Is This What It's Like To Be A Man In 2023?
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- čas přidán 8. 09. 2024
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I'm Gen X and grew up in a traditional family. My Dad made the bulk of the money but as a child I remember him handing over his pay packet to my Mother every friday. She would take out what she needed for essentials then hand him the rest back.
My Dad fixed everything and did the decorating(every 3 damn years because my mom got bored with the colour). My mom cooked and cleaned and taught us kids everything we needed to learn to be independant. She worked but her money was hers because she paid for our clothes and birthdays/xmas.
It worked for them for 48 years before my father passed away. Sadly my mother lasted only 2 more years. Thank you both for raising me with morals and independance.
What wonderful parents. Bless you and yours.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Sounds like a beautiful family.
Your life was a Disney movie lol
My family (grandparents, parents and cousins) was quite the movie family when I grew up too.
The wife often handled all the bills and purchases for the simple reason that people (men) often worked very long hours in the past. Also what a lot of younger people do not remember, there were very few stores that stayed open after 5:00. When my mom got a job I remember my dad keeping me out of school one day to ride my bike to the auto parts store and buy a part he needed to repair the car while he got a ride to work from a friend. The reason being that the parts stores closed before he got home from work.
Masculinity is not toxic. Toxic men are not masculine. So many people don't understand what masculinity is anymore.
Good distinctions.
I was just thinking this. A big part of masculinity is the drive to protect and provide for others. If a man is out there doing the opposite, then that's not really masculine.
Indeed. Think of the saying, 'being the bigger man.' This infers you have superior self control, humility, etc. These are the kinds of qualities that make a masculine man.
They aren't saying masculinity is toxic. People are missing this point. I'm not offended by hearing toxic masculinity, because I know people who say this but don't hate masculinity. They are criticizing the extreme forms of it from society that comes from a place of insecurity. But this more comes from insecure men and this feel of need of power over others and feeling strong and tough, but can't show weakness and this pressure to always be a tough guy and to dominate. It's natural to be masculine and a leader, but not to this end. Women don't have this pressure and that's why you don't hear this about femininty. There are toxic women, but that's from being a crap person like men, but not rooted from having to be tough and always show strength. Women can be more whole humans that can be tough but vulnerable. So toxic masculinity is like masculinity on steroids. Masculinity is good and can be virtuous toxic masculinity is is toxic because of what I said.
@@miamiman24
Bullshit. Literally question ONE.
"Is masculinity toxic?"
"Yes!"
Zero hesitation. Zero confusion. Zero consideration. "Yes!".
They want us to talk about our feelings, yet when we do they look down on us and treat us as inferior. It's a double edged sword
Exactly
woman?any woman I know loves someone that doesn't hide they're feelings
@@pxrplehairgirl5030 lol
The real question is what problems can talking about feelings solve and what are the problems that lead men to exhibit mental illness (depression, anxiety, etc.)? What is the overlap? If the problem stems from something physical such as enemployment how is talking going to help or solve anything? It's much better to take solution oriented approach to men as opposed to a talk it out approach. In my deepest times of depression I went to probably 5 different therapists, not a single one helped. What helped was working out, studying harder, kicking drugs and alcohol, and really focusing on finding solutions to the problems of my life. None of that required talking about my emotions
Or we're called gay and unattractive to woman. What if you're a man and upset cause you're lonely or unable to find a sexual partner? No one would care would they, no one would take you seriously.
Meanwhile women then swoon over masculine , dominant males in 50 shades of grey and game of thrones.
Whilst the sensitive guys they claim to like end up either lonely, cucked or just cheated on.
There is no such thing as toxic masculinity, but their is such a thing as toxic people
exactly 💯
BOOM
@@user-de9uc3py4dthere are toxic females too, was raised by one and with one.
I've seen this a lot, but I don't know that it's really the right response, because we should recognize that men and women are different. And if we're different, there are going to be some sins that are more common among men and other sins that are more common among women.
For example, men are obviously more likely to be physically aggressive. Men are stronger, with different hormones, and commit the majority of violent crimes. Some women are physically aggressive, but it's a more common sin for men. One could rightly call that toxic masculinity.
Likewise, women are more likely to be socially aggressive. They're more likely to gossip, backstab, and manipulate. Clearly some men do this as well, but it's a more common sin for women. One could call this toxic femininity.
The issue is not with recognizing this difference. The issue is when people say that ALL masculinity is toxic, refuse to talk about toxic femininity, or misdefine positive masculine traits (such as protectiveness) as toxic. But I think it's wrong to react against that by saying bad men and bad women are toxic in the exact same ways; we aren't.
@@user-de9uc3py4dI think you thinking of toxic machismo.
It's ironic that the people who put down masculinity tend to be the same ones who encourage people to express themselves and be proud of who they are. The messaging essentially boils down to "Be whatever you want... just don't be a traditional, straight man."
But yet...they want those type of men regardless...just not when they think the wrong thing, be it politically or simply disliking Barbie.
I have a friend that broke up with her boyfriend of a few months because he thought the Barbie movie was boring hahaha can't make that shit up.
Masculinity is toxic. But all these masculine traits are what women need to be empowered.
@@jjkrayenhagennah you didn’t…
I am a straight guy, a software engineer, and I was born completely without the "sports gene". I just can't bring myself to be that interested in any sport. They bore me after about 20-25 min of watching, and I truly can't be bothered to follow any teams or players. Oh and I don't really care about fast cars and big-ass power tools either.
I'd much rather write some code, read a novel, stream my favorite show or a great movie, or just listen to some 80s/90s rock and take a long drive, than watch a sports game, or even go to a live one. I have embraced this about myself, but there are occasional moments when I wish I wasn't like this. If I had the so-called sports gene, it would make bonding with other guys a HELLUVA lot easier.
But this is who I am and I realized early on that I would have to accept and embrace it. Traditional masculinity be damned. Constantly faking it is exhausting.
@@CheerfullyCynical829 I'm similar. I do watch some sports, but not religiously or with other guys and I can't give it my whole attention for very long before turning to my computer or phone while I wait for it to get more exciting. I've never equated being a nerd who's largely indifferent to sports as not being "masculine," though. I've always thought of myself as masculine, just the introverted type.
I think that most people who put down masculinity think that all masculinity is extroverted, aggressive or "toxic." That's like thinking that you're not feminine unless you're a feminist, but a lot of women are feminine without considering themselves to be feminist. So, too, there are a lot of us men who are masculine without being aggressive or toxic about it, and we shouldn't be pressured to change by those who can't understand that you can be one without the other.
There are two reasons why you don't tell women anything that has to do with emotions:
1. While women tell you they want you to express yourself, they do not want to deal with your problems. Your problems are your problems, their problems are also your problems.
2. If you get in a fight with your girl, they will eventually use it against you
1 is lowkey kinda true. I’m a girl but the amount of women I’ve heard would find it an “ick” if their bf/husband cries is honestly so contradictory to the whole “men should cry/be open about emotions more” 😑
I feel like it depends what you’re expressing, when you choose to do it, and what you’re expecting the other person to do to support you.
You seem like a man who has experienced things first-hand. I absolutely agree with the first one, I have witnessed that in my life so many times with my relations with so many individuals...especially during my uni years. Females just tend to not follow males with this trait and also start ignoring them whenever they could. Men devolve from being an asset to a liability exactly at the moment they start opening up, especially about their deepest held secrets or traumas. Females just tend to not have that ability to care for a man, especially when they are still young and free of responsibilities, even though they seem to be committed in that particular relationship. I ain't falling for that trick anymore, have learned things the hard way so many times. Females can't expect every man to be just like the charming Captain America who has a huge responsibility on his back or something
Yeah that’s crazy how feminists want to change biology. Women are attracted to what they’re attracted to and that’s kt
that's always my favourite, usually played one after the other "Women 👏 are👏 not👏 therapists👏 for👏 broken👏 men👏" then immediately "men just need to be more emotional"
If masculinity was toxic then the kids growing up without Dads would be turning out better than kids growing up with Dads.
That’s not what’s happening though, is it.
Great point
That’s such a great perspective.
Ooh very interesting take.
Very true and good point!
Mic drop!
Masculinity is wonderful. I needed some trees trimmed at my house and my father and brother came over with all their tools and took care of that heavy duty task with such brilliant efficiency. They were in their element. My mum and I did smaller tasks like tidying up the leaf debris. There is no way we could physically do what the guys did as seamlessly and efficiently. Afterward I made them lunch and cold drinks to show my appreciation. Ladies, give a masculine man a task and he will show you giving love. This is how men work. They want to feel useful and needed. I’m so grateful for my family. I hope I make as wise a choice as my mother made.
Yes I feel tired watching man jobs lol
don't be giving men tasks just because tho, keep that in check
Cool
Clara, as a modern woman you are supposed to go serve a corporation and use a days pay to pay for that service. Also, you are to supposed to recognize the men you hire for that task as being less educated and cultured than you.
C'mon Clara, buy some tools and man up.
Hi Brett, I am a 73 year old man who has two daughters a few years older than you and I love them for the balance they have. They are sensitive and caring when they need to be and independent and assertive in their jobs. I have lived in Alaska for 50 years and my life has always focused on outdoor activities; hunting, trapping, dog mushing and guiding wilderness trips. But I also taught high school science for two decades and poured myself into my students. This toxic masculinity nonsense seems to be the cry of many women who have lost their way. If I had another daughter I would be happy to have one just like you. May God bless and protect you in your search for real truth. Dave S
Sir, your comment is gold 🌟. I agree with everything you said, a person can be independant, caring, sensitive, assertive and however they want according to the situation, stereotyping how a certain gender should be or should not be is utter nonsense. It's better to live your life and let others live their's🙏
Every woman who's seen me cry, has either stopped talking to me, or in the case of girlfriends, broken up with me. I genuinely don't think they know how to handle a man letting it all out in front of them.
Same lost a female friend. Broke down depressed crying at restaurant. Lost so many friends in Iraq. To come home mom died then dad died. I had like no one. The female friend there never talked to me again. But my male friend comfort me and still my friend. So how r women the caring ones.
@@divingfalconfpv4602thank you for your dedication and service 🙏🇺🇸 I’m sorry for your experience with your female friend, I assure you not all women are like that. I hope you’ve been able to get the help and support you deserve.
@@divingfalconfpv4602bro, that's just too much sadness thrown at you, all at once 😢😢 . Hope you are doing well now .
Hmm... I have seen my dad and bro crying and honestly all I thought was how to make them happy again, I am pretty sure I wouldn't mind men crying infront of me, cause It's normal....😅
It's because modern women don't have compassion or empathy. They only care about themselves.
My 2 cents: we have a pandemic of single mothers, and 99% of elementary school teachers are women. If masculinity is so toxic lately, maybe we should be looking at how men are being raised?
It is so bad that we went from stopping rough-housing because they are afraid of boys growing up to abuse girls, we forced them to take ADHD pills because teachers couldn't handle their energy, and now they are trying to force boys to chemically become girls because we are so afraid of masculinity and testosterone.
And before you cry 'transphobic' - all of these cases have a suspicious number of things in common:
1) it is always a young child 3-5 non-teenage age
2) it is always a child born a boy. Trans adults are roughly even male vs female why is it all of sudden different in kids now?
3) it is always the mom insisting; the dad opposing
4) it is always a situation where the dad in the picture which says to me she is afraid of the dad's influence in making her son more 'manly'.
Excellent point; but you're now considered toxic for bring it up.
Its interesting too because men are usually better people than modern women are
“Pandemic” of single mothers? Why get mad at the parent who stayed? You could easily say we have a “pandemic” of absent fathers.
@@AnnSmajstrla
Missing the point entirely.
The absent parent is completely irrelevant when talking about how kids are being raised.
When it comes to men opening up about their feelings, between 200 and 2020, every girlfriend I had complained I wouldn't open up. When I did it was either thrown back at me or I was told it didn't matter. We are seeing the affects of the last 20 to 25 years.
That why I go to my guys, my boys, my closest friends, cause they’re the ones who help me. Not a woman I’m in a relationship with.
explain, what effects?
@@babetopaz men not trusting women. Men not being depressed because they realize nobody around them cares including their girlfriends and wives. Men feeling like they are just viewed as a bank account. Etc.
@@babetopazThe effects are male loneliness. Men experience true loneliness and need to use that to build our value.
All the women who claim tgey want a man to open up about his feelings I can assure you WILL leave him. If you have experienced the trial life puts a man through then you know how much emotional strain is put on a man. We as men are expected to provide and protect, which is what we want to do, but the journey to reach that point is hard and with how society treats men it is even harder. In these days we are demonized regardless; don't make something of ourselves = useless, make something of ourselves but want to keep to ourselves = selfish, wanting a partner with value = misogonyst and the list goes on. All this yet we continue because without us society will completely collapse. Jordan Peterson put it best when asked is it ok to be a man. "It's not ok, it's necerssary. You see all these men keeping this impossible infastructure up, up on buildings, down in the streets keeping..."
Not the exact wording of his statement but it is easy enough to find.
They don't actually care what your problems are, they only want to know how you FEEL about THEM
I am so lucky that my man was a traditional man and worked his ass of for our little family. May he rest easy…. I don’t see myself dating ever again bc it’s so rare to find a man like him and to me we are still together even though he’s not physically here so I’d feel like I’m breaking my loyalty. I wish we had more time to together and the opportunity to have children and I’m sad I won’t get to be a mom but I’m glad I got to have him in my life bc he’s the only man that gave me that womanly urge to have children. Most of the “men” out here is a pathetic excuse for a man
Fr
@@RaefonBshe isjt a mom, she says that sadly she wont get to be a mon
@@lordtwego3142Hey, thank you, I completely misread that part of the comment. Shows I shouldn't reply to comments on YT when tired.
Sorry for your loss, @KotaKush. Hope you're coping okay.
Most of the men are adapting to the marriage and dating market women created. If we are not providing then we are pathetic excuses for men? Maybe the fact that you all welch on your duties and those of you that have kids pick the least appropriate men to have kids with and then use the bulk tax payers (the men collectively) money to raise Tyrone offspring. Perhaps it is you and yours that are pathetic excuses for women.
Sorry for your loss. But at the same time, it isn't fair to claim most males are a pathetic excuse for a man when most females are pathetic excuses for women.
One month into my last relationship with my last girlfriend we got in a big fight cause she said I wasnt open enough and i didnt show emotions when I was with her, so after that i started telling her about stuff that happened to me when i was younger and about how i grew up and one week later she broke up with me and said I was too much of a “baby” and was too emotional
Yup, happens almost every time. nothing dries their lady parts up faster than showing any sort of vulnerability.
Amazing right? Nobody talks about that type of toxic femininity, Sorry you were with somebody like that
@@KrazyLanLo199 They're all like that. Give it a try. They may be good at acting empathetic because that's what they taught from an early age, but they will be disgusted by you.
I'm pretty open about my father's abuse when I was younger, and my partner has been really good about it.
I’ve found that the best response to something like this is along the lines of “if I wanted to talk about those things I’d have a therapist”… now typically this doesn’t solve the issue because they’re bothered that you’re not telling them specifically, but it kind of shuts the door so that they either stop asking or in some cases support you going to a therapist to work through your issues
I have two young sons, one is a complete extrovert and the other is an introvert, and all you have to do is watch how they play and communicate to see that masculine traits are in their DNA. I can guarantee you that these women either have no children, or have children and raise them in this woke 'boys can be girls and vice versa' world.
My sons are mainly with me during the day so they don't pick up typical masculine behaviour for most of the day but the minute their dad comes back from work, they jump on him and try to wrestle, pretend to be knights, etc. They will happily do this all afternoon. They are both very competitive and love to show off their physical abilities. This is something I encourage in them because it's come from a natural place. And it doesn't mean i don't let them do 'less masculine' if that's what they want to do. I encourage that too as it's all about learning at this age. They also have empathy and emotions which should be nurtured in a way thats tailored for them.
My role as a mother is to protect them, love them and guide them to become good men who harbour the positive masculine traits to succeed in life, and prevent any toxic traits from developing as much as I can, whether they were boys or girls.
Feminism and hating on men is doing a disservice to every one.
While you are certainly entitled to your opinion I would like to point out that feminism is what gave rise to things such as Domestic violence laws. I hope and pray you never know what that is like but having worked with both perpetrators and victims of domestic violence it is downright disheartening. Toxic masculinity is a misnomer and its rather certain traits that we as a society put value on but unfortunately they are traits more closely associated with masculinity such as aggression or being in control. When I worked with perpetrators many of them may not have been bad men but growing up they saw these traits around them and felt like they had to repeat it. That meant then when it came to a fight with their significant other they felt like they couldn't back down and had to win at any cost and that often meant physical aggression. I would also like to add females are more likely to die at the hands of intimate partner then men and that should be frighting. I cannot tell you how many times I had obsessive men follow me or my co-workers trying to find our DV shelter which was in a different location. It got so bad we just had to have a police officer posted. Toxic masculinity isn't about attacking men but rather changing what we teach our boys and in fact taking pressure off of them. DV is also personal to me my friend was murdered by her husband because her mother in law believed her son could never do that and told him where she was hiding. He killed her and their children and her mother and father. He was so angry about her embarrassing him by leaving that he couldn't let this insult stand and so he took her life. I have seen Brett Cooper's other work around this and I have to say I wish she would speak to women in domestic violence shelters and talk to the families of women who have been killed by their intimate partner. Its heartbreaking and people might say well women kill and abuse and that might be the case but women are still statistically more likely to be die and be abused by her intimate partner. Listen I'm not saying feminism is always right but before you completely attack it remember that feminism is what got domestic violence to be considered a crime and it was feminists who built these shelters to help protect women.
@@user-og8wh5el1v while you are absolutely right that the old feminism did actually establish a lot of good things that help women be equals in society, I don't think that the comments intention was to attack feminism but to express her views on raising her children.
However, Modern Feminism has only boiled down to hating men and playing the victim when both arguments are completely unjustified.
Feminism in itself is not at all a bad thing, but it's radicalisation and distortion is causing complete disharmony between men and women.
@xenopis7862 I can respect what you're saying. However, have you ever sat with maybe why it may have been radicalized as you describe it. My friend didn't die in the 80s or 90s. She died not long ago. Women are still more likely to be killed by an intimate partner. Did you know marital rape is still hard to argue, especially down south. It's so frustrating and feels like you are talking to a wall. Radiclization can be born due to desperation. Maybe some are just tired of the message not being heard, and they resort to extremes. I don't condone radicalization, but I will say it's important to understand root causes. My aunt opened up a domestic violence shelter in the late 70s she was called a radical. She also said that through the years, not much has honestly changed for all the world says they care about DV they don't. Something poinget she said is we need to examine how we raise our boys, and understanding feminism isn't about hating men but rather we don't have to punish women for simply existing. Like I said, I don't condone radicalism, but are we listening and have we really changed. Maybe this is my grief or my jaded experience talking, but I will say no, we have to do better, and it starts with us teaching both girls and boys to love. Maybe there is room for compromise, but as I said earlier, it starts with listening.
@@user-og8wh5el1vI have actually pondered on why radicalism occurs. We know it happens when people abandon morality and common sense to be in excessive ordinance with the faith they follow. Many a times it happens simply because people are mislead by other radicals. Now for those who aren't, there can be a multitude of reasons, trauma and abuse being one of them. But there is a sharp contrast between being mislead and being broken.
For the latter, help should be provided. That is one of the main reason why I am not completely shutting down your argument because I completely understand your viewpoint of providing help and listening. This is absolutely necessary. I live in India and things are getting better in the more civilised cities but in the backwards areas things such as DV do occur. Those are places where real female oppression occurs and I completely see the importance of your viewpoint.
With that being said, you have to ask why is there still DV. And you did answer this question: root causes. You have to look at where the victims come from. I would say that if you are a women in a modern society where boys understand the true value of a women (and as a women you choose to the best of your abilities the right men to spend your time with), you will not face domestic violence.
So when would women face domestic violence? Either they choose the wrong man or they are forced to be with the wrong man. Now each situation has its own nuances but the common thing is that in the aftermath, these women are not ok. Most of them are not thinking rationally, which is not entirely on them because its very hard to be rational when being irrationally treated. So you have to understand that not everything the victim says is rational. Young impressionable women then hear the irrational words and without questioning the words (because unfortunately society doesn't teach us. to question, just obey) start adopting an irrational mindset. Hence, they are mislead.
I guess my entire rant is that, we should hear the victims, definitely, but we should also see how they ended up in that situation and judge whether what happened to them was fair or not. And then accordingly we should help them. The problems begin when we blindly believe everything mentally scarred individuals say. Rather than the emotions, we should focus on the bare logic of matters.
I think this guy is Brett's favourite content creator. She reacts to almost every video he posts.
i think that it’s cause they are constantly using Jubilee for reactions so they tryin smth different
lol i didn’t hear the beginning part
0:10
Wow it's like she didn't just say that in the beginning of the video
Brett said he is one of her favorite youtubers at the beginning, so yes he is
@@caniputmyballsinyojaw lol. I began typing as soon as I saw the thumbnail
My bad 😅
I grew up in a rural area where the old men provided for their families in their day, my mother would point these men out and tell me stories about how good these guys were. One was so honest you could take it to the bank and cash it, one was so hard working that he could outwork three men who were 20 years younger than he was, and all of them treated their wives very well. Don't get me wrong, these men were not perfect but, they provided for their families, raised their children as best they could, led their families to church, and knew how to protect their families if the need arose. That is what I was taught a masculine male was all about.
Those are good people you are describing, why insert Masculinity? try detaching yourself from what you were taught and think more objectively
So masculinty to you is men being subserviant to their families?
That is what masculinity is. True examples.
It doesn't need rethinking.
@@kojo2773 They weren't being subservient. What they did was done out of love. That's what made them masculine.
On the topic of walking around, I once had a conversation with a female friend that said I don't have to worry about being attacked at night. I told her that when I walk around I make sure not to have my hands in my pockets, I never make direct eye contact with people walking towards me and my eye always follows them as they walk past. (I'm 5'11, 206, athletic build)
She was shocked and then told me I was just being paranoid.
I think so many people assume the experience of the opposite sex and then base their victimhood on that.
Women just have to worry about being attacked by men.
Men have to worry about attack from EVERYONE, men AND women.
A little late but I've never gotten the fact that people think that bad things can't happen to anyone. Personally, I don't think anyone should be walking around alone after dark if they don't have to.
Females being females. Predictable
My god which country are you living in? In Poland it doesn't matter which gender you are - you are 100% safe in majority of places after dark. Ppl here just doesn't think about it. You can see solo walking womens after dark in the middle of the city and in the outskirts also. Ofc there are some places you need to avoid - but those are like less than 1% of the city.
@@balthasarus The United States. And it's an unfortunately a reality here.
As a man, I couldn't care less what people think is "traditionally" masculine. I just want to be my best self, not feel like I have to put on a mask, and be appreciated in a relationship without prejudice. The bar has never been lower.
Ngl I don't understand what you mean do you like musclaty yes or no I don't understand
@@yousifkaaki8646 His response is actually VERY masculine. Sounds like he is motivated by results...by action...not by vague external approval or definitions. He doesn't care about whether he "feels" masculine. He only cares about achieving whatever HE wants to achieve in life. The concern about how society looks at you is more feminine, actually. Guys don't care so much. They have their goals, good or bad, & that is what directs them.
Lots of guys care.
Masculinity and femininity are actually on a spectrum.
Sex isn't and gender isn't.
Gender is based on sex.
They have the kids brains all twisted up these days.
Yet women can not give that for the most part because 80% of men are invisible to women.
I'm right there with you. Why spend energy on someone else who will only accept you when a mask is put on? No thanks. I'd rather be myself and live happily and truthfully.
Myth: Men don't express their feelings.
Fact: As men, we express our feelings all the time, the issue is that it is often not what women want to hear so they ignore us. We men are actually very straightforward. Women love to say that men are "simple creatures." They are right!
I told my son, “be a simple man but not a simpleton.”
I worked as a bartender, and the majority of my colleagues were women.
One of the girls started this discussion and I asked: as one of your long term ex boyfriends ever told you something really personal of his, like an insecurity, a secret, and so on?
She: yes
Me: do you ever use that knowledge against him during an argument?
She: ...
Me: yeah, exactly.
Nobody will talk about their feelings if they know from experience that that moment of openness or "weaknesses" if you like, is used against them.
Men do express their feelings, but most of them generally do it in a short, non-eloquent way. A couple sentences without much detail. I can see why some women would be frustrated with that. They want them to go deeper, elaborate more.
@@CheerfullyCynical829 Whenever we try, women either ignore us, gaslight us or criticize us. We may not express our feelings in a way that women like, but we definitely get our point across. I would even go as far to say, that we are more open about our feelings than women are.
@@Alexander44665Yeah, those are women you don't want to be with. A woman who highly appreciates and loves a man for expressing his inner feelings in detail(not crying or sobbing, but being eloquent), THAT woman is a keeper.
Little late to the party here...
Men don't express their feelings because as boys, we're told to stuff them away. When we do express them later in life, we're shamed for it.
As someone who's always had that protector instinct, yes, it was tough hearing - in my younger days - that it was bad, or not needed, etc. Trying to date has been, to put it mildly, a disaster. To the point that I just keep my head down and try to live my day-to-day life the best that I can. I'm sick of basically being invisible, and the feeling of "if I died tomorrow, who would care about me?" constantly hanging over my head. I used to want to leave a legacy, and now, I just hope that somebody appreciates me. Even if I make a difference in one person's life, that's enough for me.
I know where you’re coming from man, it’s hard out here, it’s a tough world, but you’re not alone🖤
Yeah we’re here for you! And I appreciate hearing your thoughts! 💙
This is the reality of most men, and women DO NOT care. This shit is heartbreaking.
As a woman just in her 30’s let me just say as a girl that has worked her her butt off for most of her life and enjoyed it, having my son at 29 been married for 12 years I have had a complete mental and physical change at first I thought I was going crazy because what my body, mind and soul was telling me I should be doing vs what society is telling me I have to do and like it, you know like hustle and have a career, everything in me desires nothing more than to quit working outside the home and be the best full time mother and wife I can be! It’s really hard when what you were literally created to be as a woman, wife and mother , raising and teaching your children, creating a beautiful home, have a garden etc. it’s literally how God intended the order of things to be! So any of y’all ladies out there feeling this way no you don’t need meds you need to talk to your man and create a plan for you to be home more, if that’s where you desire to be because most likely your man will be right there with you on this, men were created to go out and provide for his family at home and I know not everyone will agree I’m just saying that as a woman at this turning point in my life I am starting to see the important things in life and working a 9-5 job isn’t it 😂 ok my rambling rant is over you can proceed with what you were doing lol
I feel this too! The work that goes into building that peaceful, warm, vibrant home and home life is so life giving. I feel a satisfied tired at the end of the day, not that drained tired that I feel in the corporate world. But yeah, the pressure to be a success in my field (which means burn out and daily exposure to a lot of truly awful people ) is always haunting me. The haven is my church community, my home life, and Jesus.
your husband is cheating on u
@@dearmadelineyour gf is cheating on you
I will teach my daughter, build a family first, in your 20's and when the kids reach teenage age, you can go pursue that career all you want. Starting a career in your late 30's isn't an issue, and then you won't have to take time of work to start a family and hold back your career.
same thing happened with my sister, she was a gung ho career women but then she married a farmer, after a few years she quit working and had her children and got involved with the local women in all sorts of domestic things, canning, quilting, and school oriented things. She told me that she could not believe how much happier she is when she put away all that career woman crap.
'Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one' - Marcus Aurelius
Every mans manifestation of his masculinity is individual to them, sure there are patterns but there is no one clear cut answers to suit everyone. you will never find out how you masculinity is supposed to manifest unless you push yourself into the world and just do
We do need to have _standards_ though, if not we have the same problem as the overall society: no standards, limitations or expectations of *anyone*
But that’s part of the problem. In a society or culture, just being a “good man” is subjective without a working definition. The characteristic of what a “good man” is or person, may differ from one individual to another which is why there is a debate over it.
@@Publiclighthouse I think Aurelius point was more tell everyone to stuff it and go build an empire. Don't ask your self how your doing, but rather ask what you will do next.
I think masculinity is innate in men. I have seen it manifest even in a "soy-boy" when he was pushed in the right way. If that is true, then just trying like Aurelius suggested will achieve it, even if you can't define it.
Men, if you need to talk about what's troubling you, surround yourself with other strong, trustworthy men. There is a lot less risk to opening up to other men, and you might just find, that in a lot of your struggles, you aren't alone.
One of those boys in Australia was himself a victim of child s abuse. And was made to apologise, to girls who were not victims. ( thankfully one of the girls told his mother and she went ballistic) .
Ballistic because of the abuse or because she was told the truth?
@@markmunroe-hz8rf ballistic because the school or teachers made him apologise. ( the girl was older and a friend of his brother) she was happy to be told . Be the girl .
If it was girls being made to apologise to boys this way and one of the girls was a victim of abuse, apologising to those that were not victims, we would be talking about it for years. Even boys are more disposable than full grown women.
Imagine putting your kid in a public school. You'd have to be functionally braindead. Can people not even remember their own experience and how much time wasting was done? What is wrong with people that are so fookin stupid they can't even remember their childhood to know there are major problems with public scjool?
I think the issue is that most people who have kids are the people too stupid to even know how to use contraception. Even when people do plan them, they're often low IQ fat subhumans. Look at the overweight/obese/mental illness rate of white, Hispanics and blacks in America. They're all virtually braindead fat morons. The only people that are even remotely healthy are Asian and Indian immigrants.
When u make enemies with a toxic guy. He will punch u, hurt u physically.
Hurt a toxic woman, she will destroy your reputation , friendships, your whole life. N they don't need violence. Just their words
Mean Girls is basically a documentary.
The physicality of things are easy to see and police, and men mostly operate in the physical. Unfortunately we don’t police all those destructive social behaviors much which of course that’s the realm women mostly operate in. But yeah, those non-physical acts can be much more dangerous and easier to get away with, which is scary.
I had a person at work have their arm crushed and removed. I was the first responder and saw his crushed arm. I then spent the next three days re-living the experience by expressing my feelings. It was painful. I took the fourth day off of work and did 450 push ups, 20 minutes of intense yoga and an hour and a half of walking. I felt great the next day, then I talked to the kid that lost his arm and tried to lift his spirits. He is a champion; legend, even through his horrible experience he has such high spirits. Toxic behaviour has nothing to do with expressing your emotion, it has to do with how you deal with it.
As a man who was raised by a single mother I was more feminine growing up. But now that I'm an adult I've had to find a way to become more masculine, or else I wouldn't be able to make it. Praise God I had good male role models growing up, but a good male role model doesn't replace a father.
From my experience with women, they really don't want men to express their feelings. I've had relations with two women who, when ranting, just want to be listened to and that's it. I've tried to share my thoughts and possible solutions on how both women can handle their situations, but they either ignored me or got mad that I was trying to help them.
I hear you! You should always ask before you give advice 😂.
@@arachnid33 I have to keep remembering that hahah
very true
Sometimes women just want to vent. You have to ask them because they won't communicate that with you and will get mad when you try to help them
Hey Brett! I’m a 15 yr old girl who loves watching all of your comment section videos. I look up to you very much bc of how level headed you are and you make me actively careful whenever I’m on the internet or out in public. Ty for inspiring me to keep me out of trouble and reminding me to keep decent morals
this is so sweet
Careful. This channel is a right wing rabbit hole.
@@richardwendt9266 Anything can be a rabbit whole if you look hard enough. Let the kid experience some of the different sides.
@@DarkDodgers
I've seen people go down this side, and turn into paranoid and really really angry people - in search of enemies in the shadows.
@@richardwendt9266 What's wrong with being on either side?
It's hilarious that women think men can just prance around in dark alleys in middle of the night. Like we do not always make calculations in back of our minds while crossing group of guys in evenings like "how's this gonna escalate and what are mine options if I need to fight". It's just we don't complain about it because nobody cares.. "You are man, suck it up."
Many of those can't think by themselves, they don't have to, there is always some suckers pandering their ignorance.
Men are actually more at risk of being victims of random street violence than women. Women are statistically *safer* walking alone at night than men. You wouldn't know it to hear them speak though.
Men are far more likely than women to be homicide victims. I don't know where feminists got this stupid idea that they're in more danger than men are.
Sadly a lot of modern women don't realise (or don't want to accept) that when you're an adult your safety is largely your responsibility.
Seriously, and those types would ignore men’s feelings anyways so it doesn’t matter. Do they realize men are the biggest victims of violent crimes? They never care to acknowledge any semblance of reality when men’s feelings and safety are on the line
Thank you for bringing up the feelings thing! I have a degree in child development and very much believed in talking about feelings. But as I've been raising 2 boys, my perspective has changed. Feelings are important, yes, but what you do about them is more important.
The problem with feelings from man’s standpoint is women use that against you. So men learn to be strong and silent and vent it out in other ways.
"At an assembly in a college school in Australia, all male students were told to stand up and apologize on behalf of their gender" I would've been kicked out because my exact reaction was to bust out laughing. Not surprised it's Australia, Australia government can go to hell
I'd have said "I'll apologize when every woman here apologizes for the millions of babies they've slaughtered in their wombs."
I would have been thrown out as well. Although mine would have been for starting a riot.
Yeah, that’s insane. Totally abusive.
I would have quit whatever college it was.
That school got roasted. I remember reading that and thinking 'that would have been me expelled for laughing hysterically'
I love a masculine man! World needs more of them. And just want to say, you are plenty feminine Brett! Not something you need to worry about!
That's what men have been thought their whole life, be weak, be soft, be emotional, be sensitive, because everyone around them was the same. The last true men who've walked the earth was over one thousand years ago. Men like the Roman empire who were tough as hell, who weren't afraid of anything, who stood up for themselves. If men like that existed today, they'd be locked up because people would think their crazy.
She's a little masculine. That and being damned smart is why she comes across as authoritative and credible and sounds like she's 21 going on 35.
@@robertd9850you sound like a creepy old 50 year old going on 70
Ok cool
SAME! I love a masculine man too! I want a man that can help raise my family, and to be a big part of my life.
Women: men should be more open about their feelings
*man is open about his feelings*
Women: 🤢/🙄
When I was single, occasionally a guy would be interested in me AND treat me to a counseling session. He'd go deep into his failed relationships. I never understood. I actually was shocked to learn afterward that the guy was interested in me. Couldn't understand why 1) he spent all his time talking about other women if he was interested in me, 2) why I'd want to be a man's counselor.
In short, I'm agreeing with you. If you want to impress her, be old fashion about it. Make her laugh.
Believe women except when they are speaking. In other words, watch their actions not their words.
You forgot the pressure they put on men to make 6 figures and foot their lifestyle. Yet, they say men put pressure on themselves. Lol.
@kathyp1563 you want someone who shared their pain with you to just make you laugh. Women are blind to their own bullshit. We're done.
open up to _literally_ everyone but women lmao
They'll either be disgusted by it, or weaponize it, or both.
cause screw men's mental health, right?
actual under-evolved gender smh 💊
Oh and also as a man, stoicism is good and not the lack of feeling emotion but the power of controlling the emotions you feel. It isn't the lack of feeling or expressing emotions, it is not allowing those emotions to be our decision makers at the end of the day.
The interviews are in Montreal, Canada
The most feminist Canadian province in the country.
Since 1976, a woman could choose to take her husband's last name when marrying; since 1983, she has been prohibited from using her husband's last name.
There is a confusion between women's rights and since we are different we have different roles.
I am Venezuelan and I have lived in Montreal for 23 years, my husband is local and he told me that since he respects me he lets me carry the heavy bags... my answer was I am a lady and you are a gentleman so carry the bags hahaha
I clarified the confusion between feminism, physical abilities and manners.
I always wonder...how we got to this confusion... translate by google just in case LOL
With regards to the “oh men can just go about at night unimpeded” statement, men are the majority victims of violent crime and as someone who’s worked security in city centres and bars at night my most frequent altercations were someone has been violent towards me are from women, the men rarely get involved and most of the times if they do it’s BECAUSE their girlfriend is too drunk and mouthing off and assaulting people that when we have to step in the boyfriend is forced to get aggressive with us.
Agreed- How many times have you had to step in when a woman goads some guy into a fight with words like- "Are you going to just sit there and let them talk to me like that??" Or the sad fights started when two women started to feud and their men had to become the designated pugilists on their behalf. Two poor guys just wanted to have a nice time forced to square off to defend the honor and dumbass attitude of the girl they are with; their manliness being judged by their performance and/or compliance with the girl's demands.
Yes, but the mythos has become extremely internalized by women. I take evening walks that a woman would never take, even though I'm safe the whole time and a woman would be too (because of the area). And yes, if there was danger, I would be in more danger than a woman. Women are already set in their views, though, and cannot be convinced of any of this by any means.
As a man well past the prime of my life I am still struggling over the dilemma of society telling me to be myself but don't be yourself. Also, this has been happening for decades, I'm in my fifties and my dad died as a woman. My role models were the men I saw one T.V. and my mother's many boyfriends and a few stepfathers. I'm currently considered a toxic male, while being taken advantage of for my giving, providing nature.
A good enough rule of thumb for expressing your emotions as a man: Express your emotions as a way of letting them in on a bit of your personal side but NEVER as a way of trying to endear yourself to them/elicit pity from your listeners, both male or female.
Use this and watch your emo expressions with people improve in real time
"We have gained equality under the law." We have? Ask the court room how equal it is.
don't put your wiener in a woman you don't intend to love for the rest of your life 🤷♀️ if she doesn't get to move on and start over neither do you. she should get the kids, you should pay. you'll just start a new family with a teenage looking girl anyway
Have you experienced that personally or are you just chronically online? Step up or step out. What is best for the children should always be number one.
@@dearmadeliner-tard
@abbyxxoo your way of thinking is the reason men are not having kids.
@@dearmadelinesoo what happens if the women breaks up with you should the man still have to pay and not see a child
I would say toxic masculinity isn’t real there is only toxic people. They always say that you need to share your emotions and stuff but I wouldn’t say that has anything to do with masculinity. It’s healthy for everyone to share there emotions and people have different personalities and different interest but it doesn’t show how masculine you are. Masculinity is for example if you are walking home with a girl (you being a guy/masculine) and someone tries to rob you, you don’t “feel the emotions and express how you feel” but instead take charge and fight back
Edit: it’s an extreme example but it gets my point across
Edit 2: as a 15 year old boy I feel no safer than any adult women walking down the road at night
Toxic masculinity is more than just sharing your emotions and feelings (though it is part of it). At 15, the 2 big things I’d be focused on are gender roles in a relationship, having a partnership rather than expecting servitude. And how that looks depends on the couple and what roles and responsibilities they want to take on. The other thing is stop listening to people who say a girl saying “no” is actually saying “maybe yes.” Just take it as a no. Don’t push. If she feels coerced or manipulated, it will never sit right with her. When you leave it for her to say yes, no matter what happens she’ll have no regrets.
thankfully ive had great guidance from my parents.
since childhood i was raised and led to be "man"" and through my teens i was kinda pushed to go through stress and im grateful for that because i see a lot of men my age that just crumble under bit of pressure or stress and cant handle it at all. also i needed to learn how to control my emotions in any situations and that something absolutely crucial for any man out there, if you push men to be emotional and not to control their emotions sure theyll be talking about how sad and depressed they are and express their emotions but theyll be expressing their anger, rage and aggression and if they cannot control a lot of bad things can happen, for me it doesnt exist for me to hit or yell at women especially of course i was really pissed sometimes and wanted to yell at her but i didnt and thats how a lot of wife beaters were created they were taught to let the emotions control them and that they need to express them and there is no need to control it, maybe if some guy will anger him he will kill the guy or girl in moments of rage. i dont know how people dont see a problem with that.
i was led to be respectful, chivalrious and courteous, to not treat my lady and women in general badly and maybe because of that im thriving to be the protector and provider in relationships automatically.
When I was younger, if I expressed my emotions the way people are saying, people would have been hurt. I'd still be in prison. I got rid of my emotions to protect myself and others.
Yep. People say I don't express myself but when I do people get offended or use it against me when I try to show them the mirror. I've seen that people don't take a man's issues seriously because we can't just cry about it infront of people like women can and be it socially acceptable, even consoled for it.
So it seems reasonable as a man to just bide our time instead of wasting it arguing people that it's a real problem when they don't wanna listen.
Valid point, people always talk about how men should open up and be more emotional, but that doesn't translate to just crying it out every once in a while. There are other emotions aside from sadness, but they don't like acknowledging them.
I'm in my early twenties and so many girls that I've met have tons of videos saved on their phones of them just... crying and staring at themselves in the camera, just so they can look back on them later and do it again... and they pride themselves on being "mental health icons" or whatever bullshit term they use. It's like they're over-acting in a movie, no one NEEDS to be THAT emotional all the time.
Then they ask why men can't just open up and be like them, yet 80% of women would cringe and get the "ick" at the idea of a man replicating these behaviors; and rightfully so because it's frankly concerning that it's been normalized for women as it is.
@@sirshrooma one of the best examples I have of how people treat men and women differently is when you need to ask for a sick leave at work. In my experience bosses are much more lenient on women compared to men when asked for a medical leave, whereas men "can push through it" or "are faking it". I feel like I have to make myself sound sicker when I am actually sick, just to get rest.
Also while traveling in metro, there have been times when I was having a raging headache or pain due to whatever reason or extremely fatigued, but I still can't ask someone for a seat and have to give priority to women or obese people or elder people. Just because I can't physically show them how much I am suffering at the moment.
@@piyushgyl97Called out sick for the first time in my life a couple weekends ago and still felt guilt about doing it. Over 50 plus hours left of Sick time and they will all most certainly expire.
@@andresanchez948 Shame your job doesn't have a system where you can cash them in for either extra vacation days, or a bonus or whatever. I know some places do stuff like that.
Keep in mind most women aren’t like this. But this reminds me of a girl I met on tinder once. We never even met in person. We were talking about sex and she asked me if it would be consensual sex that we would have.
I was so weirded out. Non consensual sex isn’t sex. It’s rape. Thankfully that in my experience is the small minority of women. But it’s sad that some people think like that.
Needless to say I ended the conversation there.
Na, it’s definitely most women.
Ya that’s weird. Cringe
There’s a video where women rank a group of men. One of the questions was: when was the last time you cried? One of them got very emotional because he lost someone close to him that year. As soon as he showed emotion, the energy of the room changed. He was very attractive. all the women ranked him the lowest because it made them awkward. When women say: they want an emotional man or a man who is in tune with his feelings, what they really mean is they want a man who is emotionally intelligent and available for when THEY have problems and are going through an emotional time. So I would say all this toxic masculinity was imposed by our society but it’s because it’s necessary. For thousands of years men have been the protectors. If you see your protector cry you will not feel safe
That's why you tell women it's not that bad, just cheer up, woman up, do better, no one cares.
Men need to give back what we've been given for so long. Women need to accept it back.
We no longer care. She's not my sister, or a lover, then she's just another man responsible for herself lol.
Not
My
Problem.
Do you have a video title to look it up? That sounds very intriguing.
@@philippeichert The video is titled 'Women Rank 5 Men by Attractiveness'. The moment @zumasa9991 is referring to is at 7:18; it's not entirely clear that his vulnerability had any negative effect aside from DRASTICALLY changing the mood in the room, but he did end up being put last...make of that what you will
Brett forgot to say one thing on her point: You can be whatever you feel you want EXCEPT being a man.
Not true
I think masculinity is the collection of traits I would want from other men who I'd go spear-hunting mammoths with. Capable, reliable, cool under pressure, easy to get along with, rational, cooperative without being subservient.
The quote from 'Barbie' sounds like one from H.L.Mencken, "One thing men and women agree about is you can't trust women". Or perhaps one, I can't recall who said it, "Don't try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other."
It was by Al Bundy from the show Married...With Children
At its core you can break traits down by gender the following.
Women : reaction with emotion or react only on emotions.
Men : react with logic or react only logically.
That is why it's so funny cause these modern day women are trying to make men more feminine but they are setting themselves up for failure as when it comes to relationships women don't want those kind of men but the men that they deem as toxic.
Women think men are being forced to be men by society. Love Brett but don’t ask women about men lol. We aren’t forced to be this way. We are this way
other masculine traits would be disciplined, leaders, protective, more interested in things and ideas than in people, stoic, strong, tough and capable of physical violence
@@creosjediacademyguides7103Perfectly said
I feel lucky I had to a few years ago give up my dog to the pound (Complex story) but I went to have lunch and broke down in tears in the local bakery I frequent the lady maybe old enough to be my mum came and sat next to me and listened to my story and how my dog got me through tough times. The fact a women basically a stranger came up and genuinely asked if I was ok and gave me her time to get my remorse off my chest, will live with me forever.
It isn't marriage men are avoiding. It's divorce.
These days us women In general now we are avoiding less hassle
I am avoiding both at this point lol.
All women want is everything you have!!!
Honestly...both. How many women are great girlfriends but the moment they become your wife everything changes? not to mention the chance of her having her own version of "midlife crisis" but instead of just buying a silly car and looking stupid...deciding to "re live those party days"... or live them for the first time under the influence of her recently divorced friend?
I can't remember a single time I've heard a friend say "everything got better once I got married".
(to be clear, this is not a "marriage cannot be great"... it is more of a "good luck finding a good one before some other lucky guy does it" )
I mean it's both, men never _wanted_ this contract with government but we also can't trust women, and no laws have changed to equalize the outcomes of divorce or rid it entirely.
just avoid both, they'll do you not advantages lol
I always said, I didn't have my kids so somebody else could raise them. We did without some material things. But I always stayed home and raised my kids. They're grown now. I regret nothing.
There is no such thing as toxic masculinity because if it’s truly masculine, it’s not toxic.
in science, something that is toxic is a poisonous substance toward a living host, being, or body of cells. a viper is an alpha predator which uses poisonous venom where to some creatures would be considered toxic and life threatening.
talking about toxic masculinity, isnt talking about a mans willingness to withhold from pain to be a man, or to refused bleeding of emotional strains of ptsd ect... because as those are toxic things to other people. where a real man need not bring pain to his family, friends or loved ones. perfect example is ww2 vets you dont hear them coming home and crying about events of the war. they accept they recognize, they get treatment on their own, and then they put it behind them and dont talk about it to love ones because they dont need to know what horror is like. where again being masculine is part of being an alpha which is part of being a protectorate.
where masculinity becomes toxic to community vs the reflections of home/family/friends. is when too many individuals approach each other and struggle among one another for dominating headships. gas wars, business wars, gang wars, turf wars, ect to an extensive point where bloodshed actually becomes the result of conflicting matters which causes a loss of populations. that is toxic masculinity. so until you witness bloodshed on the streets by fudal lords its not really toxic masculinity. where false indications of or false proclamations of, that is more an issues with the local populace again as they probably need to go back to school and reform or reeducate themselves to what the definitions of things that are and not what they think they should be.
(edit: also this isnt toxic masculinity as mansplaining... these are scientific definition actualities of "toxic" and "masculinity" and if people cant understand this then perhaps they are the idiots.)
Dude, I appreciate the intelligence!! Respect.@@nemesisfaust
I’ll never understand why women think it’s a bad thing when men don’t want to share our emotions. We’re not like women, we just handle things differently. That doesn’t make us toxic. Not everything is about feelings for us.
I believe it has to do with expression vs control.
Be stoic is a good thing as long as we don't let the emotions bottle up and explode.
Letting go of emotions is crucial, but needs to be done in a healthy way.
Letting your emotions control your behavior is toxic.
It's solipsism. Women think that because they think/feel a certain way then everyone must think/feel the same way. Therefore when a man is thinking/feeling differently than her he's "doing it wrong"
@@fredfredburger5150 True, just the other do I realized I was doing this in reverse. Something a women was saying seemed so far off, then I realized my blind spot in putting myself in the situation without thinking how my male brain might be different. Really made a one screen two films situation.
@@fredfredburger5150 It´s not Solipsism, Solipsism claims that all reality only exists within our Mind, and that our Mind is the only one in charge of creating reality from our senses, primarly from sight, tact and smell. But that does not traduces things into Sentimentalistic Behaviors. I cannot Smell a Sentiment, I cannot see a Sentiment, and I cannot Touch a Sentiment. I may be able to Intepret a Feeling when seeing someone crying, but I cannot see with my eyes what is Sadness. I know and understand what is Sadness because I can have the Emotion of Sadness, but that runs against the logic of Solipsism, since the main Philosophical Arguement enphasizes the need to have sensible knowledge, being that only that knowledge is only possible through the use of our Five Senses.
@@viperstriker4728 Nope, not really, read my comment
This is so true as a 15y old young man turning into a man some behaviors from both sides are just unacceptable. ❤ the vids
Young man "toxic" is just another word women/girls use to try and get whatever they want at the time they're saying it. Just like "need" and "should".
just be very very careful with the kind of girls you get involved with. because they can be wonderful or they can be deceptive demons. And I hate to say it but in modern times there are a lot more of the later than the former.
'both sides"
best to start accepting often one side is at fault and not the other, that "balanced approach" or "towing the line" game will get you nowhere.
💊
No shit
Ima just say this, everytime i cried which was twice in front of any ex gf, i notice the immediate change in how she treated me. She started all the sudden being even more mean and bold with her arguments. Im like oh u think ima b*tch now i see 😂
I lost my mother early, I was the only girl in a house of boys/men and I picked up some bad habits. When my father finally remarried (when I was 16) I finally had a female role model who helped me find my feminine side. I’m still a raging tomboy but now I wear makeup.
Are you single?
@@LiamColeman-Halla-yq2jl no, very married with beautiful twin daughters.
@@PiratePrincessYuki❤ congratulations, you are living the dream
What do you mean by bad habits
Makeup isn't beautiful nor feminine
there is no such thing as toxic masculinity, just toxic people.
No shit
However, let's be honest. One side is waaaay more violent than the other. Just look at violent crime stats.
Men commit violent crime at a rate of 3.8 : 1 compared to women.
Men kill intimate partners at a rate of 4:1 compared to women.
I suppose it depends on what your definition of toxic is?
@@richardwendt9266 but that's not masculinity, that's violence. Let's use a practical example, if you get slapped with a left hand and a right hand, do you suspect violent left-handism or right-handism or just violent persons? Masculinity is neither toxic nor healthy, it just is and the actions of a person decides the direction for themselves alone, not their entire gender, just for themself. The same "tendency for violence" that is labelled toxic if shown against a spouse is considered healthy if used against someone who is assaulting a woman. Ironically, a woman hitting a man in public is not labelled "toxic femininity" but met with victim blaming, the man must have done something.
The term toxic masculinity is using stereotypical male behaviours as an excuse to shame and target men... none of those traits is exclusive to men, yet they are being ignored in women, alongside their own "toxic traits", in order to demonize masculinity and by extent, men. Targeting stereotypes is a always easier than accepting that the issue are toxic people
@@AcidDotDrop
But it's a reality we must face.
The difference between a women hitting a man and a man hitting a woman is the outcome. I'm 6'3 and weigh 275 lbs. My partner would not survive a fight if we got in one.
Men have:
A. the capacity to do a lot more damage
B. Increased propensity towards violence.
If that isn't toxic, what is?
I personally hate masculinity. I do my own thing. I ride motorbikes, work on them, do all those more male things, but other than that, I don't ever want to be defined as masculine. My life is too short for that, and the assumptions of what I should or shouldn't be.
I grew up with a father that embodied some of the worst traits a man could have. Financial control over his family, threats of violence, etc. I've seen the damage it can do.
@@richardwendt9266 My Father two when i fail do fufill his desire to be happy but you can't hate what you are naturally born with i know what its like believe that all men are made of stone and feel nothing all that sentence is nothing but a lie
society nowaday if they see a man cry they call him a weakling but when they see a woman cry they symphatized with her
the man is afraid of expressing that emotion so he had to hide them not to get disrespected and rejected
Advice to you don't be like your father be better than him,find good male rolemodels
I’d say one thing that would be beneficial for men is getting into sports / working out. It teaches you discipline, hard work, and is good for you mentally, alongside helping you become more physically fit as well. Seeing yourself get better, stronger and or faster (depending on the sport) and just in general improve can help a lot of men with that feeling of being lost. It’s just a general good feeling from working towards something physical ,that in my opinion will be helpful for alot of men. It can also be taken a step forward by joining a club or team, this can help you find likeminded men , and even if you’re a younger guy, you can find positive male role models ( weather they are yo coaches or team mates, ect. )
I remember listening to lecture of the history of masculinity in America. The guy said early on fathers & sons would bond over working out on the farm, then with the Industrial Revolution in the factories, but with them going off into wars like WW1-2 the dad’s weren’t around & when they did return boys role models were emotionally distant due to untreated PTSD. Not suggesting we swing the pendulum to being completely emotional wrecks but like Brett said being able to manage them properly is key regardless if your man or woman.
Interesting point. I'm 75 years old and my Dad was a WW2 vet! Growing up we never connected! In my mid 20s he bought his first car and I drove with him as he learned to drive for his license! We finnaly got to know each other! Peace and Love from Canada
I’m really glad there was a comment at the end that Brett picked out talking about men walking around at night because I was going to write something similar myself after that came up in the video earlier. This is a really common sentiment I hear, and I truly do sympathize with women who feel this way in their day to day, because many of us in fact can relate. I don’t have any statistics to back this up right now, but I’d wager violent interactions between men happens far far more than between men and women. I have never felt comfortable walking around alone or on dark street or whatnot and I really think unfortunately many women have a very warped impression of how safe many of us feel or that it actually is for men and mistake it as being part of the female experience alone
Whenever men make this point, the counter-argument is “that sad but if men weren’t so violent you wouldn’t have to be scared. Men should just not commit so much crime.”
Which is silly because a) women commit crimes too. A homeless man was stabbed to death in my town by a group of girls (media didn’t cover it much since they were minors). And b) blaming law-abiding citizens for the criminal citizens on the basis they share a gender is EXTREMELY sexist.
@KNorth2 you won't get any sympathy from the feminists ... they will only say that even so, it's men perpetrating it, so all men are to blame. Remind them that even when factoring in demographics of women vs men in nurturing roles, women "min3craft" kids at far greater rates than men do, and ask them if that makes all women responsible
you are correct, men are assaulted more than women, and as a grown man I would NOT walk around a lot of my city at night, that's just asking for trouble.
Even walking around as a black man in the dangerous parts of South London will have you traumatised. Honestly men go through it too fr
I noticed a lot of the girls were talking about guys talking about their feelings, but also guys and girls work differently. I'm not saying that guys shouldn't talk about their feelings (not at all) but I do think that is a more private thing. Unlike us girls who are very open and a lot more aware of our emotions, guys tend to be more closed off and don't like to flaunt how they're feeling to the rest of the world. I have two older brothers and they definantly know themselves, but don't WANT to talk about their feelings in front of the whole family. Instead, they would rather discuss it in private with one of my parents. That doesn't make them "toxic", it's just a difference between boys and girls.
My husband said he doesn't share his feelings because women in his past always beat him down for his feelings. Saying he needs to be strong because he is a man. He got that a lot from his feminist ex-girlfriend.
To some modern feminists, we are entertainment or a resource, nothing more. It’s a victim’s mentality, that justifies a deep narcissism, which often leads to abuse without remorse based on gendered classism. The reality, sex never reflects virtue, only deeds do.
Most women are like that.
@@edgarbenjoseph3879 that's sad.
@@shanaemartinez1264 it is. Most women just don’t respect or know what to do with male emotions. It’s very odd.
If I was a Dude in that school I would not have stood up, ESPECIALLY, that I would NEVER do anything they were being told they had to "apologize" "for" 😡
No more movements! We don't need a "movement". Just talk to each other, people. Be kind and considerate of the people in your life.
I think my father, father in law and husband are great examples of masculinity. They are both incredibly hard working and are fairly stoic, but at the same time seeing my dad with my mom, my father in law with my mother in law, and my husband with me/our son is increíble. They are gentle, sweet, and caring. They lead the family but aren’t domineering and controlling.
As are most men. The people who are screeching about "toxic masculinity" want something. We need to find out what it is and stop them. They are evil.
If I have a goal is something/someone sacred, then most can’t even comprehend how much I can endure without being bothered. Not repressing or hiding some emotion, it’s content in the eye of the storm, a moment where even death isn’t a burden upon my heart. Without reason or responsibility, we are ruinous, it’s an agony beyond my ability to describe. Apathy is death, a cruelty that makes a man reveal in chaos.
Considering how women treat men as work horses, it gives me nothing but disgust when I read a woman write about how amazing the men in her life are by starting off with how much they work. Everything else is secondary to you, provide resources, provide, provide, provide. All characteristics come second to the ATM.
@@loganblackwood2922"incredibly hard working and stoic" - they don't see men as human beings.
Btw gentle sweet and caring gets you dropped quickly in a relationship with the modern woman and in alot of cases those type dudes get the friendzone. It might have worked for you but the more a guy cares for some reason the more a woman loses attraction geadually. It shouldnt work like that but sadly for alot of women it does. Ive experienced it i know. I have a massive heart and care alot, but everytime i cared and was sweet got dropped, the two relationships that laated the longest i did hardly no effort and didnt put really any care forth......go figure.
Brett, you are definitely not masculine - you are honestly beautifully feminine. My beautiful mother was strong, intelligent and never shyed away from voicing her opinion - I love that about you too. Keep being you!
Meh, she's got a lot of traits typically associated with men. But that's the thing. Men can be effeminate, women can be masculine. It does not mean they need a sex change
@@michaelwellen2866Brett is not a masculine woman…
@@DNYLNY She rates high in disagreeability, speaks somewhat agressively, and is conservative. Similar to a lot of my aunts, tbh. Those characteristics are all more strongly associated with men than women.
@@michaelwellen2866 to say even more, the most attractive ppl are the ones who combine good traits of both, sooooo...
Masculinity today really isn't very common. People seem to think that when men show a sense of care or attention to a women they are trying to get them or make a move. Personally I am just a young man who wants to help. I am not trying to "get girls". Real men seem to be getting frowned at, people are so complicated that anything that used to be common and standard is just seen as out of place.
Men are not supposed to cry
Men are not supposed to share their feelings
You know what, I actually agree with this, as a man we were all led to believe this our entire lives and it works out because we learn to burden the weight of the world and not break down under pressure. Those I’ve seen who were told it’s okay to cry and share your feelings end up being more screwed up than those opposite to them. Instead of sharing your feelings and true emotions with the world just talk with your friends.
no man ever solved their problems by crying about it and sharing their feelings. we solve our problems by doing something about it. why women feel that men need to cry about their problems like they do just blows me away.
@@vanguard6937 exactly, a friend of mine was told by his parents it is okay to cry and all I see is him get upset if one of our other friends or myself throw a joke his way. I just think men and women need to grow up and just lean into their nature instead of forcing a pillow over it’s face.
Stiff upper lip, be a little soldier, long way from your heart, worst things happen at sea, Not raining, Just a Scots mist! Keep working! Stories of past hero's! That and more on a daily basis to toughen up for life! No time for tears! Set your face to the task and push through!
Well it mostly works for the following reason, anytime you have this discussion online you will get literally hundreds of guys telling their experience of how they got emotional in front of their woman and she immediately got the icks and it led to a break up. I know it happened to me twice (I am a slow learner).
It's about understanding the emotions and _controlling_ them, which is not the same as not having them, and only share them with other men or professionals, *never women* they're too under-evolved to care and are disgusted by it at best or will weaponize it at worst.
i think my definition of a man is to be a rock. when crap hits the fan, when people are at there worst a man steps up to be strong for what he believes in. ideas, family, home. a strong man makes people feel safe.
Brett, if you are interested in concept of masculinity, read the book "Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of Masculinity" by David D. Gilmore. Beware it is rewritten as a study. (Can be a bit dry). If you read between the lines you will begin to see a correlation between the perception of masculinity and the issues with society in its current state.
Nobody does sponsorship bits better than brett
Brett. Good show. You made lots of great talking points. Love the chair roll. I've added it to my homelife. Whenever someone wants to talk me, I say, just a minute and turn my chair around and roll over to them. And when the conversation is done, I swirl around and roll back to my desk to draw or write. Needless to say, that's the part I look forward to. They don't always like it. But I love it. See you next time.
Brett, there's nothing wrong with being a bit of a tomboy. Heck, where I'm from it's seen as a positive trait! Granted, I reside on the suburban edge of a rural area, so any aspects of self sufficiency are seen positively. You can be a tomboy and still be feminine. After all, hard to change the oil in your car while wearing a dress.
Yeah, look at someone like Hannah Barron,. She's strong, outdoorsy, swings a hammer -- and ain't no one gonna ever question her femininity.🤣
Being a man in today’s modern society is the worst. Obviously masculinity is not toxic and we act this way because of the pressures put on us and if we do express our feelings and be emotional we get made fun of by other men and women so while these women complain about us not showing emotion it’s because when we do we get made fun of
You've literally described toxic masculinity my man. The term doesn't suggest that masculinity is toxic but that there are certain traits of exaggerated masculine behaviour that is harmful to both men and women. Masculinity is a beautiful thing but it can't be like "you can't show emotions, you have to look and act like an alfa male, you can't be empathetic because that's feminine, etc."
Don't get hung up on the whole "not showing emotions" is bad. We're built different. For instance, when I worked, I worked in a very professional male-dominated company. On rare occasion, I'd go into the woman's bathroom & hear someone crying in a stall. I highly doubt that EVER happened in the men's bathroom, even though it was an 8:1 ratio. A man is brought to sobbing only when total disaster has overtaken him -- house destroyed by floods, tornado, fire or worse, the death of someone precious. Men don't weep because a long-worked project just went belly up. Or the boss just said something rude. Your emotions are expressed, but differently.
As far as being vulnerable to "impress" women. That won't work, as you know. You need to impress her maternal instincts. She's not looking to be a man's mommy. (Honestly, that's what it feels like from the feminine side.) She's looking for a provider. A protector. Obviously, you're not going to go jousting to impress a girl these days. So, it's all subtle things. Manners. How you treat your mom & sisters. And Money. We know that money, not battling, is how a man provides today. So, there should be discussions about debt & savings, & the ability to have fun without spending a lot.
@@kathyp1563 that's literally the reason why the suicide among men are at all time high. There's just one box everyone has to fit in in order to be "a man enough."
@@statsguy1446Where did this myth come from that men aren't empathetic? We just don't allow it to overrule being practical and realistic. We emphasize with people wanting to come into the country, but we also know it isn't sustainable. Women tend you act on their empathy, against their better judgment.
Masculinity cannot be toxic. People are toxic. Men are just different than women.
The women in the video are likely to veer towards blank slate theory (nurture) if it allows things associated with maleness to be portrayed as cultural and able to be eradicated. It becomes crueller if you're waging a war on biology or place a focus on a societal organisation for women such that men become an underclass. If you view women and men as the same, then you aren't responsible when men tend to fall into disrepair. Education and psychology are increasingly dominated by women and feminists would scoff at the notion that society should include any element of compromise. If there are any meaningful biological differences to sex, then you can build a society for men or you can build a society for women, or you can build for both (but that's going to come with tradeoffs).
I'm not going to say being a man is the worst. However, they can be failed and if they die at greater rates in deaths of despair or industrial accidents, it's their fault. They didn't try to be women hard enough. How toxic of them!
Since MANY women make the same or more money at jobs as men, WHY is it STILL expected of men to pay for dates? How about a 50/50 deal? What's wrong with THAT?
We need to share values again. The Bible (per Robert Lewis) laid it out:
1. Reject passivity
2. Accept responsibility
3. Lead courageously
4. Expect the greater reward
If you do these things, you can shave or have a beard. Be a jacked gym rat or a little more soft. Being a man is not about looks or emotions. It’s about action.
My mom said she used to work at a retirement home and full grown women, old enough to be your grandma still develop cliques like young women.
Women ☕️
Being a man in 2023 is like living in impossible difficulty.
Hi turtle, you're back !
Thank god for video games like elden ring.😂
Toxic masculinity is as real as toxic femininity. The pretentions of young men competing for body counts and holding sexual conquests as a moral good is corrosive, as arr the emotional blackmail, defamation, and other tactics women use to manipulate men and take advantage of them. Arguably toxic femininity is dominant in our culture. The term toxic masculinity existing first, with toxic femininty only existing as a term in response demonstrates that.
Let's all just be masculine or feminine in a positive way that encourages and enables trust, social bonds, cooperation, understanding and all those good things.
When they say society.... its the women who won't be attracted to us if we aren't tall, high earning that don't express our feelings.
Batman to the Joker, you made me first!!
Brett, you don't need to be more feminine. You're perfect just the way you are.
I agree, although there is always room to improve... Heheh
Absolutely! Where was a woman like you in my 20s?
No she's not. Her eyebrows are too heavy and she talks too fast.
Her eyebrows are so cute Whatchu talking bout😭
@@robertd9850wtf does that have to do with masculinity
I have 4 brothers and out of all of them, the brother with typically less masculine traits, is the one with the least respect for a persons time, feelings, wellbeing, privacy, etc. There have been literal instances in my life where I have been put in actual danger for his inability to think of anything but his feelings. The only traditionally masculine trait he has off the top of my head, is his ability to get angry at anything, which makes things so much worse.
One time, after I had yelled at him for some unsafe pool practices, he jumped on me. Not near, not by, ON ME, in the deep end of a pool. I sank to the bottom, swallowed a ton of water, got bruises, and a week later he was trying to do it again. In his mind I was the bad guy, I had yelled at him and made him cry, I had hurt his feelings and deserved to be in pain for it. The thing I yelled at him for was doing the exact same thing to our sister.
It isn't just me he does with stuff with, all my family gets to deal with him. My 3 other brothers are able to talk about things rationally, show emotion WHEN NEEDED, are compelling willing to do whatever chores necessary. They also all have facial hair, are a lot stronger than I will ever be, are better drivers than me, most have tattoos, like very violent video games etc.
I wish my less masculine brother was more like my more masculine brothers.
Brett, thank you so much for always being an advocate for men. We appreciate it
Why tf do we need advocating for? As a male, I've neve felt persecuted. I feel like we're getting to this point where white men need to feel sorry for themselves all the time. Why? Honestly, who do we need protection from? The only thing in this world that scares me is other men, especially the road ragey angry ones, or drunk ones.
First. Love you brett. Ur great at sharing your views and amazing at being a role model
My boy Gen getting more coverage! Great job dude!
Remember, never take advice from women/men like this
I like how Brett's cooper beliefs and my beliefs aligned so much like I don't really care about others belief it's just funny because it's a coincidence 😂😂
Did you also file to divorce your parents?
It’s not a coincidence at all! You two just have common sense!👍
You mean emancipate
I hate when people say that people on the internet aren't real people.
YES THEY ARE. And pretending that they aren't is only making the problem fester.
Well, a growing percentage of them are bots 😬
When women ask for "A real Man", I ask them "How much are you paying?".
I hate what the world is
-peter griffin
I learned a long time ago to never be vulnerable around women. Even your wife. Especially your wife. There is no feeling like your supposed life partner taking your biggest insecurities and twisting them deep in your heart like a dagger. If i lose a limb and the EMT is female, ill just say im gonna walk it off even if its my leg that is gone. No big deal. Im good
This is the sad and unfortunate truth. I had to learn this the hard way
This younger gen is so soft. They don't have real problems, they create them LGBTXYZ. Biology doesn't exist in their minds even though it's a fact. When we go to war what happens? U want them fighting or would they, its masculine... I can't even imagine it tbh. We are in trouble.
This!
Masculinity is toxic until it's time to fight.
Why would we think that men get to decide what masculinity is? Men don't get to decide what women want and expect of them. They either adhere to women's expectations and play whatever social role women expect them to play or else they're socially invisible. Therefore there can be no masculinity apart from whatever traits women incentivize. The origin of masculinity is women. Men really have no say in it one way or the other. It's not "society" that puts "pressure on men," as if men actually care that much about what other men think of them. It's just women who put pressure on men. I'm kind of mystified by why this isn't obvious to everybody.
A very thoughtful comment.
Divorce is causing a lot of the problems. Not have a male role model in the home means mean learn how to be men from women. That's kinda like learning to play football from a wedding planner.
Hey Brett! Will we ever get to have All Access Lives with you again? I hope things are going great over there but we do miss you! 💖
It's always entertaining to hear women caught off guard when asked to define the latest buzzword they've adopted into their lexicon.
@@TheSingularity927 The latest buzzwords usually come from Tik Tok. I love how they re-magine their past experiences to suit the latest buzzword as they make a Tik Tok video of it.
I'm 67, been married to the love of my life for 41 years. I have a daughter and 2 sons. It's an article of my faith that men and women are meant to be equal, e.g. the two wings of a bird. They complement each other. We have different aspects and attributes. Equality does not mean all women are the physical equal of all men. That's simply absurd. By equality is meant that each is entitled to fair treatment and opportunities. Outcomes will vary based on circumstances, ability, and effort. Basically women can do anything but become fathers. Men can do anything but give birth and breastfeed. Men are naturally stronger, and more aggressive, are excellent at tasks requiring single focus. Women are naturally better at task switching (multi-tasking is not a thing), are more nurturing, and in terms of physical strength are weaker in terms of power, but have far better stamina. Both sexes have an equal range of intelligence, one is not smarter than the other. Women are more in touch with their intuition (which is a real subconscious process that men should pay better attention to... it can save your life, which is why we have it).
I said earlier that men are more aggressive. There is nothing intrinsically bad about that. It depends on how it's channeled. Aggression can be used positively to overcome obstacles and succeed in life, or at a task. Allowed to run amok it is extremely harmful to relationships and society. We need to give boys a proper channel for their natural aggression. Failing to do that leads to bad consequences for both the boys and society at large.
Men are not encouraged, nor really allowed to have hurt feelings. We therefore immediately transform hurt feeling to anger because that's a socially acceptable emotion which also amps up aggression leading to arguments and/or fights. Society looks down on men who are too in touch with their feelings and who cry too easily as being weak. Women denigrating men denies those men what they really need. Men, emotionally, are simple creatures. We need three things from our spouse: Appreciation, Approval, and Affection. Give a man those three things and he will walk through fire for you. And guess what? Giving those things costs absolutely nothing. In fact, I think most women would be surprised at the rewards they would reap if they did give them.
Just come across this channel and its nice to see some intelligent discussion on this platform
I don't think masculinity itself is toxic. Just like anything can be twisted into something ugly or toxic, I think masculinity can be twisted into a thing where if you don't belong to the "club" than you're considered less of a man or woman. Like there are some people who believe you can't do anything that might make you seem feminine as a man down to how you sit, speak, or act. Or how being sensitive or emotional makes you less than a man. I think those aspects where people are trying to shame you or control you that makes it toxic.
There is no such thing as toxic masculinity or toxic femininity. It's just blaming a person's abhorrent behaviour on the person's sex rather than on the person.
I'm just tired of having to be ashamed of both being a man and being white, only because of what people in the past did (that I have nothing to do with)