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Fr. Ripperger talked about how Satan attacks and overcomes through a person's "particular good." I began to think about that. A desire, assisted by a particular lack of virtue, that pulls us away from Christ, our "precious." Which puts perspective on Tolkien 's theme throughout the books, including within each persona he developed.

Leat

Leisure is about sight. It's about allowing what is there to be received. Essentially, it means an openness and general orientation toward awe and gratitude. Leisure means looking upon creation with awe and gratitude. With this in mind, we see that leisure is an attitude that can be applied to any situation. It is the rejection of cynicism and sarcasm for appreciation. In Christianity, such appreciation is called worship.

The problem with Vatican II is we've not Vatican II'd enough. We just haven't had enough time and enough support from the official institutions of the Church to get it to really take off.

28;51 "Contradicting" that's very important.

18:51 😂

12:32 I agree! So far I want Church Fathers by CUA Press Summa Theologica Commentaries on the Bible Ancient pre-Christian writers Catholic writers Theology books History books Saints books Liturgical books Doctors of the Church books Encyclical books Etc...

I thought that the Magnificat magazine did not contain the liturgy of the hours, it’s just a prayer in the morning and evening.

Don't free your mind, opening it wide like a prison cell door, narrow it down into a cramp space, into one specific life matters, and not all them. Repeat the chant; be repetitive. Sitting around a patient all day in an insane asylum who is repeating four syllables is a great time. Doing so is a girls night out on the town, so desired, it's letting your hair down, not a burdensome job. You want to go to work and hear the four syllables repeated. Then you want to go to the market and hear those four syllables repeated again. And you want to get home and hear so much more those four. Also you want to go on your vacation and hear it all day from all the vacationers and repeating in your head like your mind is stuck. Don't worry, you'll get to turn on the screens, and go to school, and to the doctors and not miss out on it for a second. It won't look like a twilight zone episode where all the citizens minds have been taken over.

Drink and smoke and showing a little leg aren't bad, excessive use of them, and showing a lot of leg, is. If that ever happened the catholics would be honest and speak out. They wouldn't ignore it and speak as if we are on the verge of prohibition, only concerned with their drink, sex, drugs and smokes. My neighborhood was packed with adults and child alcoholics, chain smokers, and drug addicts, like all these warzone neighborhoods across the country. A junkie catholic would ignore it and pretend prohibition, not excessive pleasure seeking, is the current problem, because the junk would have control of his mind and blind it in order to keep him going down the destructive road. When prohibition was around, the cities weren't at war and dangerous for the kids. In this excessive time, this extremist era, the cities are. The junk will say not to his mind, "This is the era of excess," it will direct it to, or keep it locked on it saying in a panic, "If they say excess is the big problem now, they'll come for my junk." When prohibition was over, and it wasn't the time of excess yet, they didn't say, "We're in the days of moderation now, but don't forget the pleasure can drive men mad and make them fight block to block," no, they said "Watch out for prohibition, watch out for prohibition, watch out for prohibition," but didn't add, "It won't lead to cities in third-world conditions and to death and sickness and mental illness and lies all over the place, just to better health and a loss of a little pleasure, that only an addict would see as the end of the world and the end of all good and where wars come from. Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? - James 4:1 My sister's buddhist boyfriend who was born in asia believes in ancient giants and a great flood. Are you going to go to the pagans to learn the new way from them and not listen to the stupidity that the white creationists are spewing? Is modern science zesty or stiff and cold like math, or are talking serpents zesty? Is moving around zesty and staying still is cold, and moving around in the office building getting a boring job done is zesty, and resting is cold? Jesus said, "Stop judging by outward appearances, and start judging justly." Get up and dance for me or you are not zesty but a boring tyrant. Good priests have good judgment. If a judge in a court of law thought one race fun, thought it making him happy, and thought another race boring, thought it not making him have a feel good time, would he be thinking clearly, and able to judge fairly, straight down the middle, calling it like it is, not tending to bend to one side over the other, based on feelings he gets and not on logic? They don't have show after show on the history channel of whoppi goldberg types, but of hitler. He, with the nazis in their regalia, can really capture and hold the attention almost a hundred years after the fact. They're not boring. The zesty eighties rapper is forgotten already. In the old neighborhood there was many people from different european countries. We would crack jokes on each others nationality. It was fun. If we were real serious and not fun we would have stopped each other from doing that, calling it hate, and made the days and place boring. We would have been the one's who are the killjoys then. The white priest, and white suburban house wife, who both went to all white schools, and grew up in a neighborhood with not a black around for miles, who served in a black church for a year, or watches black church gatherings on tv and slept with a black crack dealer she met on one of her drug runs she made to the city, behind her husbands back, are going to teach white me, who went to mostly all black schools, who had blacks living around the corner from me and on the same block as me, and four blocks away in housing projects, like one my family started off in, who lost my virginity to a black woman, all about blacks, and share their wealth of experience with me to get me up to date and out of the dark ages. Them imagining that they know more about blacks than whites do makes them feel morally superior and gleeful and special. After you live with someone long enough you grow more sick and tired of them and less enthusiastic over them than you were when you first met them. If you have only a tiny portion of experience with them you will not be treating them as though you have been around them as much as you've been around whites, as just another person, but as the fresh hip product, and as if you are the first kid on the block before all the other kids, to have the coolest new richard pryor toy. Are the religious priest and suburban house wife ahead of the trends now, hip, or old stiffs who ride the trend as it's fading and dying, thinking its brand spakin named new and that they have discovered it before most know about it and that it is still underground, and not on tv yet? The now known rapper was unknown by the mainstream music fans when his neighborhood or city were already sick of him and went looking for the next great hood star. That was long before the television salesmen caught wind of him and thought they could make a buck off him. The emotions that come from the idea of being morally superior must blind people to the full world around them and to how it truly operates. Tobacco has been smoked throughout out all history, pushed on us. When has the withholding of tobacco been pushed on us? Alcohol drinking, it's been pushed on us throughout history. How long did the prohibition tyranny last, a mere decade or so? Did the drinking and smoking tyranny last all the rest of the time, for millennia, and those tyrants are way more driven, and we should keep a closer watch on those tyrants out of the two a-holes, and we are under way more danger from them, since they are extremely more driven from wanting physical pleasure and to make a buck, than one who does stuff for god, not sensation and cash? Does their desire for pleasure and for their plans and for dollars blind them from seeing the whole picture, or make them hide pieces of it so you will think those doing things for god are worse, or think that "Yeah, the non-religious are horrible human beings, but no worse than the religious"? The violent gangsters hanging on the corners scaring the local law abiding citizens, have cigarettes hanging out their mouths, alcohol containers in their hands, and scantly dressed women standing next to them, not bibles with them. Fights, shootings, stabbings, break out in bars and strip and dance clubs all the time, every night of the week, not outside church's. Tyrants by the tons are throwing prostitution parties in their palaces, not having bible studies.

We don't want any human hurt. Nor do we desire for him to be on the verge of being in danger, living on the edge, only a few steps from trouble, since then he will be hurting from anxiety attacks, and losing his mind and peace over the fact that there isn't an unlimited supply, and by the fact that he could be in danger at any moment, and thus never able to truly get comfortable and put his guard down and not be in a fight and go home and have a life that is one long holiday. Hence, we want an overabundance of things for humanity, so they can throw money around like it's trash, that which keeps coming, unstressed that doing that will put them in harm's way. Him stressing is him hurting. We do not want anyone ever to be hurt. If there is an unlimited supply, they won't be stressed out, openly or secretly, trying to hold onto things. If there is a limited amount, he will be afraid deep down since there isn't enough to get him through his life, afraid because their isn't enough for the rest of history for all humanity. Having tons of money makes people susceptible to putting others in danger, thinking they can now cut others off, and do not need them anymore. It makes people feel untouchable, able to do anything they please to others. And humanity is rich. So not only do they have to live with a limited supply as they do, no matter how rich they are, they have to have us make them poorer, more stressed out than they already presently are because they have a limited supply even though they are rich, and more likely to use their then, once we do that, even more insecure physical state as a reason to hurt others, making gaining a more safe situation for themselves, as a reason to put others in danger.

The hectic work day is crazy, not stable, rigid like religious formula, fixed, moving slowly like ritual, but loose, loud like banging drums, not silent or quiet like a traditional church, but unraveling you, tossing you around, breaking you down in your mind, cracking your sanity.

My three suggestions: -Catholic Bibles before 1950s. Preferably Duey Rhiems. -the Baltimore Catechism -the Book "Lex Orandi" by Daniel Graham.

Intelligent is not a flake of dirt floating in the air, out in space somewhere, around since the beginning of time. It is in a mind, with nowhere to move to. So it is at rest. And you want to be intelligent, at rest in your mind.

An eye is natural. So one eye is needed for nature. Two eyes on a face looks abnormal and weird. Two eyes? What is nature, a mirror?

Commercials aren't enchanting you into a trance, they're science class. Commercials aren't putting spells on you, they're teaching science, forward progress. Why would science go in any direction? And if it does, why just one direction and not in every direction? Science will make you go forward into the future so you can leave the barbaric past behind and become youthful once again. The rock in the forest is getting better. It's progressing. It was a bad guy, a monster, in the past. The stone is getting better. It's going to be able to feel pain one day and die a scary, lonely, agonizing, mind-maddening death. I was born a monster. I'm getting better though. I'm turning into logic, a logo for the company and team.

Thank you dear friends for your experiential sharing on the Liturgy of the Hours.

One country eats pasta, smokes, and gets in dangerous cars and has dirty air, and has good old world type fellas who get up into their 60's and 70's, and another land has no dangerous vehicles, does not smoke, has a clean sky, and eats natural food found out in the wild, and has tribal elders reaching 60 and 70. I figure if the tribe is living like they did one hundred thousand years ago and dying at fifty or 60, then the futuristic modern guys living 100,000 years later, with that much advancement having taken place, should be living, on average, to about 165 or two or 300, maybe 500, or 1000.

When you see your neat bedroom staying in place, you say, "Ah, peace and serenity." When you see it moving, turning, going, circling, bouncing and twisting around in the twirl of the tornado, you say, "This is insane."

The adult mind is clear, looking outward, not in dreamland and fantasy world, fractured in pieces, shaky, broken apart, frail and ailing, heavy and hard, but is light, not clouded and confused like a dummy's mind, but is easy to manage, like the mind of a child.

This is a sentence from chesterton: "That you and a tiger are one may be a reason for being tender to a tiger." It's a beautiful thing. It's got 5 "t's" in it. It's got a "to a," a "be a," and a "and a". "Reason" has a similar sound to "being", and both two syllables. The "one" and "son" in "reason" rhyme. There's also a "be" and a "being," so that stands out to me. There seems to be, with just a quick glance, a disproportioned sum of "r's" in it. There seems to be three pieces to its flow. 1. That you and a tiger are one/ 2. may be a reason for being/ 3. tender to a tiger. The "and" starts with an "a," and the "are" in it so does too, and to add, there is an "a" before "tiger" twice, and ahead of "reason" once, and I won't also add that "a" that appears in "that", or any other, if there may be another and even others.

Play is harder work than work. You don't survive by, or get paid for, playing, so it is harder for you to do than your job is. If you play you are not doing what you need to survive, and so play is deadly and takes discipline and internal fortitude. So it takes more power and strength to work up the unction or gumption to play. You need more drive, more motive, to play than you need to work. It's not for the faint hearted, and just like useless non-activity such as thinking, it is not for the weak minded. Thus you use up more energy undertaking in it. So it is more difficult for you and on you. But you automatically survive. You were born surviving, so it's not a choice. You were born that way. Your bladder knows to the do the job of emptying out so you live on with no effort on your part, just as your heart and breathing get the job done with not much notice from and by you. If he plays all day and plays with his food with his tongue and makes swallowing it into some timing game will he be taking himself out and he must be stopped for the children's sake?

A scientist in a sealed room with tiny, deadly, invisible things knows when he leaves the room to go into a second room to get a thorough scrub down before going home. He knows not to take the clothes he had on in that first room, or the objects that were in that room, home with him. Can you even keep track of how many things you touched just yesterday and how many pieces of dust touched you? Is it 899 or 993? They loss their keys that were just in their hands but they think they never lost track of safety precautions. A musician and actor has takes, because getting the song or scene just right, staying on plan, for only three minutes is difficult to do, let alone doing it all day, day after day. He can't keep track of one hundred text messages sent to him in a day, but is able to keep track of a whole world of thousands upon thousands of safety precautions and a million things in the air he can't see? He misses the toilet when he takes a piss, drops a hammer when hammering and hits his thumb with it also, trips over his feet, misspells words, makes a mistake when copying words from a page, makes a wrong turn on the road, forgets what he was saying and where he parked and to feed the dog, but he's been sticking firmly to safety precautions like a programmed lab machine and assembly line robot and hasn't failed to keep them?

You don't speak of the middle of the night office, which I can't find to join. It doesn't have to necessary be prayed in the middle of the night, and it's so inspirational.

I copy the past. In the past they were the first. So they had no past that was first before them to copy. So the past people didn't copy the past. I'm new age, I copy the past.

God wants to play. But you're trying to relax, and busy trying to make your dreams come true, so you see the play, when it starts to happen in your day, as no fun, as a nuisance, or even as a very serious issue which is worthy of a somber will and heavy slumbering slowed down heart.

How can being alive be the goal of reasoning unless reasoning existed before being alive and led to it, to that goal? Goals aren't childish. Being retarded is my goal. So being retarded is not childish, it is being mature. When something is done growing it has matured. The mature are done growing. They have reached their goal. So chasing goals is not being grown, mature, it is being childish. Math has no final number, no goal it reaches. So accomplishing a goal is not mathematical. The living have goals. Science isn't alive, it's dead. So science has no goal. The adult tree is a thousand years old and the adult tortoise is three hundred years old. So being two hundred is being a child, the young, and is being a grown up, old. Goals aren't alive. They are dead. So the dead are the goal. Dreams are part of the mind, part of the living. So dreams are alive, and dreams pursue goals. Once you accomplish your goal it is no longer your goal, it is the past, the old, the mature. In the past you were a child. So the old goal is childish. If the old goal is mature, not childish, then you should be headed toward it, toward the mature, toward the old goal, not the new one, the fresh goal, the young goal, the babyish goal. Games are not serious, not adult, but play. Games have goals. Once the goals are reached the game, the play, the childish, is over. In the future you and things are older. So a future goal is old, outdated. A past goal is in the past. So it is old, outdated. Don't be childish. Be old, past your time. Don't be childish. Be old, the later, the one late to the game. Rationale already exists. So it's old-fashion. The future is the new, not the present, that which exists already, the aged. The future hasn't happened yet. So it hasn't aged. It's not old, it's immature. Life is childish, not behaving exactly the way you want it to. It's napping then erratic, not following your orders but leading you on to get your hopes up and then dashing them like an immature sneak, a little brat. Life is dangerous, unreasonable, immature, not grown, considerate of your feelings, safe. The child runs around. It's childish. The old, the mature, are not moving, or are moving slowly. Is your mind racing and on top of things, like a young inexperienced princess, not strolling calmly, under the control of age, but unable to control itself, like a baby unable to walk on its own, with it's bones growing out of its control, or like an old bone, done growing, still and under control, or like an elderly stomach and baby belly having bowel movements against it's will. Does life got you puzzled, or have you figured it out and have finished and completed and fixed it so that it isn't giving you any more problems to solve, riddles to answer? Does life got you puzzled, dazed, or are you done working on it and got the answer? Are you working on life? Was it broke and needed to be put together? Is there a such thing as life, or is it not done yet and you are still working on it? Did you turn life into your goal you met, and it was death, and you turned death into life? Or did you make your goal appear magically, and didn't put the broken pieces together to form the jigsaw machine christmas bike? Is life fixed and working properly and you don't have to work on it?

It’s 2024 and I am glad to come across your channel. I didn’t notice it until I watched this video that 2 of my favourite set of books would almost sound the same. LOTH and LOTR… either way, I hope that in continuing my journey to a deeper understanding and spiritual life may the liturgy always guide us to a better Christian faith and life towards others most of all.

I started laughing at myself and moving around excitably in my spinable swirly seat and not remaining still and calm, adult and corpse and stone like, like one scared stiff, or sickly and incapacitated, or brain dead, or born with no iq, and that resulted in me banging my knee in this cramped room on a hard pointy edge of a surface. It was a great accomplishment. It opened a a window of opportunity for me to laugh and move on, or to moan and out of that distressed mind overcome with emotion to make decisions then, and to decide to never bang my knee again, or get hurt forever, and to tighten up for fear if I get loose and laugh again, then I won't be on guard and will bang something. Me typing this is wearing down my finger bone, making it hurt later. So we got to tighten up ship and stop typing, moving, and laughing, and instead stay on guard like a paranoid schizophrenia guarding the prison with no lunch break, lest he choke on the food, and no clocking out time, lest he recline and someone in a state of dread of pain 24/7 gets the upper hand on him and wins the game of life and I don't get the trophy for being the smartest and most practical and reasonable man ever alive. Is living a life based on dread with a mind that has at its root and core, dread driving it and what it does, look like what the victory would look like and what the victor is trying to accomplish?

Isn't trying to accomplish goals trying to make dreams come true? Isn't trying to make dreams come true unadult-like? Is life a dream factory? Do dreams come true in disney land or in factories? Am I a dream come true, a nightmarish monster made in a factory, or a science project? Is saying, "I want to make my dream come true," sound like a serious adult talking, or like a child? Is making dreams come true education, or play, or a 9 to 5 that sucks? Get serious here buddy, stop goofing off, we ain't got time for games, we're making dreams come true. Go home with the women and children and try to make science and math come true with them if you can't tough it out with the big boys. Is making dreams come true making life come true, or is life, the science, math and logic, already true, and accomplishing goals is not making them true but making games and play and fantasy become true?

Paying close attention is you paying. A horse has blinders on his eyes and is stuck paying attention to what is ahead, unable to see the trouble coming from behind or the side. There are going to be flaws in everything till the day you die. So working to locate them means you'll be seeing flaws all the time, like a paranoid who thinks everybody is out to get him and running down the empty street naked saying the enemy is all around him and has him surrounded.

Caring about a thing a lot is squeezing it real tight. Things break that way.

Jesus said whoever swears by the altar swears by the altar, and the next line he says whoever swears by the temple swears by the temple. Then in the third line he starts off saying whoever swears by heaven. So the mind expects him to say whoever swears by heaven swears by heaven. But he says whoever swears by heaven swears by the throne of god.

I think jesus said, "possess your soul," and, "don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing," and "love up covers sin," and "If your conscience condemns your soul, god is greater than your conscience and knows all things, not just some," and paul said, "I don't judge myself," and "martha, you are busy about many things but mary sat", and "sit at my right hand," and the wicked are restless," and "they will not enter my rest." And also says, "I know myself as much as one looking in a dirty blurry mirror can see himself."

Beware the man of one library.

If you're counting every second, then every second isn't counting.

You have ocd, your check has to be a certain amount. You have ocd, your food can't have any covid in it. You have ocd, your can't go through the red light sometimes. You got to not worry about things being a certain way. Doing that is a disorder. Loosen up, there can be two presidents of the united states at the same time. Sometimes you can have the flame near the gas pump; don't be such a stickler. They try not to be late. The one guy was late and got in an accident. He was alright and went back to earning the next day. The guy he got in an accident with was on pace to being right on time for work. He is paralyzed now and not able to provide for his family. If he was late for work he would have missed that guy that was in a rush by 15 minutes and never would have gotten in an accident with him and would still be earning. None of your meals for the rest of your life will have a single germ on them. The scientist checked them on your fork with a microscope. You're not paranoid, there's scolding of women going on everywhere. Be on the look out. Buffalo bill is in the that van. There was another crash that killed a guy who was running late for work. Did the philosopher know to ask, "When do we really know?"? I'm saying this by faith. Is it by faith, to faith, from faith, in faith, for faith, under faith, on faith, with faith, or as faith that I am saying? I forgot. Is it through faith? Don't you want people to have faith? He is scolding women by faith, not from reasoning, but to it and from mystery, and in god, and with science. Cover up his scolding, it's naked, not illegal. The men in the past were barbaric, covering the women up, and wanting lots of sex, and not wanting to be tied down to women, and forcing the women to marry them. If the words of jesus were written down by catholics, and I shouldn't put my confidence in them being god, beyond understanding, why should I trust that the catholics words that are also written by catholics are god, the goal? If the bible is different books, and so doesn't have one meaning for the whole thing, but one meaning in one parable and another meaning in some other incident recorded in it, then the bible as a whole is meaningless, that which can't be understood, god, surpassing understanding.

If rocks and dirt, in other words, chemicals, don't feel pain, and humans are just chemicals, then humans wouldn't feel pain. If rocks and dirt, in other words, chemicals, don't get sick, and humans are just chemicals, then humans wouldn't get sick. If rocks and dirt, in other words, chemicals, don't sleep, and humans are just chemicals, then humans wouldn't sleep, and if they do, it's not the still working and moving and not at rest heart, and still operating lungs, the body, when a human is asleep, that are asleep. If rocks and dirt, in other words, chemicals, don't wake up, and humans are merely chemicals, then humans never wake up. If dust and sand do not operate and function and perform tasks, and humans are simply dust and grains and pebbles, then the human body has never did any work. My favorite stone outback in my yard lost it's life. He was laying there yesterday alive, and then his life left him, and now he is still laying there with none of his parts missing, none of his physical pieces having been lost and having left.

They say they don't want to be around people, that it is only trouble, and irritating, and a fuss and a bunch of drama, and that people are idiots. And then they believe the words of the mainstream, and pop culture, and google, and wikipedia, the words of the group, of humanity, the schools and jobs; they believe what the people say, and believe what those "idiots" believe about medicine and money and relationships. If humanity hasn't gotten life the way you want it after a millennia of attempts, wouldn't you think it's time to hire someone else as your advisors?

Why aren't all the people who won the spelling b's the billionaires, but instead the billionaires are the one's that have ancient pagan symbols that had to do with casting spells on people as their corporations logo? Why aren't all the kids who won their school's science fair the billionaires? The snake charmer uses the music from the magical flute to control the serpent. The circus clown uses colors and performs tricks to capture and hold and keep the kids and crowds attention.

Unfortunately, i don't remember hearing and knowing about the Liturgy of the hours as a Catholic. It is just today when I'm already young adult that I'm starting to know a bit more. My problem is how and where am i going to learn it, and whom i am going to pray it with. Haven't seen it in the church except praying the Rosary.

Matthew 9:10 Jesus reclined.

Being poor is serious. Be serious. 1 is a number. If it is wealth, just write 1 in your pocket and you'll be rich. He wants more of what is good. His personality is good. Now he got 2 personalities instead of 1, and is schizophrenic, trying to eat healthy and rebelling against himself and eating unhealthy. He takes numbers seriously. He doesn't take me seriously. So I'm not math to him, I'm a world that he believes can't exist. Am I correct math, always correct, always serious, never a fantasy, or am I incorrect math, a world in which smarts doesn't equal success? Add 5 days of work together and it equals 5 dollars? 1 thought plus 1 action equals no dollars sometimes, 1 dollar other times, loss of keys, subtraction, at another time.

Tell me your favorite movies and favorite songs so I can us them as bait.

If the earth and moon's and sun's gravitational pulls are all balancing one another so they don't crash into one another, then wouldn't the moon, if it goes and moves around the earth, be closer to the sun at times than it is at others, and wouldn't the moment it moved a little bit closer to the sun, it be breaking out of the spot where the balancing is happening (if I'm balancing on my foot, and the ground gives way, and be removed out from under my foot, wouldn't I lose my balance?), throwing the balancing act off, and making the moon fly of into outer space, like the ground beneath my foot would fly and drop down the sink hole? If the earth and moon's gravitational pulls are both balancing each other out, holding one another in place, then wouldn't the balance, if it makes the moon go around the earth, be balanced and fair, and make the earth equal the moon and also go around the moon as the moon moves around it, and not be imbalanced, giving movement around the other to one, but not movement around the other to the other? Why don't you see any rocks with the amount of gravity needed to make them float ten feet above the roof of your house at 5 o'clock everyday?

You can say to yourself, "Since that object, from that spot (while I was in this spot), at that speed, by that machine, with this same strength wind, at this time, under this exact level humidity, was launched at me and fell an inch short of hitting my face, then today that very same result is going to occur just as accurately as I picture it in my mind," and a seagull, or missile, fly by and knock into that object in mid flight, giving it just the boost it needs to reach your head, or an earthquake could push that machine at the very moment it propels that projectile, an inch closer to you, placing it within range. You would have to factor in everything, in a universe where you can't event count everything, let alone find out what it all will being doing on that day, at that instant, to be doing everything you do by sight and not by faith.

Things start off healthy, and then get bored, and don't want to be what they are anymore. You didn't create your health. You weren't in control of that. Then you tried to be in control, what you weren't when you got your health, and not be the you that you were to get it, one not in control of getting it. Going from interested to bored, you can feel the change in your health. Going from interested, not trying to control, to bored and trying to control things and get yourself interested, you can feel the bogging down from the new work load. Doubting that you are happy doesn't make you happy, it makes you do things you don't want to do, that make you unhappy, to find happiness. Doubt is a grievance with something, grieving it being presented, it's having no hope in it, but hopelessness with it. When he doubts a person can do what he wants him to do, he says to him, "You're hopeless". He feels a grief over him not being able to do what he wants him to do. Doubt is a feeling of unease with a thing. He says, "I don't feel good about this, I doubt it is going to work out for us." He says it doesn't sit right with him. He's not convinced, assured, but is leery, suspicious, paranoid, fearful, paying close attention, tense, inspecting it, serious, not laid back and alright with it, not accepting and just being as is, but rejecting, doing something, laboring, making an effort, not getting to chill, but on the look out, cautious, careful, not carefree and sitting back and relaxing and laughing and going with the flow, but trying to figure things out, taking a test, invested in something, worried about making a mistake, not saying "god got you trapped," with a smile on his face and laughter bubbling up inside and mildly bursting out wildly, adding, "in his safe, so you are safe and not free."

I read chesterton and I become like when I was young. I'm amazed again and not jaded. I'm stunned by what he says and hardly able, if I can at all, hide it and contain it, and can't help but show my almost awe and near shock at it, and can't go on maintaining my put on composure and playing the cool, calm and collected adult role when I hear it. It's like when I was hanging with my boys when I was a teenager and we were happily getting loud and rowdy with one another.

Since you are a thing that dies, trying to stop yourself from dying is not accepting yourself, it's rejecting yourself, not desiring yourself, but despising yourself.

They take problems, not fun and jesting and vacations and resting, seriously, as if problems are a burden to them. They work on themselves, like they are problems for them they are trying to fix and solve, things they hate having to deal with. They take themselves seriously, just as though they are burdens they carry around with them wherever they go. They take vacations happily, not seriously. I'm a vacation and a jest, not things they take seriously. They go out of their way to avoid me, the break and the jesting, and stick to themselves, to what is serious, to what burdens them. Letting go is loss, losing something. Letting go, a loss, makes you feel comfortable, good, like you gained peace and some much required rest was added to your busy schedule. They hate problems, the serious things. They steady stay serious and see themselves as important, as what is serious, as the thing they hate and need in their lives, not as tomfoolery, nonsensical, useless, a waste of time, fun, a pleasure to be around, resting. I don't work on myself, I fool around with myself. I'm not a job, a hassle for me, a heavy burden to take of and finish off once and for all and complete, I'm a joke, humor, a human, playing around, laying still, playing dead, jesting, a jest, the jester, the king and queens colorful showy crowns and gowns, no problem, not serious, but a break, a thing to be taken lightly, not a fix, a task to go through the motions of and to pound and knock out as fast as possible and forget for the rest of the day, to get over, and be done with, on time and as planned and according to schedule. They don't have any time for goofing around. They got time for the serious thing, for the thing that concerns them and makes them stay up at night and lose sleep, for themselves. Resting, the peaceful, is boring to them. They like thrashing around, the dramatic, the scary movie, the horror, trouble, terror, pain, suffering; that gets them going and turns them on and catches their eye and attention and gets them excited and the juices and blood flowing and brings them joy and pleasure and contentment. Peace and quiet bores and saddens them; they are in despair over it. So they give themselves a job to do, a burden to carry out; they place a problem on themselves to solve. That makes them happy and brings tears of joy to their eyes, frightens them and fills them with joy and wonder and leaves them in amazement and awe, like trying to get through a crazy maze on a grand heroic romantic dangerous adventure to rescue the princess from the wicked clown king's hidden lair that's layered with traps set to snatch their souls away from god's rest and play. When you don't care about the drugs and money you'll conserve them without trying to, and not run through them real quick. But when you are very careful with them, you'll be full of cares about them, and blame them for that and so use them up real fast like you got to be somewhere so important instead, thinking that getting rid of them will take away your cares. But you remove them and the carefulness remains, and so you rush to buy or make more in hopes that they will take away you cares and concerns this time around and work on and for you.