Although I (male) half-expect to get metaphorically crucified by some for saying this, by way of someone shrieking about 'mansplaining' or whatever, but I am going to put it out here anyway, so that maybe someone may glean something helpful from it regardless. First off: Why don't men approach women anymore? The short answer are three words: "Social" Media & MeToo Why? Because in recent years there have been more and more cases where women have posted videos on so-called "social" media (there really isn't anything social about it in my opinion, but I digress) where they labeled men as creeps for things as minor as looking in their general direction or saying hello to them. All so that they have something to put on social media for clout and attention from fellow women. And this is the still the best possible case as far as men are concerned. The worse case would be that said woman who recorded them then complains to the local staff, for example at a gym, claiming she feels "unsafe" because of that man. Nine times out of ten this is going to result in the man being kicked out of the gym, his membership revoked. And this still isn't the worst case yet, as you may begin to realize by now. The worst case would be that the woman levels false accusation about transgressions against the man. Mind you, I am explicitly saying FALSE accusations. Actual transgressions ought to be prosecuted and punished accordingly, but sadly, there have been plenty of women levelling false accusations against men to deliberately destroy their careers, livelihoods, social circles, and sometimes even them man in question himself. (one prominent example of such false allegations involves a certain actress with the initials A.H. ) Even if only one in a million women were to stoop so low, it does not matter to men. The precedent is set. Why approach women if THIS is one of the possible outcomes? Because of all of this men are more likely not to initiate anything at this point anymore. So if you have a man you are interested in, he will need more than just a huge green-flag from you. And I am NOT talking about dropping subtle hints here either! For that it is way too late after what I mentioned in the paragraphs above. You, ladies, will have to initiate things, now that some women ruined the traditional ways of finding relatonships for all of you. And when doing so, I strongly recommend to also brace yourself for the same kind of rejection, men have had to deal with for centuries. That said, here is one more piece of advice from a man, if you want it: Your looks are (by and large) secondary to us. Sure, being attractive helps you get the metaphorical foot in the door, but ultimately your attractiveness will begin to fade at some point - whether you like to admit it or not. And if you want a man to remain faithfully by your side you will be needing something else instead. Something that is more enticing to a man than a cute face: An endearing personality. Put bluntly: Why would I as a man want a relationship with a woman who has the looks of a super model, but the personality of a brick wall? Or one who is as abrasive as a wood chipper? It is said that men are simple creatures - and to an extent that is true. What do I mean by that? There are three things a man values above all else: Peace, purpose, and respect. But wait! What about love? Love, as in that feeling of belonging with someone is part of what I called respect up there. Let's start with that, shall we? You see, a well-adjusted mature man is typically very much aware that respect is not something to be demanded, but rather it is earned by way of how we conduct ourselves. For instance showing one's partner the respect they deserve as our chosen mate - and getting the same from them in return. It also includes respecting each other's boundaries - inside and outside the bedroom. Respect also includes a measure of trust in that person - because if you didn't trust them to do the right thing, you'd hardly respect them, now would you? Compatibility is a key word here, but it also ties into something else: Peace. What do I mean by that? To a man a relationship is an environment where he seeks to be able to be vulnerable - where he can allow himself to let his guard down, without having to worry that his mate weaponizes whatever he entrusts them with against him - or for clout on social media. Yes, if there are problems in a relationship, these need to be addressed and worked out - no question about that, but the important point here is how that is done. More to the point: How it is NOT done. Specifically, the last thing a man wants in a relationship is being subjected to the blame game, bringing up things from long ago he had considered resolved, or worse: weaponizing what he had elected to entrust to his mate. This right here is a relationship-killer. If there is a problem, nail down what it is, and then ask: "How do we fix it, if it can be fixed?" Once a solution is found, implement it, and move on. Do not start drama over it! Because drama will only poison your relationship and erode away the connection you had with your mate. Because when drama undermined the sense of peace your man has felt with you, he will leave you and search for his peace elsewhere - and you will only have yourself to blame for it, whether you admit it or not. This leaves only one: Purpose. To be quite frank, this one right here is something many men struggle with these days, and I am going to explain why. You see, in the past men have been the providers and protectors for their family. That used to be their purpose. But with women now sometimes out-earning them due to college degrees and whatnot, many men are left wondering what they have left to offer. Especially since the protection-angle tends to also be misconstrewed as "toxic masculinity" or "oppression" by a certain subset of women, when in reality it is just a deep-rooted desire to keep safe an individual or a group of individuals we are fond of. As a result, many men are left lost, unsure what to do about being demonized for something that has been ingrained in us for thousands of years. Which in turn led to many men just ceasing to look for relationships altogether. How can this be fixed? I am not even sure this can be fixed anymore, but my advice would be this: Instead of embracing masculine traits under the misled notion of female empowerment, such as competitiveness, or a combative attitude I would suggest women to embrace their femininity: Allow yourself to be nurturing, caring, and compassionate. No mature individual - regardless of gender - is going to dispute that you CAN step up to a leadership role if required. But you don't have to constantly rub it in everyone's face. Doing so only leads to the aforementioned abrasive personality which is a man-repellant. If instead you enbrace a more feminine approach, you will see that you are going to attract more interest from those men who have not yet given up on women. Do tread carefully though, because you very well might be their last attempt at finding a mate before withdrawing entirely, seeking their peace in solitude instead. And if that happens, it is essentially Game Over for you as one more man will have left the dating pool for good, taking what resources he has with him. And if this keeps happening too often, at some point all you are going to be left with in the dating market are the players who are just looking for fun.
@@SashaCarrionMindsetCoach From what I can tell, based on my social circle, those who are single are torn between still wanting a mate, while being painfully aware just how much of a threat dating has become with the clout-chasers. I am tempted to compare it to trying to navigate a minefield while blindfolded. It is theoretically possible, but the chances of making it through that ordeal unscathed are ...slim to say the very least. And yes, I am one of those men who have withdrawn from dating. To me the potential risk just isn't worth the reward. Sure, the lack of companionship sucks - and I am not even talking about sex here - but I'd rather have my peace and the ability to live my life as I see fit, than having to go through an experience that is more harrowing than a dozen job interviews combined - and most likely nothing to show for it at the end regardless. I wasn't joking when I said it is on the women to initiate things in the wake of MeToo.
@@SashaCarrionMindsetCoach I have. After my last relationship fell apart after 6-7 years - which is now about two years ago - I have been looking for a mate for a while, but eventually realized just how much of a raw deal men are getting while dating. And those women who DID respond seemed more interested in the contents of my bank account and/or wallet, than in me as a person. So no thanks. I am lucky enough to have a few decent women among my friends and acquaintances, but neither of them are a candidate for a relationship either - for a variety of reasons. Most are in a relationship, and others are only interested in me as a friend and that's it. It is, what it is.
Hey Patrick! First of all, thanks for chiming in. : ) They may not always work but they've worked for plenty of people. At some point, everybody is going to get on one. It's like casting a wider net.
@@SashaCarrionMindsetCoach but have they worked? The margin is so so small that it makes it not worth it at all to try, they only exist to make the 5% of men get all the women and to normalize hookup culture. But you do you
Yes. My previous partner and I met on Match! We were together for 7 years. I also know a couple who now has 2 kids. It all depends on what people are going on for. People who just want to hook up are going to do that and people who want more are going to focus on that. @@patrickjames3321
What about sex toys and bisexual relations? These appear to be options that keep people from finding hetero sexual relationships. Avoiding there personal issues .Not smiling or flirting with someone you might want to meet.
Hmm. Sex toys can't replace companionship. There's just so much more to having a life partner. If a person is in a bisexual relationship, well... they are in a kind of relationship already. We just don't know the kind of relationship.
Although I (male) half-expect to get metaphorically crucified by some for saying this, by way of someone shrieking about 'mansplaining' or whatever, but I am going to put it out here anyway, so that maybe someone may glean something helpful from it regardless.
First off: Why don't men approach women anymore?
The short answer are three words: "Social" Media & MeToo
Why? Because in recent years there have been more and more cases where women have posted videos on so-called "social" media (there really isn't anything social about it in my opinion, but I digress) where they labeled men as creeps for things as minor as looking in their general direction or saying hello to them. All so that they have something to put on social media for clout and attention from fellow women. And this is the still the best possible case as far as men are concerned. The worse case would be that said woman who recorded them then complains to the local staff, for example at a gym, claiming she feels "unsafe" because of that man. Nine times out of ten this is going to result in the man being kicked out of the gym, his membership revoked. And this still isn't the worst case yet, as you may begin to realize by now.
The worst case would be that the woman levels false accusation about transgressions against the man. Mind you, I am explicitly saying FALSE accusations. Actual transgressions ought to be prosecuted and punished accordingly, but sadly, there have been plenty of women levelling false accusations against men to deliberately destroy their careers, livelihoods, social circles, and sometimes even them man in question himself. (one prominent example of such false allegations involves a certain actress with the initials A.H. )
Even if only one in a million women were to stoop so low, it does not matter to men. The precedent is set. Why approach women if THIS is one of the possible outcomes?
Because of all of this men are more likely not to initiate anything at this point anymore. So if you have a man you are interested in, he will need more than just a huge green-flag from you.
And I am NOT talking about dropping subtle hints here either! For that it is way too late after what I mentioned in the paragraphs above. You, ladies, will have to initiate things, now that some women ruined the traditional ways of finding relatonships for all of you. And when doing so, I strongly recommend to also brace yourself for the same kind of rejection, men have had to deal with for centuries.
That said, here is one more piece of advice from a man, if you want it: Your looks are (by and large) secondary to us. Sure, being attractive helps you get the metaphorical foot in the door, but ultimately your attractiveness will begin to fade at some point - whether you like to admit it or not. And if you want a man to remain faithfully by your side you will be needing something else instead. Something that is more enticing to a man than a cute face:
An endearing personality.
Put bluntly: Why would I as a man want a relationship with a woman who has the looks of a super model, but the personality of a brick wall? Or one who is as abrasive as a wood chipper?
It is said that men are simple creatures - and to an extent that is true. What do I mean by that?
There are three things a man values above all else: Peace, purpose, and respect.
But wait! What about love? Love, as in that feeling of belonging with someone is part of what I called respect up there. Let's start with that, shall we?
You see, a well-adjusted mature man is typically very much aware that respect is not something to be demanded, but rather it is earned by way of how we conduct ourselves. For instance showing one's partner the respect they deserve as our chosen mate - and getting the same from them in return. It also includes respecting each other's boundaries - inside and outside the bedroom.
Respect also includes a measure of trust in that person - because if you didn't trust them to do the right thing, you'd hardly respect them, now would you?
Compatibility is a key word here, but it also ties into something else:
Peace. What do I mean by that? To a man a relationship is an environment where he seeks to be able to be vulnerable - where he can allow himself to let his guard down, without having to worry that his mate weaponizes whatever he entrusts them with against him - or for clout on social media. Yes, if there are problems in a relationship, these need to be addressed and worked out - no question about that, but the important point here is how that is done. More to the point: How it is NOT done. Specifically, the last thing a man wants in a relationship is being subjected to the blame game, bringing up things from long ago he had considered resolved, or worse: weaponizing what he had elected to entrust to his mate. This right here is a relationship-killer.
If there is a problem, nail down what it is, and then ask: "How do we fix it, if it can be fixed?" Once a solution is found, implement it, and move on. Do not start drama over it! Because drama will only poison your relationship and erode away the connection you had with your mate. Because when drama undermined the sense of peace your man has felt with you, he will leave you and search for his peace elsewhere - and you will only have yourself to blame for it, whether you admit it or not.
This leaves only one: Purpose.
To be quite frank, this one right here is something many men struggle with these days, and I am going to explain why. You see, in the past men have been the providers and protectors for their family. That used to be their purpose. But with women now sometimes out-earning them due to college degrees and whatnot, many men are left wondering what they have left to offer. Especially since the protection-angle tends to also be misconstrewed as "toxic masculinity" or "oppression" by a certain subset of women, when in reality it is just a deep-rooted desire to keep safe an individual or a group of individuals we are fond of. As a result, many men are left lost, unsure what to do about being demonized for something that has been ingrained in us for thousands of years. Which in turn led to many men just ceasing to look for relationships altogether.
How can this be fixed?
I am not even sure this can be fixed anymore, but my advice would be this: Instead of embracing masculine traits under the misled notion of female empowerment, such as competitiveness, or a combative attitude I would suggest women to embrace their femininity: Allow yourself to be nurturing, caring, and compassionate. No mature individual - regardless of gender - is going to dispute that you CAN step up to a leadership role if required. But you don't have to constantly rub it in everyone's face. Doing so only leads to the aforementioned abrasive personality which is a man-repellant. If instead you enbrace a more feminine approach, you will see that you are going to attract more interest from those men who have not yet given up on women. Do tread carefully though, because you very well might be their last attempt at finding a mate before withdrawing entirely, seeking their peace in solitude instead.
And if that happens, it is essentially Game Over for you as one more man will have left the dating pool for good, taking what resources he has with him. And if this keeps happening too often, at some point all you are going to be left with in the dating market are the players who are just looking for fun.
I appreciate your input. I find it so intriguing to hear a man's point of view!
I wonder how many guys see things the same way.
@@SashaCarrionMindsetCoach From what I can tell, based on my social circle, those who are single are torn between still wanting a mate, while being painfully aware just how much of a threat dating has become with the clout-chasers. I am tempted to compare it to trying to navigate a minefield while blindfolded. It is theoretically possible, but the chances of making it through that ordeal unscathed are ...slim to say the very least. And yes, I am one of those men who have withdrawn from dating. To me the potential risk just isn't worth the reward. Sure, the lack of companionship sucks - and I am not even talking about sex here - but I'd rather have my peace and the ability to live my life as I see fit, than having to go through an experience that is more harrowing than a dozen job interviews combined - and most likely nothing to show for it at the end regardless.
I wasn't joking when I said it is on the women to initiate things in the wake of MeToo.
Oh no! It's sounds like you've given up. That's no good. @@ranekeisenkralle8265
@@SashaCarrionMindsetCoach I have. After my last relationship fell apart after 6-7 years - which is now about two years ago - I have been looking for a mate for a while, but eventually realized just how much of a raw deal men are getting while dating. And those women who DID respond seemed more interested in the contents of my bank account and/or wallet, than in me as a person. So no thanks. I am lucky enough to have a few decent women among my friends and acquaintances, but neither of them are a candidate for a relationship either - for a variety of reasons. Most are in a relationship, and others are only interested in me as a friend and that's it. It is, what it is.
Do you do anything to meet new people?@@ranekeisenkralle8265
Dating apps don’t work
Hey Patrick! First of all, thanks for chiming in. : ) They may not always work but they've worked for plenty of people.
At some point, everybody is going to get on one. It's like casting a wider net.
@@SashaCarrionMindsetCoach but have they worked? The margin is so so small that it makes it not worth it at all to try, they only exist to make the 5% of men get all the women and to normalize hookup culture. But you do you
Yes. My previous partner and I met on Match! We were together for 7 years.
I also know a couple who now has 2 kids. It all depends on what people are going on for. People who just want to hook up are going to do that and people who want more are going to focus on that. @@patrickjames3321
What about sex toys and bisexual relations? These appear to be options that keep people from finding hetero sexual relationships. Avoiding there personal issues .Not smiling or flirting with someone you might want to meet.
Hmm. Sex toys can't replace companionship. There's just so much more to having a life partner.
If a person is in a bisexual relationship, well... they are in a kind of relationship already. We just don't know the kind of relationship.