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thank you! I try so hard. I get a lot of people telling me I can't sing which I know I am not the best but I do enjoy the process. Thanks for your kindness.

I just talked to someone on instagram telling me that her partner commited suicided and she's devastated. It isn't easy to hold a relationship when you have bipolar disorder but the next best thing is get yourself on a routine, see a psychiatrist, get a therapist or do whatever it takes to get your bearings together. You don't want to lose what you may be your rock. If it isn't toxic and if he or she is willing to put up with your take that as a blessing. If not apologize and tell her that you are sorry and the impact of your illness has caused a lot of issues and you are working on yourself to change that. But I do wish you to be there. I hope you find ways to cope in your life and that you and your partner works out.

Well its a nightmare at first. I hope you found the right one

:D

thanks!

appreciate the insight, faith can do wonders for people, I hope people find hope in general whether it is any religion or what not.

if at all else fails, I had to get off cymbalta in the end because it was no longer working after 8 years I've decided to get transcranial magnetic stimulation and I no longer need an antidepressant.

no. unfortunately I am not sure what it means. But I have experienced Tardive dyskinesia with latuda. I couldn't be on ingrezza very long, since it made me way to tired. Never felt it was worth waiting for and ever since I got off it and switched meds I no longer need it.

not sure why the reply hasn't send. I just want to say I appreciate your comment. I hope you have made peace with your own life and found faith and hope because if you have that it will only further your life into completeness. Don't give up and aspire to what you can be. You can say the opposite but that wouldn't be much of a good thing on my part so I do hope you live a good life.

@@BeyondBipolarBlog Thankyou Brother 💚

vistirl can be used to promote better sleep and curb anxiety, but in the end for me i avoid benzos and any antianxiety meds for benzos are addicting and reduce efficacy and vistiril makes me to tired.

agree. Hope you find hope, and guidance, live a good life.

sometimes you don't have to fit it, sticking out like a sore thumb and being true to yourself is more important than trying to fit into somewhere like a sheep in a cog. But to find people where you can assimlate in thought and in mind, it can be benefical to find people that support you, so i ask you to keep trying to find people that you can call friends. Stay delusional in positivity and hope cause its the only way to survive when shit is thrown at you, never give up. And you may say it may not help, but I don't see how telling you to kill yourself or telling you to say that to give up is a better plan or resolve, I can relate to this a lot but to come out of it and find significance is so much more important when everything seems meaningless. Keep pushing forward.

i hope you are able to find friends that care about you, it may take work to find them, and its a pain sometimes to have to go search but it can be very helpful to find a network of people that care for you especially genuine friendship. I can tell you not, but in my state of mind I don't think its a good job on my part to tell people to say they should not care for someone, so I do wish you the best

not sure about OCD but antipsychotics has helped tremendously with obsessive compulsive thoughts. I feel like it helped slow the system down especially when it helps getting better sleep. Lihtium has helped but I couldn't be on depakote long enough because I was allergic to it and it cause my throat to swell up.

@@BeyondBipolarBlog Thanks for the reply😃🖐

thanks for noting the dosages.

appreciate it brother, hope you live a good life, set goals and keep staying positive

hey bro, life sucks sometimes, and it sounds cliche but its better than telling people to off their life or commit suicide, but do your best to remain positive and set some goals for yourself, live day by day, and live in the moment, its hard to do sometimes so it may take more support, may take more work, may take a psychiatrist or therapist and exploring out of your comfort zone. I hope you find what you are looking for.

it gave me really bad akathesia.

@@BeyondBipolarBlog me too. Great channel

i could never tolerate clozapine it was really sedating. Although I am sure if I were to take it these days I would tolerate it much more since Ive been on an antipsychotic since 2015.

ah appreciate it. I think it relates more to racism (in the past) and depression, as well as body dysmorphia. But anyone can relate to it I am sure. I'm glad you got something out of this video. Hope you find gratitude.

honestly it took me a good year to lose 55 pounds or so but then I am sitting at 35 to 40 pound weight loss at the moment

I live in minnesota USA

sorry to hear that, I do hope you are able to expand your network of friends and relationships, whether it is nearby support groups, or only support groups, through work or volunteering, local gyms, or random encounters, it doesn't hurt to ask questions or remain vigilant in exploring your curiosities. Maybe a random event can lead to a new budding friendship. It could be difficult but a sliver of hope is best to give it and worth a shot.

hopefully you are in a situation where you value your life. If not I can understand what you may be going through, though I don't know the details, just know that this too shall past. Try to focus on the positives, if you can't find any just focus on the moment and take it day by day. I hope you find ways to manage your life and have hope for your future.

sorry to hear that, but looking down on yourself can be really self deprecating. If you are able to find one little thing about yourself, it gives you some hope about your future, setting goals or having a small dream, being grateful for today, staying in the present, being mindful and practicing a routine that is healthy, getting to the gym expanding your network of relationships or friendships, anything that can help distract you from negativity is a huge positive in the right direction. I hope you find what you are looking for.

I am sorry nah its probably just a distraction to you. There is no rhyme or reason. In future videos we don't chew gum.

@@BeyondBipolarBlog I’m having sum teeth grinding side effects with invega so I thought you guys had same and were using the gum to ease the stress on your teeth.

The first step is telling you that things will get better, even if you feel things don't feel like it. It can really eat at you if you continually become hopeless, ive been down that road, so the next step is to breathe, take one step at a time and do what you can do to manage it day by day. Till then, you can accomplish more goals and set a better future for youself, try to look up instead of down, and move your feet forward, I encourage you to get outside, stay tune with faith, expand your relationships (hopefully good ones), see a therapist (if you find it helpful) stay in touch with a psychiatrist if meds help and get out of your comfort zone and explore life itself. Take care. I hope things do get better for you.

It won’t. Neither will mine. We will be dead before we know it

i am so sorry you had experienced that, I had been on latuda for 8 years and it wasn't till later where it lossed its efficacy. Everyone responds differently. I hope that you did find some solution for your mental health issues whether that is medication, therapy, relationships, faith or whatnot. I pray that things get better for you, and if they already are, that things continue to stay well for you.

to be honest, for MOST of the meds that I try I am not on them long enough to experience the side effects long term, and when it comes to the more debilitating ones, like catonia or tardative dyskensia I never experienced long term, Akathesia happened short termed on certain drugs, I did experience TD on latuda at the end due to the highest dose I was on but it went away once I switched meds. For the most part I was on latuda for 8 years, and the rest very very limited amount of time. Plus weight gain happened less frequent due to the later antipsychotics I am on. Right now I am on lybalvi for a good 9 months and most likely many hears to come. Also if I am not on an antipsychotic I am literally up 24/7 and moods are everywhere, I have no motivation. I am currently working right now, without being on lybalvi I am afraid I won't be able to hold my part time job. Sleep is really important to me I try to get anywhere from 10 to 12 hours and that was what helped me sane for the most part. I am also on lamictal which I never experienced the steven johnson rash or any rash, and no weight gain. I've been on these drugs long term and overall feel pretty decent on them with little side effects. Things likely would be much worse without them. Everyone is different and I am sure if it wasn't for such a debilitating for of bipolar I would not be on any drugs at all cause for a good 5 years I was really against medication but I just couldn't tolerate it anymore cause I was desperate to be in a relationship and work.

I don't think there is much to do other than to encourage people, cause if you tell them to carry out a plan that would be a horrible thing to do! I am certain the people that watch this video aren't here to just watch this video for entertainment they really are considering hanging themselves or committing suicide. I just hope people actually watch this video long enough (*which after looking at analytics they aren't) understand this message is trying to coax people into NOt harming themselves. I am not a therapist or a psychiatrist but I have had bipolar for 18 years and I can understand what its like to be at the worse experience SI, had a few times the police came over, 8 hospitalizations and several other services required. Anyways appreciate your insight.

It sucked for a long time. I never ever told my parents until I was really in my late 20's, especially my adopted parents, I kind hinted to it to my birth family in 2009 when I wrote a letter to find them. In middle school I was forced to join a minority group, about mental health but I didn't want to talk to counselors about it cause I was embarrassed and not only that, felt they would not understand. So in terms of it I was late to tell them which I regret. Anyways, here is my biography. I am adopted so I had my issues with trauma ever since I was a kid. I grew up in a very white area in Minnesota and i was extremely shy, I am sure people noticed especially my teachers. I was adopted with my twin brother at 6 months and we have lived in minnesota ever since. We didn't really experience true racism since 8th grade. People made fun of me and called me names like "kermit and brass monkey" cause I had really bad acne and my mouth sticks out more than other normal people. I still am conscious about it to this day. I had really poor mental health in late middle school and high school. Severe anxiety and severe depression. I didn't develop bipolar disorder until I was 21. Even in college, I hated it cause I didn't want to interact with people my first few years. I had my first interaction with a hmong person in my senior year and I thought it was pretty cool at first, I gave the guy a drawing of a korean singer group but I can't remember then name. I was a really good drawer at the time. And when i was in my 3rd year, I went into animation and I met my first group of asian folks known as hmong. There is a huge hmong population here. And we had a few friends for awhile with them. I even dated a few hmong people through out the years. I didn't get into the korean community really until 2019 when I was with a study group to learn korean from a owner at a local korean resturant and that really helped with mental health for awhile. Then kyle and I turned to helping others with mental health, we run a channel called koreanadopteestories, www.kadstories.com, or czcams.com/users/koreanadopteestories that talk about adoptees and their trauma, many have cried and find it cathartic since many have mental health problems, addictions, and suicidal issues relating to trauma. We ended up reunited with our birthfamily in 2018. I will likely post a video here about this, later and I will link it below.

@@BeyondBipolarBlog Thank you for your honesty! I think it is really important to be open and honest when you are struggling. Unfortunately amongst the older generation, I feel like people just tough it out when they struggle. Best wishes to you and looking forward to your future videos :)

I figured people may be curious after 5 years of my fitness journey have I stayed committed to it? And truth is yes. Some reason I posted this previous entry here 3 years ago and a guy ended up liking the post so I figured why not show an update? On March 2019, I was approximately 176 lbs and now I am around 136 ish lbs, so I have maintained a total weight loss around 40 lbs or so. At my lowest I was 119.8, so max weight loss is 56 lbs. Anyways, I just want to say that I have had a pretty complicated history of mental illness. I have been diagnosed with a history of anxiety, psychosis, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar II and now bipolar 1. It is noted I have a history of 8 hospitalization one as of recently Christmas 2021 for SI. I have tried over 30 different medications. I have had numerous therapists, psychiatrists, was on a cadi waiver for ILS works, ARHMS workers, 2 partial hospitalzations and IRTS for 90 days. The only reason why I am mentioning it is because for those struggling with complications, or a debilitating form of mental illness can still manage to get some results depending on your desire, discipline and diet. Here are some tips that you may want to consider during your weight loss and or fitness journey that I have done to help me out. 1. The medications you are on can really affect your results. Sad but true. And I am sure many understand the weight gain associated with mood stabilizers like lithium or depakote and or antipsychotics like seroquel. There are others like some antidepressants. I have tried 8 different antipsychotics and both mood stabilizers. Anyways, for those that have already done a cost and benefit analysis may want to consider other alterior medications that are more weight neutral. A mood stabilizer called lamictal is a pretty weight neutral drug, but some people experience the lamictal rash which is deadly. Other antipsychotics like latuda or vraylar (both require food) and the newest approved antipsychotic, caplyta are all more weight neutral. FYI if you consult with a psychtrist, understand that any medication change can come with some risks, or very life threatening risks. So be wary that it is more important to be on a medication that may cause weight gain but you are more stable, vs. one that helps with weight loss and really struggling with your mental health. Like I said a pros and cons is really important so you can make the best judgement. The worst catalyst for weight gain for me was seroquel. I was on latuda for 8 years and it just wasn't working anymore so I temporarily put my self on seroquel, but it had really bad results in terms of weight gain so I totally switched to caplyta. Sure many people have heard of the seroquel weight gain. Here is what I am on and I have maintained my weight loss: 1. Lybalvi (antipsychotic) - 5 mg 10 mg ( low recommended dose) 2. Lamictal (mood stabilizer) - 200 mgs twice daily (pretty high dose) 3. Metaprolol (hypertension) 24 mgs twice daily 4. Fish Oil - 1000 MG 5. Multivitamin. Note: For people with bipolar disorder, I feel like it is okay to be on an antidepressant, and for those with ADHD, taking a stimulant, but likely scenario to reduce mania and help sleep to also be on a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic. For me Lybalvi has saved me many times from going to the hospital by reducing SI. 2. Diet is very very important regarding weight loss. I won't lie this is really tough when some medications as explained above increase appetite, some for the worst. But by being mindful of what you eat can really help with weight loss. For an example. I know for a fact I would always eat processed carbs especially noodles, and breads like spaghetti, macaroni, tuna hot dish, sandwiches, and a lot of rice. So if you want weight loss avoid or portion control your carb intake. I am very dedicated to my fitness journey so just letting you know I only eat 1 meal a day at night (ideally this is not good for some or most people because intermittent fasting or many small meals is more conducive for weight loss.) However, I admit I snack the hell out of carbs like pretzels, or popcorn, or cheez its or goldfish, whatever I can get my hands on. But you are what you eat pretty much, even if you are hungry or emotionally eating, its still calories, so whatever you put it is kind of what you get out. There really is no other option. I mean yes, metabolism slows down with some of these medications but, controlling portions is still beneficial for weight loss. People may be considering diet vs exercise, and overall I believe diet contributes to 70% of weight loss over 30% of exercise. So here are some examples that you may try. I know there is the atkins diet or carnivore and others but I am only doing what works for me. You got to make the decision what works for you. Anyyways this is what I try to do every week and that is have 1. Protein (Meat), and those that are vegan I respect that but sadly, peanuts or plant based proteins have no meat, but have much more calories and can make weight loss a little harder. But I thought I just mention it. 2. Vegetables. 3. Portioned carb like a potato or cup of rice and no more. Examples: 1. Protein - Hamburger, Meatloaf, Pork, Chicken, Steak, Tuna, Shrimp, Fish, Ham, ect. I try to focus on more protein than carbs. I know people say processed food is bad but for me when you are too busy and to lazy maybe, that eating deli meat is easier so I do that anyways. 2. Mixed veggies, corn, green beans, ect. Canned is cheaper but dont taste as good and may have less nutrition, but I eat canned sometimes anyways. 3. Fruit, so generally fruit is okay but too much is not good. Did you know bananas are full of sugar? So if you have a sweet tooth in moderation fruit is okay. 4. Liquids. Alcohol - empty calories. Pop - too much sugar. Alternatives is water or diet pop. For me I never have never really liked water, so I often use the powdery drinks that don't contain sugar. I won't lie, I also drink a ton of diet pop. Some researcher says that it can cause cancer, or may cause you to gain weight because you want to drink more, ect. But like I said I don't perfect my diet, I do what works for me and helps me manage my gains. I feel diet pop just helps with sweet tooth cravings. 5. Sweets not good to much sugar, avoid if necessary, includes chocolate and other name brand candy. 3. Exercise such as cardio or weightlifting. So there is some things to know about me. I workout 1 hr to 1 hr and 30 minutes 5 days a week, plus 25 to 1 hr on the stair machine. On the stairs, I try to get 500 to 1000 calories burned a day 5 days a week. This also includes trying to get from 10,000 to 15,000 sometimes rarely up to 18,000 steps a day 5 days a week. That is about 1.5 to 2.5 hours of steps. A watch can be very helpful to track steps or just having your phone in your pocket running samsung health. I am sure apple has its own accelerameter. So depending upon the machine or intensity of workout, that will largely affect your caloric burning. A bicycle machine has the lowest intensity, although much easier for the joints, not the best in burning calories. Many people think that treadmill is needed for most weight loss, but it really depends on speed and incline. When I was severely overweight I tried to avoid being on it to much and when I did (which was 2 hrs or so) overtime I wore down my knees so much that it made walking in general very painful. So treadmills are very hard on the joints especially when overweight. You may find more balance going your own pace using an elliptical machine. And of course for me, I always use the stairs because you can burn the most calories in a shorter duration due to its high intensity. If you hate working out in general due to it being so boring, and rather sit around and watch netflix, well try to get yourself moving or pacing in the house if need to be or outside and binge your favorite tv shows. Be wary I should note the safest is in a gym because walking without looking can be dangerous, but anyways thought I mention that anyways. When I am doing cardio I often put on anime or netflix so I still do it very often. And then this leads to bodybuilding. Going on and on on cardio is very boring, however is the most effective way to lose weight. If you are severely overweight I recommend, cardio over weightlifting. The only reason why I recommend weightlifting is because you lose muscle mass as your do more cardio, so if you want to maintain muscle mass you need to bodybuild. For those that are absent when it comes to working out at home. A gym is a great way to lose weight. For me I go to Planet Fitness and the membership is only $10 dollars a month. It is very affordable and has various machines and dumbells. You really can't beat that. {EDIT - BTW, some insurances cover gym memberships so reach out to your insurance and contact your local gym facility}. Plus if you are not sure about instructors, Beachbody has various trainers such as Shaun T, Joel Freeman, Amolia Cesar, Sagi Kalev, and Tony Horton that streams their programs on an app you can download. It is noted that their is a membership and it is $99 a year, which is pretty affordable if you have no desire to do your own workouts. I have noticed that my weights collect dust at home because it is a much smaller environment and I find having more space at a gym is better. Also accountability is important so I often have a workout partner. He is my twin brother, and we go to the gym together. It is very beneficial to keep yourself motivated. Okay, I think that wraps things up.

I have been on my fitness journey for 5 years now. And I am likely going to continue it. Note: You do not have to workout so hard, or have to diet so well, or even be on the same medications as me, you got to find what works. Desire is pretty much keep to getting the ball rolling. So many people have new years resolutions to lose weight but don't want to do it. I was a really low point in my life and was extremely frustrated with my weight gain. It helped to know being on a healthier diet, and more weight neutral meds and exercise can help fuel better results. My desire was so exponetial that I just didnt want to live anymore so it really forced me to make that assertion to want to lose weight. It doesn't have to be this extreme but depending on the leverage of your desire, discipline and diet, the 3 ds to weight loss I call it, can help with your transformation. Note in regards to med change, lamictal has a slow titration, so for those that want to get on it, you will have to slowly go up as you slowly go down on another weight gaining drug. Honestly I was in the hospital for the first time I tried to get off lithium, but once I increased the lamictal at a higher dose I avoided the hospital a second time. Overally, do what you can manage and makes living more stable. Set small daily goals, and over time that can make it one large goal. A small decision, can have a lifetime of results, it just depends on the choice you make each and everyday. The japanese term Kaizen, which I also sometimes read self help books, is about making a small change over a period of time. So try to follow this philosphy. Anyways, long read, but I hope that it has been an insightful one. For me fitness is a lifestyle. At first it wasn't fun at all but overtime habit is more important that happiness. So you may not want to go to the gym one day, sometimes I don't want to work out either, but I show up everyday, and overtime you can reach your goal. Making small good choices can lead to life breaking habits, so try to make good ones. Good luck on your transformation, Travis

I will do a video later and i will link it below once it is up.

if you cannot tolerate medication no more I would recommend trying TMS, transcranial magnetic stimulation. I got it 8 months ago and I found so much relief I no longer need an antidepressant. I've done a review of it here: czcams.com/video/uNqjogCRt3s/video.html

hang in there, always count your blessing and the few that do matter, the more you focus on those that don't the more bitter you get. Its hard to get over it but everyones gotta start somewhere even if its from scratch. Hopefully you do come to terms and find ways to explore other ways to expand your network of friends. Good luck.

it was an okay drug for me, only lasted a year but could be different for you, however, I lost quite a bit of weight on this drug.

life is definitely scare sometimes, but I do hope you come to terms with it.

@@BeyondBipolarBlog I have no choice.

appreciate it

video is pretty old, i think i've come to terms with most of the things that happened in my life, cause if I didnt find some silver lining I would continue to be in pain wondering why my life is so shitty. I hope you have found peace with yourself, or find a way to make peace with what you are given, have faith and pursue what you can do in spite all the challenges life throws at you. Suffering may lead to success, depending upon how you look at it.

@@BeyondBipolarBlog your outlook regarding life seems to have improved.

i feel you, I hope you come to terms with your pain. Cause if you don't you are going to fight an uphill battle. It makes life much harder when your own family doesn't support you. However, you gotta do your damnedest to think positively. Its going to be challenging and you will always revert to negative thought patterns, I do the same, cause it is so easy to do, but if you consistently do that, its going ot make life that much more miserable. Try hard to not blame yourself or anyone else, but move and push forward, live a good life and do your best to set goals, life productively and have a reasonable set of faith. Good luck.

You are an awful person

kindness breeds kindness. I have thick skin but for those that don't could cause a lot of consequences. Try to stay kind.

it is and it can be painful, difficult, purposeless, but to find meaning within it is really what makes the most sense to try to come to terms with. If you cant find a lesson in everything you do, you are going to constantly wonder why the hell you are a live. My best advice is to be kind to yourself, dont judge yourself to harshly and try to have a positive outlook in spite all the hell life may have to throw at you, cause you can sure do the opposite but that will only make life so much harder on you. There is no good quality life if all it does is bring you pain and you put pain on a pedestal. I hope you find worth in what you do in life, friendships, support, hobbies, job, family, spiritual wellbeing, financial, anything that will better your life is something that you should really aim for, having goals is essential to find self actualization.

suicidal thoughts is painful especially over a period of time, it can get really irritating cause you know you want to die. But if you have faith things will get better your entire outlook will change. So my advice is do your best to think positive inspite all of the shit you go through no matter how tough it is, it could just very well save your life. Cheers.

I haven't heard of them, I gotta research them to see what they are about, are they related to any previous drugs. I am on lybalvi and I know its a hybrid of xyprexa, invega is a hybrid of risperdal - which risperdal and invega was no good caused too much akathesia for me.

it just caused too much weight gain, unfortunately i am heavy right now too but i gotta cut the losses.