UPDATED: My Twin Sister Can't Accept That Our Dying Dad Disowned & Wont Forgive Her For What She Did
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- čas přidán 24. 11. 2020
- Backstory: My family used to be really close but that changed in 2003 when my dad (55M) discovered that my mom (54F) was having an affair with John(54M) my dad's childhood best friend (he was basically his brother back then and he was my dad's best man in his wedding with mom). He begged her to stay and work things out but my mom ended up leaving him for John and eventually they got a divorce and my mom ended up marrying John 5 months later.
My twin sister Sarah(27F) was always the stereotypical ''daddy's girl'', dad spoiled her a bit more than the rest of us and she was basically his shadow back then and that's why was really surprising to us that Sarah choose to stay with our mom after the divorce.
Story 1:
UPDATE: My dad disowned my sister and he is dying, how do I convince her to let him go?
Story 2:
I (37M) have a biological child who I've never seen (17F) wanting to make contact which I don't want but my family does. What should I do here?
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Story 1: UPDATE 5:24
UPDATE: My dad disowned my sister and he is dying, how do I convince her to let him go?
Story 2: 11:52
I (37M) have a biological child who I've never seen (17F) wanting to make contact which I don't want but my family does. What should I do here?
Please update for the first story
Second story... dudes parents are being selfish. He wants nothing to do with the kid because it's a living reminder of when he had been both raped, and then forced to pay his rapist. this is just me but I'd meet the kid and let them know straight up that their mom forced themselves on me, then forced me to pay child support, and that I didn't want nor do I want to meet her. Again, that's just me
@@miceltusav88 Personally I think he's being selfish, not because he wants nothing to do with her but because he's so expecting of his parents. His resentment towards his daughter isn't a good enough reason to expect his parents to have nothing to do with her.
I want to say maybe the future kid is your Fathers reincarnation
@@duewhat9815 Me how was he supposed to react his daughter betrayed him by having another man walk her down the aisle who his wife slept with betraying him I would’ve done the same thing no hurry have anything not even one last wish
If John had a shred of humanity he'd have declined walking her down the aisle so his friend and her bio-dad would be the only one to do it. He took his wife and his daughter. He couldn't even give him that symbolic gesture? What a POS.
THIS. Seems like John, the mother and daughter are all classic narcissists. If I were in this family I would have little to no contact with all three.
It was John that was the sticking point. John alone. He was willing to share the space with him, but not the honor that goes to a father. Sarah is a disgusting human... John fits well as her new dad.
Lawyers. What do you expect? You need to be a narcissist to do the career
Frickin' AMEN to that!
I agree. This broke my heart! I can't imagine the pain that the bio dad felt
Maybe I'm just not mature enough for this, but I don't feel bad about Sarah's guilt at all. She chose the homewrecker, she can wallow in guilt forever.
Agreed mate
If she was spoiled maybe she thought that she could do whatever and never understood how she was affecting others, while watching the video I could only think "what a monster"
I don't think anyone reasonable would think otherwise
@@damiang888 What you said is probably the case with Sarah. I used to be a spoiled brat and at the time I always thought that everything is about me and I never really think about the consequences of my actions and how others might feel about it. It's too bad in her chase though, because she realize it way too late and it costs her her relationship with the person who genuinely loved her. (I am not trying to justify Sarah's action btw)
She was very young and manipulated by two narcissists. She is in a terrible situation. I don't think she understood how what she did could affect her father. She had two father figures. It was only logical for her. Inconsiderate sure, but I don't think she meant anything bad by it. She just didn't think it through. Then the father who has always been kind and understanding to her totally loses his crap over what she thought was a great compromise. She is only trying to maintain a relationship with everyone. But her father doesn't allow her to do that. Her father forces her to pick sides. Usually people tend to pick the opposite side after such thing. Yes, she made a mistake, but it was only one mistake and she is a human too. A human dealing with an incredibly difficult situation. And her father cut her off after one mistake. He had a lot on his plate too, but that was really cruel.
BIG Respect to the uncles for kicking out John & the Ex from the funeral. That’s true brotherly love. No way they didn’t leave feeling ashamed.
If they would have the audacity to come to my brother funeral they would be dead soon
@@scorpion1828 talk about an excuse to be a murderer over cheating lmao. All you gotta do is keep them away from you, its not hard to be a decent human and letting someone live and suffer their mistakes without putting your freedom at risk to make an end. Get mental help lmao
@@MOIMOIZ if they would hurt my brother I would take the justice on my own hands,I don't give a fuck what you say an insult to my brother wouldn't go unnoticed by me and I would kill for him and die if I had too because those who have brothers can understand
@@MOIMOIZweirdo vibes ngl
They are lawyers. They don't feel emotions like shame or regret. Pychopaths don't have feelings like that.
The moral of the story is: Sarah deserves every ounce of pain she feels.
Why because a stupid old man can't get over an ex that was not in love with him? Cause he wanted to be a control freak?
@@WillianyAmill
how about she stabbed her father in back multiple times and he took it like a man. He had one request the 30-second walk down the aisle that all?! Instead, she blinds sides him and says has to share his only dream with a guy who basically ruined his life. Tell why she doesn't deserve the pain?
@@WillianyAmill Why do I have the feeling that if the genders were reversed, u would be supporting the “control freak” 🤔
@@nexuseagles6279 She thinks she doesn’t deserve pain because she’s a woman
@@WillianyAmill saying this doesn't make you an feminist, It only makes you a hypocryte :)
I just realized that nowhere did the OP say that Sarah expressed any regret or remorse for choosing John, just sadness and regret that she wasn’t allowed to reconnect with her father before he passed.
Exactly.
@@dagineaujackson262 She had no right to trouble a dying man with her odious self, she should slither under the rock she lives in with her cold and dark soul.
my grandmother tried to reconnect with me when she was dying I never visited her and never regrated it. you don`t get to make amends when one of the parties is dying. it is cheap and unacceptable. in the story, Sarah knew that was a bad idea which is why she waited for the last day to drop that knife on her father's back. she wanted her father to walk her down the aisle with the man the betray him and ruined his marriage. there are lines that should never be crossed and now she needs to be an adult and leave with the consequences of her actions. she destroyed the relationship with her father.
Because from her perspective John is the great stepdad who raised her and mentored her alongside real dad. This may be hard for some to understand, but she was a kid at the time of the divorce and likely didn't understand the betrayal her dad felt here, she just thought she needed her mom for whatever reason. Because she lived with John, he was the one there for the day-to-day dad stuff, while real dad was ALSO there in the wings offering support. She likely didn't realize the amount of hurt that caused her father, and may have thought that because dad still wanted a relationship with her that he had no problem with stepdad anymore or something. She was not party to their feud and it had not affected her relationship with either man before then, so she thought to honor both for the roles they had played in her life. Unfortunately she badly gauged the situation and it's apparently caused fallout in her relationship with bio dad since. It's a shame that bio dad didn't decide to patch things up with the daughter who did still love him, but asking her to hate one of the people who played a big role in her life and never did HER any wrong is a bit of a bridge too far here.
@@wordforger it`s not a shame her biological dad didn`t patch things up. she was well aware of the history between those 2 and she completely understood her actions would hurt her biological father. which is why she dropped the news last minute. she didn`t take her father feeling into considerations and wanted him to be a pushover and walk her down the aisle with the man the betray him. she expected her father to get over it with time. here is the thing, no one asks her to hate her stepfather. what was required of her was to make an adult decision, but she wanted to act like a child and have both her father and stepdad walk her down the aisle when she was supposed to choose only her biological father. she betrayed her father and lose him that day.
The nerve of his ex wife and his best friend to show up at his funeral.
I would have told them leave, or I’ll make you leave
@Sufiya H. Hey thats insightful.
@@samsmith4242 The family actually threw them out of the funeral.
it's almost like dancing on his grave
@@florinaschilean6143 it’s exactly that, they know there likely to get hit right? I mean once the service and burial are done fair game on everyone to hit them. Respects have been payed. That, and letting them in would be so disrespectful that they deserved to be beaten black and blue if they didn’t leave
Poor bloke. That cancer treated him better than his daughter, ex wife ever did.
Step dad was a pos, but was always a good step dad to her. Why is she awful for loving both her dad and step dad. Get off your high horse.
@@Sin_Falimus Bc Step Dad was Dads BFF and piped his Wife.
@@Sin_Falimus Because she waited until the ink dried on the funds for her wedding to tell her dad that, in spite of the fact that the guy stabbed her dad in the back, she expected him to share the walk down the isle. She knew what that would mean to him and was acting duplicitously. Then again, she's the daughter of a hoe, so it's not surprising. Like mother like daughter and all that. Hopefully nurture wins out in her favour and she doesn't have another wedding in a few years to be reminded of her dad's absence at.
@@Sin_Falimusno.. he wasn’t a good step dad to her. He didn’t pay for the wedding. Basically he got a free devoted daughter whose actual father continued to pay for everything. Those are all the earmarks of sociopathic behavior on both hers and the stepdad’s parts. She didn’t love her dad. She felt guilt. And she was desperate to make herself feel better not love him. And now that chance is gone. What? She deserves kind words on the back of photos for a relationship she destroyed for money? Grow up.
@@Sin_Falimus stop posting this comment everywhere troll go find a different cave
She had a breakdown because she knew what she did was wrong. She destroyed her relationship with the best man in her life. Horrible!
Step dad was a pos, but was always a good step dad to her. Why is she awful for loving both her dad and step dad. Get off your high horse.
@@Sin_FalimusWaiting a day before her wedding to do that shit is scummy. And she took his money too. She'll die with that regret living on her conscience.
@@Sin_Falimusyou get off your low horse
@@isaiahthomas4444
Watch his or her comments with the other posts. I bet its the step piece of crap or the other one, not to deserve the title mother.
@Sin_Falimus oh you just copy and paste the same line. Did you marry a cheater, or cheat? Seriously dude if I stabbed you in the back and people chose me over you in your relationships. I hope you don't get satly.
He was betrayed by the two women he loved the most in his entire life. I can't believe she did not care at all about what she did to him.
Well, the Apple didn't fall far from the tree.
Shes a woman
@@SZUSEast1 Don't be sexist, good women exist just as much as bad men exist
@@SZUSEast1 women always support each other when it comes to hurt men.
@@SZUSEast1
Oh STFU, you - you - you MAN, you! 😂
*His childhood best friend, basically his brother, and he was the best man at their wedding.* Still can't get over that shit.
And she had an affair at 54...wonder how long that was going on
@@harmankhinda5743 I imagine a few years. I’ll put at least 3 years on the board.
Right!? It sickens me! I can't imagine the lad I've known since 5 to do me like that. I'd be wrecked
@@harmankhinda5743 The timeline seemed confusing, but I think the affair happened way before then, when OP and his sister were like 13.
@@soufside2065 I’d bump that up to at least 10 years bud.
I’ve decided to scratch a few ideas off the board. Let’s bump this up to *on and off for at least 5 years then consistent for 10. That’s 15 years.* maybe I’m reaching but I can’t fucking think straight. This shit is depressing.
Daughter’s betrayal hurts me more than wife’s.
What the wife did pisses me off but the daughter that actually hurt.
Step dad was a pos, but was always a good step dad to her. Why is she awful for loving both her dad and step dad. Get off your high horse.
John did take his wife and his belowed child from him and He and the wh*re who is the Chads wife maked his belowed child to change his dream job to lawyer which is they are instead of Dads job which is She is wanted
and you expected her Dad to walk with her belowed child with a Mf who is betrayed her and f--ked up his family?
Dad is absolutely Giga Chad
Sarah - the wife and John can go to hell
I dont care If she is mentally break down she is really really really really deserved it
@@Sin_Falimus that step dad stole her mom from her dad and betrayed his friendship. she is not awful for loving him but for giving him equal status with her dad
@@Sin_Falimus
You keep repeating yourself over and over. You are the stepdead of crappy mother aren't you😁
I'm convinced Sarah knew about the affair, preferred her mom's boyfriend and treated her father like a passive ATM. Dad was right to throw her away, we don't need OP to tell us all the details to figure out what's going on here. It's very possible that John could be Sarahs real father for all we know
She threw him away so why not
Well John is her dad now.
This, honestly I want that Sara had a afraid, only to her husband tell her "well, now I know why you father hated you until his dead."
OP is Sarah’s twin, so unless there’s some really funky shenanigans going on, methinks John is not the father. Like fairly certain it would be easy to compare OP to his 4 brothers and say, hmmmmmst one of these boys doesn’t look right. I don’t discount that she might have known about the affair though. She probably just enjoyed getting spoiled by her father and new stepfather both, and didn’t understand how she was hurting her dad as a result of being a spoiled brat.
her father was just an ATM for her,he gave and she took,she is a POS.
Your mom took ten years off his life and your sister took ten more.
Pox on both of their houses.
Gentleman save yourself go MIG-TOE!
@@Lord_darkside74 Or just don't be blue-pilled.
Mother like daughter I guess.
@@stevenwilson5556 you perfectly captured my feelings towards them.
1st story - The mother, step dad, and sister are awful, but what do you expect from a family of lawyers.
@Boris Posavec Willing to bet the guy the daughter married is also a bottom dwelling attorney! That makes four.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
What did she do wrong?
@@ambushbob5383 Let me guess. You do not have daughters?
@@bepolite6961 thats not an answer
I found out I was pregnant shortly after my dad died. My twin girls were born 10 mons after his death. One day when the babies were sitting in baby seats on the table, I was crying, feeling much like the OP. My 8 yr old nephew said "Grandpa didn't miss them! He sent them! It changed everything!
❤❤
Dude, I'm crying. What a beautiful message.
She knew the one thing her dad wanted, to walk his only daughter down the isle. And she expected him to share that with the man that destroyed his marriage and betrayed him the most. OF COURSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO SEE HER! I wouldn't want to either. That's the kind of hurt you don't ever get over
Women! F'n idiots. ;-)
She deserves the mental anguish and much more
The father gave so much and instead of getting the one thing he wanted,she stabbed him in the back. He paid for the wedding and just wanted to walk her down the aisle. She gave it to a guy who stole his wife and destroyed his family. You know heartbreaking that is too hear!? Honestly I don't think he should have left her a dime! He was her father and betrayed him. I hope this haunts op's sister until her last breath.
Right!? The ONE thing he wanted too
You forgot that was his best friend from childhood, almost a brother Who destrroy his family.
Given her mental state that can be very soon I'm curious if the mother and John will write some awful obituary and blame the sons and father for her suicide and of course making it all about them and that all of this could have been avoided if they were allowed at the funeral of the father bet
Same here
@@emilyrose9854 The sister treating her dad like that at her wedding is all on her. I do think the mom and John probably had a hand in it, especially since the sister lived with them and probably believed whatever they told her.
Every time Sarah looks at her wedding photos she's going to be reminded of what she did to her dad.
She made her bed, she should live in it now. But the gall of his ex to show up like that. Id have bitch slapped her right across the room and then cracked open the head of her new husband.
Wow 😲😳 Wow! ;-)
Nice
Eventually her kids will ask her aunt or her what happened to grandpa and why did he hate grandma so much.
@@senatorarmstrong4662that bitc* will probably say that fu*cking john is her grandpa 100% I think she doesn’t even really care about her dad if she did she would have never done that to him she feels bad for what other will think about her
In her way she thought she would singlehandedly end a family feud at her wedding in public. In her way, she did.
Step dad was a pos, but was always a good step dad to her. Why is she awful for loving both her dad and step dad. Get off your high horse.
@@Sin_Falimus Are you the stepdad? Why ya keep commenting on everyone else’s comments lmaoo
@@Sin_Falimus Dude may have been a "good stepdad" to her, but he was still a homewrecker and a terrible friend. And Sarah chose the homewrecker over her late father on the day that mattered the most to him, especially after the dad paid for all of it. She made her bed, now she can lie in it and cry like how her late father did for after the divorce and having his life turned upside down. No sympathy for Sarah, but she's in therapy to learn how to cope.
@@ezroncruz9506 because telling one person isn't enough to make a difference. People need to stop poking out their chests and be more understanding of one another
@@paggles4495 she didn't choose either of them, she couldn't decide so he de ided for her. She was too young to hate a man raising her because her dad does and it was her most important day more so than his. Not saying the dad is the bad guy, I believe they're both right. Just think it was all unfortunate and mom was to blame for everything. The daughter was put in a situation due to her mom, but did nothing wrong herself
As a father to twin daughters, I can't imagine either one of them doing something like this to me when they're older. Both John and the mother are massive POS, and probably narcissists.
What a way for Sarah to learn that actions have consequences.
They don't learn anything. She'll mess up again. They always do. ;-)
Step dad was a pos, but was always a good step dad to her. Why is she awful for loving both her dad and step dad. Get off your high horse.
@@Sin_Falimus
Booooooo!
@@Sin_Falimus 🤡
@@Sin_Falimus step dad was a POS and they got along coz the daughter was a POS wh*re like the mother too and the dad doesnt need a daughter like that in his life
Your Dad has already taught you what you need to be a great parent. Just trust that!
Yeah op just has to trust in the lessons his father taught him
YES!!! That was my thought. He has the teachings now he needs to use that knowledge.
Many parents, the good ones teach by example. I lost my father when I was 15, so therefore he never got to meet any of his grandchildren. When I was a kid, he used to joke, "don't bring your kids around me." I knew he was joking because of his tone and expression. Used the same tone when he was taking the mickey out of Mum. I know none of you will believe me, but I NEVER saw my parents argue. Tease each other, yes, but never argue. They'd been married for 21 years at the time of his death. He had a mellow personality, and he never spanked me or my three siblings. However, his lectures stung more than any whack on the arse. $ well adjusted, productive adults that have never been in trouble in their lives
@@Mechknight73 I'm sorry for your loss and I'm happy you had such a good childhood and good parents! There are far too many children who never get to experience that.
You're very right. I think the OP is just scared because he had his father to not only support him but guide him, too, with his first two kids. Ince the baby comes, though, his past experiences and his father's lessons will just kick in like second nature. His father will always be with him in spirit and who knows, maybe he'll come to see that same spirit in his kids as they grow. Like I said, once the little squishy arrives, everything thing will come back to him. He'll still worry about being a good parent, but not anymore than good parents naturally do and not because his father isn't there to guide him.
No one should be forced to interact with a child that was forced upon them by rape, man or woman. That's insanely cruel.
yes and no. what did the girls mother tell the girl. i honestly don't think the mother said to the daughter i raped your father. the girl saw the father paying child support i would figure she assumed her dad loved her since he was paying alot of it has to do with what the mother told the daughter
No child should be hurt because they were conceived in rape (emotionally or otherwise). The child is innocent and a victim as well.
@@1x4 a child’s victimhood doesn’t negate the father’s. Both are victims in different ways, one isn’t obligated to the other in any form. If OP was the one reaching out against the daughters wishes then he should respect her boundaries as well.
@@queencatherineofaragon938 The child is always a priority over the parents, helping her is more important than the guy's trauma.
@@VeritasEspiritoria This is a very stupid comment.
The second story just confirms the saying: “family isn’t made of blood, it’s made of love and trust.”
Story #1
I hope she never gets over it, and feel every bit of sadness his dad felt after her betrayal.
Step dad was a pos, but was always a good step dad to her. Why is she awful for loving both her dad and step dad. Get off your high horse.
@@Sin_Falimuswhy are you defending the step dad? I am guessing you and him are alike.
@@Sin_FalimusYou spamming this everywhere just makes you look stupid. Stepdad was a narcissist and a pos, full stop. She betrayed her father in the worst way possible, at the last minute possible. This after years of betrayal by siding with the pos mom, then accepting a blank check for a wedding she fully intended to screw him over at. She is also a pos, full stop. No high horses here, just reality.
@@RandomTrinidadianprobably a cheater, they defend each other.
@@Sin_Falimus
Nobody said he was a bad step dad. Get down your pony, even if it's just a few centimeters.
She gave the man, who f*cked her mom behind her dad's back, the same honor as her real dad. He payed for everything on her wedding day and always told her that his biggest dream was the honor to walk her down the aisle.
Now he should share this honor with the man who broke his family and f*cked his wife...
You seem like a person who would do that and wouldn't even recognize the laughter of all other people around you for being this dumb...
"Taking it out on an innocent child who didn't ask for any of this." As though OP wasn't an innocent person who didn't ask for any of this?
I can understand never wanting to meet with her, but he could at least explain himself, the situation that lead to her, the pain the mother caused and why he doesn't want to meet or have further contact, that'd probably give them both closure
Inadequis So you want a rape victim, to meet a product of that experience [who he has said is a reminder of what happened], relive the time he was raped, to a child who’s probably excited to meet him?
Yeah, that’s not any better AT ALL. Like one of the commenters said, maybe have his mom explain what happened or why he doesn’t wanna see him, but he’s absolutely allowed to never see her, not even to explain [like at MOST I’d suggest he write a letter explaining what happened & why he wants 0 contact, but only cause regarding this situation, his mom doesn’t seem to be listening well. But even then I don’t think he should have to...]
@@eternalscreaming3646 never said meet did I? He could have had her write a list of questions, him answer, and never communicate again.
Geez, literally no one said anything about him not being innocent. NEITHER of them asked for any of this and BOTH are innocent. However two wrongs doesn’t make one right. Now one is an adult and the other is the child. I’m not saying that he should have a relationship with her, but he needs to heal and come to terms with the fact that he HAS a child no matter if he wants it or not. It’s like he’s in denial and wants to just ignore her existence. The parents sucks though for not respecting his boundaries at all.
@@LinneAzalea Would you be saying the same thing if OP was a girl who had gotten raped, made to give birth, and then chose to give the baby up for adoption and now people in her life are pressuring her to have a relationship with the child?
I think a lot of people are missing the part where OP is a literal RAPE VICTIM but don't seem to care because he's got penis or something.
If I was Sarah's sibling, I would have walked out of the wedding and never had anything more to do with her.
I’m PETTY! The moment I seen her walking down the aisle with anyone other than my father, I would have walked down that same aisle towards the EXIT while she’s coming down it... ruining the entire wedding and moment. Sarah is a POS for daring to ask her father that. Someone should have pimp slapped her into next year for the audacity to ask!
@@StopPlayingAtLife That would have been a classic move.
@@StopPlayingAtLife awesome idea, I would have brought some people with me to walk out of there together and make a scene.
@@StopPlayingAtLife if it were me, i would turn my backs on them, and then after i’m getting bored, i will walk out of the wedding while pointing middle finger at them, and then cut contact
Twin logic doesn’t apply to normal siblings. The relationship is normally deep and complex
That man's heart and soul was crushed. What a sorry excuse for a daughter and a human. She is free to do as she pleases but being unable to accept the consequences? She deserves her negative consequences.
The kicker is she brought it up after she spent his money.
@@noahknight4039and she knew it was wrong cause she waited till the last minute to tell him he was sharing his dream with the guy that betrayed him.
I can’t blame the dad, he was betrayed by the two women that was precious to him. And the fact that the daughter chose the fair partner instead of the Dad is really telling and shows where her loyalties lie. The sister is selfish, and wants the dad to be buddy buddy with the people who betrayed them, that’s crazy.
TBF, a daughter chose her mum. Is that so hard to understand?
@@KiltBill2 Yes, as they are both parents, but the mom purposely destroyed the trust and love in the family. I wouldn't trust being friends with someone who thinks like you
@@ShinyShillalike in what world is asking your dad hey can you walk me down the aisle with the guy that slept with your wife behind your back and married your wife while you were suffering and basically tore your family apart? “ a good idea? That's just next level stupid.
@@ShinyShillaagreed even if relationship is on purely rational terms that commenter is the wost bet to have any kind of relationship with her or him
@@KiltBill2🤡
Twin sister was a real AH. Consequences can hurt, but sometimes they are deserved.
The mother groomed Sarah, lied and manipulated her to go and live with them.They should find out why Sarah chose her mom, now the mother should be held accountable for Sarah's breakdown.
@@vashtibalkaran8076 She's a lawyer. They have no souls.
@@vashtibalkaran8076 I'm not saying the Mother didn't do what you said, but Sarah also has to take responsibility for her own decisions, particularly those she made as an adult.
She made her choice. The decision to not have him walk her down the aisle was devastating and can never be fixed, even if there was a second marriage.
There’s no going back. She must live with her decision that hurt her dad through to his soul. He probably hurt every day of his life because of that.
@@ec1628 Yeah, totally sucks for that man. As if it wasn't bad enough that his wife had an affair with his best friend...gut wrenching betrayal, and his daughter appears oblivious to that. Here, let rip open that wound and empty a bag of salt into it.
So its alright to enforce a male rape victim to see a child he didn't want, nor want a relationship with, but it's alright for a female rape to not see a child she didn't want?
Some double-standard bs this is!
@@dannyholland7209 he's not forcing them to give up the relationship, he wants nothing to do with her and wants his mother to respect. The thought of her being so close is discomforting to him but it seems like he can deal with his parents having that relationship so long as he has no interaction with the girl. Your attitude towards a rape victim is very troubling and sad.
@@RylieRiddle And the thought of a kid having no family or means to support herself is fine with him. Save the pity party Bullshit. He's a grown ass man that literally tried to emotionally blackmail his parents into disinviting their sole grandkid from a holiday dinner.. He's spineless and petty tbh. No one asked him to play daddy. I put the needs of a child over the needs of a grown ass 37 year old man.
A 17 year olds physical wellbeing > A grown mans "Discomfort"
Morally this isnt exactly a tough choice tbh.
@@dannyholland7209 her parents, or her mother in the least, is the one to get angry at. She clearly didn't make sure her child was taken care of in the event of her death.
@@RylieRiddle Oh im not mad at anyone, i just think the man lacks common decency.
I think its well established the girls mother wasn't a good person. Its just a shame that her Biological father doesn't seem to be either.. If you can't get past your own feelings enough to help a kid in need, regardless if its your kid or not. You wont find much sympathy from me tbqh. I see her as a bigger victim than the father.. She was Victimized from both sides it appears.
What double standard? Stop arguing with imaginary people. No one holds such contradictory positions. If they do ask them why? Dont ask a meaningless question into the void and act morally righteous.
Story #2:
If the girl is old enough, write her a letter and explain gently to her the situation of her conception, and birth, and explain how it mades you feel, and continues to make you feel. Let her know you don't blame her, or in any way hold her responsible, but you cannot have a constant reminder of trauma in your life. Re-enforce your need to not have her in your life because of the pain it causes you, don't oppose your parents having a relationship with her, BUT be strict about your boundries with your parents. I think once the girl understands what happened to you, she will understand and respect your wishes.
He did just that, and she wrote a reply as well. what he said in his update before the account was deleted -
So much went on since my last post.
I spoke to my parents. I basically laid out exactly why I didn't want contact with her. I explained it's not a personal thing, but rather she is to me the living embodiment of my rapist and that if I were to have contact I feel it would make me re-live it all over again. I reassured them they can have contact with her and I won't stop it but to stop trying to force me.
They obviously agree with me, and said they'll respect my wishes. With regards to Christmas, as it stands she'll go for Christmas day and I won't and I'll go for boxing day. My parents are upset because it means I'll be completely on my own Christmas day.
I also wrote her a letter and gave it to them. I wasn't mean or anything to her but I explained exactly why I didn't want contact and how being in touch with her would make me feel and that until I get better, I didn't want contact and asked her to respect that.
My folks gave it to her and she read it while she was at their house. My mum told me she broke down crying and was really upset - obviously had no idea what happened. She asked them if they'd let her have some paper and write me a letter back and she did - they gave it to me. Initially I went mad that they did give it to me because I felt like they didn't respect what I'd said but they begged me to read it so I did.
And god I'm now confused. The letter was sweet for want of a better word. She admitted in it that she had no idea and apologised to me. And that hurt that she felt like she had to apologise. She also said she'd respect my wishes but gave her contact details and said if I ever wanted to to speak to her, she'd be there for me. She also slipped a little passport photo of her in it - which is the first time I've ever seen her and what she looks like.
It's weird because before this, she was just a thing. I could ignore her. But reading that she became real. She has a little girls handwriting. I felt like I could feel her pain in the letter. And seeing her photo - she's a kid. Doesn't look like me, but really looks like my dad but with her mum's hair and eye colour. But she does look sad in it.
I didn't say anything to my parents about it. But I'm now really fucking confused. I know I shouldn't have contact with her, and still don't want it for all the reasons I've said before. It's not good for me and also I don't think for her. But I realise I don't hate her or am angry at her at all. I don't want her to feel guilty about her horrible mother. And now I see she's a person - god it's fucked up. I don't know what's going to happen.
EDIT so I just sent my mum a message asking her to say to her that I read her letter and that I don't want her to feel that she has to apologise because she's done nothing wrong. She's replied back saying she will. I think she deserves to know that at least.
Tldr: spoke to my parents, laid out my boundaries and wrote her a letter. She wrote me one back and now I'm confused.
@@Sound_Spark Thank you for providing me with the updates.
For now, a bitter-sweet ending.
One can hope that after therapy, he can actually survive his rape, and eventually have enough inner peace that he can eventually connect with his daughter.
This would go far to un-do the damage that woman did.
Rape is the ultimate in selfish acts, it destroys lives, and in this case, the woman who committed this vile act has harmed two innocents with one act.
If she felt John was so important why didn't she ask him to pay for half the wedding or all of it; they had two lawyer incomes in their house. She essentially did the same thing to him that her mother did
The dad is a saint. He still gave inheritances to sarah and her kids.
@Drew Taylor he gave her what she acted like she valued: money
She could have contested the will.
@@renoloverxoxo that's probably what the dad was thinking. He's still a saint to help the children who loved him have no headaches in dealing with her.
Better than me… I wouldn’t have left them anything
@@TheMainMan364 same goes for me....if she did that to me
I really feel for op's father he got betrayed by his wife, friend, and only daughter and she did it multiple times.
Horrible stuff...
A man can forgive only so many Back stabs.😔
Multiple backstabs too many
@@DM-su8fl Seriously question, Are you a meth addict?? Maybe heroin?? Bathsalts?? Which one?? Because that comment isn't from a normally functional human being....🤨
Need a gofundme for therapy??
@@DM-su8fl first she didn't ask her stepfather she asked the man who betrayed his trust and split his family. some friendships end for being with an ex let alone chosing them over and over. but he supported her when she wanted to change careers (which was one thing), he still loved her when she chose to live with his wife who cheated on him and left him and his ex bestfriend. But he is a baby for being angry that the moment he always dreamed to share with his only daughter is taken by the same guy who betrayed him, and by that she disowned her father otherwise she wouldn't feel guilty. Get some empathy otherwise you're just a psychopath
It is sad that Sarah had many opportunities to make it right with her Dad. She could have asked her father how he felt about sharing the honor walking her down the isle and not blind side him the day before the wedding. She could have chose to acknowledge John at rehearsal dinner instead of forcing Dad to share the honor with his former best friend who betrayed him. Lastly she could have tore up the check to at least do the right thing.
She made a lot of bad choices and those choices have consequences.
It takes a special kind of stupid to think the guys who was cheated on would be okay with walking his daughter down the aisle with the man that destroyed his family.
She played the stupid game and the grand prize was being disowned by half her family and knowing that it is all her fault.
no even having the audacity of asking that question would and should get her cut off. it was nice enough for the dad to not tell her that if john is coming he wont.
I visited my mother in the hospital three days before she died to stage four liver failure. I couldn’t stop crying seeing her in the hospital bed. She tells me to live life, go to school, find a great job and know that she always loves me. It still hurts not having her around and I still miss her.
What a disgusting mother and daughter duo. Daughter for spending all the money and then telling him a DAY before that he wont be the one to walk her down the aisle. Mother for not just cheating but also letting her daughter do that to him
The OP needs to realize it’s not his responsibility to relieve his drama queen sister of her guilt. She will have to live with her poor decisions for the rest of her life. She needs to put her drama aside and learn to cope with the fallout from those decisions like an adult.
I don’t understand why you people blame the daughter for the mum’s choice to cheat! How the heck is she responsible for that?
And you might say to someone ‘your mum is a cheat you should hate her because she’s a bad person’, but to THAT person, it’s the only mother they have. They are not going to feel hatred just because other people think they SHOULD.
The father was a total child for disowning his own daughter because she loved her step father, too. There’s no law that says a woman can’t have her father and step father walk her down the aisle. She didn’t do anything wrong, and the father was a ridiculous over reacting child.
The OP is the twin sister, and she needs to get over herself as well. Again, she can’t force her own sister to hate their mother for the affair, and she’s allowed to have different feelings.
Mum may be a cheat, but if you ask me she and her daughter should be the ones to cut out the rest of these god awful people. They are awful for such an extreme over reaction to a wedding choice from years ago!
I can’t imagine hating my own sibling because our parents divorced and he doesn’t ‘hate’ the parent who caused it.
I also can’t imagine hating either of my parents because of relationship problems between them, which aren’t my business anyways.
@@dmf1301 People dont hate the daughter for her mom's garden tool behaviour. Even the father didnt say anything when she chose the cheater over him. People hate her because she used her father's money and then told her that she wanted some other man to walk her down, the day before the wedding.
Every man ,who has a daughter, dreams to walk her down the aisle. By letting the guy who ruined her father's family walk her down, she made the decision that some other man was more like a father to her. Where I live what she did would be considered as her making a statement saying that her father is dead. You would never understand how it feels and your post just proves your lack of empathy for fathers.
@@sosamma090 uh no, mostly white folks care about the wedding thing my parents don't give a crap about that pointless tradition that just waste money
Also the father isn't blameless he basically proved to Sarah that his love wasn't unconditionally he basically just proved to her that spoiling her was probably just a way for him to win her affection and what if he never loved her that would screw up anyone knowing someone they loved could so easily throw them away, Sarah herself didn't sound like she turned on her father didn't hate him or had been brainwashed like other people do when parents cheat
Honestly everyone sucks here
@@velvetdarksoul8741 Fathers who love their daughters spoil them to a certain extent. To misconstrue it as a way for them to gain affection is disgusting way of looking at it.
"...that would screw up anyone knowing someone they loved could so easily throw them away."
Oh, the irony!
She waited a day before the wedding so that he couldn’t take back the blank check. She is a huge user especially with how she made it like she was forced to change her dream from surgeon to lawyer...
You're right. There is no way that is a coincidence. The fact that Sarah could put John on the same level as her father just goes to show how selfish she is. Add insult to injury, she knew John was once her father's friend. You don't just get over that kind of betrayal of trust.
According to the reddit comments from the twin brother. Their mom prompted this idea to her so she knew what she was doing.
Damn, I hadn't thought about that, had she told him earlier, her dad would've immediately pulled out from the wedding and stop financing it. That actually makes her look even worst.
I know this is a year's old thread, but this comment must be at the top spot. Mainly to remind those cookos defending Sarah that she is completely guilty for her actions... She was a woman way over 20 not a dumb teen doing common dumb things...
@@IAMGOD200 Who's to say Mom hasn't been doing this since DAY 1 of the divorce! She was likely the only one who mom trusted to "take her bribes" to stick with her over dad! (Meaning OP and her siblings were RISKY in her mind, risky in that the judge might find out she was trying to "bribe" them to pick her! I remember when my aunt did this with eight year old me when she started a custody battle with my mother, she lost because my desire to be with my mother outweighed any of her bribes! Helps when she watched me for my mother for four years, which was a trick to do this by the way, my mother kept contact and sent me gifts when she could! I never forgot who my mother was, or that she loved me, even when she stooped to lying about many of the gifts and times she called or I wanted to call her! I was FURIOUS with her at 25 once I discovered the truth, even after that I loved and trusted her still! My mother chose to hide the truth from me because she DIDN'T want me hating my aunt, but that and the death of my grandmother, who she mistreated even after the fact she was her GOLDEN CHILD and even tried to help her with that custody attempt! I loved my grandma, flaws and all, so to see her mistreat and STEAL from her when she caught dementia really destroyed my pedestal of her) and then likely not having the ability to have any kids with John, groomed her to be "their child" instead! What a POS, her and John were build for each other! And I'd feel bad for Sarah, but she reached an age where she SHOULD have noted something fishy, or realized what a bitch she was being, but as OP said, she counted TOO heavily on Daddy "loving and spoiling her no matter what" and she finally broke the camel's back with the wedding! She likely assumed he'd "Get over it" while enjoying the wedding (on his dime) and was devastated to find "yeah nope, this time she done fucked up for the LAST TIME!"
Your father left you with all the example of how to be a great father, you will be great. Congratulations on the new baby. Your sister brought this on herself.
Am I the only one angry at the parents in the second story who basically said they can more about having a grandchild than respecting their son's trauma? Their kid was literally raped and NO ONE BELIEVED HIM. I respect that the girl is still a child and the grandparents have every right to help, but forcing OP to have a relationship with a literal reminder of an incredibly traumatic experience in his life is just wrong.
Trading him in for a younger model. Gross, really.
He's a class act, though for not wanting them disrespected in the comments, even when they're clearly wrong.
That story had me conflicted because my dad kind of did the same thing to me, he had no interest in knowing me. If I was in this situation I would help the girl because it’s not like the woman who victimized him is still around and the girl is his daughter biologically Nevertheless I get where he’s coming from because there are family members I want nothing to do with and my immediate family forces me to deal with them.
Just because he doesn't want to have anything to do with her, which is selfish. Doesn't mean she isn't an their granddaughter, and an innocent victim in this. And before you try tit for tat. Yes, I have been SA'd by a woman before. If a child came from that situation I'd never blame them for it.
I feel no sympathy for Sarah. Like she chose the dads homewrecker over him after everything hes done for her. I hope she suffers more.
Right? Sarah sounds like she's either extraordinarily callous, or really, and I mean *really* stupid. How did she let John into her life when he's part of why the divorce happened in the first place?
OP dad is a complete savage for not leaving Sarah a letter lmaooo like yes, suffer. she deserved it
@@princesspanda12012 he hated her so much and felt so much betrayal, that he refused to make amends and acknowledge her while dying..., she deserves all of it the photos and memories she could've had with him in those special photos will never happen now lol
@@skydonkey9515 Disappointing daddy like that can't be gotten over so easily. Taking his money before fk'n him over was the last straw. ;-)
@@jamiesatyr1309 she fucked around and found out lmao
Might be wrong but the twin sister shouldn't have been invited to the funeral
I agree the dad obviously didn't want her around at all...
My grandpa always said if we can't see each other in life don't come see me in death at that point ur just making sure I'm dead
@@josemadera3138 Well said.
I don't even mind that much that she showed up. She might not have been invited but knew about it and showed up anyway. But for the mom and the homewrecker to show up....
Lets just say I'm glad it wasn't my family... My mothers dad and uncles are there for each other in a way I never seen any other family be, and half of them are war veterans. I knew of stories where all of them got together with wood bats and metal poles and chased a group of dudes on foot through the train tracks till the next town over because one of them messed with one of my nieces that was 15 at the time...
If this happened to one of them, and the homewrecker would show up at the funeral...? Shit... They would need a second casket pretty darn quick
It's likely different with VIPs, wealthy people, celebrities, etc, but in my experience, people aren't "invited" to funerals.
She deserves every bit of agony she'll experience in the future. I also expect her to lash out on John and mommy because people like her never take responsibility for their actions.
RIP to the amazing father ❤ he deserved better from the only daughter he had. He was lucky to have good supportive sons.
The punishment dad gave to his former daughter was quite heart warming for what she did to him.
OPs Dad provided an important lesson to his daughter. He showed her the price of loyalty. Of course, she grew up to be a lawyer so she doesnt have an ethical framework to understand the lesson. Thats okay, after what she did to him she deserves all the pain life can give her.
We all expect or pray for an update where OP inform us that Sarah's husband cheated on her (now that she is having mental breakdowns) and with on of her best friends. To add salt to the wound that one of her kids decided to stay with the cheating father. Man, no one deserves this to happen to them, but this Sarah girl is just starting to pay for her sins...
@@reygonzalez8706 "bUT hE WaS NicE tO Me"
The fact Sarah's a lawyer but doesn't have the character intelligence makes me question how she got that career. Like, your mom cheated and you chose the guy who ruined your family and backstabbed your dad? Lady needs to learn some empathy.
@@calico_queen8976 "How she got that career", it is explained in the video. Her 304 mother and the AP were lawyers, they used their influence to convince her to study laws and got her the job she has. With those people as your guide, it's no wonder she has no morals or conscience.
I don't think they check on a person's morality for law school. If they did we might a have few less lawyers. Lol.
Sarah really didn't understand what a big blow asking her father to share his dream with the man he considered a friend/brother at one point who decided to sleep with and steal his wife? She wants her cake and some fucking cookies too, what is this? Consequences?!?!? She used her father like a piggy bank while living with the 2 snakes who broke the family. Everything that she felt is well deserved and only now is coming to terms with the gravity of the situation. Her children will never know how great of a man her father was because she stabbed him in the back. The pain she must have been dealing with is only a fraction of what he is going went through. the dad sounded like an amazing person who was selfless and definitely knew how to raise good people. Sarah belongs with the ex-wife and John, a bunch of people who think they can do whatever they want without any negative repercussions despicable.
After all of this her father STILL gave her inheritance. Most fathers wouldn't have done after all of this back stabbing. He was rare breed
@@ps9501 The inheritance is poetic justice! Because I'd have wanted that personal letter and photo album more than anything. Money can't buy memories!
@@lizzy9975 That's actually a good point. While the daughter still got some land as inheritance, the other children got that and personal letters/photos that they and their children will get to cherish. The daughter got land and that's it. Her last conversation with her dad will be the argument and slap in the face she gave to her real father just before her wedding.
@@kgjung2310
She got a photo album also, just with no handwritten notes.
@@R_W_Goodson and that's what is probably killing her. Her siblings got final words of love and affection. She got photos and no words at all. She still got land, but more as offspring rather than a real daughter. Now, there are no more chances for reconciliation.
The parents trying to connect their son with the product of probably the worst moment in his life is pretty messed up
Regardless of what the son thinks, that child is his daughter and also his parents' granddaughter. He's free to disown her, but his parents are also free to embrace her.
The first post had me sobbing, I don't even know if I have the emotional strength to keep listening to the second one. It just absolutely wrecks me knowing the dad lost his two favourite girls to his once best friend. That kind of betrayal (from ALL THREE OF THEM) is just so heartbreaking. The fact the dad actually a great father as well, he seems like such a kind and thoughtful person who is full of love. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The short answer is usually because good people don't retaliate hard enough.
I've seen it from small and petty to large unforgivable betrayals.
Good and gentle people sometimes need someone willing to break bones for them to defend them.
Someone who doesn't try to reason, talk it out, or preserve the peace with those who hurt innocent good people.
Sometimes a "good" friend or family member needs to be vindictive and ruthless so those who you love can stay innocent and gentle.
A person can only take so much. She took advantage of her Dad and didn’t give him the respect he deserved.
In the story it sounded like Sarah progressively switched her dad out for John more and more acting like John is her new dad. First she lived with mom and John, then she switched careers because John changed her mind, then John gets to walk her down her aisle like he is her father now... Poor dad was replaced by an impostor that is fucked up. If she didn't understand how that was heartbreaking for her dad to be replaced like that then she is very self centered and never gave a shit about her dads feelings. So it makes sense why dad didn't giver her the same goodbye gifts at the end, because all of those photos, all of those memories, all of that was erased when Sarah made it clear John was her new dad and real dad is old news. Poor dad was thrown away like a dirty towel.
@@zebnemma
Totally agree, I don’t know why the daughter is surprised there are consequences for her betrayal. Her Mother and John are extremely manipulative.
@@zebnemma The daughter and probably the mother is a textbook narcissist.
@@zebnemma yes, let's see if her new dad has the same capacity to love. she made her choices a long time ago. she doesn't get a do-over because for the first time, she shares a tiny bit of his pain.
Story #1
Sarah chose the homewrecker over her own father, and she reaped what she sewed.
Story #2
OP deserves to have some peace and healing after what happened, and if contact with the child will hurt his mental strain then OP shouldn't be forced to contact her. Normally I'd say it'd be fine for OP's parents to keep in touch provided it ends there, but it sounds like OP's parents refuse to respect his boundaries. They just want OP to swallow his grief, put on a forced smile, and play house for them - that can't work.
...
I think the lesson to be learned from both stories is that neither love nor forgiveness can be forced - they both must come naturally if they are to come at all.
Personally, I'm the type of person that could forgive most things in my Family; You can kill a Person for all I care, I'd even help you hide the body! But turn your back to the Family you better keep walking that path because the door is closed behind you.
Sarah is quite lucky in the end because she's not completely alienated from the 'Fathers side'.
No, actually she chose to have her stepdad walk her down the Isle ALONG with her dad.
@@Vasilia4 yes the Person her father despises for what he had done
S2: the kids deserves meeting her dad at least once, he has to confront reality and show his fckng face. If he doesnt he will jsut keep running away for the rest of his life and never get over it, while also leaving a huge scar and a weak mind in the girl.
@@dominikpauler2616 Irrelevant. She didn't choose anyone over her dad
I could only imagine that memory of her wedding are tainted...
Don't think it will be plesent to think about happy moments without crossing that.
RIP the father
His dad had a terrible life with a glimpse of happiness may his soul rest in peace
The fact that OP in the first story is so worried about being a good father like his dad shows that he really cares and will probably make a great dad
I hate to say this but I think that man might have developed that cancer from the utter hell he went through
I mean i dunno if he got the cancer specifically from it, but I will definitely agree that it made the cancer worse and/or made the treatment less effective. I do agree that stress levels can be a negative amplifier and being positive or calm has a positive multiplier.
I was just thinking that, I think there were multiple studies about this...
2nd story: Don't meet her for her sake. From what he said he would definitely take out his anger on her or just have a negative impact on her. It is best she doesn't meet her father/OP and find out he hates her very existence.
And he have every right to hate reminder of his trauma
Tbh I can't help but feel that Sarah in the 1st story is getting exactly what she deserves. Nowhere in the OPs story is it mentioned that she ever apologized or felt any real regret for what she has done. Just felt sad and remorse that she wasn't her "daddy's girl" anymore. Maybe she is truly sorry but has a hard time admiting it. Who know. Idc because frankly, she made her choice and choices have consequences. Now her grand prize is living to the end of her days with the fact that her dad died (maybe not necessarily hating her but) not even considering her family enough to allow any sort of closure or last talk before leaving this world.
Kid, it's clearly stated that she tried to reach out to make amends, but the dad would have none of it.
@@victordonavon292 Her dad never had unconditional love towards her. It was still conditional.
@@Truffles563 Tell me exactly where does what you state bears any relevance to the discussion, regardless whether or not there is any veracity to the statement.
@@victordonavon292 If you can discard a child from your life, deny them your love and never speak to them again, then it's always been conditional love. Being loyal is already a condition. You don't love them anymore when you disown them. Same as blocking an ex partner from your life, you don't love them anymore either. The opposite of love isn't hate but indifference. Disowning a child is showing them indifference.
@@Truffles563 Kid, that doesn't answer the question. It seems clear your reading comprehension is deficient. No where in this thread was the talk about love being conditional or unconditional. All that I mentioned was clearly that the original poster made a false claim about the daughter not attempting to say sorry, when the OP clearly stated that the daughter tried over the years to make amends though the father, having been pushed quite over the edge, would not hear of any attempts of amends. If that is over your head, I will prescribe a remedial elementary school until you can get your reading comprehension skills, up to spec.
That last story is pretty awful. Especially since if OP had been a woman, there would never even have been a child to worry about. The whole situation is sickening tbh.
Female Privilege.
1. Only she gets to decide about keeping babies
2. Automatically belived. Had it been reversed, 34 year old man and 19 year old girl, it would have been a slam dunk case.
3. He is forced to pay child support against his will as a rape victim, Try seeing that happening to a woman.
Gender Privilege is very real, but it is always benefitting women.
Especially that he had to pay his raper for 16 years. Could you imagine someone raped you and afterwards the court decide you have to pay him for the next 16 years. Just horrible.
@@adamryan977 could only happen to men...
@@adamryan977 This has happened before and not so few times at that.
Just search for stories of teachers having sex with students.
If the teacher is a male, sex offender registry and big jail time.
If teacher is female, no registration necessary, very few if any jail time, and if she is pregnant, the student (that lets not forget is most of the times a minor) is still on the hook for child support.
@@nimrath I get that in these situations the women are believed more than the man because toxix masulinity says man can´t get raped (bullshit) but there are many, MANY cases of woman not being believed to be raped and the only reason they usually don´t have to pay child support is because they either take the morning-after pill, abort or raise the baby themselves. But this stuff still happens and the woman can loose their jobs and homes over it when they can´t abort and are stuck with a paraside inside their bodies for 9 months. Many commit suicide.
Still, it sucks that the man had to pay child support and where I live he would be able to disown the child and never have anything to do with it. I think that should be the case everywhere.
A father walking his daughter down the aisle isn’t just some “stupid thing” like I see so many here saying. It’s a father handing over his daughter (the child he saw born and protected with everything in him) to a man who will now commit to loving and protecting her like dad did before him. It’s a HUGE deal. So Sarah asking for her father’s backstabbing BF (who literally STOLE half his family and ruined his ship with his ONLY daughter) to assist in HIS position is a slap in the face. That’s why half the family disowned Sarah. They saw the significance of that walk down the aisle just as many of us here do. Yes, no one is a saint, but how much can 1 person bear 😭
talking about a woman like she is your property isn't make this tradition any better.
The twinsister is an ahole btw, just like her mom and his ex-bestfriend. The whole story is tragic.
@@shersmk90 it's more sentimental than thinking of someone as your property. It's like a father seeing his little girl all grown up
@@Daydream_N but they don't do it with their sons, didn't protect and raised their sons? also it is called 'giving away your daughter to her futur husband. Like she was yours but will be somebody else. The only time people talk that way is if they talk about property...
It's a disgusting mysogynistic "tradition". If it's about caring for your child and "giving" them over to their spouse to take care of them, why is it only done for women? Fucking ridiculous, like the dads acting like their daughter's virginity is their property. Gross.
The last two comments above me. Wtf is wrong with you.....its obvious two angry individuals who don't get it when they don't have a loving family with that much heartfelt relationship with their parents. Fa narcs.
May the daughter in the first story never find happiness and live a life full of torment and regret.
I’m going to hell. But Sarah deserved everything she is going through. She is a piece of shit. I don’t feel sorry for her at all. She made her decision at the moment she took her father for granted and put him at the same level than her mom and stepdad. Karma is bitch.
The twin brother will be a great father, he had the best example he could ever had. Good for you, you are a god son.
I'll join you, lol. I do feel bad for her kids though. They deserved to meet their grandpa, imo.
Sarah gets zero sympathy from me. The fact that the father still left her something shows his amazing character and his death saddens me. If I were the father, Sarah would get not a dime from me. There is no justification for that amount of stupidity and heartlessness.
Honestly I get what people are saying her being manipulated as a kid but how do you hear my dad slept with my bio dads wife and and basically destroyed his life and caused him major depression and think having the two walk you down the isle is a good idea?
@@senatorarmstrong4662Grooming is a hell of a drug, there's been cases where the step-parent grooms the bio-parent into believing what they're doing isn't abuse or they groom them into thinking it's good and encouraging awful behavior towards the kids.
It literally destroys your worldview and your morals.
A lot of people who were groomed as kids victim blame others who are speaking out about their abuser, instead defending the abuser minimizing his actions like they were groomed into thinking.
That's just me saying what Grooming does. I do not feel bad for Sarah, and those two home wreckers.
@@theblackcatgirl7013 ahh i see I also assume those two spent most of that time downplaying what they did. But she had to know what she was asking was messed up cause she waited to after everything was paid for and the day before to tell him.
Money wise she got equal share, witch honestly makes it better.
Even in death he does the right thing and doesn't screw over his kids or grandkids, but even in death he refused to speak to her by not leaving him a letter or notes like to his sons. This was perfect she understood she screwed over permanently a relationship with her dad who was a really good proper man, someone worthy of love and respect and someone who would have shovered her with unconditional love up till her betreyal, she broke her, the dad drove the point home. He didn't needed to screw her financially her anguish and guilt and mental breakdown is punishment enough. She will die with these regrets.
Step dad was a pos, but was always a good step dad to her. Why is she awful for loving both her dad and step dad. Get off your high horse.
It’s actually very selfish of the daughter to try see her father before he dies even though he doesn’t want to. She hurt him in an unimaginable way and for him to see her would just cause more pain before he dies. Besides it in itself is a selfish act because she’s doing it to try to spare her own conscience not to fulfill a dying wish made by her father. I don’t blame him what she did was horrible. Basically saying her moms affair partner was ob equal grounds to her father. SMH
This is what the OP said about why Sarah chose to include John to walk her down the aisle:
Aparently was my mom idea and my sister accepted because John "has done so much for me" which i honestly don't understand my dad paid for her whole education, when we move to another city to go to college my dad spended hours talking to her on the phone every week and he used to travel every fifteen days to see us (a 3 hour flight btw)
I would never want the person responsible for my parents split to have any part of my wedding. It would be like a bad omen to have present people who care so little about the sanctity of marriage.
Sarah Deserves the regrett
Damn Right.
and the guilt...
I hope she lives with that everyday
No she doesn't. She was a child herself when her parents divorced. There are many children out there that become close to their stepparents, and they become part of the family. She chose her mother and I feel that her mother really started turning her against her dad. She didn't deserve his hatred. I know a girl that was walked down the aisle by both her dad and her stepdad. And her Stepmom and mother were able to give speeches, or do whatever else mom's do at the wedding. However, her bio parents didn't cheat on their partners when they were together, and they didn't try to turn her against the other, force her to change her life goals because it would hurt the other. It seems that the mom didn't like the bio dad and thought that she could cause drama. Unfortunately, it came at the cost of a father and daughter relationship, and caused hatred and disappointment between them. I feel awful for the daughter because I feel that the relationship she had with dad was sabotaged by somebody that didn't want her to have her dad in her life. I feel heartbroken for her bio dad. He clearly loved her but he was disappointed and hurt and took it out on his daughter who probably wanted to have a relationship with him, and was confused by how cold he was to her.
I wish that they had more time. I think that both the bio dad and his daughter could have mended their relationship when daughter realized that her mother was responsible for the breakdown. Some women don't want their children to have any kind of relationship with their bio father, and do everything they can to turn the child (even an older child) against him. Probably had daughter's ear and was telling her a warped version of the truth of why they divorced from one another.
@@TiffWaffles I don't think playing the "She was a child" card works here. OP is her twin and he understood what happened. She not only chose to leave her dad, but also her twin brother for a man that broke up her family, and then continued to pick that man over and over again throughout life despite seeing how it hurt her dad. You can't treat someone like shit your entire life and then suddenly act like you care about them ONLY because they're dying
That last one tho. I get OPs parents wanting to have a relationship with the r-kid. But OP doesn't have to. They need to understand that they can't have the big happy family. Either split holidays and remember to keep loving op while taking care of the kid or accept that they're trading their son for a stranger.
The child doesn't have to be a stranger tho...
But I do think his parents should compromise and not force him to see his child if he doesn't want to.
I’m of the opinion that you don’t leave blood in the cold unless they stole from you or are taking advantage of you. OP’s Parents have a right to know family. I understand what he went thru but why should the kid have to suffer? He should at least be man enough to let his parents take her in. And with time maybe he can start to get to know the girl. Or maybe not, he could just completely ignore her existence. but either way the girl doesn’t deserve to be abandoned, thrown away and forgotten about. Which it seems like that’s what OP wants. And I just can’t respect that
r-kid? Wow :D
@@Notimportant253 but there is no way a close-knit family like that can take someone in without letting OP around them. I also love how she has conveniently left the uncomfortable birth conversation to OP. She should tell the kid why OP doesn't want to see her instead of forcing him to have a relationship. Both have trauma. OP has trauma and got taken advantage of for years by his abuser. The girl is nearly an adult, they should support her at the moment and help her get a head-start to her adult life. The real problem here is that this family is all up in each other's case and needs to respect other's choices
@@Notimportant253 did you even listen or just ignored it? He has no problem with them having a relationship with her but he wants nothing to do with her and thats his right.
I wouldn't have left Sarah or her kids a dime!!
I understand that but it would have only created drama for his sons and their families. Sarah ( probably egged on by by her cheating Mom and her POS step dad) would have challenged the will, fought it out in court, created grief for people who DID NOT deserve it. OP wrote that to his late Dad money just wasn't all that important. He would want his legacy to be happy , prosperous children/grand children. Not a pool full of angry piranha tearing at each other.
I did something like this deliberately. My father had 6 younger sister, half of whom betrayed and defrauded him. Something he never learned. I learned after he passed and the legalities of his estates were exposed. Turns out I inherited some land.
I could keep it or distribute it to his surviving sisters. I saw no use for the land for myself so this is what I did. Divided up the property among 5 of the 6. Of the 3 who betrayed him 2 got a share (as did the good sisters) while 1 ( the worst one) got nothing. What ensued was the 3 turning against each other. 1 wanting a share. The others too greedy to give up a scrap for the sake of peace. They were already the sort to betray family for property. They did so again. Now they are not co-conspirators. They are enemies. Rolled a hand grenade into their rotten lives. This is what they deserve for valuing possessions over love... over peace.
Sara will spend the rest of her life wondering if whether or not her dad still loved her on his deathbed. And considering the fact that she got zero sentimental words or gestures from him, she’ll probably be thinking the rest of her days that her father hated her for betraying him until his last breath.
1st one Lawyers living up to their stereotype of being Aholes
I asked an attorney I knew what was the one thing he found the most disappointing about his profession. He told me it was his peers. While he tried to be ethical, he found many of his peers less than ethical.
@@kgjung2310 "less than ethical" … is sort of like saying that going to the dentist for a root canal is "less than comfortable"…
I have lawyer friends. I find most of them to be fine people. Admittedly, they do have what many would describe as being "callous" personalities. I take it as their tendency or ability to remove themselves emotionally from situations they're in. I guess I'm more tolerant of that because I am similar.
That being said, the first story crushed me.
@@asw654 me2
S1: Sarah: Chooses the asshole who broke her father's heart and the man who stabbed him in the back, forces him to share the position with the bastard who ripped his family apart, is shocked when he refuses to be apart of anything that involves her.
"You broke Dad's heart and because of this, he cut you off and chose to protect what remained of his battered heart. That guilt you feel is deserved as you chose a lying cheat and a back stabbing bestie over the one man who treated you better than the moon and stars. You hurt him. Wallow in that guilt and know that you are the root cause of it."
I can't say it any better, she should live in that guilt
Just like the other response to your comment, I too couldn't have said it better!
She doesn't deserve family
She'll be fine because she got the family she chose, not that one that mattered.
@@britc.3536 ugh, wow you people are asholes none of you seem to relaize what this girl was probably thinking she probably thought she could have both her families because she thought her father would always love her
The father isn't blameless hes also at fault yes being cheated on is horrible but has daughter didn't turn against him she still loved him and he threw her away honestly he disgust me just as much as the cheating mother
Every person talking the 17 year old girls side has 0 loyalty. It shows how female on male rape isn’t taken seriously. He was raped. Forced into sex, had his body taken from him and defiled, and a child was conceived and everyone is acting like the dad is wrong for wanting nothing to do with it.
its just a bad situation. and the 17 year old is one of the victims of the rapist. sure, he doesn't need to be in contact with her, but she should be told the truth
I keep coming back to this video, I can’t ever understand why anyone would treat a loving father like this. 😒
Some people might think this is wrong, but if I was his dad Sarah wouldn’t have been welcomed to the funeral and wouldn’t have received anything after I passed(the children might’ve gotten something depending on how I felt that day). How do you betray me like that then have the audacity to try to contact me then to seal the deal and come to my funeral.....disrespectful
The pictures were as slap in the face as he could get though. Shame he isn't here to finally see her remorseful for betraying him and his family.
Absolutely....what a selfish person she is .. how can you not see your father hurting like that.... You need to be be completely self absorbed to be such a horrible daughter.
I agree with you, I wouldn't give a dime. About the kids... Well it's not their sin.
@@gfnidkw5172 That's what happens when you just indulge your children. As the only daughter she was spoilt rotten. We are blind to our childrens imperfections, and frankly her mother should have pulled the new husband into line and straight up said - Sarah's father will be giving her away! End of story!
The groom allowed her to do that. Her family is doomed.
Second OP needs to take his time. Poor man I'm so so sorry. Male victims are always looked past so I'm not shocked to see those comments. Those disgusting people! OP do what you need to heal, you do NOT have to talk to her.
What about her? at least he has people to support him? she has nothing left, she's done nothing wrong why should she suffer?
@@DJNO4444 That’s the thing though in his edit he says it’s fine if THEY want to be apart of HER life just don’t force HIM to be apart of it also. That’s means she wouldn’t be alone and would have a support system just as he does in fact it’d be the same one as he does. So I think the parents are in the wrong for trying to force him to be around her when he’s doesn’t want to/ isn’t reading to but that’s just me 🤷🏾♀️
@@DJNO4444 NO ONE should be forced to have a relationship with the product of R. He should cut contact. innocent or not, she is not OP responsibility
@@princesspanda12012 yeah and this is exactly why people who are conceived in rape are traumatized because they think it’s their fault that one of there parents was raped. It’s people like you that make people who were conceived and raped feel unwelcomed in society
@@DJNO4444 she can't weaponize her origin story to force her way into his life
I think the overwhelming majority here understand that OP is set up to be a wonderful Dad. He hasn’t had any other model than a great one. The model his Dad provided is a permanent inbuilt guidebook. He’s got this once he moves through the grief of it all.
Honestly, his dad sounds like a strong man most people would've just given in and gone with that messed-up wedding plan but he stood his ground.
Only thing his dad did wrong was spoil Sarah too much. Hopefully he'll learn to teach his kids to consider feelings.
Sarah made a choice, and now she's dealing with the consequences of that choice.
Right or wrong i believe the father had to let his daughter go for his own peace of mind. It may not be right in our eyes but was right for him. He had been betrayed in the worst ways. I'm sure he could tell years before that his daughter was drifting away. She just confirmed it the day before the wedding. Some times we have to let go and love people from afar least we become bitter and hateful. I'm sure in his mind he regressed and remembered his daughter as the little girl who adored him. Not the young woman who chose the same man her mother did over him. He was protecting his own sanity. He had made peace with the situation. I don't believe he was trying to punish her at all. He just had nothing to say and maybe in his last moments he might have said something that he would regret so decided to leave it alone. But he cared for her. He still loved her. He was still thinking of her in the end.
Can you really blame him? He did let her go but he wished that one thing, walking her through the aisle is still going until that last moment. It was a simple wish but she destroyed it completely. She deserves all the guilt trips
Well said
Oh, it was right in our eyes. At least eyes that aren't supportive or enabling of scumbaggery
Well said. The daughter is a narcissist. The father handled himself in a very dignified manner despite having his heart broken. It is so true, sometimes we must choose to love someone from afar. That is what the father did.
Err it was 100% right and if that was my sister i'd disown her as well myself.
You'll be a good Dad. Look at the example he set for you, that's his gift to your kids. His gift to you isn't over with his passing. Find the inner calm & quiet, ask his help, & listen for the answer. He'll guide you in that way now, through your instincts. May not be immediate response but it'll come to you what he might have done or said. He lives on in your family & he is happy, peaceful. He would always do anything to care for you & taught you the same :). THAT IS AN IMMPRESSIVE MONUMENT HE LEFT! Sorry for your loss.
There's every possibility Sarah knew of mother's affair and kept it secret
She regrets this for the rest of her life. Consequences that she ask for.
Story #2, OP needs to explain to his parents ONE LAST TIME, about his boundaries regarding the kid. He cannot stop them from having a relationship with her, but he wants nothing to do with her. There will be no discussion of the child with him, there will be no meetings or family gatherings that involve him and the child. If she is there, he will leave. If these boundaries are not followed, he will be forced to have no communication with them.
Or go no contact if they're going to keep it up and move. So they can't find him.
@@TheHelper151 Honestly I would just suggest going scorched earth and telling her she is nothing but a mistake and she should have never been born. Be a complete asshole and if anyone has an issue, they can kick rocks too.
@@zibix4562 I agree if they keep pestering him about meeting her.
@@zibix4562 cruel things for kids. The child was 17, a legal minor. If op doesn’t want a relationship fine, but to do that to a kid is wrong.
@@Govgrav506 no one, NO ONE, regardless of gender/age whatever should be forced into a relationship with a child that is a product of R.
Your sister chose her father’s backstabber to have the moment her father wanted most in her wedding. She made her decision let her live with it. She deserves to let it eat her up.
She used him for his money and look where it got her
Seriously that makes me so sad. And agree she deserves the guilt. Imagine how the dad felt.
In the end he still gave her everything she valued (money), he only *rightfully* chose to protect his heart, so that he could give it to his actual family and those that valued...
For women watching this and thinking the father went too far.
For my stand point as a man, I agree wholeheartedly with what the farher did.
What the daughter did to her father is what a wife does to her husband when she cheats.
That‘s basicauhow we see it.
Walking your daughter down the isle is basically passing the torch to the next man who will be taking care of her after you‘ve raised her for at least 18 years.
Her, telling her father that a diferent man will be doing that, is like a dagger through our heart. Like seeing someone die right in front of you.
What we hear really, is our daughter saying that we didn‘t sacrafice enough to walk her down the isle for those 30 seconds… after more than 18 years?!!
That is basically what every father raises his daughter for. Just to experience those 30 seconds, after which he will be giving her to her husband.
Her actions meant: You don‘t deserve this.
She would have been dead to me too.
I'm surprised people really are justifying Sarah's behavior and saying that the dad went overboard? Wtf? Are you serious? I hope you don't live with your parents right now cuz I can totally see how these ppl would flip out even with a little inconvenience , you all saying she was only 10 when the divorce , ok but her brother was the same age as her , he had the right mind to stay with a grieving and broken father rather than to go with a cheating mother , ok even after that she had chances to make ammends but she didn't and used her father for money , don't justify her behavior because it can't be , if you're justifying it maybe you're the Sarah in the story.
For the first story, Sarah had a great relationship with her biological father. He doted on her and loved her until she betrayed him by letting John walk her down the aisle. Here’s the thing, what Sarah did was a massive F you to her father. This man destroyed his life - went behind his back and stole his wife, divided his family and now Sarah asks him to share what was supposed to be the one thing that should have been his all along? Sarah was not a child in that situation. She was an adult who knew the bad blood between the both of them and how it destroyed her father. She’s a massive idiot if she thinks that she can treat her father like a doormat and he would stand by it. Absolutely no sympathy for this chick. Her dad gave her everything but she didn’t give him the one thing he wanted. Sorry, honey, but you’re gonna be living with that guilt for the rest of your life. You don’t always get a free pass for everything.
And about John and the ex wife trying to show up to the funeral...seriously? These people have some guts made of steel. That or they’re living in a fantasy land where consequences don’t exist. It’s like a murderer being at their victim’s funeral. What are you trying to do there? Gloat? Geez. This just gives me secondhand anger lol.
What did she think was going to happen? Dad spoils her, loves her, pays for the wedding and she says "oh you get to share honors at the wedding with the man that helped break up your marriage." That takes a seriously stupid or cold blooded person to do that.
Which is why he never saw her again. True Karma; the new definition. 😆
My guess is the parents must be heavily downplayed about their affair. Either way, she's still very stupid for that.
Step dad was a pos, but was always a good step dad to her. Why is she awful for loving both her dad and step dad. Get off your high horse.
@@Sin_Falimus Because she focused only on what she wanted, without caring about how it impacted her father.
This is something you'll learn if you ever grow up: Other people have feelings, too.
@@Sin_Falimus She's not wrong for loving both dads. But she is incredibly stupid for thinking any man with an inch of self-respect would be okay with walking their daughter down the aisle alongside the POS that betrayed him by sleeping with his wife taking his family MARRYING HIS WIFE and playing happy family while he's basically left broken. Also, it didn't help that she waited till the last minute after everything was paid for to ask him which tells me something in her told her it was a bad idea, and yet she still asked.
The fact that the second OP told his parents he didn't care if they kept contact but didn't want to meet her, and then they continued to try to force him to meet her, is disgusting. He isn't stopping them from connecting with their grandchild, and all he asked in return was for them to respect his boundaries. He gave them an inch, and they're trying to take a mile.
his update -
So much went on since my last post.
I spoke to my parents. I basically laid out exactly why I didn't want contact with her. I explained it's not a personal thing, but rather she is to me the living embodiment of my rapist and that if I were to have contact I feel it would make me re-live it all over again. I reassured them they can have contact with her and I won't stop it but to stop trying to force me.
They obviously agree with me, and said they'll respect my wishes. With regards to Christmas, as it stands she'll go for Christmas day and I won't and I'll go for boxing day. My parents are upset because it means I'll be completely on my own Christmas day.
I also wrote her a letter and gave it to them. I wasn't mean or anything to her but I explained exactly why I didn't want contact and how being in touch with her would make me feel and that until I get better, I didn't want contact and asked her to respect that.
My folks gave it to her and she read it while she was at their house. My mum told me she broke down crying and was really upset - obviously had no idea what happened. She asked them if they'd let her have some paper and write me a letter back and she did - they gave it to me. Initially I went mad that they did give it to me because I felt like they didn't respect what I'd said but they begged me to read it so I did.
And god I'm now confused. The letter was sweet for want of a better word. She admitted in it that she had no idea and apologised to me. And that hurt that she felt like she had to apologise. She also said she'd respect my wishes but gave her contact details and said if I ever wanted to to speak to her, she'd be there for me. She also slipped a little passport photo of her in it - which is the first time I've ever seen her and what she looks like.
It's weird because before this, she was just a thing. I could ignore her. But reading that she became real. She has a little girls handwriting. I felt like I could feel her pain in the letter. And seeing her photo - she's a kid. Doesn't look like me, but really looks like my dad but with her mum's hair and eye colour. But she does look sad in it.
I didn't say anything to my parents about it. But I'm now really fucking confused. I know I shouldn't have contact with her, and still don't want it for all the reasons I've said before. It's not good for me and also I don't think for her. But I realise I don't hate her or am angry at her at all. I don't want her to feel guilty about her horrible mother. And now I see she's a person - god it's fucked up. I don't know what's going to happen.
EDIT so I just sent my mum a message asking her to say to her that I read her letter and that I don't want her to feel that she has to apologise because she's done nothing wrong. She's replied back saying she will. I think she deserves to know that at least.
Tldr: spoke to my parents, laid out my boundaries and wrote her a letter. She wrote me one back and now I'm confused.
Honestly, Sarah wallowing in guilt for the rest of her life is the biggest karma to john and the wife. They shattered OP's dad's life to pieces, and now the daughter they raised will never be released from the shadow of her biological father's indifference to her at his death.
The first one, it shattered my heart I'm a new dad (I adopted my nice now proud to call her my daughter) I can't even begin to comprehend the amount not pain his daughter and mother caused unpopular opinion but I don't think that's something that can be forgiven.
Not everything can be forgiven. That's reality. It's always funny seeing people think that just because they are sorry, that means they should be forgiven or they now have a right to demand it. It's a narcissistic position. An apology and a sorry don't entitle anyone to demand forgiveness nor does it create an obligation for another to forgive. It might be nice if they did forgive, but if they choose not to or can't that's just the way it is. Some relationships are just damaged beyond being fixed. Sometimes you don't get a second chance. Hell, sometimes you don't even get one chance, much less a second.
First off thank you for being a father for your neice. Wish your family all the best. Secound its sad, but at the end of the day the sister chose her step dad over her father. She used her father for his money yet didn't care enough not to try to force to share a major moment with the person who destroyed his life. The dad gave his all while Sarah walked all over him. If she truely cared about her dad she would have not betrayed him. Now she gets the reward for her actions, the loss of her dad.
@@kgjung2310Agreed No one is owed forgiveness. Forgiveness is not for offender, but those who were wronged, to allow them to heal. Not for the person who did the wrong as for them its just to make themselves feel better.
I think he already gave her all that she valued (money), her expecting anything more from him is just torture, considering her behavior. He was right in cutting contact, and focusing on his actual family.
This is a dead thread, but forgiving doesn't necessarily mean you just go back to the way things were. There are a number of people who I have forgiven, but I don't hang around them just waiting to get burned again. Its the scorpion and the frog. You don't go shuttling scorpions around all the time after you get stung by them. The daughter was a waste like her mother. She doesn't show empathy like her mother before her. So he could have just decided that ship has sailed. He made sure his daughter was looked after even in death, but did not invest emotions into her. I would make a healthy wager he was in some stage of forgiving his daughter. That does not mean he was ever going to resume contact. And if he did this lesson would not have been learned on the part of the daughter. Pimpin' ain't easy.
2nd story, if the op was a woman and her parents were trying to bring around her rape baby, commenters would be singing a while different tune.
Because though it was a man, they don’t care about him.
Right and to top it off he doesn't even have the body autonomy a woman has by having the option of an abortion or adoption. From experience it's difficult as a woman to have people listen to you about any kind of abuse or assault. I can't imagine how much harder it would be to 100% disbelieved and basically told to get over it simply because of your gender. Men can be victims too and I feel so bad for this guy.
I just remembered there was a guy on reddit. He share his story about himself and his wife/gf which he was right but reddit commenters didn't agree and start insulting him. He shared his story to same place again with a different account and made a small change to the story; he wrote himself as female and his wife/gf as husband/bf and reddit commenters literally showered him with love, support and more but when he exposed himself and what happened reddit sh*t on him yet again.
funny it's only men that need to suck it up en deal with shit
Exactly. That one redditor who said they think the 17 yr old takes priority, really awful. Acting as if the trauma of rape is nothing compared to a 17 yr old being alone. News flash, many are sadly on their own in early adulthood. Another news flash, it’s really damaging to have a constant reminder of your rape around. Especially since he’s already having a hard time coping.
That’s not true- think of all the women who had to bring up children caused by r*pe and bear the „shame“, too. I truly wish that OP is able to get over his trauma and give the kid a chance. Maybe something good would come out of this horrible situation.
The daughter made her choice, and now she has eternity ruminate on it.
Story 2: it’s like asking a rape victim to carry the child and then after giving it up for adoption, forcing the victim to have a relationship with said child, the only difference is it’s a man that was violated not a woman it’s cruel 😑
It's even worse since he had to pay his rapist money, not even a change to forget.
Imagine having to PAY your rapist for 16 years.
One thing that really got under my skin... a comment about the poor guy who was raped. "Who takes priority? A 30s man or a 17 girl?"
The way this comment is written sounds so blaise about his trauma, like he should just get over it. Reverse the genders. It's a 30s woman who was raped, and her 17 son looking for her. Would the commenter still feel the same way? This man was raped at that age and forced to pay for 16 years for a child he didn't have any say in to a woman who raped him, and he's just expected to deal with that reminder? Why? The poor guy deals with enough when it comes to this.
This is a tough one cause he got double tapped, not only was he raped by the woman but also raped by the system. Just goes to show the world cares nothing about the safety of young men at all.
On the comment note, however, I think the justification here is not so much the 37 year old man vs the 17 year old girl, but rather trying to get him to share what little family she has left, with him.
As the last comment said his parents should respect his wishes to be left alone and out of situations where he would be forced to interact with her, and should spend time with her separate from him. He also should at least respect their wishes to help her seeing as that is their grandchild, and more so an innocent in this case.
He absolutely need counseling on multiple levels as not everyone can just get over it, honestly I hope he can come to at least be around her and treat her as family, not a daughter, but just someone extra in his life. When he get to that point I think he would be release from his own personal jail he has going right now
Tbh i think the guy is being a massive douche. and i'd say it to his face. The girl is a 17 year old who has lost everything, She didn't rape him. she's an innocent victim in this as well reaching out to the only family she has left. If he can't show a bit of Compassion for an innocent kid who happens to be his bio daughter he isnt much of a man at all. She likely doesnt even know she is a product of rape. Making his parents choose between him and their Only grandkid at a holiday Dinner at Their own house is a Bitch move. He sounds pretty spineless to me tbh.
@@RaizelSX i think your last point would be majorly dependant on whether she looks like his rapist or not. Yes, she's obviously a different person, but if he had to look into a similar face for the rest of his life and be expected to accept it, I think that would seriously fuck him up more.
All over the situation is just difficult for everyone, and one of them is going to 'lose', as it were.
@@dannyholland7209 he isn't some deadbeat dad that abandoned his kid he had as a one night stand or something. He's a rape victim who has only had, at most, a year to finally feel some kind of freedom from the hell that is his trauma.
He may have been raped 17 years ago, but for 16 of those years, he was forced to be constantly kept in that place and reminded of it because he had to pay for a child that he shouldn't have. He hasn't had 17 years to come to terms with his trauma, he's had 1.
Yes, this girl is innocent in all of it, and honestly needs to be told the truth of the situation, but to disparage him like that is honestly disgusting. Again, reverse the genders, would you also tell a woman she needs to get over being raped because her 17 year old son that she was forced to have and never wanted anything to do with wants to be part of her life?
@@ravenvixen7903 Why yes, Yes i would.. The devil is in the details. a 17 year old with no other family and no means to support herself.
Or the 37 year old adult who hasnt gotten over a past trauma.
Most sane people can buck the fuck up and help a child in need, She hasnt ASKED for him to play daddy. She's just a kid curious about the only family members she has left and wants to know about them and maybe meet at some point.
He's a Full grown man trying to emotionally manipulate his parents out of seeing their only grandkid.
Why does family think it's okay to pick the people who hurt you and expect you to be okay with it?
1st story - she deserves all her guilt, I hope she never forgets what she did
Sarah kept doing things that there is no way she wouldn’t realized was hurting her dad yet she kept doing progressively more damage and was shocked when she finally crossed the line she shouldn’t have. The father finally realized she didn’t care as much about him as he did her so cutting contact with her made it easier to move on. Then when she finally realized she messed up it was too late the damage was done then when he passed she had a breakdown because she hurt that man so much and she truly burned the bridge between them.
#1 It's also interesting to note OP's comments in the original thread made it sound like he was convinced that his Dad would eventually forgive Sarah. then after he got really sick without seeing her, passed and the will was read and Sarah was omitted from the sentimental items, it seemed to hit home that, nope, she wasn't about to be forgiven in the slightest bit.
The father left her a photo album also; albeit without personal handwritten notes.
@@R_W_Goodson that was the "rub". She also did not receive a final letter from her father.
2nd story: I would meet with her and tell her how horrible her what the mother did.
People are not taking his feelings seriously jn the video and in the comments becuase it's a man. Alot of yall have gender biases around sexual trauma and it shows.... shame on you!!!
You got that right!
Not only was he not believed, he was stuck paying for 16 years.
A woman raped could have the baby aborted and be free.
A guy raped is at the mercy of his rapist.
19 yo vs a 34 yo woman? How was he not believed?
I don't think he physically can. I think the duty is on the grandparents to tell her. Particularly since they're forcing the situation and then give it time.
Gender biases? No just straight up sexism. No one sugar coats misogyny, it shouldn’t be done for misandry either.
I feel like as a 34 year old man with the time it wises you up. I would expect a younger version of himself would not want anything to do with the kid but now he’s grown and more matured. The kid is also a victim and when children are involved you gotta do the right thing and the right thing to do is establish a relationship because that child is hurting the same.
@@jesusespinoza8467 wtf? Age does nothing in relation to trauma or how people react to it. He’s not a deadbeat dad, he’s a rape victim. Stop treating him like a deadbeat and respect the boundaries he deserves.
The twin sister betrayed her father and deserves to feel pain and experience the consequences for her betrayal.