Facts you need to know about autism in girls
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- čas přidán 19. 07. 2024
- Let's talk about autism in girls! I discuss gender socialization theory and why autism presents differently in girls. I also talk about autistic traits more commonly seen in girls and I also talk about autistic masking. I am realizing now that I could have been more gender inclusive in my word choices and I apologize for that! I am discussing girls as in people assigned female at birth because we tend to be socialized by gender in a very binary way but obviously autism is autism so this could apply to anyone regardless of gender. As always if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please leave me a comment in the comment section below! I try my very best to answer all my comments.
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ABOUT ME
Hello, for those of you that dont know me my name is Morgan. I am a 22 year old late diagnosed autistic ADHDer from Massachusetts. I am sharing my life on social media in an effort to advocate for autism awareness and break down the stigma surrounding autism and ADHD. I mostly talk about neurodivergent stuff but I also make lifestyle and travel content.
“Non autistic people don’t go around wondering if they’re autistic” YES 🙏🙏
Actually, no. My father is autistic. My parents are divorced. My mother likes to blame things my siblings and I do on autism. Although there is a chance some of us are autistic, every one of us has wondered if we are, no matter how unlikely.
The idea that if you wonder about something, you are that thing is quite damaging, especially to young girls who naturally want to fit in a group. I, personally, identified as trans for 2 years, mostly because I wanted my friends to keep being around me. Other kids will pretend to have interests in things they don't actually like. Some kids I know are going to become doctors even though they hate science. It's just socialisation at thus point, which is as good as masking
@@alexisericson241The fact that your father is autistic means there's a rather good chance that at least one of you are, there is no "no matter how unlikely". It's very strongly rooted in genetics.
This was my biggest problem for years. I just told myself there’s NO WAY I’m autistic. But I definitely am lol
I don't fully agree. Some people go around wondering if they're autistic, because they in fact are autistic, but others may wonder about autism because they have trauma, are very introverted or sensitive or both, or they may have social anxiety, or mental health issues in general. It's sometimes tricky to find out what is the cause for the issues that a person may experience.
@@NerielMi true, though a lot of those things can also be linked to neurodivergence. Such as HSP or highly sensitive person traits were based off of someone who was years later diagnosed with autism.
Mental disorders like social anxiety, OCD, GAD, eating disorders and depression are often given to undiagnosed AuDHDers. Many medical/mental health services now advise that girls or women admitted to hospital with eating disorders be screened for autism. More than ONE THIRD of girls with eating disorders meet the diagnostic criteria for ASD!
Social anxiety is often due to sensory overwhelm and executive dysfunction and a history of social exclusion, rejection and/or bullying for being different or not fitting in, all classic ND traits.
Trauma I agree can be an exception, as there are cases where NT people are traumatised and abused, though again ND people (especially afab ND’s) are MUCH more likely to end up in abusive relationships (and therefore suffer trauma) due to not being able to read the red flags and know/set healthy boundaries.
"Non augistic people dont go around wondering if they're autistic"
Im actually crying rn,help😭
same girl 😭
Im not officially diagnosed but the more i learn about adhd and autism the more my life makes sense.
real
Same!
This!
I got diagnosed with adhd as a kid but now I’m considering it might be autism
Could be both! @@haikuhaikyuu8124
I was raised by very strict parents who didn't "believe" in autism, and I accepted all the issues I faced when I was younger were just due to my personality, and I've been very depressed and full of self-hatred thinking I was just a bad person, going through high school struggling to cope, but this channel and others like this have shown me the challenges I face are probably actually autistic traits, and it's amazing to know I'm not alone, thank you so much for making the content you do and sharing your journey, and helping me recognise some of my own behaviours I didn't even realise were "abnormal"
God bless you ❤
i really relate to this, it was so difficult. i saw professionals growing up and they never bought up any neurodiversity exept dyspraxia which i'm pretty sure my parents kept from me. it's really sad that people hate autism so much unconciously that they'll label autistic traits as bad / what bad people are. really manipulating the image of self. i do not miss being a child holding a burden thinking it's my fault
Im so sorry that you had to go through that, I'm autistic as well, Im now 14 yrs old
OMG, it is so true. I was a child with diagnosed ADHD and undiagnosed ASD in Texas. Corporal Punishment in school and at home because of my ADHD. They'd beat me for things caused by my ADHD, like getting distracted, or disrupting class, answering questions without raising my hand, or talking to someone during the lesson. They'd beat me for problems caused by my ASD too, but they didn't know I had ASD. They knew I had ADHD! That's why it was so messed up! I had the diagnosis, and they would tell me it's not an excuse, then beat me with whatever object they had around. Because spankings would hurt their hands.
When they finally decided to stop beating me a couple years later, they'd make me go run outside to "cure" my ADHD. "You're being too expressive and hyper, go run around to tire yourself out." Great, now I'm tired and embarrassed but still have ADHD. Like trying to cure drunkenness with coffee and a cold shower. Just a cold, wet, wide-awake drunk.
When I changed homes, my mom video taped me doing tics and stims, to try and point out how weird I was, to try and make me stop having them. They even mislabeled every tic to embarrass me about it even more. "You're sniffing your armpits." No, I was just doing a mouth stim while I had a head twist tic.
So, I have this love of science. My special interest is all things science. I thought I could treat away all my trauma. But I've come to realize, I can only cope with trauma in healthy ways. That doesn't get rid of it. I'm doing everything right, but it's still there. I was wrong to think I didn't have trauma because I addressed it in healthy ways. It's just automatic bodily processes. Every trauma test I take, I score very low on, and it suggests I don't have trauma, because the understanding of trauma is poor.
Not diagnosed yet but scored 154 on the RAADS-R test. I did the same thing you did growing up. Copying people to fit in. I never thought to think that I was on the spectrum.
I always thought autism was just full blown dependence on people for everyday life. Well until recently. Yours and a few other channels have been eye opening. Thank you for taking the time for making these videos.
I'm still not diagnosed. I'll be 40 in May! My brother, and my middle son are both on the spectrum since they were young.
I never ever considered myself until a couple of years ago, but I hit most traits.
I think I went under the radar because of a traumatic childhood, and also being an attractive female.
My super power is plants, and random facts!
Yeah, "teen" doesn't sound like a late diagnosis to me. I'm 40 and in the process of getting a diagnosis.
@@heatnicoleheryeah I'm 51 and I don't know how to get diagnosed.
@katrinawoody6268 You could start by contacting your local mental health care center. I'm sure they could put you in touch with someone who does Adult Autism Evaluations. Good luck.
I was just diagnosed last year at 49, it’s never too late! ❤ Just talk to your doctor or you can find psychologists etc online who do adult autism assessments. The problem is HUGE waitlists and if you don’t want to wait you’ll prob have to pay out of pocket and it can be $800-5k depending who you see etc. For me it was worth it, I needed that validation because I was at a point where I didn’t trust my own judgment, even after a lot of research.
I’m 40 too and feel this
I’m 27 and undiagnosed. Recently been accused of being fake when I finally tried to stop masking. Now I’m in this horrible cycle of playing someone else cause no one knows the real me
Do you also stim more? I feel like I supressed my stims a lot in my life
I dont know about you, but I have found family to be the hardest people to be myself around. When ever I have tried to be myself in the past one of them, God forbid more than 1 at a time, will ask "are you okay" me=😐 (with a mass accumulation of emotions going on inside) I will go to a different part of the house and cry.
Since it's so difficult for me to explore being myself to the people who know me, I will go out to the store (any store) and explore being myself. I find it less harsh to be myself around people I don't know because (and this is always what I tell/remind myself). "They don't know you, therefor their judgement of you doesn't matter." Like it doesn't even make the list of things to worry/ruminate about. You should give this a try.
@@buntekarotteI'm living exactly the same as her and yes I do stim more
That's why masking is bad, it makes it impossible to be yourself around others, because they'll assume something is wrong or you're faking it.
Living a lie is the worst thing you can possibly do in life and the fastest route to depression..
I was a late diagnosed autistic as well. I was 15 turning 16. I never got tested for autism growing up because i had no "motor or language impairment' issues and i did very well in school. But i would do things considered not socially appropriate or weird(e.g saying "who are you" to one of my grandmas friend or came up to us and not in a nice way), say my thoughts out loud, loved the feeling of silk tags, could not enter my garage because i hated the smell even though everyone else thought didn't smell) and i started acting out the second half of freshman year. I went to a licensed psychologist and did many different tests ranging from fine motor skills, academic achievement, ADOS (Autistic Diagnostic Observation Schedule), surveying parents and a teacher, etc. etc. I managed to get my Autistic diagnoses the first time i ever had to be tested for it. It has been a huge up and down battle trying to be more socially appropriate but also still be loving and accepting of myself. Your videos have help me so much with learning what are some of my other autistic traits i wasnt aware of.
Be grateful it didn't take until your 30's/40's.
@@heatnicoleher Indeed i am
@@heatnicoleher and even later! I'm 52, and was diagnosed at age 50. It's been very liberating yet depressing. I'm finally to a point where I can be my true self. But this knowledge would have been very helpful in my younger years.
hey, thank you for sharing! i recently found out i could be autistic when i was 15 turning 16, and for the exact same reasons you did 😂 it’s helped confirm my suspicions the more i read people’s experiences as late diagnosed or undiagnosed autistics 😊
I got diagnosed at the same age very recently!
Can I just say that I have recently found your channel because Google has suddenly reminded me that I have autism and I really love your channel because you’re so open and honest and fun and easy to listen to because I don’t know if you’re about you but I have misophonia, and you have an easy voice to listen to, and I just thought I’d let you know that. Keep up the good work.
I 100% agree with you!! Luckily I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 6. But there’s a couple things I don’t like about having autism. 1 of them being that some people have stereotypes about it, like in my school the teachers used to act like we’re dumb or once I was at the bus stop with my mum because I was going to an appointment and a lady asked if I was autistic. When my mum said I was she said she thought I was because I seemed smart. Which, thank you for the compliment but autism is a spectrum and is different for everyone. Not every autistic person is smart. Another thing I don’t like is, basically in year 7 and 8 I had to get the taxi to school because I couldn’t get the bus to school properly. People used to say to me that I’m so lucky that I get a taxi, and I know they probably meant it as a compliment but it didn’t feel like it because to me it’s just another reminder that I’m different
These videos are making me cry. Sometimes I think my brain is trying to hide from me that I’m aware of some of the points in Morgan’s videos. These videos sum up most of my childhood and teenage years. Thank you for reminding me that I am not crazy, delusional, or dumb. Just, tired of always practicing poise and never truly being myself even around my closest friends.
Undiagnosed 43yo…First 20 seconds of this… I was like YES 🙌…YES…🎉. Most of the time I just look at people and go WTF…. Morgan you’re amazing, this video is amazing! Spot on and truly relatable 🫶👌 thank you 🙏 keep them coming ❤ 😊
There needs to be more studies done on ANYONE vs only boys/males. Not only for autism but for ADHD or a combination of both. Seriously, why hasn't this been done in the let's just say last 20+ years?!
Because studying women in a medical sense is e.g. unfortunately often more expensive than studying men, and because studies are supposed to come with very clear results. Studying women often gives not as clear results so these studies are dismissed or, more often, never done, because they are in more danger to be dismissed in publishings, which can highly endanger the career of a researcher as a whole who needs to do a certain number of publishings. That is at least what I've learned from a medical book I've read recently which for example talked about how men can always be tested medically, while for women their periodic cycle often needs to be taken into concern, although I dont know if that is the case with psychological topics as well. The doctor in that book furthermore said that being a researcher comes with a lot of pressure and you're often dependend on getting your researches published to have a career ar all/ to get further financing, so you're trying to do studies that are fast, likely to get published and cheap. I've also heard stories from researchers standing up for finding out more about medical differences between men and women and being shamed for it because they're perpetuating the idea that men and women are biologically different. I'm not an expert so I'm sure there's more and different reasons to it, but to me the fact that women have mostly been medically ignored in the last centuries is a deeply rooted issue that needs a lot of work in different fields to finally get better.
And in case that isnt clear, I totally agree with you that it is outrageous that in 2024 so much in super common medical things isnt known about how it presents in women at all and that it isnt way more of a talked about issue that women need to be studied more medically because most knowledge we have as a society is knowledge about men. Which is kind of insane.
And in case your question was meant sarcastically, sorry for getting that wrong.
@@suzanimhoff2345 we can agree on that! My comment was slightly tinged with sarcasm but mostly frustration, learning about how ADHD affects daily life is something I've been trying to do. Thank you for taking the time to reply!
@@veronicarogers2483 me too! It's very frustrating tapping into something so very common, finding out theres so little research
Thank you for this. I wasn’t diagnosed until 45, and spent all my life despising myself for being broken. Now that I know that I am just different, I’m actually learning to love myself. It has changed everything, just to know that I’m different and not broken.
i love the way that you speak and explain things it feels like having an intellectual/deep convo with a friend and the way you dont skirt around "offensive words" and idk just the way you speak so plainly is so easy to understand. i love your content please keep it up
Fellow late dx'd chameleon here. 🦎 Howdy! 👋🏼 Female nb in my 30s. I really appreciate and learn so much from videos like these. Thank you, Morgan! 🫶🏻
Few years back I was terrified by the realization that I wasnt confident I'd ever had an opinion or tone of voice or personality that was "me." It's been life saving to learn that I'm autistic and ADHD. Glad (among many other rmotions, of course) to have found the folks who speak my language and are processing the dx as well. 🎉
Late diagnosed male, & in my family have both stereotypical experiences of this but both in males. I very much relate to this video; the intense masking & politeness & need to be very articulate to try have my needs met, & then getting to my 20s & hitting the inevitable crisis of not having a clue who I actually am & getting diagnosed. My brother always had a 'more typical' male presentation with lower masking & social skills, & partly hid me growing up because He was what autism looked like, & by comparison I was just a bit 'quirky' but couldn't be autistic. Ironically then because he's not masked to the same extent he's never sought diagnosis, because of never having such an intense identity crisis.
Do feel like I wanna say that although this Is an autism presentation much more prevalent in female autistics it does happen in males too - not to detract from this being an epidemic of undiagnosed high-masking female autistics, but just that as an amab autistic coming across stuff like this it can feel confusing & all over again bring up the 'is it just me' stuff for bits that can often seem like Prevalence more than like a distinct subtype present only in afabs. Autism in women videos often feel to me like general late-diagnosed-high-masking-highly-articulate autism stuff, but focussing on women because of the higher prevalence due to female socialisation.
Really not meaning 'grr women bad', essentially I just feel overlooked at times because the majority of the videos I come across that cover my experience of such extreme masking & identity loss accurately say it's a female autism thing when it's a socialisation thing that's more likely in afabs.
Idk
You're absolutely right. I think the main issue is that it's female/afab creators sharing their experiences of this, so they're seeing things from their perspective. But also keep in mind the fact that autism is still very much seen as something that occurs in boys and not girls, so it's natural that afab autistic people are more likely to push back against that once they get their diagnosis/self-diagnose.
But your experience is valid too and I'm sorry you feel alienated by the choice of language. You're not alone.
@@JoULove You put into words why I feel no blame or upset towards any of these creators in a way that I hadn't put together quite so well, thanks.
& this is really lovely, thank you for taking the time & your kind words. Feeling seen is such a gift, thank you :)
Same! I’m speculating around the idea of me mirroring my mom more than my dad. My dad was kind of absent in terms of practicing general ‘’life skills’’ to me, and I can remember that asked myself a lot when I was young, which one of them did I want to become more like.
@@aonain09 interesting! For me my mum was the absent one, with my dad the more 'motherly' & her the father with the negative emotions to avoid. For me I think mine may come from emotional neglect & trying to be to others what I needed, which was calm, quiet & accepting, gentle, not take up any space with my stuff etc. Always good to see how different roots can cause similar outcomes
@@c0niferal Trying to be to others what I needed myself resonates waaay to much bro, I wasn’t ready!! lol. Both of my parents were emotionally absent, very immature so to speak. I recall now that the dilemma of which one of them I wanted to become more like became clearer and clearer the older I got. I had to switch up my focus and mirror other adults which I looked up to. Approval seeking behavior has maybe taken the most toll on me. How do you deal with the emotional neglect? Have you come in contact with your feelings in a manageable way? I feel you, and I’m really sorry you had to go through that shit…
"Shes just shy" Was my ENTIRE CHILDHOOD - I was NOT a traditional little girl, very tomboy and played only independently, did not get along well with other kids, my energy always seemed different than everyone around me. I have heard a lot of people say they copied other people (valid), but I feel like I did the exact opposite because I had no option of fitting in. I was already perceived as weird and shy VERY early on so any social interaction was met with hostility. Instead, I vented all my energy into being hyperlexic, I was at a college reading level by 4th grade and never had any friends because I would spend hours avoiding everyone reading constantly. And I was never diagnosed because I was just the smart, shy girl... but all the other kids DEFINITELY knew I was weird, like crazy, not normal weird, and did not hesistate to let me know how they felt about me.
I read a quote somewhere that one of the straightest thru lines for people with undiagnosed autism (maybe less so for kids who copied and masked) is having experienced bullying/ostracization in school because kids naturally group together and learn behaviors and the kids that dont... are weird in some inexplicable way that the other kids can sense and usually dont like
Girl, thank you! Your channel is so wonderful and really has helped me a lot! ❤
Thank you, Morgan, this all makes perfect sense to me and I love how you talk and present it (definitely will try to copy you when I talk to others about autism). Thank you, thank you, that I learn so much from you. I believe my 16yo daughter to be a highly masking autistic girl and the more I get into it the more I think she might have inherited from me and that might be the reason why she seemed unnormal and too quirky to others but not to me. To me she was always totally normal because isn't it part of a mom's duty to teach how to - well, let's call it mask???? So much in my life makes sense now. But so many fears arrive - I wish I could help my daughter better.
However. So nice to follow you and get food for thought from you. ❤
Morgannn, you're free to be your full autistic self with us! :) Masking is so hard and uncomfortable. as a young man with autism, I can attest to this. I've had experiences of rejection because of it. Luckily I've come to discover that this was the dilemma and that all signs point to autism (with less strong signs of ADHD) I've felt this sense of insurmountable difficulty socially, being torn between authenticity and being likeable in social situations (and the trauma of not understanding why these can't be compatible, if I'm simply out here just being a goof and not being harmful). I've chosen to be more myself when I have the chance. Masking is like putting on a really tight and odd fitting jacket, where I have to sometimes guess how to properly wear it, i.e. what other people think is appropriate and how I should respond to any given social situation. The social things people do are just not self-evident to me at all and I have to learn by observing others so as to not cause others to be disturbed. All of those accomodations don't feel right but we gotta co-exist. I hope we're supporting a culture where the parts of autistic peoples selves that are actually dope and strong can gain acceptance love and nurturing in the neurotypical world, having them meet us halfway so that our differences can be respected and understood rather than just blindly hated on ...we all deserve to be comfortable being ourselves and im super pumped with the awareness this channel is spreading! ❤
Hiya - here after what looks JUST like I had autistic burnout.
Thanks for being on here and giving us info!
i got yelled at by a girl for “trying to steal her boyfriend” WE HAD A CASUAL CONVERSATION ABOUT DOGS- i was like oh i’m sorry maybe i have a flirtatious personality? and she told me “oh i didnt know you apparently had that” and i was like ME EITHER? i’m just grasping for straws i promise i didnt want a relationship with him like that! and then i find out i have autism..
Thank you for the content you make! I was kinda thinking I might have autism, and finding your videos pointed out a lot more things that I do that could point to autism. I don't know if I'll find out for sure any time soon, but it's helping me undersand myself better. And it's definitely a possibility that I am autistic cuz my little sister is officially diagnosed.
Ooh, I am like number 777. And here, have another comment! You're doing good work. You're very articulate, and explain everything so well. Thanks again
Im learning about autism and developing kinda like an special interest of mine now with all these new informations that im gathering. Im not diagnosed officially by a psychiatrist (although my psychologist does think i fit the boxes), but the more I read and ask about, the more everything clicks. Im from Brazil and here is a mess, everything is a joke and there is a lack of programs on the subject. But honestly, its bein a journey. Thanks for the content and yes, you were absolutelly cohesive thought the entire video (and others ones too!) and i could understand you completely.
Looking normal but not being normal is the worst because people don’t understand.. they expect you to behave normal. I made many enemies just because I apparently don’t smile when appropriate and they think I’m mean without knowing me. And what actually happens I’m just in my own little world and don’t always understand when to smile or what to say.
My parents had me take modeling classes as a teenager just to teach me how to walk normally and give eye contact. They always made fun of whatever my special interests were, so I learned to hide those too (weird animals and video games). My late diagnosis has made so much of my life make sense. So far, only my sister believes it. But that’s okay I guess. What’s most important is that I know it. I not just weird. I am autistic!
Love this video, makes soo much sense for my young daughter.
Thanks so much for your videos. From them i look at my own life and think im on the spectrum but more importantly i think my daughter also is. Im not worried about myself but more about my daughter.
Ive been self diagnosing myself with ASD for a bit and this was my sign to know ive more likely than not im masking my autism because my oldest sister is very well-spoken despite her ADHD and i copy when shes in important situations like talking to a school teacher etc.
I didn't know you studied sociology, I love sociology, I could listen to you talk about sociology all day
Proud to be one of the 20%!
Thank you for your channel and content 💞
I’m a male but I resonate a lot with the copying behaviors subconsciously. Finding out I was autistic would’ve been worse I think if I didn’t have a friend call me out on my tendencies in highschool. I think I was a freshman he was a junior. And he simply asked “are you cool?” And I’m like, “I don’t know I guess it depends on if someone thinks I’m cool or not” and he said “no, don’t wait for someone else to decide if you’re cool. You don’t have to act differently to try to fit in. If you’re cool, that’s up to you” or something to that effect. But it caused me to think and reflect and realize that I’ve been mimicking people my whole life to try to “be cool” and so I decided I needed to figure out who I myself was. Otherwise I probably would’ve had an identity crisis when I found out 15 years later. I still did it through highschool and college subconsciously but it probably would’ve been worse if it wasn’t for that guy.
at 10 I was diagnosed as autistic, I was only diagnosed because I had spent the entirety of my life masking and it finally became to much, causing me to suddenly act very autistic, I started masking again although I had support at home now, that was 2 years ago and I'm working on not masking in front of close friends
The PERIOD AND MELTDOWN thing is so relatable ughh!
The masking mimicking thing is very relatable I’m so used to mimicking that when I hang around my southern friend I start talking with a southern accent without realizing
I also relate on not really knowing who I was or what I even liked. After getting out of a toxic marriage I've started to really try to get to know the real me so I can be me.
I know this has nothing to do with the content of the video but your eyes are so beautiful!!
As a level 2 autistic person, I can honestly say that if you ever meet me you will never have to mask your symptoms in front of me, I don’t think that it’s a big deal to mess up in social situations to me because you’re not hurting anyone by making mistakes in your social life
To all autistic people watching this, I love you for your special interests and how unique you truly are.
I love you guys!! ❤😊😊😊
#autisticlove #autisticpeopleareawesome
As an AFAB nonbinary person, I'm happy you brought this up! Being socialized as a girl in my childhood definitely impacts many different things in the future for AFAB nonbinary people diagnosed with Autism and/or ADHD and brings a whole new challenge for them. Thank you for sharing
Wow I’m learning so much thanks for sharing
Mentioning overstimulation brought up this sudden memory of how my parents told me that the school wanted to hold me back in kindergarten because I was "tender-heated" (cried all the time). I was probably overstimulated from being around so many kids and people I didn't know all the time and not knowing how I was supposed to act. Other kids also bullied me, but I think I was just weird to them because I didn't want to be around any of them. Being unsociable as a little girl is a fool-proof way to get picked on, I think.
Edit for the chameleon comment: I feel the same way. I feel like I'm an amalgamation of all the people I've been around and admired how successful they were socially. I didn't even have opinions of my own for a long time. Everyone has someone that they expect you to be, and I would try to fit whatever seemed appropriate for the person/group. When my partner asked me out, I wasn't sure what part he liked, and tried to get him to tell me what he expected in the relationship. "I just want you." Very sweet, but that was incredibly unhelpful to me at the time. Thankfully, he has given me the space to begin finding myself under all the layers I'd built up.
Wow 80%?! OMG! I am SO GLAD that my parents saw the signs when they did and got the diagonasis when i was still a toddler .
i am in my fifties, undiagnosed, and spend almost every waking moment of my free time googling the etymology of words, researching different towns, people, etc. I can't stop researching things, especially studying Bible verses. When i was in my mbti phase, i could not stop researching it. I literally cannot stop researching. I sucked my thumb until fifth grade (in private), played with barbie dolls until sixth grade, and was so shy in seventh grade i had to see the school psychologist because of my shyness. When i was a kid i was obsessed with star trek. I can talk for hours about the different religious doctrines i have studied and the different personality types but at almost 53 i only have four dollars (literally) in my checking account and am currently looking for a job but searching for positions like dishwasher, janitor, stock person, or cart attendant because i feel i am burned out on masking and do not feel i can ever again handle a medical coding job or customer service job. Oh, and as you can tell by this post, i overshare. Yet i feel if i went for an assessment they would tell me i couldn't possibly be autistic.
THE HUUM FLIRTING OH MY GOD!!!
story of my life really
. I have had like way more online boyfriends then I have ever had friends my entire life.. and like, significantly more
it's like I was just constantly dating and it was only this year and last where it really wasn't so much which meant I was just alonee...
so it's like..
either you're dating someone.
or you're alone.
that's how my life has been .
and like what if I want friends and not to date someone because it would be too much for me now because I am too fragile?
theeen
I just gotta stay lonely and alone !
Like the things I do to get along with others and show appreciation to them can be misinterpreted as flirting or being in love.. as I'm often misunderstood..
when really it's like wow, someone noticed me for the very first time when I am always invisible! you made me exist!! I appreciate you so much for that!!
I relate to this highly. I nearly didn’t get diagnosed because I masked so well. It wasn’t until my mum pointed out how I just got up and walked to the toilet in the middle of the my assessment without saying anything that she realised how heavily I was masking. I didn’t know how to leave and go appropriately. This was in my own house. She thought doing the assessment at mine would make me more comfortable but I was just as on edge at mine
Omg coffee makes me talk too lol 😂
I never knew I was doing it as a kid but looking back, I def masked. I think I used TV for references on how to talk/act with my peers. I would come home from school exhausted from masking all day. My son it was trains, cars, etc... He was diagnosed at 9, I'm 40 and undiagnosed but I'm pretty sure I'm autistic too.
Me, undiagnosed: I don't have special interests
My 3k+ hour save file in Skyrim: EXCUSE ME!?!
I'm seeing my psychiatrist at the end of the month. I want to get evaluated because I exhibit so many of these traits. Thank you
Hi! I love that you like to express yourself through makeup. What would be ideal shopping atmosphere for autistic females?
This is so real. ❤ I feel so seen.
I didn’t know you were from Mass! As a fellow autistic girl from Mass, it would be really cool to connect (if you’re cool with it)! I don’t know anyone who is openly autistic. It’s hard to find others :(
I’ve been considering adhd for a while but I’ve really been looking at autism as well recently. The problem I’m struggling with is trying to remembering my early childhood years as I’m a teen rn. Been obsessively going through old videos and pictures and looking for and autistic traits 😭😭
After watching your videos and others like Paige Layle or Mom on the Spectrum I think I’ve developed autism radar. I never tell anyone I suspect they’re autistic cause that’s not my place but in my head I’m like “🎶 I know something about yooooouu” 😂 honestly I think any female friend I’ve had was either autistic or ADHD or both.
The more I learn the more I am convinced that I am autistic. I’ve identified as an HSP since 2007. ADHD-I diagnosis at 46, but it wasn’t a full on neurocognitive evaluation. At this point I’ll never get an official diagnosis. 48, multiple sclerosis which has caused disability. My lifetime of masking has literally made me ill. Even my early stimming behaviors were taken away. My nervous system never stood a chance. But the damage is done. I don’t have the energy to figure it all out, and especially with my epically shitty HMO insurance, but just knowing has allowed healing that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. Thank you!
I have to wonder for myself, looking back on my life, if I was developing masking mechanisms at different phases- when I was in kindergarten and first grade, I nearly had to repeat because of my lack of participation. I remember being practically mute, especially around my teacher (who was honestly very kind), when I was in kindergarten. By first grade, I already knew how to read, but was still in the process of "figuring out school." Once I got to second grade, I understood what my role was and everything was fine, until I got to student teaching in college, which I almost failed. Being in front of the classroom was a completely new experience for me, and it felt almost as if I had blinders on in class- just get through the lesson plan. For a brief stint, I was in a religious community in my 20s, which was really unhealthy for me, mentally. Not only did I constantly feel misunderstood, but I had issues most notably with hyperfocus, not coping with things when they were out of routine, and rejection sensitivity.
I didn't realize or even consider i was autistic until i had gotten into recovery after spending most my 20s masking and self medicating 😅
😭😭😭
You have helped me bit by bit realize what I have been doing my entire life…
The "perceived as flirty" thing, I think I've got the reversed going on. I'm often told "you're pretty and elegant, but you look scary, moody and unapproachable". I don't want to scare people away, I don't know what I'm doing that makes people think that... Watching your videos, I'm starting to understand things about myself and the way others see me.
Just got diagnosed almost a year ago as a teen! It answered so many questions about myself
I already had a identity crysis before diagnosis. So it was more of a relief for me. Until then I was diagnosed ocd and bipolar. But I was autistic
Thank you Morgan
It took months for me to be comfortable with makeup, it was so hard to accept the feeling of things on my face and my lips
Hey thank you for this video. I've been wondering if i might be autistic for a few years now.
I recognize myself so much in many autistic traits, but not really on others, because i became so good at small talk and putting myself "out there", i make so much efforts to make people comfortable around be to the point it becomes exhausting for me (my boyfriend always tells me, why do you care so much if they're comfortable ?! He doesn't care at all lol)
I confessed my thoughts to a psychiatrist that had a phone interview with my mom to talk about early signs of autism but my mom told us i didn't have trouble communicating, pointing or looking as a toddler, so my psychiatrist told me it would be very unlikely that i'd have autism, he thinks i might have ADHD. Thing is, i think my mom and dad are on the spectrum too (psychiatrist didn't flinch when my mom told him she never got out of the house when we were kids, and that she didn't know how i behaved with kids other than my siblings because we never went to the park or social events).
I don't know what to think about all this, i'm 30 and have been struggling with relationships and executive dysfunction my whole life, i had a major depression at 15 that made me almost lose interest in my lifelong obsession with horses (i still have 5 horses to take care of but i kinda lost the spark...)
I thought i finally explained my failures and that i would finally give myself a break but this interview made me think maybe i'm heading in the wrong direction... What do you guys think ?
i love playing with my hair :') and yeah it gets looked at as flirting as well
I’ve always known I stole characteristics I liked in people who were very well liked by others bc I just liked those quirky traits. It was never planned, I just seemed to pick it up and it became a part of me and I always phrased it “adopting personality traits” lol but I had no idea it was a trait of autism. I didn’t know anything at all about autism until I heard people discussing it and I became obsessed with the subject
Like I have intense interest in video games and I've always been highly interested in gender since I was in kindergarten and started learning about gender differences. My favorite show ever was community and still is lol
Its actually funny, as an autistic person I never had these difficulties. I never developed masking at a young age simply because I wasn't pushed or taught to be "Feminine" "poised" or "perfect". I wasn't taught that at all, and if people thought I wasn't super feminine then they didn't say it. Of course as a kid, as a little girl, I loved girly things. I really liked to wear dresses, to do my makeup, paint my nails. I also really loved to wear dresses or skirts. But it was always perceived as girly or just me being a girl. For the makeup and painting my nails part, I just genuinely liked it. But for the dresses and skirts part, I didn't really wear dresses or skirts because I was girly or because I just liked to. For me it was a comfort reason. I had a lot of difficulties with pants, socks, and even underwear. So it was just easier to wear a T-shirt and a skirt or shorts or just a simple dress. But being an only child I did express weird and even abnormal traits. For example, since I was an only from since I was born I was used to my own bubble and having silence. But imagine an only child, who's autistic, transitioning into a public school with other kids who don't understand volume and are super loud. Yeah, that wasn't great. I don't remember this at all, but apparently I often went into panic mode because of it(told from my mom). And whenever we would have firedrills and I wasn't aware of it I would apparently scream bloody murder because of the noise cause I wasn't used to these things or loud noises. I might not have developed masking or been told to be perfect and to look a certain way, but I was bullied a lot verbally as a little kid. At school I was often called a "crybaby" because I would cry over small things that happened(but for me weren't small things) but I think I reacted in a form of crying because I didn't know how to react or to regulate my emotions. Even though I didn't develop masking how I present myself, I did start to feel a need to isolate myself from people by the 4th-5th grade. I also felt a need to hide my emotions when I felt sad, overwhelmed, or angry(which obviously isn't a good thing, since what I was doing was bottling up emotions that I had). And what's funny is that I never got along with other girls my age(now its not so bad since Im older, but I still don't get along with as many girls who don't know me) and I have always got along with boys my age. Idk why, maybe its because they are more straightforward and chill than girls? But a lot of girls just never liked me either for some reason.
But another reason I think I never masked was because I was always raised to be myself and to only care about my opinion and no one else's.
I've always had special needs, as a child, but growing up in the 80s and 90s, no one had ever mentioned Autism. I've been in special ed classes, and my family and my teachers have always helped me, as best as they could, but I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome until 2000. It was hard to accept, at first, but now that I'm older (I'm 45), I've been more accepting of it, even though it still presents challenges. For instance, I still have to ask people when they're making a joke. And yes, it is a different experience, being a woman. For example, as much as I like my male friends who are on the Spectrum, I'd like to have some more female friends, who are also on the Spectrum. I do have a few, but people like that are hard to find. However, I do tend to get along well with non-autistic types, like my younger sister's friends.
Does anyone else find that they, as Autistic females, tend to get along with both Autistic and non-Autistic females?
MY SISTER IS AUTISTISK AND I FINALLY UNDERSTAND HER BETTER TYSM IM LITRALLY CRYING RN
I got diagnosed 3 TIMES!! and I still doubt sometimes when I masking because of bad representation on media...
My doctor literally said to me "you're not autistic. My SON is autistic."
How my lack of eye contact was perceived depended on the audience. Unfortunately, I didn't learn that until I was 29.
I can't imagine my parents doing nothing if my brother came home upset in Jr. High because he was fighting with *all* of his friends, *again*, but that was "just how girls are."
I don't remember engaging in psychological torture against other girls, but maybe my memory is bad.
❤Youre awesome. Thank God your channel exists! God bless! Lmfao at Cos playing as a neurotypical. Yep.😂
I (36F) have recently started therapy because of burn out. I suggested to my therapist that I might be autistic (I have 3 brothers on the spectrum), and the asked a couple of questions like "do you have trouble making eye contact" and "do you have specific interests" and then concluded that there was no cause to investigate further. I kinda don't have the energy now to do more about it, although I am planning on asking a friend of mine (who got diagnosed at 30), if she has contact information for me to follow up on this. Because the amount of my energy that goes into a social gathering it insane. I might not be the most autistic, but I certainly don't feel "normal" 😞
For me, a lot of people have wondered if I'm autistic (including my own mum) but I don't think I am. I have some of the same outward behaviours (like intense fidgeting, knowing a lot about random topics, sometimes taking things literally) but my inner experience and my childhood just doesn't fit peoples' testimonies of their autism. I think for me it might be cptsd and/ or adhd.
There can be a lot of overlap. It took me years to figure out the autism as most of my symptoms were covered by CPTSD...but it still felt like I was missing something .
Is autism also the reason that I feel numb and want to cry everytime someone yells at me that I'm female
Maybe gender dysphoria?
@@Catlily5 yep.. Got that
Hi I am a teen girl with autism, and I am so used to masking. But I don’t often script phrases that I want to say before saying it. I only script when I have so much to say. So I often speak in a blunt and truthful way, I lost some of my friends due to this reason. My autism is mild and also I mask like pretty much all the time so people don’t know I have autism and they think I am being mean / rude. There’re also times that I cannot mask cuz of too much pressure. Last year, after finishing my exam, I am so worried about my grades that I just can’t mask. I started stimming all day, vocal stimming, twirling…. My parents were worried. 😢
9:45... I got really good at masking for an entirely different reason, while just recently over 30s years later I found out I was diagnosed as a kid but my parents never told me because they chose to not believe it, but anyways I was not just autistic but also trans at the same time even though I wouldn't learn what trans was and be able to be my true self till much more recently, so not only did I have to mask autism but I also had to put on a persona to mask the fact I am trans, so not only did I have to act neurotypical but I also had to act like a boy/man when I am a trans woman, so I had to combine and wear two separate masks for the better part of 3 decades.
I was technically diagnosed with autism at 11 years old but found out at 16 years old. I’m actually really curious about how our symptoms are different from boys
i think my special interest is like- animals. mainly dogs. i know so much about dogs and when people ask me about them i will fully dump on them (probably make them feel weird afterwards). or gilmore girls. i know so much about that show😭 (i don’t have diagnosed autism)
You mention a video about autism and pretty privilege, but it doesn't seem to be on your channel. Was it removed or have you just not uploaded it yet?
I watched this 9 signs you're not autistic video by other autistic creator, and I understood I might be autistic as well. I don't think I mask though (other creator talks about masking in girls too) - I kinda don't care that I behave "unusual". Well maybe I mostly mask my interests, because of that socializing thing, fine example are video games, I've been told by my granny that video games are only for kids (although there's a lot of them for ages 16/18 and above) and I'm 35, other things I don't like talk to people about is liking rock and metal music, anime, comics, collecting stuff about my favorite games and comic series, because of the fact they won't understand and/or won't share the interests and might find them childish or inappropriate for woman in hers mid 30ies.
I was told the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so I tried to never mask in hopes I would finally understand myself. I still didn't get diagnosed till I was in my mid 30's. 🤬
Thanks for sharyng❤
I think I might be autistic but I'm really worried that I'm just being dramatic and I'm not currently able to get an autism assessment. But I've started compiling a list of autistic traits in teenage girls and taking different online autism tests which helps with the imposter syndrome :]
I felt that way before I was diagnosed. Still do after. I definitely encourage you to become self-diagnosed so you can be able to have a piece of mind 💕
@@jazmineabelard3397 thank you this genuinely made my day :)
fr 🧍🏼♀️
@@jazmineabelard3397doing that would make me feel weird, like i’m lying idk 😭
@@xfreja it’s the self gaslighting. I caught myself thinking that “i am totally lying, there is no way” but then every action reminded me that it is accurate. I didn’t self-diagnose though because I didn’t feel comfortable about putting a label on myself until I was sure but I learned that it is actually common in the neurodivergent community after being formally diagnosed. I self assessed myself and it was the same results as my actual results but I decided to not take it too seriously until it was actually true. If you happen to self assess on the internet (there is actually an accurate site that does), take it with a grain of salt so you won’t be weirded out until the actual results
😭 this hit so hard. learning how to unmask at age 34
I don’t think I’m autistic. But do people expect me to stare into their eyes the entire conversation?
I a 'woman' found out that I was autistic at 42. I can't tell you upset and relieved I was to find out.
I have a son who is non verbal autistic him and I have a lot of the same quirks. I've always tried my best to hide my stims and quirks because I learned at a young age that it wasn't 'normal'. I was made fun of my family and friends.
80% is a crazy statistic. I needed a third time of hearing it to believe it, 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️.
I'm hoping to go to therapy soon and possibly get a screening as long as it's not too expensive. But I have always been very engaged with communication and I wasn't raised as a girl but I think it's possible that my interest in girl social groups through my life has sort of pushed me to girl autism presentation potentially. I'm going to talk to a specialist about it
Yes exactly, and people don't understand that masking all the time for work or social actvitiy causes meltdowns and makes you feel overwhelmed, sick, and awful. It's exhausting and makes you miserable. The second your alone to sleep or walk in and don't either live with anyone or go to your room alone, wheneevr you aren't in front of everyone, the exhaustion hits...so hard...and takes a huge toll on you.
I also really like Friends if I have nothing to watch I will just rewatch friends [btw I really like your channel]
i literally have watched friends (all seasons) 9 times!! in 1 year…
Wow!! I get it. I know what I did now. Thank u soo much! Finally I get my identity crisis I had. Thank u sooo very much!!
Couple of interesting things here. I am not officially diagnosed and am not paying for an assessment for myself (yet), but do have ADHD and a psychiatrist who thinks there's a strong chance I'm autistic. I notice signs of ADHD and/or autism in both my son and daughter, but they're super young, waiting for assessment. My son is very external, my daughter is very much the quiet "away with the fairies" type. She tends to have sensory issues but is much better at looking at people and socialising. But she's been that way since she was like 1, and she's only 3 now, so she didn't have time to be socialised in a particular way (and for what it's worth, I don't believe in that crap anyway). I understand that the socialisation aspect compounds the issue, but I think they can present differently from the outset, based on my admittedly anecdotal experience.
The flirting bit was funny to me, both my mother and I have had that issue, and I'm in my early 30s now. It's an inherently misogynistic view as well, because honestly sometimes it feels like no matter what you do you're accused of flirting. Whether you're avoiding eye contact or talking animatedly. Imagine having that kind of arrogance, that you think women are almost always flirting with you.
When I was in kindergarten my teacher told my mom she wanted to hold me back cuz I wasn't acting like others or interactimg with others. I would just be in the corner doing my own thing. And my teacher told me mom that she wanted to hold me back a grade or 2 because she felt like "something was wrong with me" or that I might have some "mental health issues" and so the only way the teacher would advance me to first grade and up she told my mom to put me in therapy cuz I wasn't acting right and I was making the other kids and teachers be freaked out cuz I was such a weird and abnormal child. I was put in therapy at age 5 and all they found was anxiety and depression and that's all they thought I had so that's all they focused on and treated me for for the next 15-30 years. Now here I am in my 30s and I fell likey mind is in runins and I'm having a bad mental breakdown every few months to every few years and I'm completely different then others and I could just tell I had more things wrong then just the anxiety and depression I've had since childhood...went and got tested......found out I have learning disabilities (which explains why I struggleed with my school work back in the day), anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, and autism. I'm also blind in my right eye and I have profound hearing loss....I have been really struggling to come to terms with who I am as my own person after going 30 years of unknown masking and trying to figure out who I actually am without any input from other ppl but I feel completely lost, I can't do anything or make any kind of a decision on my own without asking others for their thoughts and opinions. I honestly feel like I'm not even allowed to move off my bed at all without getting permission from everyone I live with to make sure it's ok for me to be out of my bed and walking around the common areas of the house. I'm afraid to leave my house cuz I'm always so afraid of something bad happening to me cuz one I have paralyzing fear of walking out the door and two I have hearing loss so not knowing what's happening in my personal space bubble give me more anxiety. I can't go to a Drs appointment or an interview or meeting without haveing a friend or my boyfriend go with me cuz I can't hear well enough to talk to/communicate with others and that also makes leaving home to do anything even harder. I can't even go to work anymore, I had to quit my restraunt job cuz due to my bad hearing as it slowly got worse as I grew up over time it became harder and hard to hear at work and over time I started making more mistakes and have more accidents cuz I couldn't hear things/people around me with hands full of stuff/hot things and people ended up getting hurt and so after a fewonths of struggling like that and having my bosses and co worker constantly yelling at me and getting mad cuz i couldn't perform as well as I use to and was causeing to many mistakes I had to quit and leave cuz I didn't feel safe in that job role anymore and I didn't wanna keep getting yelled at for my hearing loss when there's nothing I can do to fix it. I went to a Dr and they said my hearing loss is permanent and will continue to get worse and hearing aids won't be able to help me so there's nothing more they could do for me and so I have no way to fix my hearing issue and I can't find a new job cuz I can't hear well enough to get this an interview and no one will hire me and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been jobless for nearly a year, my boyfriend has to financially support me right now cuz I have no income and all my bills are past due and collecting interest. I've been trying to figure out a way I could work from inside my apartment but I don't know the first thing about how to do that so I'm stuck with going out and trying to get a fast food place job but I can't because I can't hear well enough but I don't have any skills or degree in any other field so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and don't know what to do. I signed up for food stamps 3 months ago but they just cut me off cuz I haven't shown any proof of a job or volunteer type work or schooling of some kind. I have been busting my ass for months to try and find a new job in order to keep my food stamps active but I haven't found anything so they cut me off and they are saying I can not re apply for food stamps again for 3 years......what. I supposed to do at this point?? Where do I go do a job?? Who do I talk to?? I've been trying to find a way to get on social security disability for all my physical and mental disabilities but every time I try applying they keep denying me saying that I've held down jobs in the past so I'm not considered as disabled and that with my mental health issues I don't have enough documentation proofing my mental disabilities cuz most of them are fairly new even tho I have been dealing with it all my entire life and only just recently got properly diagnosed and so without 2+ years of documentation showing my illness and how it effects my life and how medication isn't helping it and so without that documentation they keep saying I'm not considered as disabled even tho I have been dealing with all of theses for nearly 30 years but because i only got diagnosed a couple months ago. I was in therapy for my anxiety and depression from age 5-18 but it never helped me correctly cuz I wasn't properly diagnosed and also my mom was emotionally abusive to me but she would force me not to talk about it while in therapy, I was only ever allowed to talk about how my anxiety and depression make it hard for me to make friends if I told my therapist about all the shit myom did and said to me my mom would have killed me. My mom was physically disabled and couldn't walk on her own so she made me take care of her like a live in nurse. I had to cook for her, feed her, bathe her, change her, bring her to the toilet to do her business, walk her around the house, get her into bed....plus I had to keep up with my grades cuz if I got anything less then a C she would be at my ass, she knew I struggle with understanding and doing the work so she obviously didn't expect me to get perfect As and honer roll, but she at least wanted me to get a decent passing grade. She would make up all these crazy rules I was forced to follow. I wasn't allowed to ever leave the house without her other then for school and since she couldn't drive or walk we barely ever left the house, I wasn't allowed to speak to anyone she didn't know. So if the person wasn't a family member, or a school staff, or person of authority then I was not allowed to speak to them...even when at school, I was not allowed to speak to other kids at school, I was not allowed to make or have friends without my mom going down to the scyto meet the kid and find out where they lived and then go over and meet the parents and she would integrate them like she works for the FBI or something it was fuckin crazy. Asking how they raised there kids, what they allow their kids to eat, when their kid goes to bed, how thire kid behaves and treats others, how they disaplin their kid, where they work, what they do for thire job...and just on and on with insane questions she did not need to know.....so I just kept to myself and didn't talk to anyone and didn't make any friends all Thu out my 12 years of school because I was afraid of anyone finding out how crazy my mom was and they wouldn't want to.me by friend anyway o.ce they see how crazy she it.....I did not get a single real friend in my life until i was in my late 20s and had been moved out of moms place for a couple years
Morgan: or like a manic pixie dream girl
What I think of: Be the manic pixie dream girl that you fcking ought to be
WAS MELANIE REFERING TO AUTISM
(yes I know she wasn't but it's still a connection that my brain automatically made despite the context)
My 16 year old said the other day, "We should go get diagnosed together!" Come on executive functioning, dont fail me now! But seriously, it is daunting to think about choosing a doctor and going there to potentially be Austism doubted and splained... Sigh.