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Bipolar Courage
New Zealand
Registrace 19. 08. 2019
"It takes courage to live with bipolar disorder. Bipolar gives me courage." Xanthe Wyse.
Memoir: "Bipolar Courage: are you sure you're not autistic?"
Semiautobiographical novel: "Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice".
Both books focus on relationships with psychiatric disorders/disabilities. Both are on Amazon & major ebook distributors.
Current diagnoses ranked in order of impairment: mental injury of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); bipolar 1 disorder; mild social anxiety disorder; PDD-NOS (autism spectrum features).
Xanthe chose to highlight the most stigmatised diagnosis with her username. She shares ways she manages.
Videos were recorded 2017 - 2024. Bipolar Courage® is a registered trademark.
Xanthe's views from her lived experience and research are no substitute for a clinician's advice (psychiatrist, psychologist); yet her clinicians say she is very insightful.
#bipolar #artist #mood #PTSD #creative #courage #autism #painting #disability #mania #depression #fitness
Memoir: "Bipolar Courage: are you sure you're not autistic?"
Semiautobiographical novel: "Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice".
Both books focus on relationships with psychiatric disorders/disabilities. Both are on Amazon & major ebook distributors.
Current diagnoses ranked in order of impairment: mental injury of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); bipolar 1 disorder; mild social anxiety disorder; PDD-NOS (autism spectrum features).
Xanthe chose to highlight the most stigmatised diagnosis with her username. She shares ways she manages.
Videos were recorded 2017 - 2024. Bipolar Courage® is a registered trademark.
Xanthe's views from her lived experience and research are no substitute for a clinician's advice (psychiatrist, psychologist); yet her clinicians say she is very insightful.
#bipolar #artist #mood #PTSD #creative #courage #autism #painting #disability #mania #depression #fitness
Sound sensitivity from stress. Grief processing.
My name is Xanthe Wyse.
I decided to read out the blog post I wrote, yesterday. About some memories of Dad, who died a year ago this week.
Currently very stressed, which pushes my usually high sensitivity to sound, to pain. The sounds in the kitchen at the other end of the house were irritating me. To the point of being hard to think and speak.
I am diagnosed with the avoidance and shutdown presentation of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It takes me a very long time to process triggering events. I need to feel safe to do so and a little at a time, otherwise, it destabilises my mood (my other primary diagnosis is bipolar disorder).
What has shocked me, is the dismissal of grief for me and my sisters. Like the daughters haven't mattered, at all. I can't detail exactly publicly but it's something I am very upset about.
I've had a lot of gut issues recently (more than usual) from the stress I am currently under.
If you want to read the full blog post and see the photos and paintings, here is the link: www.soarpurpose.nz/blog
I decided to read out the blog post I wrote, yesterday. About some memories of Dad, who died a year ago this week.
Currently very stressed, which pushes my usually high sensitivity to sound, to pain. The sounds in the kitchen at the other end of the house were irritating me. To the point of being hard to think and speak.
I am diagnosed with the avoidance and shutdown presentation of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It takes me a very long time to process triggering events. I need to feel safe to do so and a little at a time, otherwise, it destabilises my mood (my other primary diagnosis is bipolar disorder).
What has shocked me, is the dismissal of grief for me and my sisters. Like the daughters haven't mattered, at all. I can't detail exactly publicly but it's something I am very upset about.
I've had a lot of gut issues recently (more than usual) from the stress I am currently under.
If you want to read the full blog post and see the photos and paintings, here is the link: www.soarpurpose.nz/blog
zhlédnutí: 53
Video
Depression feels like I'm a failure. Low mood, burnout, grief, bipolar, PTSD.
zhlédnutí 73Před 21 hodinou
My name is Xanthe Wyse. Struggling in this video and I didn't want to face the camera. At 11:49 I said ''medications do cure bipolar" but I meant to say "medications don't cure bipolar". There are likely a multitude of factors, including recent triggers and grief. I've been dealing with this for over 30 years,, more than half my life. It's exhausting. Depression for me feels like: - I'm a failu...
Does PTSD affect me more than bipolar disorder? Low mood. Grief. Voice.
zhlédnutí 81Před 14 dny
My name is Xanthe Wyse. My health hasn't been great lately both mentally and physically. Been recovering from an upset tummy. Mood has been low with a lot of triggers lately. I don't feel up to speaking when I am hibernating (avoiding). I don't like to be vulnerable (such as recording a video when I'm not up to it) but I think it's important to show some of the reality. Despite years of treatme...
Struggling. Stigma persists: "lazy dole-bludger'.
zhlédnutí 71Před 21 dnem
My name is Xanthe Wyse. Will take a break from here for a while after this video uploads, as my mental health is poorly currently. Lots of stress and triggers (including the unreasonable control governments have over poor people's lives). I addressed this topic in a few shorts plus a longer video recently. I don't like showing vulnerability (it's actually when most likely to get abuse), so I wi...
WINZ Supported Living Payment, ACC, disabilities & toxic advocacy
zhlédnutí 74Před 21 dnem
My name is Xanthe Wyse and I live in New Zealand. This video is mainly specific to New Zealand but some things are about the online picture. I recorded this video in response to some viewer enquiries, asking me if I'd heard about recent changes the 'Supported Living Payment' from Work & Income (known as WINZ). I loathe political topics but I decided to comment on this. There is politics in both...
Courageous and powerful voice from vulnerability
zhlédnutí 76Před 21 dnem
My name is Xanthe Wyse. Very, very fatigued in this video (mainly from the stress recent bus travel). My primary diagnoses are bipolar disorder (type 1) and post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, which my clinicians also categorise under a 'mental injury'. Speaking is very hard for me, which is one of the reasons I did this vlog. I had mutism in childhood and sometimes in adulthood. I always hav...
Long bus trips with sensory sensitivities & disabilities
zhlédnutí 61Před 21 dnem
My name is Xanthe Wyse. I went on a long bus trip to the city to visit my sister. My main impairment is a mental injury (post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD) and bipolar disorder. I have sensory sensitivities and the first bus was awful because of the stench of poor hygiene by some passengers (in particular, one). In a cramped, poorly ventilated bus. That trip was also delayed, so ended up bei...
Courage to speak up. Voice after mutism. My story in a public hearing.
zhlédnutí 49Před 28 dny
My name is Xanthe Wyse. Sorry, I forgot to turn off the glaring light in the background. Recently, I did something very stressful and difficult. I spoke at a public hearing to decision-makers. Speaking is very challenging for me (I had mutism in childhood & can do at times in adulthood under stress). I told some of my vulnerable story. Why being approved some small arts grants made a difference...
Milestones, avoidance, anxiety, employment with disabilities
zhlédnutí 88Před měsícem
My name is Xanthe Wyse. It's taken me 5 years to reach 1,000 subscribers on this channel. Just a summary of why I started this channel (mainly to address stigma) but also to communicate how I experience things internally versus what my clinicians have said (mainly, observing from the outside). I have a heap of diagnoses but the ones of most clinical significance are post-traumatic stress disord...
Bipolar mania - reacting to comments - part 2
zhlédnutí 147Před měsícem
Bipolar mania - reacting to comments - part 2
Bipolar mania - responding to comments - part 1
zhlédnutí 211Před měsícem
Bipolar mania - responding to comments - part 1
Visual memory, mutism, art, voice, low social capacity.
zhlédnutí 54Před měsícem
Visual memory, mutism, art, voice, low social capacity.
Rant: identity politics has made diagnoses into a mockery
zhlédnutí 107Před měsícem
Rant: identity politics has made diagnoses into a mockery
No point for me to identify as 'autistic' or 'neurodivergent'. Labels are political.
zhlédnutí 80Před měsícem
No point for me to identify as 'autistic' or 'neurodivergent'. Labels are political.
Employment with disabilities. Accommodations. Bullying.
zhlédnutí 40Před měsícem
Employment with disabilities. Accommodations. Bullying.
Reading memoir - part 10 - autism reassessment
zhlédnutí 31Před měsícem
Reading memoir - part 10 - autism reassessment
Reading memoir - part 9 - mutual attraction - bipolar, autistic
zhlédnutí 21Před měsícem
Reading memoir - part 9 - mutual attraction - bipolar, autistic
Reading memoir - part 8 - romantic attraction, autism, mood disorders
zhlédnutí 13Před měsícem
Reading memoir - part 8 - romantic attraction, autism, mood disorders
Reading memoir - part 7 - bipolar mania
zhlédnutí 14Před měsícem
Reading memoir - part 7 - bipolar mania
Reading memoir - part 6 - purpose when depressed
zhlédnutí 14Před měsícem
Reading memoir - part 6 - purpose when depressed
Reading memoir - part 5 - connection when isolated
zhlédnutí 12Před měsícem
Reading memoir - part 5 - connection when isolated
Reading memoir - part 4 - online friendships
zhlédnutí 17Před měsícem
Reading memoir - part 4 - online friendships
Reading memoir - part 3 - autistic community drama
zhlédnutí 22Před měsícem
Reading memoir - part 3 - autistic community drama
Reading memoir - part 2 - autism, bipolar, advocacy
zhlédnutí 31Před měsícem
Reading memoir - part 2 - autism, bipolar, advocacy
Reading memoir - part 1 - childhood autism diagnosis
zhlédnutí 44Před měsícem
Reading memoir - part 1 - childhood autism diagnosis
Hyperfocus working on book themes. Leg jiggler extraordinaire.
zhlédnutí 79Před měsícem
Hyperfocus working on book themes. Leg jiggler extraordinaire.
I shutdown pain. I've had 3 ECGs (no known heart problems).
zhlédnutí 37Před měsícem
I shutdown pain. I've had 3 ECGs (no known heart problems).
The arts for mental health & processing shutdown emotions
zhlédnutí 42Před měsícem
The arts for mental health & processing shutdown emotions
Music to regulate mood. Transformed feeling irritable to feeling upbeat.
zhlédnutí 59Před 2 měsíci
Music to regulate mood. Transformed feeling irritable to feeling upbeat.
Decluttering my mind. Processing. PTSD, bipolar, autism spectrum features.
zhlédnutí 77Před 2 měsíci
Decluttering my mind. Processing. PTSD, bipolar, autism spectrum features.
Wish there was some cure .
Ur not alone stay strong and when you need a day to yourself dont be afraid to do so.
This is the kind of dangerous behavior people with this can end up doing. Yes she had safety glasses, but that broken glass could have cut her seriously and ended up in a hospital for treatment.
@@glitterginger Impulsivity & risk taking can go with elevated mood.
Depression is inhumane to experience,.. you become unable to do anything at all. Its like a mental block. Its absolutely horrible.
I hope you'll feel better soon. People have no right telling you that stuff. Been there, just incredibly happy I got out of that state. I hope you'll be able to say the exact thing soon.
@@silblumi7453 I remember It's temporary. But it's hard. Been dealing with this for over 30 years. It's exhausting.
Thank you for the video..
Depression is so isolating, no-one understands how some days you can function fairly normally and others you can only sleep. You are not lazy, you are sick! I'm so sorry that you have to go through this ❤
@@thothrep my functioning is less than most people on a good day. Lately been having an extra rough time with mental & physical health.
I am here for you xanthe
Xanthe thank you for uploading. I’m sorry to hear about your low mood. I myself am struggling with this after experiencing psychosis. Your channel is very helpful for someone like me so I hope you keep it up. Much love ❤
@@lXxNaTaNxXl thank you. I don't like uploading when extra vulnerable, yet is also captures what it is like.
Totally familiar I just destroyed three doors a few walls and it’s costing a lot of money. 😅
@@svp3rn0v47 I don't destroy stuff that isn't mine to destroy.
I glad to be able to relate with many things. I have also been dealing with bipolar also too .
@@MaraS-vm3fv glad it was helpful
Do you split a little when you do this ? Is it a mild psychosis ?
@@user-sy4ck7gi6y clinicians said on the edge of psychosis. I get dissociation. From my perspective, mania is a form of dissociation.
@@BipolarCourage i’m sure that’s what i’m experiencing. there is some distortion in my reality but I pull myself out of it. it’s like a maladaptive day dreaming. I feel like i’m in a different place with different people. I talk out the thoughts, full blown conversations. I have these episodes on a daily basis.
@@user-sy4ck7gi6y it was like I was in a trance. Including smashing up the stuff. Like aware but on a different level. Psychiatrist asked me if I was in a trance. It was dissociation. More extreme dissociation & I can't hear, see, move. It's different to psychosis. The only hallucinations really were sleep ones when waking up. They were trauma related to me. Delusions were not full-blown but were definitely fed by others. So a lot of anxiety.
@@BipolarCourage can you suppress it around people? or when you need to do something like driving ? or do you find it surfaces a little? i find it hard to stay seated in that state. so if im around people (which i rarely am as j isolate) i fidget in my seat. i think i have got bipolar, its worsened because i am going through perimenopause
@@user-sy4ck7gi6y would be worth talking to a clinician about it.
I really apreciate you being vulnerable like that!
@@elisamasousa3080 I recorded it when in denial of bipolar diagnosis & processing trauma stuff creatively. Unfortunately things spun out of control (not filmed).
What does not show in this video is how lonely this illness makes us. Most people try a bit to put up with the disease , but eventually everyone walks away.
@@UlyssesZopol It's a weird thing where people are drawn to me when I have moderately elevated mood. Feed off my energy. Then reject me when things are clearly too much to handle. I do have a few friends since childhood who accept me. Rarely see my friends though.
@@BipolarCourage Nobody, except my nuclear family, knows that I live with bipolar disorder, some friends know that I have "recurring depression" but all else stays hidden. That said, I haven't had a real manic episode in a long time, due to taking lithium. And yet, all the shame, all the hiding when I am in a mixed state (like these days), all the exhaustion when I am depressed, and all the stupid things I have done and wrong decisions I have taken all this heavy burden stays with me and me only.
@@UlyssesZopol it's definitely exhausting. Most people with bipolar disorder don't have mania.
I will say that hair cut, tattoo and outfit ate
@@julianjones4017 perhaps I am getting old, but I had to look up what "ate" as slang meant.
Hello. How deeply have you looked into your PTSD? Have you had memories resurfacing? It seems to me that you focus too much on bipolar and autism when trauma may be more important?
@@Sofia_no_secrets PTSD is actually my main diagnosis. Been having treatment with a clinical psychologist for 5 years. Bipolar disorder type 1 is actually my second most impairing diagnosis. Clinicians say in my case, can still come under trauma. My autism features are considered mild. More prominent in childhood.
Bipolar patients experience so much rejection. I hope this video shows people how terrifying this illness can be for bipolar patients. Thanks for posting it.
@@c.brownell8618 There is still so much stigma, so thank you for your comment.
@@c.brownell8618 My daughter suffers from bipolar disorder. She is herself a clinical psychologist. But she becomes helpless when episodes occur. You know everything but can do nothing.
Understanding life is the only medication
You are such a beautiful soul, I relate more than you could imagine. I feel less alone somehow, thank you.
@@goblingimp195 Thanks. It's hard for me to speak up & it's exhausting. Glad it helps to make a difference.
There are definitely people who could work, and should work, but do not. But, there are people who require assistance where they struggle to find employment or have limited capacities due to physical, mental or intellectual conditions. A friend of mine is wheelchair-bound via spina bifida at birth, and he struggles to find anywhere to work. Some of this is his own doing, as he isn't motivated to study to specialized qualifications where his disability wouldn't be a workplace liability or disqualifier. But, even if he had a qualification, he would face discrimination because from a workplace perspective, he's more complex to hire and house in a workplace environment. My own experience, I am on supported living. I have been on that for a minute, for Crohns and a few mental health related conditions (Bipolar/Cyclothymia w/anxiety panic etc.), but I'm turning to trades to change my situation around as best as possible, so I get it from both perspectives. It's not an easy fix either way. Our economy would be better if everyone could/did work, but it's not black/white either way
@@loganmcauslin9430 appreciate the nuance. I do work part-time with accommodations but it's not easy. I have been targeted for bullying, it's hard to find something suitable in the first place. I do a low paid job which has nothing to do with the qualifications I earned in my 20s. I worked fulltime, with difficulty, I my 20s. Things worsened for me since then. I have come across people who could work but don't. Used to know someone who admitted to deliberately blowing interviews because she wanted to watch cricket all day rather than work. The discrimination carries over to finding somewhere to live. It's hard enough to find a room to rent in the first place. Then knocked back as as soon as find out I an on WINZ. I guess I don't look like the stereotype of a beneficiary.
@BipolarCourage It's probably the assumption that if you look clean and / or presentable, you're at least on the living wage. Compared to the stereotype of the older and rougher looking person who smokes and drinks and has (insert stereotype problem here) kind of lifestyle. Either way, we do what we can
@@loganmcauslin9430 I am not actually on a living wage. I am on way lower than a full time minimum wage equivalent, even with my part-time job.
@@BipolarCourage Hence why I said assumption based on your appearance
@@loganmcauslin9430 oh, sorry, I misread that. People are also usually shocked that I am my 50s too.
thank you soo much, for being an advocate for these individuals. You're rare, 1-of a kind. Bless you sweetheart.❤️
thank you. Very burnt out currently, so will try have a rest from here for a bit
thx for the reply. you do what you need to do sweetheart.
@@keymeter1917 sweetheart? Lol
Love and solidarity <3
Just letting you know what is currently happening, people who are on the Supported Living Payment are calling out the changes made to the Supported Living Payment in terms of obligations which now include the traffic lights, prepare for work, take part in work ability assessments and take part in services with service providers, what happened was Russell Brown noticed that what was applied to the Jobseeker Payment was also done to the Supported Living Payment and began to raise the alarm
My interpretation from the WINZ website is that "some" people will indeed be affected. Note that those on supported living payments are allowed to work part-time, below thresholds.
@@ErichRaeder MSD have made a clarifying comment on their Facebook page, saying some people on SLP have an obligation to *prepare* for work. Linked to the same web page I did.
@@BipolarCourage understood
Why doesn’t the Grov reword it. Pm said we will made you go. Instead come to a seminar, have cuppa tea and get support. What he should have said. National did this before.
@@mummylilbear6088 i have seen some disability advocacy groups saying there is no worry about the change to the supported living payment, lately i have seen people like Huhana and etc call out the changes made to the supported living payments as well, i have noticed some disability advocacy groups want zero discussion in the changes made
kudos to you for this.
I had to block my daughter. When I seen you its took me back to her. I love her but she wil not let no one help her. And talking about removing toxic people out of her life but here the thing no one is toxic. She has destroyed our family. , this is sad I am about to cry. This is so sad
@@Mythoughtonpoliticaltopics I was very vulnerable in this video. Just calling people "toxic" helps no one. You may not be able to support your daughter but I hope someone can.
It would be awesome for you to work out in some more athletic clothes for more mobility and stretch! You are doing great!
was wearing my baggy trackpants. Needed some extra layers as this house is freezing cold.
@@BipolarCourageI see haha! Great work
I need to do something like this!
@@obsidian1109 I don't like how I look (bloating etc) but I am pretty strong. Resistance bands are inexpensive & don't take up much space.
Getting a tattoo and cutting down your hair... i wouldnt consider as an impulsive thing.
@@yzzy1966 I was never interested in a tattoo. Definitely was a mania thing for me (got a few years before time of the video). My (now) ex (multiple tattoos) was shocked yet for it & also said to get a navel piercing (which I did). Definitely impulsive & out of character for me. My hair was like a security blanket & I am more likely to have it shorter when feel more confident. Feeling more confident goes with elevated mood. For other people, these things are ordinary & insignificant. To me, a big deal.
It's summer
@@VegetaandGoku_Gaming winter in New Zealand
The forse is strong in this one.
@@obsidian1109 what do you mean?
@BipolarCourage it's Star Wars. The person has great potential.
@@obsidian1109 yes figured was Star Wars but didn't know if it was intended as a compliment or an insult.
@BipolarCourage my wife is Bipolar 1 and we are struggling. That's why I was here. No disrespect.
@@obsidian1109 thanks for the clarification. Hope some of my content is helpful.
that's the fun stage!
You're hot
Attention seeker
Try a reverse pullup next !
Never been able to do a pull-up or chin up in my life, even in my younger & thinner days. Taken weeks to get to this point. At beginning stages of negative push-ups .
Keep it up! Elastic bands are next
Like the release of the stretch, so have been coming back regularly to try a dead hang.
Also, when it comes to sorting out what symptoms are giving you issues here or there, labels are only really useful from a medicative setting. or separately in an explanatory sense if you don't have any crossover Trauma can cause anxiety, anxiety disorders can cause anxiety, mood disorders can cause anxiety... Be kind to yourself. People can meet criterion, but working out how to make it better matters more than what it's called. Is it good to know that a diagnosis can potentially explain an experience? Of course. But, that's only like 10% of the work in reality
@@loganmcauslin9430 The "usefulness" in my case is that some of these diagnostic labels help with my benefit which is my main income, my funded therapy & my mostly subsidised restricted prescription medications. Without any of these, I would be dead. No exaggeration. Some of the diagnoses are next to useless though.
Advocacy and politics go hand to hand, unfortunately. It becomes more about holding a moral monopoly or monopoly on identity, than it does about purely helping people who are shunned for existing or having ailments/disorders. Advocacy is best at it's purest, when it's simply allowing others to be treated like anyone else
@@loganmcauslin9430 Advocacy can be powerful, such as the advocacy I was involved in which influenced governments in two countries to make a major reform. Called by world leaders the biggest reform in a generation, naming the group I founded (online) not knowing 2 of the grassroots volunteers were later diagnosed bipolar disorder. It can also be toxic with the politics (there was so much stress & drama with that with several people trying to take it over & derail it). Then all the online stuff with diagnoses etc. I wrote some of the drama stuff (aiming to make it mostly entertaining) into my memoir.
@@BipolarCourage have you seen what the New Zealand Government have done to people on the supported living payment, so basically the supported living payment is now just another version of the jobseeker support with work ability assessments, prepare for work and even taking part in activities with service providers assigned by the MSD. The mentality i encountered is something like autism groups wanted no discussion, these changes are serious and open people up to consequences which can be intended or unintended
@@ErichRaeder no I haven't seen that. Do you have more information? Only difference at this stage really is it's 2 year medical certificates rather than 3 months. A "permanent" disability to them is 2 years.
@@BipolarCourage it’s on the MSD website, i have also caught on that the disability or autism groups want no discussion on the changes made to the supported living payment and have already been accused of posting misinformation
@@ErichRaeder thanks for informing me of that. I will look into it. I loathe politics but sometimes need to have a voice on matters. Incidentally, it was me who founded an advocacy movement who brought about what official leaders of Australia & New Zealand said was the biggest reform in a generation. I founded Oz Kiwi. A collaboration of strangers across the ditch. I got banned from it when passed it on to others. Others still take the credit. Saw the other day a stranger spouting that a man founded it. He didn't. Just muscled his way in like several others. I never want to do anything like that again (politics is ugly) but I am no longer afraid to speak up. Even though it's hard.
i meant to emoji the previous comment, but i'm relatively new to this. 🥰🧡💐
I luv your stuff. I find your videos enlightening, interesting, & therapeutic . much admire your experience. your story is different to most run of the mill types.!
@@keymeter1917 thanks. Meanwhile, I had just seen some videos about a young guy who had extraordinary courage after having half his body (waist down) amputated.
I have same condition but I am less expressive then you
@@Darkinforcer1 I am only outwardly expressive when mood extremely elevated.
Get a hold of yourself this is ridiculous behavior and it’s attention seeking
@@akferren1 thanks for being judgemental of severe mental illness - not. Stigma persists.
You can't just stop it. Bipolar is a real thing. And the things in this video are truth 💯. So maybe you need to get a hold of yourself, dont speak on nothing you dont know about. Go and actually do research .if you think its under are control its not. You never know what a person is going through so just be kind. If you dont like it keep scrolling. No judgemental comments needed
Interesting. Very good video. Many thanks.🙏🏼
Interesting & enjoyable. Thank you. 🧡
I'm listening to hear the explanation as to why you'd not still qualify, as an autistic adult that was unexpectedly late-diagnosed. While certainly not nearly as frequent as many I know of deal with them, I have had to deal with meltdowns, at least one spectacular oddball shutdown, and autistic burnout. The curious thing is those aren't explicitly listed as part of the autistic spectrum in the DSM, but they do seem almost certain to exist as what can happen to those of us with autistic neurology. I have many forms of neurodivergence, but none count as mental illnesses, and I strongly suspect (but seems impossible to prove definitively) that enables me to not get too stressed out from exceeding my window of tolerance readily: I'm really rather laid back, which I suspect most people wouldn't expect to hear as a way of describing anyone on the spectrum.
@@strictnonconformist7369 a psychiatrist said I am "definitely on the spectrum" yet subthreshold to ASD diagnosis. In my currently pinned video, about autism reassessment, I read out the sections of my memoir related to this. My features were actually more prominent in childhood.