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Hello from Thailand, I realized I'm autistic at 34 and now I'm 36, got to this video by suggested by watching Kyle Hill's stuff and autistic youtube channels. I thank you for encouraging people to look at autism in a more nuanced way and I personally also don't view it as a superpower as each strength is a struggle in another context and vice versa. It's so baffling to realize how much effort I put in to hiding my traits to survive, finally getting answers on why I was so extreme in a lot of ways that it hurt others with a caveman survival effort. Coming to peace with my spikey skill set and inconsistency in performance, I'm comparing myself as a car having a big engine but with tyres that are not suitable for the road. I've been reading encyclopedias and college textbooks for fun at age 10 while also being seen as the kid who's in his own world, despite being a B+ student overall I had a hard time with executive function, and retaining attention in classes I felt pointless, and of course bully incidents. Hyperfocus in adult life is like Russian roulette, it's either getting work done with speed & quality while risking interruption and lose everything, or remain flexible for interruptions but significantly reduced focus on tasks. Cheers

I agree with you. Autism is anything but a superpower, it's far from it. It's a disorder that impairs every aspect of life. I hate how disabled I am and how I didn’t develop like a normal child. I was diagnosed in childhood but at age 9. It would be so nice if I could get cured out of the bad aspects of Autism. I also have learning disabilities. I also got anxiety and clinical depression. My special interests can be disabling and cause people to loose interest in me quickly because I repeat the same topics over and over. It sucks!

I hate having Autism.

This is a comment i write BEFORE having watched your video (the title alone triggers me) so be prepared when reading this: I have had and still have hardships in my life because of Asperger and the way i was treated whole of my life - but i also have reason to "believe" (i chose those words wisely) that Asperger is a super-power IF you can stand the "stress". In my case it is combined with Morbus Bechterew (Spondylitis Ankylosans), due to the "satanic" behavior of my birth-mother (and no - i am in no way religious - it's an "idiom" in this specific case). Short version: I think "we" (Aspergers) "enrich" people - (i guess due to my "disease/disorder") i am more inclined to see what people actually do, than what they "mean" to do and by "clarifying" that they "actually don't" (in behaving the way they do) is "actually helping" - them and us. I guess, it takes a "street life" to recognize that - and, yes it is hard - but none the less i am happy and proud to have chosen to get "the full experience" because it "makes me stronger". I am able to explain my youngest daughter the hardships "along the way". Able to "reflect". And i am "able" to stop using QUOTES in "normal conversations" to point out that there is a "special relationship" going on ... YKNOW ... P.s.: I "WILL" watch your video at some time and "maybe" i will revert my comment by writing one that is the exact oppposite - life is a game - so be thrilled to wait for it. Thumbs up for making it a "topic". For those that don't get it - it's real, coz we are real - accept it. Sarcasm and irony are art forms and we use them wisely (at least "we" think so ..). And yes - Eclipsis (DOT DOT DOT) are a common treat) - have it, feast on it. I hiope you have a great day. Thanks for sharing!

Skill issue dude.

So our memories have to be triggered.....i never knew it had a name until now... Music helps relieve the anxiety of cleaning, but I'm still not good at it. Context dependent memory they call it...never knew it had a name until now. and im 59

Some people are just rich and overpriveledged and get life handed to them. the majority are underprivileged and abused. I could read and write when i was 4. could never do math...except outside my body.so only once in my life.

I'd love to know if you're okay since you haven't posted in sone time :)

Thank you so much for this. Kyle's video for me had this bittersweet taste of privilege and I knew that not everyone could have his experience so I'm really grateful to have found your channel. I'm not autistic but I'm neurodivergent and it really causes problems for me that depress me to a great extent and I know virtually noone understands me. By default it's just hard to deviate from the norm, in whatever capacity that may be, and neurodivergent people have to fight to survive in a neurotypical world. I often wish I just were "normal" but to no avail - obviously I'll never magically transform into a neurotypical person. At least I can find solace in the fact that I'm not the only one fighting. Thank you so much for publically sharing this, it makes me feel less lonely and I'm grateful for that.

Some people are born with addiction tendencies, some are born in the poorest parts of Africa some with disabilities bigger or smaller. There was no better times in history of mankind to be born with disability in the western world. Anyway hating on toxic positivity probably not gonna help.

Totally understand you buddie. I have Asphergers myself and saw myself in you quite a lot. I hope you're doing well now-days. I hated my school years. it was the worst days of my life. I wasn't diagnosed until i was 18 ish and therefore have gone through school without understanding why i was so.. strange or "out of the norm". I managed to go through school years and eventually started my work in cyber security. As you mentioned.. i was lucky being able to remember the thing i was interested in, which was IT security :P I have an awesome mother who was a psychiatrist a few years before i was born and understood i had something on the spectrum and could tailor my upbringing in such a way so i could understand and learn other peoples social queues. It helped quite a lot i believe and not everyone is as fortunate as i have been. I've been through both the positive things as people understanding my disorder, but also met people, even within the family, that didn't understand that i was on the spectrum and yelled or got angry at me for something i just didn't understand. Anyhow, now days, i have partially learned how to live with my "disorder" and how to minimise problems. Like the eye-contact thing. Look at them every once in a while. Or tell coworkers that if i say something that is rude, please ask me what i meant instead of taking it to heart cause i most likely did not mean to hurt their feelings and thought of it differently. It just came out the wrong way! I struggle to keep contact with people. But those who keep contact with me, i strongly show an effort and gratitude to show that "THANK YOU" for keeping contact and in general not be boring and just roll on with the conversation. And so on.. you get my point.. The stuttering i have never helped me in school either. But hey, now I've learned to live with it, same as you learned to live with your down and upsides. We do our best :P And you're awesome for sharing your point of view. thank you! Much appreciated!

Hope you're doing good.

For me the worst part about autism is that you're allowed to be autistic. Thank you for making this video, hope it will help people understand what it means to have to function as an autistic person in society.

These are good videos. You should make more 🙂

Thank you for saying this.

I know that very well ...

I think it could have to do with the fact that some autistic people don´t want to see themselves as disabled. So they don´t talk much about the negative sides about autism. But it is and that´s perfectly okay. No one on this earth is perfect. There is not really a superpower. Even if you are super good in a topic. punshing someone in the face because he´s gay is so sad ... Im sorry If you experienced something like this. I don´t understand why it´s so bad for some people.

this is beautiful and for some reason i was laughing out loud (at a youtube video)

The worst thing for me was that I thought I was totally normal until people started asking me if I was autistic. I got diagnosed, and then I became way to aware that I was acting off. I thought I was just a fuckin weirdo, and that was why I couldn't get along with people well.

Thank god im not american, Schools i went to actually supported us and my parents cared and watched my every move, my mom fought for my safety and I cannot be happier. Every time I learn of the world, I learn that my parents bled so much more for me.

As someone diagnosed with autism you have a very negative perspective on everything you listed. Even if your special interest is my little pony YES YOU CAN MONETIZE THAT. even social cues I taught myself how to be funny. Would literally watch and study comedians and learn their styles memorize their jokes etc. Even study basic communication and human psychology and you can learn. neurotypical human beings are very predictable.. Chang your mindset and do better there is hope.

thanks for making these videos, thank you so much

Yeah I recently found out at 22 my mother hid that I had Autism from me. The good things I have is great visual and musical skills, encyclopedic memory of cars, and strong empathetic response. Bad is I have wild social anxiety, ADHD that i also didn't get diagnosed until i was 21, a terrible gastrointestinal system, and all the emotional trauma I had from hating myself for not being able to be "normal". It is relieving at least to have something to attribute to all my struggles, but it also is so frustrating realizing how poorly the world is structured for neurodivergents. I'm lucky in that I can mostly pick up on social cues, but not as much with partners, which has made for a pretty terrible dating experience. My current girlfriend says she understands, but still expects so much from me, and expects me to pick up on all her subtle hints and such, when my brain just literally does not work that way. And it's so stressful.

Thanks for the video, I've recently been researching ASD and am considering getting tested. I'm really just not sure what good it would do because it's too late for me. You can predict (extrapolate) the future with enough information, this doesn't end well for me.

That was actually a solid video

A very similar thing happens to me, but I still feel hungry, sleepy (not always), the urge to piss and even very strong pains with the urge to take a shit, but I ignore all this to go and get any new information about something that interests me, until I don't get something new I don't stop.

Thank you for sharing this. I suffer from several mental and emotional disorders which as yet remain undiagnosed and the anxiety and depression are so real. It takes a measure of bravery to put this sort of content on CZcams for the world to understand. The human mind is a complex and varied mechanism and we have yet to begin to understand many of the most basic fundamentals. While in attendance of public school, I always loathed to see the ostracization of children who may have been different or had diagnoses which procluded their opportunities for enjoyable learning or growth. I have a great deal of respect for the content you have made and appreciate your expression here. It helps me to think that some day I might feel comfortable talking about some of this.

Great video, I’m glad you shared your experiences and I hope more people like us do the same. Though I think we disagree on one point, and much like your criticism of Kyle’s video this criticism is mainly about how your video is titled more so than its content. I don’t believe that *“autism is my superpower”* and *“autistic people have a tough time getting through life in modern society”* are contradictory statements. The problems you shared are ultimately problems with society for treating you poorly, not problems with you. Problems that are well worth talking about largely because they can be solved, and it is entirely possible to build a world where future generations of autistic people grow up being accommodated and understood. It’s pretty comparable to LGBT pride, really. It’s true that being LGBT in today’s society can be hard and bring on a lot of hate, but that only makes it all the more important for LGBT people to have pride in who we are and to know that we aren’t broken. None of that is to say that being LGBT is always glamorous or exclusively beneficial, just that the problem is with society and not us. The *“autism is my superpower”* crowd from my experience is much the same. It’s not a denial of the hardships that come from having autism in our current society, it’s more of a reassurance that the broken thing here is society and not us. That gives a lot of people a lot of much needed hope and reassurance. It gives us something to fight against which isn’t ourselves. I do think there’s a lot of value in that.

I can understand how autism can affect someone positively and negatively. I, myself, do have autism. I have some lucky parts, but I also have some of the not-so-lucky parts. Lucky parts: Nearly-eidetic memory? Check. High intelligence? Check. Empathy? Check. Not-so-lucky parts: Emoitional control issues? Check. Social issues? Check. Learning issues? Check. Motor skill issues? Check. Those are the ones I know that I have off the top of my head; I might have some more, but I just don't remember them at the moment. Autism is an accurate example of a double-edged sword and an extreme dice roll. I want people to know this as well, several symptoms could be a double-edged sword; not all of them, but some of them. Some organizations would go out of their way to help individuals with autism, but many are just in it for the money. Sadly, that's just reality nowadays. If you want to help someone with autism, here are some of the do's and don'ts: 1.) Don'ts: don't take them to counseling, don't lock them up in a room (that'll make them more prone to violence), don't bully them (they are dealing with enough problems already), don't isolate them (it'll only make the issues worse and bring about new issues like addiction). 2.) Do's: diagnose them quickly from medical professionals, treat them as you would any human being (THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS, TOO!), become friends with them regardless of the consequences (it'll be helping them out in more ways than you know). In short, don't alienate people with autism and treat them as a project; instead, support them in anyway you can and treat them like a human being.

I'm a fan of Kyle Hill. I watched his video. Then I saw this one. Many good points here and I appreciate this perspective and the sharing of personal experiences. I'm 32, cishet white man (also named Spencer (interesting coincidence?)). I think I'm autistic or have Asberger's but I've never been diagnosed, probably since my mental states have never caused significant or recurring impediments in my life + I was born with lots of privilege (good physical health, caring middle-class family, other neuro&physio-typical characteristics). I feel like Kyle's autism=superpower is clickbaity, but in a good way since many more people would engage with it than if it was less catchy. Thus, indirectly, more money, resources, and support will get to autistic people. His video is great because he mainly describes his own personal experiences, doesn't overgeneralize, encourages self-educating, and promotes AANE.

Yes. This is a perfect explanation. I would really like to control it. Also kind of annoying for people to compliment it while you are struggling because of it.

Thank you for this! I’m trying to finish college and it’s SO hard when I have assignments due but I’m off on a new tangent. I’ve literally started learning a new language during finals and it was all I cared about. I change everything in my life from what I eat, what I wear, my room, everything based around what I’m focused on at the time. 😣

Music and logic are my "super powers". I also loved science and math. I'm thankful and grateful for this, but also recognize that I am completely privileged in that regard. On the other side, history and english and other subjects were just terrible for me. I struggled to make C's because I could not retain ANY information that I read, meanwhile math was a breeze cause I could just solve it. Social anxiety was never something I could overcome, I had difficulty holding hands with the poor soul that decided to say yes to being my date at the end of my senior year At my job, I developed, essentially algorithmic, trained responses for communication with customers that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. It took me 2 weeks to overcome anxiety when saying "take care" instead of just "have a good one/day", and it frustrated me so badly. Every positive unscripted social interaction feels like a win when I can manage it, but it feel pitiful, because it's such an emotional process, just socializing, that I never can just have a neutral conversation with someone that I don't later reflect on. The times I dont keep track of how I interact, I can be distant, passive aggressive and down right flagrant without much provoking. I'm not officially diagnosed with ASD because I don't even know where to start with that. I've been told before, multiple times too probably, but I couldn't tell you what they said, and things like that make me feel like a dishonest person. After all that though, I don't feel like an outcast though. I have some close friends that I love like family, I have learned a lot about how to mitigate some of these things on my own, and I have come out of my shell a lot more by forcing myself into positions that take me beyond my comfort zone, granted now Im in a healthy living condition, which for sure is a major factor in this as well. I've had more girlfriends, and now have one that I've been with for a little over a year now. It's doable with a lot of persistence, my friends.

This needs more views

Thanks for your video! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Redditor for sure.

Thank you for this perspective. As someone who's two brothers were both severely autistic/ developmentally-disabled the parts where you spoke about the dangers that society can bring against neurologically atypical people really struck me. I have personally witnessed my brother being tazed and drug out of his "special-ed" classroom by smalltown cops while our mother was rushing to the school to try and diffuse the situation. It's a really underrepresented issue in our society.

Of course this is exactly what happened to me about four months ago. I watched one video, suspected I was austic, 4 hours later I KNEW I was autistic. The following # 1/2 months I had quit my job and all I did was dedicate every possible moment to study. Autism became my hyperfocus .I was Diagnosed at 50.

Keep making those dude! Brilliant ending.

Thanks for sharing mate.

"Isolation" is abusive, period.

Not everyone has the same abilities, supports or opportunities, and everyone should remember this.This applies to both autistic and allistic people.

Make more videos. I needed this validation so badly thank you <3 "Very little help" yes (you look 25 not that it matters it doesn't but people must sometimes think you are 25 not 36 (therefore 'pretending to be yourself'), "happens to minorities" oh, my god & my family has criminal records as child & domestic abusers I was abused as well YES (caps warning I will have a few caps no I dont often use them for effect but you nailed so much) the few people who did help me helped me BECAUSE OF THE CRIMINAL ABUSE YES!! WOW.. YES I am a target for my pattern matching it is so painful because as you know many of these people work in probability & they DONT WANT PROBABILITY yes that can give you anxiety we are only mental we dont give a shit what anyone thinks of us at all but that AN EMPIRICAL WORLD EXISTS so it is SCARY WHEN MULTIPLE PEOPLE ARE LYING COMMITTING CRIMES IN THEIR LITTLE SOCIETY and you hope that the law will catch up & expose them.. we are NOT DISABLED YES! GI issues YES!!! :D 7:14 "my little pony" yes me it is outdoors which I will do now & save the rest of your video re-watch later. Stay safe well thank you for making this for us.

When I watched Kyle's video, I had been recently diagnosed. Now I can't remember what I saw. It seemed so shallow.

I can't tell you how many times I get accused of being defiant because I am Autistic. I am not defiant by nature at all. It's just crazy how we get treated

Big up man. I'm a little older than you (40 earlier this year) and I was diagnosed at 37. I'm straight but was relentlessly bullied and assaulted at school with a lot of homophobic behaviour involved.....because this was a school in England in the 90s and violence and blanket bullying, homophobia, dominance assertion, general dickhead stuff.....all that was basically standard and if you didn't fit, well you would get the shit kicked out of you. I was out of sync with everyone else, and I wasn't a violent bully, so obviously I must be gay! Of course. I had no idea I was autistic back than. It took a whole load of light bulb moments in adulthood inspired by events and people around me to eventually make me aware of the possibility. Like you, school was an absolute joke.....I learned almost nothing academically, I learned a bit about how to disappear and hide, and how to fight when I had no other option. I think I've realised later in life that I have a very visual and spatial brain, very sensitive to music and patterns, colours, shapes etc. No surprise that I play music and spend a lot of time drawing. I also used to play football a lot which is not generally associated with autistic people. Basically if you grow up in England in a blue collar town in the 90s, you play football. So in some ways I think the fact that I embraced and loved things like that was a part of my masking. Otherwise the bullying could and would have been far worse. Like I said I think my brain and learning is very visual/spatial based and this actually helps me be pretty good at a lot of sports and physical activities like driving/cycling etc. I don't often hear autistic people talk about these things, it's a general perception that we're all hopeless at anything involving spatial awareness and physical co-ordination. So that's another aspect of autism that's generally misrepresented. That whole superpower thing.......it's never sat comfortably with me to be honest. I'm glad you've made a video about it. Someone had to. I think you've summed up a lot better than I could have done. I was treated like a burden at school, never received much help despite obviously struggling. I think I had dangerously self destructive urges but had just enough self control that I never showed it. Maybe that's down to a deep instinct for masking I learned as a toddler. The fear of showing that weakness was strong enough that it prevented self harm. So, good. But it also prevented me from accessing any help. Not that there would have been any back then anyway! Nope, not a superpower. It's a fucking struggle. Treading water all the time.

Also, just wondering if you've been assessed for ADHD? I've also just been diagnosed with inattentive presentation and your executive functioning difficulties sound similar

Love this. I've been having very similar thoughts. I'm only recently diagnosed and I'm already fed up with the "superpower" discourse

Hi Spencer Just wanted to let you know that in my opinion this video needs to be included in the autism momentum that i feel is going on. On one hand i'm happy ASD is gaining a lot of momentum because it gives me a better chance of understanding it. On the other is the danger that you very accurately described that this subject is getting glorified. Kyle's video was my lightbulb moment (i'm 37) and since then i've watched what feels like a ton of videos on the subject. I think most ASD youtubers are in a place that allows them to make videos somewhat comfortably (i mean that respectful), so they are more likely to be kinda uplifting oriented if that's the right word for it. Which is why i want to say i'm glad you took your phone to record your story. Because this side should not be overshadowed if we want the world to know what autism is. So i stand with your plea. Hope things will get better for you.

Do you know if you also have ADHD? Sounds like there could be more than just autism going on. I would disagree with you that "team superpower" is 1 percent of the population with autism. However, "team superpower" probably accounts for 99 percent of the undiagnosed autistic adults out there. These people struggle tremendously because they try to fit in, and I think it's wrong to portray it as flying around with capes. But for these people (like myself) learning about autism can be a liberating experience where you also learn about your strengths.