How To Help Your Kids Be Great
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- čas přidán 25. 04. 2024
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I'll say it again: I think Uriah would excel in a drama class. I think he actually needs an outlet where he can goof off (to an extent) and get positive attention for it. It's easy to see his behaviour as negative, and in part I think he contends with feeling like he can't compete with his older brother in some ways and then feeds off that, but Uriah is the comedian of your household. That boy is so lighthearted and jovial; he has his own unique way of seeing the world, including it being funny when everyone around him is annoyed with him. He needs help channeling that into a way that is appreciated and hence I think he'd really enjoy a drama class where he can act, joke around, take on different parts, and maybe even gain some perspective by putting himself in so many different shoes, y'know?
This is a really neat perspective and idea, after reading your comment it's easy to see how he would excel in a drama class. Neat idea! I also have a goof ball of a boy so I like the idea of an outlet that he can be funny in.
I like the idea, but what do you do when he's challenged to be a character he doesn't want to be?
Yes to this!
@Geeniality yes, but I believe that is the point.. with all respect towards you, I think that's the reason for their comment..to be challenged to put himself in different situations/characters lives..😊 ..much love
Just watched the egg in the bed video from 7 years ago🤔
I just want to say that i am Uriah or at least i was Uriah as a child, and what i've learnt in adulthood or still figuring out is that it's rooted in low self esteem/ low confidence , Not wanting to do the work for the reward is a combination of 2 things (i think).
1) Not having the confidence or belief that he can actually complete the puzzle or learn the song on the piano (he may feel like he will probably fail anyway so why try)
2) the challenges that have been given to him don't actually spark interest in him or at least enough to want the reward.
Ultimately the combination of those 2 things means that not completing the challenges/punishment is easier than actually doing them. Fear is also a factor, fear of being found out that he struggles with learning.
I remember adults around me always saying i had potential or overestimating my capabilities and it actually made me feel more stupid and incapable which is bizarre i know. But what i actually wanted was to be seen that i struggled with learning on my own and needed demonstrations step by step on how to do things.
My theory is that if you presented "punishments"/challenges that you knew 100% Uriah has a deep interest in or something that is relatively easy for him to complete and you can demonstrate how to do it step by step it would slowly build confidence in him and self esteem. and as the confidence grows slowly each time make it ever so slightly harder for him or each time make the task something that doesn't spark as much interest in him.
Thank you so much for sharing your lives with us! You have such a beautiful, incredible and inspiring family!
💞💞💞
What a valuable take. Hope Glen reads this
This is me as well, and I can say from personal experience that indeed it is rooted in low self esteem -- not believing that my efforts will be "worth it" (i.e. that my project or idea would succeed or that it provides value to people) or belief in myself that I can actually complete the project.
Also a lot of times when I was up against others and we had the same project and the other people got ahead of me, this really killed my confidence. I compared myself to them and felt that I would never "catch up" to them, even if it weren't a competition.
Maybe this is what happened with the Deck the Halls piano challenge - Uriah saw Theo succeeding and getting ahead, so he gave up.
Maybe there are some negative delf beliefs going on with him and negative thought cycles that need to be reassessed. For me CBT therapy helped with that...not sure what the solution for children is. It's worth it to try to find out what is blocking Uriah from trying or if it is led by fear. With that to also find out what really motivates his and what gets him fired up and in the zone. Has Uriah worked hard for something else? When he is in the zone what do you think motivated him?
I hope this helps. You and your wife are amazing parents and I have learned so much from you. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help and the ego takes a backseat. This is inspiring to me. I hope you find the answers here. Thanks for the great content and for sharing your family story with us! ❤️
Big big resounding feelings here with this.
I was extremely similar and still kind of am.
I have a learning disability through ADHD, but I commonly feel if I can’t see the value or output of what I’m working towards, usually if it doesn’t relate to my core belief values, I can only muster the energy for so long before burnout.
For me personally, it’s seeing that what I’m doing or sacrificing, is for the better of the higher good, making a difference in the world, or helping others period.
I agree that discovering Uriah’s idea of “pay off” is important.
Showing him the capabilities in himself through allowing him to participate in his own reward system would be helpful I believe.
I’ve worked with elementary school students for the past 3 years in a remedial program, and my biggest take away was building self confidence in their own capabilities goes a long way.
Sometimes it’s cracking the psychology of the child, i.e. what makes them tick? What are they achieving towards in their current lives? I’ve found these often go back to the basics of higher human needs, such as a sense of belonging, a sense of purpose, or even a sense of safety/security (“I’ll be accepted and cared for no matter what”)
I’ve noticed with children of this particular generation, with everything around them so manufactured and easily in reach, they are seeking out the genuine and authentic realities and experiences of life.
Lastly, I would highly recommend looking into the growth mindset technique!
It’s something extremely useful even for us as adults who didn’t have the chance to always learn such skills.
The whole idea is rejecting a “fixed mindset” i.e. “I can’t do this, I’ll never be able to do this, what’s the point?” to “Right now I am learning to do this one day, If I keep at this I will see improvement, and I can do hard things because I feel good when I accomplish what I set my mind to”
Just have to say, mad respect for your humility in this situation.
P.S. Something is telling me Uriah might be into doing something in nature, either with his hands like building or crafting, or possibly with animals? I can see he has a caring spirit and I remember how lit up he became during your trip to the national park.
All the best ❤
This comment is GOLD !!
This was me too! 100% agree. Very well put
I'm not a parent but I used to teach a Total of 17, 3 & 4 year olds. I had many challenges with all my students but this one in particular, she put me through it. Now she was really smart but she was a kid put in a lot of adult situations and that led to her being a bit more intentionally disrespectful which wasn't great for classroom control. One day I told all of the kids (jokingly) that I was leaving unless they all behaved. As I got closer to the door and stalling she screams from the activity table "Can you leave already?". So I responded "Why do you want me to leave?" And she responded and said "So I can the teacher!". Now she only came to class 4 days out of the week and she would always come in late but what I didn't realize is that she was studying me. So one day I took her up on her offer of being the teacher for a couple hours (supervised of course) and she did a phenomenal job. For comparison I did allow some of the other kids to try out being the teacher as well (pure entertainment) but she really embodied the patience and intelligence of a teacher at only 3 years old. All of that to say let your son be Dad for a day and you'll be able to see how he sees you and how he's learning from you. Heck let all the kids try. Also I made sure to take their place as the kid and I tried my best to act like them. Which was added entertainment for me and the other teachers 🤣 So keep that in mind if you try this. You're never too big to learn from the smallest of us.
I love this suggestion!!
I love this idea 💕
I wish my parents t played this game as a child so they could understand how we envisioned them. My parents were always working and often tired and cranky bc as a result.
I'm not sure how this will translate over to getting him to appreciate hard work, but I think it can be really helpful for kids to spend some time volunteering for people who are less fortunate. Perhaps understanding how much he has to be grateful for will create more of an energy of appreciation, rather than feeling like people owe him something. Feels kind of weird honestly giving advice because I think you guys do a great job and I love your channel. Keep up the good work. And one other thing that I have realized about kids, is that even though they act like they are not listening, and are not paying attention to the example you are setting, they absolutely are. One day he will allow all the stuff he learned from you to shine.
Not a bad idea
I love this idea, I personally have been wanting to take my children to volunteer and see first hand that we are fortunate for what we have and how much we can be grateful for. I feel like this is an eye opening idea that every family should try and it teaches so much.
Beleaf...One other thought is that it might be more helpful to do this volunteer work with just you or Yvette, and Uriah. If he's with his siblings he might be tempted to fall back into that comfortable slacker mode. Sometimes it's hard to break away from the identity that we've built up around others. The ego sees it as a loss. Once again, it feels weird to give advice, but these are my thoughts.
Fantastic idea.Truly.
I love this idea Colin! Like you, I feel weird offering "advice" for the same reason you do. But that tells me that like Beleaf, you too are a great parent! Greatness always recognizes and acknowledges greatness!!
As a teacher of 10 years I noticed a few things. The task are long term goals that are not being monitored. Maybe he is more motivated by in the moment praise. Developing the skill of long term thinking and delayed gratification is tough because he's probably thinking of how difficult each step is. It's like people who have the goal of working out every year but just don't completely fall into the habit of doing it 3-5 days of the week.
Uriah just seems different … I think there’s a subconscious tendency to compare how he does to how Theo does. They’re such different people that it’s probably rare they will walk down the same road or even end up at the same result ❤ I just love his laughter, one thing he has in common with his siblings is being exceptional and special
As a creative I totally get Uriah. I have always been a jack of all trades and was happy with being okay at most things and never really excelling anywhere specifically. I have never studied more than 30 minutes in my whole life and graduated with honors twice. I loved art. I put all my time into watching tv and imagining myself in the actor's position, drawing, painting, sewing, cake decorating and baking. Eventually, I found a drama class in school and loved it. In high school, I switched out of PE (where I was failing) into drama where I excelled and became president of drama club. I competed on a national level and got to college via a theatre scholarship where I majored in business administration. Its important to note that I never got better at practicing. I still did the minimum even when it came to memorizing my lines and rehearsals. Some of us just don't operate that way and it can be hard to find something that is worth the effort and if it is worth the effort, it is hard to see the goal for its full worth until someone else has it and has shown its value
You're on the right track. As a middle child all I know is I wished I had more quality time with my parents instead of being left alone to figure out it out on my own. When I was younger, I was overwhelmed when I was given responsiblities I've never seen anyone show or teach me before. I kinda needed that hand holding in the beginning. I saw in another comment that getting him involved in volunteer work will allow him to widen his perspective.
My Mom told me that she prayed about everything in training us. God gave her the ideas for training. In your quiet times ask for wisdom concerning Uriah, the Holy Spirit will teach and guide you(James 1:5). I also think you got some good advice from your friend. It's great you continue to try different ways, never know what may cause the turn around, it also may be someone Uriah admires other than you and Yvette, someone that may inspire him.
Try not to compare them. One will always feel like he/she doesn’t add up. Hard to do but try. Also remember that children grow at different rates. What one child grasps at a particular age or rate another make take twice as long. They also learn differently. Just my two cents.
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Absolutely
You being open, honesty and vulnerable as a black man is everything ❤❤❤❤ really inspiring and encouraging.
This got my heart! You and Yvette are such great and intentional parents even when it's genuinely tough.
Uriah reminds me of my late older brother. When we were younger he really wasn't motivated by things like other kids but he was super brilliant and would shine at things he genuinely cared about.
I noticed when it came to discipline, he did better when he got instruction and guidance from teachers and coaches in school, that he admired and connected with rather than our parents. Have you thought of getting him some kind of mentor.
I remember seeing somewhere that " sometimes as a parent you'll have to be a resource rather than the main source " maybe this is one of those times. Sometimes kids can have a level of over familiarity with their parents that makes certain lessons harder than others.
I love that quote! "Sometimes as a parent you'll have to be resource rather than the main source." I recently read that "we (parents) are facilitators for our children's learning" meaning we help guide their paths, not control it, or dictate how it will be or look. We find the right path and show them that it's there.
@@bakerbrewz
So good. Thank you so much for sharing this!
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Please do a follow up to this video. This video is great for the time we're in right now. As a black woman in her 30s, I'm battling shifting my views on hard work. Although I have been a hard workers in most of my positions, there was very little reward. I've been working since my teens and have learned that being a good employee and a hard worker just gets you more work. Uriah may haven't found his "thing" that he's willing to work diligently for OR he is already of the mindset of working smarter not harder OR like someone else said he has a false sense of laziness to cover up lack of confidence and insecurities. Either way, great job for wanting to learn ways to help your child and demonstrating investment
I remember when I started watching the chocolate babies…Uriah was and still is my favorite. Yvette is the typical educator, who is very linear in her thinking and how she measures performance. Glenn, you are critical of Uriah because he’s the part of you that you don’t like. But instead of dimming his light by constantly putting him into situations where he does not measure up, help him find HIS this! Get to know him and value him on an individual level. He’s clearly a creative kid and unmotivated by the things that move everyone else. And don’t interpret helping him find his THING as a project! Let him have free time to draw, sing or just think. It may look like goofing off, but he’s a creative kid! I love y’all, and I know you mean well- I know you love all of your children, but this one is special. I see his light going out as he disappoints you. Look at the old videos when it was just Theo and Uriah- HE was your baby. And now, he’s been replaced by Uzi, who gets all the hugs and gentleness.
I think they do a remarkable job of attending to the unique needs of each of the children. Definitely affectionate with all of them. Uriah's behavior is challenging because he wants to do what he wants to do and still get rewarded. I don't know how this will eventually be resolved, but I do know that his parents will continue to keep working toward a solution that is fair to all.
This just described my entire childhood!
@@greenbyrd3665 I think they’re great parents and Glenn is very aware and intentional. My comment about Yvette wasn’t meant to diminish her or educators either. I think they need to give him space to express what he thinks about issues or things that he reads. He seems to be more of a thinker. As soon as he starts to talk he’s interrupted by one of the other kids that has the “right” or desired response. He is constantly reprimanded. I just hate seeing one kid labeled as bad or broken. The other children have picked up on it too and no one wants to be like Uriah or associated with him. So, he’s going to continue to act out. Start to point out good things he does and encourage the kids to do the same. And when someone says something negative, tell them that’s not how we’re going to speak about our Uriah. The dog you feed is the one that grows. So, you want good behavior, speak positivity and when he messes up let him know that know one is perfect. The goal is to let him know that he is indeed loved. Parting thought that my pastor said “no one wants to play for a team when they’re constantly booed.”
@@mellobella1171 I do agree with reinforcing the positive things he does. As for Yvette and "most educators", yes she's measuring progress in a linear way. K - 12 public school education is designed to be that way ( with the exception of Montessori). It's great to be creative and a free thinker, but at some point, most of us find out we have to do some things we may not necessarily enjoy. Nobody gets to do what they want all of the time. It's good that his parents are patient and looking for ways to help him understand that hard work will be rewarded. I hope that they are successful.
You really hit the point. Uriah is special. He should just let him be a kid. He won’t fit into the box. That’s a good thing. Sometimes parents get caught up in how they will look as a parent vs. letting the child be an individual.
Challenge him in a different way, for example write a christmas story of two pages, or memorize the christmas song of his choice, recite a poem . Give him a similar challenge, but one where he can distinguish himself from his brother.
Uriah is not the child that can be given a task, then do. He, of course, wants it to be done for him. What I've learned from parenting my only child is that they may benefit from "co-learning." Learning/doing with a parent. Do you find him asking, "Can you do this with me" or "I need help", a lot? It's bonding, closeness, and validation they're looking for. It's tough when you have so many other things to do. Hopefully, this helps.
I think you nailed it, I think he needs more special one-on-one attention
I have adhd and before I got treatment my type was inattentive not hyperactive. This was me. I thought I was lazy, but things just weren’t giving me enough dopamine when they weren’t stimulating enough. Like practice, homework, chores, or anything else I wasn’t really passionate about or which wasn’t fun and exciting. I didn’t know how much more effort I was exerting than others. Now I’m not saying he has adhd. But maybe it’s time to get tested with a cognitive behavioral psychologist to see what tools this child could use to reach his potential.
There are a few of us in here that feel Uriah is one of us 🤎
As a middle school teacher I see too many parents give up too soon instead of maintaining boundaries over the long term. Keep creating healthy boundaries and reinforcing that choices have consequences. Celebrate any progress you see Uriah making and show him how his choices impact the whole family, not just him. Stay the course even when it feels like it’s not working or he’s not listening. You and Yvette are raising beautiful children!!!
I already know this is going to make me cry. This channel has assisted me with so much healing for my childhood neglect which haunts me from time to time. Seeing you guys be so attentive to your kids, and to actually know them and them be the sweetest, most respectful kids ive ever seen. You Guys are doing amazing. I hope to be a good parent like ya'll one day
Beautiful comment! Much love to you!
BKIZZLEMYNIZZLE. Ur comment truly resonates with me . I came from such childhood trauma & have worked so hard in reparenting myself. I cry sometimes watching them also. If only I had had a dad & mom like these 2 beautiful people. God bless you. I understand.
Hi Beleaf, I'm not a parent, but the last scene of you doing the puzzle with your family is a great example of showing Uriah hardwork. He sees the puzzle as hard, so I think you doing it with him probably encourages him. I remember having to do my homework as a kid, but growing up as an only child, I always felt lonely. When my mom would leave me at the kitchen table to do my homework I never felt motivated. The best reward she could have ever given me was her attention.
This video really hits home for me. I'm a single mother to a 6yr old girl with ADHD. Getting her to complete tasks is always a compromise it seems and yet sometimes, she too will not reap the reward because she loses interest. What I am going to try with her and I recommend to you is father and son meditation or a small workout for 5 min. Then, afterwards, maybe communicate on how he feels and ask him if there are any goals he wants to achieve. Keep him accountable and reward him on his progress.
I believe every time he gives you and Yvette problems, he is crying out for more attention. 1 child is the baby, 1 child is the only girl, 1 child is the big brother. He is not sure what his position is. He has no idea how creative, handsome, intelligent, funny, fearlessly brave he really is. He is the sum total of his mother and fathers best qualities. Yet he feels ignored. I think he has to just grow thru it. While both of you continue to do exactly what you are doing. Neither of you parents are doing anything wrong, quite the opposite. You two are great parenting, because of his young age the entire family has to remain patient. He is starved for attention even while he is getting lots of attention. Nothing will change his position among his siblings. Just keep reminding him how much he is loved. Witch him impress you. Youth can be crazy among the young. Love your CZcams!
I am a mother of 3 who biological father wasn’t in their lives. I got saved and I begin asking God how to raise each and everyone of them individually.
My son and daughter are twins but my oldest is a girl.
They didn’t understand why I raised them accordingly to what Gods assignment is for their individual lives.
I prayed for Gods wisdom to tell me what to do and how to handle each and every situation with a illness and lack of support financially and emotionally.
I got religious aspects and worldly perspectives but I followed Gods lead.
They’re 28, and 24 now and all are mature and successful.
My oldest is a teacher in Early Childhood, my son is being promoted to a sergeant in the army and my baby girl is graduating from college this May.
Through poverty and sickness, they made it because of Jesus.
To sum it all up, ask Jesus!
He knows what’s best❤
God bless you and your wife beautiful family
I love this 💜
@@Noweaponformedshallprosper All glory to God❤️
@Tierney Jolly.
This is profound. Thank you very much for sharing. More of GOD's blessings 💞🙏🏿
@@joyesebanmhen3534 TGBATG! I give Him glory! Thank you so much and God bless you also❤️❤️❤️🙌🏾🙌🏾
Amen
That time i used up all the hot water knowing my brother was going in after me …. & the time i slept at 4am knowing i got work the same day……🗣️”it was an askident”
Y'all work together on a project that you and him will both enjoy, one that requires discipline, but is still fun. Do this type of thing consistently where he can see you modeling the things you want him to adopt as habits.
Let Uriah see the parts of your work day that are not fun, the parts that are grueling and let him see you overcome and press forward
Boom! Life isn't just fun and games, it's that effort and the hard work that can make the rewards taste even sweeter. Love this idea in general and I think more kids need to see and know that there are things that just aren't fun in a work day, but their parents push on anyways!
bigmixx75, that's a great idea!
Yes. I'm interested in seeing the results when Uriah sees--and UNDERSTANDS--that blessings aren't called blessings because they're free, or easy. Sometimes DOING THE WORK is the blessing.
Seeing, firsthand, the challenges you and your wife surmount, while earning a living, or raising them (the children), and achieving a satisfying life because of it, may help Uriah internalize that lesson himself. You two certainly have some work ahead of you. "Gird up your loins," as the Good Book says, and keep on keeping on, humbly, always from a position of love, and remembering that we're ALL learning, one situation at a time. Hang in there.
Success to Y'all 👊🏽 🙏 👏🏽
The middle child always need independent tasks that they have to accomplish with out the competition with the older child . Most older children are more responsible and need less influence to get tasks completed or motivation. I am the eldest and my sister was just like Uriah . Middle children need a little extra and separate tasks . He needs his own separate responsibilities and rewards. So he can’t pass the buck or complain when he is not motivated and Theo gets the reward . He needs to learn to compete with his self
I needed that. Lack of discipline in children show a lack of discipline in the parents. That definitely resonated with me for my daughter. I gotta do better by her.
Prayer is the Key! Also giving positive affirmations of Love and tapping into what brings him joy.🙂
I’m not sure if you’ve mentioned before whether Uriah has ADHD or not. Either way, a diagnosis is not necessarily important, especially if you think he’d use it as an excuse when he’s feeling stubborn. For me researching little hacks to keep my attention has been invaluable as an adult. As a child I could not focus for any length of time or transition between tasks, this made doing chores, housework and extracurricular activities a challenge 😅 although logically I could see the benefit of delayed gratification, it’s not something I could really apply to my life. There’s a family friendly YT channel called “How to ADHD” which has been so helpful for me. Even for those who don’t have a diagnosis but struggle with executive dysfunction, I think it’s a sure thing for finding something that might help. All the love to my favourite little chocolate buttons ❤️❤️❤️
Agree with you. He reminds me of my daughter who was diagnosed with adhd in her twenties and I wish I would have understood it earlier. Uriah needs a lot of emotional support. When he is laughing in odd situations it signals insecurity and confusion to me. How to ADHD is a very informative CZcams Chanel.
THANK YOU FOR THIS! I agree 💯!❤
Wow! Having this revelation but also being humble and asking for insight if truly profound. I feel like most people are to proud to do such a thing especially when it comes to parenting.
A suggestion I have is having him run track or maybe just getting up together and you both maybe develop a routine commute around your neighborhood. Running and walking not only promotes good health but also it produces endurance. Again this is just a thought of mine.
Dear Glen, appreciate your candor. It's hard bc Kids always reflect back what they witness in the world around them. I would suggest getting guidance from a family system therapist! They can help you understand your family system, the roles everyone plays and what issues that might reflect. I love what your friend said because if one Kid is made out to be problem child, they will perpeuate the behaviour because that is how they know they will get some kind of attention which is a normal desire in all of us and what we need in order to survive, even if our survival isnt threatened because we have food, shelter and are around community.
An example from my family system when I grew up and how it has affected my sibling relationships: My sister (oldest) had the role of "problem child". She was very loud, demanding and taking up a lot of space with her emotions. Our parents were not able to support her in regulating her emotions. There was lots of drama between my parents and my sister. To me (youngest) and my brother (middle) it seemed like there was no more space for any emotions bc our sister had taken up all the space. My brother took on the role as "golden child" who was popular, had the best grades, was our parents fave. I took the role as easy going child. Of course every kid takes the role subconsciously, we don't scheme at that age lol, we're just trying to get all (!!) our needs met and try to find ways how (its the adult's responsibility to guide kids in that). I always felt sad because I saw my mom making an effort but my sister was always so hurt which also made me feel sad and I tried to mediate between them. as a 4,7,10,16 year old, of course unsuccessfully. My sister was responding - with her emotional volatility - to our parents lack of attunement to her. I never felt safe to express any difficult emotion as I heard how my parents were talking about my sister (too emotional, too fat, too loud, too exhausting) and I was terrified to be treated or thought of the same and so I became a huge people pleaser and the sunshine which is impacting my relationships and life negatively. My sisters and my relationship is extremely strained. We were compared a lot as the two girls, put in the position to fight for 2nd favourite after our brother. I hated being constatly compared, even though I "won" in those comparisons but of course no one wins when siblings are compared. Mind you, I like my parents, they were mostly kind, very invested in us having amazing experiences and learning but they were not emotionally attuned, especially to us girls. I always tried to reach out to my sister, show her that at least I care that she was feeling unloved and I loved her, but she passed on the hurtfulness she experienced from the adults onto me. She still carries that hurt and me too from how she was acting towards me and we are currently not speaking to each other. Our brother is now classic middle child, unsuccessful mediator but has his life "together" and is the "responsible one" and sometimes I wonder if he is the responsible one bc he has to keep it together between my sister and I dealing with/having dealt with instability in different areas of our lives.
I just wanted to share this not to scare or say your situation is like this but to illustrate how different behaviours and coping strategies of the kids as a response to the parents and their environment affect the whole system and how family system therapy could be a real asset. Anyways, hope it's helpful in some way and sending you lots of love! Youre doing great
THIS! This comment needs more likes. Familial roles play a huge part into a child's behavior and their tendencies as adults. I didn't know family system therapy was a thing. Great advice 👏🏻
Second this!
I back this so hard. A person's behaviour reflects a need. I believe Glen not understanding Uriah's behaviour reflects a need Uriah has that is not being noticed within the family system. There is a reason Uriah lacks work ethic. Once that is brought to light and being addressed Uriah's actions will follow suit. (I'm also really happy to see Glen is acknowledging that Uriah is being treated differently by him when he said he's "picking on Uriah Bo", it does seem like Uriah gets more negative re-enforcement than the others.)
I hope he reads this comment!! 👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾 I know it's long but worth the read! I know someone exactly like this! Catch it now before it heads in this direction!!!🙏🏾
Therapy shouldn't always be a go-to. Why do people always bring up therapy? I feel there has to be a better way. Also I didn't read the whole comment bc it was quite looooong!
They're all so different, aren't they? I see this in my own. I am still praying these prayers ❤. I'll pray for you both too...meanwhile, knowing you love them each and connecting with them in what they like or are into helps. It helps them remember when they struggle within themselves...Dad loves me. Mom loves me. Even when I screw up or when I don't believe in myself...they do. Even when they get frustrated with me...they still love me. Such a powerful thing. The world will turn out some nasty stuff but the love of God and the love of mom and dad and family... roots for that growing tree.. ❤ Lord, thank You for the Henry family. I pray that as Uriah grows and matures, that Glen and Yvette will have a deep sense of what he needs because You will spotlight it. You made him, fearfully and wonderfully. Thank You for giving each one of these beautiful kids such loving and beautiful parents. And for showing them what each one of their kids needs. Bless them with rest and peace and insight as they go. In Jesus name.
Amen.
This message is powerful! As a fellow parent experiencing challenging growth and situations with my own children, each different and beautifully made, but to bring it back that it's exposure for the parent and the lack of discipline in myself...dang! That hits home! Thank you you being so candid and opening yourself up to growth. I can't wait to see what you change, what you implement, and how it all progresses on your journey. I love the idea of inspiring his work ethic through your own efforts, and changes, and being a model to what you want to see in your children. That desire in and of itself will take you far.
My man…Love the channel and the STANCE that we fathers need to step UP, be present, & re-engage with our children. I have 2 sons of my own and being that example of a godly man has made all the difference in their lives…& mine as well. I read a few comments that have spoken about GOD. I would like to share this lesson I learned…
Ephesians 6:4 NIV
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Keep up the great work with your family. Your channel is exactly more of what CZcams NEEDS. To be honest, you are inspiring me.
Not a parent but an article from my favorite website for advice recommended: Set the Pattern For your child, Have reasonable expectations, and give specific instructions. It’s a whole article but those were the basics. Love your channel! You and Yvette are doing awesome!!
Man, Glenn. You keeps it so real. Not a parent, but I too am curious as to what other parents are going to say regarding Uriah & this situation. 👀 🍿
I do not have children. But the only think I can think of is to challenge or set goals for Uriah in the areas that he’s already interested in like reading 🤷🏽♀️
As a teacher, I LOVE this channel and appreciate your vulnerability as a dad.
Along with leading by example in consistency and hard work in your household and business (which I'm sure you guys already do); maybe share real life examples of when you or your wife failed or missed out on certain opportunities.
It may not always seem like they are listening, but the stories and life lessons parents share with their kids will be remembered (and passed on to the grandkids) for a lifetime!
Just my two cents. God bless! 😌🙏
My father used to quote his father in saying that you earn your keep, you work for your food. That being said, maybe reading Proverbs or an inspirational autobiography together would teach the concepts you are going for. Also, play team-building games or exercises so Uriah sees and feels a part of what is going on. Have him checked for learning issues to make sure he is not feeling different in those ways.
Watching the portion of the video with Uriah on the stairs talking about why Theo was rewarded and he (Uriah) wasn’t, the first thing I thought was Glen and Uriah (at minimum) should read the story of Cain and Elohim. Gen 4:3-7
“…and God told Cain if you do well you will be rewarded…”
Love your vids, been subscribing for a few years. As I right this my 11yr old daughter is splitting wood for $1 a log. She's learning that the more messing around she does the longer it takes, the slower the money comes in. Incentivizing kids to figure out how to do more, faster is a decent approach to some of the problem.
You just have to keep showing Uriah the effects of not doing and being your best. You don't do the work, you reap no benefits. He has a totally different mindset. God bless you on this one🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I suggest trying something that scares you and including him when you are practicing. Maybe it’s picking up a new instrument, taking painting lessons, running a half marathon, auditioning for a play…. Whatever really makes you feel like you don’t want to. And use it as a way to talk through the ups and downs of setting a goal and the moods that come with it.
I don’t have kids, but here’s my interpretation. Uriah wants to be his own person by not relying on you for validation, to the point where he will stubbornly refuse anything that you want him to associate with including “hard work”. He wants to be free. He values freedom. From that lens, how can you help him be even free-er? Right now, he is so stubbornly focusing on NOT doing in favor of protecting his individuality, to the point that the doing he is capable of is taking second priority.
"Lack of discipline in children exposes lack of discipline in parents." 😱 WOW! That was powerful!!
Each child is different. You'll be surprised how he'll function as an adult. He may only do the necessary to get by, but he will get by. And don't think he's not learning from his brothers efforts. He is, it's just not for him.
Anger is a common emotion. My son struggles with expressing and handling his anger in a safe manner. He has made improvements. My son and I talk about acceptable and unacceptable ways to express and handle anger regularly. I have learned to model the healthy behaviors I want my son to demonstrate. For example, I try to avoid screaming when I'm upset. I tell my kids when I need space. I sat boundaries for acceptable ways to express anger and quickly enforce consequences when they are violated. Consistently holding myself accountable teaches my son how to behave in a way that is acceptable in our home. It takes consistency.
Takes so much humility to ask for help! May the Lord and your viewers provide y'all with an effective solution.
Leading by example could be one way, however, it can also be said that there is not much that a kid would want to grasp, if it is true that every kid has their own individual personality. Maybe understanding the areas where Uriah gets a sense of fulfillment could also be the places where you could show him that working hard does pay off.
So-
As a viewer; Uriah doesn’t do stuff cause he knows Theo will win.
Make up a challenge that you know uriah will win. Have him win and show him plus all your other kids he can do it on the first try. This will give him drive and confidence.
Next challenge, pull him aside secretly for a 1 on 1 and tell him you want him to win this challenge and watch him win.
This will change the way things work.
My mom’s secret was- we all though we were her favourite.
Yes to leading by example. So hard but true.
Take 10mn every day to pray altogether and read the new testamento edition for children .Just 10mn everyday same place same time same family .
Steward something together, cocreate something or even build anything together. Eg , gardening, lagos or puzzles
I would remind Uriah that he is a privileged child. He lives in a loving home, food is plentiful. Don’t forget to remind him that having access to a piano is a also a privilege. He is blessed to be a blessing.
I had a brother like this, he eventually grew up, now he has a family, he has to put in the work. Some children just take time to develop certain behaviours, once you keep showing and being positive, he's going to come along. Keep God at the front of your family.
Maybe trying to do something with him, like something you both don’t know and you do it with him, learning along side with him? Might even be a good vlog
I am a mom of 2 young boys so I don't have anywhere near to the experience parenting and I believe that each parent is the expert on their own children. Since I've become a parent I realize how much I want for my kids and how much I want to teach them but I also reflect on my own journey. I see that a lot of the values and good examples my parents set for me did not click until adulthood, and it is still clicking. This helps me manage the expectations I put on my children. Continuing to focus on creating connections with them like you guys so beautifully display probably will have the biggest positive impact on him
So I was that child, I also got compared to my siblings who are very disciplined and my side of the room was always the dirty one and my grades weren’t as good, my parents kept comparing us and it would hurt so bad because I knew my siblings could never do some of the things I would started working at 16 and haven’t stopped I am 26 now working everyday, I am very creative they’re a little more rational thinkers and what helped me was that my grandma saw the potential in the things I could do very well. At least for me I was always described as lazy but I’m not I just don’t like to put in time on things I feel I’m not good at, and I’ve been correcting myself by proving to myself with positive reinforcement that I can get there with time. I might get a 50 on a math test and it would make me really mad so I didn’t want to try anymore but next time when I got 70 I was so excited because I improved even if no one else could see it that would drive me foward
Love reading the village comments. It's takes a village🤗👐🏽
Yooo💀💀😂😂 Glory I love the dress & Jackets it’s giving Daphne 💚💜
Glory had Matty looking D’Angelo & Pootie Tang😂
Something I plan to do is to let my baby watch me struggle with hard things, and to have patience and grace while doing so. My little guy is only 5 months old but he was born with a limb difference, and he’s probably going to have a lot of hard things to get through… so I’m starting early to build my patience now. I’m hoping it’s like a muscle. I look forward to continuing watching your journey of patience and grace with your family!
Mannnn, you are the TRUTH Glen. 🤛🏽I just love that you are willing to be vulnerable and put it out there to the community to help you help us raise our children.
Man, if I was with you in person I'd give you a big fist pump.
I don't have the answers but I will meditate on this. I'll be back. Much love and prayers my Brother
I appreciate your effort and commitment to figuring out each child’s motivation blueprint. I would encourage, identifying what Uriah is into and having individual time to cultivate that. He seems to enjoy fashion. Him and Theo were making their own shoes, that might be something to explore. Also, as a middle child I understand how layered things can be. There was a time that it was just Uriah and Theo. I wonder how he handles seeing this blossoming relationship with Theo and Aniha?
That is a great point re Theo and Anaya's relationship. Maybe Uriah is sitting back and observing them and feels bad about himself or feels jealous about it...
I want to start out by saying I love your family!!❤ #WeddingParty! I have 3 boys of my own I was the mom that didn’t want my children to help me with anything. But I began to see how that was hurting them and myself. I recently decided that I will ask (have) them to do atleast one thing everyday. Daily task helping me wash dishes, clean the bathroom, separate laundry etc. I also allowed them the opportunity to earn $1 if they practice one of their instruments or sports for 30mins a day. Which allows them to do things they love like buy V-bucks or Robux. Allowing children to see the work behind the scenes helps them fall in love with the production as well as the play.
Thank brother for including the None parents!!!
🙏🏽
My dad took me mid fit to skid row in LA. Still to this day, I appreciate that so much because I learned several things that day. Maybe that would help, maybe a one on one trip.
When I was a kid seeing my dad do any type of physically demanding work with little to no help and never giving up was always a moment. I call it a moment because I would watch and pay attention. I wasn't distracted by other things going on - I saw his struggle, expressions, and his soul in those moments and it made an impact on me. I think a good example would be a cutscene in a video game because in that "moment" you're focused on what's important, but in the normal gameplay you can easily get lost in all of the action happening around you.
Here’s my thought.
Discipline comes from the self. It’s not an outside reward that can show us discipline, but the reward of value when we can show ourselves we can do something, especially something we love.
Maybe Uriah ‘s energy stems from like being the middle child although him and Aniyah are…. But she’s the only girl. Theo is the oldest and Uzi the baby… idk but I always think you and mom are doing such a great job. The fact that you all are even recognizing trying to problem solve is great. Does he ever take the lead on family projects/nights?
Ok, maybe it's too late for you to actually go back and read this, but here's my 2 cents:
I've been a teacher for about 25yrs. I've seen a lot of different personalities and approaches to learning/self improvement. I find that kids that display this behavior aren't lazy, they generally just lack self-confidence. They believe that no matter how hard they try, it won't be good enough. They feel embarrassed when they are compared to others. Direct competition leads to deflective behavior. They want to participate and have fun, but they feel that being put on the spot is too much pressure. They don't want to try if it will just end in defeat.
I think you are on the right track with cooperative activities. If possible, try to find an activity where the roles are specialized and the task can't be done unless all participate. (For example, a maze where one person can only move left/right, another can only move up/down, and the last can only move diagonally. They have to help each other make the best of their unique ability to get to the end.) These kinds of activities show that different skills are helpful in different situations. It might help to slowly build confidence and an understanding of teamwork.
I feel convicted
Cultivating discipline is a trait that I need to work on
Maybe making Uriah a confidant when you are feeling like you "don't want to work" and explaining to him that you are aware of how this affects you, your family and others that are impacted by your work and giving him the permission to offer advice would help. You're putting him in a positioning that lets him know that you trust the love that he has for you that will be displayed in his advice and you're also giving him insight to the powers that he has in him to make sound decisions (him understanding his value and what he has to offer). Thanking for the advice and support he gives will reinforce the importance you feel he plays in your life but now being displayed in a way of you allowing yourself to be vulnerable and humble toward him. I believe Uriah being a feeler creates context within himself of others experiences and it's part of his superpowers. Once he sees how much value he has to offer from within that will transcend outwardly. Blessings to you and your family! And thank you for the amazing and impactful content you've blessed the earth with!
I am a mom to 4 and grandma to 15. I find each of those were different in their ways.
Uriah has an older brother who excels in all he sets out to do and a younger sister who is so much like Theo. Uriah may feel defeated before he even sets out. Maybe Uriah needs individual tasks. Ones that are made around his unique sweet character. I saw this with my oldest and 2nd youngest. They were tight and on the same wave length and my middle child would struggle. I realized I couldn’t treat her like the other two. It’s also not easy when you aren’t the oldest or youngest.
Love your channel and your beautiful family 💚☘️
Truth & Wisdom 4Life! Practice Makes Progress!
I love how as a family you interact and growth together. The two of you are great examples of motivating, listening, loving and challenging your kids. Parental comparisons are frowned upon.. but real life, every day comparisons are what separates the weeds from the flowers. Your awareness and concern will matter in how he addresses areas of improvement and genius! We are here to share, pray and laugh with you.😇
I’m not even close to being a parent but I love this channel and your dedication to instilling these values in an active way
I think you’re doing an amazing job you are very patient and a hell of a Father 💯‼️
Maybe begin with exploring more conversations with him surrounding this specific topic and show him how much you are invested in seeing a change/progression in him no matter how minor or gradual will begin to give you more insight to what motivates him. Maybe start with how for Christmas he was responsible for getting a special gift for his sibling and how that made him feel. What was his process/motivation for giving that gift? Spin it around to address his self-motivation on achieving any sort of goal he has for himself.
What does he like - comic books, designing sneakers etc? Something tactile that he likes to work with him on projects to completion. Maybe he learns graphic design and he creates all the flyers. I feel like working with him to completion on projects might help. Maybe on a group project you identify the roles needed and he can choose the one he likes. I went through the same thing as a Black girl growing up in a wealthy neighborhood where a lot of people did not look like me. I had a warped expectation of what I “deserve” because what I was seeing around me.
Found your channel and watched a ton of your videos…fell in love with your children. When it comes to Uriah, maybe he just needs more time with you…maybe his behavior/ attitude is a silent cry for attention. Maybe ask him to help you complete a task (together) to see how willing he is to work. Maybe he is more sensitive and just requires more time, physical & emotional attention from you. Confident children are independent and self motivated. Maybe Uriah doesn’t realize his worth yet. Be fair to each child’s need…which are different. Btw, I love watching your family grow.
I think it will take him finding something he is very interested in and working hard on it and then maybe transferring that hard work into something that he may be less interested in but showing him how it can work out from his previous encounter of what he really loves
I love your ideas!!! Great job Daddy! Maybe look into AHubermans take on reward dopamine reducing creative drive in children. Can’t wait for more of your inspiring content 🌺✨
A visit to an orphanage, soups kitchen or any activity that allows them to see another person's reality of life and the struggles that come along with it. I always tell people everyone's version of success is different and so are the decisions that create the path to achieving it. Hope that helps love watching you guys!!!
The best advice I have received in life is to find a high and valuable goal that speaks to my spirit, that is what motivates a person to action. It seems that money or TV time are not the right goals for Uriah. when you work towards something you are connected to from the bottom of your soul, then the volition to make an effort and self-discipline come more naturally.(I Hope I wrote clear, English isn't my first language) best wishes!
Maybe have Uriah volunteer at a food drive. On Christmas, my mom and I volunteered at a food drive and fed those who were less fortunate. We got to see kids receive gifts that they otherwise would not have received. I think this is what Uriah needs to see because it even helped me be more appreciative of what I have. Show him that there are people who don’t have a lot of material possessions, but they do still have family. And also show him that working hard is not always gonna result in a reward. Sometimes the reward is being able to help someone else.
Parenting is the hardest thing yet, the most rewarding. I was not able to have children but this channel is about real life of a parent. I respect that a lot. It's not "about content" parents just shaking their ass or using kids to make money.
This is the real life of a parent. Ethical on both sides. You ll find answers 4 all of us ❤️
Discipline is going to be key for Uriah. As a parent, take no shortcuts in reaching a goal, and show Uriah the reward received for working hard-- emphasizing that there would be no reward without the grit. Reinforce what you may already be teaching him--- no hard work reaps little or NO reward. Do not reward him at all for not working hard. H'ell grasp the true meaning of work and reward sooner than you think. [My boys were 2.5 and 3.5 when we started to enforce this, and neither is lazy today. They love working for earnings. (One is tech bus. owner and engineer; the other is completing his medical residency.)]
Your content is always so real and unapologetic. I love following you & your family. I don’t have kids, but one idea would be regular story time - telling stories of the most hardworking people and their accomplishments through history.
Trust - you will find the answer!
Continuing to work with him is the only advice I can give.
I think it a one on one project or volunteer effort with a goal in mind that you and Uriah have to jointly do so he sees how working hard can be beneficial
First of all Glen I love you Yvette and your family. I think you said it right; doing things and demonstrating things will help Riah. Riah is a pleaser middle-middle child. First it was just Him and Theo and they had a strong bond. Now Theo has a bond with Anaya, which has changed the dynamics because Theo is an excellent big brother. Then there was Uzie who is uncle baby the last born and another boy. So Riah, I think is the "do what I do and show you" kind of child for lack of better words. "The explain why I gotta do this" kind of child. "The walk me through it" kind of a child because " I'm afraid and not sure what I am doing" kind of child.
You may have to sit with him to do new things and talk it out even before you start doing it. Have him ask you the why questions until there is an answer that will settle all his why's. This will also soften both of you towards one another, and give you two time together. He knows you as the stay at home always available dad. That is what you are and have been to Him.
I hope this makes sense, I hope both you and Yvette see this comment. My grammar and writing and thought process is kind of like that of an 8th grader even though I am over 40 years old. English is hard
Someone mentioned below a drama class. But let’s save you some coins!
Now even though I’m commenting as a performance arts teacher. Let me add a drama lesson with the family involved BEFORE he may want to tackle a performing arts education outside the family. Uriah did say he wants a servant. How about dad working as a “servant” for Uriah. Now while Dad is working as Uriah’s servant,dad should mimic all the mishaps and negative choices that Uriah makes with him. Uriah will see the inconvenience of a Dad/servant who acts like him. It could be a 24 hour challenge. Uriah can then see how he acts in his “servant”. 1st. Uriah can make the rules for the day but only for him and Dad
2. Dad can decide whether he wants to listen to the rules and can mirror uriahs behavior to him.
It’s a fun acting experiment we do, but not for discipline lol. But I figure you asked and I’d share and you can tweak it to your liking.
It would be fun to see as well. To see Uriah get annoyed by dad acting just like him.
Dad could even run away as well. Lol
#blackowned. Lol!!
Brilliant suggestion. I would love to see this video.
The mentor of yours you mentioned gave you some well rounded and sound advice! Love it, what a great perspective! ♥️
Hi! 21 years old, dealing with lack of discipline. I think you should have a talk with Uriah where you understand his point of view on WHY he doesn’t want to do these things. For me Im impatient and wanted everything to be perfect. I did not want to fail. Now, Im learning consistency and giving myself grace. Not giving up when things get tough and understand hardships. Once you know his reason of being hesitant. Maybe thats where you can figure out how to lead by example.
Hi Glen. This is beautiful of you to reach out for ideas on this. I think how you might help Uriah could be to research how to develop intrinsic motivation in children. What he might need is to develop a sense of pride in doing things for their own sake because they feel good to him, not because he is expecting a reaction from you.
I can share what helped with me: although for a complete different reason I also couldn’t see that value. So I was sent over to my neighbor to do yard work and then sat down with her for tea. I started working within my community. If your environment is safe to do this. I was definitely have him work within the community in some way. Acts of kindness and receiving the possible feed back. He might have a hard time see that each person is the part of the foundation, when one person isn’t doing their part, then everything/everyone falls around him, I had a hard time understanding that.
The leading by example work within was something I never heard before….but it all makes sense now😅 thank you for sharing Beleaf! I don’t have any kids yet but a lot of ppl are offering good advice in this comment section
Finding his main passion will help him to be more intuned with wanting to work hard on anything. Then he will see the benefits and learn the value to what he does in life
Love this beautiful family.