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Thank you. Your message helped me understand & set the foundation towards healing.

After numerous attempts. At communiction you are equàly invested id go get some supplimental because chances are she already has

I’m not a light switch…..ok leave the switch off forever. Roommates suck

Causes of a sexless marriage? Marrying the woman lol

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I took her back to save her life. I was not as traumatized by her cheating as that I had no choice, but to stay. I felt so trapped and devastated that I didn't eat or stop shaking for a month (on the bright side I lost 35 lbs). She insisted it was weird and she somehow the victim, not a normal affair. Now many years later after drilling down to the undeniable truth, it was a very typical affair. Now that I finally have a plausible story, my mind can rest. That's good, the bad part is knowing she was more in control of this affair relationship than her lover boy, and could have ended before it ended in crisis. I don't see her the way I use too..

He said he felt single when leaving for work. Give me a break!! he did it twice and one affair lasted 11 years. I won't go back even though he is a affair program.

The best solution is to quit drinking not to reduce it. We have more capacity to stop drinking because alcohol is not our natural need. It’s easier to make a decision when you’re sober than when you’re drunk

Cheaters have no empathy, an overwhelming sense of personal entitlement, are arrogant and uncaring. That will never change so they will always cheat if they feel that they need a pick-me-up.

what about sexual abuse for a man ? who was sexually abused by his mother. Does EMDR help? med has not help with getting hard . I am at a loss

So selfish.

Thankyou sir, you gave me hope.

Keep going to the top

Part of having him go plain crazy and unlocking his primal impulses is a result of speaking out just the right words. Yes, where to begin? Celestine Dessike's latest (go'ogle her) takes you by the hand if you really want to cut out all the guesswork and get him going!

Thanks Todd. I’m going to have my first EMDR session tomorrow. (I’m the betrayed, male spouse) I really hope this helps…it’s been too difficult for too long.

When I found out, I was on a mission, I became obsessed. I didn't sleep, yet I had energy and rage fueling me. I first went to her workplace and looked for her. Everyone knew who I was and were gobsmacked. They didn't know where she or her partner was or they just lied. I knew better than to believe them. I let them know that I was looking for him and I wanted to have a talk with him. I then went to the general manager and let her know that I knew. I also said that such a situation under her roof would be bad for morale and that she should have a talk with both of them. together or individually, it didn't matter. I turned on the charm and asked her to address it at her earliest opportunity. She agreed and we shook hands and I left. All of my senses were heightened, I felt as if my blood was about to burst through my veins. I cornered the coworker who facilitated the affair for them and let her know that I would not stop and let him know that I was coming. Suddenly, I started getting multiple texts from my wife begging for me to talk to her.. alternately, she would call me in hope of reaching me. I ignored them all. I finally called my wife, she hadn't answered the phone that fast since we first started dating. She asked me where I was...I responded that I was everywhere and nowhere at once. She started to crack on the phone; I finally asked her if there was something that she had to tell me... because I was not the fool she thought I was. She was at a loss for words, a rare thing for her. I told her there's something that I have to do and before she could say anything else, I hung up. During the exchange, I was walking into her affair partner's apartment building and right up to his door. I relied on my breathing techniques I learn through meditation to center myself, clear my mind, and to fortify my purpose. I knocked, I didn't think she would be there, I don't think I would have cared. He answered, I let myself in with the coldest smile I had and surveyed the scene of the " crime " He didn't take long to start singing like a canary with me in front of him . I got up and headed for the door. Suddenly, he tried to act brave, trying to gaslight me, he was contradicting himself left and right. I let him know that I already spoke to his boss and everyone knows I will return if necessary. He stopped talking...as if trying to catch his breath. I told him to stay away from my family... namely my son or I would return. I opened the door and said, " See you around " with a smile. He didn't move. Behind the door, I could hear him cursing over and over. He resigned the next day..she quit the following day..I didn't care. That was almost twenty years ago. The worst punishment you can give someone is to leave them to their own devices.

Its simple: cheats want both. The love and support of a relationship and the excitement and validation of spontaneity with someone different.

My husband still wants to go to the church where the emotional affair partner goes. It’s killing me. He seems so happy when he gets to go because I give in to his pouting, but then I’m just getting destroyed and dreading every Sunday. The church also minimizes the situation. My faith is getting very harmed because I feel like the bad guy and that everyone is against me now. I feel so stupid that I can’t just leave. I’m attached and dependent on him. I feel like such a loser and ugly and uneducated, because I compare myself with the other woman. He most likely has undiagnosed autism which makes it even harder; he can’t see my perspective and calls me crazy and minimizes the fact that he “only took her out to lunch” with his ring off… Sorry for the rant. I just want to not hurt anymore. I wish I could build a life under the same roof and not think of any of this. I’ve asked him to please not mention the church or anybody there and let me just pretend it never happened. That plan has not gotten off the ground very well, as he gets contacted by people often and invited places by them. They’re all a trigger to me now. Does anyone have a suggestion of one or two things I can do just get up and move forward? I feel like my chest has been blown out.

Sadly far too often, when it’s a male initiator (who’s not making an unreasonable amount of advances), and a female rejecting, its written off as men being too horny or always wanting sex. This really exponentiates the shame the man is feeling.

the problem with this video and this advice is that you are under the impression that the millions of men out there are not talking to their partners about their lack of intimacy, well most people do talk about it and nothing gets resolved, so a better video would be what to do in that instance and not in your miracle cure for one man but not his wife.

After cheating the relationship can really "work" again for the cheater. For the cheated party (except for spouses who remain married but don't actually care if their spouse cheats or not for various reasons) it "works" when s/he swallows the tough pill for the family. This, in case they have some self respect because there are people with no self respect whatsoever. Those are lost causes and no matter how much the cheater cheats they aren't leaving.

There are types and types of cheaters. The worst are the ones who are like "I am quite happy with my life with my husband/wife but I cheat for the thrill and excitement". You cannot find a worst type because they give absolutely no s**t about their partner.

My husband shows no remorse!! He actually changed completely!! I’m living with a stranger 💔

Thank you for this video. There is a children's book called The Sky is Red by Tyra Juliette Schwartz that is a great way to talk with young kids about gaslighting in an age appropriate way. I found it on Amazon. It encourages children to trust their instincts and to hold onto what they know is true, even if pressured not to. Great resource for this exact topic.

Innovations. Creativity.

Narcissists don’t change because it’s an evil entity. They don’t change they just get better at hiding it.

Narcissists don’t change because it’s an evil entity. They don’t change they just get better at hiding it.

This is true psychopathic cheating is a whole other level, people that make mistakes are different and maybe able to work it out, if it’s a psychopath, run far and disappear

I do this with dinner.

He's describing "avoidant attachment"

You are a nice guy, and that’s cool to see therapists like that in the world.. 🤘🏼🖖🏼

Where can I see the rest of this talk please?

Dont touch sexually for 1 year before marriage. Just to see if you like each other. Our forefathers knew the truth. Over sexualized people are sick

😅😅😅

Sex is not on my mind at all …time is too precious to be spent on this activity ….😁

I think it can make a huge difference if, as you suggest, people expand their understanding of what "sex" can include.

“The spouse that was betrayed is 100% not responsible.” One minute later: “could the betrayed spouse have created an environment where blah blah blah”. So, uh, maybe 95% then? Jesus. Lets blame and claim not to blame.

A non-sociopathic cheater? Hahahahahaaaaaa. Stop…dude stop, you’re killing me….hahaaaa

Thank you Todd, this video hit home for sure! A book that I found very helpful to understand past patterns 'Velvet Rage'.

I have a tip for all the therapists peddling the “marriage can be saved” crap. If you really really want to do a service to society, spend the first 5 years after infidelity focus 100% on the victim of cheating and stop this garbage about the cheater. Let them suffer horribly. Make every conversation about pain and the damage they created. Then after the 5 years is up, recommend the victim divorce the cheater. The cheater needs to feel the full, lifelong weight of their betrayal. Whoever tells you their relationship is better, is lying. I’ve seen the “get over it” marriages. They’re broken beyond repair, and they admit to openly lying to their therapists.

The cheater doesn't care they are not sorry. Never said sorry either èven while dying. Been gone 5 years now still get ptsd days. I wasn't getting my needs met he was impotent and tried blaming me he was a narcissist as well. I stayed because he cheated overseas but I rang the woman and told her she could have him. Seen he cheated. She had no idea we had a handicapped child. Selfish woman and thoughtless. She knew he was married. I didn't forgive him either. 46 years married and I wasted years because he was not easy to live with. Its absolute betrayal.

I can't remember the last time I kissed a woman...its been at least 25+ years

I dont care how a cheater feels after cheating on their spouse.

I broke up with my ex dec 18, 2 years ago. Just recently found out she is having a 2nd kid. I’m ok with it, I just haven’t moved past the grieving, resentful part I do feel stuck in it. I want to not be bitter, & forgive her. & also the shame of not making good decisions while receiving the revelations, & I definitely got locked into contempt in anger, I asked her to go to therapy she said we not married & we already have to go to couples therapy, after a house fire during Covid & 3 deaths, she was out drinking doing drugs & cheating living a double life. It was so distasteful but I definitely took the opportunity to dig deeper I had that ego death, but I’m stuck at the grieving part still I think.

It’s somewhat unsettling that this video is made in what looks like a bedroom, not an office. This distracts from the message.

What if my partner is struggling to break the affair? And is still holding onto our marriage?