Your Tik Toks are So Stupid

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Komentáře • 523

  • @ranting2daMAX
    @ranting2daMAX Před 2 měsíci +3192

    I LOVE “Boyfriend Crashes Car and F]*#{}king dies ASMR”!! I saw it once on a mediashare thingy and then it just kept popping up…

    • @p-__
      @p-__ Před 2 měsíci +9

      My farts are better than Kwite's farts.

    • @KirbosPlanet
      @KirbosPlanet Před 2 měsíci +114

      it's the best video ever, changing my mind is impossible

    • @Jimyrt.
      @Jimyrt. Před 2 měsíci +65

      It’s so good too. I listen every night to stay calm

    • @brandonporter2321
      @brandonporter2321 Před 2 měsíci +50

      It's been a trend recently, and I went down the rabbit hole. I came out of it laughing my cheeks off. XD

    • @KirbosPlanet
      @KirbosPlanet Před 2 měsíci +37

      @@brandonporter2321 which cheeks

  • @Littleghostman4
    @Littleghostman4 Před 2 měsíci +1418

    I love satire asmr, I listen to it to sleep, especially "Femboy falls down stairs"

    • @wheeler_dealer
      @wheeler_dealer Před 2 měsíci +121

      "beating you with a brick asmr"

    • @Kieran_pepper
      @Kieran_pepper Před 2 měsíci +78

      you should listen to "Boyfriend taked you out to eat but his opps slide on him" part 1 and 2 omg i almost had a seizure taht shit was so funny trust

    • @oneconfusedboi
      @oneconfusedboi Před 2 měsíci +40

      "Yandere bashes you brains out with a frying pan ASMR"

    • @noblesseraeva6644
      @noblesseraeva6644 Před 2 měsíci +25

      “Your girlfriend is someone’s opp” is one of my personal favorites

    • @6packgaming43
      @6packgaming43 Před 2 měsíci +2

      YASSSS✨✨💅🏻👁️👄👁️

  • @awsddesafghjb3718
    @awsddesafghjb3718 Před 2 měsíci +1014

    3:36 WHO THE HELL SAID "Kwite finger me"

  • @desertplanet3253
    @desertplanet3253 Před 2 měsíci +1029

    0:19 imo trans flag has the best color combo out of all of them

  • @prod_Stil_TH-GD
    @prod_Stil_TH-GD Před 2 měsíci +193

    "ah a bisexual person. God I hate seeing one of us"
    - Kwite, 2024

    • @Idwren_404
      @Idwren_404 Před měsícem

      the phone drop was just so ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

  • @BigB_thebee
    @BigB_thebee Před 2 měsíci +1061

    How does it feel going from being called a Dream copycat to being genuinely enjoyable and lovable?

    • @p-__
      @p-__ Před 2 měsíci +17

      My farts are better than Kwite's farts.

    • @zolline
      @zolline Před 2 měsíci +128

      ​@@p-__ prove it 🥵🥵

    • @lwaysDrawing
      @lwaysDrawing Před 2 měsíci +58

      ​@@p-__ we need proof

    • @whitestarlinegoodnight
      @whitestarlinegoodnight Před 2 měsíci +17

      Yo that's a sick pfp

    • @BigB_thebee
      @BigB_thebee Před 2 měsíci +10

      @@whitestarlinegoodnight thank

  • @danielrivas6243
    @danielrivas6243 Před 2 měsíci +491

    did you know that when you are decapitated, you can still be conscious for another 10 seconds before dying of blood loss and a lack of circulating oxygenated blood (brain ischemia)?

    • @LampGaming08
      @LampGaming08 Před 2 měsíci +8

      No way really? I knew part of that

    • @datcap6289
      @datcap6289 Před 2 měsíci +8

      i half-did

    • @danielrivas6243
      @danielrivas6243 Před 2 měsíci +46

      @@LampGaming08 yeah, i searched it up, it says "Decapitation is quickly fatal to humans and most animals. Unconsciousness occurs within 10 seconds without circulating oxygenated blood (brain ischemia)." so you can still be conscious after another ten seconds after decapitation.

    • @Iwannaeatlasagna
      @Iwannaeatlasagna Před 2 měsíci +3

      WHO TOOK THE 69TH LIKE AWAY FROM US

    • @Midnightaperson
      @Midnightaperson Před 2 měsíci +19

      Yeah some one did a test a long time ago (i cant remember details) and before some one was decapitated on a guillotine the guy asked if he would blink after his head was cut off. So when they cut his head off a minut later he blinked for 10 seconds after

  • @kytyanimation
    @kytyanimation Před 2 měsíci +355

    4:14 every british kid gets collective ptsd from being forced to sing this

    • @amargwari2431
      @amargwari2431 Před 2 měsíci +17

      Do cauliflower rice and potato taste so good to you?

    • @TheLethargicWeirdo985
      @TheLethargicWeirdo985 Před 2 měsíci +11

      It’s another Harvest Festival
      When we bring our fruit and vegetables,
      Cause we want to share the best of all
      Good things that we’ve been given.
      It’s another opportunity
      to be grateful for the food we eat
      With a Samba celebration
      To say thank you to God the Father

    • @TheLethargicWeirdo985
      @TheLethargicWeirdo985 Před 2 měsíci +3

      Yes I am traumatised by it still along with that' give it a 1, give it a 2, give it a 1,2,3' song

    • @octookien7380
      @octookien7380 Před 2 měsíci +7

      The flashbacks I got from Just hearing “cabbages and greens”

    • @jada9284
      @jada9284 Před 2 měsíci +6

      The school rules song was the most traumatic song because the teachers would stare into our souls while making us sing it 😔

  • @ClownHoundII
    @ClownHoundII Před 2 měsíci +108

    I love the fact Kwite calls a fictional crashing more violent than actual crashes recreated in a game.

  • @Flak262
    @Flak262 Před 2 měsíci +250

    Love it when Kwite posts just in time for me to clock into work and spend the first 45 minutes in the bathroom

    • @p-__
      @p-__ Před 2 měsíci +1

      My farts are better than Kwite's farts.

  • @Foodez3
    @Foodez3 Před 2 měsíci +122

    "what are these british gangster's listening to"
    💀💀💀

    • @DEATHWEB_XD
      @DEATHWEB_XD Před 2 měsíci +1

      When I read this that part turned on😭💀

    • @Foodez3
      @Foodez3 Před 2 měsíci

      LOL@@DEATHWEB_XD

  • @user-rk3gc6tc4u
    @user-rk3gc6tc4u Před 2 měsíci +29

    My cat went missing for 2 weeks and then my aunt saw a person on Facebook post a picture of her and say “pregnant cat has been wondering around for 2 weeks. Anyone missing a Cat?” And my aunt had to literally say on comments “that’s my sisters cat and no she’s not pregnant, she’s just fat.” 😭

  • @maiyusakiryu7498
    @maiyusakiryu7498 Před 2 měsíci +32

    3:42 I heard a similar joke to this once
    * Batman returns to the batcave *
    "*Sigh* Alfred, it's been a long night, start up the bathtub"
    Alfred replies: "pardon me Master Bruce, but what is a 'htub' "
    Absolutely killed me

  • @Jay_A_Comenter
    @Jay_A_Comenter Před 2 měsíci +24

    1:42 this ASMR is so calming 😊😊😊😊😊
    20/10 definitely recommend

  • @waffie6785
    @waffie6785 Před 2 měsíci +74

    I have an overwhelming urge to lift kwite up knowing he's slightly shorter then me

    • @taz37
      @taz37 Před měsícem

      wait what’s his height

    • @Idwren_404
      @Idwren_404 Před měsícem

      @@taz37 short

    • @kat-fs9lu
      @kat-fs9lu Před 8 dny

      I'm 1 month late but 5'5 or smth​@@taz37

  • @ThatEnbyAkutagawaKinnie
    @ThatEnbyAkutagawaKinnie Před 2 měsíci +45

    The way the bf asmr made me laugh so hard that my family got concerned

  • @kingboo_2237
    @kingboo_2237 Před 2 měsíci +82

    8:36 don't Worry.. be Happy

    • @dr.ham101
      @dr.ham101 Před 2 měsíci

      Or if you're more of a cave dweller the song by the name of "Oreo"

  • @erwinkrauss7577
    @erwinkrauss7577 Před 2 měsíci +53

    5:00 Best part of the video, ngl

  • @darryllmaybe3881
    @darryllmaybe3881 Před 2 měsíci +28

    8:31
    It's the melody of "Don't worry be happy" by Bobby McFerrin.

  • @Coquain
    @Coquain Před 2 měsíci +23

    The best part of the mitski cat video is part two when the cat gets sad when the song changes

  • @total_eclipsegacha
    @total_eclipsegacha Před 2 měsíci +22

    Boyfriend Crashes Car And F$@#ing DIES ASMR is my favorite video

  • @M4lfucnt10ned
    @M4lfucnt10ned Před 2 měsíci +47

    3:16 most normal kwite quote
    she is the most pg vtuber out there fr

  • @AudhildDaArtists
    @AudhildDaArtists Před 2 měsíci +30

    Kwite, I've been feeling on the edge of healthy and sick. Some days I feel as damn healthy as a horse, but then I feel like I'm fucking dying. Sometimes, I'm in-between. Today's an in-between day. Under the blanket, I feel like I'm being cooked alive. Kick the covers off, and I feel like someone stuck me in the deep-freeze. I have this headache that doesn't hurt, it's just THERE. And im not sure whether or not I'm going to puke. Your videos made me feel a whole lot better. Thank you.

  • @captainfantastic6840
    @captainfantastic6840 Před 2 měsíci +19

    Not only is it speed on landings with aircraft carriers, they also punch it with the throttle to accelerate to maintain lift if they have to go around.

  • @Jimyrt.
    @Jimyrt. Před 2 měsíci +36

    4:04 Keith has instigated a gang war between the Birmingham shankers and the Manchester srubbletops by playing this

  • @sadie1606
    @sadie1606 Před 2 měsíci +30

    I love when a new Kwite video drops during my lunch break. What a great break from corporate America.

  • @s0livagant_
    @s0livagant_ Před 2 měsíci +8

    2:22 only kwite can say something like this and it being glossed over, only kwite

  • @skillerthebean2000
    @skillerthebean2000 Před 2 měsíci +10

    7:20 legit so painful to get spiked in the face but lmfao

  • @AveragealienWhocosplays-gj2tg
    @AveragealienWhocosplays-gj2tg Před 2 měsíci +21

    1:17 how much you want to bet those two are siblings

  • @Yosleco
    @Yosleco Před měsícem +3

    2:00 was so relaxing😊😊😊😊😊

  • @yaboiEchogaming
    @yaboiEchogaming Před 2 měsíci +5

    1:17 I looked off my screen for a second, heard the song, and instantly got flashbanged with memories of the twilight x Mordicai.

  • @nahidkamal3218
    @nahidkamal3218 Před 2 měsíci +9

    1:51 IS THAT RICKLE?!?!

  • @crystelthewolf
    @crystelthewolf Před 2 měsíci +4

    8:37 i love the random shadow the hedgehog infiltrating the fnaf parade

  • @rosedevq
    @rosedevq Před 2 měsíci +7

    2:30 STOPPP

  • @slightlymorepotatoes6551
    @slightlymorepotatoes6551 Před 2 měsíci +7

    5:57 Oh my god. That’s the song i always listened to with my dog. I had to put him down last week. 😢

  • @Karma_Void
    @Karma_Void Před 2 měsíci +28

    These TikTok’s aren’t as vile as mine.

  • @YetiBaby
    @YetiBaby Před 2 měsíci +11

    If you need money, I would pay 3 figures to get the Kwite plushie.

  • @charlesmurphy5644
    @charlesmurphy5644 Před 2 měsíci +2

    1:08 It’s called a tail hook and when it misses all four arrester wires it’s called a bolter.

  • @K.Dre_is_Undead
    @K.Dre_is_Undead Před 2 měsíci +4

    Brother called bob Marley a insurance comercial

  • @Raccnnibal
    @Raccnnibal Před 2 měsíci +3

    Boyfriend helps you fall back sleep with a baseball bat ASMR is my fav ASMR video ever.

  • @majou...
    @majou... Před 2 měsíci +2

    4:08 this song is stuvk in my head regularly and its such a banger from my childhood i swear. I be hearing harvest samba and i go crazy.

    • @Star_tears
      @Star_tears Před měsícem

      Ikr me and my friends collectively walk around and sing this as loud as possible

  • @AddiNoir
    @AddiNoir Před 2 měsíci +5

    kwite discovered boyfriend asmr?! everyone hide or else we’re cooked!!!

  • @KingFroy
    @KingFroy Před měsícem +1

    The boyfriend crashing car shit had me dead😭😭😭😭😭😭

  • @DEATHWEB_XD
    @DEATHWEB_XD Před 2 měsíci +2

    4:53 same, I hate seeing one of us as well

  • @Elite_Defender
    @Elite_Defender Před 2 měsíci +3114

    no views in 12 seconds fell off

  • @lolmanenbatman6471
    @lolmanenbatman6471 Před měsícem +1

    09:09 ”there is nothing you can do about it” My AR15 begs to differ

    • @itsgonnabeanaurfromme
      @itsgonnabeanaurfromme Před měsícem

      Suuuure.
      Me, I got a pillowcase, some rocks, and my neighbor has a pool.

  • @poppyfjrowan
    @poppyfjrowan Před 2 měsíci +3

    4:19 we are all taught that song to develop into gangster ages early.
    It is an education requirement.
    (clarification)

  • @rEd_PuNk
    @rEd_PuNk Před 2 měsíci +3

    Imagine if Kwite was a circus

  • @Mr.DCLXVI666
    @Mr.DCLXVI666 Před 2 měsíci +1

    As someone who literally just got hit by a dump truck on the way to my girlfriends house this morning; that boyfriend car crash ASMR really be hitting close to home lmao

  • @ilivory974
    @ilivory974 Před 2 měsíci +3

    Literally pissed myself reading that thumbnail

  • @chloioutley
    @chloioutley Před 2 měsíci +2

    3:31 alright, I enjoyed that laugh

  • @God_of_cheese699
    @God_of_cheese699 Před 2 měsíci +8

    The PRIDE your asking to get cancelled

  • @djdiarrhea1173
    @djdiarrhea1173 Před 2 měsíci +1

    nooo dude that asmr crash is paul walkers death dog like why is it so brutal 😭😭

  • @seablueheart-gamingandart2400
    @seablueheart-gamingandart2400 Před 2 měsíci +6

    Proud to have Kwite suffer with the Twilight x mordecai Airplanes cosplay video 💪 /hj

  • @tamimogaji4501
    @tamimogaji4501 Před 2 měsíci +2

    The thing is we actually listen to this song in British schools-

  • @4tr0citie5rblx4
    @4tr0citie5rblx4 Před 2 měsíci +1

    I LOVE ASMR, especially "Ghost falls down the stairs ASMR"

  • @NoriTheSeawed
    @NoriTheSeawed Před 2 měsíci +36

    The boyfriend dying asmr is like a whole genre of video and it’s everywhere and I hate it it’s all over my fyp I’ve seen boyfriend gets hit by a tsunami asmr and boyfriend gets attacked by 5 feral cats asmr I’ve lost faith in humanity

  • @AtomicDingoXR
    @AtomicDingoXR Před 2 měsíci +1

    8:40 not a commercial song, that's an instrumental flute version of don't worry be happy

  • @atsushisbf_e
    @atsushisbf_e Před 2 měsíci +7

    BABE WAKE UP KWITE POSTED 😍😍😍

  • @fuiruy
    @fuiruy Před 52 minutami

    Actually, the jet goes full throttle when landing so like you said, if it misses the hook it can fly away and attempt to re-land

  • @x.K4LL3N.x
    @x.K4LL3N.x Před 2 měsíci

    NO PLEASE THE BF ASMR SATIRE IS SO FUNNY I JUST WATCHED THE “boyfriend takes you out for dinner but the opps slide in on him”

  • @AUDACITY245
    @AUDACITY245 Před 2 měsíci +2

    Got my brother hooked on satire asmrs. This video peaked my interest just looking at the title to see how quite reacts to it lmao.

  • @MythicArt60
    @MythicArt60 Před 2 měsíci +2

    I got a domino’s ad before he crashed the car 💀

    • @talfi
      @talfi Před 2 měsíci +1

      ah so you see, he got distracted by the ad which caused him to crash his car, which means he (or whoever is alive from his family) should sue dominos

  • @Pink_Tsun
    @Pink_Tsun Před 2 měsíci +1

    ok so
    i feel like he always says "and you can always unsubscribe, if you decide you hate me."
    but he doesnt anymore
    and i cant find a video where he has
    help

  • @Mediocrecoder2
    @Mediocrecoder2 Před 2 měsíci +12

    Kwite never fails to ruin my day

  • @misledsine8242
    @misledsine8242 Před 2 měsíci +1

    I’ve had 2 of those “boyfriend dies in card crash asmr ” videos show up on my recommended

  • @EagleTarget-gt4fm
    @EagleTarget-gt4fm Před 2 měsíci

    "If there was just one more car I would have died" * tires screeching*"OH SHI-"

  • @someguywithawooperpfp3163
    @someguywithawooperpfp3163 Před 2 měsíci +1

    1:49 LETS GOOO, free Kwite whimper audios in this economy 😌

  • @TRIANGLE_CUT1E
    @TRIANGLE_CUT1E Před měsícem

    8:21 BONNIE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!?
    9:48 h-hell naw”

  • @Rotting_Nebulae
    @Rotting_Nebulae Před 2 měsíci +2

    In my humble opinion, we, the viewers, have quite refined tastes in tik toks

  • @ManChild42
    @ManChild42 Před měsícem

    1:54 i got a notif at the time he finished sayin "youre the only one for me" and yes it its a huh sound

  • @craftomonapprovesdismessage
    @craftomonapprovesdismessage Před 2 měsíci +1

    I always love how Kwite uses the best Mario Wii songs as background music 🎶

  • @DemonicCheezit
    @DemonicCheezit Před 2 měsíci +1

    Seeing Andrew in the thumbnail of a Kwite video was not on my bucket list

  • @Mossymoss69
    @Mossymoss69 Před 2 měsíci

    I keep getting the boyfriend ASMRs 💀 the last one I got was “boyfriend fat shames you then gets hit by a bus”

  • @adeinld8548
    @adeinld8548 Před 2 měsíci +11

    Bruh only has 1 view, he fell off

  • @__m1xa.___
    @__m1xa.___ Před 2 měsíci +1

    2:42 really man??? right in front of my salad???

  • @gbilIz
    @gbilIz Před 2 měsíci +2

    That first one could be more true.
    I got £30 STRAIGH AFTER a 70cm tall beer holder.
    I DONT EVEN DRINK BEER

  • @Black_Rose-Rei
    @Black_Rose-Rei Před měsícem +1

    My friend and I listened to the Boyfriend gets into a Car Crash and Fucking Dies at lunch and everyone at our table just looked at us as we laughed our asses off

  • @angelicart.6
    @angelicart.6 Před 2 měsíci

    4:15 damn boy dem bars hittin different

  • @jasperburchard9344
    @jasperburchard9344 Před 2 měsíci

    Love ur videos man

  • @davisthedaviskids2574
    @davisthedaviskids2574 Před měsícem

    I once got the video on the thumbnail and I found it hilarious

  • @MollyDollyy774
    @MollyDollyy774 Před 2 měsíci

    2:32
    Thank god it's over, If there was just one more Car... I would have died... *_OH GOD !!_*

  • @dianaarriaga4054
    @dianaarriaga4054 Před 2 měsíci

    I almost crashed my car squealing hearing Kwite singing the twilight and Mordecai while I was driving

  • @khzknyn
    @khzknyn Před 2 měsíci

    I saw the thumbnail and i know exactly which asmr that is and from who HAHAHA, i love satire asmrs u get to laugh and listen to a calming voice at the same time :3

  • @JoeTheOriginalOne
    @JoeTheOriginalOne Před 2 měsíci

    8:45 That’s Bobby McFerrin, you silly sweatshirt.
    Seriously, though, Bobby McFerrin was my childhood. My Big Mouth Billy Bass sang the song, which is “Don’t Worry (Be Happy)”; hell, even Robin Williams and Mr Noodle were in the music video.

  • @tRiPiNsHrOoMz
    @tRiPiNsHrOoMz Před 2 měsíci

    4:56 ouch that was a call-out

  • @sr.lontra
    @sr.lontra Před 2 měsíci

    This should be a monthly occurence

  • @MossIsMossy
    @MossIsMossy Před 2 měsíci +3

    When's the kwite drunk driving asmr dropping?

  • @Clay-qq5vb
    @Clay-qq5vb Před 2 měsíci +1

    absolutely wild seeing my chats after i watched the stream

  • @chaoticcow4357
    @chaoticcow4357 Před 2 měsíci

    coughs and dies after the radiation from kwite's video reaches me

  • @Your_moma13
    @Your_moma13 Před 2 měsíci +1

    Bruh I was taken a shit at 10:52 I don’t NEEDA shit my pants anymore 😭

  • @tatystextingstory1269
    @tatystextingstory1269 Před 2 měsíci +1

    Yooooo currently playing sonic frontiers and then this drops nice

  • @WhatIsHappeningx2
    @WhatIsHappeningx2 Před 2 měsíci +1

    I love the sad cat he's so real for being sad to mitski

  • @Drag0nmaster
    @Drag0nmaster Před 2 měsíci +1

    1:18 I have already lost my will to live

  • @EmberExists
    @EmberExists Před 2 měsíci

    I have been collecting those asmr videos like Pokémon😭

  • @Ventiwings
    @Ventiwings Před měsícem

    Didn't think i'd see a rickle asmr video on here LMAO

  • @Mrfedy_faber87
    @Mrfedy_faber87 Před 2 měsíci

    4:10 in primary school, we had to sing this at most assemblies. im not kidding

  • @ImitationAfton
    @ImitationAfton Před 2 měsíci

    "If there was just one more car, i would have died!"

  • @unironicalcreature
    @unironicalcreature Před 2 měsíci +1

    its 2 am but kwite posted

  • @connordekraven9025
    @connordekraven9025 Před 2 měsíci

    10 minute old kwite post, feelin good