Thanks so much for watching and for all the lovely comments!! I want to add one more thing: the examples I used for how negative core beliefs start are both bad-parent-based, but I wanna emphasise and add that negative core beliefs can come from anywhere (school, friends, even good parents). Sorry for any confusion!! Love you all xxx
Mine come from school and an abusive relationship but I still could relate to most of yours. I guess some of those are a bit universal. Makes us feel even more silly for believing them and thinking it's just us who are like this. While so many people we see as inspiring and wonderful might feel same thibgs we discredit ourselves with... Ahh
Clinical psychologist here. Big same 🙃 He breaks down the unhelpful stories aka fake news aka maladaptive core beliefs. Catch it, check it, change it. And mindful hypnosis helps with self saboteurs too!
Yeah! This was my first impression too, and frankly, I don't know why I clicked to watch. Call it destiny. A cheeky tattooed pierced boldie in a room decorated for/by a four-year-old? I'll be damned. And this is a third video in a row, and I nod and nod as I watch.
10 years in therapy, 60k in pshychiatrist and I found my answers here in 10 minutes, this comes to show how much others really want to help you or help themselves. This is why now when I want to know something I go to the people who have the life experience, not a school degree.
Therapy doesn’t help. It validates- it helps soothe maybe in the first session but they don’t teach developing a better life- very frustrating and is why people lose hope.
true. the drugs helped to stabilize my chemical unbalance , but theres no pill for the soul, only Jesus heals, comforts, saves and teaches you how to live a richer life . ☺@@SS-in1ts
@@SS-in1ts This is my experience as well. I won't say that therapy doesn't help, but the constant repetition of what was wrong was more harmful than healing in my opinion. It is just helpful for validation, but not helpful for releasing
I HATE how much a struggle with this. 10 years of therapy on and off and I think you may have just helped more with this than any of them have. Thank you
"These are awful things to say to anybody, and yet we say them to ourselves everyday. If you were somebody that you loved, you'd take yourself out to dinner, pump your body with sunshine instead of drugs, and forgive yourself for all your mistakes." I want to frame this.
Professional self saboteur here, this is so on point. Wish I had realized all of this much sooner, before I had built up and wrecked my life multiple times but at 43 I’m finally getting it. It’s never too late.
Hello, after 2 years, can you update on your journey please ? I hope you did not give up on self love and self care, but please, if you answer, be as honest as possible. I would appreciate it a lot if you took the time to do so, if you don’t want to, I’ll completely understand.
I am grateful for this video. Dysfunctional parents are really not a joke. Many humans make very poor choices due to a Dysfunctional childhood. This does not excuse negative behavior, we are all in control of our own lives, however events can add up to a mountain and not a molehill. I laughed, I cried, I learned a little about myself. EXCELLENT!
I just realised this is the reason why I don't journal, I don't start all the projects I have thought about, I only buy art materials but don't actually use them. I and everyone will know I have a big, ugly, wobbly head. 🤷♀️
i have self sabotaged my whole life, but it all came to a head in September last year when i left everything i knew and loved (my fiance, my job, my home) to move to Adelaide and start anew. i literally didnt believe i deserved the happiness and stability that was occurring. i'm now back with my partner and trying to fix the damages that i've done.
I selfsabotaged a relationship and an internship, I can’t fix it and I know I hurt him even if now he has forgotten me. I don’t know what I want to do now that I destroy all the things and people I care about. I’m self sabotaging my friendships now… I know all of this comes from my childhood but I’m completely lost 😅
6:16 i just wanted to give you a gigantic hug. For you, and for me… Thank you for all that you do. You really are putting some warmth back into people’s hearts (mine included) 🥺💛
I use to feel like I had a drill sergeant in my head, and it hated my ever-loving guts. Nothing I did was good enough and I was nothing but lazy, selfish, and unreliable. I started applying step 5 four years ago, and it has literally changed my life. Instead of a drill sergeant, I have a coach/cheerleader egging me on: challenging my assumptions, encouraging me to try new things, and daring me to push my limits. I started college a decade after graduating high school, and now I'm in my Junior year of college, studying computer science, with a 3.75 gpa. I am nothing like the person I thought I was.
Congratulations! It's awesome that you made the transition. I'm an old guy and have to say, you all are very lucky for the internet so that you can understand this stuff. I underwent significant narcissistic abuse from childhood forward and could not fully understand it until reading/watching testimonials of others few years ago. It's still impossible to explain to anyone whose not been through it, but it's helped me a lot just to know where all the 'crazy' came from. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous, I'm happy for you and that the vicious circle might finally get short circuited. Peace and love to you.
I've been to a few therapies and I know my issues inside out, but this is maybe the first time ever I've come across actual practical advice on how to address the ongoing voice of my inner critic AND how to change the narrative. Thank you so much. I only wish I'd stumbled upon this sooner.
I know! I'm so tired of those videos that are like "take deep breaths, meditate, drink more water, etc. etc and yOu wiLl be hAppY!" Instead, these videos are so genuine and actually engage you in the healing process instead of just telling you what to do.
I am an HSP (a highly sensitive person). It's second nature to me to read even the smallest expressions of those around me. As a child I was around my parents the most. Both my parents have always treated me like an adult. Almost all my life I've been dependable, and solved my problems on my own. So they never really had to be parents to a "child" even though I was one. My dad is a good person, he just didn't know how to be a parent. He is a highly critical person. When I was younger he'd treat me like one of his employees or as someone other his child. He would expect perfection and the clarity of thought from me that even most adults don't have. "I couldn't make mistakes or he wouldn't like me. I'm not a capable person. I'm lazy. I not smart." "I'm not smart." His critical comments that were aimed at making me better were really what was holding me back all my life. After seeing your video I can tell that these thoughts were just the "child" mirror that I saw myself through. I was almost afraid of being around my dad for fear that he's gonna hurt my self worth. I knew that even as a kid. As I grew bigger I was less afraid and more avoidant. I've always been a good student but I never felt that I deserved that. I never felt like I deserved the good things that I worked really hard for. Because my mind had become a critic like my father. Because no one had complimented me as a child. We used to live in a joint family with two of my cousin brothers being raised with me. They weren't any good at studies (but they had their own talents). So it was like they needed more encouragement. And everyone just kind of assumed that I didn't need encouragement and that I could be treated as an adult. Fast forward 10 years throughout which I had a very poor sense of identity. I didn't even know that I was introverted. I didn't know my likes and dislikes. I had always sort of accommodated myself to take what was leftover. Or like what everyone else at home liked. I always thought in terms of others. And generally didn't even know that I was miserable. When I turned 18, things started to change when I decided to move to another city for college. I decided to prove to myself that I am capable, I'm not lazy, I am among the smartest people I know, and I can make mistakes. It was a horrible year. I was constantly conflicted between reality and the image that I had of myself. And then covid happened so I moved back home. That's when I realised that I like living alone. And I like to be by myself. I need people but very few and far between. This was a life changing realisation. I stopped putting pressure on myself to socialize. I realised that I'm a people pleaser with no boundaries. I learnt to build boundaries. I learnt to be firm. I learnt that if I don't treat myself with respect, no else will. So I told my parents about my introversion. And they were surprised because I talk a lot to my mom. But then they started to see that I really was an introvert. And they changed their behaviour so as to not push me to meet people all the time. They started giving me more alone time. I also learnt how to deal with the fact that my dad is a critic. I sat him down once and told him about how I felt when he criticised me. That took so much courage. And since then we've had a better relationship. Now I'm in a healthier mindset than before. I am trying to learn that I deserve all the goods things that come to my in life. Even though I self sabotage all the time. I had actually started healing myself before I saw this AMAZING video. But seeing this has given me so much more clarity. And has made my struggle so real. I accepted a long time ago that I have the tendency to self sabotage, I didn't how to stop it. Now I know. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing your story! My father is similar. I'm glad you're doing better and building yourself up and growing in confidence. You truly deserve it, we all do!
Beautifully articulated. It felt like someone was narrating my story and am happy for you that you made such a massive change and at such a better place than before. Once again thanks coz I couldn't possibly describe how much it helped me🍁
"I always thought in terms of others" - that hit so hard. I relate to your story so much. Thank you so much for sharing! I'm so glad you're healing through all of that. It takes a lot of strength and determination it to do so. I hope you're doing well!
Thanks Khushi for sharing your story, I can totally relate to this. Except in my case it was my mother who was extremely critical and constantly shifting the goalpost to bigger & bigger achievements. The part about being in conflict with the real amazing capable self & distorted reality hit really hard for me. Takes a lot of courage to share your story with vulnerability in detail. Thank you, hope you're healing & accepting your real self more every day
I cried when I heard your 'list'. I cried for the child that had to bear all that horror and abuse. Then, I realised that I was crying, not only for that little boy, but also for the little girl that I had been.
you're not alone Zoe Hope and I'm sending that little girl you once were a big hug and congratulating the adult you are for having the courage to admit this! 💕💕
This video helped me realize why I procrastinate so much. I was writing the list of positive experience with the negative feelings and noticed that it all revolved around my confidence in the work that I do and then it hit me hard. I always start to procrastinate when I am about to finish something that I am working on and always either don’t finish or finish WAY after the deadline. I always thought of myself as lazy... But the reason I do that is because I am so freaking terrified that the work that I am doing is shit and nobody is going to like it and then that makes me want to give up. 🤯🤯🤯 I have never realized that until now! You are truly amazing. Thank you so much for these videos! ❤️
Hi, you've expressed very well how I've felt for the bulk of my life. Last year I hit Sixty and I'm actually getting my shit together, now I'm sixty-one and even though being through covid I'm remaining positive and on track to build on what I've already learned. Your best piece is #5 treat yourself as someone you love, which I now do in abundance;-) Cheers, dude...
Recently told a friend “yea I get paid to draw pictures and I was even able to buy a house on my income alone but if any legit artists saw my stuff or heard of my job they’d think it was trash.” And maybe they would but maybe they’re assholes and maybe it’s ok to be proud of myself
Kevin, that house represents your talent and hard work. No one is going to pay you enough to buy a house if you weren't talented. You need to recognize who you are as an artist and a person. That recognition in yourself will give you the confidence in your work and in other areas of your life. It certainly doesn't mean you will turn into an arrogant dick. While it is nice to get compliments from others, those don't mean much in comparison to what you think of yourself as both an artist and a person. Continued success to you Kevin.
You laid out plainly what I have discussed with a talk therapist AND a shrink ad nauseum for DECADES. Thank you. Your clarity is profound. I get more out of meditation, breathwork, and CZcams content than I ever did from paid professionals. Maybe it’s really down to timing. Those professionals really did help me with a lot of important growth. This was the one thing neither could adequately address. I appreciate you.
I started watching this while fighting the responsibility to start the day with so much anxiety and dread, and wow I’m speechless.. you literally turned my day around. If I heard one of your videos every morning I would love it! You should consider doing a podcast! Thanks for your work! Lots of love! ❤️✌️
I cried from the start to the end of this video. The way you discuss about these painful themes really show up how deep you're going to fight, manage and understand them. Thanks for this amazing content!
Your content is way more insightful and uplifting than all the sessions I had with my therapist and self help books I've read. I'm entering a new chapter in my life and your videos really help me go through it, with a better mindset.
I sorta came from an opposite situation where I was labeled as a "gifted child" and I have extremely supportive parents, but they were really trying to keep me from feeling like a failure on those few times I slipped up when I was young. And as an adult I really struggle with feeling like a failure because I'm not where I want to be or even completely on the right track. And I worry because I've put my happiness on trying to get the right job, and that I won't let myself be happy until I achieve that, and that if I do get that job, I worry that I won't feel like it's enough.
OMG same! I was also labelled a "gifted child" and my parents, my family and my teachers had very high expectations from me. Now I can't stand failure. I quit as soon as I find a task difficult. I tend to link my worth to my job and how well I do it. So I'm constantly anxious and unsatisfied, especially for the things that relate to jobs and career. I am working on that but it's very difficult.
I cried so much watching this video! Today I just realized I’m self sabotaging when my therapist told me she felt it on me and I came to youtube to learn more about it. I’m glad I’ve found you and identified myself in this. I feel a deep relief from something I keep inside since my childhood. And it’s just the beginning. Thank you so much for sharing.
This guy has helped me more than my therapist... absolutely love your style - makes your videos super relatable and, importantly, actionable. Keep it up man!
Isn’t it frustrating how much easier it is to be kind to other people? I’ve always been called the “painfully positive” person in the lives of those around me, and yet for a long time, nobody knew how I was sadly feeling. Thank you for sharing how you personally work to combat these feelings of self sabotage and negativity. Your personal journey in any number of ways, is very inspiring. Even though we’re complete strangers, I’m very proud of you. Thank you for putting more good into the world just by being yourself.
Your comment really hit me hard. I'm also the "extremely positive" person in my friend group and just 2 days ago I missed an online meetup for the 3rd time. I was late because I was helping an older neighbor sort out some finances. But actually, I was unhappy and insecure about the meetup. Pretty sure the topic will come around to some things I don't want to talk about ("Hey how's your life going now?", etc) so I found a reason to 'miss' the meeting. So I basically...stood up 6 other busy adults who love me and were likely to want to hear good news about my life but the stress of *knowing* that meant that I chose to just...not do it. Wasn't until this vid that I really understood what I'd done, and what I'd been doing all my life. Something makes me unhappy or uncomfortable and I screw up so that I can avoid it, no matter what that screw up ends up being. In my case, it runs the gamut from "Oh I was late to work (promotion meeting) because I stopped to help a stray and take it to the shelter but now I have dog hairs all on my suit so I needed to go back home and change." all the way to "I have a thing to do in the morning bright and early but I find myself on CZcams at 4am watching a random recommend of Struthless' vid about self-sabotage...oh...OH!! I see it now" 💡😲 It IS easier to be kind to other people, and In my case, a part of that was that I could use "helping others" as my excuse for blowing up my own life. And now I need to go to bed cuz I have to wake up in 4 hours 😣
@@cuterpooter Firstly, I hope you’re doing alright and are getting sleep tonight. Going about life on such little sleep makes the stress and anxiety so much worse, at least for me. :( I completely understand you, but please know that your friends love you and won’t fault you for your struggle. I know that I certainly wouldn’t! You sound like an awesome person, so I hope that you can treat yourself with as much attentiveness and kindness as you obviously do others.
Oh same :c. I might not be considered positive but very rational, people come to me with important decisions, personal conflicts, mediating etc. Because I can look objectively and make sound judgement that will maximise happiness of everyone involved. Yet I make most dumbass self sabotaging decisions when it comes to my own life, ruin my relationships because I'm terrified of them getting even better. Man... It's... Almost hilarious.
@@Noelciaaa Well, we all make mistakes, but that doesn’t mean that you’re a dumbass. Far from it. I get you, having the potential for something to be better also leaves us open for even greater potential for disappointment. Be patient with yourself, though. There’s no timeline you need to follow. You will grow, and see that you are deserving of those incredible relationships, regardless of what type they are. You’ll see that you can be rational with yourself, just as you have so many others in your life, all the while being kind and loving to yourself. :) One day at a time, Kat. I believe in you.
Just found the channel. I turned 30 in January I’ve spent my 20s in self sabotage,addiction etc. it’s great not to feel alone in my “late start” good stuff bro
Thank you, man! This video hit uncomfortably close to home personally, and I just wanted to tell you how much it helped me to start thinking about some of my own shit. And also that it is very generous of you for being so open and humble with your own process. But more than that, this video was just a master class in communication! You managed to unpack several complex psychosocial behaviours, and give practical advice on how to identify and try and change them, all in under 11 minutes! So, thanks for making the video! I'm pretty new to your stuff. You used to draw Simpsons-characters but now you are an Oz Tony Robbins? You seem like an amazing weirdo and a cool human, keep practicing that self-love. You deserve it.
I love how you get into the psychology of beliefs built as a childhood. Mental health unfortunately is not taught in schools 😳 I can definitely relate with the cycle of self sabotage. I have been trying to get my art career going for 4 years and I have definitely found I am my biggest enemy. I have found way too often I progress or reach a goal I find a reason or let others around me that are negative bring me down. Thanks for posting this and reminding me Im not alone on this.
Man, imagine if it were though.... mental health would be a fantastic thing to teach from a young age I totally feel you with trying to get an art career going. I’ve been renting a studio for over a year now and I’ve made like 5 small artworks and sold none of them 😬 I hate that I’ve wasted so much money on rent but I can’t think about it. I just have to move forward and try to be a little creative every day
@@ohrats731 I definitely think the benefit of teaching mental health would solve a lot of problems we have in society! That’s awful to put work in and not sell any work! I found selling traditional art is especially tricky and that’s why many sell art through galleries. If you don’t mint me asking how do you get exposure for your art?
I feel both of these comments! I have been making art for two years on the side and still really struggle to make sales sometimes because I tell myself that nobody looks at my Instagram so why bother! What Struthless is talking about is a form of schema therapy which not many psychologists know about, but if they do it’s incredibly valuable. I am going through it with my psych and it’s taking ages but I am making slow progress. I just need to keep reminding myself to just create and I will find my tribe through the process
@@STICKYArt oh I never saw a notification for your reply but I got a random “someone liked your comment” notification and here I am again lol The problem with me not selling my art is really like 99% that I don’t feel like it’s worth selling. I don’t put it out there because I haven’t finished it and I don’t finish it because it’s not good and blah blah lol. Definitely a case of self-sabotage 😅
@@ohrats731 I do the same with mine... I asked myself" are you afraid to fail or are you afraid you'll succeed"?.. I was blessed with many talents . And have sold many things, but I under sell myself..
thank you. i never understood why i find it so satisfying to fuck everything up for myself. quitting jobs, revenge trades, being hostile, destroying my stuff. have been like that all my life, and i have a hard time seeing it come to an end
Yet another amazing video. That last tip really struck a cord with me. Treat yourself as you would treat someone else. Something so simple and logical, yet it never occurred to me... as a person who constantly beats myself up, hearing my oldest child talk negatively about themselves is absolutely heart-wrenching. My response has always been, "Don't you dare talk about yourself that way. I would never let anyone talk badly about you, and you are no exception." Now, if only I could take my own advice.
I know this is corny af but I literally started crying when you said that those things are far too cruel to be said to anyone, let alone ourselves. Sometimes, our view of ourselves is so distorted that we lose touch with the idea that we deserve affirmation from our own selves. Thank you for this video, it comes at the right time. I will try your strategy and hopefully, it will help free me a bit
You literally just did CBT over the internet. Only recently found your channel, and instantly am enamored with it. Real talk, straight facts. Cheers man.
Hot damn, this is some great advice. I'm broadly aware of my negative self-sabotaging thinking, but I have a lot of trouble with knowing what's real. Structuring things like this and writing them down is something I'll try. I probably give way too much focus towards the negative evidence, and if I were to transcribe all of that onto paper, I'd just be writing down the same sentence thousands of times. Writing it down once will help me see it for what it is - a possibility, but just one of them.
I stumbled across your blog as I was delaying moving forward with something I needed to complete and everything you said I resonated with. Love your no frills practical approach and your honesty.
aaaa thank you, timing couldn't be more perfect. I'm today years old (almost 29) when I realized that my childhood wasn't as good as I always wanted to think. Many of my insecurities come from there and I spoke to my brother how I've wanted to publish my comics and art for almost 10 years but I leave everything unfinished and think that there is no point to continue bc I'm not good enough, though I somehow know it's not true. F THIS, time to finish what I've started. Thank you!
Please, do it! The world needs you, we need your comics, we need your talent, dont keep it for yourself... Give it a try, share it, there is nothing to lose... Trust me! Have a great day! July :)))
You are more relatable than you think & it’s perfectly normal to give yourself a corny compliment. If everyone really sat down & took their thoughts out of their heads onto paper & started to tackle the lies that they’ve been told & believe, they could crack that shell open just a bit, to start being free in a new life of their actual truth. Your drawings are AMAZING but your talks are a breakthrough for a lot of your viewers. You are appreciated & are here to break out of your shell to help others do the same. Nobody wants to have claustrophobia of the mind anymore! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Relate to this a heap. Noticed that around 9 months is my cutoff time for jobs too. I find after about 9 months at a place, I've learnt the majority of things I need to know to do the job to the best of my abilities, I've got to know my colleagues as much as I'd care to, and the job & workplace becomes stale and boring. I would usually quit at around this time to pursue something new and exciting, but in the instances where I've stuck at it and tried to ignore the yearning for something different, it's taken me to pretty dark places. Fortunately now I've managed to get into a position where I work for myself, so there is no limitations to what I can learn or do, and I have no colleagues so I don't get driven insane by the same conversations about the weather. There are obviously cons to this new work life, but I definitely am a lot happier overall.
this is so inspiring to see you work for yourself now! I really relate with what you said that after 9 months you feel like you can do the job well and it gets boring.
Six months used to be my limit.. my last job was almost 3 years before I hit the (very low) ceiling due to office politics *cough*auspost bullshit*cough* Cracked the shits, told my manager i needed a couple of days for a mental health break and jumped on seek to see what was out there in the middle of a pandemic and recession. Stumbled across a software startup that needed a new hire in a hugely variable role - put in the application on a whim and I've been there for three months now and have only scratched the surface of things to do, policies to refine, training procedures that my manager and I are continually improving and a whole new industry that I'm only now starting to understand. Boredom for people with ADHD is the equivalent of kryptonite for superman. Sure, I work a lot harder and more hours now but I have the satisfaction of knowing what I do is making an impact- I'm not a number, I'm one of 5 employees and my hard work has been rewarded with a 3.5% raise after I'd finished 2 months (of my 6 month probationary period) with the business.
Sammmeee I might be the queen of self-sabotage. I've had so many opportunities to be some kind of success that I let fall through because I am constantly at odds with myself and often too weak to push down the negative energy. I quit my well paying job to move to Japan to do what all who knows. You boosted me a bunch when I was making videos again, but I've given up because I don't know how to manage my time and energy with all the things I want to do... so many things. But I really want to try doing this because I really need to make sure to remind myself that I'm not a terrible person. Not really. Even if I think I am sometimes.
Bro. This so so real, so awesome. And shows all the work you've done on yourself. And I'm so proud of you, and literally everyone that is watching this video. Way to break down the hard truths.
sometimes I call myself names and my partner says to me “Hey! Don’t say that about the person I love!” It really helps 😊👍 Thanks struthless. This is all good advice
I say the same to my girlfriend cause she's terrible for beating herself up. But then I can in the same breath be incredibly cruel to myself. It's tough, I get you.
I agree - my husband always says he's useless and it hurts me every time he says it, because he's saying it to the person I love. But I also insult myself for things I can't control too, which he tries to help me with.
"You believe you don't deserve success." That is the exact sentence that hit home, and it shattered me into a crying heap that I was not expecting 2 seconds before. Why the f*ck are so bloody right about one o the core believes of my world and why the f*ck did I have to find this out by a youtube video. And why do I relate to such a deep level.
It’s been 22 freaking painful years of me trying to understand and some how explain to people around me why I ruin my own life. But I never ever had an answer. I just did and when my loved ones would ask why I could only reply with I don’t really know. I have been searching for my why for sooooo long I got tired. Thank you so much!! It feels as if a light bulb just turned on and I could finally see. I’ll practice every suggestion and hopefully will get out of this rut. I have been drowning and suffocating for too long. You have no idea what your video just did for me I’m grateful and glad that I found this. Side note: love your sense of humour 👌
I really needed to hear this message today my life is going better in my artistic fields than it ever has before and I’m freaking out and scared that I might actually start succeeding thank you for everything you do you genuinely help people I am 1
Your comment on not telling a kid that their good school work is a fluke hit me deep as that's pretty much exactly what I was told when I was small - either a fluke or that it was because I'd gotten help on homework. It really messed with my head.
Each time when I lose weight I tended to think “I don’t deserve it” and start eating junk food and stop workout hard. And.. when I gained weight I will eat healthy and workout. The loop never ends..
I have just recently discovered your channel, and I'm so grateful for it. Your videos and guidelines and journaling exercises are helping me so much. And, for the first time, after a long time I finally start accepting myself and working on myself without being judgy or negative about it. So honestly I just wanted to thank you so much!
Link this video every time someone says “just love yourself” because everyone struggles with that and this actually tells you HOW unlike every other fit girl insta post I’ve seen talking about self love.
I have a suspicion that those "fit girl insta posts" aren't really meant to be _helpful_ inasmuch, and are more of a self-promotion thing than a resource for the bedeviled. But this person seems to have helping as their first priority, even when it comes with risk (like being vulnerable). The vulnerability someone shows can be a good indicator of their intentions, I think.
Love your videos man. You've helped me a lot in figuring out some of the stupid stuff I've picked up over the years. Truly don't believe I would make the progress I have without you. You are invaluable. Much love!
you spoke the truth of so many of us! it touched me to the core. Thanks for making this video man! it really encouraged me to start writing to get rid of this self-sabotaging behavior!
For someone that’s been brought up where my own family members constantly insults and looks down on my artwork which caused me to stop drawing for two years, this video definitely helps a lot to keep me inspired ! I just started getting back to animating and art recently so this keeps me motivated ~ thanks a lot!
That’s it! Keep going! It’s so hard to get rid of those voices. I’m an artist too and I really understand what a huge role other people and self perception plays in the creative process. It’s very hard to unlearn, but you’re not alone!
Dude I gotta say you have the best blend of compassion, cornyness and self awareness in these types of videos on serious topics. I learn something in every single one. And thanks for helping break the stigma that guys can't have feelings or if he does it means he's weak. It takes a lot of strength to honest to yourself. Hope you're keeping well in these crazy times ❤
Wow, I'm so glad I've found your channel. You give a lot of answers to the questions I've been afraid to ask myself. Your explanations are very much on point! I don't understand how for so many self-help channels it's not obvious that childhood is a key to understanding your patterns and self-believes.
thank you so much for this video -- loved the column writing and #5 treat yourself as someone you love, amazing stuff! recently stumbled across your channel and i love it; i think you're one of the first self-help content makers I've been able to take seriously -- really appreciate your humour, the practical, actionable tips, the animations / transitions / subtitles etc., the positive & honest & perfect mix of emotional and rational / idealistic and down-to-earth vibes of you & your videos!! you ARE great at your job and people connect to what you say and definitely weirdos need weirdos. i think growing up made me realise most people are actually much weirder than they seem at the start, so maybe those who are normal are the weird ones ;D
The timing of this video being released two days before my last mental breakdown (yesterday) is honestly very appreciated. I'm a writer and I've been struggling with self-sabotage for years. The issue is not helped by the fact I'm considered a genius and so people expect outstanding performances for me in a vast area of fields. Yesterday, I received excellent news about one of my projects: I'm to be published by a French publisher for the first time in a few months. I should be over the moon, but it's just... not it. I feel like I'm late (even though I'm only 23) and like I don't deserve it/won't be able to do the work asked of me. I feel like the big book series I'm planning on starting in November won't work out because I'll quit, and this is the project of my life. So thank you. With the stuff you said in your video, I might be able to break the cycle.
Ah I relate to this so much. Recently I was offered my dream project but instead of making me proud, happy and excited, it made me stressed and anxious because I didn't feel ready or worthy or like I was able to create the work.
Making a book and honestly, same, sometimes I'd think its not worth making it because no one will bother buying it, and perhaps that's true, but not because its not worth it, you are lucky lots of stuff in the art world is VERY underrated. After watching this vid I thought, what if one person ONE buys it and helps them? it'd be all worth it
I feel like once I stopped being cynical in my mind, I started building a better world in my mind. Thanks for sharing this, Struthless. You're a winner in my book.
While I was watching this I started to feel sick, it's like my inner negative self is feeling attacked and wanted to fight back. I also felt like I wanted to cry, like I know I have to deal with this and I know I can but the fight back is really hard. I wish there was an easy way to do this but this video is a great start and thank you for sharing it.
You are nothing short of AMAZING. Thank you for sharing your testimony and vulnerabilities to help others reach their full potential. There are a lot of amazing people out there hiding themselves from the world. You are helping them come forward and making the world a better place with this channel. ❤
God, I cried so hard, as hard as I relate myself with what you share in this video. Thank you so much for letting me know there’s someone out there that faces the similar situation. Thank you.
I struggle a lot with this too. This is gonna sound really odd, but when I'm having a particularly difficult time, a coping method I use is imagining holding myself as a baby. It's so much easier to break negative thought patterns when envisioning your child self, vulnerable and deserving of kindness and love. You recognise you would never speak to this child the way you speak to yourself, yet that child is you. Take care of yourselves, everyone
I enjoyed and loved many of your videos and this one is such a gem too! Thank you for sharing what you've struggled with, learned and practice in such an open, shame free way. Pretty sure the whole wide world needs more of this and your contribution is seen and appreciated 100%!! Have a wonderful day! ☀
This made me cry a little cause I don't really treat myself the best and the way you talked about how you should treat yourself as you would treat someone you love resonated with me and made me think that I can do better for myself. Thank you for making these kinds of videos for people. It's always nice to know you're not alone and the more videos there are like this one the better cause even if one has heard this in a similar way a number of times before it doesn't hurt as a reminder and it could be that a this telling from a different perspective/person could be the one that really clicks if others haven't already, or reinforce that narrative from other times even more.
This video couldn't have come at a better time in my life. I've had such anxiety lately about an upcoming relocation and job change, and everything he was mentioning about himself is exactly how I feel. I'm going to reference this video often. Thank you Stuthless for the video. It's made me feel better.
I love your videos & they’ve already made a difference in my life! I relate to your content & struggles so much. Thank you for always being vulnerable with us!
Your content is some of the most honest, kind, interesting, relatable, vulnerable and authentic that I’ve encountered on the internet in a very long time. Cheers, man, keep it up.
This is a f***ing bullseye for me .. thank you so much for sharing your story and how you identified the self sabotage beliefs and how to walk through the river to the other side .. much gratitude 🙏🏻
I'd like to add, its not just that weirdos need weirdos, its also that when these weirdos have the courage to be vulnerable and honest about their issues it gives: 1. others the courage to face their own issues 2. its put in a language they can understand 3. gives them a sense of connection (its not only me dealing with this sh*t) 4. creates respect for the their fellow weirdo talking about their issues... and you, struthless, are one I have come to respect for your bravery and wisdom... I hope you believe all the good things said about you in these comments :)
Never watched your videos before but just came across this and at such an ironic time! Being put back on a new medication and told I should try therapy again.... nothing being explained etc but this video is literally way better than doctors and therapists! Providing help for all us with too much anxiety to face people / just want to try ‘self help’. If I could throw billions of likes and support on this video I would!! Also had to replay a few parts for a laugh at how true! Especially around 10 mins in. Best thing I’ve watched on CZcams ever tbh! Rate you.
Honestly so glad I found this video. I’ve been going through a hard time and decided to sit down and really try this (took hours, didn’t think it would be this hard or take this long) but I actually feel like my mind is calming down a little bit after days of pure misery. Thanks for making this video!
Wow, I was just chastising myself this morning for having made absolutely no progress on my project. I mean, this is a really important project for me, and I have done NOTHING! And this video just popped right up when I came to CZcams as if the universe was screaming at me to hurry up and get busy! Thanks, Struthless!
I needed to watch this soooo bad. I think I've been watching you for 3 or 4 years ,starting on facey and following you over to CZcams, your videos and content has such a great array of "the feels". How to go bald in your 20s had myself and a lot of friends rolling on the floor. This video has me really reflecting on something I know I, and probably a lot of people, secretly struggle with. Kudos Struthless, whether it's a funny social commentry (vegan for the pingas 😂) or a deep reflection like this you've kept us engaged. Thanks for the videos 🙂🤗
Thanks so much for watching and for all the lovely comments!! I want to add one more thing: the examples I used for how negative core beliefs start are both bad-parent-based, but I wanna emphasise and add that negative core beliefs can come from anywhere (school, friends, even good parents). Sorry for any confusion!! Love you all xxx
I am having a gorgeous day. Xo. Sending some spare vibes from Victoria.
Thank you so damn much for these videos, you’ve helped me more than you know. Sending great sunny vibes!
Mine come from school and an abusive relationship but I still could relate to most of yours. I guess some of those are a bit universal. Makes us feel even more silly for believing them and thinking it's just us who are like this. While so many people we see as inspiring and wonderful might feel same thibgs we discredit ourselves with... Ahh
Didn’t see this comment before adding mins. Spot on can come from anywhere 👍🏻☺️
I wish I could tell you how helpful and spooky-timed this video was. Thank you.
When you're a qualified therapist who started watching Struthless for entertainment but now watches for professional development
He’s essentially talking about Schema Therapy, but in an easy to understand way 😂
I 100% feel you - he's got me in tears and writing a professional article on psychotherapy, too.
Oh my gawd same
Clinical psychologist here. Big same 🙃
He breaks down the unhelpful stories aka fake news aka maladaptive core beliefs.
Catch it, check it, change it. And mindful hypnosis helps with self saboteurs too!
@@DrLizListens love the idea of calling it fake news
“The bald tattooed man on the internet made me do it” is my go to excuse for all things from now on.
You can clearly see his "role model" tattoo, he has to be legit.
Yes! This man and Gary V
@@MrGreenAKAguci00 That was commitment to becoming a role model !
Yeah! This was my first impression too, and frankly, I don't know why I clicked to watch. Call it destiny. A cheeky tattooed pierced boldie in a room decorated for/by a four-year-old? I'll be damned. And this is a third video in a row, and I nod and nod as I watch.
That part! 😆 I like this guy, makes me laugh.
As a person who was mostly done with writing a novel but had to stop to get a marketing degree I feel called out
What is your novel about?
Please finish your novel, you deserve it! ❤
I wish you finish what you need ❤
Hi Alexis, did you get to finish your novel?
10 years in therapy, 60k in pshychiatrist and I found my answers here in 10 minutes, this comes to show how much others really want to help you or help themselves. This is why now when I want to know something I go to the people who have the life experience, not a school degree.
Wish you the best!
That is why I don't like therapists
Therapy doesn’t help. It validates- it helps soothe maybe in the first session but they don’t teach developing a better life- very frustrating and is why people lose hope.
true. the drugs helped to stabilize my chemical unbalance , but theres no pill for the soul, only Jesus heals, comforts, saves and teaches you how to live a richer life . ☺@@SS-in1ts
@@SS-in1ts This is my experience as well. I won't say that therapy doesn't help, but the constant repetition of what was wrong was more harmful than healing in my opinion. It is just helpful for validation, but not helpful for releasing
This video could not have come at a better time.
You read my mind
I HATE how much a struggle with this. 10 years of therapy on and off and I think you may have just helped more with this than any of them have. Thank you
fr fr fr
❤️❤️❤️
Indeed
"These are awful things to say to anybody, and yet we say them to ourselves everyday. If you were somebody that you loved, you'd take yourself out to dinner, pump your body with sunshine instead of drugs, and forgive yourself for all your mistakes."
I want to frame this.
😭😭
❤️
When I gave this further thought I started crying because it makes so much sense. Just amazing❤️
It's very odd that negative self-talk bombards me when I shower each morning. Imagine starting your day off like that. I need to stop this nonsense
Professional self saboteur here, this is so on point. Wish I had realized all of this much sooner, before I had built up and wrecked my life multiple times but at 43 I’m finally getting it. It’s never too late.
Hello, after 2 years, can you update on your journey please ?
I hope you did not give up on self love and self care, but please, if you answer, be as honest as possible. I would appreciate it a lot if you took the time to do so, if you don’t want to, I’ll completely understand.
I’m 39 and want to get there
I am grateful for this video. Dysfunctional parents are really not a joke. Many humans make very poor choices due to a Dysfunctional childhood. This does not excuse negative behavior, we are all in control of our own lives, however events can add up to a mountain and not a molehill.
I laughed, I cried, I learned a little about myself. EXCELLENT!
“Self sabotage can be triggered by positivity!”
Just knowing this is true is a great reminder to look out for it when it’s happening!
Great videos,I am a 62 year old lady in the UK, and you are never too old to learn new truths about yourself.
Can you explain this to me in a little more depth?
@@traciking5835 For example: people telling you to "be happy!" all the time might be covering over feeling real emotions
@@VJFranzK nice example but I'm following this thread so I could know it in a bit more depth
So scary to know that...makes me feel a little helpless
I just realised this is the reason why I don't journal, I don't start all the projects I have thought about, I only buy art materials but don't actually use them. I and everyone will know I have a big, ugly, wobbly head. 🤷♀️
"I only buy art materials but dont actually use them." Stop calling me out like that...
@@siddiqsmouse5004 yeah, they didn't need to attack us like this! My soul! Ouch!!
@@siddiqsmouse5004 We need to sue for damages!
Jeez this cut to the bone
Can't even bring myself to use the cheap stuff that I got specifically to be a confidence booster.
i have self sabotaged my whole life, but it all came to a head in September last year when i left everything i knew and loved (my fiance, my job, my home) to move to Adelaide and start anew. i literally didnt believe i deserved the happiness and stability that was occurring. i'm now back with my partner and trying to fix the damages that i've done.
I selfsabotaged a relationship and an internship, I can’t fix it and I know I hurt him even if now he has forgotten me. I don’t know what I want to do now that I destroy all the things and people I care about. I’m self sabotaging my friendships now… I know all of this comes from my childhood but I’m completely lost 😅
Maybe what you needed was leaving at the time. I get it I want to leave things and people to. I get that. Did you have fun while you were away?
6:16 i just wanted to give you a gigantic hug. For you, and for me…
Thank you for all that you do. You really are putting some warmth back into people’s hearts (mine included) 🥺💛
same! he's helping us all so much✨💚
Same! I’m so grateful for finding this channel :)
I use to feel like I had a drill sergeant in my head, and it hated my ever-loving guts. Nothing I did was good enough and I was nothing but lazy, selfish, and unreliable. I started applying step 5 four years ago, and it has literally changed my life. Instead of a drill sergeant, I have a coach/cheerleader egging me on: challenging my assumptions, encouraging me to try new things, and daring me to push my limits. I started college a decade after graduating high school, and now I'm in my Junior year of college, studying computer science, with a 3.75 gpa. I am nothing like the person I thought I was.
Thanks for sharing! It's very inspiring.
That's beautiful.
Go B! You gat it! You can do it!
@@hebronwatson9532 Thank you 😁
Congratulations! It's awesome that you made the transition.
I'm an old guy and have to say, you all are very lucky for the internet so that you can understand this stuff. I underwent significant narcissistic abuse from childhood forward and could not fully understand it until reading/watching testimonials of others few years ago. It's still impossible to explain to anyone whose not been through it, but it's helped me a lot just to know where all the 'crazy' came from.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous, I'm happy for you and that the vicious circle might finally get short circuited. Peace and love to you.
"I feel like she loves a fake me"
Ooof, that hits too close bro
Well shit
same
I've been to a few therapies and I know my issues inside out, but this is maybe the first time ever I've come across actual practical advice on how to address the ongoing voice of my inner critic AND how to change the narrative. Thank you so much. I only wish I'd stumbled upon this sooner.
Probably Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a good fit for you
I know! I'm so tired of those videos that are like "take deep breaths, meditate, drink more water, etc. etc and yOu wiLl be hAppY!" Instead, these videos are so genuine and actually engage you in the healing process instead of just telling you what to do.
@@l.n.4055 ugh Ikr
I am an HSP (a highly sensitive person). It's second nature to me to read even the smallest expressions of those around me. As a child I was around my parents the most. Both my parents have always treated me like an adult. Almost all my life I've been dependable, and solved my problems on my own. So they never really had to be parents to a "child" even though I was one. My dad is a good person, he just didn't know how to be a parent. He is a highly critical person. When I was younger he'd treat me like one of his employees or as someone other his child. He would expect perfection and the clarity of thought from me that even most adults don't have. "I couldn't make mistakes or he wouldn't like me. I'm not a capable person. I'm lazy. I not smart."
"I'm not smart."
His critical comments that were aimed at making me better were really what was holding me back all my life. After seeing your video I can tell that these thoughts were just the "child" mirror that I saw myself through. I was almost afraid of being around my dad for fear that he's gonna hurt my self worth. I knew that even as a kid. As I grew bigger I was less afraid and more avoidant. I've always been a good student but I never felt that I deserved that. I never felt like I deserved the good things that I worked really hard for.
Because my mind had become a critic like my father. Because no one had complimented me as a child. We used to live in a joint family with two of my cousin brothers being raised with me. They weren't any good at studies (but they had their own talents). So it was like they needed more encouragement. And everyone just kind of assumed that I didn't need encouragement and that I could be treated as an adult.
Fast forward 10 years throughout which I had a very poor sense of identity. I didn't even know that I was introverted. I didn't know my likes and dislikes. I had always sort of accommodated myself to take what was leftover. Or like what everyone else at home liked. I always thought in terms of others. And generally didn't even know that I was miserable.
When I turned 18, things started to change when I decided to move to another city for college. I decided to prove to myself that I am capable, I'm not lazy, I am among the smartest people I know, and I can make mistakes. It was a horrible year. I was constantly conflicted between reality and the image that I had of myself. And then covid happened so I moved back home.
That's when I realised that I like living alone. And I like to be by myself. I need people but very few and far between. This was a life changing realisation. I stopped putting pressure on myself to socialize. I realised that I'm a people pleaser with no boundaries. I learnt to build boundaries. I learnt to be firm. I learnt that if I don't treat myself with respect, no else will. So I told my parents about my introversion. And they were surprised because I talk a lot to my mom. But then they started to see that I really was an introvert. And they changed their behaviour so as to not push me to meet people all the time. They started giving me more alone time. I also learnt how to deal with the fact that my dad is a critic. I sat him down once and told him about how I felt when he criticised me. That took so much courage. And since then we've had a better relationship.
Now I'm in a healthier mindset than before. I am trying to learn that I deserve all the goods things that come to my in life. Even though I self sabotage all the time.
I had actually started healing myself before I saw this AMAZING video. But seeing this has given me so much more clarity. And has made my struggle so real. I accepted a long time ago that I have the tendency to self sabotage, I didn't how to stop it. Now I know. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing your story! My father is similar. I'm glad you're doing better and building yourself up and growing in confidence. You truly deserve it, we all do!
I related to this so much, thanks for sharing!
Beautifully articulated. It felt like someone was narrating my story and am happy for you that you made such a massive change and at such a better place than before. Once again thanks coz I couldn't possibly describe how much it helped me🍁
"I always thought in terms of others" - that hit so hard. I relate to your story so much. Thank you so much for sharing! I'm so glad you're healing through all of that. It takes a lot of strength and determination it to do so. I hope you're doing well!
Thanks Khushi for sharing your story, I can totally relate to this. Except in my case it was my mother who was extremely critical and constantly shifting the goalpost to bigger & bigger achievements.
The part about being in conflict with the real amazing capable self & distorted reality hit really hard for me.
Takes a lot of courage to share your story with vulnerability in detail. Thank you, hope you're healing & accepting your real self more every day
Agreed. When we fail, our brain is like ‘see told you you’re crap’ and we just accept the abuse🙃🙃🙃
it's good to recognize these patterns and remember that you are not your thoughts, you are an eternal spiritual being having a human experience :)
I know I do
Omg this makes so much sense !
I cried when I heard your 'list'. I cried for the child that had to bear all that horror and abuse. Then, I realised that I was crying, not only for that little boy, but also for the little girl that I had been.
Crying with you (empath problems)
I felt exactly the same! *hugs tightly*
same here my friends
same.. i am crying as i watch this. :'(
you're not alone Zoe Hope and I'm sending that little girl you once were a big hug and congratulating the adult you are for having the courage to admit this! 💕💕
This video helped me realize why I procrastinate so much. I was writing the list of positive experience with the negative feelings and noticed that it all revolved around my confidence in the work that I do and then it hit me hard. I always start to procrastinate when I am about to finish something that I am working on and always either don’t finish or finish WAY after the deadline. I always thought of myself as lazy... But the reason I do that is because I am so freaking terrified that the work that I am doing is shit and nobody is going to like it and then that makes me want to give up. 🤯🤯🤯 I have never realized that until now! You are truly amazing. Thank you so much for these videos! ❤️
Hi, you've expressed very well how I've felt for the bulk of my life. Last year I hit Sixty and I'm actually getting my shit together, now I'm sixty-one and even though being through covid I'm remaining positive and on track to build on what I've already learned. Your best piece is #5 treat yourself as someone you love, which I now do in abundance;-) Cheers, dude...
Recently told a friend “yea I get paid to draw pictures and I was even able to buy a house on my income alone but if any legit artists saw my stuff or heard of my job they’d think it was trash.” And maybe they would but maybe they’re assholes and maybe it’s ok to be proud of myself
Seriously! That is an amazing achievement!
If ur art is ur pfp then yes they are assholes and u are very good.
Every. Artist. Ever. Hey, fuck em you do you.
Kevin, that house represents your talent and hard work. No one is going to pay you enough to buy a house if you weren't talented. You need to recognize who you are as an artist and a person. That recognition in yourself will give you the confidence in your work and in other areas of your life. It certainly doesn't mean you will turn into an arrogant dick. While it is nice to get compliments from others, those don't mean much in comparison to what you think of yourself as both an artist and a person. Continued success to you Kevin.
You literally bought a house!!!! For someone who just read that it’s wild! It means you’re very talented at what you do to be able to do that!
You laid out plainly what I have discussed with a talk therapist AND a shrink ad nauseum for DECADES. Thank you. Your clarity is profound. I get more out of meditation, breathwork, and CZcams content than I ever did from paid professionals. Maybe it’s really down to timing. Those professionals really did help me with a lot of important growth. This was the one thing neither could adequately address. I appreciate you.
It’s also crazy how similar people tend to be who have similar childhood traumas, even if neither party addresses the traumas
Weirdo to weirdo: thank you, you make me feel less alone.
And jupp, that makes my world better.
There’s something comforting knowing there’s a dude like you in the world.
I started watching this while fighting the responsibility to start the day with so much anxiety and dread, and wow I’m speechless.. you literally turned my day around. If I heard one of your videos every morning I would love it! You should consider doing a podcast! Thanks for your work! Lots of love! ❤️✌️
I cried from the start to the end of this video. The way you discuss about these painful themes really show up how deep you're going to fight, manage and understand them. Thanks for this amazing content!
“You’ll pump yourself full of sunshine instead of drugs” thank you, I like that.
Ill meet him halfway at sunshine *and* drugs.
I FEEL THIS SO HARD
Same
Same sister
When he wrote down his NCBs I almost cried cause I resonated with them so much. Thanks for this video, really
Your content is way more insightful and uplifting than all the sessions I had with my therapist and self help books I've read. I'm entering a new chapter in my life and your videos really help me go through it, with a better mindset.
I came here for drawing challenges, I stay for the therapy.
I love you, man!
What a rollercoaster it's been to go from a fun drawing video to suddenly crying on your journal pages
I sorta came from an opposite situation where I was labeled as a "gifted child" and I have extremely supportive parents, but they were really trying to keep me from feeling like a failure on those few times I slipped up when I was young. And as an adult I really struggle with feeling like a failure because I'm not where I want to be or even completely on the right track. And I worry because I've put my happiness on trying to get the right job, and that I won't let myself be happy until I achieve that, and that if I do get that job, I worry that I won't feel like it's enough.
same
mood
Same
same
OMG same! I was also labelled a "gifted child" and my parents, my family and my teachers had very high expectations from me. Now I can't stand failure. I quit as soon as I find a task difficult. I tend to link my worth to my job and how well I do it. So I'm constantly anxious and unsatisfied, especially for the things that relate to jobs and career. I am working on that but it's very difficult.
I cried so much watching this video! Today I just realized I’m self sabotaging when my therapist told me she felt it on me and I came to youtube to learn more about it. I’m glad I’ve found you and identified myself in this. I feel a deep relief from something I keep inside since my childhood. And it’s just the beginning. Thank you so much for sharing.
This guy has helped me more than my therapist... absolutely love your style - makes your videos super relatable and, importantly, actionable. Keep it up man!
This man has done more for me in like 3 videos than in 3 years of literal therapy from a psychologist
Isn’t it frustrating how much easier it is to be kind to other people? I’ve always been called the “painfully positive” person in the lives of those around me, and yet for a long time, nobody knew how I was sadly feeling.
Thank you for sharing how you personally work to combat these feelings of self sabotage and negativity. Your personal journey in any number of ways, is very inspiring. Even though we’re complete strangers, I’m very proud of you. Thank you for putting more good into the world just by being yourself.
Your comment really hit me hard. I'm also the "extremely positive" person in my friend group and just 2 days ago I missed an online meetup for the 3rd time. I was late because I was helping an older neighbor sort out some finances.
But actually, I was unhappy and insecure about the meetup. Pretty sure the topic will come around to some things I don't want to talk about ("Hey how's your life going now?", etc) so I found a reason to 'miss' the meeting. So I basically...stood up 6 other busy adults who love me and were likely to want to hear good news about my life but the stress of *knowing* that meant that I chose to just...not do it.
Wasn't until this vid that I really understood what I'd done, and what I'd been doing all my life. Something makes me unhappy or uncomfortable and I screw up so that I can avoid it, no matter what that screw up ends up being.
In my case, it runs the gamut from "Oh I was late to work (promotion meeting) because I stopped to help a stray and take it to the shelter but now I have dog hairs all on my suit so I needed to go back home and change." all the way to "I have a thing to do in the morning bright and early but I find myself on CZcams at 4am watching a random recommend of Struthless' vid about self-sabotage...oh...OH!! I see it now" 💡😲
It IS easier to be kind to other people, and In my case, a part of that was that I could use "helping others" as my excuse for blowing up my own life. And now I need to go to bed cuz I have to wake up in 4 hours 😣
@@cuterpooter Firstly, I hope you’re doing alright and are getting sleep tonight. Going about life on such little sleep makes the stress and anxiety so much worse, at least for me. :(
I completely understand you, but please know that your friends love you and won’t fault you for your struggle. I know that I certainly wouldn’t! You sound like an awesome person, so I hope that you can treat yourself with as much attentiveness and kindness as you obviously do others.
Oh same :c. I might not be considered positive but very rational, people come to me with important decisions, personal conflicts, mediating etc. Because I can look objectively and make sound judgement that will maximise happiness of everyone involved. Yet I make most dumbass self sabotaging decisions when it comes to my own life, ruin my relationships because I'm terrified of them getting even better. Man... It's... Almost hilarious.
@@Noelciaaa Well, we all make mistakes, but that doesn’t mean that you’re a dumbass. Far from it. I get you, having the potential for something to be better also leaves us open for even greater potential for disappointment. Be patient with yourself, though. There’s no timeline you need to follow. You will grow, and see that you are deserving of those incredible relationships, regardless of what type they are. You’ll see that you can be rational with yourself, just as you have so many others in your life, all the while being kind and loving to yourself. :) One day at a time, Kat. I believe in you.
@@CutiePie1989 thank you so much for this ; ~ ; and i wish you the best too
Just found the channel. I turned 30 in January I’ve spent my 20s in self sabotage,addiction etc. it’s great not to feel alone in my “late start” good stuff bro
Thank you, man!
This video hit uncomfortably close to home personally, and I just wanted to tell you how much it helped me to start thinking about some of my own shit. And also that it is very generous of you for being so open and humble with your own process.
But more than that, this video was just a master class in communication!
You managed to unpack several complex psychosocial behaviours, and give practical advice on how to identify and try and change them, all in under 11 minutes!
So, thanks for making the video!
I'm pretty new to your stuff. You used to draw Simpsons-characters but now you are an Oz Tony Robbins?
You seem like an amazing weirdo and a cool human, keep practicing that self-love.
You deserve it.
I love how you get into the psychology of beliefs built as a childhood. Mental health unfortunately is not taught in schools 😳 I can definitely relate with the cycle of self sabotage. I have been trying to get my art career going for 4 years and I have definitely found I am my biggest enemy. I have found way too often I progress or reach a goal I find a reason or let others around me that are negative bring me down. Thanks for posting this and reminding me Im not alone on this.
Man, imagine if it were though.... mental health would be a fantastic thing to teach from a young age
I totally feel you with trying to get an art career going. I’ve been renting a studio for over a year now and I’ve made like 5 small artworks and sold none of them 😬 I hate that I’ve wasted so much money on rent but I can’t think about it. I just have to move forward and try to be a little creative every day
@@ohrats731 I definitely think the benefit of teaching mental health would solve a lot of problems we have in society!
That’s awful to put work in and not sell any work! I found selling traditional art is especially tricky and that’s why many sell art through galleries. If you don’t mint me asking how do you get exposure for your art?
I feel both of these comments! I have been making art for two years on the side and still really struggle to make sales sometimes because I tell myself that nobody looks at my Instagram so why bother!
What Struthless is talking about is a form of schema therapy which not many psychologists know about, but if they do it’s incredibly valuable. I am going through it with my psych and it’s taking ages but I am making slow progress. I just need to keep reminding myself to just create and I will find my tribe through the process
@@STICKYArt oh I never saw a notification for your reply but I got a random “someone liked your comment” notification and here I am again lol
The problem with me not selling my art is really like 99% that I don’t feel like it’s worth selling. I don’t put it out there because I haven’t finished it and I don’t finish it because it’s not good and blah blah lol. Definitely a case of self-sabotage 😅
@@ohrats731 I do the same with mine... I asked myself" are you afraid to fail or are you afraid you'll succeed"?.. I was blessed with many talents . And have sold many things, but I under sell myself..
As a person with a Psychology degree: this is perfect.
love this validation for him!! Sm love
thank you. i never understood why i find it so satisfying to fuck everything up for myself. quitting jobs, revenge trades, being hostile, destroying my stuff. have been like that all my life, and i have a hard time seeing it come to an end
Yet another amazing video. That last tip really struck a cord with me. Treat yourself as you would treat someone else. Something so simple and logical, yet it never occurred to me... as a person who constantly beats myself up, hearing my oldest child talk negatively about themselves is absolutely heart-wrenching. My response has always been, "Don't you dare talk about yourself that way. I would never let anyone talk badly about you, and you are no exception." Now, if only I could take my own advice.
I know this is corny af but I literally started crying when you said that those things are far too cruel to be said to anyone, let alone ourselves. Sometimes, our view of ourselves is so distorted that we lose touch with the idea that we deserve affirmation from our own selves. Thank you for this video, it comes at the right time. I will try your strategy and hopefully, it will help free me a bit
You literally just did CBT over the internet. Only recently found your channel, and instantly am enamored with it. Real talk, straight facts. Cheers man.
change "am enamored" for _fell in love_
enamored is perfect :)
Hot damn, this is some great advice. I'm broadly aware of my negative self-sabotaging thinking, but I have a lot of trouble with knowing what's real. Structuring things like this and writing them down is something I'll try. I probably give way too much focus towards the negative evidence, and if I were to transcribe all of that onto paper, I'd just be writing down the same sentence thousands of times. Writing it down once will help me see it for what it is - a possibility, but just one of them.
I stumbled across your blog as I was delaying moving forward with something I needed to complete and everything you said I resonated with. Love your no frills practical approach and your honesty.
aaaa thank you, timing couldn't be more perfect. I'm today years old (almost 29) when I realized that my childhood wasn't as good as I always wanted to think. Many of my insecurities come from there and I spoke to my brother how I've wanted to publish my comics and art for almost 10 years but I leave everything unfinished and think that there is no point to continue bc I'm not good enough, though I somehow know it's not true. F THIS, time to finish what I've started. Thank you!
Please, do it! The world needs you, we need your comics, we need your talent, dont keep it for yourself... Give it a try, share it, there is nothing to lose... Trust me! Have a great day! July :)))
When you said "cause I'm somebody worth ignoring" that hit hard. That (parent) way of thinking is so true
Thanks for being you dude. These have really lifted me up a little today.
I LOVE your videos!! This kickstarted me journaling and I am already feeling so much clarity!💖💖💖 Thank you for your vulnerability and guidance!
You are more relatable than you think & it’s perfectly normal to give yourself a corny compliment. If everyone really sat down & took their thoughts out of their heads onto paper & started to tackle the lies that they’ve been told & believe, they could crack that shell open just a bit, to start being free in a new life of their actual truth.
Your drawings are AMAZING but your talks are a breakthrough for a lot of your viewers. You are appreciated & are here to break out of your shell to help others do the same. Nobody wants to have claustrophobia of the mind anymore!
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Relate to this a heap.
Noticed that around 9 months is my cutoff time for jobs too. I find after about 9 months at a place, I've learnt the majority of things I need to know to do the job to the best of my abilities, I've got to know my colleagues as much as I'd care to, and the job & workplace becomes stale and boring.
I would usually quit at around this time to pursue something new and exciting, but in the instances where I've stuck at it and tried to ignore the yearning for something different, it's taken me to pretty dark places.
Fortunately now I've managed to get into a position where I work for myself, so there is no limitations to what I can learn or do, and I have no colleagues so I don't get driven insane by the same conversations about the weather.
There are obviously cons to this new work life, but I definitely am a lot happier overall.
@New Kid Which part do you doubt, and why?
this is so inspiring to see you work for yourself now! I really relate with what you said that after 9 months you feel like you can do the job well and it gets boring.
Six months used to be my limit.. my last job was almost 3 years before I hit the (very low) ceiling due to office politics *cough*auspost bullshit*cough*
Cracked the shits, told my manager i needed a couple of days for a mental health break and jumped on seek to see what was out there in the middle of a pandemic and recession.
Stumbled across a software startup that needed a new hire in a hugely variable role - put in the application on a whim and I've been there for three months now and have only scratched the surface of things to do, policies to refine, training procedures that my manager and I are continually improving and a whole new industry that I'm only now starting to understand.
Boredom for people with ADHD is the equivalent of kryptonite for superman.
Sure, I work a lot harder and more hours now but I have the satisfaction of knowing what I do is making an impact- I'm not a number, I'm one of 5 employees and my hard work has been rewarded with a 3.5% raise after I'd finished 2 months (of my 6 month probationary period) with the business.
My only "real" job was a 9 month stint before I had enough.
Sammmeee
I might be the queen of self-sabotage. I've had so many opportunities to be some kind of success that I let fall through because I am constantly at odds with myself and often too weak to push down the negative energy. I quit my well paying job to move to Japan to do what all who knows. You boosted me a bunch when I was making videos again, but I've given up because I don't know how to manage my time and energy with all the things I want to do... so many things. But I really want to try doing this because I really need to make sure to remind myself that I'm not a terrible person. Not really. Even if I think I am sometimes.
I never thought I'd come across such an amazing CZcams channel.. you really are special and what you do matters. Thank you, your videos do help x
Bro. This so so real, so awesome. And shows all the work you've done on yourself. And I'm so proud of you, and literally everyone that is watching this video. Way to break down the hard truths.
sometimes I call myself names and my partner says to me “Hey! Don’t say that about the person I love!”
It really helps 😊👍
Thanks struthless. This is all good advice
I say the same to my girlfriend cause she's terrible for beating herself up. But then I can in the same breath be incredibly cruel to myself. It's tough, I get you.
Your partner is so cute
I agree - my husband always says he's useless and it hurts me every time he says it, because he's saying it to the person I love. But I also insult myself for things I can't control too, which he tries to help me with.
"You believe you don't deserve success."
That is the exact sentence that hit home, and it shattered me into a crying heap that I was not expecting 2 seconds before. Why the f*ck are so bloody right about one o the core believes of my world and why the f*ck did I have to find this out by a youtube video.
And why do I relate to such a deep level.
A lot of his videos do that for me
Took me by surprise the first few times, now whenever I open one I'm prepared for a punch in the gut lol
I thought I'm the only one who teared up... this video hits hard on a very personal level.. God bless this guy for making this!
Voiced beautifully. 61 years old, only now getting close to figuring self sabatage out. Voiced beautifully. TY
I happened on your channel completely randomly and I gotta say that it’s extremely helpful. Thank you for all that you do
Nails should be careful around you Struthless, you keep hitting them on the head! Thank you.
😂😂😂😭
i like this! very clever
@@Sealney thanks!
BUT! Dont take this success as a reason to quit doing it ❤
😂😂 your sense of humour is top-notch
It’s been 22 freaking painful years of me trying to understand and some how explain to people around me why I ruin my own life. But I never ever had an answer. I just did and when my loved ones would ask why I could only reply with I don’t really know. I have been searching for my why for sooooo long I got tired. Thank you so much!! It feels as if a light bulb just turned on and I could finally see. I’ll practice every suggestion and hopefully will get out of this rut. I have been drowning and suffocating for too long.
You have no idea what your video just did for me
I’m grateful and glad that I found this.
Side note: love your sense of humour 👌
I really needed to hear this message today my life is going better in my artistic fields than it ever has before and I’m freaking out and scared that I might actually start succeeding thank you for everything you do you genuinely help people I am 1
I'm really grateful to have found your chanel, this has actually been so eye-opening and helpful, thank you!
Your comment on not telling a kid that their good school work is a fluke hit me deep as that's pretty much exactly what I was told when I was small - either a fluke or that it was because I'd gotten help on homework. It really messed with my head.
Same!
@@sheffieldjcondo4828 beautifully expressed! thank you so much for this 👏🏼❤️
Each time when I lose weight I tended to think “I don’t deserve it” and start eating junk food and stop workout hard. And.. when I gained weight I will eat healthy and workout. The loop never ends..
I've done the same thing for years! You are not alone!
Yep... Same
I have just recently discovered your channel, and I'm so grateful for it. Your videos and guidelines and journaling exercises are helping me so much. And, for the first time, after a long time I finally start accepting myself and working on myself without being judgy or negative about it. So honestly I just wanted to thank you so much!
Man I feel this way since I remember myself. It’s sooo precious to have someone open up about it. Thank you very much for this!
Struthless only appears on my recommended when I most need his advice, it's a blessing
same goes with me :") . it is indeed
Link this video every time someone says “just love yourself” because everyone struggles with that and this actually tells you HOW unlike every other fit girl insta post I’ve seen talking about self love.
I have a suspicion that those "fit girl insta posts" aren't really meant to be _helpful_ inasmuch, and are more of a self-promotion thing than a resource for the bedeviled.
But this person seems to have helping as their first priority, even when it comes with risk (like being vulnerable). The vulnerability someone shows can be a good indicator of their intentions, I think.
Instagram like most social media outlets it generally quite toxic.
Love your videos man. You've helped me a lot in figuring out some of the stupid stuff I've picked up over the years. Truly don't believe I would make the progress I have without you. You are invaluable. Much love!
you spoke the truth of so many of us! it touched me to the core. Thanks for making this video man! it really encouraged me to start writing to get rid of this self-sabotaging behavior!
For someone that’s been brought up where my own family members constantly insults and looks down on my artwork which caused me to stop drawing for two years, this video definitely helps a lot to keep me inspired ! I just started getting back to animating and art recently so this keeps me motivated ~ thanks a lot!
Hi I wish you the best of luck and I hope you have a ton of fun ♥ :)
@@JulieChanDoitsu thanks 😊 indeed am !
@Steam msn yeah striving for it , hope your journey goes well for you too :D !
That’s it! Keep going! It’s so hard to get rid of those voices. I’m an artist too and I really understand what a huge role other people and self perception plays in the creative process. It’s very hard to unlearn, but you’re not alone!
Dude I gotta say you have the best blend of compassion, cornyness and self awareness in these types of videos on serious topics. I learn something in every single one. And thanks for helping break the stigma that guys can't have feelings or if he does it means he's weak. It takes a lot of strength to honest to yourself. Hope you're keeping well in these crazy times ❤
Wow, I'm so glad I've found your channel. You give a lot of answers to the questions I've been afraid to ask myself. Your explanations are very much on point! I don't understand how for so many self-help channels it's not obvious that childhood is a key to understanding your patterns and self-believes.
thank you so much for this video -- loved the column writing and #5 treat yourself as someone you love, amazing stuff! recently stumbled across your channel and i love it; i think you're one of the first self-help content makers I've been able to take seriously -- really appreciate your humour, the practical, actionable tips, the animations / transitions / subtitles etc., the positive & honest & perfect mix of emotional and rational / idealistic and down-to-earth vibes of you & your videos!!
you ARE great at your job and people connect to what you say and definitely weirdos need weirdos. i think growing up made me realise most people are actually much weirder than they seem at the start, so maybe those who are normal are the weird ones ;D
The timing of this video being released two days before my last mental breakdown (yesterday) is honestly very appreciated. I'm a writer and I've been struggling with self-sabotage for years. The issue is not helped by the fact I'm considered a genius and so people expect outstanding performances for me in a vast area of fields. Yesterday, I received excellent news about one of my projects: I'm to be published by a French publisher for the first time in a few months. I should be over the moon, but it's just... not it. I feel like I'm late (even though I'm only 23) and like I don't deserve it/won't be able to do the work asked of me. I feel like the big book series I'm planning on starting in November won't work out because I'll quit, and this is the project of my life. So thank you. With the stuff you said in your video, I might be able to break the cycle.
You’ve got this!
Ah I relate to this so much. Recently I was offered my dream project but instead of making me proud, happy and excited, it made me stressed and anxious because I didn't feel ready or worthy or like I was able to create the work.
@@folded.visuals YES Same
Making a book and honestly, same, sometimes I'd think its not worth making it because no one will bother buying it, and perhaps that's true, but not because its not worth it, you are lucky lots of stuff in the art world is VERY underrated. After watching this vid I thought, what if one person ONE buys it and helps them? it'd be all worth it
I feel like once I stopped being cynical in my mind, I started building a better world in my mind.
Thanks for sharing this, Struthless. You're a winner in my book.
you’re a winner too!
While I was watching this I started to feel sick, it's like my inner negative self is feeling attacked and wanted to fight back. I also felt like I wanted to cry, like I know I have to deal with this and I know I can but the fight back is really hard. I wish there was an easy way to do this but this video is a great start and thank you for sharing it.
You are nothing short of AMAZING. Thank you for sharing your testimony and vulnerabilities to help others reach their full potential. There are a lot of amazing people out there hiding themselves from the world. You are helping them come forward and making the world a better place with this channel. ❤
God, I cried so hard, as hard as I relate myself with what you share in this video. Thank you so much for letting me know there’s someone out there that faces the similar situation. Thank you.
I struggle a lot with this too. This is gonna sound really odd, but when I'm having a particularly difficult time, a coping method I use is imagining holding myself as a baby. It's so much easier to break negative thought patterns when envisioning your child self, vulnerable and deserving of kindness and love. You recognise you would never speak to this child the way you speak to yourself, yet that child is you. Take care of yourselves, everyone
I enjoyed and loved many of your videos and this one is such a gem too! Thank you for sharing what you've struggled with, learned and practice in such an open, shame free way. Pretty sure the whole wide world needs more of this and your contribution is seen and appreciated 100%!! Have a wonderful day! ☀
This made me cry a little cause I don't really treat myself the best and the way you talked about how you should treat yourself as you would treat someone you love resonated with me and made me think that I can do better for myself.
Thank you for making these kinds of videos for people. It's always nice to know you're not alone and the more videos there are like this one the better cause even if one has heard this in a similar way a number of times before it doesn't hurt as a reminder and it could be that a this telling from a different perspective/person could be the one that really clicks if others haven't already, or reinforce that narrative from other times even more.
This weirdo thanks you, sincerely, for being vulnerable enough to share this and making this exercise seem approachable for the first time.
Mate, this work you're doing - just as important as, if not more important than the art. Lifting people up with your own story. Thank you.
This video couldn't have come at a better time in my life. I've had such anxiety lately about an upcoming relocation and job change, and everything he was mentioning about himself is exactly how I feel. I'm going to reference this video often. Thank you Stuthless for the video. It's made me feel better.
I love your videos & they’ve already made a difference in my life! I relate to your content & struggles so much. Thank you for always being vulnerable with us!
Your content is some of the most honest, kind, interesting, relatable, vulnerable and authentic that I’ve encountered on the internet in a very long time. Cheers, man, keep it up.
"Treat yourself like you'd treat someone you love" is massive. This is going on my laptop desktop to remind me.
This is a f***ing bullseye for me .. thank you so much for sharing your story and how you identified the self sabotage beliefs and how to walk through the river to the other side .. much gratitude 🙏🏻
this channel is a blessing for me, man. Thanks for this
I swear these videos come at suspiciously perfect times in my life
I'd like to add, its not just that weirdos need weirdos, its also that when these weirdos have the courage to be vulnerable and honest about their issues it gives:
1. others the courage to face their own issues
2. its put in a language they can understand
3. gives them a sense of connection (its not only me dealing with this sh*t)
4. creates respect for the their fellow weirdo talking about their issues... and you, struthless, are one I have come to respect for your bravery and wisdom... I hope you believe all the good things said about you in these comments :)
Never watched your videos before but just came across this and at such an ironic time! Being put back on a new medication and told I should try therapy again.... nothing being explained etc but this video is literally way better than doctors and therapists! Providing help for all us with too much anxiety to face people / just want to try ‘self help’. If I could throw billions of likes and support on this video I would!! Also had to replay a few parts for a laugh at how true! Especially around 10 mins in. Best thing I’ve watched on CZcams ever tbh! Rate you.
Honestly so glad I found this video. I’ve been going through a hard time and decided to sit down and really try this (took hours, didn’t think it would be this hard or take this long) but I actually feel like my mind is calming down a little bit after days of pure misery. Thanks for making this video!
You know man, I don't say this often, but thank you. For real, I needed to hear this so much. Thank you
Wow, I was just chastising myself this morning for having made absolutely no progress on my project. I mean, this is a really important project for me, and I have done NOTHING! And this video just popped right up when I came to CZcams as if the universe was screaming at me to hurry up and get busy! Thanks, Struthless!
I needed to watch this soooo bad. I think I've been watching you for 3 or 4 years ,starting on facey and following you over to CZcams, your videos and content has such a great array of "the feels".
How to go bald in your 20s had myself and a lot of friends rolling on the floor. This video has me really reflecting on something I know I, and probably a lot of people, secretly struggle with. Kudos Struthless, whether it's a funny social commentry (vegan for the pingas 😂) or a deep reflection like this you've kept us engaged. Thanks for the videos 🙂🤗
Thank you for this words, so many people deserve to hear this!