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Female nature is herself above all eles at the expense of you.

The number of 5-6 must also consider the number of sexual encounters which may be substantial with each partner .. so sexual interest from one partner may fade …

Bingo.

Hello! I've been struggling with comparing myself to my boyfriend's ex for some time. I recently purchases both your books, and have seen a few videos of yours. My question is regarding pictures and images that elicit emotional responses. My fiancé has a picture of him, his best friends, and all their girlfriends at the time at a banquet. They're all dressed like they are going to prom. Him and I had a huge ridiculous argument over this, he tried to tell me he wasn't happy to be there, but all the pictures say otherwise. Moral of the story, how can I let this go? I think I'm jealous because I wish it was me in that picture, not her. I wish it was me he was smiling with and had his arms around, not her. I never had a chance to go to high school, and he dated her all throughout high school. as you've described before, I guess I don't feel like I measure up to her because of the shared experiences they had, that him and I never could. Please help!

Hey, i have alot of intrusive thoughts about imaginary scenarios that i know havent happened or aren’t real and when i tell myself its just rj and don’t think about it i feel like im just accepted it as real. How do you deal with this?

I had retroactive jealousy with an ex and I was absolutely paranoid that he was still inlove with her, but it turns out I was right He continued to try and call her several times and stalk her with fake FB accounts to try and contact her while we were togther. I know this, because she ended up trying to contact me in order to let me know.

I love this video…It speaks to me because I’m not a particularly jealous man and I’m still not. I’ve been married to my wife for well over twenty years and for some reason I only have an issue with one man from her past…And it’s solely because of his nationality/ethnicity…This is because of the issues and friction between the two communities… Even though this past relationship was before I knew her I still feel like she slept with the enemy…. I know it’s irrational yet it still bothers me to this day and I think how could she have dated a man from that country???? This helps me understand that I’ll never understand and to accept this fact……

‘Sufferers?’ Oh no Guys… it’s giving sexual oppression hey… not good. This piece is too long winded for anybody that needs it. It’s a covert, mindless and misogynistic attempt at justifying male fragility… it’s so centrally focused on the justification of the toxic male male gaze, it makes me feel sorry for all heterosexual women.. scared for our future even. Men… (not only men I guess…but particularly…M) need to stop objectifying women as if they’re vessels for sex. If you are fixated on your partner’s sexual past you are either insecure or trying to figure out how you got an STD. Either way, find the right professional to address your issues and get over your masculine fragility. Also, perhaps consider asking a girl how knows?

Thankyou, you are a quality human!

One thing that is quite repetitive in this and other videos is the relevance of your partner at least accept he/she made mistakes (as everybody else), regret it, learn from it and then, follow on with his/her life. Problem is when your partner simple dont see those night stands etc as mistakes. See the huge difference here?

Key values difference is a MAJOR problem in my relationship. In the past I was totally mislead assuming that, as long me and my wife grew up in similar family context, same religion, and even same formation (we are both Engineers), than our values and beliefs would automatically be the same. Basic values determine to a great extend what people find it ok to do about their lives, what is right and wrong and so on. If I could get back in time (30 years!) I would be more carefull with this, and definitely ask more direct question on key aspects. Example: What is your position about abortion? How do you see casual sex? When people have values and beliefs in the "right place" it is easier for them to at least accept that they made mistakes in the past.

I met my partner when she was 39. We both lived in a smallish town. I travelled the world for over 10 years. My partner tells me she has slept with 19 guys and im struggling to believe her. I have found out she has slept with people just for fun. This is all killing me and making me depressed that i am now on tablets. Can anyone help.

Most people in the Western societ hold the same values and beliefs, and therefor we shoul be more specific. My question is if there is a minimum number of misaligned beliefs that would be considered a ref-flag. In my case, my wife believea its fine to have sex with boyfriends etc. I dont think it is. She thinks abortion is ok. I totally dont think so. All other values and biliefa the same. Please advise. Being on this situation for almost 30 years.

Very sound advice.

If we all followed the advise provided by the Bible as regard as care with our on bodies, no one would be involved in this much of suffering. Isnt that so?

Thanks this makes alot of sense. Did the same thing when i was struggling with death anxiety. I was always trying to solve it and understand it and that made it really hard to shake.

My partner just recently openup about his past relationship in detail after we recently got married. For him its not a big deal and because he values our relationship so much he never thought of sharing his past in details. And he finally did one day. He just casually said about those details. And the way it hit me is just so heartbreaking. I lost appetite for so many weeks. I am trying so hard to get over it but the constant thoughts visualization keeps bothering me. I ask questions after questions. My mind is not stable on this regard. Because of it we had so many arguments too. My mind is now too sensitive these days. The problem is definitely me here.

My experience with rj is, the less you know the better, for me personally because i know a lot of sutuff about my ex past, it has to end i become hateing her about it, if is possible not to know anything i mean anything, your mind can’t play the movies..

Hey, i have struggled with this for a while now and started to look at your videoes and learnt alot but one thing i struggle with is my subconscious limiting beliefs. I feel like i can tell myself that i dont believe it but still get an ill feeling or anxiety when i do. Does this feeling or these beliefs go away when the anxiety from the thoughts is gone?

Im sorry but its no ones responsibility to take on someone who has little control and self respect. If a woman has had a promiscuous past, make your decision wisely because if a man is ultimately responsible for a woman given that in break up a woman is more likely to leave, with potential to take everything you have depending on the level of relationship, then understand that if this is your outcome, you the man will be responsible. Remember, we all are required to do background checks with applying for credit and jobs for a reason, this is no different. All women, yes all will lie and withhold information about herself. So take everything eith a pinch of salt and focus on yourself. The rest will follow.

I'm suffering from this pain for a month although my partner is totally perfect dince we got married but I couldn't move on . Considering leaving and I am staying foot in and out

My current guy is ruining our connection because he thinks he doesn't deserve me and has low self esteem. I get a lot of attention, but I am quite shy with men. His mind, humour and care drew me to him, but he is so passive with me I know it won't last. I hope my attention at least boosts his ego a bit ❤😊 Looks are very subjective. I don't like a 6 pack, for example.

THANK YOU ZACH

No religion for me, be good to other people..

If I am able to find out where the thought/belief is originating from, how do I really work to change it?

For any Female that needs to hear this…..I PROMISE U….When a Man TRULY loves you ….on rainy days it looks like sunshine….No other Female exist in his mind….Its almost like he never experienced touching another….Its hard to believe but….The last thing on his mind is what he has experienced before meeting you…..almost like you are the beginning of his time ….

The issue is her not being the sloooty girl she was in the past, how you end up with the BJ queen in college. Yet she has virgin lips for you

You are incorrect that no good relationship ever ended in break up. Hyper religious parents broke my wife and I up, and we got back together when we were old enough to move out

Being Love is the answer ❤ Wonderful meditation.

What if you feel your wife had a 12 course meal before you but not with you?

I’ve asked so many questions and the answers always end up creating more anxiety and lead to more questions that have nothing to with her and I today, in this moment. Does she make me happy? Yes. Do I make her happy? Yes. So what does my past matter? What does her past matter today? Right now. Matters not a bit. There is no threat, only threat is the one my mind creates. It’s taken me way too long to finally realize there is no magic answer she can give. The issues are mine and little by little I’m learning to chose how i respond to triggers big and small. Your insight has helped tremendously Zach. Appreciate all your do to help with this strange mindfuck we that suffer with RJ put ourselves through.

You can learn alot from your partner's past. It's incredibly naive to treat it separate from how you could be treated

I don’t mind a high number, my case is kind of unique. I feel like my gf had an unusually high number in a short amount of time. Is that reasonable to ask? I mean I’ve gone wild after a breakup too but I just wonder how that number bounces up

Thank you, Zach! You have no idea how profound and helpful this is to me.

Zach, my girlfriend said me one day when i asked out her, she sai she had lip kisses, and b**b lickings, and fingerings p**sy, and hugging, and kisses with her ex, but she saying she' s a virgin yet and i want to know if that past things i telled you before, are they ok for continue our relationship ?

I find it so hypocritical though?

Hey, Zach... Thank you for everything! I need to reveal my trigger. She answered my question while I was lying next to her in bed... it was just 2 questions looking straight into her eyes: Have you ever had sex with 2 people at the same time? She replied yes. I asked: How many times? She said: 2 times... at that moment, I waved to her that a sword was going through my chest... the next day, I was immersed in OCD Retroactive Jealousy (mental movies, constant ruminations, non-stop)... Yeah. Is it possible to really overcome this? I need to know...

As a RJ sufferer for many years through different relationships you don't want / need to know her number. When you met her did it bother you thinking of how many people she had been with? Probably not, you were thinking more about the future you would have with her. I told my girl from the start we are never having that conversation, I still wonder but I wouldn't be ok with any number so I'd rather not know.

Absolutely...

He spoke too much. Start from 3:40 that’s where the meat is

This is the first time I admitted that I am an RJ sufferer. I just have a different point of view and nobody is the same. Some men can marry a hooker or a porn star but not everyone is like that. The pain and anxiety are real and mood swings happening from time to time. I am working hard to rid of this RJ so I can enjoy our relationship even more.

But hey! imagine this, after all the experiences she still chose you. Hold on to her forever and never let go if she loves you the way you do. 😊

There’s a lot worse than wasting time and that’s doing the wrong things.

So you want guys to trick themselves into being ok with their girlfriend's "past" aka "hoe phase"

My gf said her number was 6. As time went on, 3 more were added but it was just one time only. Sure. But they were all guys she knew, so that makes it better. I guess. So I think American pie was right when they said, take her admitted number, multiply by 3 and add 3. So her real number is probably in the high 20s. Just my opinion

Hi Zachary. I'm exactly at that level, as you mention in your video. Thanks to your videos and your books... but I want to overcome this condition once and for all. As you say, I don't just want to control the symptoms... unfortunately I'm not yet fluent enough to have your full help with your 1 to 1 course. I want freedom!

🙏🏻

When I try to stay busy gardening, doing crafts, etc. I find myself still ruminating....

By « intrudes » you mean « having instructive thoughts »? Or is it « tremors » intruding in you relationship, like past hookups calling her to get laid?