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Another big one I've found was when people who can't have children naturally, want to foster to fill that void. Fostering shouldn't be something you should do because you don't feel actualized, but something you want to do for others. Foster children aren't meant to fill the loss in your heart. They are to feel safe, have their needs met, and feel supported during this tumultuous time in their life.

Hi. I’ve been thinking about doing this and have been binge watching your videos. On the subject of adoption, I am curious what your thoughts are if you are thinking about doing this but don’t want to adopt? What happens if the kid can’t reunify but you don’t want to adopt?

Thank you for this video. I just feel like it gave me the permission I needed to pause on potentially fostering. I have such a heart for it and do what I can to support the local families in my area that foster or have adopted children… But I have 3 little ones with my oldest being profoundly disabled. He had a brain injury at birth and uses a wheelchair, a G tube, is completely non verbal… etc. Anyway, thank you for not shaming, and all while giving encouragement that this can still be a position another season of life

Do you have any advice for parents who want to adopt a waiting child from foster care with no prior experience fostering or with their own children? My husband and I would like to adopt a waiting child, he’s a boy, age 12 and has been in foster care for over five years. We have started the classes but each person we talk to has told us our chances of adopting are slim to none because we haven’t previously had our own children or fostered previously. We’ve been told our best bet would be to foster and if the child’s parents rights are terminated to adopted but that isn’t exactly how we want to go about it.

I'm not married, no kids snd 49 but My boyfriend and I have been living together for 8 years. I understand we would both have to take classes and have a background check with is totally fine, we are two hard working adults etc. Is the fact that we are not legally married an issue?

As a single foster parent in Finland it is very interesting to listen to how things are elsewhere. Our schools are free and mandatory for every citizen. The school system and social services co-operate very well. If a child is not enrolled and attending school, that is a case for cps. If a child is suddenly marked homeless, that is a case for cps and they will get housing straight away for the family. And the cps pays for the taxi to school if needed in care, if I take them I get reimbursed well. Everything works through our social security numbers so we are numbers in a computer only in a way if you think about it. School, cps, hospitals, police... they all can access your main data through that number so if you are taken into care, it goes on the childs number, not the parents so it would not be missed if there had been anything before. Of course sometimes young kids are wondering the streets and taken into emergency care so that they can only say their first name or sthing but that is rare. In a way it makes things smoother to manage and harder to hide problems in families even if they were to move to the other side of the country 1400km away or sthing. The adoption is rare here also. I do long term care so it is until the child is an adult and moves out if they want to move out. Cps would get them a home if they want to move so they won't go on the streets. They have a case worker until they are 23y old to help them in anything they need. If they want to stay, I get paid until they are 23y old. And quite well. If their parents get better, they have visitation or might get kids back after years of showing a good record, working, no drugs etc whatever the solution is for them. We need to keep that option of returning home open so there is no adopting from foster care if the parents are alive. But even as I make a good living doing this, I take the kids in like they are my own. I raise them the same as my biological kids and they are free to stay in my home until I am no more. Many times I seem to help the families in many other ways as well, they all learn new skills. But I think I am the winner here as I love what I do and I learn more about me and the world daily. This gives more than it takes.

I dont have any children I am financially stable about to turn 50 I wonder if im to old to foster to adop. Im not married but we have been living together for 8 years I would consider getting married if not being married is an issue.I know im a very loving and mature person so any child would be loved and financially cared for

A foster parent brain washes children. Fact. They throw 12yr olds out to get sex traffricked then blame it on the parent. When the child was taking at birth. So I believe foster parents should spend more time teaching the child than pretending to brain wash them instead. Zapping my kids is uncalled for. 8 kids 4 grand kids. That 6 foster homes. They are now criminals or gay. Or drug attacks. My kids were taking cuz my mom walked away & left me in a room alone. Why does my kids have to be taking for this? Right you all defend the abuser. You get paid by the government for your lies. And how many kids you get into care. After 5 kids. Your a supervisor. Judges cops etc work with them. Leaving the parent no change of explaining. You just loose them. I hate toronto canada

HEY all FOSTERKIDS: Are you in fostercare or have you been in fostercare? Have your fosterfamilily or the childprotection workers told you that your mom or dad or other kindship relatives are NARCISISTS (or bother kind of bad people for you to relate to?) Do you really believe this? Do not believe them. Find out yourselves. CPS and fosterparents most often tell you this bad stuff about your kindship relatives, to make you stay away from your own family, to get controle of you. Your mom, dad or other relatives are probably like most other people, "good and bad in everyone," but love their children very much and not at all dangerous for you to keep up an relationship with.. So if you sometimes think about your mom, dad other relatives you have not been in contact with for a long time and miss them, dont be afraid to call or send them a letter- probably they have missed you a lot and will respond in a positive manner-and then you have the possibility to find out if your mom,dad or other relatives are those terrible narcisistic persons the cps and your fosterparents might have pretended they are- or good people you might enjoy to reestablish a relationship with, Find out yourself - not just believe what your fosterparents or cps workers have told you!

Super helpful- thank you so much ❤

I recognise this from my childhood, actually in the context of a loving, safe home. I was a very bright, well travelled, sociable and chatty only child. However, exactly those factors meant I never quite fitted in at school. I experienced a lot of bullying and found it hard to make friends my own age. I was always very well behaved at school and generally outside the home. At home, I sometimes behaved pretty badly - my parents used to say that almost every adult I spent time with said I was wonderful, then I came home and was a little monster. I think restraint collapse accounted for a lot of that, especially when the bullying was at its worst in my early teens.

BLESS you & your Work !

I’ve been a foster parent for about 5 years now. We never would have done it if we ALL weren’t fully into the process. My bio girls were 11ish and 9ish. Certainly there have been times when things have been challenging and there was some resistance due to behaviors that popped up, but those were pretty short-lived and we always made sure to support all the kids and gave extra attention when necessary. I have a background and special education and we got licensed for more challenging children and I would definitely say don’t sign up for challenging cases unless you really have the depth of knowledge and tools to handle major behaviors and dysregulation. It was something that I always wanted to do from the time that I was a child and had friends whose families fostered. A lot of consideration is necessary and we waited until we owned our own home for stability. I wouldn’t say I did it out of guilt but wanting to give what I never got, and helping a kid live a better life.

I am pondering how this fits in with having biological children, who don’t want more siblings, or the children already born have special or intense needs. Does that mean the parents should not have more children even if they feel called to? We will not have more due to one child’s special needs, but I wonder if the kids just “don’t want more siblings” that’s not up to them. I understand it’s different between bio and foster kids! Just “thinking out loud”. :)❤

Fantastic video thank you. So wise and I’m grateful for the honesty and sincerity.

Excellent advice! And I'd add one more: be open to a flexible definition of "family". The child's history is not the same as yours. Honor their history and their connections as appropriate to the situation and safety. Don't dismiss their pain or try to sugarcoat it. Some kids have gaps in their understanding of how/why they ended up in FC. Be honest and affirming; help them make sense of their own life story. They will take cues from adults' version/interpretation of events.

Thank you!

Thank you for this video!

Is the punishment for not cleaning taking away their stuff really a good idea? I am just questioning this becouse yeah consequences are great but if those are foster kids then it measn they don't really have a lot do they? Hell often they don't even have one home, so taking away things from kids who have had so much taken awy from them sounds questionable.

Fantastic information, clear communication. Thank you.

Good advice I'm fostering my grandchildrens dog.they live a good distance from my home but when they visit it's special and they get to enjoy there dog.but the dog has issues and I'm also attached.so I appreciate your advice and agree children do need to face this and not try to shelter them.thanks again.

"I know people who have gotten divorced so they could be a foster parent. I don't think that's a good idea." Actually spit my diet sprite all over my desk. LOL

Thank you for making this video! I have a dream of fostering teenagers!

Your exposition is praiseworthy; akin to a book that excelled in its subject matter. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

Would love to foster and love healthy cooking

I am a parent, educated, and certified, long long-term experience as a nanny, and daycare provider. I love children, I am creative, resourceful and compassionate. I also am knowledgeable in childhood trauma, mental health, disabilities, self-medicating behavior, and suicide awareness certified. Yet the one barrier is financial. I fully believe that it would be beneficial for the state to focus on child development, love, and healing from layered trauma and place with an aligned parent VS pass over because I don't have the money. They should fund someone with my background and passion to support children in either reunification or lifelong parents

Is respite care a good way to start if you want to be a foster parent?

Print a photo of their special person, I sublimate and iron it onto a pillow case. Then the child can hug the pillow. It offers them a connection to family and a sense of security

Rannck dressing and cottage cheese makes yummy dip

You should probably turn the phone off when filming, it’s distracting

I think I also reacted this way as a child and its maybe one of the reasons I got into fights with my brothers constantly

Thank you for this. My husband really wants to be a foster parent but I do not. I don't feel that I can handle it.

Hi there! I love your videos and they are super helpful. My family and I are taking on 4 kiddos who are very distant relatives. I was wondering how you go about labels in a family dynamic. They are technically my 4th cousins, 4x removed haha so very distant. But we are struggling to understand what that would make us to them in a home setting. We’ve kind of come to the conclusion that it’s up to them and we can have family labels like mom, dad, sibling, etc or do we just stay on a first name basis? Thank you so muxh

This was extremely helpful thank you!

I had a few very conservative, old-fashioned (ultra religious) foster parents who absolutely didn't want children to call adults first names and they also had younger biological and/or adopted kids who they didn't want hearing older kids call their parents by their first names. They were the only foster parents I had who were weird about the name thing. One of those foster parents I called the foster dad Mr Last Name because that really was how that relationship was. I called his wife her first name when she wasn't around or just avoided saying her name. I wasn't there long. The other placement I had that really didn't want kids to call adults their first name insisted that foster kids call them "Papa Nickname" and "Mamma Nickname". They were really obsessed with wanting to be parents and overzealous about it. The name thing is always rather awkward. It's the same when there's two kids in the home with the same name and you get either a nickname or some other name assigned to you.

Very informative information. Thank you for your videos

The funny thing is the agency doesn't even know what you are licensed for 😮 that says a lot about them

Caring for my younger brother. This dude is so disrespectful and unruly. He won’t listen. Nothing I do is helping. I may have to send him on to foster care

Love this. Thank you

Thank you. What do you do when you have blown it with your teen doing the opposite of what your wise counsel you have just given?

So so helpful. Thank you.

Don't be a foster parent if you are in need of money. If you think you will make money from fostering, you won't.

Great informative vedio

I'm a former foster youth who aged out of the system and. If I could, I would ban anyone who wanted to force prayers and church on their foster children. No religion in the home at all. The worst foster family I was placed with used the bible and religion to make me feel utterly worthless and like a terrible person. They would get subtle digs in on my biological family calling them sinners and implying that was the reason I was in foster care - there was something wrong with them because they had defied God. I went along with all of this because I didn't think I had a choice. I acted like I entirely believed them, went to church, prayed before meals, did Bible study and went to the church youth group.. The church youth group was the worse since there was a youth pastor who would use me and my mom as an example of how bad teen pregnancy was - that if someone had a child out of wedlock, they'd end up like me. I ended up asking to be removed and going to a group home because I simply couldn't take it anymore and I didn't want to have to pretend like I agree with them because saying I didn't would result in them subtly preaching and getting digs in while I was in earshot by telling their kids about how sad they were that I wouldn't accept Jesus' love and that I was proof that those who didn't live a life according to the Bible would suffer even before eternal damnation. They really believed the point of foster care was "saving" kids by converting them to their religion. It took me years to recover from the damage I suffered - it was far worse trauma than anything that happened with my mom.

Another reason, do not be a foster parent if you have your own kids. Do not be a foster parent if you are not mentally emotionally equipped to deal with behavior psychological, or emotionally issue if thats something thats going to be too much save the child adition trauma and dont do it. Dont become a foster parent if you need to only focus on your own family your own kids and your own life foster children need a lot of attention and do not need to be placed in an environment when they feep that they are resented, not welcome, and unwanted. Of you dont have time to extend yourself to a foster child dont do it. My comment is obviously a little biased because i was that foster child that no one cared about and was put 100000 percent last to everyone who was in my life because of my situation. My childhood got completely destroyed by my bio parents and foster parents.

Do the kids easily eat the darker bread? Do you have white bread as an option as well?

I wish it was this easy. I found out I was pregnant two weeks before we accepted children into our home. We had been waiting a year, so we didn’t want to say no. We already have two biological children as well. Our foster children came with trauma, behavioral issues, low academic status, and very young ages. This has been the hardest year of my life. All I want to do is give them back so I can focus on my own children and newborn. I never knew how emotionally and physically demanding raising someone else’s children would be. She says “be free” but I am trapped. I pray every day for this to get easier and for the guilt to subside, but it doesn’t. So everyday, I put a smile on my face, hugs and kisses for the children, and I am waiting for God to fill me His Spirit so that I can continue. I shouldn’t be watching videos like this, but maybe I’m here for another struggling foster parent who doesn’t want to admit how hard it is. I agree with this video, but I don’t believe in putting yourself first and being free of responsibility. If God called you to start this process, do it. He never said it would be easy. AND my husband and children are onboard; it is me that is struggling. So hopefully, I’ll look back and be so grateful that I didn’t give up.

Thank you for this. Spouse and I like kids and are well positioned to take some in. I wanted to give back. Guilt was my primary driving factor though and it just didn't seem like a good enough reason. I want to improve people's childhoods, but don't know how. This video is validating that fostering for these reasons isn't the right way for us.

Lovely! What great, thoughtful ideas. I’m considering being a foster parent and I’m single, this was such a boost!

I facilitate visits. Thank you kindly for your video; it helped me to understand a few things. I appreciate what you do 😊