relief, grief & loneliness - how I felt after my adult autism diagnosis | raw update PART 4
Vložit
- čas přidán 28. 12. 2022
- This is part 4 of a series of raw and honest videos that I shot as a video diary for myself during the period of time where I was being assessed for and diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at 30. I decided to share these raw and honest videos because I hope they help someone else going through the process of late-diagnosis to feel less alone. Please share this video with your networks of fellow late-diagnosed friends and feel free to leave a comment if it resonates with you - I would love to hear your story too!
Sending you love
Charlie xxx
Instagram: / charlierewilding
TikTok: / charlierewilding
Newsletter: charlierewilding.substack.com/
For business enquiries please email: charlierewilding@gmail.com
_________________
Welcome! I'm Charlie. I spent 30 years creating a life I thought was expected of me. Eventually I burned out, quit my job & discovered I am autistic. Now I am looking forward to creating a new life on my own terms, and sharing it with you through this channel. I hope to simply be me. This is my journey, rewilding.
What is 'rewilding'? I explain in my first video here: • Rediscovering myself a...
Being diagnosed autistic in my 50s at first was a relief but after watching so many other videos on late diagnosed autistics has been such a revelation! Like all those quirky, weird, little idiosyncrasies that I truly thought were unique to me turn out to be shared with so many other auties! Since then it’s been very much a process with so many flashbacks to scenes going way back to my childhood of things that were so obviously autistic but I never knew! Like if you’d asked me prior to diagnosis if I’d been bullied in school, I would have said “no”, but looking back now I realize that other kids DID bully me, I was never included in groups at lunch, was called names, got lured into doing stupid things then would have them all laugh at my gullibility. Was sexually assaulted many times (naive and too trusting) so spent most of my time on my own. Having had no comparison to anyone else’s experience of life, I just assumed all that was normal and never understood why others found me weird. Oh poor little Lisa! I just want to hug her so hard 🤗
This is what scares me about getting evaluated. I don’t want to find out my uniqueness is not actually unique and just a diagnosis. I’m creative, funny, a writer, a gardener, so many things… I don’t want them all to turned into one word; autism. I felt relief when I was diagnosed osdd though and became very interested in learning more about it and teaching those around me. I keep wondering why I differentiate them this way…
@@c-3786 You will continue to be all those things regardless of any dianosis- a diagnosis of your issues isn't a negation of your life, talents or work. It's just a way to facilitate understanding your being on a better level with understanding that it's a factor of your being.
@@c-3786don't let one word change who you are. If you find joy in all those things be those tbings. I'm 50 and looking at diagnosis at the moment. It wont stop me from being artistic, looking at life like i do, loving nature, being quiet and shy or stop me from loving animals. I will do more of that & pour myself into being myself. ❤
Lisa thank you for being a Gen X going through this, as i am i appreciate all you have said, all the things we go throught and not know until someone turns a light on. ❤
When I was first diagnosed as ADHD and autistic I went through this exactly. I was 34. I was angry that I'd only been offered anxiety meds, never stimulant meds, that all of my problems were called "anxiety." I had no idea how much a simple thing like earbuds would help.
I would recommend 'Lifemarque Travel Earplugs' they look orange and yellow. You get three pairs in a box for about five pounds and they last for a long time. I have been using these for about fourteen years now because I am also sensitive to sound. They are the best in my opinion.
Oh my God. That's what I said to my key worker. I was like 'all this time, and half of my issues are solved by sunglasses and good earbuds.'
I remember (pre-diagnosis) a few years ago i was in hospital for mental health reasons and was struggling with how bright the lights were. My Mum and I suggested to the staff if i could wear sunglasses inside, the nurse literally laughed and said "thats ridiculous". @ciaraskeleton
I was diagnosed on February 24. This video reflects my daily life in the past months. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I was diagnosed in January aged 52 after a 2.5 year wait, by which time I had quit my job with burnout. I thought I'd feel relieved and validated, but I didn't. This video has been so helpful and like Lisa I am perhaps on a slower path to acceptance. I feel like I don't know who I am any more and am still clinging to the familiarity of masking Who am I without the mask and if I start to drop it, will that undo 30 years of psychology, self improvement and spirtiual philosophy. There is a high cost to my 'well-functioning-adult' persona, but the reward is social acceptance. I am struggling to reconcile these and have only disclosed my diagnosis to my daughter and my best friend (who said, I'm surprised, you don't seem at all autistic).
This video has been really good in helping me recognise the grief I am feeling and my fear of being 'openly autistic'. I look forward to being a proud advocate in the autistic community when I reach acceptance. Thank you.
I'm 55 and just got the neuropsych report today. So many mixed feelings.
wow!! I am so glad that you are sharing your experience with life after late-diagnosis. Thank you. I am a self-diagnosed 71 year old woman. Recently after 3 months of studying and watching everything that I can on autism I decided i am autistic.. My grand-daughter was diagnosed several years ago and although I had identified with a lot of the way she thinks and responds to her environment it just didn't click. My clue came when I wanted to know more about autism and CZcams videos filled the gap for me.
❤❤❤
You described every single thing I am feeling right now. It has been difficult to put it into words though, so thank you for this ❤
I certainly walked away with a little more hope than I had prior to watching your video. I just received my diagnosis about three or four months ago and I am 55. Everything you have said resonates and is exactly what I’m going through. I am so grateful to have found this online community and thank you for sharing your experience ❤
I really connected with your authentic videos. As an also late in life identified Autistic adult, I am sad for our younger selves that we had to struggle unnecessarily but I am glad you ae here telling your story, creating a safe space for us all to connect .x
I'm a guy aged 39. I was diagnosed two years ago, and everything you said resonated with me. Every phase was exactly the same, and it does come around in cycles multiple times.
hi friends! I hope you find value in this week's video! I just wanted to mention that if you are self-diagnosed then please don't think I am looking to exclude you because of my references to professional diagnosis in this video. I am simply sharing my personal experience (personal being the operative word!) and I personally believe self-diagnosis is SO valid ❤ Anyway, I'd love to hear in the comments if you experienced an emotional rollercoaster too... and please be sure to like and share this video if you enjoy it🥰 Sending you love! ❤
LOVING the curls! ❤
Thank you so much for sharing these videos of your journey. I’m on the suspectrum (not a word that I coined, but it fits where I am in my journey). I have watched SO MANY videos at this point of women are sharing their neurodivergent diagnosis experiences and processes (both before, during, and post) and that grieving phase is in every one. What my biggest takeaway from my own experiences is that I treat myself with so much more kindness and patience than I did prior to this self-discovery journey.
THANK YOU! 😄🥰 I am so happy to hear you are able to treat yourself with more kindness and compassion now - I feel very much the same!
I’m call it DABDA = denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance 💔😢💞💙🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻👊👊
I will never ever tell another employer or a person who works . No one understands
Thank you so much for your video. I'm at the pre-diagnosis stage (NHS waiting list, 12 months in so far), but quite confidently self-diagnosed.
This made me feel a whole lot more accomplished 😄 🙏🏽😻
I got my diagnosis at age 50 (5 years ago) and an adhd diagnosis 4 years after that, and I was already in a severe autistic burnout when I got the diagnosis, and not only have I somehow managed to survive all of that, but I did it with zero support from my family, or a single friend, in fact, since diagnosis my family have all abandoned me, but I didn’t get the message (obviously 🤦🏻♀️ cos they’re not as honest as me), until this Christmas, when it was obvious even to me that thru don’t want me around, because my whole family, including my only son, completely abandoned me and excluded me ~ they had the usual big family get together on Christmas Day, complete with huge dinner and part games, only this time, I wasn’t invited!!!! 😭😭😭
However, despite all that, this year I managed to have the best Christmas of my life and I decided to take a chance at friendship with a lady who I met last year, who seems to like my mind and the way I am and she came and helped me do what I’ve been asking my family to help me with for the past 6 years, which is to declutter my house, and honestly, I am soooooooooo looking forward to the new year and my new life as me, and this time, without my family constantly gaslighting me, looking down on me and giving me nothing but s*1T ~ I guess I ruined their game of using me as their scapegoat for everything they hate about their lives because now I know I’m autistic and have adhd, I won’t allow them to continue using me and while I’m still at the stage of missing them, every day gets better and better, and life feels amazing now I’ve come through the grief and doubts and denials etc and I definitely have hope where before, like you, I had none ❤️❤️❤️ thank you 🙏🏽
🙏🙏🙏🙏
I am happy to hear that you are starting to find hope through the hardship! Sending you love ❤❤❤
@@charlierewilding thank you 🙏🏽❤️
If you are autistic, chances are your family is too and hearing that shattered their reality. We need to remember they have perspectives, ideas, and traumas we can't see.
@@randomCHELdad I totally agree and I definitely think my mum is on the spectrum and now I’m realising my dad probably was as well. I can also see some evidence of it in my brother and his two daughters definitely are but their mother won’t have none of it. The eldest niece is now in a relationship with a guy who was recently diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Another cousin’s little boy has also just been diagnosed and his brother’s grandson is going through the testing process. So it’s definitely in the family and since I got my diagnosis it’s coming to light.
However, I can’t handle the uncaringness from my family and I have just realised I’ve fallen back into the same old patterns since trying again to have a relationship with my family, and it’s not doing me any good at all. It’s holding me back. So I’m letting them go. I’m not closing the door in a relationship with them but I’m not putting all my effort into it any more.
Thank you so much for making these videos. I may be one of those "white boys" but only got very recently diagnosed.
Gradually I worked towards self identification over many years. The pandemic gave me more opportunities to research further. About 3 months ago at the age of 57 I finally got my assessment. I'm still processing what it means for me. After all this time I felt having an official diagnosis would be of benefit for supports and accommodations as I get older. And I think I've made the right decision already with much exploring ahead.
And I agree it's been a rollercoaster of grief, doubt, acceptance and much more. And yes hope! I feel more confident in myself now, more than ever before. Awareness and understanding of myself is also falling more into place. 🌞
I am so happy for you that things are starting to fall into place ❤
41M in eval process. Been searching for an answer somewhere between 23 and 27 years. I can relate without the denial or anger. I'm white, have a STEM PhD, divorced with an autistic child. My PhD and divorce / custody battle / emotional abuse / false accusations have destroyed me to basically socially useless (when you have no regular support and society tells you you are weak for asking for help your mind doesn't really like that after keeping it all in) and more invisible than I already felt. I have no regular contact friends my own age. My parents are the only adults that contact me on a regular basis. I telework full time and because of child support I have no choice but to keep going no matter what. Being white and male means I have to be self sufficient and I am not supposed to feel pain because I am the privileged oppressor, this is probably why I slipped through the cracks. I am so glad I know why I have felt invisible for the last 23 years. I am so tired of trying to make friends or having to initiate contact I have given up. I dread having to live like this for another 30-50 years. Having flat affect, not being very physically attractive even though I am physically fit, and not understanding how I was seen has basically destroyed my self esteem. To mask and avoid bullying I became a learning and success machine so I could basically tell people off or have them not try to start anything. Emotionally I am dying and society is just crushing me. I would walk a 1000 miles alone if I knew I could make just one long lasting friend who would reach out on a regular basis. All I know is I have to do everything I can to help my child whose mom doesn't understand them and makes life difficult for them. If you are alone out there never give up no matter what. Peace
Compassion. May I respectfully suggest an inperson group with other adults who have autism, and children with autism? Probably the two coincide. Find people who “get” you and vice versa. Becoming more connected with help you love your child well and help them be less isolated. Both are gifts making this challenging life more sustainable and hopeful. Blessings on your discoveries
Sir, you are not alone in any of your feelings or experiences. My husband is in much the same boat. I am as well. If you enjoy geeky type activities dungeons and dragons, Warhammer 40k, cards, black smiting, costuming, movies, jewelry making, gardening.... try a few activities, allow yourself to enjoy activities
This video is telling my feelings thanks
Im on the waiting list, ive been screened and after years of misdiagnosis i finally have a little bit of access to the support/therapy that i needed.
Where i am, we have an orginisation that help Autistic people before, during and after diagnosis. They are mostly Autistic people so it has been life saving.
I know im Autistic, and feel like just being able to have my needs met now is far more than i could ever ask for. But with all of this positivity, and being able to step into my identity, came all of this grief, pain, anger, resentment, depression, memories. Then lots more positives flow, and then more memories, anger, pain etc.
I am only just getting to the point where I am processing that i cant go back. That this is the real me and the old me was built on survival, trauma, negative core beliefs (blamimg myself, shaming myself, hating myself). It was built on 'proving' my normality, or my worth in society via constantly pushing myself to over achieve, perfectionise and then hit severe burnout.
When i let go of my entire mask...i realised that i hadnt ever done things that made me happy, i did them based on what others would think was acceptable or again, would prove my worth. Or make me seem normal so no one would see past the mask. Or i did things to please other people, again to prove my worth.
Living in acceptance i am an entirely different person than i thought i was or would be. I want different things, i think differently, my perspective on pretty much everything has changed, my love for people grew, my understanding of the world grew with my understanding of myself. Dont get me wrong, i spend most days crying because i remember the past. I still get depressed. My issues are still there. But how i view it and deal with it all has totally...changed.
I was not prepared for this much inner or outer change, especially being Autistic and change making me spiral into impending doom and anxiety. 😂
It is grief, and alongside that grief, relief, acceptance and in time, a life thats worth living for US. Not a perfect life, but a life that fulfills us. Whatever that looks like to us personally.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reflect and share your experience, so very relatable and puts things into perspective hearing someone else's experience. Thank you x
Thank you so much for this video - I’ve suspected I was autistic for over a year and processed a lot while self-diagnosed, but just got my official diagnosis this week with autism and adhd and I relate so hard to this. Thank you- the feeling of finally being seen, relief, paired with the deep grief of almost 3 decades without this awareness. It’s a lot. Thank you again
I had a late ADHD diagnosis and the emotional journey was exactly the same as you described. I do think it's important to seek counselling from a therapist who understands, to deal with this journey, because it is a wild one. Thanks for sharing! x
I completely agree! Thanks for sharing!
This was tremendously helpful. Thank you
Thanks for sharing. The self-doubt after diagnosis was very relatable.
Thank you for your amazing clarity 😊
Did you file for disability? I’ve not been able to work for a year. Am so overwhelmed and literally love being in a quite environment and not trying to force myself to “try” and think thru my work as I have always done. Im wanting to get tested as well. My psychiatrist understands the things I describe and it sheds soooo much light on the present (anxiety, burnout, fatigue, sensory overload), and being able to look back and the “flashbacks” happen at any given time. If I can just get my disability approved (I have all of the Dr documentation and MRI’s) , thhhhhen I could actually breathe. I also am the only person around with this. However, my psychiatrist asked me if I had ever questioned if my husband and daughter are as well. My breathe was halted…I actually told him…if they are…I could so easily forgive what I can understand. That was such a healing perspective.
oh my gosh it is such a relief
Hi Charlie, thank you so much for sharing your journey. It is wonderful seeing you more sure and in control of your life. It is beautiful to see and experience. PS. LOVE your haircut!
I'm not autistic, but I have a younger sister who is. Thankfully, she's been diagnosed at a very young age - but as someone who doesn't know how it feels, it's been a long learning curve (and still is) in how I can best support her. I never want to make her feel I don't care or that I'm not there for her. Listening to your videos (even though not everyone's autism is the same) I recognize similar things in my sister to what you are explaining and it has been so so insightful. Thank you also for all the book recommendations in your previous video's - I'll be checking those out.
I hope you are doing well and feeling rested. Take care 🌻
I just found out, officially at 51 and have similar thoughts about “what if” and the anger about having had such a traumatic life up to this point.
Grieving is the right word, I am grieving the loss of the life I was never going to have.
I need to work on creating new hopes and dreams that are also attainable. Another challenge will be to work out which bits are masks and which bits are me
Thank you so much for sharing! I could relate heavily to you mentioning this never ending search for reasons before landing on the real root cause… I looked far to many years into all sorts of spiritual and other wise self help “explanations” to understand myself better and get help… all
The self help books, spiritual concepts and ideas, mental health facets (and there are some I’m affected by for sure like the generalized anxiety disorder, ptsd and depression), the highly sensitive person explanation, maybe it’s my diet, and on it went….. I received my adhd diagnoses three years prior
To my asd. Although that explained already a ton and was a relief, I could feel
That it wasn’t “it”. Not the real root yet…: and very unexpectedly I finally got to realize my autistic self and after another 2 years, I received my official diagnosis at the age of 40 last year…. And I can so totally relate to your post diagnosis experience and process. ❤it’s so important to share our stories! Thank you for showing up!
Thank you for this video! I’m going through this too right now; got diagnosed last month! I find it amazing how so many parts of our experiences are so similar as late diagnosed adults! Thanks again for putting this out there!
It's amazing isn't it?! Thank you for watching and sharing ❤
thank you for sharing
❤
Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm having my profesional test next week, I'm already feel overwhelmed. I struggle all my life with anxiety and struggle, I have been prescribed so many medications to help me to cope, but last week I saw a Psiquiatrist and he has notice signs of autism in me and suggested to have test. ❤
Thank you for sharing your journey. My whole family is going through diagnosis atm. (My wife in her late 50's me in my early 40's and our 4 year old) it's a serious journey. I'm burnt out but trying to work part-time 3 days a week ( I had 2 weeks of complete breakdown not working and I've not managed 3 full days in the last fortnight. This week I've had 2 migraines as my body has gone YOU MUST STOP).
Grieving is right but for me also processing a bunch of trauma. I'm doing better but still have a long way to go.
I think my wife is doing ok but she's only 2 days post assessments. We see the psyc next week to start the 4 year olds diagnosis.
I absolutely love my job I work with autistic kids so hopefully I can pull myself back together for work the next 2 weeks before the holidays (in Australia so coming up on spring holidays) .
So, this reminds me of a quote from the timeless classic, The Mighty Ducks. The character played by Emilio Estavez laments about barely missing the championship winning shot and the young protégé says something along the lines of, "Yeah, but an inch the other way and you would have missed the goal entirely."
As an even later adult with an autism diagnosis (I was 42), I can empathize with the "what ifs". However, consider that if you were diagnosed as a child, you may have had so many doors in your life shut before you could even try. "Ah, well, you're autistic, maybe try something more realistic for you."
Not knowing meant you didn't have false limitation imposed on you, also. And as many late diagnosed people, you're likely a very capable person despite any challenges you face. Good on you for making it this far. I feel like I started falling apart, myself, leading up to my diagnosis. I think things are harder now, but part of that isn't because of the diagnosis... it what was leading to seek a diagnosis. Also, bravo on the support from your husband. My wife has been a bit of a mixed bag with respect to it. I know that she still loves me and she is being supportive, but I think when the frustrating days come around, as they always do, sometimes she points at the autism and is frustrated with it... even though it has always been there and there have always been frustrating days. And I have always known that I am not an easy person to live with. That to me does add to the challenges.
Yes I'm finding my partner of 20 years now can put our relationship problems squarely on my shoulders as I'm the problem one if you like. Obviously it's way too simplistic and I resent that so there we go onto a spiral of blame.
I wanted to share with her first of course but I'm now wishing I'd held back and maybe drip fed the information into my environment (partner friends and family) without diving in too deep. The scariest thing is when I have to put on my mask even with the people that love me just to defend myself from the same shit I experience outside my front door
It's so strange to me hearing the relief people have. I was just completely numb for like months. I still haven't had the relief side. Just a different confusion than before.
The doubt though...still in that one now.
Thinking of getting tested an this really helped a bit to think of what i might expect to feel and to gain, thanks.
❤
I have my neuropsych evaluation tomorrow, so I'm not formally diagnosed yet, but I recognize the emotions you went through even only being self-diagnosed. I first took the AQ (39) and have since taken loads more autism tests that confirm I'm autistic. I felt relief to know that autism was the 'golden thread' that explained the entirety of my life experiences, but then felt tremendous grief for the child I was who could have been supported so that my life would have been more successful. Even if I am given a formal Dx after tomorrow, I think it's too late for me. I'm on disability for 'mental health' reasons already and don't have hope for any kind of fruitful life. BTW, I'm 53 and will turn 54 in April. I live alone, but will be moving in with my mom soon. Thank you for sharing your experience. It makes my world a little less isolated. I feel at least 'seen' when I hear from other late diagnosed autistic people. Thank you.
❤❤❤
Having a full diagnosis can be SO powerful, right? Like, just someone telling you, this *is* real, this *is* what you are, you *aren't* making it all up and its not just in your head. And it's funny how like, I was diagnosed autistic age 9, and yet I relate so much to folks like you who were diagnosed later? Its like I grew up with this label, but only truly learned so much about what that label meant later in my life? And the autistic/ND community on Tiktok has been so powerful for me too, and ironically I'd count you as one of the people I've met through the TT ND community and helping me and inspiring me in my own journey. Hope you're having a lovely festive period Charlie 🥰
SO powerful! Knowledge is key! Thank you for sharing a bit about your journey - it's so interesting to hear about your experience of being diagnosed when you were younger but taking time to learn about yourself... I think that is a very human experience, you know, that we learn more and more about who we are as we grow up (regardless of what labels we have been given or told about when we are younger). I hope that it is a validating experience for you. Thank you so much for your kind words, this community really is the best!! Hope you're enjoying you're festive period too ❤
Thank you for this! I am awaiting a (possible) diagnosis. I'm glad I heard your message beforehand
How have your friends and family reacted? The thought gives me anxiety 😬
Would you do a video about the process you had to go through to get diagnosed?
I'm suspecting I may be autistic (I'm 33) but I am really hesitant to start the process because I have no idea what to expect.
I’m 52 and a retired naval officer and I was diagnosed by my psychologist during therapy for PTSD. I don’t need a formal diagnosis because there is no benefit for me at this stage in life. Having a fully licensed, PhD psychologist tell me that I am autistic and there is zero doubt in her mind is enough.
I work part time remotely so there would be no accommodation benefit from a formal diagnosis.
That’s imposter syndrome what you were experiencing. Very common! I was diagnosed 2 yrs ago age 45! I now make videos myself about my experiences ❤ x
Charlie,
I love what you have done with your hair! You look FANTASTIC!
I've been praying for you Hun. Don't give up! God has a calling and a purpose for your life! Its found only in Jesus Christ.
I know that God loves you so much.
I had been going through much of the same things you have been describing for years and I finally have experienced a breakthrough in the last #2 years. I'm not trying to preach to you but. I'm just sharing my experience with you is all.
I love ya! God Bless!
Same. Soft diagnosed at 45 by psychologist. Three years later I still see no positives.
For what it's worth...it's not just women/girls - it's a lot of men, too. Because the medical world looks at autism as a collection of symptoms and deficits, it completely fails to spot anybody who learns to mask early. I'm one of them - sure, white and male, but I wasn't diagnosed until I got to my 40s when my ability to consistently mask began to decline because I just don't have the energy any more.
If the medical community would put some actual effort into seeing autism as a whole rather than looking for specific "symptoms", then we'd all be better off. Sadly, many GPs (who are the gatekeepers for all services) still subscribe to the view that autism = Rain Man, and anybody outside that is simply not autistic. Then they push this view to parents, and you get...well, Mumsnet, where the prevailing view is that you're not _really_ autistic unless you're nonverbal and unable to live independently.
Love your hair mine is very long. Trying to work up some courage to cut it.
I'm going to ask for a referral soon for the ASD assessment, i imagine the process will come with its own set of feelings to navigate.. but I hope that it helps me make sense of my life (self dx already has, but I need the official recognition to access the correct support)
Good luck Linda ❤
Men can also get late diagnosis and learn to mask very well in childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. This problem of late diagnosis is not exlusive to women and involves many autistic people of all races and genders. At 31 It's been over 1 year since my diagnosis and I'm really feeling and dealing with that anger.
Definitely, i am just sharing my personal journey as a woman who is late-diagnosed. Apologies if the way I phrased things in this video made it seem as though things like masking are exclusive to women - i completely appreciate that is not the case, and i'm doing my best at talking openly about my experiences whilst also being sensitive to the fact that autistic people's (regardless of gender) experiences are unique to the individual.
@@charlierewilding I apologize I was being too blunt. In hindsight I shouldn't have taken offense I knew you were simply advocating your journey as best as you knew how to. It's true women do mask better and more frequently than boys do and also go under the radar. My third grade teacher drilled eye contact into me and constantly berated me when I missed something important, that's probably why I went undiagnosed cause I felt too much shame to be how I naturally am. I think I'm just dealing with the grief of too many things all once and I'm venting to strangers whom I should be supporting back. My Mom passed last Dec, lost my faith, had a terrible breakup, still feel like I don't fully understand my own asd lvl 1 sometimes let alone the people around me and finding genuine support for asd feels impossible at times. You are completely fine, I need to kinda snap out of my own pit I'm in. I hope you keep doing what you do. Just be as mindful as possible ask questions. That's about it. Have a nice day.
@2ND NATURE I'm so sorry you're going through so much & don't worry - you made a completely valid point & it's really important to share our stories & perspectives 🙂 take care.
Auditory processing disorder?! There is a word for this?! 🤯 kids used to call my name in the hall so I would turn around and say “whaaaaaaat?” Shocked someone was talking to me. They all thought I was a stoner. I never smoked in school!!!
Im 33. I was referred by my gp for an autism diagnosis well over 2 years ago and still have no sign of any support or appointments. My daughter was referred and has been diagnosed and put forward for an adhd assessment in the time i have been waiting. The nhs wait times are a mess
Totally feel your pain. It is ridiculous
@@soulTraveller144 i emailed the autism assessment team to try and get an update on how much longer the wait is but simply got an automated response saying they are working on referrals from 2019 now but that they dont reply personally to emails or questions on wait times. So if that automated reply is accurate it means i have at least 2 or 3 more years to wait. Its an absolute joke for it be years and years to wait. The neglect of nhs patients in this country should be criminal and the whole country should be outraged by it
❤
I was diagnosed by a psychologist but I doubt her opinion. You look/act neurotypical as do I. You are the first person I have encountered who is like me in this regard. I am much older than you. Seeing you now makes me wonder if my diagnosis is correct. Everyone I told responded with indifference. I think they don't believe me.
A big part of this journey for me is learning to tap into what I identify with and what I do not, especially as the autism spectrum is so broad (and knowledge about neurodivergence in general is so sparse). I hope that you are able to do/accept etc what is right for you regardless of what people say. Regarding looking or acting neurotypical - autism does not 'look' any particular type of way and my autistic experience is so much more than a 13 minute video on CZcams (where I am inevitably masking to some degree because it's all I've known all my life!). I think the sooner we let go of stereotypes around what autistic people 'look' or 'act' like the sooner we will all be able to accept ourselves and each other. ❤
This is a really random question, and I haven’t seen any videos on it…but does anyone on the spectrum dealt with limerance they just can’t seem to get rid of???
I have started to suspect I am autistic (it’s started with doing research on ADHD and sensory processing disorder) and I am starting the process to get evaluated but something I really really struggle with is limerance. I’m wondering if anyone has also experienced it
When I was younger I would get really heartbroken because I would get really into a guy and then I kinda got lost in thinking about the future, just to then have them breakup with me because they were on a totally different page.
I am currently struggling with a very disruptive limerance episode. I had an ex (we talked about marriage, kids, future blah blah blah) timing and having to relocate just made it so it didn’t happen.
We decided to be friends, I always felt he was waaay more into me than I was into him. So when we broke up and decided to just treat each other like best friends I was okay with it.
he ended our friendship because he got a gf I was okay with it.
Years passed then I reached out to him because he was the only person I trusted with a personal problem. It wasn’t until our 3rd phone call in two days he admitted he had a fiancée (the girl he was dating when he stopped our friendship)
I was okay with it, said I understood we couldn’t talk and I wished them the best and Ty for helping me with my problem.
Before we hung up he said he really missed me, that no one in the world knew him better than I did, how if this marriage didn’t work he would come looking for me and he hoped this wasn’t the last time he heard my voice.
I felt a little bummed because I thought he made it weird and we could never have a friendly connection after he said those things (I kept this all to myself)
Since we hung up it’s like those things he said flipped a switch and I can’t stop thinking of him, wondering what could have been, sort of going over and over our moments together and just feeling really depressed and like I miss him
Which is made worst by the fact we have a mutual friend and he comes up in conversations.
I’ve talked to therapist and they tell me to just stop thinking about him and have my brain realize how things really are and move on (which I don’t understand how to do)
Sorry it was so long, couldn’t really think of how to shorten it and make it be understood lmao
But I’m just wondering if anyone else feels like they either feel nothing for someone…or it’s intense and all consuming like limerance makes it feel?
Thank you for any of your thoughts! 😊
Limerence sounds interesting. My psychiatrist said I also have an obsessive personality disorder called 'Obsessional Paranoia' because I tend to form attachments with people. It seems sensory sensitivities and tendencies to form attachments and then struggling to communicate and interact with others are typical traits in Asperger's. I also struggle to have a human connection with work colleagues. That's what they say in probationary reports of jobs I fail to hold onto. I am also sensitive to sounds.
@@murtazaarif6507 yes I also struggle with sensitivity to sounds. Certain sounds will bother me so much it will make me mad, or I’ll get a physical reactions. Being told I have sensory processing disorder has helped me feel more compassionate towards myself and has empowered me to speak out about when something is bothering me because I now understand what I feel is valid and okay. As far as socializing, I think to people I look like I am very friendly and talkative….but the truth is it takes a lot out of me because I tend to match ppls energies, or mimic them, or act how I think I am supposed to be acting in certain situations. On the inside, I just honestly am thinking of what I am going to do when I’m finally alone, or I catch my inner dialogue being like “omg can you please leave, I want my space back to myself.” Which makes it very noticeable when I get ppl around me who I don’t want to run away from, or be apart from. These are usually the people i develop strong limerance for.
@@sirenelectric143 Your inner thoughts and feelings through your inner dialogue are so important to make sense of things. I also talk to myself a lot. I am often seen mumbling to myself in public. I like my inner voice because it has always been there and is so honest. My sensitivities stem from sounds and vibrations in my environment.
I find sound meditation very useful because it prevents me from developing a domino effect of spiraling thoughts. It grounds me in the present and prevents me from thinking too much about the past or the future. It helped solve my insomnia. You can find sound meditation techniques on CZcams.
Two days ago I also watched a video on the 'Purple Ella' CZcams channel titled 'ADHD, Asperger's and Trauma' which explained how we tend to expand our negative experiences in our mind. We need to learn to stop doing this..
I think we have spiraling thoughts when we experience a threat and the brain immobilizes a massive amount of energy through hormones such as dopamine, adrenaline and cortisol to calm us down. We need to learn to stop perceiving things as a threat.
One of the best ways of doing this is also through breathing techniques because our physiology is linked to our mind and helps calm down the massive amount of energy that the brain accumulates.
@@murtazaarif6507 oh! I think I will check that video out, thank you for the recommendation.
Yes I love sound meditation. I really really enjoy Tibetan singing bowls. Certain octaves seem to be more calming than others, since they all change with the size of the bowls.
If you are open to yoga, you should try Trauma Informed Yoga. Hannah Uiris videos on CZcams are great. They are really good at calming down the nervous system…especially because in trauma informed yoga everything is a choice, and it’s left up to you to decide what is best for your body. I was diagnosed with PTSD so this has really helped some of those feelings of dissociation and allowed me to actually build a connection between my mind and my body again.
I honestly think that is why I have recently started to notice I may be suffering from more than just anxiety/depression because I don’t feel numb anymore. I Can finally vocalize and acknowledge what feels “wrong,” I can finally feel things again. Even if those things are deeper issues 😅😂
@@sirenelectric143 It is good to know that you found a way of controlling your PTSD. I am also into meditation through praying and listening to sleep-inducing videos on CZcams. I will check out the Trauma Informed Yoga and Hannah Uiris videos you mentioned.
Just to say I wrote a comment but it has disappeared. Sometimes CZcams does that and then it reappears.
Fingers crossed it reappears!
Did they scan your brain for this diagnosis or did they just go off of what you said to them?
You have to do a series of exhaustive tests, questionaires, interviews, and interview with (usually) a parent in order to receive a diagnosis from a licensed psychologist. My assessment took place over three 1-3 hour session in a month.
50s where?! You look like a fresh faced 19 year old! Rock on girl 🎉
You are not just autistic, you have AuDHD, that is what I have realized, taking bits of ADHD, bits of ASD, mixing it together, is not the same life experience as someone being ASD or ADHD. ASD is order, ADHD is chaos and life is ordered chaos, allowing many of us with AuDHD to kinda work and get overlooked/late diagnosed.
We have to be careful not taking away from people with ASD or ADHD, as they just don't get the same experience we do and the online community is not leaving room for those divergent experience and has hijacked the topics, because we kinda have some part of ASD and ADHD in us, so for some reason we make the good old "white boy autism" mistake all over again and exclude people, because being AuDHD does make it a lot easier to be loud and proud.
I am not sure if my comment will reappear after disappearing on CZcams. I was generally saying that I feel a deep connection when I hear or read the experiences of others like you on the spectrum because we have a unique way of perceiving the world unlike neurotypicals. Regarding emotional upheavals, I have experienced them all my life which makes life difficult and frightening, especially because I have sensory sensitivities and the wider world does not understand my needs. I am sure I have undergone trauma many times which never seems to heal completely.
Yesterday I found out the reason for my anxiety, depression, and emotional pain and why it feels like electricity in my brain after watching a video called ‘ADHD, Autism and Trauma'' on another good CZcams channel called 'Purple Ella’. It explained that when we perceive a threat or danger around us the brains 'Flight and Fright Response System' is triggered by the deepest ancient part of the brain called Amygdala. It accumulates a massive amount of energy in the brain by releasing dopamine, adrenaline, and another hormone which I am struggling to find out right now. If this fails to calm us down, then the Amygdala triggers the release another hormone called cortisol through another part of the brain called hypothalamus and a small organ located under the nose called the petitory gland. While this happens a front part of the brain called pre-frontal cortex controls this mass accumulation of energy like a thermostat by increasing and lowering it. We are conscious when this happens unlike when we are experiencing the threat unconsciously.
The good thing is that we can accumulate and release these hormones by the foods we eat and activities we perform e.g., eating chocolate, popcorn, or crisps, meditating, or taking a bath. Although having too much of it can create problems e.g., I probably enjoy watching horror movies on my own in the dark because I have a lot of another hormone which I cannot remember the name of right now that calms the effect of the release of massive amount of dopamine and adrenaline when I feel frightened, unlike people who do not have enough of this hormone to calm down the effects of dopamine and adrenaline.
Regarding the underrepresentation of coloured people in the community I agree with you. Diane J Wright is the founder of a website that represents coloured people and those that are diagnosed later in life with Asperger's. She was interviewed on another good CZcams channel called 'Asperger's from the Inside' in two videos titled 'Autism & Identity: Rediscovering Ourselves - Diane J. Wright - Autism Explained Online Summit 2021'...and...'Surprise! You're Autistic! Learning about autism in adulthood with Diane J. Wright from Autastic.com'.
You have found Pandora's box
There are 2 medications that affect the Amygdala
Which controls pretty much all of our biology, including the computational power of our imagination
Its an exponential curve of attachment point 0 (oxytocin is released constantly), to driven around the bend in fear )oxytocin is never released , detachment
If your amygdala is permanently driven around the bend in fear/detachment mode you are Autistic, this is the Root
The first drug that affects the Amygdala is cocaine , it activates it and sends the user around the bend in fear, and the person feels hyper and performs better
cocaine makes you autistic temporally, Woo Hoo what a ride !
LSD deactivates the Amygdala and makes the user no longer autistic for the experience _they get a massive dose of oxytocin and feel zero fear (this can change its not dead, it just resets, a command, an anti inflammatory command)
The oxytocin release around people , will teach the Cortex what love is , and for evermore it stops Guessing what attachment feels like
I live permanently 2 doses a day of a micro does of LSD, tiny tiny amounts,
To be autistic , but live not autistic is amazingly good and I FEEL amazing
You should all join me
P.S the hippy revolution was, actually an Autistic evolution,
The Man who made all the LSD was Autistic