So, I'm Depressed Again | How My Schizoaffective Episodes Happen
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- čas přidán 8. 07. 2023
- For me, part of being schizoaffective is going through depressive episodes a few times a year. This is my latest one. Schizoaffective disorder is a beast and depression is no joke, so if you're in the pit yourself, we got this and we can fight it together.
Mental health can be a b****
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Disclaimer: I am not a qualified mental health professional. This channel exists for educational purposes, and I do my best to provide accurate and up-to-date information. In order to create content, I combine scientific resources (peer reviewed studies and easy-to-understand articles) and my own personal experiences/advice. I seek to make complicated topics easy to understand, but I am no substitute for a doctor, therapist, or other qualified mental health professional.
#schizoaffectivedisorder #depression #majordepressivedisorder #schizoaffective #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness
dear Kit, rest, hug Madame Bee, and YOU GOT THIS ❤
She gives such good hugs 🐝
I know it's tough i go through the same thing. But i just wanted to let you know that you're really helping me through my own hardships through your video. I'm willing to bet that there are a lot of other people that you've helped as well! You inspire me! You rock! Thank you!
I've noticed how much more I get in the way of direct personal help from videos where people speak about their own experiences in contrast to those videos made by fee-charging clinicians who seem to assume their qualifications make them superior in some way to human problems from which their master's degree renders them magically immune.
I love your self-awareness. I too am very aware of how my mind works. Knowing it does not change it, but helps mitigate it. I look forward to each of your posts.
I have no other words to express what I think about you so here it goes.
You are amazing ❤️
You are SO cool. Bipolar type 2, here: I would never have the guts to go on camera to talk about it. You rock, Kitz! Thank you so much for educating the world!
I do get depressed too and think about every wrong thing I’ve ever done I’m in a bit of a depression but it’s better than yesterday but your a very brave person 🤗
Do the same, get well soon
Thank you so much for this video, it really helps to hear you talk about your experiences and know that I'm not alone in what I'm currently feeling. Power to the schizoaffectives of the world
Your videos help me a lot, and I am sure they help a whole lot of other people, too. You're very inspirational!
Virtual hugs sent your way❣
Hi ❤ well just want to thanking you so much for this video and you power to cheering with us 🙏 it’s making me not feeling alone, I have bipolar II and I am in my lowest episode.. 😮😢😅😊 but it’s hard when you shifting between up / down 😮 but really happy to found your channel 🤩🤗 so take care of you and your nearest🙂 I think 💭 you have nice soul, beautiful, and thx for giving hop regards// J 🇸🇪
Thank you for sharing!!🙏🙏🙏
my worries get so critical all the time i think ive hardly been happy for a while its hard and my body starts to get tired too i hope your okay at the end of the day :)
I'm so sorry you are going through this depression episode Kit, but if it's going to make you feel any better, I loved watching your video (as usual) and I thank you for it. When I had my depression episodes I used to just hide from rest of the world, watch movies, and by that I mean lots and lots of movies, played video games, but only single-player games, probably not to interact with other people, as you have to in multi-player games, and ate a lot of "comfort" food. And that used to last significantly longer than my manic episodes. My mood patterns were: mania, for about 3-4 months, followed by crash into depression, as if someone turned the switch off (and that used to happen after some disappointment trigger), which used to last for about 9-12 months and then sloooooow recovery into relatively "normal" mood, and then some "positive" trigger happened and mania starts again and the cycle continues. Luckily for me the whole mania - depression thing lasted only about 5 years, and then I got hospitalized 15 years ago for "reasons" (I might share one day, I'm not sure I'm ready yet). And then when I got out, the little C17H20N4S tablet worked wonders when it comes to whole positive and negative symptoms, granted, I truly dislike the side-effects (fatigue, weight gain, hypersomnia), but I dislike the person I was without it even more. Well that's just some of my thoughts on this video, I wish you speedy recovery Kit, and may you and all of us here have lots of good health :)
I remember the last time you filmed and shared one of your depressive episodes and I'm glad that you were willing to do that again with this one. It shows people what it's like in a very real way, and I think that's so helpful.
It's interesting that stress can trigger an episode, and that depression can mimic burnout. But the worst part sounds like realizing in hindsight that a fun and productive period of time when you were feeling good was actually mania or hypomania all along. Hearing you talk about that hit me really hard. The idea of having to be suspicious of a good mood that happens right after a stressful event sounds so difficult.
I'm glad that you had comfort stuff to watch, comfort food to eat, and plenty of time to sleep to help you cope with your depression and get through this episode. Thank you again for sharing this with us!
I didn’t set out to record episodes when I started the channel, but I’m glad they have their place on it. So glad I’m not depressed like I was when I filmed that video!
Thank you so much for saying “wary” and not “weary” 👍 it’s nice to see someone on the internet who knows how to use words correctly! Made me happy 😊
I am sorry - may be not worry but care about how it is for you. Wishing you well ❤
Blessings to you Kit. Be kind to yourself. ❤️🙏
Thanks Lisa
Hi Kit ... sorry you're in a bad place. I don't want to espouse homilies about you getting better.... but I think you'll get better. I just wanted to talk about the symptoms and the way depressions starts. For me it's a gradual sensation of discomfort and dread, and I try to think maybe I've just had a bad day, but I know what it is. Bed is a kind of escape, but sometimes I get "depressive ruminations' .... everything I think about is me failing at one thing or another. Waking up is horrific because it means another day when everything seems pointless. So I'll try to waste time on the least taxing stuff online. Strangely I can still write when I'm ill. At the moment I'm taking a LOT of meds, some are for my heart and some are stabilizers (I'm bi-polar and sometimes a bit psychotic) but my main antidepresant is Parnate/ Tranylcypromine. It works. Young doctors are afraid of it because it's old and because there used to be food restrictions. fortunately my PDocs have always prescribed it if I'm ill. as far as feeling better, I'll find myself talking to people. I'll look to things with anticipation, not fear. If Parnate poops out... I go cold turkey for a week and re-instate it, and then I feel better. Your vids are great. Hopefully you'll feel better late this week...
Do you live alone?
@@williammkydde Naturally !
For me it's an echo of something negative someone has said to me in the past, or a self pity comment I make to myself. How'd I get it to stop? I got a shovel and bury that crap, then I refuse to make another self deprecating comment. As far as the echo's, I just know I did my best and never meant to hurt anyone. Haven't been depressed since.
I hope you feel better soon
Thank you for making these videos. I just got out of the hospital a week ago for being suicidal and I'm currently struggling with depression on top of my schizophrenia. I wish I could be more like you and make something meaningful out of my struggles.
Eh, you’ll find your own way. Took me years to get to this point and it just feels right. Just hang in there and never stop trying new things because you never know what you might grow to love. Thank you for this.
We are basically the same. Schizopaffective (depressive type), its hard to understand that it will always be like this. I'm trying to accept it, but I can't as of yet. Good luck.
Greetings from Russia, you are awesome and your videos help me a lot!
Thanks for the video.
I may be depressed at times. I take that SRI-medicine every day. I have a couple of times during summer left those untaken, but I become sort of tense and irritable without those pills. Thanks for your video!
I adore you. No idea of what to say that won't seem trite, except I adore you.
I'm also going through a Depressive episode 😢
These things can be a pain but we have to take the bull by the horns and don't let it stop you. Never be afraid of anything. It's hard but being afraid us something that is not a part of humans. Just bumps in our road(human). Try joining a mma club. You might like it and be surprised how many people are like you and you would have a great support team. Much to you fellow human❤
I go through the same with mine, spend a large time down though. Schizoaffective is not good. Wish you luck and rest.
You too!
hang in there kitz!😀
Oh my gosh, I’m so glad I found you
Hi!
Good video. And remember, guys, if you drive...please don't text and drive! Stay alert.
So random but I’ll allow it 😂
Do you ever not want to communicate but you go anyway because that's what you do. They ask questions about how you are, what you are doing and you answer, "nothing really" and then this voice in your head says you need to act normal, you need to say more. But there's not more to say but it won't stop telling you to. So you try to make something come out of your mouth and you do but later you aren't even sure what what you came up with to say, if only to appear normal to the person in front of you. But you can't do it without this little voice nudging you, telling you, "you need to look normal."
I am sorry about your depression. I have depression with panic attacks. Everyone feels differently but depression is hard.
It sucks for all of us :(
Your not alone
I've been depressed lately too and had a manic episode. I am at a road block for meds because I can't lie in bed any longer drugged up. I take lexapro for my depression. Exercise helps me some.
I go for long walks. During highschool and college I had depression
Walks make such a difference, I try to walk a few times a week as it really helps with anxiety.
We just discovered your channel. We have dissociative Identity Disorder and we are interested in others experience with mental health. You have a good channel. We have a channel about our DID and we speak out our experiences as well. We will subscribe to your channel. We hope you feel better we understand depression we have PTSD ourselves.- MAX
Depression sucks. I have the stuck in my thoughts, seeing the world from behind my eyes sort of feeling with my episodes. Nothing is fun anymore, and I want to be away from everyone.
I would just have the hypomania part and no depression so I would want to cheer you up naturally.
I was diagnosed 15 years ago. I didn't accept help (meds) until 5 years ago. I still struggle so much. There are fewer voices on meds, but my mood swings are still a huge issue. Can you please help me Guage where I'm at compared to my fellow schizos? 😉 How often do you hear voices? When you do hear them, how long does it last? Days? Weeks? Etc... I feel like maybe I need to take stronger meds. It scares me, though. If I'm not throwing a bipolar fit. I'm numb. The only things I feel are nothing or frustration, heartache, and anger. Damn sorry, I'm rambling on and on. I just need to know what your experience is. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and hopefully for taking the time to reply.
To start, every schizophrenic or schizoaffective experiences their symptoms differently. Some people take meds and have no psychotic symptoms, others take them and it only reduces their frequency. That last one is me. I hear voices pretty often, I don’t even know how to quantify, but the meds make them not around as often, which I appreciate.
I made a video talking about what I go through on the daily here: czcams.com/video/QfxfD6tWkuQ/video.htmlsi=73MkHZWVEeZikJ3Q so that might help you understand a tad more of what it’s like for me. But again, everyone experiences their illness differently.
But, I’d say, if your symptoms are distressing to you, then talking to a doctor to maybe adjust dosage might help. It’s a hard call, but just go with your gut. If you’re suffering, it doesn’t matter what others are going through since this is about you and what you need to be your best self. Hope this helps! And hang in there.
@SchizoKitzo thank you very much. I wish you the best.
❤
How do you get diagnosed with schizoaffective or schizotypal, since it seems like there’s not as much attention given to those conditions?
I just talked with a psychiatrist. I thought I just had depression but he went and asked a ton of questions. Took years but schizoaffective eventually came up. So I’d say, just talk to a doc and they’ve heard of it so if you have it, you don’t gotta say anything they’ll know. Could be different where you’re from tho!
May I ask if you are still taking an antipsychotic and / or mood stabilizer?
Every day yes. I don’t go off my meds.
Hey I have schizo affective too. And I’m a 23 year old male. One thing is I can’t think linear thoughts. They’re like broken “blocked” thoughts. I believe it’s called thought blocking. Anyways do you experience this?
I have not! But I have heard of it.
❤️🙏❤️🙏
How about an update?
So you write at all?
I live in at least 2 seperate realities at the same time, but im allowing myself to do so
I dont take anything.
Cigarettes help keep me from completely losing myself shit, but i let myself go broke last month so i couldnt afford them. Which meant i also had to give up my pot as well.
Im looking at this as a detox, especially from money. Thats not easy, but im a month off the stuff.
But i remember seeing a video where you mention cosplay. Very cool.
One of my things is writing. That and walking around on a nature trail talking to ppl who arent there to get them out of my system.
Rambling
Its a bit of a long story, but my writing helped me get a feek for my manic and depressive cycles and how best for me to work with them and have them work for me.
I have a few affirmations that have helped me
If you like them, run with it.
I put them as phone alarms to go off every few hours so as to reprogram my thinking, and to get used to the idea them
My best days are disguised as my worst days
This is happening for me not to me
There is going to come a point in the near future when i look back on this moment and am very grateful that everything played out exactly as it had
The last one is a little long, but it has yet to let me down
This is a little bit advanced, but it has served me well. It serves me well. But absolutely counter intuitive.
"I love this feeling so much. Thank you. Please dial it up. Thank you. This is the best thing ever"
The idea is to play reverse psychology with the masochist inside of me that loves my suffering.
Something that i used to do alot, until my mind started doing automatically was writing a question and then answering it. Then reading what i wrote a few times so as to detach myself from the feelings.
It would help me move past it, but also gain some clarity on why i was feeling the way i was and gave me an opportunity to start following my own advice.
As for my psychosis....well....thats a whole other story
Like i said, i live in at least 2 realities. One is where everyone else exists, and the other is the one i live in that enevelopes the other. Kind of like the matrix, but thats my choice.
Ive been living with this for...im 43 in a few weeks.
So ive been in this place for as long as i can remember.
I either did a really good job at faking it, or no one really gave enuf of a shit to dive that deep with me. Which is totally fine
I found my way of living with it
I don't know...literally anything can give us a dopamine rush and make us happy. That doesn't mean that happiness is fake. That just means some things are healthy ways to happiness (say workout to feel good vs eating a tube of ice cream) but the feeling is real. When chemicals make you feel happy, you're still experiencing happiness. I'm not sure why you think it's fake or not valuable. And in terms of mania before depression, why not be grateful you know the warning side and use that hyper-state to prepare for the depressed state? Again, put a positive spin on it instead of trying to invalidate your positive periods. As someone who deals with mood swings, I value the ups and the downs. As you say, in the ups you get things done; while the downs are sobering and help you reflect.
Hi Kit, I have a close friend suffering from Bipolar 1. Currently, she's in her maniac phase, overexcited and aggressively in denial. She's been medicated for years, and her period btw extremes lasts for years. She never has momentaneous swings. So, when she's depressed, I can hear it in her voice. She's really at flat zero energy and motivation.
As you explained time ago (I watched that old video today). you seem to have cyclothymia, i.e. less pronounced peaks. E.g., my friend, when in depression, would not be able to smile; you could barely squeeze a few words at a time from her, and she would lie flat all day, if her cat didn't need feeding.
As I understand, your periodicity is also shorter. By my perception (but I know nothing about your character and next to nothing about psychiatry), in this video you sound rather normal, you even smile. What are you like, when at your euthymic point then?
Thank you for your very informative videos.
So this is somewhat complicated. My first mood disorder diagnosis was cyclothymia, yes, but it moved to bipolar II in college, then Bipolar I and now schizoaffective. I would not say I am still cyclothymic, as my ups and downs are far more intense than the mild highs and dysthymic lows that cyclothymic people experience hence the bipolar side of my condition and why I struggle with manic-depressive illness.
Everyone experiences depression differently. For me, I have lived with it so long that I know how to function through it in my own way, and I use humor to cope hence all the smiling. I smile when I’m depressed because it helps. So i can be deeply depressed but still be able to function just fine, like make videos and do my day job, and smile and be somewhat “normal” under the mask I wear when I’m in episodes. I hate using the term high functioning, but thats the only term I can use to describe my relationship with depression. Occasionally I have to take a day or two off of work, but for the most part, I manage and no one really… knows. or they do and dont tell me lol.
As for me when I’m euthymic? That’s how I am in the majority of the videos on the channel. not up, not down, just vibrant Kitzo!
Hope this helps clear up some stuff and thanks for the comment!
@@SchizoKitzo Thank you very much for the extensive reply. It does help. I have more questions (specifically, re the opposite extreme), but this is an open chat, and so I won't overload you with that. I may check your other vids, and perhaps find some answers there. Thank you again!
2:14 whatever, you look great
Jesus loves you x
I don't understand why you said it's not real. You in an upswing of a specific mood is still you. You don't stop being you just because you were hyper and overactive. That was just YOU...being hyper and overactive. So, yes, very much real.
I think you are very hard on yourself. You say the good mood was not real, but accept your depression as real. Please think about that for a sec. Both are chemically out of balance, or as you would say your brain is lying to you. So if you can pick and choose, maybe claim the good mood and reject the depression as not real and a lying brain. I wonder if that would help? Just a thought.
Off topic: you are stunning without makeup. Those eyes..my goodness, they need NO enhancement. And your skin is beautiful.
All you have to do to remove your depression behind you is put away your emotions. The bible calls this dying to yourself. I did it because i was schizoeffective and i webnt to church. End of problem
Kit, we like your videos a lot @sentinelfoodcourtracer, you're awesome!!