Hello, I'm Jessica Oudbier. Thank you so much for all of your kind words of encouragement and kindness. I was unsure how my interview would be recieved.
This is one of the best episodes of the financial confession I have ever watched. You perfectly explained the hardship that is so hard to explain to someone who had a great childhood without any form of abuse. Yet, you still motivated me to continue the struggle in this unfair system. I really needed this interview in my life. Thank you.
@wandat7275 I was an OS but specialized pretty early on and worked closely with allied forces and ship hopped frequently so my deployments were weird. I frequently got confused with other family members until I got my name changed. Boy were they upset when a girl showed up, lol.
@@narutolearner you are inherently valuable just as you are. No matter how hard or how little you work for some boss. It doesn't mean we aren't responsible for our actions or whatever, but all of us are inherently valuable. Nobody can take that away from us.
It's rare to get to meet someone who makes you feel "she's just like me!" I resonated so hard with her trauma and humorous sarcasm, I'm crying. Thank you for bringing her on and sharing her story! People need to sees that people like us exist!
Literally, what she said about "making characters out of equations": she is the only other person apart from me who has ever talked about this, it's not just me 😭
Appreciate your videos! I’m 54 and younger generations should know there’s no shortcut to acquiring wealth, but there are ways to go about it. Fellow millionaires don’t tell the poor/middle class they need the knowledge of finance coaches to help build their wealth. If anyone here needs a good coach, here’s it..
I would love to read a book by this guest or have a Part 2 interview. She is so down-to-earth, self-aware, intelligent, funny, and sarcastic. Loved this conversation!!
I really appreciate how vulnerable this guest was willing to be. She could be truly saving so many people from getting into a bad situation or preventing them from giving up on themselves. I work with people all day, every day and it this guest reminds me that I need to give myself grace when I am having trouble functioning at an optimum level and that I need to extend that grace to others when they need it. Excellent content.
"When I am well enough is when I can fight for myself for when I am weak" 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 This is such a great description of the struggles in fighting for your own mental health care. To be strong enough in a fixed moment to fight for your mental health, makes it hard for other people to imagine you ever struggle. But the truth is, that one moment is just that......a moment.....I wish more people could understand that.
I’m incredibly grateful for this episode - so much of financial advice and online information is focused on individuals who didn’t come from broken or abusive homes or aren’t disabled. My parents transferred their poverty and poor financial behaviors and I’ve had to drag myself out of that cycle by my nails it feels like. Having a partner who came from a “normal” family it’s so stark how much further down the path of financial stability they are than I am which can make me feel so much shame. This episode was so incredibly validating and normalizing for me.
This is why I've always felt like we need several different genres of financial advice. Some "hacks" those of us at the very bottom do to survive (get that sex work money as amazon gift cards so that SSI can't see it in your bank account, be in line at the ebt office at 6am or you wont be seen, make your disability more visible and act dumb for the ssi judge, not too dumb or theyll assign you a payee....) would make ordinary folks blanch... or it would confuse them.
My husband became disabled in 2006 from COPD. He loved to work, defined himself by work, and we needed his income. It took us several years of his trying part-time work, only to have some sort of medical crisis happen each time before we realized that being unable to work consistently is the definition of disability.
That is my situation as well. Thats exactly it, being unable to work consistently is the issue. And the judgment that goes with it, most people don't understand, so I don't tell them or face being harshly judged.
Thank you Jessica. We need a podcast talking about military SA and how you are tossed aside afterwards. I myself went through this and it like ok you are of no longer use because your broken so get out and here’s a check as a reminder. I would forgo any amount of money to be who I once was. And don’t get me started on the VA 🤦🏾♀️. Thank you again for sharing your story you are very brave.
This is by far my favourite guest and favourite conversation that I have seen on this channel. I really respect Jessica, you are honest, straightforward and are the most down to earth and realistic American I have heard on a podcast. I really wish you all the best and hope being on this podcast brings something good into your life
Chelsea, you handled this conversation with such grace and kindness i truly appreciate it. I am a former service member with so many mirrored struggles as Jessica. Thank you for giving this conversation a platform and handling it with such care. Thank you so much to your whole team. And thank you, Jessica for sharing your story 🤍
Looking forward to this one- this is such an important topic and a perspective that often gets overlooked in our society. Thanks, Chelsea and to your guest for sharing.
There's a lot of wisdom there, especially these things: 1) Securing financial resources for the future, to not be dependent on other people. 2) Not marrying and having kids young. 3) Not having kids just for the sake of having family.
For anyone who would like to read more from Jessica, you can find her website here! www.brainerror404.com/ Thank you for the lovely response to our conversation. -C
My first and last reaction to this interview are both “Wow.” The vulnerability that Jessica came to this conversation with was amazing. I appreciate everything that she shared and I’m glad to know her story. She is definitely saying out loud a lot of what people are thinking. And that’s good. We should say more of those things out loud.
First off, I think she would be an amazing stand-up comedian because she's equal parts hilarious and tragic in an extremely human way. Second, a lot of this is going to stick with me. "We are one head injury away from becoming monsters."
I was so glad she talked about head injuries. I'm disabled from a traumatic brain injury in a car rollover accident, and so is my neighbor from a motorcycle accident. We both came back two different people than before. Impulse control is really hard now, and so is mood regulation and short term memory.
Fantastic interview, Chelsea! Thank you for giving us a chance to hear Jessica’s perspective and advice on navigating tough decisions in succession and keeping our eyes on our personal end goals. I’m so sorry that she was put through all that she’s been through, but I so appreciate you giving her an opportunity to share her story!
Wish I could like this many more times! I relate to her approach on dealing with things and greatly appreciate her realism without it feeling depressing. I sometimes feel a bleak outlook and this interview really helps! Xx
This episode hit so close to home. I was disabled but working and almost done with my doctorate when I got completely sidelined by Long Covid in 2022. Everything she talks about with finding your people is spot on as well as the difficulty in getting the people making decisions to understand what things are like when they can’t see.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for addressing this issue. My situation is a little different but I'm a survivor of violent abuse and stalking, and now have severe C-PTSD. I'm on permanent SSDI (Social Security Disability for my C-PTSD). I used to make a good living in the corporate world prior to all of this, but spent my entire savings on legal matters escaping the violent abusive stalker. He was quite wealthy and we never married. I finally escaped around the age of 50 yo, and now I have no home (living at my sisters home) with no savings, and trying to figure out how to move past just surviving to thriving at this age. In addition to my SSDI, I do work two days per week at a very simple, minimum wage paying job, (entirely opposite of my lifelong career at fortune 500's) so I put some of that added part-time work money away while living at my sisters. But in this economy, it feels entirely uphill. There's really no justice for this type of scenario. Early retirement on SSDI with no savings is not enough and certainly not retribution for someone who's worked very hard, but experienced severe violence and trauma.
This one really hit home. I'm also a military member with ADHD (suspected ASD as well). In Canada there was actually a class action lawsuit against the government for sexual misconduct in the military. It was retraumatizing to go through the process, and the payout felt weird and dirty, like I was exploiting my own suffering. I try to reframe it and view it as any other settlement you would get for an injury or pain and suffering. It's such a complex space to maneuver.
I am so sorry this happened to you.thank you for fighting to have it recognized and stay written as precedent.im rooting for you, and wish for your health and joy in the future
@amanda43... I am humbled by your self awareness and courage in the face of systemic attempts at dismissal. That settlement rightfully belongs to you. The consequences of abuse require counselling, medical tests, physical, mental and emotional support. Those things cost money, if only so you can afford to stay home on a bad day. Stay strong.
i grew up poor and always worried about money. now im an adult and i save save save, i hate spending money on anything because what if i wont have enough for food again? my dream is to travel but when i think that a dream destination for me would be 3-4 thousand dollars, that makes me never want to leave my house.
I feel you. I want to go all over, but right now, I am starting small by doing short trips to other cities. I dealt with a lot of financial insecurity growing up and it has taken years to develop a safety net and then to feel safe spending money.
I get it so much, so hard to let yourself buy something you want, plan for the trip you've dreamed about. And so much envy towards people who can just buy tickets, book the hotel and go without any huge lists of planned activities with prices... I'm earning a good amount of money (for the place I live in), but feel more poor than people who can just go to the shop and buy the boots they liked because I can't do it
Need job that sends you there on their dime. not as fun as doing it for and by yourself, but I've heard from engineers this has been a worthwhile experience for them. Not sure If your job can lend to this or if you'd be willing to work on something new to get there. But I want to believe you'll manage a way of making it happen and enjoying yourself in the end. Im rooting for you
I grew up very poor. It was Ukraine in 90s, where soviet Union wasn't existing, as well as jobs on the market (because it was internal market of communist country) people lost everything, it was hyperinflation and so on. I was wearing clothes from my sister, my first new winter jacket I got with fifteen, and with sixteen I was at the university (our school system is different, and also I went to the school very early). Anyways, I started to travel abroad only with 24. It is easy, because Europe is small and good to travel. We'll, long story short - I live in Germany for 13 years now, have more or less normal salary, but I can't imagine my life without traveling. I have been in many countries, like over 30, some of them many times, I speak 5 languages and I can't imagine my life without travel. It gave me so much information and new sights, that Is worth all the money I have spent and more. But on the other side, I have enough money to live 4 years without working (but of course very basic, without michtraveling) and I really manage my money good. Example for budget traveling, if you are more or less open to experiment - couch surfing, home exchange, pet sitting (you stay in the house, enjoy vacation but also take care of animals in the house), renting camper and so on. Checking flights through Google flights or so can give best prices, travelling with small luggage (I guess this is very hard for many people but manageable) will save you lots of money as well. Anyways, in my case, I will always tracel as much as I can, and never regret every penny I spent on it,even if I am very thoughtful with other purchases.
Ooo at around 43:00 feeling it. My parents had NO financial tools, my mother was bipolar. They were RIDICULOUS on their own as they aged so I moved them in with me. It was bonkers and enlightening. Currently, my father passed years ago. My mother and I are estranged. She may or may not still be alive. It was a big learning experience. I remember two things said to me during that time. One: after one of the times my mother screwed us over, a friend said "how dare you try to care for them." Love it. For real. Two: when my mother and I became estranged, a friend said "This is what I've always wanted for you." 😂❤ It took me a couple years to get that second one, but he was so right.
I’m a fellow Jessica with ADHD. My parents worked to give me a wonderful childhood, but I grew up relatively poor and as no childhood is perfect I have some battle scars I’m fixing. I loved your segment because it spoke so much to my experiences in the ways that I am trying to make sense of my life now. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! ❤
When Jessica said that spite motivates her, I love that. I've often said "My bad attitude will sustain me," because a lot of times those dark, angry, mean emotions are some of the easiest to turn into motivation and when the world is cruel and you need ANY purpose to hang in there and keep going... Spite will do the trick. Joy and inspiration feel better, but spite is so reliable.
That was one of the best financial confessions (and interviews in general) I’ve listened too I loved and appreciated the direct, strong and driven, yet compassionate, authentic and humorous answers from Jessica
I loved this conversation, my only tiny critique is I don't think the title of the video is effective at describing it. But coming from a military family, I recognize a lot here. And also on the mental health side as well.
The ending message is the most sobering message of all, I appreciate the way it was articulated. I’ve heard it in many different ways. I’ve even heard it from Chelsea herself with the reasoning for her prenup (I hope I’m not putting words in your mouth). It’s a moment of clarity where you decide to protect yourself and people you care for from what darkness may happen.
Agreed with everyone here, this was a powerful one. Really appreciate Jessica’s candor, and as someone who is a fan of dry humor I really enjoyed how she phrased different ideas and responded to the topics. As always, great follow-up questions and an empathetic ear from Chelsea as well. I hope the FC podcast keeps moving in this general direction.
Thank you Chelsea and Jessica! ❤❤❤ It is such a delight to hear real talk from another SA survivor with ADHD from a dysfunctional, low-income family. Like Jessica, I struggled with the gendered power imbalances when I got married. (He still makes way more than me for the same reasons Jessica describes: my neurotypical husband can be more consistent at his job. I am less so, especially when I don't have reliable access to meds, so I am often saddled with the housework while working part-time jobs for low pay, despite our shared egalitarian values.) Also, amen for being a dumb 20-something-year-old who just wanted to kick-ass and kiss guys! 😘 What a refreshing and honest look at what it can be like to try to work, parent, and survive in 2024. Thank you for this amazing conversation. ❤❤❤
I was so glad she talked about head injuries. I'm disabled from a traumatic brain injury in a car rollover accident where I didn't even hit my head but the G-forces caused some diffuse axonal neuron shearing. And so is my neighbor from a motorcycle accident where he did have a head impact. We both came back two different people than before. Impulse control is really hard now, and so is mood regulation and short term memory. My neighbor's behavior has become abusive and i'm trying to deal with that from inside low income housing where we already both live.
Thank you SO much for this video - I can relate to her so much. Some of the comments on this video are proof why more of these stories need to be shared.
Thank you so much for your brutally honest pep talk, Jessica🙏 I’m diagnosed with ADHD myself, and with a partner who evades conflict at all costs, it is so freeing how you’re not beating about the bush💪🏼
I love this girl! I have never related more to someone on your show and as a fellow Navy Vet I’m dying to know what her rate was! Also As a disabled vet I am so glad to hear her story especially I am a 100% disabled vet and it’s laughable how they treat mental health issues within the military and the VA. I currently work for the gov and pay for my own health insurance because all of my VA experiences have been awful from not being able to see a psychiatrist in a timely manner to them taking you seriously about your other conditions. I hope she gets to that 100% !
Went on disability for rheumatoid arthritis when I was 30, with two small children. 52 now and off disability and (went back to school to get Medical Coder certification and am a Coder for the VA now. I think this might be a career choice for her in the future if reading records of many, many others like her would be ok, might be triggering though. My heart goes out to her. She is so not the only one.
I related to her so much, our lives have been so similar, this has been one of my favourite videos you’ve ever done. I would love if you had her back or more guest like this.
I’m on my medication journey with severe anxiety and adhd so just talking about how medication is a barrier is so true. Not only financially, but mentally it took me years to prove to myself that I needed it. You really do have to stick up for yourself and it can feel impossible when you have mental disabilities.
Loved the dark truth and the unapologetic truth bombs. My life and military career mirrored hers along with the PTSD. Its extremely hard when you present normal when you are anything but. The exhaustion is over whelming.
I an always surprised when people talk about other family members not approving a couple’s financial decisions (the 7k account). It seems to be common that a couple’s parents, etc need to know financial decisions that in my opinion is not anyone else’s business.
I agree. Though as I consider why we ask for approval, I figured why I would do it. I depend on their help in case of emergency. If they do not approve, I fear they will not help me when I need them. Another way I think of this is like presenting an investor to support me in my business endeavor.
Wonderful choice of a guest. What a bright, self-aware eloquent person. How sad she's had to endure trauma of assault within an already certifiably traumatizing backdrop of being in the military of a country perpetually at wars. Glad she felt that FTD was a safe and comfortable space for her to speak out about the complexities of her situation.
Hands down one of the best guests to come on TFC so far. The ways in which is kept it real were so completely refreshing. I'd listen to all of her life philosophies if I could.
Thank you for this episode! And especially Jessica, for your honesty and bravery in talking!! You spoke about that Hope part regarding your relationship with your mother, which stuck with me. Without saying too much, I am still unable to talk about everything open- I tried and hoped for many years despite how she treated us. 20 years later free of that destructive relationship, that made me question more than once, what is my cause in that world- I am a mum myself of the most precious child, I could ever have hoped for. Enjoying life, laughing, learning, and appreciating every day we have together. All the best for you and your family!
The FU fund so important… good for you. Horrible that she had to fight both sides of her family on that… so much suffering could be resolved if women kept separate FU emergency accounts.
That was an amazing interview. Jessica is down to earth, articulate, and I love her way of phrasing things. I love her sense of humor. I am sorry she had a poor experience in the Navy. If she had stayed in, I'm sure she would have gone far. I am glad she advocated for her health and financial security. Sound like you and your husband went through a rough patch, but came out strong. I wish her and her family the best. She could start her own business with her hobbies.
This was an absolutely incredible listen, and I loved her words at the end - profound, wise and incredibly funny. I really appreciate this a great deal.
Jessica, you remind me of so many of my friends growing up. There was a strong military presence nearby, people are upfront with their emotions and problems because its just faster to reach a resolution that way. The more I grow up the more I see it as a strength. From what I can tell you are a good mother. All any of us can do is take things one day at a time. You are doing a great job of that. Take it easy
I hope this interview reaches female physicians and medical professionals. The relation between gender and access to care for PTSD, and ADHD is a large barrier to appropriate care, and directly effects patients likeliness to go into poverty or stay in poverty. All clinicians, but especially female clinicians I think can understand if they were to listen to someone's full story like hers, especially as she includes all of the logistical barriers that exist in obtaining standard treatment. It's not that doctors don't want to deliver the care, it's that it take an additional amount of paperwork for referrals to specialists, and things need to be worded a certain way to get services approved. While it's not a physicians job to be an administrative assistant, physicians are the key representative in a patients care and have a better position gain access for their patients.
I recently worked with a financial advisor (CFP) that told me that she doesn’t work with military personnel or veterans because their financial documents, needs, and processes are so different from civilians. Essentially, you can’t lump yourself in with, and go about planning in the same manner of civilians and take financial advice intended for civilians, since most “experts” don’t know much about it.
On military bases there is services that offer financial planning/literacy geared towards military folks for free. A lot of these services unfortunately don’t get used by military folks either because they don’t know, or they might be deployed.
Thank you. I went through things incredibly similar. It doesn’t make me feel any better to know that someone else suffered, but it is somehow easier to keep going with the understanding that i am not alone. I can do all things with spite that strengthens me.
I'm so glad to see so many positive comments. The last interview with the van life girl was not that great and everyone really piled on about it. This guest is not as smooth of an interview but people are acknowledging that she still has a lot of good things to say
I can't get over her saying "I'm broken." You're not broken. You're a complete human soul endowed with divinity, energy, light, and love. Nothing that happens to you could ever take that away. Your body is a vessel, your mind is a medium, but your soul is pure. As someone that has been sexually assaulted and nearly killed myself I would never EVER describe myself as "broken" because words have power and you are making yourself believe that.
mil vet young mom here, this is so relatable! ive been out for a yr, just got disability pay and i go to school full time to finish my certifications since the navy doesnt certify you in trade jobs. so gi bill and disability pay is my income. get my allowances once per month, about half of my regular income. financial advice is sooo hard bc it just doesnt fit with life. but i still love tfd and do my best to follow. thank you for sharing!
This was a really hard episode to watch, probably because it's so real. I mean, it's one person's perspective but her experience was tough. I'm grateful she was willing to share. She definitely told it like it is, no sugar coating. But I'm guessing she is not alone in the slightest ansld we do need more voices like hers to be heard.
I appreciate this real people season which has its ups and downs like everything else. This is a interview is a highlight. I appreciate Confessions effort to bring a variety of prospectives. Also, all these interviewees are brave!
If she doesn't go into Comedy she's missing her calling for sure! I get that none of this was a joke and that she's just being brutally honest, but isn't that THE best comedy? 🤔
thanks for sharing. One of the things I loved about this is, that you're showing a different sort of assault victim. You are allowed to be angry and raging. Thanks for that.
please pass this little nugget on to fellow ADHDers: They are finding that ADHD people were the HUNTERS and the rest of the neurotypical people were like the farmers. So hearing her comments about the military doing good things to your brain...kinda put together with that other info....kinda interesting. Hope someone smarter than me puts that together.
That is SO interesting! I am diagnosed now. Always did well with structure to an extent but when I got out of school and got a work from home corporate job ,I felt (and feel) absolutely useless. I'm not interested in it at all and it gives me no purpose. I think I need to find something with much more action and excitement! The hunter comment makes a lot of sense. For now, I just watch CZcams all day and do puzzles to keep me occupied and pick up random hobbies. Fascinating though, thank you!
@@ashleywoncheck9582 awesome! Yeah, I (also) do best working from home! :) Even if it's corporate. Hoping i'll find something i can actually bear to put heart and soul into entrepreneurship...until then, corporate it is.
Hello, I'm Jessica Oudbier. Thank you so much for all of your kind words of encouragement and kindness. I was unsure how my interview would be recieved.
I would love to follow you on twitter if you have it?
This is one of the best episodes of the financial confession I have ever watched. You perfectly explained the hardship that is so hard to explain to someone who had a great childhood without any form of abuse. Yet, you still motivated me to continue the struggle in this unfair system. I really needed this interview in my life. Thank you.
Thank you for the interview! Were you in the Navy? What was your rate?
@wandat7275 I was an OS but specialized pretty early on and worked closely with allied forces and ship hopped frequently so my deployments were weird. I frequently got confused with other family members until I got my name changed. Boy were they upset when a girl showed up, lol.
@@narutolearner you are inherently valuable just as you are. No matter how hard or how little you work for some boss. It doesn't mean we aren't responsible for our actions or whatever, but all of us are inherently valuable. Nobody can take that away from us.
« When in doubt, take a nap » is the best advice I’ve ever heard on this damn internet
Yeah, I also learned it from my cat XD
"We're all one head injury away from becoming monsters." Sheesh, never looked at financial and life planning that way, but that's so real.
It's rare to get to meet someone who makes you feel "she's just like me!" I resonated so hard with her trauma and humorous sarcasm, I'm crying. Thank you for bringing her on and sharing her story! People need to sees that people like us exist!
Literally, what she said about "making characters out of equations": she is the only other person apart from me who has ever talked about this, it's not just me 😭
Appreciate your videos! I’m 54 and younger generations should know there’s no shortcut to acquiring wealth, but there are ways to go about it. Fellow millionaires don’t tell the poor/middle class they need the knowledge of finance coaches to help build their wealth. If anyone here needs a good coach, here’s it..
l made better decisions that grew my finances (over 1M in 2yrs) with heIp of my financiaI pIanner. Got my 3rd house Iast month, and will retire soon.
Elizabeth Greenhunts
Get to her with her name..
Good to here. Thanks
Amazed by this, will partake on it surely.
I would love to read a book by this guest or have a Part 2 interview. She is so down-to-earth, self-aware, intelligent, funny, and sarcastic. Loved this conversation!!
same!!! I enjoy her sharing with such vulnerability
Thank you great interview
I really appreciate how vulnerable this guest was willing to be. She could be truly saving so many people from getting into a bad situation or preventing them from giving up on themselves. I work with people all day, every day and it this guest reminds me that I need to give myself grace when I am having trouble functioning at an optimum level and that I need to extend that grace to others when they need it. Excellent content.
"When I am well enough is when I can fight for myself for when I am weak" 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
This is such a great description of the struggles in fighting for your own mental health care. To be strong enough in a fixed moment to fight for your mental health, makes it hard for other people to imagine you ever struggle. But the truth is, that one moment is just that......a moment.....I wish more people could understand that.
I’m incredibly grateful for this episode - so much of financial advice and online information is focused on individuals who didn’t come from broken or abusive homes or aren’t disabled. My parents transferred their poverty and poor financial behaviors and I’ve had to drag myself out of that cycle by my nails it feels like. Having a partner who came from a “normal” family it’s so stark how much further down the path of financial stability they are than I am which can make me feel so much shame. This episode was so incredibly validating and normalizing for me.
This is why I've always felt like we need several different genres of financial advice.
Some "hacks" those of us at the very bottom do to survive (get that sex work money as amazon gift cards so that SSI can't see it in your bank account, be in line at the ebt office at 6am or you wont be seen, make your disability more visible and act dumb for the ssi judge, not too dumb or theyll assign you a payee....) would make ordinary folks blanch... or it would confuse them.
My husband became disabled in 2006 from COPD. He loved to work, defined himself by work, and we needed his income. It took us several years of his trying part-time work, only to have some sort of medical crisis happen each time before we realized that being unable to work consistently is the definition of disability.
That is my situation as well. Thats exactly it, being unable to work consistently is the issue. And the judgment that goes with it, most people don't understand, so I don't tell them or face being harshly judged.
Thank you Jessica. We need a podcast talking about military SA and how you are tossed aside afterwards. I myself went through this and it like ok you are of no longer use because your broken so get out and here’s a check as a reminder. I would forgo any amount of money to be who I once was. And don’t get me started on the VA 🤦🏾♀️. Thank you again for sharing your story you are very brave.
Same situation + we're both veterans
This is by far my favourite guest and favourite conversation that I have seen on this channel. I really respect Jessica, you are honest, straightforward and are the most down to earth and realistic American I have heard on a podcast. I really wish you all the best and hope being on this podcast brings something good into your life
Chelsea, you handled this conversation with such grace and kindness i truly appreciate it. I am a former service member with so many mirrored struggles as Jessica. Thank you for giving this conversation a platform and handling it with such care. Thank you so much to your whole team. And thank you, Jessica for sharing your story 🤍
Looking forward to this one- this is such an important topic and a perspective that often gets overlooked in our society. Thanks, Chelsea and to your guest for sharing.
There's a lot of wisdom there, especially these things:
1) Securing financial resources for the future, to not be dependent on other people.
2) Not marrying and having kids young.
3) Not having kids just for the sake of having family.
For anyone who would like to read more from Jessica, you can find her website here!
www.brainerror404.com/
Thank you for the lovely response to our conversation.
-C
My first and last reaction to this interview are both “Wow.” The vulnerability that Jessica came to this conversation with was amazing. I appreciate everything that she shared and I’m glad to know her story. She is definitely saying out loud a lot of what people are thinking. And that’s good. We should say more of those things out loud.
First off, I think she would be an amazing stand-up comedian because she's equal parts hilarious and tragic in an extremely human way. Second, a lot of this is going to stick with me. "We are one head injury away from becoming monsters."
I was so glad she talked about head injuries. I'm disabled from a traumatic brain injury in a car rollover accident, and so is my neighbor from a motorcycle accident. We both came back two different people than before. Impulse control is really hard now, and so is mood regulation and short term memory.
Fantastic interview, Chelsea! Thank you for giving us a chance to hear Jessica’s perspective and advice on navigating tough decisions in succession and keeping our eyes on our personal end goals. I’m so sorry that she was put through all that she’s been through, but I so appreciate you giving her an opportunity to share her story!
Wish I could like this many more times! I relate to her approach on dealing with things and greatly appreciate her realism without it feeling depressing. I sometimes feel a bleak outlook and this interview really helps! Xx
This episode hit so close to home. I was disabled but working and almost done with my doctorate when I got completely sidelined by Long Covid in 2022. Everything she talks about with finding your people is spot on as well as the difficulty in getting the people making decisions to understand what things are like when they can’t see.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for addressing this issue. My situation is a little different but I'm a survivor of violent abuse and stalking, and now have severe C-PTSD. I'm on permanent SSDI (Social Security Disability for my C-PTSD). I used to make a good living in the corporate world prior to all of this, but spent my entire savings on legal matters escaping the violent abusive stalker. He was quite wealthy and we never married. I finally escaped around the age of 50 yo, and now I have no home (living at my sisters home) with no savings, and trying to figure out how to move past just surviving to thriving at this age. In addition to my SSDI, I do work two days per week at a very simple, minimum wage paying job, (entirely opposite of my lifelong career at fortune 500's) so I put some of that added part-time work money away while living at my sisters. But in this economy, it feels entirely uphill. There's really no justice for this type of scenario. Early retirement on SSDI with no savings is not enough and certainly not retribution for someone who's worked very hard, but experienced severe violence and trauma.
This one really hit home.
I'm also a military member with ADHD (suspected ASD as well). In Canada there was actually a class action lawsuit against the government for sexual misconduct in the military. It was retraumatizing to go through the process, and the payout felt weird and dirty, like I was exploiting my own suffering. I try to reframe it and view it as any other settlement you would get for an injury or pain and suffering. It's such a complex space to maneuver.
I am so sorry this happened to you.thank you for fighting to have it recognized and stay written as precedent.im rooting for you, and wish for your health and joy in the future
@amanda43...
I am humbled by your self awareness and courage in the face of systemic attempts at dismissal. That settlement rightfully belongs to you. The consequences of abuse require counselling, medical tests, physical, mental and emotional support. Those things cost money, if only so you can afford to stay home on a bad day. Stay strong.
i grew up poor and always worried about money. now im an adult and i save save save, i hate spending money on anything because what if i wont have enough for food again?
my dream is to travel but when i think that a dream destination for me would be 3-4 thousand dollars, that makes me never want to leave my house.
I feel you. I want to go all over, but right now, I am starting small by doing short trips to other cities. I dealt with a lot of financial insecurity growing up and it has taken years to develop a safety net and then to feel safe spending money.
I get it so much, so hard to let yourself buy something you want, plan for the trip you've dreamed about. And so much envy towards people who can just buy tickets, book the hotel and go without any huge lists of planned activities with prices... I'm earning a good amount of money (for the place I live in), but feel more poor than people who can just go to the shop and buy the boots they liked because I can't do it
Need job that sends you there on their dime. not as fun as doing it for and by yourself, but I've heard from engineers this has been a worthwhile experience for them. Not sure If your job can lend to this or if you'd be willing to work on something new to get there. But I want to believe you'll manage a way of making it happen and enjoying yourself in the end. Im rooting for you
I grew up very poor. It was Ukraine in 90s, where soviet Union wasn't existing, as well as jobs on the market (because it was internal market of communist country) people lost everything, it was hyperinflation and so on. I was wearing clothes from my sister, my first new winter jacket I got with fifteen, and with sixteen I was at the university (our school system is different, and also I went to the school very early).
Anyways, I started to travel abroad only with 24. It is easy, because Europe is small and good to travel. We'll, long story short - I live in Germany for 13 years now, have more or less normal salary, but I can't imagine my life without traveling. I have been in many countries, like over 30, some of them many times, I speak 5 languages and I can't imagine my life without travel. It gave me so much information and new sights, that Is worth all the money I have spent and more.
But on the other side, I have enough money to live 4 years without working (but of course very basic, without michtraveling) and I really manage my money good.
Example for budget traveling, if you are more or less open to experiment - couch surfing, home exchange, pet sitting (you stay in the house, enjoy vacation but also take care of animals in the house), renting camper and so on. Checking flights through Google flights or so can give best prices, travelling with small luggage (I guess this is very hard for many people but manageable) will save you lots of money as well.
Anyways, in my case, I will always tracel as much as I can, and never regret every penny I spent on it,even if I am very thoughtful with other purchases.
Ooo at around 43:00 feeling it. My parents had NO financial tools, my mother was bipolar. They were RIDICULOUS on their own as they aged so I moved them in with me. It was bonkers and enlightening.
Currently, my father passed years ago. My mother and I are estranged. She may or may not still be alive. It was a big learning experience. I remember two things said to me during that time.
One: after one of the times my mother screwed us over, a friend said "how dare you try to care for them." Love it. For real.
Two: when my mother and I became estranged, a friend said "This is what I've always wanted for you."
😂❤ It took me a couple years to get that second one, but he was so right.
I’m a fellow Jessica with ADHD. My parents worked to give me a wonderful childhood, but I grew up relatively poor and as no childhood is perfect I have some battle scars I’m fixing. I loved your segment because it spoke so much to my experiences in the ways that I am trying to make sense of my life now. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! ❤
When Jessica said that spite motivates her, I love that. I've often said "My bad attitude will sustain me," because a lot of times those dark, angry, mean emotions are some of the easiest to turn into motivation and when the world is cruel and you need ANY purpose to hang in there and keep going... Spite will do the trick. Joy and inspiration feel better, but spite is so reliable.
That was one of the best financial confessions (and interviews in general) I’ve listened too
I loved and appreciated the direct, strong and driven, yet compassionate, authentic and humorous answers from Jessica
I loved this conversation, my only tiny critique is I don't think the title of the video is effective at describing it. But coming from a military family, I recognize a lot here. And also on the mental health side as well.
The ending message is the most sobering message of all, I appreciate the way it was articulated. I’ve heard it in many different ways. I’ve even heard it from Chelsea herself with the reasoning for her prenup (I hope I’m not putting words in your mouth). It’s a moment of clarity where you decide to protect yourself and people you care for from what darkness may happen.
I enjoyed this talk a lot, Jessica is very charismatic.
Agreed with everyone here, this was a powerful one. Really appreciate Jessica’s candor, and as someone who is a fan of dry humor I really enjoyed how she phrased different ideas and responded to the topics. As always, great follow-up questions and an empathetic ear from Chelsea as well. I hope the FC podcast keeps moving in this general direction.
This was a compelling guest with riveting insights.
Omg this woman is my hero. Thank you for being you. ❤
Thank you Chelsea and Jessica! ❤❤❤ It is such a delight to hear real talk from another SA survivor with ADHD from a dysfunctional, low-income family. Like Jessica, I struggled with the gendered power imbalances when I got married. (He still makes way more than me for the same reasons Jessica describes: my neurotypical husband can be more consistent at his job. I am less so, especially when I don't have reliable access to meds, so I am often saddled with the housework while working part-time jobs for low pay, despite our shared egalitarian values.) Also, amen for being a dumb 20-something-year-old who just wanted to kick-ass and kiss guys! 😘 What a refreshing and honest look at what it can be like to try to work, parent, and survive in 2024. Thank you for this amazing conversation. ❤❤❤
I was so glad she talked about head injuries. I'm disabled from a traumatic brain injury in a car rollover accident where I didn't even hit my head but the G-forces caused some diffuse axonal neuron shearing. And so is my neighbor from a motorcycle accident where he did have a head impact. We both came back two different people than before. Impulse control is really hard now, and so is mood regulation and short term memory. My neighbor's behavior has become abusive and i'm trying to deal with that from inside low income housing where we already both live.
Thank you SO much for this video - I can relate to her so much. Some of the comments on this video are proof why more of these stories need to be shared.
Thank you so much for your brutally honest pep talk, Jessica🙏 I’m diagnosed with ADHD myself, and with a partner who evades conflict at all costs, it is so freeing how you’re not beating about the bush💪🏼
This is the most ,to-the-point,’ ‘no-nonsense’ interview I’ve ever seen. I love it!
I love this girl! I have never related more to someone on your show and as a fellow Navy Vet I’m dying to know what her rate was! Also As a disabled vet I am so glad to hear her story especially I am a 100% disabled vet and it’s laughable how they treat mental health issues within the military and the VA. I currently work for the gov and pay for my own health insurance because all of my VA experiences have been awful from not being able to see a psychiatrist in a timely manner to them taking you seriously about your other conditions. I hope she gets to that 100% !
Went on disability for rheumatoid arthritis when I was 30, with two small children. 52 now and off disability and (went back to school to get Medical Coder certification and am a Coder for the VA now. I think this might be a career choice for her in the future if reading records of many, many others like her would be ok, might be triggering though. My heart goes out to her. She is so not the only one.
I related to her so much, our lives have been so similar, this has been one of my favourite videos you’ve ever done. I would love if you had her back or more guest like this.
I’m on my medication journey with severe anxiety and adhd so just talking about how medication is a barrier is so true. Not only financially, but mentally it took me years to prove to myself that I needed it. You really do have to stick up for yourself and it can feel impossible when you have mental disabilities.
Loved the dark truth and the unapologetic truth bombs. My life and military career mirrored hers along with the PTSD. Its extremely hard when you present normal when you are anything but. The exhaustion is over whelming.
Wow, it's the first relatable guest on this ever! More like this please.
I an always surprised when people talk about other family members not approving a couple’s financial decisions (the 7k account). It seems to be common that a couple’s parents, etc need to know financial decisions that in my opinion is not anyone else’s business.
I agree. Though as I consider why we ask for approval, I figured why I would do it. I depend on their help in case of emergency. If they do not approve, I fear they will not help me when I need them. Another way I think of this is like presenting an investor to support me in my business endeavor.
She has been the realest guest. I really appreciate her telling her story. Her relationships with her husband, mom, children and dad are so relatable.
Wonderful choice of a guest. What a bright, self-aware eloquent person. How sad she's had to endure trauma of assault within an already certifiably traumatizing backdrop of being in the military of a country perpetually at wars. Glad she felt that FTD was a safe and comfortable space for her to speak out about the complexities of her situation.
@@nedas9187 No one forced her to join the military.
@@sildom4023 no one's forcing you to troll with your shallow perceptions either.
Hands down one of the best guests to come on TFC so far. The ways in which is kept it real were so completely refreshing. I'd listen to all of her life philosophies if I could.
Hi! 27 and disabled at 14. This was a really encouraging video. Thanks so much for sharing this
LOVE this kind of content...thank you!!
This is such an insightful conversation- she's so straightforward and direct about her struggles.
What an incredible woman. Thank you for sharing yourself with us, Jessica!
Thank you for this episode! And especially Jessica, for your honesty and bravery in talking!! You spoke about that Hope part regarding your relationship with your mother, which stuck with me. Without saying too much, I am still unable to talk about everything open- I tried and hoped for many years despite how she treated us. 20 years later free of that destructive relationship, that made me question more than once, what is my cause in that world- I am a mum myself of the most precious child, I could ever have hoped for. Enjoying life, laughing, learning, and appreciating every day we have together. All the best for you and your family!
A real person. Thank you.
Extremely powerful interview, thank you both so much for sharing this conversation 💞
The FU fund so important… good for you. Horrible that she had to fight both sides of her family on that… so much suffering could be resolved if women kept separate FU emergency accounts.
She is incredible - I hope some publisher sees this because she needs a book deal! I would buy that memoir so fast 💛
THIS!!
Thank you so much for being on this episode.
So far I very much love your choice of speaker. Really great start!
Wow, what a powerful interview. Jessica, your vulnerability and honesty are a marvel. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
This was the wildest financial confession yet. It almost felt like reading a Reddit story 😭. Thank you for putting yourself out there!
That was an amazing interview. Jessica is down to earth, articulate, and I love her way of phrasing things.
I love her sense of humor. I am sorry she had a poor experience in the Navy. If she had stayed in, I'm sure she would have gone far.
I am glad she advocated for her health and financial security. Sound like you and your husband went through a rough patch, but came out strong. I wish her and her family the best.
She could start her own business with her hobbies.
This was an absolutely incredible listen, and I loved her words at the end - profound, wise and incredibly funny. I really appreciate this a great deal.
Jessica, you remind me of so many of my friends growing up. There was a strong military presence nearby, people are upfront with their emotions and problems because its just faster to reach a resolution that way. The more I grow up the more I see it as a strength. From what I can tell you are a good mother. All any of us can do is take things one day at a time. You are doing a great job of that. Take it easy
I hope this interview reaches female physicians and medical professionals. The relation between gender and access to care for PTSD, and ADHD is a large barrier to appropriate care, and directly effects patients likeliness to go into poverty or stay in poverty.
All clinicians, but especially female clinicians I think can understand if they were to listen to someone's full story like hers, especially as she includes all of the logistical barriers that exist in obtaining standard treatment. It's not that doctors don't want to deliver the care, it's that it take an additional amount of paperwork for referrals to specialists, and things need to be worded a certain way to get services approved. While it's not a physicians job to be an administrative assistant, physicians are the key representative in a patients care and have a better position gain access for their patients.
I recently worked with a financial advisor (CFP) that told me that she doesn’t work with military personnel or veterans because their financial documents, needs, and processes are so different from civilians. Essentially, you can’t lump yourself in with, and go about planning in the same manner of civilians and take financial advice intended for civilians, since most “experts” don’t know much about it.
On military bases there is services that offer financial planning/literacy geared towards military folks for free. A lot of these services unfortunately don’t get used by military folks either because they don’t know, or they might be deployed.
Thank you. I went through things incredibly similar. It doesn’t make me feel any better to know that someone else suffered, but it is somehow easier to keep going with the understanding that i am not alone. I can do all things with spite that strengthens me.
My absolute favorite guest youve had on so far❤ thank you Jessica
Thanks for uploading this during disability awareness month
I love the underwater basketweaving reference and the honesty and dark humor. Thank you for sharing.
Amazong episode and fantastic guest.
I'm so glad to see so many positive comments. The last interview with the van life girl was not that great and everyone really piled on about it. This guest is not as smooth of an interview but people are acknowledging that she still has a lot of good things to say
This was such a great interview. I felt the justified, controlled, seething rage.
Thank you Jessica!!! I appreciate what you have shared so much!
I loved this interview ❤ Chelsea! This was great. 🎉
The book (and titular phrase) "Catch-22" literally came from the no-win situation PTSD-sufferers in the military find themselves in.
I can't get over her saying "I'm broken." You're not broken. You're a complete human soul endowed with divinity, energy, light, and love. Nothing that happens to you could ever take that away. Your body is a vessel, your mind is a medium, but your soul is pure. As someone that has been sexually assaulted and nearly killed myself I would never EVER describe myself as "broken" because words have power and you are making yourself believe that.
mil vet young mom here, this is so relatable! ive been out for a yr, just got disability pay and i go to school full time to finish my certifications since the navy doesnt certify you in trade jobs. so gi bill and disability pay is my income. get my allowances once per month, about half of my regular income. financial advice is sooo hard bc it just doesnt fit with life. but i still love tfd and do my best to follow. thank you for sharing!
This was a really hard episode to watch, probably because it's so real. I mean, it's one person's perspective but her experience was tough. I'm grateful she was willing to share. She definitely told it like it is, no sugar coating. But I'm guessing she is not alone in the slightest ansld we do need more voices like hers to be heard.
This is one of the most insightful interview I have heard. Thank you.
The way she broke down the military dynamics around the 32min mark 😬 jeez.
One of the best episodes of The Financial Diet.
It's funny how so many things stem from childhood, huh?
This great video offered a fascinating insight into modern military life.
I appreciate this real people season which has its ups and downs like everything else. This is a interview is a highlight. I appreciate Confessions effort to bring a variety of prospectives. Also, all these interviewees are brave!
Such a great episode, thank you for sharing. Really like your vibe and the way you speak ❤🙌
This video is AMAZING. I deeply love it
Amazing video! Jessica displayed incredible resilience and fortitude
If she doesn't go into Comedy she's missing her calling for sure! I get that none of this was a joke and that she's just being brutally honest, but isn't that THE best comedy? 🤔
My wife is 80% medically retired as well. She has not had to go back to justify her disability status. However, it was a different kind of injury
Wow! This was powerful. Jessica is such an impressive person. I hope she writes a book one day.
I loved this interview. This kind of frank honesty is refreshing to hear, and I really related to the guest.
This was a great interview. Everyone should see this.
Alaska! Represent! Thank you for sharing, I learned so much : )
thanks for sharing. One of the things I loved about this is, that you're showing a different sort of assault victim. You are allowed to be angry and raging. Thanks for that.
This woman is extremely sane.
This is an excellent interview. Jessica, thank you for telling the truth.
please pass this little nugget on to fellow ADHDers: They are finding that ADHD people were the HUNTERS and the rest of the neurotypical people were like the farmers. So hearing her comments about the military doing good things to your brain...kinda put together with that other info....kinda interesting. Hope someone smarter than me puts that together.
That is SO interesting! I am diagnosed now. Always did well with structure to an extent but when I got out of school and got a work from home corporate job ,I felt (and feel) absolutely useless. I'm not interested in it at all and it gives me no purpose. I think I need to find something with much more action and excitement! The hunter comment makes a lot of sense. For now, I just watch CZcams all day and do puzzles to keep me occupied and pick up random hobbies. Fascinating though, thank you!
@@ashleywoncheck9582 awesome! Yeah, I (also) do best working from home! :) Even if it's corporate. Hoping i'll find something i can actually bear to put heart and soul into entrepreneurship...until then, corporate it is.
This was SOOOO DEEP! Pure wisdom. Thank you for sharing 🙏🙏💖💖💖💖