Last week I took 1003 head shots and portraits for the Creative Cubes CoWorking space community in Melbourne :) I can’t think of another time where I met and photographed such a huge variety of people in a single shoot. After day one I started to notice a pattern in people’s behaviour. Things that I already knew on some level… but this time they were shown to me repeatedly in a short time and with much more clarity.
Having your photograph taken, especially by a professional, is an act of courage. I used to avoid it all the time thinking “I don’t look good in photographs.” I felt very exposed and incredibly open to judgement. Do you remember professional photography at school? For me it involved being forced into a pose from the 80’s under bland AF lighting then believing that this is the best I’d ever look in a photograph. This wasn’t exactly an exercise in building my self confidence. I ended up disliking the way I looked in some of these photos so much that I literally ripped them up so nobody would ever see them. Later in life I realised that in reality… I just hadn’t ever had a nice photograph taken of me. A nice photograph meaning: beautiful light, pleasing composition, the right moment, the right mood, an outfit for my body type, a high quality lens, a sensible focal length, authentic post production. Quick question, how much of this stuff is about you as the subject vs you as the photographer? No seriously.. think about that then read on.
I spent so much of my life judging myself based on these shitty photographs and I actually believed my own self judgment. Why did I do that? Because my false negative beliefs were updated and reinforced every single year during my most awkward years as a human being.
Did I mention that I grew up in an era where pop up flashes would enhance every pimple. And washed out skin with red blemishes were created in photos out of thin air. Camera technology back in that time did not help with my insecurities like the swipe of an Instagram filter.
Now that I have a few photographs of myself that I love, I also know that sometimes I look absolutely terrible in photographs and sometimes I look dope - in a quietly humble and self loving way of course. But most importantly I know that ‘looking good’ in a photograph isn’t 100% my responsibility as a subject at all. It’s closer to 10%. Start thinking about how awesome you look in the photographs that you love rather than how terrible you look in the ones you hate.If you find yourself saying to yourself “I don’t like having my photograph taken” - now by you simply knowing that it could take a small act of courage to do it, would you be more likely or less likely to do it? And secondly, have you ever asked yourself why you don’t like seeing yourself in photographs? For me the answer was simply about coming to an understanding that it’s an outdated negative belief formed by a memory that needs to be re-visited and updated with your current wisdom. I did this “re-visiting” myself, in my mind. And you can to!
So given that little story I appreciate the members at Creative Cubes for trusting me to create their portrait! If I’m able to give you a photograph of yourself that you truly love then I have used one of my gifts to its full potential. Super grateful to have met so many straight up legends over two days. Thank you.
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danielbilsborough
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