12 Autistic Parenting Tips to Quiet the Chaos at Home
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- čas přidán 20. 05. 2024
- Parenting neurodivergent children brings plenty of unique challenges. Those challenges increase when you, yourself are a neurodivergent parent. This video explores 12 strategies you can use to create more calm in the midst of the inevitable storms. ⛈️ 🧘♀️ Scroll down for timestamps. 👇
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⏰ TIMESTAMPS
1:10 Disclaimer: If you’ve met one autistic kid, you’ve met one autistic kid.
2:58 Give them labels and vocabulary to understand their brain.
5:48 Study nervous system regulation and emotional regulation.
8:36 Embrace autistic patterns and create space for different timelines.
11:07 Use visual guides and talk through expectations.
13:05 Identify/create safe meltdown spaces.
14:30 Pick your battles with demand avoidance.
16:03 Develop and maintain relationships with teachers/caretakers.
18:38 Don’t waste energy trying to educate people who don’t want to learn.
20:39 Help your kids work through shame.
22:03 Focus on your child’s strengths.
23:37 Budget spoons (energy) for big events.
25:03 Get used to saying “We do it differently.”
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DISCLAIMER: Taylor Heaton is not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Please note that Taylor can’t take any responsibility for the results of your actions, nor any harm or damage you suffer as a result of the use, or non-use of the information available through her website, CZcams Channel, or social media accounts. Please use judgment and conduct due diligence before taking any action or implementing any plan or practice suggested or recommended by Taylor Heaton or Mom on the Spectrum. Please note that Taylor doesn't make any guarantees about the results of the information you may apply from her website, CZcams channel, and/or social media accounts. Taylor shares educational and informational resources that are intended to help you succeed in navigating life as an autistic adult. You nevertheless need to know that your outcome will be the result of your own efforts, your particular situation, and innumerable other circumstances beyond Taylor's knowledge and control. Taylor is an Amazon affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from affiliate links. Taylor is a Flare affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from Flare links.
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You are a beautiful person worthy of love!
#latediagnosedautistic #momonthespectrum #autisticadult #audhd
Thanks for sharing Taylor! I appreciate the insight and you sharing your experiences. I'm late diagnosed (2 years ago, 34yr) AuDHD and a father of 4 neurodivergent (Autistic, ADHD, AuDHD) kiddos 7 and under with a range of needs. Hearing others like yourself talk about the challenges of being an autistic parent is heartening and is particularly helpful to hear during those extra hard days. One thing I've been realizing that helps with parenting more and more is allowing my kids to see my weaknesses, or rather admitting when I make a mistake, allows our relationships to grow and hopefully will help them see how they dont have to hate themselves when they make a mistake. I think too many of us grow up feeling like that because we dont understand why we dont just "get" things. Now I'm rambling... Anyway, thanks again 😊.
This would have been so useful back in the day! We stumbled upon some of these (when we had no idea what autism even was), and did a pretty good job considering, but we could have done better with more info. One thing that worked really well was explaining honestly *why* we needed to do certain things: sometimes they'd even come up with better ways to meet the goal without doing things they really didn't want to do, and they knew we'd listen to their ideas. Another note is that it doesn't end just because they grow up: our kids have "flown the nest" now, and sometimes one of them needs us to listen to them for literally hours on the phone. They do understand when we can't actively listen any more, even in shifts; what we sometimes do is to have them staying on the phone while we get on with cooking (or whatever), and that seems to help. Also, a bonus with a wholly ND family is that everyone is happy to just say "bye" and put the phone down when we're done! 😁
I'm writing something for my inner kid. These suggestions are a real lifesaver. Looking after a level 2 or level 3 Autistic kid can get pretty overwhelming.
hearing you say "recovering people pleaser" hit strongly within. Great philosophy so live by.
As a two and three year old teacher, this is a great idea for helping my kids on the spectrum.
These tips were great. My son is nonspeaking and has high support needs, and most were applicable to my experience of parenting, too. I think another I'd add is to presume competence. Autistic children can be incredibly intelligent, but many people still think otherwise and may not teach or speak to them appropriately. Great video, Taylor! 💞
Great addition! Thanks for adding this one, Whitney.
I wish I had these tools much sooner in life! I never realized as an adult that looking up the place beforehand and looking at everything visually, figuring out the best route and parking, the menu etc. ALL of this is my brain preparing for the situation! And usually spending a long time afterwards analyzing "how it went"
An idea for a similar video.... something for school teachers .
I'm in tears hearing you say be with them in it. 😢ptsd and flashbacks trauma
I understand. It can feel like re-parenting yourself. Allow your emotions to come up as well and be kind to yourself!
@@MomontheSpectrum thank you so much. 😃🥰💯🫂
Taking notes to use when I deal with my parents ...... (this works both ways)
Well being 41 and daughter is 19 discovering def on spectrum and adhd so overwhelming n 40 hit hard inability to ficus n trauma post father crossing and being gifted its been woah
You and this video have been a Godsend! (I thought i was the only one who liked weighted pillows! I have weighted stuffed animals for me and my son, too!) Thank you for taking about all of this. I get overwhelmed so easily with everything that parenting requires, especially being an autistic mom who has an autistic son, both of whom have different sensory issues and navigating through them! It feels very isolating because nobody around me understands what sensory overload is like and it happens more often as a parent while trying to uelp my son mavigate through his meltdowns and trying to learn how to create homeostasis for our home. I know I need to be more firm in how things need to be at home and not let my ADHD take over and continue being a "yes person" and try to be accomodating to anyone other than my son. This got really long...but i hope my short perspective may ge enlightening and help someone else that may be going through the same things. This lets me know how I am feeling and reacting to life around me is normal, for me. The same for my son. Prioritizing his needs and mine along with communicating what we are going through and feeling to the neurodivergent people around us feels so much less selfish than I was feeling before watching this video. Thanks to you and the community here for being open and sharing things. It helps beyond belief!
Thank you so much for this video!! It has been so affirming for what’s feeling right as a parent for my daughters and me. I know it’s a hard topic to cover, but sharing what has worked/hasn’t worked in your experience has helped me so much!!
When you are ready . . . would you share your thoughts on falling in love . . . You have such amazing gifting to look deep into things and being able to express what needs to be said.
❤This has been right on the money with what I have had to do with my kids. I’d be interested in one on parenting teens on the spectrum, when you get there
You just triggered a memory of my cupboard when I was a child. It only had one door, so I had to reach in and around to the right to get some things. I turned that nook into a comfy cubby. It was definitely my safe space.
Thanks so much for this video and covering this topic! I’ve been having the hardest time finding info on exactly this - parenting as an autist. There’s so much on parenting an autistic child from a neurotypical POV, but not while dealing with being autistic oneself. Thanks again, these are really helpful tips!
Communication is key
What's that weighted pillow stuffed with? Gold? Silver? It's freaking expensive!
It's an investment for sure but it's super high quality and I use it every day. The fabric is like my favorite material ever. Holding the pillow is like a safe pressurized hug. My weighted blanket was also an investment, but these are my prized possessions! Though maybe not what I would grab in a fire because... well, they're heavy. 🤭
Awesome!!! Thank you 🙏
This is soooooooo awesome!
Molly is a good freind
Sorry if this question sounds really weird, but...when you're regulating your own nervous over-stimulation (or trying to), do you ever...yawn? Yawning, despite not being tired in the least, has been an expression of my nervous overwhelm since childhood. Along with my whole body trembling when the over-stimulation is intense.
Thanks for the massive reminder. Just was at a workshop recently and yawning is actually a very quick way to calm your nervous system down. Please continue to yawn.
@@glenrose7482 🙂
Dancing 🕺 together regulates us both! 🎉😊
Hi Taylor, thank you so much for these strategies. They are all super helpfull. However, I have a completely different question : could you recommend a brand of hair accessories I often see you wear in your videos ? I like the pressure that headphones give you but sometimes it gets too much so I am looking for an alternative. Also, you look very pretty when you wear them so I wouldn't mind that added bonus. 😉 Any brands you like ?
Also my name is Prince so can you plz tell Molly
Hi Prince!
Awesome video Taylor..loved every minute; lots of insight, helpful and inspired knowledge 🤲🙂
Thanks so much for the feedback! Glad it was helpful.
@@MomontheSpectrum 🍀
Do you have any thoughts on ABA therapy for kids? I know some people love it and some people hate it so I’m interested in hearing those perspectives.
Thank you very for sharing your experiences and insights filled videos always !! Informative and inspiring !! Outstanding !!
Greetings from California … I wish you and folks good health , success and happiness !! Much Love ✌️😎💕
Thank you so much! Sending more love back your way as well
@@MomontheSpectrum thank you 😊
Are you masking in this video. And do you mask when parenting and caring for your children?
Hey Mom on the Spectrum, really nice video ! I was wondering if I could help you with Best Quality Editing in your videos better than your Editor with good pricing and also make a highly engaging Thumbnail which will help your videos to reach to a wider audience ? Pls let me know what do you think ?
Thanks for a video! ❤
But I would also mention to be very careful about children who are not "out and proud", especially because they can grow up to be very NOT "out and proud" teenagers. Let them decide.
Mine are late diagnosed, me in my 40 and they in their teenagehood. One is out and proud and using shool accomodations when the other is closeted af. We let them process it at their own terms and speed. It's difficult.
You are one of my two favourite autistic youtubers 😊😊
Can someone list the timestamps when the 12 different items are listed? High support needs here, and I don't have the ability to just wait for all of them with such a slow video, and scrubbing around trying to find them is overstimulating.
They’re listed towards the bottom of the description if you scroll down!
@@MomontheSpectrum oh yay didn't see that, thanks for replying!
@MomOnTheSpectrum
What did you do when they were toddlers? I have a granddaughter on the spectrum and we dont know what can help with hte aggression and being overactive . My daughter lives in a rural area with no support system . I read that certain multivitamins can help in behavior and aggression is that true? Im at my wits end . Im also on the spectrum and have had to learn as an adult how to manage myself
I've learned a lot for myself with your help, and I thank you for that very much
Interesting question! Following eating popcorn 🍿
When my child was that age I just got him outside as much as possible and we'd go on long hikes/rambles. I think the aggression is a sign that we were too "close", as in he needed more space to just explore rather than being confined inside a house or being told what to do or structured. The overwhelm would then be turned on me and I'd receive the anger/screaming/crying/hitting/biting etc.
I would also add limiting tv!!! My children are monsters after they watch TV because their minds have been simulated but not their bodies. We rarely watch anything and when we do it's because they're sick or it's a family event. That helps A LOT.
As far as multi vitamins, I would say diet and limiting sugar and carbohydrates also makes a world of different. We eat a "Paleo" diet and I really notice when they eat at other people's houses.
@gem2114 thank you for the information that helps a lot knowing about the diet . Tv and getting outside we also do . Thank you 😊
Why do you bring children?
I think it is wrong to bring children that you know he is going to suffer with their life