What its like being friends with a narcissist
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- čas přidán 8. 09. 2024
- what its like being friends with a narcissist
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
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Thank you so much
You can't possibly be friends with someone who never sees you as an equal and is constantly competing against you, for no reason.
In my experience, they want to know everything about you. Posing as a friend and luring you in- they are super nice, super friendly, until you put in a boundary. Then, the mask slips.
The gossip starts, as does the backstabbing.
Dark empathy is all they seem to know.
Thank you, good point. My toxic friend is convinced he’s empathetic to a fault. This has not been my experience, nor has it been how I see him treat other people he claims to care about. He’s manipulative, angry, and domineering, and gets annoyed when I suggest healthy relationships aren’t about winning and losing.
Needless to say, that ain’t empathy.
There are no such thing as frenemies. They are enemies pretending to be your friend
that's exactly the meaning of the word frenemies, enemies being the key/majority of it
exactly
Well said. I’ve never understood that word and I never will. If you’re my enemy, you’re not my friend. There’s no crossover.
Never ever invite them to your house, especially if that "friend" thinks your place is nicer than theirs. I cannot stress this enough! Read their energy and move accordingly.
I have a chronic illness and my ex toxic friend would organise get togethers with other friends that she knew i couldn't attend.She would also say she was coming to see me and then not turn up. It was like a long game of chess and made me feel like crap.I finally ended the friendship a while back. I still feel upset by the games she played as we had been friends for 30 years since school.
It's envy... It's always envy. It makes a lot of sense to me now. Narcissists assume everyone is envious of them because they themselves are envious and perceive this extremely envious attitude as normal and therefore project such envy onto everyone else and it becomes a cycle of being envious and projecting envy and stuff.
Discard this type of friend. It is absolute misery to have a close friendship w/this type of person. Their need to control & lack of control in themselves is a double edged sword. Look out. Life is too short to tolerate their treatment of you as well as their behavior towards others.
Narcissistic friend slept with my narcissistic man in my house. They've both been discarded
Oh wow
Yup. Had a broken leg. She was a nurse and taking care of me. She was in a bad place man wise. It was his first visit to my house. The rest is history
😢
God I hope so!
That's what I saw..he had a "friend" and that friend started making more money, bought a bunch of expensive items like a new truck, house, etc and he then hated him, was jealous and talked crap behind his back but still hung out with him pretending to be best buddies.
Oh wow
I once had a toxic friend who loved to pit her friends against each other. She saw everyone in some form of hierarchy and it was all about what you could give her. Everyone ended up vying for top spot and basking in her greatness. If you didn't, you were smeared as being jealous of her. When you fought back to clear your name, you were victimising her and everyone rallied around her.
She was hard work 😂
That friend bombing is real..... They discarded me after almost 20 years of friendship it hurts so much.... and not respecting my boundaries and have a fit when I wouldn't do something THEIR way..... I don't think they could cut me and their our friend off at the same time
Same thing happened to me. We grew up together, I thought of her as a sister
Recently a the beginning of the year I made a friend. She began calling me bestie right away (red flag) then she thought I was great, was soo funny.. took me everywhere with her. Told everyone I was her best..we spent hours on the phone daily. At some point I could no longer stay on the phone 6 hours a day. I have a husband a house and fur babies to care for. I think that was it for her. She started not being as nice, she started telling me other people were controlling me, etc. Then she told me she didn't trust me when I had done nothing against her.
So, I discarded her because I knew what was coming. I have been through this many times. Then of course she got others to feel bad for her for what I had done. I had to sit back and laugh.
My heart goes out to you being an empath makes it hurt more - your story sounds like mine
I had a narcissistic friend. She did all of these things to me. Including copping everything I did, wore. So sad. Yes you’re right
Nothing worse than fake ,I’d rather someone be honest even if it hurts.
Validation AF! 🙌 Thank you. Recently just “broke up” with one of my BFFs of 8 years who, as it turns out, was a narcissist.
What freaks me out is that we were friends for 8 YEARS & I was totally blind to her manipulations till about 6 months prior to our “break up.” (Disturbing, as I’m used to narcissists & can usually see the red flags even as I consciously choose to ignore them)
Actually it was the devaluation phase that started to tip me off. We went from hanging out weekly to her avoiding me for no apparent reason. When I asked her about it she got vicious & gaslit the shit out of me, which I found disturbing. Within 6 months the discard happened and honestly, I feel like she did me a favor! 😂 I knew right away she was a narc when I had this massive feeling of RELIEF when she blocked me, instead of sadness or anger.
Part of me still tries to gaslight myself about the situation but this vid has definitely given me the validation needed to recognize the at relationship for what it was. Thanks again and much love. 💚
My mother is a narcissist (it's really obvious, especially given her role in my life). I have unknowingly attracted SO MANY narcissists through the years. Starting even from teen years.
Yeeeessss!!!
Someone pretended to be like a sister, made plans with me, then when I was ready packed up lunch and everything ready to go to the beach, called her to let her know I'm on the way.
She THEN told me AS I WAS HEADING TO HER HOUSE, that she had to work, and boss changed her schedule at the last minute.
They can't legally unless you allow it, but she screwed up and posted on her account pics of her and a her "bestie" going somewhere on the day she claimed her boss changed her schedule so we couldn't go to the beach.
When their new friends ditch them, don't dare sympathize, they ditched you first without a thought!
Karma always comes back on them, but they'll never understand why.
I mean, not trying to defend her but maybe she said "yes" to her boss because she needed the money (extra shift) and couldn't tell you?
Like, I know it was bad to leave you hanging but maybe she had a reason...
Of course if this did keep happening again and again and again then I could see her being a narc.
Oh my goodness
I made plans to go out of town with a narc "friend'.
I called the day of to tell her I was on the way. She said she changed her mind and that I should just go by myself. It was a 6 hr trip to another state.
Omg my “sister” did something like this too. I was heading to her house and she tells me she and her boyfriend suddenly have eye doctor appointments. Instead of apologizing for not telling me, she gets accusatory and says I should have come over earlier and she shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for taking care of her health
Facts! This topic is often overlooked & the hurt from it is underated. Narcissistic friends can wreak havoc on all levels!
You are a lifesaver. Thank you Lee for helping me not to feel like I’m going crazy. I’m 63 & 90% of my friends are narcs, mostly coverts(who are the worst bc they’re so hidden). But you can always tell a narcissistic friend because you come away from having been with them feeling drained. Thank you again for helping us recognize the toxic signs in those around us, like a person warning someone they’re going to crash into a train or fall off a cliff. You are right. It is very hard to cut off a narcissistic friendship. Some of them are like leeches. If we cut them all off, then we may not have any friends at all,(if you’re like some of us who seem to be a magnet for Narcissists). Ross Rosenberg says that we choose narcissists because of pathological loneliness, that is, those of us who are codependent or self-love deficit.
All my narcissistic friends started out with the friendship love bombing that you described Lee, and making me feel like I was the best thing since the invention of sliced bread. And then eventually, they begin to devalue, just like you said. I always wondered why this phenomena happened and now I’ve learned, it’s because I chose narcissistic friends, or maybe they chose me. We can’t choose our family, as the saying goes, but we can choose our friends. Thank you for helping us to learn how to choose more healthy. Some of us have taken a lifetime to figure this out the hard way.
My toxic-ass friend found me when I was still trapped living with my abusive ex. He quite literally told me I could move into his place if I needed to.
Now he’s devaluing and discarding me for reminding him of his own ethics as he told them to me and declining to sleep over at his place while he’s dating someone who’s jealous of his being close to me, to the point she once broke up with him for drawing a picture of me.
I’m thinking I won’t even need to cut him off; he’s just going there first. Saves me the empathetic waffling, I while it does hurt, I can’t really complain.
Wow, this hits home for sure. Just recently admitted to myself that my "best friend" of 35 years is this person. It hurts but truth is always better than bs
They get along well with friends who're almost like them but with quiet introverted people they begin to treat them like door mats
Yes please do more videos on narcissistic/toxic friends
Thank you for this video. I tried to get everyone around me to understand the situation with my best friend that i recently cut off. All of the points in this video, were right on. Deep down i knew she was a narcissist who only hung around cause i was that positive person in her life that she knew was on the way to success. She began inserting herself in big events & areas of my life but i started noticing a cycle of hers coming in and out if my life. Blocking me then unblocking me for no entire reason when we were good. Thanks for the confirmation. Not everyone is meant to be on this journey with me. All Glory to God❤️
My husband's "bestfriend" is just as narcissistic as he is, hence they got along for many years. However, once we had 2 kids, the friend and his family of 1 kid stopped inviting us out. When I left my husband--to show him that his behavior needs to change or I'm permanently out of his life--the bestfriend tried to convince my husband to get a divorce so things could go back to the way they were. The reality that his own buddy is jealous of his successes stung my husband really hard, but he's still hopeful that their friendship is still intact.
I just narrowly escaped a gaslighter. He wasn't online, he was my next door neighbor....I'm now dealing with his hatred towards me, because he didn't get his way with me...He's insidious.
Holy shit. I just realized, I picked up narcissistic traits from my parents. In the past. I still work on the way I treat people, hopefully I can unlearn it all the way.
Oof. This one hits home. I’ve experienced it more than once. I take responsibility too for attracting this. I try to have better boundaries.
She was always asking why, like why didn’t she have what I got
@A Vibe Called Yes™ good for you. Women can be extremely unbalanced more often than not at times.
I can hear the hurt and betrayal in your voice. Thank you for posting and keep on with your self healing journey. You deserve kind and healthy friends.
Yeip my friend she's jealous, lazy, always the victim, every one else's fault, silent treatment, gaslighter, Word Salad won't answer a Real question, passive aggressive and so much more it's exhausting & heartbreaking I've been trauma bonded a long time over 40 years finally have a name she's covert which to me is the evilest. I used to just think she was crazy what a fool soooo many years 💩
Relatable. The absolute worst!
I was trauma bonded to mine for 20 years. It feels good to let go!
It's brilliant for 28 years until they dump you, never explain why & then you realise they've lied to you for 28 years. This happened to me in early 2019. She was also holding me back. I was 12 when we met. I knew her before she became ☣️, I remember when she used to be a really nice, caring person it was really sad tbh. She's made herself very lonely. I am not over it, it was v traumatic but slowly & surely I am doing all the things she tried to stop me from doing. Why do you make narc friends, knowing the problems they cause?
I'm so glad you discussed this topic. It is not much discussed.
You are absolutely right.
I try
@@MentalHealness 😂
@@MentalHealnessdam lee I bet they jealous
There goes those🦀crabs in a barrel yikes!!
Thank you so much for your videos. You are helping me wade through this nasty narc sludge river.
Currently trying to distance myself from a "friend" who I strongly suspect is narcissistic. I know its not good to diagnose people, but I've got good reason to believe she has NPD. I tried to stick around as long as I could, as she was one one of my best friends and I cared a lot, but I'm tired of being her emotional punching bag and trying to communicate my feelings to her, only to have her turn it around and call me unfair and inconsiderate. Its affected my mental health and I need to put myself first!
SOOO TRUE! I have personally experienced this!
I would love to meet you and your family someday. I am 58 years old and have a daughter AShlene. She turns twenty on the thirtieth. We live in Florida. Someday I would like to take a trip to North Carolina. I watch your videos so much that now when I talk to anyone I say “you know what I mean”. 😂😅🤣. Thank you for all you do. I am starting to journal in the self love book you published. Almost 2 years no contact!! Thanks to you and a few other coaches I listen to. May God continue to Bless you and your family. Much agape Love sent your way. 🙏😇
Thank you. Stay strong 💪
My narcissistic ex friend told our boss I beat her up on my bday vacation with her so I would be fired. Thankfully my boss was already on to her but whew! It was close.
Devil won't come in his true form
Solid fact.
Hey Lee are you always on alert to the narcs around you or do you occasionally let your guard down and miss the signs or are you somehow drawn to other narcissists as friends? You're making this topic really interesting for me. I'm really starting to see the people around me differently because of these posts. - ty
Perhaps he didn’t have therapy back then and didn’t know about narcissists. Also Dr Ramani says even now she got deceived by narcissists too!
Thank you Lee for that video...
I had to leave a friend behind and stop association with her. I have not reached out to her in almost 4 years. She tried to contact me by calling my job leaving messages but I just ignor her because she is toxic. They wait awhile to see if you remember what they did to you and then test the waters to see if you want to be bothered with them. No thanks!
You are correct Lee
My ex narc online gaming friend. 10/2021- 6/2022. This video is spot on.
In the first 3 months, she texted me all day, we started an online club and game together 😂we were inseparable.
1. There were signs of possessiveness coz I was kinda a social butterfly. I dismissed it as cuteness, and girl was I wrong.
2. Signs of controlling, she doesn’t want me to befriend with people she dislike and badmouth them as being younger than us.
3. Triangulation signs, she sent tons of screenshots of her private chats with mutual and not mutual friends and gossip.
😂It is a huge red flag for me 🚩 I normally wont befriend with people who send screenshots, but I thought I can try coz it’s only an online friend. Wrong.
Devaluation. There were a lot of jealousy. Every-time something good to me happened, I was being put down. She also was very demanding. She required me to inform her first before making a call to our mutual online friend like who are you😂
She also talked about a mutual friend being useful I was like OMG 😱 but I didn’t verbalise it. There is a “hostel” in game and we “lived” together as roommates, there are rubbish and money on the floor randomly generated in game. She asked me to check if she was online first before taking any money off ground😂 ANDDD I did that. I was kinda stupid and a people pleaser who was desperate for friends. The most outrageous was she called me being a cleaner coz I only picked up rubbish but not money, and she laughed about it😢so petty and mean. That’s the time I started to think about separating. Remember the club we started? The club was going well, that’s holding me back from separating from her and I didn’t know what to do, I haven’t faced anything like that before, don’t usually end friendships.
Discard
I finally had enough about thinking myself as a cleaner every time I saw her game character in hostel. 😂 So I disagree with her repeatedly about hiring her friend to help with the club. Then she got angry and smeared me to all our mutual friends in club. She started a discord chat to backstab me, 😂and fault finding my work. Then a final showdown and make everyone in the club leave with her except one close friend of mine which she didn’t plan to spread toxicity to. The club was closed😢 So she definitely ruined me but hey I am freee
So true Lee
It blows. It sucks. It blows. Little bit of fun. Then it blows and blows and blows some more while being convinced you should be grateful for the breadcrumbs of pleasure of their f'd up acquaintance.
Would they steal your dream that they didn't have interest in and go do it before you could? We wanted to move to TN and start a homestead after my husbands military service. We talked to these friends (childhood friends) about it and they stole our dream. We followed a year later and now they compete with us on everything. They lie and tell people it was their dream all along.
True....I have experienced it.
l go to Church, my gaslighter said to me: 'you know, sometimes we follow the Shepard in the wrong direction', l didn't know who she was calling a Shepard? or if it was a criticism for me of not being smart enough to dicern between
right and wrong
spot on
Frenemies FR! Try having an older sister like this🥺🤦🏽♀️
So true
So its all the same!
‼️
Just got rid of my x friends
I hate this for me 😩
Dam people need to watch their shit!
🎯🎯
I had so many toxic bsfs omg was just so pressed by my existence it was so sad fr . Like why are y’all so jealous of everything ab me ?
Constant hustle. They stopped my universal credit. I've got no electric I'm sitting in the dark. I need 20 quid for petrol. I need a lift. My phone's broken. Just put money into my account...boring boring boring. Then smearing you. Everything worst trait you have all the ones that everyone knows but doesn't mention comes out Then there back making you dinner and stealing your medicine
Yass!
I learned there were only two tiers of friends for my narcissist father:
1) "they were good to me" (said after a death), and
2) "they can't do anything for me"
🖤
I'd suggest increasing your vocabulary. You sound like you have no idea what you're talking about