Spirited Monocles & Pince Nez: Prof. Oddfellow's Penetralia
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- čas přidán 2. 08. 2024
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Jonathan Caws-Elwitt's original script transmogrified. Here's how it might have gone:
Pince-nez NOT pants neigh BUT pince-nez PLURAL FORM (regular) pince-nez PLURAL FORM (pedantic francophilic incorrect) pincent-nez ALSO KNOWN AS nose-glasses
Lord Emsworth, a recurring character in the works of P. G. Wodehouse, wears a pince-nez that becomes animated whenever Emsworth is surprised or upset. “His pince-nez flew off his nose and danced at the end of their string,” writes Wodehouse, “their practice whenever he was deeply stirred.” [Service with a Smile] Emsworth’s pince-nez seems alive: it seems to have agency. Moreover, the sentient pince-nez seems to react in sympathy to Emsworth’s own emotions. In literary criticism, this is known as the pathetic fallacy, whereby ostensibly inanimate entities, such as the moon, are freighted with our human feelings. As a literary technique, the so-called pathetic fallacy isn’t really fallacious. On the contrary: Lord Emsworth’s pince-nez with a will of its own is obviously the correct answer to whatever the question was.
Screwball-mystery writer Alice Tilton provides some corroborating evidence, with one of her own characters: “His pince-nez, apparently sharing his astonishment, bounced from his nose.” [The Iron Clew] So does author George Malcolm-Smith: “Suddenly his pince-nez sprang off his nose as the implication of his own words lifted him from his chair.” [Slightly Perfect]
But are the animated pince-nez of literature really the product of fanciful writing? Or could it be that such pince-nez are simply obeying the laws of physics? Phyllis Bentley writes,
Astonishment so distorted the little novelist's features that her old-fashioned pince-nez slipped off her nose; they flew through the air on the end of their chain and came to rest with a click against the large black button on her bosom. [“The Crooked Figures”]
Bentley seems to be indicating that it was a muscular contraction of the face that caused dramatic pince-nez acrobatics when the wearer was astonished. And if this is a matter of physics, we ought to be able to reproduce the effect here in Oddfellow Laboratories.
Now, every good experiment needs a control. So to provide a basis of comparison, we ran similar tests on a monocle. Here’s what we found:
Richard said: "Great Scott!" Lady Burford murmured weakly: "I don't believe it." Hiram Peabody exclaimed: "Jumping jehosaphat!" The monocle dropped from Algy Fotheringay's eye. [J Anderson, The Affair of the Bloodstained Egg Cosy]
The man allowed his monocle to fall, more or less of its own accord, to the full extent of its ribbon, where it swung, pendulum-wise, at the end of its moiré ribbon, till the law of Newton and gravity took over. [M Butterworth, A Virgin on the Rocks]
These results suggest that monocles, too, in literature, are subject to both the pathetic fallacy and Newtonian physics. Then, since we still had some grant monies left over, we decided to test the effects of physics on nonexistent pince-nez and monocles. We turned first to author PJ Fitzsimmons:
Mama raised her eyebrows and lowered her chin, as though regarding me over imaginary pince-nez. [Reckoning at the Riviera Royale]
Note that there’s no sign of the imaginary pince-nez flying off Mama’s face, so this could be significant negative data. Compare that with this passage from writer Frankie Bow:
Gunderson turned to stare at Emma. If he had been wearing a monocole, it would have dropped into his lap. [The Perfect Body]
Bow’s results suggest that imaginary monocles, in contrast to Fitzsimmons’s nonexistent pince-nez, do obey the laws of Newtonian pathetic fallacy. By the way, literary pince-nez have been shown to perform well in auditory experiments:
Once again I noticed that, when I kissed Maude good night, our pince-nez met and made a slight tinkling sound. I find it embarrassing. [R Haydn, The Journal of Edwin Carp]
They’ve also advanced the field of phenomenology:
Mr. Crouptickle looked quizzical. Doing this gave him no problem. He was wearing the kind of pince-nez in which it was virtually impossible not to look quizzical. [S Brett, Blotto, Twinks, and the Riddle of the Sphinx]
While literary monocles have been known to demonstrate the observer effect:
"I am fascinated by your monocle, Mr. Holderness," she said. "What would you do if it were broken?" The eye that gripped the monocle relaxed; the glass wafer fell crashing to the deck. [V Starrett, The Great Hotel Murder]
We note that what makes Mr. Holderness’s monocles break is, apparently, observers asking about his monocles breaking.
We’ll conclude with a math problem:
Q. Show that Dylan's “Love Minus Zero” is a pince-nez.
A.1. Love, in tennis, means a score of zero; 2. Ergo, "Love Minus Zero" = "Zero Minus Zero"; 3. "Zero Minus Zero" can be represented as 0-0; 4. Which is a pince-nez. Q.E.D. - Zábava
Perfect timing, I see, for my visionary difficulties! The brilliance is clear even without a pince nez or a lorngette!👏👏👏👏
Yay! Thank you so much!
One of the best yet! So many interesting and joyfully rare facets, phrases and images. Kudos!
We're delighted and honored to hear this, RH! Your comment is much appreciated, as always. 😃
Had to clean my monacle to see! Every thing is now clear!!!
I had been wondering why all my own eyepieces were so bleary, and it finally occurred to me that the fog machine might have something to do with it.🤪
I truly love this! Every scene is more perfectly clever than the last!
Thank you so much, Count! Delighted to hear this!
Great show, guys! 🎉
We had fun, and it's fun to share with you. Wishing you the very best, Ⓖ𝟘🌝𝕯 𝓢𝓘𝕽 𝕊𝒾𝕲𝓕𝔘𝓢‼
Love the voice of the bat from the belfry. Would be a pleasure to have him read articles and other written texts for my listening pleasure. By the way, if you do figure out how to place the monocle on your third eye you'll be six-eyed, and thus no one should be able to put a hex on you, as you'll already have one.
Six-eyed, yes! Preventatively hexed! That would be neat to have the bat from the belfry do audio books!
A few years ago, after watching The Scarlet Pimpernel with Leslie Howard & Merle Oberon, I began picking up scissors and similar objects by their business ends, and used their handles like lorgnettes :) I'd minutely examine ridiculous things through them, whilst affecting an absurd amount of attention and stroking a non-existent beard.
Had I known then what I do now, I would have chosen only blunt instruments for such shenanigans, thus never risking potentially dangerous objects' becoming cursed. I would also sleep far better than I know I will tonight. I shall sink into a solely shallow sleep, so I may remain alert to any unusual metallic noises.
As it is, I fear I shall be set upon by scissors, kitchen tongs, hemostats, and their similarly used friends, each trying their hardest either to exterminate me or draw my immediate and undivided attention to some object they've discovered.
Both are terrifying prospects, as you can well imagine.
Fantastic -- like a Penetralia After Dark vignette! Thank you MerelyGifted -- love it!
@@ProfessorOddfellow Thank you for the insipiration!
I love your scissors/lorgnette business, @MerelyGifted!
@@jonathancaws-elwitt4256 You are most kind, good sir!
This made me search for the definition of fore and foar as I was thinking about 4 eyes.
Cool! I recently heard from a musician viewer who noted, "I always find myself with at least one internet search after your songs."
I do it all the time! @@ProfessorOddfellow
Appreciate “dance way”/“pince-nez” - I always struggle to pronounce it off the cuff. Sad to see Verdant Green’s “Giglamps” didn’t make this one. Perhaps next time!
You're so right -- where were the Giglamps? Yes, a sequel is very much in order! Thanks for the great comment!
Loved this! Will there be a sequel?
Thank you, Betsy! And a sequel -- haha! yes -- everything seems to be doubling!
Don’t monocles and glasses get along? Glasses seem to go out of their way to not be associated with monocles. I’ve never heard of duocles (and neither has spellcheck). You’d think they have a lot in common, having things to share that other objects wouldn’t understand.
Though it seems that way, Ken, I have it on good authority that the various optical devices tend to see the world in quite different ways.
@@ProfessorOddfellow It's true. Hard contact lenses for example are well known as starters of bar fights and duels.
Hahahaha! Yes!!!
Is a monocle for a diminutive person called a ""homunocle?" (Which, by the way, is a googlewhack, at least until this comment gets indexed.)
Being fascinated by tiny humanoid figures, monocles, and googlewhacks, of course I love your coinage!
Just recalled. I think met Pince Nez once en route to Guam. He was quarantined with measles.
🥴 Now I'm wondering whether rose-colored glasses actually sport rashes!