We Wish We Knew THIS in Our 20s | Being Well
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- čas přidán 17. 06. 2024
- Our 20s are a unique decade filled with opportunity…including the opportunity to make a lot of mistakes. On today’s episode, Dr. Rick and I share (roughly) 10 things we wish we’d known back then. We explore the balance of enjoying freedom with the compounding value of effort, a framework for finding meaning and purpose, and some of the common pitfalls that keep us stuck. Regardless of where you are in life, you’ll learn how to find and embrace your natural talents, appreciate meaningful relationships, and see things in a new light.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:35 The importance of the choices you make in your 20s
4:45 Balance the freedom of youth with the value of action
8:25 Embrace mentorship
13:45 Find the Three Circles: Talent, Enjoyment, and Values
21:40 Try things, and let yourself change
24:35 Avoid getting stuck (and codependent relationships)
28:55 Identify useful feedback
30:35 Avoid swerving away from natural talents, kindred spirits, good advice, and failure
35:55 The intrinsic value of creating, and lightening up about results
38:20 Focus on where you have agency
44:35 Appreciate relationships based on shared values
46:50 You get to decide what your relationships look like
47:50 Showing appreciation for your younger self
49:50 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson
I just want to say, I look forward to these talks every Monday on my commute. I’m already laughing one minute in “ do you have your aarp card” lmao😂 thank you for doing these and being two wise internet friends!!!!!
Thank you!
24 years old here and very much in the midst of this process. Strange new pains and exhilarations for me and many young people I see going through this moment too. I'm chipping away to carve out a sense of myself in context, and appreciate those in my life, like you both, providing perspective and guidance. It's a real comfort to feel that common understanding!
I’m twenty eight and feel like figuring out any of my health issues at all has taken way too long and stolen way too much time, though mine were somewhat intense emotionally. If they’ve struggled with any of the health stuff I have than I’m not amazed that the suicide rate is so high among teens.
My observations at being 60 years young:
1.) So called "Youth" is overrated.
2.) Life isn't all about 'Return on Investment' in regards to monetary or "status" gain.
And than: *EVERYTHING IS AN INVESTMENT - FUN and ENJOYMENT are investments into knowing how to create a healthy, less stressful life!*
Stress is the number one killer and the effects of a stressful life can be very costly to repair.
What a team these two are!
Agreed.
I became a teacher of Transcendental Meditation at age 20. Spent my 20’s around Maharishi traveling the world. I think I needed it because I had a traumatic childhood after my dad died at 9. The long hours of meditation and focus saved me, rather than the alternative those days- psychedelic drugs. It took me 35 years to finally reach escape velocity from the “half-cult” as you put it. After joining several other groups, now I’m very independent.
Oh my goodness...best episode ever! I listen on Spotify but was moved to comment here. I'm 29 but so many of these things resonated for my younger self 😢 My advice would be to recognise that you'll have several life paths. I had an 8 year career as a wedding planner and now I'm shifting into writing. It's okay to reinvent, to change your mind, to see things through and grow out of things. You'll go through several phases so don't feel you have to get it all right in your twenties.
Absolutely, love this
Such a great point. A lot of the pressure we feel in our 20s comes from the expectation that we should choose a career and do it forever like people used to. But times have changed and it is more natural to evolve and try new things throughout our lives. I wish you all the best in your new path as a writer 💛💛💛 and whatever comes next
@@moralebooster8437 Thank you kindly 😊 wishing you the best too!
Yes the gains are bigger than if not, and this also means that the mistakes we make in our twenties have serious, lifelong consequences.
I wish I knew that the adults around me were not mature nor healthy. The way I shaped my life, was extraordinarily limited, and I had NO idea.
Just have to say I love these podcasts so much ☺️ it also really resonates with me when Rick said something about not settling for the tepid waters. One of my favorite quotes from a poem is "we're here too brief to be tepid"
Additionally, as someone who is closing out my 20s later this year, I think these are all great points!
I have a 24 and 25 year old and am hanging on every word from both of you! I see my two going through exactly what you are saying but this podcast helps me finally realize they may not be ready yet to answer some of those inquiries. Sigh……but there is hope🙏
"process not product"👍👌 exactly!
33 minute - so often in my experience.. what I find helpful is not sharing what I working on or what I even plan, because it's bring on me pressure of good wishes, expectancy, and fears also from others.
Im just her to say Dr Rick is 71???? WHAT???? He looks 62 at most! Bravo him
I'm thirty plus and went through my 20s without any direction. I neither got good at something, nor did I use my freedom and build relationships. The few friends I had have always been convenient, but not so much my type of people. I'm at a decision right now, if I stay where I am or move to another city and start over again. I feel like I shouldn't deracinate myself at my age, but rather work on what I have and improve it. It's scary to blindly try something new, even if what I had the last years wasn't what I needed. I need change, but how I'm not sure of. And it's kinda shameful to be at this point while other people are settled and have kids. It feels like I messed up and I can't save it anymore. I did go through a lot of personal growth during the last 10 years, but that's usually not what people see.
I guess I have no choice but to give me all the time that I need, even if I feel like I can't afford it anymore.
Thanks so much for this conversation, I really think this channel is absolute gold. You're talking about such important stuff and doing it in a very kind and precise way - I very much appreciate that.
It's less about being able to make a great decision when we're young and more about letting go of regrets as we get older.
Recently I felt regret over not having gone to school and gotten into psychology.
As I explored that, the message that came back to me was that I am a foundational stone in the architecture of that field.
Lots of people get the titles, the letters, and still struggle with their choices.
In my situation I am completely accessible in my work and social life for folks who aren't even considering therapy or who don't have the financial ability; the situation, to act.
Yet.
If I'd gone to school in my teens and twenties, I'd still have been the same person inside and still suffered the same struggles.
Love where you are.
It's fleeting.
I wish I had known that having alcohol, even one beer, causes me to feel crappy, anxious, depressed, and sometimes angry for a full day afterward. I never made the connection that my emotional malaise could have been drastically reduced by abstaining from beer. Having figured this out at about 55 has been like dropping a load of ballast, better late than never!
I am 22 thank you for this! Great insight and wisdom‼️🍀🤝
I loved that chit chat you had with your dad! How awesome!
❤
this is a quality channel - stands out from many..
Already sold me in the first minute with that Dad joke about being psyched for the conversation😂
A beautiful discussion. I wish I'd had someone to talk to, who listened to me, and took me seriously. I'm now 65 and have never found a niche in this world. I was pulled away from my goals and dreams of pursuing music and medicine. Subsequently, family criticism played out again and again by the father of my children. Thank you both for the example you set as you listen to each other and offer loving responses.
wow. I'm 71. There is so much to reflect on, to be in touch with and to see how/why/when things happened. It helps me to understand who I am today. Thank you for this conversation.
I so very much appreciate this conversation. It calmed me, which is no mean feat. So many of us didn't and don't have mentors at key times, at least not ones who are strong in themselves, and well considered about life and how we move through our lives. I will be sharing this with me 36 year old son. As a 62 year old mom of adult sons, hearing you two speak so gently with each other, and with joy and understanding of who you are now and places you've been, and how long some of these growth modes actually take--well, you made my day!
I’m 21 and have definitely been overwhelmed by these kinds of thoughts! I’m so thankful you guys made this video. I feel inspired to commit more time to improving my natural talents and using your videos to understand my inner self a bit more, hopefully working on healing inner hurts that might be inhibiting me. It’s a lot to plan for just one person so getting a mentor would be a great idea too!
I remember very clearly turning 25 and actually feeling my prefrontal cortex being fully formed (not physically of course haha!). I could finally trust my judgement and made way fewer impulsive mistakes from then on
Being the same age as Rich I gained a lot of encouragement to starting from where I am now and making the effort to move towards what I love and want. Thank you
As always, a thoughtful and thought-provoking episode. I thought all the points made here were great. It got me thinking about my twenties (which I’m still in, but the latter half now).
My upbringing was atypical (not to get into any details) and I had the realization that much of what I did/experienced in my early twenties were things that other people normally experienced in their childhood and adolescence. So while I was forced to grow up in many ways, I was (and still am) behind in others. In that vein, I feel more like I’m in the start of my twenties rather than the end because there are so many fundamental things I had missed back then.
Oh my gosh i have to chew on all of these gems!
What a great insightful listening experience.
I appreciate your authenticity🌹
It is a time of uncertainty but excitement; I’m working on appreciating the journey
Lots of good things to keep in mind at any age, I think. Deep bows to you both.
I really want to express my gratitude for this episode! I’ve often yearned for mentors or elders in my life that can offer their wisdom and help guide me along my own path. The wisdom imparted, alongside your humorous and compassionate perspectives, has been deeply reassuring in the struggles I’m presently facing as a 24 year old… especially the lingering anxiety of feeling “behind” or that one must excel at something immediately. I’m grateful to be reminded that progress is the goal. Thank you, Forrest and Rick :)
Hi, I'm relatively new to your channel and loving it. One thing I've noticed from the first episode I watched, and relevant to this episode in particular (where talents are discussed) is how good you are Forrest at both articulating your feelings and at framing your ideas and insights in a clear and accurate manner. This and the expertise and experience of Dr. Rick make your channel helpful and delightful to listen and watch ❤
Exceedingly helpful. I appreciated the exploration of what you like, and what you are good at. Thank you for modeling being a mentor and mentee. It is very useful.
This was an amazing conversation, thank you!
Another great conversation! I recently found your channel and it’s been extremely helpful to my growth. Thank you so much for sharing this kind of content with the world. Related to this topic, I’d love a video on how to make friends as a adult who’s still actively working on their trauma.
What do you love doing is such a good question, it opens the conversation more than What are your hobbies?
This was so helpful and insightful. Very touching as well. Made me tear up with how thoughtful these messages were. I am very glad I found this podcast now but it would have been when better if I had found this in my 20s! (I’m in my late 30s now) But hey the 2nd best time to plant a tree is now! ❤
Every mentoring i ever had apart from my ice skating coach when i was 4yo had derailed my life by waking me up to ill will of orher people. I wish i was still naive and oblivious, I feel like I would fare better on life. It is not for naught that they say the/ignorance is bliss.
❤
I wish I had known that I wasn't intrinsically 'bad' as I was repeatedly told and shown by my mother.
And struggle is good.
/l\ ❤
I can't even imagine my mom speaking about positive skills or assets that I possess in this way, and being able to actually attribute them to me.
I'm well into my 30s. I don't think it's going to happen. 😅
Have you ever considered writing a dialogue with the kind of things a healthy mom should say to you. A dialogue that shows the reality that you wish can happen. Once it’s written you can read it when you need to. You can change things for yourself even if they will never change from the person who could have been a role model for your growth.