about the other kids being extremely disrespectful and at first i thought awesome job but maybe she's being a little bit dramatic about it being just her that listened. But then I'd get an email from the teacher thanking me for how great she is in class and how she was indeed the ONLY kid listening. Things seem to be going better now they've sent out several emails and had a couple meetings for the couple kids whom seem to be kind of the "ring leaders" an what not but I was so proud of her. And continue to be. She even talks about how sometimes she doesn't wanna do things but she knows it's because she has to. An the fact a 7 year old can understand this concept an yet so very many parents don't seem to is disheartening to say the least.
@@WhatTheWHAT524my son is the same he’s almost 4 but everyone always says how polite and well behaved and the same things as your daughter he will say I don’t want to but he knows he has to so he does it anyway without issue, same thing as your daughter aswell he will be one of the only ones tidying the toys away at the end of the day at pre school, it’s so easy to tell apart who’s a decent parent and who isn’t these days purely by looking at the attitude of these children
You can be friendly with your children, but never their friends. By that I mean you can have a great fun day with them, and enjoy whatever activity you do with them as much as they do, but at the end of the day don't forget you are a parent, not a friend. At the end of the day out, when it was time to go home my children knew better than to throw a tantrum because they wanted to stay longer.
There can be a compromise between helping kids work through their emotions and not feeding into tantrums. That middle ground is how we mitigate the narcissism problem in our society. Both extremes are extremely likely to create personality disorders.
Girl I HEAR you!! I have 3 teenagers and you can ask them I have 0 tolerance for tantrums, 0 tolerance for excuses, and 0 tolerance for laziness!! More parents need to be this way!!
I died and went to heaven when he said “if you don’t shut the fuck up and put your shoes on, I’m going to start having big feelings” my soul left my body 😂
Mom just had that look, and we knew to zip it, do what we are supposed to, and exit stage left quietly! Yes mom was strict, but raised us with manners and respect for others!
The crazy part is that this IS gentle parenting minus the swearing. Gentle parenting isn’t about the kid’s emotions, it’s about how the parent controls THEIR emotions during a child’s emotional episode. Kids will have feelings! They are kids, parents, we’re supposed to be emotionally matured enough to control ourselves. Matter of fact, if you need to swear at your kids in a calm manner, and it helps to stay relaxed, I’d say go for it.
Yes! Kids thrive off of boundaries even if they throw temper tantrums. Discipline and boundaries are the key to a successful and happy life. This is true for kids and adults
To all the parents out there trying to understand your child's "big" feelings... If it is a meltdown, it is because they are exhausted!!! It's less about what has them upset and more about not being able to control their emotions because they need rest. They've either stopped taking naps or have had a busy day for their side with no break. You can avoid meltdowns by watching for signs like rubbing eyes, being whiney... and use that as a sign to find a quiet activity to do alone at home. If it is a temper tantrum, it's because they think their behavior will have a positive reward. They'll either get what they want or they'll get some comforting and love from their parent. Tell them not okay and walk away.
@@ashleyneco Gentle parenting is a joke. You're kids are gonna grow up to be whiney entitled adults called "Karen's" and no one is gonna like them. So tell me, do you want to actually be a parent? Or do you want to take the easy way out or and have your child bitch and moan to get what they want and you give in because "Oh, their feelings😢" Grow up. We don't need anymore Karen's in the world
YASS!! 💯💯💯 My mom said out of all my siblings, my one sister threw a total of two full blown tantrums. The rest of us only threw one. Why? Because we learned young that tantrums are not effective ways to express ourselves. My parents were not at all abusive; the occasional spanking was a last resort when they needed to get a child's attention and help snap them out of an emotional spiral. And it worked. I still felt very loved and to this day we all have a great relationship with our parents! I am currently teaching this to my 6-yr-old. I sometimes even tell her "I will not respond to whining or wailing. Take a deep breath to calm down, and then talk like a big kid to tell me what's going on."
This is so me communicating with my kids! My children are considered older or big kids! When I get to my last shred of sanity, I start counting backwards from five. Idk what will happen if I ever make it to one, but we have never found out and my kids are 15, 13, & 10! 🤣🤣
There’s a fine line. I work with kids in psych so can’t undue what I know lol but also demand first time obedience. It’s okay to have feelings but there also needs to be self control. It can’t dictate decisions or cause maladaptive actions.
I rarely got into trouble or had to be told something more than once as kid. I didn't want to disappoint my parents. We had a good relationship and I didn't want to let them down.
I am exactly 5 feet tall. My husband is 6’2”. So I knew our kids, both boys, were going to be tall, and at an early age. From the get go I instilled the fear of the Mommy Look. I taught them my no meant no freaking way, don’t even think about it. I taught them to enunciate, say please and thank you, and to stand up straight and walk right. But I loved how everyone told me my kids were so well behaved and how did I manage that. Folks, I was raising someone’s employee. Even the CEO has a boss. They’re now productive members of society.
Best way to deal with a tantrum is to ignore it. They figure out they don’t get their way that way and they straighten up. No smacking no screaming no nothing just ignore it. No I will not talk to them in that state of mind because they are not able to rationalize and hear you in that state of mind. When they calm down is when I speak to them. No they do not need to have instant gratification they need to learn patience they learn patience by watching you exercise patience. Teacher for 25 years.
To be fair, the kids of parents who gently parent them…DO NOT HAVE temper tantrums because unlike regular shitty parenting, those kids UNDERSTAND that they can use their big kid WORDS and communicate what the fuck is wrong. 🤗
When my daughter was younger, she tried to throw a temper tantrum at me. I can’t even remember what she was upset about. However, I told her she could throw her tantrum for as long as she wanted to. The only thing was that she has to throw it in her room, where no one else had to listen to it. And I told her that when she was finished she could come back out and join the family. I don’t remember her throwing another tantrum after that.
@@CrownedOne919 I grew up with a belt on a nail and one in the glove box, What you talking about. We said, Yes mam and no mam and ya sir and no sir in the grocery store. Anything else was just translated to a ass woopin. Kids now days act possessed. 🤪
@@leeannhoffman3556 You know the drill! I co-sign that! LOL! #70sBaby80sKid Shidddd, the LOOK was enuff, and I only got 3 short belt smacks on the ass in my entire childhood (I remember dates and times, lol), so I grew a halo LMAO! I only had to be told once! My cousins, however, they did the most! Trees lost branches during THEIR younger years! LMAO
My mom didn’t need words she had a look and if I wanted to challenge that look then I would learn my lesson on who’s the boss 😂 but that’s why I learned and respect her, she’s a no nonsense type of parent ❤
I used to be scared of more authoritative parenting after what I got as a kid. I recently realized though that life has very painful consequences, and I’d rather my kid experience those with me out of love, than the hard way from others. Only took to me 17 years to figure it out though. Thank God she’s a good kid now.
Agreed. Every time i see someone making fun of gentle parenting or just straight up refusing to hear anything about it, i lose a little bit of my respect for them.
Yes 😅 idk where you said anything about physical abuse... I completely agree 💯 I imagine that's where all these entitled brats are coming from. Gentle parents! 😅😅😅 Fr fr, staaaawp!!! Be real with your children, and use patience. It doesn't have to be one or the other.
And gentle parenting does not mean there is no discipline. There are just some parents online who take it to an extreme and misrepresent it for everyone.
Sister you need to do a podcast on motherhood and parenting! I have a 4 year old boy. Single mom. He’s FULL of life and BOY - the blow ups are pretty REAL right now lol. No Tolerance is a hard one right now!.
😂 This is my husband to a T. Compassion with a slice of "dont f*ck with me". Really its just like a lot of us were raised back in the 80s. Common phrase in my house growing up..."You want to cry over dumb stuff?!? I'll give you something to cry about." I caught myself saying the same thing the other day to my kiddo and had a deja vue moment.
My mom's favorite quote when we were being generally whiney or already hung up on something dumb and rebellious was. "If you don't stop crying I will give you something to cry about." Ya... I ALWAYS believed her. She wasn't lying.
@@cloudy_beats.29no probably not. The level of disrespect kids show in this country is insane. I respect other cultures for this reason. The Mexicans families here have some of the most well behaved kids.
Fully agree. While feelings are important and valid to some extent for the person feeling them it’s what you do with the feelings that matter. Don’t let your feelings make you act out because in an hour it might not be that serious to you and you may regret your rash actions. Sure we should teach kids what they feel is important in the sense that on a personal level they should try and figure out why they feel that way but they should never use their feelings as justification for acting out or doing certain actions. Learning to control our emotions is one thing that makes us so different from other animals. Being able to feel the emotion but also use logic to break down what’s going on. Understanding the emotion is uncalled for and not to act on it. I just think about how I would feel while pregnant and even after having my kids. I would be pissed I had to wake up and pump while everyone else slept. Imagine if I had acted on those feelings and just woke my husband up and demanded the divorce I was thinking about. It would’ve been a stupid reaction to a feeling that in the end passed. I absolutely hate we are headed into a world where we base laws off feelings.
I think it's different with different kids, but when my mom passed away, all my dad did was gentle parenting with me. He explained why certain things were allowed and why certain things weren't, he was extremely calm with me, never raised his voice or hand with me. I am very grateful for him as he taught me valuable life lessons without the need of harsh words or actions.
As a parent, it's essential to listen to your child's feelings, but it's also important to set boundaries and teach them about consequences. Simply giving in to their every whim can create entitled behavior and a lack of respect for authority. While I consider myself a gentle parent, I also believe in using firm language when necessary to get my point across. It's concerning to see children with a complete lack of control, especially when I see it in families with military service members where discipline and structure are often emphasized. 🤦🏻♀️
That's legit me, I dnt tolerate shit like that either, I give them a choice which is Them or ME, period. In 09 I put myself & daughter in a home to help me w/everything I had the other women calling me out for NOT allowing them to touch or hold her & I was like um, she dnt want to be touched that obviously opened the door for ALL the NUMEROUS therapist's to ask 'What's that really about?' Obviously I dnt want to be touched, IRRELEVANT for neither does she, I went thru HELL & back in that place for almost 2 yrs & I have ZERO TOLERANCE myself tho I swear jst not @ them or whoever, I NVR attack ad hominem. This woman is legit the fckng bestest & a Golden Goddess. ❤❤
My son is now 23……we get along famously. But even to this day, if he steps over the line (due to being in a bad mood or whatever) I simply have a tone or give a look and that’s all it takes. Then all it takes a little while and we’re right as rain again. Now that he’s an adult, I have to learn my place as well. It’s hard to let it go when it’s a topic that I need to respectably give him his space in.
"Parents" today are not parents... You become "Parents" when "The Look" is enough to correct "bad behavior"... And "the thought" is always with them when you are not.
My boys who are 9 & 13 they get a dose of “gentle parenting” when I get frustrated because they are arguing or not listening. I say “do I need to do gentle parenting. Is this what will make you listen?” I put on my best Disney princess voice and do the gentle parenting talk. They absolutely hate it. They said they would rather me scream at them 😂 Really. Makes them feels as ridiculous as I sound.
This is legit why I get offended when people talk about gentle parenting...this is what ai thought they were talking about. LOL 😂 The extreme of actually just letting kids do whatever isn't "gentle" it's LAZY and NEGLIGENT aka abusive. Gentleness is fruit of the spirit. ❤
@candace owens watching or listening to you i become a better human being. The world needs more @candace owens it will def be a much better place.. god bless you and your beautiful amazing family
I’m a gentle parent. The first time. 😂😂 if say it again I’ll say it ugly and I’m getting up to come investigate. The middle knows after I say his name a second time in a stern voice he’ll go “ok fine mommy” 😂😂😂 thank you sir 😂😂😂
My 2yo has been spitting a lot lately when he’s upset. I was getting so perplexed and I finally told him, “When you spit at me, I feel like hitting you in the face. I’m not going to, but that’s how I feel. Please use these words to communicate your feelings instead: ‘I feel upset.’” I choose effective parenting over gentle parenting. It’s ok to be stern and upfront with your kids.
This is the funniest and most on point segment EVER! 💀I teach at my kids’ Christian school/homeschool co-op and the kids who have clearly been raised with “gentle parenting” are disrespectful and of control.. it’s simply not good parenting.
Haha. That’s how I parent. Not with a he swearing but I basically say, if you keep doing what you are doing, how is that going to work for you? And explain the consequences of their actions. I then let my child make the decision and follow through with the consequences. I think it’s better to let them make decisions and realize the weight of consequences while those decisions are small than when they are older and the decisions are big and consequences are severe.
Absolutely nicer than my mom did. I remember waking up after she gave me a back breaker and throwing me off of our 2 story deck when i first told her i hated her at 10.. I didn't go to school for 2 weeks.😅
In Africa kids are not told twice to do anything.
Very true that!!! Just the look a mother gives is a million in terms of words.
What happens once they reach America? 😩
Just because it’s done like that don’t mean it’s good . I seen the scars on my loves face from his upbringing , it killed me
@@user-xt7pp5yy9w done like what? so you think Africa is full of abusive parents who just don't know what they're doing? The kids that come up the worst are always the ones that have never been disciplined. They think them and parents are equal and so they treat society around them that way. There is a difference!
You know, we were told once by my dad in the 70's. Once...one time ☝️. Period.
*This is hilarious!! People could never understand why my children always behaved so well in the store. I explained to them that going to the store with mommy was a PRIVILEGE and NOT a birthright!! If ANY of them tried to throw a fit or misbehaved while in the store, I did NOT care how badly I needed something or how full my cart 🛒 was, or how much I was inconvenienced having to go back to the store later, we left IMMEDIATELY!!! It only takes a couple of times for them to learn this lesson, but it was WORTH it!!! Children throw fits because their parents give into them rather than deal with the situation!! Say what you mean and MEAN what you say EVERY single time and NOT just when it is more convenient for you!! You MUST start this early. A child that understands that their tantrums do NOT make you give in, learns to understand the boundaries. DISCIPLINE is NOT punishment!!! It is teaching your child boundaries and acceptable behavior, so that you do NOT have to punish them!!! Children also learn by example. If you are setting a poor example of behavior, NO amount of discipline or punishment will EVER be effective for your child!!! Imho*
This is beautiful
Well said!👏
This I agree with and this I will apply.
My mom never punished herself when I misbehaved. She just spanked me and continued shopping.
Omg! This is exactly how I feel! My greatest accomplishment in life is not my many awards or careers or degrees….my greatest accomplishment is being a good parent who raised a good, strong, moral, young man. Once we become a parent we have to always be aware that this little person is watching every move we make, and will copy us. I’ve had many of my son’s teachers tell me that the child matches the parent…no matter what the parent says, lol.
I saw a post the other day where someone said, "I tried gentle parenting, but my child don't be gentle childing." 😂
I'm SCREAMING😂😂😂😂😂. That's my son lmao. I need to use that. Thank you for the morning laugh
😂😂😂
Gentleness is fruit of the spirit. As a Christian that's important. As is self-control. The thing is I don't think this isn't gentle (minus the cursing or slightly threatening feel LOL) ...this is teaching respect and boundaries. Vs "gentle" parenting that is really just LAZY and NEGLIGENT. As with most things today, the left ruins the definitions that make sense.
@@ari3lz3pp Absolutely agree 💯
Looooool
I’m a black Latina and growing up my mom NEVER tolerated a temper tantrum. I worked as a nanny for a while and met several families who used gentle parenting. Some of these children became intolerable and they ruled the house. There’s one whose mom hired a therapist who diagnosed them with autism and said all the temper tantrums are due to do that. This kid calls all the shots at their house. Let me tell you, when that kid was with me there was no “autism tantrums”.
Oh wow! Te entiendo perfectamente.
Asi es con mis sobrinos. Los amo con todo mi corazón pero cuando están conmigo, se comportan tan diferentes que cuando están con sus abuelitos (my parents) o con sus papás (my brother and his wife)
Cuando vienen a mi casa yo no los dejo gritar, correr, pelear, hacer berrinches o contestarme de mal forma. Una vez el más chico me contesto “NO” and I was like WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?! I didn’t even yell. It was my tone. And that was it. That was the moment that little boy never disrespected me again.
you’re actually confirming that the child, in fact, did have autism. autistic children excel with strict routines/schedules and tend to do exceptionally well when they’re with adults with clear and concise directions
I've learned that a balance between gentle parenting and dont f*ck w me is the way to go 😂 👌
I call it “tool kit parenting.” In my tool belt I’ve got a few gentle parenting tools, and when the situation requires, I’ve got some authoritative ones too. But now listen, if kiddo ain’t being so receptive to any of them, then that’s when the big, bad “authoritarian” tool gets used. Not often needed, but there just in case.
@@smb0621 gentle parenting is authoritative parenting. Some confuse gentle parenting with permissive parenting which is not what it should be.
Best parenting advice I ever received: “What’s cute at two is not cute at twelve.”
Second best: never use the words “shut up” to your child.
These are such good advice. Ty!
But if I may ask, what’s the reasoning behind the second advice? I’m just curious. I know it’s impolite to say shut up but why not use that when you’re scolding them? Sometimes they try to interrupt me and I’ll tell them to shut up . I try to choose my words wisely but I can feel frustrated sometimes that it slips out. I don’t ever use curse words. Ever. But I will say shut up. 😢
@@marycelalopez it kinda feels wrong for your mother to tell you to shut up, it sounds immature I guess? My mum would tell us to "be quiet', she would never say "shut up" I guess it builds a different level, her being our Mum and not a friend.
I can’t stand the “inside voices please!” nooooo tell them “HEY! No yelling” Then you yell so they see how annoying it is
Discipline is key.
Discipline, yes. Inflicting physical pain, no.
@@mistypedhiwith guidance and boundaries
@@mistypedhi
Oh please.
A spanking by a loving parent never damaged any child.
Child abuse is a completely different thing.
@@deborahrouse5644research and facts deny that statement
@@calliou542 Your research is flawed.
So true! My daughter is on the spectrum, and I am tough on her because I know she is meant for amazing things. And she is turning into an affectionate and independent young lady
Good for you! I have family members who are on the spectrum....their parents make excuses for them regarding everything. Some things are the autism, some things the kids in my family are running the house. I LOVE that you hold your daughter accountable. Thank you!
@@ashlieleavelle thank you so much for your words of encouragement. It means a lot to me.🥰
There's a line between not letting your child throw a needless temper tantrum and teaching them not to have feelings because someone else has total control over you. It's a fine line.
I had 4 children all with strong characters and not ONE of them would have ever DARED throw a public tantrum. Teaching them self-possession has served them extremely well in life.
Same! We trained them how to act in public. They are delightful to go out with
How? Please share
When my dad spoke, you moved! Or he moved you! And not in a gentle way! Lol
Ditto. And I'd bet we're both better for it (I know I am). 👍
On God. My dad plays no games😂
That reminds me of the line in the original Harriet the Spy. Where her dad goes “if you make me move you- I will move you.” Harriet submitted right away lol
@@2004dale Yes. And "when I move you, it won't be kind and gentle like setting down a puppy." When I move you, you will KNOW you've been "moved."
My kids are like this with my husband. It takes me at least two times to say things before they actually do it. 🤦🏽♀️
I never ended my directions with "ok?"... I always end with "you hear?" Or "understnad?".
That’s what I’ve always done with mine too I make sure they’re understanding and can iterate it back that yes ma’am they understand!
Now I've learnt something
This is every conversation I have with my dog trying to discipline him 😂
😂
And he didn't listen
He told you "if you don't shut the fuck up. I'm gonna bark the hell out of you!".
😂😂
So do I, but he disobeys me anyway. That damn Dog. 😓
You are an amazing mother! You understand how the world operates and you actually care about your children's health, wealth, and ability to function successfully in the world! Parents need to be parents.
Fear & common sense. Two human characteristics not enforced in homes today. It stars in the home.
You said that perfectly
@@AutismmommyTeenagermommyFoodBo ☺️my morning is brighter because of you. U feel like a kindred spirit.
Yes they do! But wait until they become teenagers! Don’t care how well you raised them all they need is that one friend to change them. Also, controlling Candace’s children will rebel. Guaranteed
When my daughter had a tantrum I mimicked her. I got down on the floor and kicked and screamed which made her stop immediately to say, "I don't look like that!" That was her last time doing it. I say "Use your words" so she learns to communicate better.
As a single mom of a son and daughter I didn't take crap. I told them it was my job to raise decent citizens who would contributed to society. They are both grown now with their own children. My grandchildren are the most amazing, hardworking and disciplined young adults you could meet. Disciplining your child and teaching them respect is a life-long gift you give them.
100% with Candace. No tolerance but no cussing at kids.
Waarom lacht ze dan?
Amen! Feelings are valid, but acting out is absolutely not. No screaming allowed
My DAD and MOM had a facial expression that could cause cardiac arrest in my brother, sister and me.
Same.
I MASTERED the LOOK 🤬
F AROUND AND FIND OUT
Same. My moms face would keep me in check..
Same for me but only my dad
Only to be outdone by my 5’2” Grandmother😂😂😂
"Let's slip those crocs on". Had me rollin😂😂😂
Sometimes there is NO TIME for feelings. If kids think that every damn feeling they have is relevant and valid, they will grow up to be whiney, entitled adults that everyone hates.
And who think they can embarrass Candace Owens or Ben Shapiro in public.
Aye! A factual comment. 👍👍👍
I was criticized by many parents that were soft on their children that I was a little loud a little too aggressive a little overbearing and had two great of expectations. I'm not trying to be pompous here or two my own horn but when my son tells me repeatedly, thank God you were straightforward dead because these kids are losers, they're depressed. They're cutting theirselves. They're suicidal. They're soft. All they care about is the digital world. What I used to tell him to get off his ass clean his room. Have respect, go outside and exercise. Go fishing right a four-wheeler when his other friends come over. They're amazed at how I won't allow him to just sit on his ass.
@@timothymckinney9259 I'm not a screamer, and I rarely raised my voice to my children. I did try to be sensitive to their needs and I was gentle when needed. However, when my youngest would throw a fit if I said "no", I didn't indulge him. I didn't use "gentle parenting". I never hit my children but I never gave in to their every feeling. Sometimes children will test you as well. My boys know that whining and entitlement will not be tolerated. You EARN your way through life. You EARN respect. That's it. Nobody cares about your feelings so you better have a thick skin.
@@timothymckinney9259 My oldest just turned 21. We went fishing and drank crappy beer😎
She's always dressed so well and looks so good. You're gorgeous inside and out, Candace!
The thing is I don’t need to yell at my kids because they already know better at this point, they behave 95% of the time but when they don’t the threat of me putting them in time out etc is enough to get them to stop whatever they’re doing immediately, I’ve never once had to deal with a temper tantrum in public, some kids are left to run wild and yes I absolutely do judge the parents 👀 me and my friend were out with our babies last week and she had to tell off someone else’s children, they were about 12 years old and they were in the baby area which children over the age of 2 aren’t allowed in anyway and they were being violent with each other, kicking things and running around crazy near all the babies, she’s Nigerian and lived there most of her life so she had no issue putting them in their place whereas I’ve noticed a lot of British parents are scared to say ANYTHING to someone else’s children, I don’t care 🤷🏼♀️ if you aren’t going to put your child in their place then someone has to, when we were eating lunch those same children were shouting things like “fatty” at grown adults who were trying to eat their food and the parents sat there the whole time doing NOTHING
Yeah it's quite terrifying the complete lack of accountability for anyone these days. But especially for parents. Raise your children as a parent, NOT pretend you are friends. Kids need discipline. They need to be taught how to navigate this world successfully. That means without it chewing them up and spitting them back out again. Telling a child NO when necessary and not always allowing them what they WANT, is being a good parent. Most the time if you do it right there isn't a need to have to do more than time out. I've been able to use time out without issue quite successful for the most part. My kid is only 7 but she is respectful and has always known how to behave out in public but also just in general. Her teacher often sends me emails to give her a little extra praise at school for being the single kid to stand against the mob mentality that's been happening lately where they're getting a bit over excited and kind of crazy and out of hand and the teacher tells them settle down and clean up for example and they full on refuse. 3 times now she's told me after school about the other kids being extremely disrespectful and at first i thought awesome job but maybe she's being a little bit dramatic about it being just her that listened. But then I'd get an email from the teacher thanking me for how great she is in class and how she was indeed the ONLY kid listening. Things seem to be going better now they've sent out several emails and had a couple meetings for the couple kids whom seem to be kind of the "ring leaders" an what not but I was so proud of her. And continue to be. She even talks about how sometimes she doesn't wanna do things but she knows it's because she has to. An the fact a 7 year old can understand this concept an yet so very many parents don't seem to is disheartening to say the least.
@@WhatTheWHAT524my son is the same he’s almost 4 but everyone always says how polite and well behaved and the same things as your daughter he will say I don’t want to but he knows he has to so he does it anyway without issue, same thing as your daughter aswell he will be one of the only ones tidying the toys away at the end of the day at pre school, it’s so easy to tell apart who’s a decent parent and who isn’t these days purely by looking at the attitude of these children
You can be friendly with your children, but never their friends. By that I mean you can have a great fun day with them, and enjoy whatever activity you do with them as much as they do, but at the end of the day don't forget you are a parent, not a friend. At the end of the day out, when it was time to go home my children knew better than to throw a tantrum because they wanted to stay longer.
@@laurence-tw7su yes 🙌🏻
😂 love this soooo much 😅🤭🤣 No swearing but, spot on lol
There can be a compromise between helping kids work through their emotions and not feeding into tantrums. That middle ground is how we mitigate the narcissism problem in our society. Both extremes are extremely likely to create personality disorders.
If my mom had to repeat herself it wouldn't be with words. It would be with a "chancla" flying across the room at you, full speed 😂
Girl I HEAR you!! I have 3 teenagers and you can ask them I have 0 tolerance for tantrums, 0 tolerance for excuses, and 0 tolerance for laziness!! More parents need to be this way!!
Great job, Candice!! Your kids will be good adults!! God bless!
That's why I said gentle parenting is for gentle children.
I died and went to heaven when he said “if you don’t shut the fuck up and put your shoes on, I’m going to start having big feelings” my soul left my body 😂
Mom just had that look, and we knew to zip it, do what we are supposed to, and exit stage left quietly!
Yes mom was strict, but raised us with manners and respect for others!
The crazy part is that this IS gentle parenting minus the swearing. Gentle parenting isn’t about the kid’s emotions, it’s about how the parent controls THEIR emotions during a child’s emotional episode. Kids will have feelings! They are kids, parents, we’re supposed to be emotionally matured enough to control ourselves.
Matter of fact, if you need to swear at your kids in a calm manner, and it helps to stay relaxed, I’d say go for it.
I’m so glad I had my father in my life. I love him but he was intimidating but not to the point of cruelty. You respected him.
Yes! Kids thrive off of boundaries even if they throw temper tantrums. Discipline and boundaries are the key to a successful and happy life. This is true for kids and adults
To all the parents out there trying to understand your child's "big" feelings...
If it is a meltdown, it is because they are exhausted!!! It's less about what has them upset and more about not being able to control their emotions because they need rest. They've either stopped taking naps or have had a busy day for their side with no break. You can avoid meltdowns by watching for signs like rubbing eyes, being whiney... and use that as a sign to find a quiet activity to do alone at home.
If it is a temper tantrum, it's because they think their behavior will have a positive reward. They'll either get what they want or they'll get some comforting and love from their parent. Tell them not okay and walk away.
Yes!! I am so over the current parenting trends!
Gentle parenting is good
@@ashleyneco Gentle parenting is a joke. You're kids are gonna grow up to be whiney entitled adults called "Karen's" and no one is gonna like them. So tell me, do you want to actually be a parent? Or do you want to take the easy way out or and have your child bitch and moan to get what they want and you give in because "Oh, their feelings😢"
Grow up. We don't need anymore Karen's in the world
isn't that scary?
omg i totally LOST it!!!
yaaaa - i totally understand her. zero tolerance.
Candace you are Absolutely Awesome!!!
If you WERE these college kids' mummy, Ms. Owens, they would probably be acting like responsible adults.
It’s the calm assertiveness for me 😅😂
YASS!! 💯💯💯
My mom said out of all my siblings, my one sister threw a total of two full blown tantrums. The rest of us only threw one. Why? Because we learned young that tantrums are not effective ways to express ourselves. My parents were not at all abusive; the occasional spanking was a last resort when they needed to get a child's attention and help snap them out of an emotional spiral. And it worked. I still felt very loved and to this day we all have a great relationship with our parents!
I am currently teaching this to my 6-yr-old. I sometimes even tell her "I will not respond to whining or wailing. Take a deep breath to calm down, and then talk like a big kid to tell me what's going on."
This is so me communicating with my kids! My children are considered older or big kids! When I get to my last shred of sanity, I start counting backwards from five. Idk what will happen if I ever make it to one, but we have never found out and my kids are 15, 13, & 10! 🤣🤣
The fear if we ever had to be told twice 😅
There’s a fine line. I work with kids in psych so can’t undue what I know lol but also demand first time obedience. It’s okay to have feelings but there also needs to be self control. It can’t dictate decisions or cause maladaptive actions.
I rarely got into trouble or had to be told something more than once as kid. I didn't want to disappoint my parents. We had a good relationship and I didn't want to let them down.
I am exactly 5 feet tall. My husband is 6’2”. So I knew our kids, both boys, were going to be tall, and at an early age. From the get go I instilled the fear of the Mommy Look. I taught them my no meant no freaking way, don’t even think about it. I taught them to enunciate, say please and thank you, and to stand up straight and walk right. But I loved how everyone told me my kids were so well behaved and how did I manage that. Folks, I was raising someone’s employee. Even the CEO has a boss. They’re now productive members of society.
Gentle parenting 😂😂 literally never herd of it. Yeah I don't swear at them but I do mutter a few words here and there behind their backs 😂
Best way to deal with a tantrum is to ignore it. They figure out they don’t get their way that way and they straighten up. No smacking no screaming no nothing just ignore it. No I will not talk to them in that state of mind because they are not able to rationalize and hear you in that state of mind. When they calm down is when I speak to them. No they do not need to have instant gratification they need to learn patience they learn patience by watching you exercise patience. Teacher for 25 years.
That is a major 10-04!
Edit: Also gives parents time to take a few deep breaths and cool off because doing anything feels good when full of steam.
That was me with my kids . They are an asset to society.. and not a liability… you don’t have to almost kill them .just keep them in their lane..js
I like her hair like that. Gorgeous.
There is a difference between gentle and permissive.
To be fair, the kids of parents who gently parent them…DO NOT HAVE temper tantrums because unlike regular shitty parenting, those kids UNDERSTAND that they can use their big kid WORDS and communicate what the fuck is wrong. 🤗
When my daughter was younger, she tried to throw a temper tantrum at me. I can’t even remember what she was upset about. However, I told her she could throw her tantrum for as long as she wanted to. The only thing was that she has to throw it in her room, where no one else had to listen to it. And I told her that when she was finished she could come back out and join the family. I don’t remember her throwing another tantrum after that.
👏🏻👏🏻 That's great! I have said something similar to my child. I also tell her I won't tolerate whining. Talk like a big kid!
When I was little I had a bad habit of saying,😂 WHAT.
Even though I clearly heard my dad. Until he told my Mom it stood for Woop Her A?? Twice.😂
Haaa haaa !!!! Love this!!!
I love your parents for that one! I bet your mom fell TF out laughing at that one!
@@CrownedOne919
I grew up with a belt on a nail and one in the glove box, What you talking about. We said, Yes mam and no mam and ya sir and no sir in the grocery store. Anything else was just translated to a ass woopin. Kids now days act possessed. 🤪
@@leeannhoffman3556 I'm guessing that's a picture of your son then?
@@leeannhoffman3556
You know the drill! I co-sign that!
LOL!
#70sBaby80sKid
Shidddd, the LOOK was enuff, and I only got 3 short belt smacks on the ass in my entire childhood (I remember dates and times, lol), so I grew a halo LMAO! I only had to be told once!
My cousins, however, they did the most! Trees lost branches during THEIR younger years! LMAO
My mom didn’t need words she had a look and if I wanted to challenge that look then I would learn my lesson on who’s the boss 😂 but that’s why I learned and respect her, she’s a no nonsense type of parent ❤
Mi Nana had a foul mouth 😅😅 very used to it she was a comical Nana to me, but she was a serious woman. May she rest in light.😌💯🇯🇲🇨🇦
Candace is always amazing!!!
I used to be scared of more authoritative parenting after what I got as a kid. I recently realized though that life has very painful consequences, and I’d rather my kid experience those with me out of love, than the hard way from others. Only took to me 17 years to figure it out though. Thank God she’s a good kid now.
Gentle parenting is actually fantastic; it just has to be done in the right way! :)
Agreed. Every time i see someone making fun of gentle parenting or just straight up refusing to hear anything about it, i lose a little bit of my respect for them.
@@klarauric7821 People just need more understanding of what actual gentle parenting entails! There are SO MANY misconceptions about it.
Someone said gentle parenting is for gentle kids.
Some things are simply non-negotiable. :)
Kids need to be disciplined or else they turn into little brats idk why everyone forgets that
They don't forget. They purposely make new baby liberals
Discipline, yes. Inflicting physical pain, no.
Yes 😅 idk where you said anything about physical abuse... I completely agree 💯 I imagine that's where all these entitled brats are coming from. Gentle parents! 😅😅😅 Fr fr, staaaawp!!! Be real with your children, and use patience. It doesn't have to be one or the other.
...and then teachers have to deal with that shit, while also still getting shit pay...
And gentle parenting does not mean there is no discipline. There are just some parents online who take it to an extreme and misrepresent it for everyone.
Honestly, not the worst approach! Gentle but to the point 😂
I think I just got PTSD of my childhood 😂 I remember crying about things and moms like "do you really want me to give you something to cry about?"
Sister you need to do a podcast on motherhood and parenting! I have a 4 year old boy. Single mom. He’s FULL of life and BOY - the blow ups are pretty REAL right now lol. No Tolerance is a hard one right now!.
This is how my parents were with me. 😂I don't see an issue with it!!
😂 This is my husband to a T. Compassion with a slice of "dont f*ck with me". Really its just like a lot of us were raised back in the 80s. Common phrase in my house growing up..."You want to cry over dumb stuff?!? I'll give you something to cry about." I caught myself saying the same thing the other day to my kiddo and had a deja vue moment.
Have fun in the nursing home Cheryl
My mom's favorite quote when we were being generally whiney or already hung up on something dumb and rebellious was. "If you don't stop crying I will give you something to cry about." Ya... I ALWAYS believed her. She wasn't lying.
This always made me cry more. It always depends on her mood.
Love the channel. Imagine seeing Candace speaking in South African universities lol
Yho!😂
I would love to see it, but I dont think we're as bad as they are in America
I'd love it
@@cloudy_beats.29no probably not. The level of disrespect kids show in this country is insane. I respect other cultures for this reason. The Mexicans families here have some of the most well behaved kids.
Your a good mother!
In Africa, the family rules are set on stone so if you mess up you know that belt is comming one way or another. No conversation required
Growing up, we only had to be told.... ONCE. If we were brave or daring enough to not listen, we got "the look"
Candice's reaction was perfect ❤
Same. No disrespectful talk to my kiddo. But, I can be firm when I need to. I don't fuss around.
Fully agree. While feelings are important and valid to some extent for the person feeling them it’s what you do with the feelings that matter. Don’t let your feelings make you act out because in an hour it might not be that serious to you and you may regret your rash actions. Sure we should teach kids what they feel is important in the sense that on a personal level they should try and figure out why they feel that way but they should never use their feelings as justification for acting out or doing certain actions. Learning to control our emotions is one thing that makes us so different from other animals. Being able to feel the emotion but also use logic to break down what’s going on. Understanding the emotion is uncalled for and not to act on it. I just think about how I would feel while pregnant and even after having my kids. I would be pissed I had to wake up and pump while everyone else slept. Imagine if I had acted on those feelings and just woke my husband up and demanded the divorce I was thinking about. It would’ve been a stupid reaction to a feeling that in the end passed. I absolutely hate we are headed into a world where we base laws off feelings.
I adore you Candace for saying what most of us are thinking 😂
I think it's different with different kids, but when my mom passed away, all my dad did was gentle parenting with me. He explained why certain things were allowed and why certain things weren't, he was extremely calm with me, never raised his voice or hand with me. I am very grateful for him as he taught me valuable life lessons without the need of harsh words or actions.
Thank God someone is actually being a parent
YUP. Fully agree with Candace on this one.
As a parent, it's essential to listen to your child's feelings, but it's also important to set boundaries and teach them about consequences. Simply giving in to their every whim can create entitled behavior and a lack of respect for authority. While I consider myself a gentle parent, I also believe in using firm language when necessary to get my point across. It's concerning to see children with a complete lack of control, especially when I see it in families with military service members where discipline and structure are often emphasized. 🤦🏻♀️
That's legit me, I dnt tolerate shit like that either, I give them a choice which is Them or ME, period. In 09 I put myself & daughter in a home to help me w/everything I had the other women calling me out for NOT allowing them to touch or hold her & I was like um, she dnt want to be touched that obviously opened the door for ALL the NUMEROUS therapist's to ask 'What's that really about?' Obviously I dnt want to be touched, IRRELEVANT for neither does she, I went thru HELL & back in that place for almost 2 yrs & I have ZERO TOLERANCE myself tho I swear jst not @ them or whoever, I NVR attack ad hominem. This woman is legit the fckng bestest & a Golden Goddess. ❤❤
What do you mean by a home? Like a nursing home?
Sounds like a good dad😂😂😂
My son is now 23……we get along famously. But even to this day, if he steps over the line (due to being in a bad mood or whatever) I simply have a tone or give a look and that’s all it takes. Then all it takes a little while and we’re right as rain again. Now that he’s an adult, I have to learn my place as well. It’s hard to let it go when it’s a topic that I need to respectably give him his space in.
You’re one of the most amazing woman I know.
This was the episode where she was whining about people whining.😂 😂
"Parents" today are not parents...
You become "Parents" when "The Look" is enough to correct "bad behavior"... And "the thought" is always with them when you are not.
Oh that is definitely me also, of course minus the cussing! Lol
My boys who are 9 & 13 they get a dose of “gentle parenting” when I get frustrated because they are arguing or not listening. I say “do I need to do gentle parenting. Is this what will make you listen?” I put on my best Disney princess voice and do the gentle parenting talk. They absolutely hate it. They said they would rather me scream at them 😂 Really. Makes them feels as ridiculous as I sound.
Well said!! I am so glad you don't stand for children misbehaving and I am glad you are laughing at yourself
This is legit why I get offended when people talk about gentle parenting...this is what ai thought they were talking about. LOL 😂 The extreme of actually just letting kids do whatever isn't "gentle" it's LAZY and NEGLIGENT aka abusive. Gentleness is fruit of the spirit. ❤
@candace owens watching or listening to you i become a better human being. The world needs more @candace owens it will def be a much better place.. god bless you and your beautiful amazing family
That was me, if I was a dad! So hilarious omg
This is absolutely me trying gentle parenting lol 😂
I’m a gentle parent. The first time. 😂😂 if say it again I’ll say it ugly and I’m getting up to come investigate. The middle knows after I say his name a second time in a stern voice he’ll go “ok fine mommy” 😂😂😂 thank you sir 😂😂😂
My 2yo has been spitting a lot lately when he’s upset. I was getting so perplexed and I finally told him, “When you spit at me, I feel like hitting you in the face. I’m not going to, but that’s how I feel. Please use these words to communicate your feelings instead: ‘I feel upset.’”
I choose effective parenting over gentle parenting. It’s ok to be stern and upfront with your kids.
Lmao, that's exactly how I "gentle parent!!!"
God bless you CO! Your feet are firmly on the ground.
I’m 31. This wasn’t a thing when my siblings and I were growing up. You respected your parents and what they said, and that was it.
This is the funniest and most on point segment EVER! 💀I teach at my kids’ Christian school/homeschool co-op and the kids who have clearly been raised with “gentle parenting” are disrespectful and of control.. it’s simply not good parenting.
Haha. That’s how I parent. Not with a he swearing but I basically say, if you keep doing what you are doing, how is that going to work for you? And explain the consequences of their actions. I then let my child make the decision and follow through with the consequences. I think it’s better to let them make decisions and realize the weight of consequences while those decisions are small than when they are older and the decisions are big and consequences are severe.
Absolutely nicer than my mom did.
I remember waking up after she gave me a back breaker and throwing me off of our 2 story deck when i first told her i hated her at 10..
I didn't go to school for 2 weeks.😅