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I feel so much shame for falling for my ex's love bombing. About a 2 months in the problems started to surface. She was treated badly at work, her mum gave her a hard time, her dad would rarely see her or contact her, she had no friends, she was seemingly always unwell... And then she started to focus on me. Despite treating her like gold and being so patient, she belitted me, insulted me, was jealous of me, didn't care for my achievements, expected me to pay for everything, lured me on an expensive trip (which was awful for 90% of it), had the cheek to call me "stingey", had so many unprovoked ups and downs and then came the brutal discard. I'm glad it was just a 7-month relationship. I ignored so many "red flags" because of how the love bombing made me feel and because I was so atrracted to her. Ultimately, she caused me a great deal of stress. My mental, emotional and physical health declined and I was often so miserable. And yet, somehow, I miss her two months after the discard. Why do I miss someone who was so abusive? It's so messed up.

In scared I’m lovebombing this guy I’m with😭😭 I’m dating him now but I lose interest and gain it so fast and I don’t even know how I feel

Oh wow this helped me understand that the potential “friend” that I was dealing with was in fact not just avoidant, but had high narcissistic traits. I knew that disengaging from that connection was the right move, but I was questioning if how I disengaged was appropriate. I 100% did the right thing and I will definitely never contact her again!

8:15 as you said with narcissists happens with avoidants, and I would add that the empathy developed from the partner makes it harder. So both, provide that devastation.

maybe it's the halo effect but heck

🥺 thanks you

I need help please, I met this girl in the middle of tough times and she saved me, she brought back a side of me I had lost and I also found a reason to actually want to live and spend my time, it was amazing and it was hard but i wanted it so I got it. Along the way it was hard, stress, anxiety, exams and other issues but we worked through it because we wanted to and I felt that I would work through anything and wanted to marry this girl. Upon reaching the 3 month mark, for them 3 months we were seeing each other 24/7 basically living together. (We are only 18 btw) and it was great but I started to pull away because I wanted my own time and felt like I couldn’t get it. I reached a limit of the arguing over small stuff and getting annoyed which affected me with the mindset of not being bothered or feeling as it was hard work and so over a week or 2 my feelings have vanished or are playing idle and I can’t confidently say “I LOVE YOU” anymore and it’s causing me distress. I told her and we are trying to work through it but I feel as though my heart or chest is empty and so my head is saying I don’t want to be with her BUT I KNOW WANT TO BE WITH HER AND WANT TO LOVE HER AND WANT MY FEELINGS BACK. What do I do? I’ve been told it’s a result of seeing her too much and feeling suffocated so we have decided to take a break but neither of us want this to end and it’s me that’s causing this because I don’t feel the love I used to, but I know I love her and can’t live without her. PLEASE HELP.

I was in an abusive relationship several years ago, but exactly because of TV and people's simplified stories, ive gone on thinking the beginning (love bombing) is what a relationship is supposed to be like. Only recently realized a slow burn is more normal and while it feels nice, theres no good reason for someone to be obsessed with you 3 weeks in. 😮‍💨 Still have some work to do but this was very helpful.

Great information! In a recent experience, I questioned whether he was a narcissist or avoidant. I truly think he is avoidant and not a narcissist, which helped me have empathy as I’ve severed the relationship. The experience has also helped me discover some of my own avoidant coping mechanisms.

Glad to find your channel! I totally agree on the exercise tip. It totally changed my life in a year.

I can't thank you enough. I was just asking myself and your video showed up.

I agree, I was unsure for a while. Through some tests, the narcissist inside her came through all the way.

Good video !!

Thank you that was very helpfull! Do both narciccist and avoidants generally score lower regarding emotional intelligence or does this not matter? Keep up the good work!

I watched this because i'm not sure whether I'm being loved bombed or not. I am a man. I met a lady at a dance She got me involved in a social group. A few weeks later we. danced again. I went to a diffeerent social event and she was there. We had a very good time together and she asked if I wanted to hang out. I said yes. Later she confessed that she attended the event because she knew I was going. She also admitted she introduced me to the social group because she was interested in me. It is flattering and I realized that it sort of set me up for a meet. We since had dinner and that went well. It's only been a few days and she texts and calls frequently. I can see some insecurity depending on how I respond. She is twice divorced. The second marriage was very abusive via her spouse. I came from a long stable marriage, however, my wife passed. I suppose I might expect some insecurity from a person that had an abusive spouse. What I'm not sure of is the speed at which we are going and what I need to be on the look out for. At one point she was unclear about the dinner date and I could see that flustered her. I've only dated a few times since my wife's passing but have observed that women often need some space. I guess I do too. The lady is witty and funny and has a good personality. Her mother is ill and she is very caring for her and visits her frequently at a nearby nursing home. My sense is there is some desperation in making a connection and getting a response, which puts a little bit of pressure on me. She is on the rebound from dating a man whom she felt was indifferent towards her at times, including supporting her emortions regarding her feelings about her aging mother.

Really appreciate this advice. Will follow these points as a guideline to follow in my daily routine. Thank you!! 🙏

I found your channel today. I love your content . The clips are funny I enjoy them ❤️ thank you for such clear advice and videos that aren’t too long .

This video went so hard

2:46 I needed to hear that

Thank you I needed this right now . I ended a relationship with a love bomber , I knew he was a love bomber but I convinced myself he was just suffering from past trauma , he would always blame things on me , devalue me , esp in front of friends . We would go out with friends and he would just disappear on me 😢 but every time it was me apparently . I said no more today . It’s hard when you love someone but I could not take any more passive aggressive crap , I am sad but I also feel slightly liberated to for saying no and having respect for me ❤️✌️🍍

Good stuff as always

Great advice. Thank you for this video. Im recently divorced and started dating someone who is amazing, so kind and loving. But i constantly wonder if im getting love bombed. Its been 7 months, and i only see them once a week. Taking it very slow. I havent seen any other red flags, i am cautiously optimistic.

Tips from Dr Vacnin 1: if it feels to good to be true, it is too good to be true 2: too much effort is fake 3: too good to be true, is too good to be true 4: verify By the way, you have a refreshing sense of humor... And that is not a bomb

Coffee✅ T ✅

I’m not sure where this term comes from”love bombing” comes from but it seems to me that someone who has a healthy self esteem would not be enjoying so much attention also it is sort of self indulgent to believe you deserve that kind of attention 👍

Welcome back! I have been binge watching your videos! I’m processing a betrayal/broken trust from a man I dated four years. Any topics around that will be great!

thank you so so much

Truly found this helpful and explained some things that I wasn't aware of. Thank you T

More damaging for women then a man. Thanks for this video.. Truly eye opening 👏

Youre doing a great job.

you are beautiful and i am emotionally meture enough to compliment you and not get jealous <3

Thanks for this very insightful list! :) Chapters would have been great in that type of video, though.

I can’t wait for your channel to really kick off, bc your content is gold.

Great vid, how about healing our insecure and fearful attachment styles?

Interesting video content, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

Awesome insight! Thank you!

Coffee with T! Happy Sunday and thank you!

"Emotionally immature people are reckless with their emotions." 💯 Words and actions too. 🎯 Such an insightful video. Loved the clips. 👍🏾😊

Looks like I've got some work to do. In my last relationship I was generally good at this stuff but there was some behavior from my partner that became very exhausting after a few weeks. Unfortunately I snapped and behaved immaturely. They broke up with me. I'm gonna try my best if I ever get into another relationship

Thank you, this made things very clear. I have been soooo lovebombed very recently. I had no clue, never heard of it. I am an avoidant and I have been working so hard on my self the last 5 years because I really want to connect and have a deep fullfilling realtionship. I really thought I met 'the' guy and I was picking the fruits of my hard work. I fell in love so hard! Then his behaviour switched and I started to figure out the real story. I am still in the realtionship, I didn;t feel the strenght to step out. Eventhough I am sure now I have to. I have two questions: is an avoidant and a narcissist atracting each other? And is it possible the lovebomber is really in love but doesn't know how to act healthy or is there never real love involved? Thank you!

Good insight. I think another reason has to do with Myers-Briggs type. Introverts will have an introverted trait as their primary trait on the function stack (INTJ has the primary of Introverted Intuition) and the secondary trait is an extroverted trait (INTJ has the secondary trait of Extroverted Thinking). Therefore, introverts will most likely be perceived by their secondary traits by those who do not know them well because it is the extroverted trait that is most noticeable. The whole field of types is a mess and this hypothesis could be wrong, but from my experience it checks out.

This was a very simple and concise video on how to human lol

Very helpful :-) I used to date older women hoping they had the emotional maturity I seek. Holy smoke was I wrong. Apparently personality attributes such as emotional maturity does not improve beyond about age 30. People can learn to work with what they have after that, if they want, but the fundamentals are locked in at that point. You are correct, if someone has zero self awareness, then there is no hope of them changing. Move on.

All excellent points except no mention of trauma, adhd or autism. All can hide within maladaptive behaviour. Thank you

1. Humility - collaborative not defensive 2. Self - awareness - what we are feeling and how we reflect. Not overly critical. Not blaming others 3. Empathy - social awareness, validate and respond to others 4. Self-regulation - manage stress in the moment, and not overindulge in your emotions 5. Accountability - advocate for our needs, accept our duty to address, team effort. Articulate your emotions 6. Reliability - trustworthy and predictable in a positive way. 7. Flexibility - come up with creative solutions to problems and can deal with what is. 8. Humor - life isn’t too serious, room for play, not too sensitive.

Yes i did, thank you.

I know of one person who definitely needs to see this. He is all of the above and then some. I had to ghost him because he thought I was his personal psychiatrist. Always living in his past telling me every wrong every person ever did to him. Overreacted over the smallest of things. He had no one to speak to except for me. I felt sorry for him and tolerated him for far longer than I should have. I always felt miserable after our conversations.

It depends on the words and tone of voice and body language as to the way the message is received. Plus mood enters into it.😊

Very excellent video I really enjoyed that. It got me taking notes of the eight different emotional maturity checkpoints very good. I think it was a very good self-help video.

And learn how to identify avoidants