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Is either abuse or Never Growing Up

I think you have a reasonable plan, and you should do it on THE DAY that you believe honors your dad. Forget about what the others think. You are NOT to be identified as that body part.

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cap

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A wannabe Mamabear, just like a keyboard warrior.....all tough & heroic as long as she doesn't have to deal with an actual possible danger to her baby, to her husband & especially herself above all. She willingly left their baby just so save her skin. If you mistake a bat hitting a car window as gunshots then you never went shooting nor did you live in a dangerous, violent neighbourhood.

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He needs therapy. He may be neurodivergent, and oblivious to him being an a*hole. This is not an excuse, merely a possible explanation. He's never been taught to care for those around him.

Thanks

Man-child who will never change. Get him to some therapy; he needs help.

Run.

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The rest of the story-It was too steep to get down, but I could hear a woman screaming over and over again, "my baby, my baby." The girls said their mom and sister were still in the car, and rescuers arrived unbelievably fast. We gave the girl spare towels to stay warm, and then just got out of the way. I read in the paper that the 9-year old sister had died. Now I always scan those woods when I drive by.

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She disrespected the person helping her the most, that is like insulting the person saving you from falling off a cliff. 🙄

Do not bite the hand that feeds, for it may stop giving the support you are very reliant on.

Op is a ungratefull brat and a bit** but for this reason no she isnt ta

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NTA what’s the matter with the parents that they have to keep “borrowing “ money? You did what you needed to do to keep yourself sane. If they need money they can get jobs or do something about their spending.

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She could comment that she has good genes is why she looks so young.

The rest of the story-I asked my wife if she could start mentioning her age when we introduce ourselves, but she said I'm being ridiculous and that it would be incredibly awkward for her to do so. I don't think it's ridiculous to want to avoid being labeled a creep. Would I be the asshole if I insist after she said no?

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Thats called being married to gambler, so you should just divorce him

Yes

Yes

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The rest of the story-I had no words. The "work wife" tried to make light of the situation by tapping my shoulder and joking, "Don't worry, he's in good hands!" And then she started telling my boyfriend that I was beautiful and he was lucky to have me. I didn't know what to say. I smiled politely and whispered to my boyfriend that I was leaving. He tried gripping my hip harder as an indirect way of saying no, but I pulled it off and called an Uber to go home because I was distraught. He never mentioned having a "work wife" to me and I don't like the thought of it at all. I guess people were asking where I went and my boyfriend felt awkward because he had to make up a lie for me leaving early when they could already tell the real reason why I left so abruptly. He wanted me to wait and talk it out later. I knew I was only going to get angrier if I did.

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Honestly, from my perspective it feels like the family just wants to favor their "biological" grandchild :(

Depends on your family but youre probably the asshole because what good parent doesn't deserve to know their grandchild

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I mean if they can't tell which is yours then there is an issue

That's literally the same thing like not saying who is a favorite child. It shouldn't matter, they are both here and both need parents

not everyone has a bleeding heart but its fair if she tells them who is who when she tells the daughter, BUT it is a huge dick move to demand an APOLOGY for wanting to know who is blood family

Full post: Aita for REFUSING to tell my family which of my baby girls I adopted? I, a single, twenty year old female gave birth to a baby girl about two months ago, and at the same time adopted a second baby girl who was born about three days before. The daughter that I had in my uterus, I will call Rose. The daughter that I didn't carry I will call lily. I got pregnant with rose about the same time that my best friend who I'll call Anna got pregnant with Lily. While I was ecstatic about being pregnant, anna was not. Anna felt that she wasn't in a good place emotionally, financially, or any other way to have a child. She told me she was considering getting an abortion, but that she wished her child could have a good life somewhere else, instead of "just being thrown away" but anytime she pictured putting her child up for adoption she remembers all of the story's of abusive adoptive parents. She said that she felt helpless because there didn't seem to be any good answers, that's when we came up with a hesitant plan. We decided that if after Lily's birth, anna still didn't feel like she could raise her i would adopt Lily and raise the girls as twins. Anna didn't want Lily to know she was adopted, but I hated the idea of lying to a daughter of mine. We decided that once lily was old enough to understand I would explain that she was adopted. if at that point anna felt ready we would tell Lily that Anna was her bio mom, and if not then we would say that her mother wasn't ready for her to know who she was. This way lily could live her life, Anna didn't need to be worried about Lily because she could check on her at any time, and Anna would be able to continue working on getting her life in order. I chose not to have any of my family in the room during the birth because I wasn't comfortable with them seeing me like that, and Anna was fighting with her family at the time. So anna and i were the only ones in the room for each other during the births. After lily was born Anna still wanted me to adopt Lily, and also said that she did want to be in her life more than she originally thought. we decided that she would be the god mother of both girls and I would be their mother. when it was time for us to go home, I organized a get together for my family to meet both of my daughters and we went forward with the adoption. As soon as my grandmother met my babies she asked me which one was my daughter, and I replied that they both were. She rolled her eyes and said that I knew what she meant, I told her that, no I dont because they are both my daughters. she got mad about that and asked me which one was "my real daughter" and my parents backed her up saying that I should tell them which daughter I had adopted. I got mad and asked them why it mattered, both babies are my children, I'm breast feeding both of them, I named both of them, and I was there through the entire pregnancy for both of them, even if I only carried one of them myself. This lead to a fight with my family insisting that I tell them which daughter is which, and me insisting that my grandmother apologized for implying that one of them wasn't my real daughter. My parents told me that I am being dramatic, pointlessly stubborn, ridiculous, and that they just wanted to know when dealing with the girls which one was their granddaughter. I kicked all of them out and said that unless they apologize and stop asking which daughter is adopted, they would not get to see either of them. After they left I sent out a text saying that I will tell them which one is adopted when I explain to her that she is adopted, but adopted or not they are both my children. I also reiterated that until I get an apology, and they agree to view my daughters equally they will not see the girls and I will not be talking to them. I received a massive amount of text ranging from them demanding that I let them see the kids and telling me how I was cruel and selfish to deprived my daughters of their love, to pleading with me to just tell them which girl is which and let them see my daughters. After a few weeks of this i said enough. The stress of trying to take care of two babies, adopt Lily, and deal with my family was to much. So I sent out another text telling them that I was serious when I said I won't tell them which daughter is adopted. I then told them that I cant take their constant text anymore, and anyone that text me something that doesn't start with an apology is getting blocked. Most of my family realized i wouldn't back down and stopped texting. I did have to block my brother, who sent me two paragraphs about why I should just give our parents and grandparents what they want, because it isn't worth the fight. I also had to block my mom, who texted my to tell me that no one was going to help me take care of the children until I told them them the truth about which is my real daughter. Anna agrees with me that they shouldn't care which one is adopt and says she wishes that my family didn't even know that one girl was adopted. Well yesterday both babies were crying, lily needed a diaper change and rose was hungry and I realized that my mom was right. I can't be in both places at once and I can't take care of them by myself. Luckily Anna was there and she was able to take care of them both and get them settled, because I broke down sobbing and was completely useless. Now I'm starting to wonder if I am a bad mother for not leting my daughters see their family, and if I have chosen the wrong hill to die on. P.s Anna was able to cheer me up, we cuddled together, and with the babies on the sofa, eating ice cream and chocolate most of the night. she is also the one who convinced me to write this post because she is obsessed with reddit. Update. Thank you all so much for the support! I was shocked when I saw how many people had commented because I honestly expected to find maybe three or four. I tried to read through the comments quickly and I want to answer a few things that I saw multiple people say. 1 everyone know that Anna was pregnant and that one of them is her bio kid. Anna and I do look pretty similar on a basic level. Both have similar colors of brown hair, dark brown eyes, and are both white. I am a little darker than anna, she is fair skinned and I always look like I have a tan. we also both got pregnant by a white guy. To me at least it isn't obvious which girl is who's bio kid. 2 Anna had been dating Lily bio dad for maybe half a year, but when he heard that Anna was pregnant he told her that he didn't want anything to do with a child. I got pregnant because I went to a party and was an idiot. I have contacted roses father, but he told me to give him time to think so I have been waiting for him to come around. 3 I have not legally adopted Lily yet. Anna and I have agreed that lily is my child and Lily is staying at my house, but Anna is still currently her legal guardian. Right know we are trying to figure out where Lily's father went. 4 I think I saw several people saying that I don't know how much work two babies will be. I definitely did not know what I was signing up for. Me and Anna thought we knew it would be hard but this is not what I was expecting. Anna has been an absolute angel! She is probably the only reason I am still sane right now. After we realized our false expectations Anna comes over almost daily (except for the two days before I had a mini break down) and has fallen asleep at my house a few times while caring for the kids. another friend of our who I'll call James has also been stoping by, he doesn't help with the girls because in his own words "I don't know what to do with a baby" but james makes food, and cleans up the house a bit. I am eternal grateful to both James and Anna because I would be lost without them 5 a lot of you have point out that telling Lily when she is old is a bad idea, and I agree with you. That was my idea I didn't really think about how that could affect her find out when she was older. I'm going to talk to Anna about this because I dont want to cause my daughter any issues down the line.

I would tell the family that i don't know because i was soo emotional after birth that i mess up which girl is which

First time ive heard abt the theory with steve Poor guy

I think it’s ok for a picture like that not one like a pic of you and your husband

Listen that’s a human emotion everyone has to cry even if people don’t show they’re crying on the outside doesn’t mean you’re not crying on the inside so your wife is in the wrong here

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Bey now jar jar was awesome in my book, people just couldnt get past him being comic relief long enough for it to be revealed he was the big bad behind Palpatine, and the actor came back for another role